'Work Experience' Following a disappointing Valentine's Day, a mix-up in the work experience programme means that Neil gets to work in a newspaper office whilst Will is stuck in a garage. #tv #comedy
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00:20WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW UNPOPULAR YOU ARE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX COMPARED TO YOUR CLASSMATES?
00:25WELL, LUCKILY FOR ME, SOMEONE INVENTED VALENTINE'S DAY, MY FAVORITE ANNUAL HUMILIATION.
00:30ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, YOUR DONG IS MASSIVE, I WANT TO BLOW YOU, LOVE FROM YOUR SECRET SLUT.
00:37I DIDN'T GET NONE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT SO MANY.
00:40YES. IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE.
00:42DEAR JAY, I'VE JUST BAKED YOU A FINGER PIE, WHY DON'T YOU COME, SPELT C-U-M, AND TASTE
00:50IT.
00:50OH, MATE, THAT'S SO HORNY. WHERE DO YOU THINK IT'S FROM?
00:52YOUR DAD?
00:53YEAH, FUNNY. LET ME LOOK AT THESE.
00:57JAY, YOU MASSIVE STUD, PLEASE, PLEASE SPAFF ON MY TITS FROM YOUR VALENTINE'S BITCH.
01:03P.S. AND ON MY FACE.
01:05THAT ONE'S MY FAVORITE. I LIKE THE WAY SHE REMEMBERED THE FACE.
01:08IT'S JUST FUNNY HOW ALL THESE CARDS SEEM TO BE WRITTEN IN THE SAME SCRAWLY HANDWRITING.
01:11YOUR SECRET ADMIRERS ARE EITHER VERY YOUNG OR HAVE SEVERE LEARNING DIFFICULTIES, WHICH I ADMIT IS A POSSIBILITY.
01:16NO, THE HANDWRITING'S JUST BAD BECAUSE THEY WERE STRUMMING ONE OUT AS THEY WROTE THEM.
01:19IT'S NOT YOU WRITING THEM WITH YOUR LEFT HAND, THEN?
01:21YOU LOT ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I GOT LOADES AND YOU GOT NONE.
01:24OH, I GOT A CARD.
01:26IF IT'S FROM YOUR NAN, IT DOESN'T COUNT.
01:28I DIDN'T GET ANY, THEN.
01:29WELL, I ACTUALLY DID GET A CARD. A PROPER ONE.
01:31TOTAL BOLLOCKS.
01:32YEAH?
01:33WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS, THEN?
01:34INTERESTING.
01:35WOW, WHO IS THAT FROM?
01:36PAN OF FIELDS?
01:37IN THE YEAR BELOW?
01:38SNIFF IT TO SEE IF SHE RUBBED HER FANNY ON IT.
01:40NEIL.
01:42NO, IT'S A BIT OF PERFUME.
01:44SO?
01:45WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
01:46NOTHING, APART FROM MAKING SURE CARLY DOESN'T FIND OUT.
01:48I THINK SHE'LL BE TOO BUSY SUCKING ON HER BOYFRIEND'S NOB TO NOTICE.
01:51SHUT UP.
01:52WHAT?
01:53ALL I'M SAYING IS HE'LL HAVE HIS COCK RIGHT DEEP IN HER GOB AND THEN IN HER VAG.
01:57OUT OF THE VAG, STRAIGHT BACK IN THE GOB.
01:59THANKS.
02:00OH YEAH, THAT REMINDS ME.
02:01GIVE THAT TO YOUR MUM FOR US.
02:04ARE YOU SERIOUS?
02:06OH, YOU ARE.
02:08DON'T TELL HER IT'S WRONG, THOUGH.
02:09NO, COURSE NOT.
02:10ANYTHING ELSE, NEIL?
02:11WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ASK HER OUT FOR YOU?
02:12WOULD YOU?
02:13UM, LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT.
02:14WOULD I?
02:15NO.
02:16NO, I FUCKING WOULDN'T.
02:18GOOD MORNING, AND SHUT UP.
02:21RIGHT, EVERYONE.
02:22YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE PLACEMENTS HAVE BEEN FINALIZED,
02:25AND AS 99% OF YOU LEFT TO THE CAREERS OFFICER,
02:28I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY WHINGING ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE HEADING.
02:31SIR, THERE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN SOME MISTAKE.
02:33OH.
02:34IS THE MISTAKE YOU CHOOSING TO IGNORE ME SAYING NO WHINGING?
02:37OH, NO, SIR.
02:38IT SAYS HERE I'M GOING TO WORK AT A GARAGE.
02:40YES?
02:41COME ON.
02:42ME?
02:43A GARAGE?
02:45DOES THAT SEEM LIKELY?
02:46WHAT'S YOUR POINT, MACKENZIE?
02:47I WROTE TO THE LOCAL PAPER, SIR, TO SHADOW A JOURNANIST THERE.
02:49MAYBE EVEN WRITE A FEW PIECES MYSELF.
02:52ALL RIGHT.
02:52LET ME HAVE A LOOK.
02:54CAN'T GET PAID EXTRA FOR THIS, YOU KNOW.
02:56OKAY.
02:57IT SAYS HERE THAT SOUTHERLAND IS EXPECTED AT THE NEWSPAPER.
03:00CASE CLOSED.
03:01WELL, THEN THERE'S CLEARLY BEEN SOME SORT OF MIX-UP.
03:04I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT LOOK AT HIM.
03:07NO OFFENSE.
03:08NONE TAKEN.
03:09WHAT DID YOU PUT DOWN AS YOUR FIRST CHOICE, SOUTHERLAND?
03:11AIRPLANE DRIVER.
03:13AND THAT IS?
03:14SOMEONE WHO DRIVES PLANES.
03:15YOU MEAN A PILOT?
03:16DO I?
03:17WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHOICE?
03:18WORKING WITH CARS.
03:20RIGHT.
03:20HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO WORK AT A NEWSPAPER?
03:22NO, SIR.
03:23HAVE YOU EVER READ A NEWSPAPER?
03:25NOT REALLY.
03:27OKAY.
03:28DOES SEEM THERE'S BEEN SOME SORT OF MISTAKE HERE SOMEWHERE.
03:30WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
03:31MISTAKES HAPPEN.
03:32SHALL I GO TO THE PAPER TOMORROW?
03:35NO.
03:36NO.
03:37YOU GO TO THE GARAGE.
03:39IT'S ALL BOOKED.
03:40IS THIS A JOKE?
03:42DO I MAKE A LOT OF JOKES?
03:44BUT, SIR...
03:45I CAN'T CHANGE THE PLACEMENTS.
03:47CAN'T OR WON'T?
03:51YOU PICK.
03:52IT'S THE SAME RESULT.
03:57SOUTHERLAND.
03:58DOES THIS MEAN I WON'T BE DRIVING ANY PLANES?
04:04THIS IS A FUCK UP.
04:05WHAT KIND OF EXPERIENCE AM I GOING TO GET AT A GARAGE,
04:07APART FROM A DEPRESSING WORKING-CLASS ONE?
04:09AT LEAST YOU GET TO LOOK AT ALL THEM HORNY CALENDARS.
04:11WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WORK ON A PAPER FOR, ANYWAY?
04:13I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO GO INTO THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
04:15WHICH IS...?
04:16PROSTITUTION.
04:17YEP, NICE ONE.
04:17LOOK, IT'LL BE SHIT ANYWAY.
04:19THE CLUES IN THE NAME?
04:21WORK EXPERIENCE?
04:22OH, WELL, IT WON'T BE SHIT ON MY DAD'S FIRMS, SI.
04:24WE'LL HAVE A RIGHT LAUGH.
04:25WHEN I WORKED THERE LAST SUMMER,
04:26I SPENT EVERY DAY JUMPING JCBs OVER CEMENT MIXERS.
04:29WELL, THAT'S A LIE.
04:29AND I GOT PAID A GRAND AT THE END OF THE WEEK.
04:31ANOTHER LIE!
04:32WELL, I HAD A WANK THIS MORNING THINKING ABOUT YOUR MUM'S TITS.
04:34IS THAT A LIE?
04:35I HOPE SO.
04:35IT'S NOT.
04:36OH, GOOD.
04:37SORRY, MATE.
04:38ANN YOUR FUCKING MATE.
04:40HE'S TOUCHY.
04:41YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A SHORT-ASS.
04:43HEY, WHAT'D YOU SAY?
04:44WHAT?
04:45HE'S TAKING A PISS, DANNY.
04:46YEAH?
04:47FUCKING DO YOU?
04:49YEAH, WHATEVER.
04:50WANKER.
04:50WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM?
04:51OH, DON'T CRY, SIMON.
04:52YEAH, GOOD ONE.
04:56UM, CATCH UP IN A BIT.
04:58OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
04:59RUN AFTER HER.
04:59THAT'S NOT CREEPY.
05:02I MAY NOT HAVE RECEIVED ANY VALENTINE'S CARDS.
05:05CHARLOTTE?
05:05BUT THAT DIDN'T MEAN I HADN'T SENT ANY.
05:08CHARLOTTE!
05:08OH, HELLO.
05:10HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
05:11DID YOU GET ANY CARDS?
05:12YEAH, MAYBE TEN?
05:14TEN?
05:15YEAH, YEAH, ME TOO.
05:17BUT DID YOU GET ANY FLOWERS?
05:19I THINK YOU KNOW I DID.
05:21I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY SWEET.
05:23AND I WAS GONNA SAY, IF YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING,
05:25MAYBE WE COULD HANG OUT THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?
05:27I THINK I'M FREE.
05:29YEP.
05:29YES, I AM.
05:31OKAY, WELL, I'M WORKING BEHIND THE BAR AT THIS LOCAL VALENTINE'S DISCO THING.
05:34IT'S UNDER 18, SO IT MIGHT BE A BIT LAME.
05:36BUT IF YOU FANCIED POPPING ALONG TO KEEP ME COMPANY?
05:38A DATE?
05:39I WILL.
05:40NOT A DATE.
05:41JUST TWO FRIENDS HANGING OUT.
05:43GREAT.
05:43SEE YOU ON FRIDAY, THEN.
05:44IT'S A DATE.
05:45NO.
05:46IT'S NOT A DATE.
05:47COOL.
05:48SHE SAID IT WASN'T A DATE, BUT WE BOTH KNEW IT WAS A DATE.
05:51BEFORE THAT, THOUGH, I HAD TO MAKE THE MOST OF MY NEW POINTLESS SHITTY MANUAL JOB.
05:54HELLO.
05:58WILL MCKENZIE.
05:59I'M HERE FOR WORK EXPERIENCE.
06:01HELLO.
06:01YOU MUST BE WILL.
06:03GREAT TO MEET YOU.
06:03I'M JIM.
06:04THIS IS WOLFY AND STEVE.
06:06HI, JIM.
06:07HI, STEVE.
06:08HELLO, WOLF.
06:09WOLFY.
06:10WOLFY.
06:11RIGHT.
06:11GOTCHA.
06:12YOU'LL HAVE A RIGHT OLD LAUGH HERE.
06:13LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND A BIT OF THE BLUE TALK.
06:15A LITTLE PUFF, ARE YOU?
06:16NO.
06:17NOT A PROBLEM IF YOU ARE.
06:18JUST BE A BIT HARDER TO JOIN IN SOME OF THE BANTER.
06:20SO, WAS THERE ANY PART OF CAR MECHANICS HE WAS SPECIALLY INTERESTED IN AS IT GOES?
06:23TO BE HONEST, NONE OF IT AS IT GOES.
06:25MORE INTERESTED IN BIKES, IS IT?
06:27NO, THE MEDIA.
06:28OR LAW.
06:29LOOK, NO OFFENSE, BUT I'M NEVER GOING TO WORK IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.
06:32A PLACE LIKE THIS?
06:34YOU KNOW, A PLACE LIKE THIS.
06:36MANUAL.
06:37DIRTY.
06:38NOT STUPID, EXACTLY, BUT NOT ACADEMIC BY A LONG CHALK.
06:41IT'S NOT THAT I'M BETTER THAN THIS.
06:42IT'S JUST THAT I'M MUCH CLEVERER THAN YOU NEED TO BE TO WORK HERE.
06:46STEVE HERE'S GOT A B-TECH.
06:48EXACTLY.
06:48LOOK, I SUSPECT THE MIX-UP WILL BE SORTED TODAY.
06:50I'LL BE GONE BACK TOMORROW.
06:51I SEE.
06:52YOU DON'T MIND OPEN THAT TODAY, THEN?
06:54NO, COURSE NOT.
06:54JUST THE ONCE, EH?
06:55RIGHT THEN, CHOMMLEY WARNER.
06:57FIRST JOB IS WE NEED SOME STUFF PICKING UP FROM THE SUPPLIERS.
06:59FINE.
07:00LET ME JUST GET A PEN AND PAPER.
07:04GREAT.
07:05OKAY.
07:05WE NEED TWO TINS OF TARTAN PAINT.
07:07TARTAN PAINT TIMES TWO?
07:10SPIRIT LEVEL BUBBLES.
07:11BUBBLES.
07:12FOR SPIRIT LEVEL?
07:13DO YOU NEED ANYTHING, WOLFY?
07:14YEAH.
07:15ASK ME FOR A REACH-AROUND.
07:16A REACH-AROUND.
07:17DON'T FORGET, YOU REALLY NEED THAT.
07:19FINE.
07:20SO THAT'S TWO TINS OF TARTAN PAINT, BUBBLES FOR SPIRIT LEVEL, AND A REACH-AROUND.
07:25AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASK FOR A LONG WAIT WHILE YOU'RE THERE.
07:28GREAT.
07:34AH...
07:35THIS IS A JOKE, ISN'T IT?
07:37WHAT?
07:38THESE ITEMS.
07:40THEY'RE NOT REAL THINGS, ARE THEY?
07:41THEY DON'T EXIST.
07:43I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
07:44NOW, I KNOW THAT THESE INITIATION CEREMONIES EXIST IN CERTAIN TYPES OF WORKPLACE,
07:48AND DON'T GET ME WRONG, I ENJOY THE CAMERADERY, BUT YOU HAVE TO GET UP PRETTY EARLY TO FALL ME.
07:53NO, FAIR ENOUGH, YOUR QUARTER'S OUT.
07:55YEAH, FAIR COP.
07:56TOO SHARP FOR US.
07:58I TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE INITIATE YOU WITH A PINT AT LUNCH INSTEAD?
08:01GREAT.
08:01WE'LL GUTER THE CROWN.
08:02BARMAID IN THERE'S GOT A SMASHING PAIR OF TITS.
08:06OKAY.
08:08SO WHILE I WAS GETTING A CITY AND GILDS IN TITS, NEIL WAS AT THE NEWSPAPER, HAPPILY WASTING THE OPPORTUNITY
08:14OF MY LIFETIME.
08:15TOBY, YOUR WORK EXPERIENCE IS HERE.
08:19OH, FINE.
08:21ALL RIGHT.
08:24HI, YOU MUST BE NEIL, TOBY.
08:26ALL RIGHT.
08:27SO, TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING TO GET OUT OF THIS ASSIGNMENT, NEIL?
08:30OH, DON'T WORRY, I WON'T STILL NOTHING.
08:35NO.
08:37WHAT I MEANT WAS, IS THERE ANYTHING SPECIFICALLY YOU'D LIKE TO DO WHILE YOU'RE WITH US, OR AN AREA OF
08:41JOURNALISM YOU'RE PARTICULARLY INTERESTED IN?
08:43NO, NOT REALLY.
08:45RIGHT.
08:46AND, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS YOU'D LIKE TO ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING?
08:50HOW LONG IS MY LUNCH HOUR?
08:52AN HOUR.
09:03NO.
09:05NO.
09:06THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
09:06WE'LL BE ABLE TO DRIVE THE DIGGERS SOON, I RECKON.
09:08OH, JAY.
09:09WHAT ARE YOU STOPPED FOR?
09:10THIS IS MEANT TO BE WORK EXPERIENCE, NOT STANDING AROUND BEING A USELESS TWAT EXPERIENCE.
09:15YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPERIENCE OF THAT.
09:17YOU'RE THE EXPERT.
09:18SORRY, DAD, WE ONLY STOP FOR A MOMENT.
09:20THIS IS WELL KNACKERING.
09:21WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.
09:23BECAUSE WITH YOUR BRAINS, YOU'LL BE FUCKING LUCKY TO GET A JOB THROWING SHIT INTO A SKIP.
09:27THIS ISN'T EXACTLY HOW YOU DESCRIBED IT, JAY.
09:30GETTING MANY VALENTINE'S CARS THIS YEAR THAN SIMON?
09:32JUST THE ONE.
09:33THERE'S ONE MORE THAN JAY'S EVER GOT.
09:34I'VE GOT PLENTY.
09:35DON'T WORRY, SON.
09:36THERE'S A GIRL OUT THERE FOR YOU SOMEWHERE.
09:38YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A DESPERATE BIRD THAT LIKES THE SMELL OF BO AND BLOKES WITH TINY COCKS.
09:44NOW GET BACK TO WORK.
09:45LOOK, I AIN'T PAYING YOU TO SET ON YOUR SCRAWNY ARSE ALL DAY.
09:48NICE.
09:49ALL RIGHT.
09:50WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
09:51I THOUGHT YOU MEANT TO BE OVER AT THE NEWSPAPER?
09:52I HAVE BEEN.
09:53THEY LET ME GO HOME AT LUNCH.
09:54YOU JAMMY BASTARD.
09:56OI, SI, WHAT'S ALL HE SAY ABOUT YOU HAVING A FIGHT WITH DANNY MOORE?
09:59WHAT?
10:00WHO'S DANNY MOORE?
10:01HE'S BEEN MOUTHING OFF ABOUT HOW HE'S GONNA DO YOU IN.
10:03WHO IS HE?
10:04I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS.
10:06THAT KID YOU BUMPED INTO AND THEN CALLED A SHORT-ASS.
10:08THAT WAS JAY.
10:08OH, WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO GO AND KNOCK HIM OUT NOW, SI.
10:11TEACH HIM A LESSON.
10:12NEIL, IF YOU SEE HIM, JUST TELL HIM HE'S MADE A MISTAKE.
10:14I'M NOT GETTING INVOLVED.
10:15I HEARD HE'S FROM A WELLARD FAMILY IN NORTHWOOD.
10:17HIS BROTHER DID TIME.
10:19OH, NORTHWOOD?
10:20A BIT NICE NIGHT IN YOU, SI.
10:21OH, WHAT IS THIS?
10:22MY DAD'S BIGGER THAN YOUR DAD?
10:23WHAT ARE WE, 12?
10:24I THINK HE IS 12, ACTUALLY.
10:25YOU'RE NOT SCARED, ARE YOU, SI?
10:26NO, IT'S JUST I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK COOL BEATING UP A KID.
10:29AND YOU COULDN'T?
10:30YEAH, I FUCKING COULD.
10:31NOW, CAN WE JUST LEAVE IT?
10:32I'M NOT FIGHTING ANYONE.
10:36OH, YEAH, NICE ONE.
10:42MATURE.
10:43COMPARED TO SIMON, MY FIRST DAY WAS TURNING OUT OKAY.
10:46AFTER A MORNING OF PRETENDING CARS WERE BROKEN AND OVERCHARGING MIDDLE-CLASS WOMEN,
10:49WE HAD BUNDED OVER A PINT.
10:51WELL, THANKS FOR THAT, GUYS.
10:52THAT WAS A MUCH MORE CIVILIZED WAY TO WELCOME IT.
10:54IT'S A SHAME WE DON'T GET TO DO IT AGAIN.
10:56BUT I'M BRU-
10:56OH, NO!
10:57HEY!
10:57OH, NO!
10:58I KICKED THAT!
10:59WHY?
10:59YOU'RE CUT ME OUT, PLAYEDER!
11:00DON'T SHIT YOURSELF.
11:01WE'RE JUST GOING FOR A LITTLE DRIVE.
11:03KNOCKING HE HITS.
11:04HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE E.
11:05KNOCKING HE HONORN, GUYS.
11:06IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?
11:08HEY!
11:08WHAT ABOUT MY ALLERGIES?
11:09C'mon.
11:10LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
11:11HAH?
11:12PLEASE.
11:12MY ALLERGIES.
11:14HA HA HA HA!
11:17HA HA HA HA!
11:18WAS YOU EXPECTING THAT, WAS YOU, MASTERMINE?
11:22SEE YOU MORRA!
11:23HA HA HA!
11:25INSTITUTIONALIZED BULLYING WASN'T QUITE THE WORK EXPERIENCE I HAD IN MIND,
11:28BUT I KNEW HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLYS, I GOT MY MUM TO TELL THE TEACHER.
11:37I was hoping you'd be able to do something about it, Mr Gilbert
11:40I'm sorry
11:41I just wondered what he said to them
11:43I don't think he said anything, Kevin
11:45Oh, come on, we both know well
11:46He must have said something
11:47He had to walk back through the town centre
11:49Sopping wet and barely clothed, Mr Gilbert
11:51I'd hoped he'd take this more seriously
11:53He wrote to the paper especially to get work experience
11:56And instead I'm picking Frogsborn out of his underpants
11:59Would you excuse me?
12:01Just for a second
12:26Look, I don't want it to seem as if I'm passing the book
12:28But it really is up to their employers
12:30I will ask if they'll consider swapping students
12:31But I can't promise anything
12:33If you'll excuse me, I do have a meeting to attend
12:44Oh, what a pickle
12:46I'm not sure I should send Neil to the garage
12:49Those men sound like brutes
12:50Oh, I think it was just hijinks
12:53What?
12:53Three dirty men throwing a young naked boy into water?
12:58Oh, for my boggles
13:00I never said Will was naked
13:01Oh, I thought you did
13:04Hmm, not quite the outcome I'd hoped for
13:07Neil's dad imagining me naked
13:18When it comes to love, they say a gentleman never tells
13:20But unfortunately I wasn't a gentleman
13:22I was a twat
13:23Guess who got themselves a date with Charlotte Hinchcliffe?
13:25Mark Donovan?
13:26Nope
13:26I bet it is Donovan
13:27He's probably balls deep in her right now
13:29No
13:29The answer is me
13:31No way
13:32Yes way
13:33Of sorts
13:34Of sorts way
13:35How?
13:36I have no idea
13:37Honestly, I don't know
13:38I'm not going to stop and ask her
13:39For some reason she likes me at the moment
13:41So I'm just going to do everything I can to keep it that way
13:43Sounds like a good plan
13:44So when is it then?
13:46What?
13:46The date
13:46Friday night
13:47What are we up to Friday night?
13:48Same as every Friday night?
13:50Nothing
13:50Maybe we could go
13:52In what world would I want you to come along?
13:55It's not for you, it's for us
13:55It'd be funny to watch you fuck it up again
13:58Yeah, you might cry
13:59Well, thanks for the vote of confidence
14:01But you won't want to come
14:02I'm meeting her at this under-18 tonight she's working at
14:04It'll be very uncool
14:05Even for us
14:06Sounds alright to me
14:07At least we'll definitely get in
14:08No, no
14:09No
14:09You honestly won't like it
14:11We might even get some
14:12Won't they be a bit young?
14:13Nah
14:13If there's grass on the pitch
14:15Play ball
14:16Right, and what if there isn't?
14:17Well, by the time you find out
14:18It'll be too late anyway
14:19Surely you've got something better to do this weekend
14:21Than watch me try to get off with Charlotte
14:27Great, no, fine
14:28See you there then
14:28So before my date with Charlotte
14:30And it was a date
14:31I had to endure one last day with the savages
14:33Although I was pleasantly surprised
14:35To find Jim and Wolfie engaged in serious debate
14:37Alright, Will?
14:38Here, you're like this
14:40We're just having a discussion
14:41Oh, really?
14:42Which titties would you spunk over?
14:44The pert little ones
14:45Or the big and bouncy
14:46Bright old handful
14:47Plenty to play with?
14:48They both look nice
14:49Better than anything you'll ever get, mate
14:51Alright then
14:52I'd spunk over the big ones
14:53And they're not better than I'd get, actually
14:55Pollux
14:55Here, Steve
14:57It's Becky here
14:58I told you about that
14:58Reckons he's had better than that
15:00I have
15:01Fuck off
15:02You're a virgin
15:03Classic virgin
15:04Well, that's why you're wrong
15:05I did it last year
15:06With a girl I'm seeing tonight, actually
15:07Yeah, sure
15:08Yep
15:09She's fit
15:09She's older than me
15:10And she goes like a porn star
15:12Oh, right
15:12Yeah, and she's got massive titties
15:14And I
15:15Well, I
15:16Fucked her hard
15:17And all night long
15:19So what are you in this dirty little warm bucket up to this weekend then?
15:22Might come and check her out
15:23Going to an under 18 disco where she works
15:25So unfortunately you won't be able to
15:27I could go
15:29What?
15:29I could go, I'm 17
15:32You're 17?
15:34You're 17?
15:35Yeah, yeah, I just look older
15:36There's looking older
15:38And then there's that
15:39You look about 30
15:41Lovely
15:42Wolfie will pop by and check out this tart you've been boning then
15:44Good
15:46Maybe Wolfie will pull her
15:47Except he won't do that because she loves me
15:49She loves you?
15:50Oh, I think I'm going to cry
15:52Um, I mean
15:53She loves to fuck me
15:55Yeah, of course she does
15:58That evening at the Civic Hall
16:00I hoped Neil would enlighten me about what I'd be up to next week
16:03Admittedly he'd never enlightened me about anything ever before
16:06But you never know
16:06So how was the newspaper, Neil?
16:08Have they asked you to write anything?
16:09I haven't been boring like that
16:10I'm on eating that most of the day
16:12This afternoon I smashed up some old desks in a skip
16:14And then they let me go home at four
16:23Are we the oldest here?
16:25Possibly
16:25It's even more shit than I knew it would be
16:28I honestly don't know why you came
16:30To see you get blown out by Charlotte City's again
16:32Please try not to fuck this up for me
16:34Charlotte actually asked me here
16:35So there's a chance
16:36Admittedly a very slim chance
16:38That she wants to pull me
16:39Or maybe she needs a mechanic to service her car
16:41Good one
16:41I'd service her all right
16:43I'd slide my dipstick in right deep
16:45Well, thanks for coming guys
16:46Really appreciate it
16:47I'm going to go by Charlotte
16:48Up to you
16:49At least it looks like there's some tidy linge here
16:51Yes
16:51It's tidy
16:52Because there's no hair on it
16:55Hey, Cy
17:04Alan Bilt is over there
17:06Is that where your valentine was from?
17:07Oh, yeah, shit
17:09Oh, shit, it's quite fit, actually
17:10Right, well
17:11I'll go over and tell her you're fanciing it
17:13No, hang on
17:13Why?
17:15Well
17:15You going over and tell her I fancy her
17:17Seems a bit
17:17You know
17:19Childish
17:19Put in Rome, mate
17:20That's how you got to play out with these young girls
17:22You go over
17:24Shit, she's coming over here
17:27So
17:27Did you get my valentine's card then?
17:30Oh, yeah
17:30Great
17:31Thank you
17:32Do you want a drink?
17:33I've got one, thanks
17:34No
17:34I mean a pot or drink
17:36Oh, right
17:37Yeah
17:38Thanks
17:58You're fit
17:59Sorry?
18:00Oh, forget it
18:03Come on
18:08I think you're well sexy
18:09I used to stare at you in assembly
18:11Right
18:11Oh, you're so horny
18:13Tongue me
18:14Um, how old are you?
18:17Blimey, that didn't take long
18:19Well, compared to you and Charlotte, anything's quick
18:21Softly, softly, catchy monkey
18:22I didn't know you spoke Spanish
18:24See, I told you this was a great place to get your fingers stinky
18:27Oh, my God, she's going for his cock
18:29Oh, what are you doing?
18:31Shall we go somewhere more private?
18:33I want you
18:34Right, yeah
18:35Careful, no one's touched that before
18:36It might go off
18:36Oh, good
18:37Oh
18:38Yes
18:40Crikey
18:41Careful
18:41Are they allowed to do that in here?
18:43Righty
18:44Fuck me, she's going to wank him off
18:46The jammy git's only gone and pulled an experienced cock handler
18:49Or
18:49Someone so hugely inexperienced
18:51She thinks this is the best way to pull an older boy
18:53Either way, it's a win-win situation
18:55It's not really, though, is it?
18:57Oh, thanks to me
18:57We're now watching Simon get wanked off
18:59Yes
19:00Well, we really do have a lot to thank you for
19:12Getting a bit weird now
19:13I don't like him when he makes eye contact
19:14None of us do, Neil
19:21Call me a shot, Oscar
19:24Yeah
19:25Come on then, you fucking coward
19:28Please, not his face
19:29I'm going to fucking do you, mate
19:30Northwood are in the house now
19:31You're fucking dead
19:33How embarrassing
19:36That was brilliant
19:37Was it?
19:38That was fucking hilarious
19:39He totally did chuck
19:41Did they chuck him out?
19:42Oh, there it
19:42Nah, I'm not going to chuck him out for that
19:44That was just a scuffle
19:45He kicked me in the cock
19:46Good shot to get you in the cock
19:48What happened to Hannah?
19:49Um, I think you blew it
19:50When you got knocked out by a 12-year-old
19:52I fucking slipped
19:53Uh-oh
19:54He's talking to a load of the Northwood lads
19:56What?
19:57And they don't look 12, to be fair
19:58I fucking hell, Si
19:59You muppet
20:00We are so dead
20:01What do you mean, dead?
20:02That should be the end of it
20:03Simon's taken a beating
20:04A child's honour has been restored
20:06I didn't take a beating?
20:07Yeah, you did
20:07This is Northwood we're talking about
20:09It's not the end of it
20:10It's the start
20:10Fuck, what are we going to do?
20:12Shall I get Charlotte?
20:13Why, is she hard?
20:13No, Simon
20:14She'll get them thrown out
20:15Look, I'll go find her
20:16You lot go and hide somewhere
20:17Hide?
20:18Yes, hide
20:22Toilets?
20:23Charlotte
20:23All right, someone's desperate for a Diet Coke
20:25No, look
20:26Simon's been attacked by a kid
20:27What in here?
20:29What did he do?
20:29Hit bite him in the knee?
20:30No, kicked him in the cock actually
20:32But listen
20:33Will, please say you aren't going to ask me
20:34To protect you from some children
20:35Hmm, a bit
20:37All right, Chumley Warner
20:39Oh no
20:40Is this your bird then?
20:41No, no, no, no, no
20:43Nice to meet you
20:44You're exactly like Will said you was
20:46Right, I hope that's a compliment
20:47Oh yeah, yeah, it is
20:49Listen, you wouldn't mind having a quick word
20:50With our boss Jim on the old blower, would you?
20:54Please don't
20:55Are you a friend?
20:55From work experience, not really a friend
20:57Jim for you
20:58Ignore everything he has to say
20:59It's all total bollocks, I promise
21:00Hello
21:02Right
21:04No, I'm not his girlfriend, no
21:06No, we didn't have sex
21:08He did, did he?
21:10No, that didn't happen
21:11No, I'm not a porn star
21:14Charlotte, listen
21:15I was working in a garage
21:16You don't understand what it's like
21:18How many chances do you think you're going to get to be a dickhead, Will?
21:21One more
21:22Wrong
21:22You're a nasty little virgin
21:27See you later
21:30Right, fair enough
21:31Okay
21:31Best of a bad lot
21:32Deal what we got
21:34Wolfie
21:34You've got to help me and my mates out
21:35We're in trouble
21:36Nah, I'm off, mate
21:37I only popped in to check out your missus
21:38Right, well
21:40Thanks for popping by and ruining my love life
21:42No problem
21:43I hope you and your ignorant boss get a good laugh out of it
21:46Because I tell you who'll be laughing last
21:48Me
21:48Because I'm not the one who'll be working in a shitty garage
21:51Doing manual labour for the rest of my life
21:54See you Monday
21:55No
21:56No you won't
21:57Because I'll be at a local paper
21:59That's right
22:00A local newspaper
22:02So my date
22:03Yes date
22:03Was a disaster
22:04But at least my friends weren't hiding in the toilet
22:07Oh, they were
22:10Hmm
22:11There was only one person who could help us now
22:13Oh yeah, thanks for stepping in by the way, mate
22:15Yeah, I was going to die up in the second you put your cock away
22:17Budge up a minute, Jay
22:18I really need a piss
22:19Oh, you're not pissing in here, Neil
22:21Why not?
22:21It's a toilet
22:22Go outside if you have to
22:23But what if they come in?
22:24I don't see why I can't just piss in here
22:26Because I do not want to see piss coming out the end of your cock
22:29I could sit down and do it
22:31What?
22:32I do that sometimes, you know
22:33For a treat
22:35Oh, fuck
22:35Just get on with it then
22:44Are you going yet?
22:46I can't go
22:47You lot are putting me off
22:48What shit is that?
22:50Could be Northwood
22:52Who is it?
22:53It's obviously me
22:58What is happening in here?
23:01Has Charlotte sorted it?
23:02No
23:02I've sorted it though
23:03What have you done?
23:04I've called my mum
23:05She's going to come pick us up
23:06What?
23:07Oh, this is tragic
23:08You've called your mum?
23:09Your mum is coming to rescue us from the toilet of an under-18 disco
23:13Because we're being bullied by 12-year-olds
23:15Oh, no one must ever know about this
23:17Look, Si
23:18You just need to go outside
23:19Take your beating from a child like a man
23:20And then we can all leave
23:21I would have taken him down there and then
23:23If it weren't for Northwood backing him up
23:24How were you going to take him down?
23:26Spunk in his eyes?
23:27Oh, shit
23:27What if Carly finds out about me and that girl?
23:30Oh, no
23:31Maybe she still won't go out with you
23:32Oh, God, this is a fucking disaster
23:35Oh, no, actually, it's okay
23:36It's fine
23:36I've worked it out
23:37I just need to move away and change schools
23:39My night hasn't exactly been brilliant either, Simon
23:41At least next week will be better
23:42Get my teeth into some journalism
23:44Oh, yeah, I was meant to tell you about that
23:45The paper want to keep me on
23:47So there's no room for you
23:48Tell me you're joking
23:49No, they said I was the best work experience I ever had or something
23:53There's an urgent message for William McKenzie
23:55Could William McKenzie please make his way to the front entrance
23:58And his mother is here to pick him and his friends up
24:01That's William McKenzie, year 12, Russian mile
24:04Please come to the front
24:05And your mother is waiting to collect you all
24:07Oh, for fuck's sake
24:09It had been a strange week
24:10I hadn't experienced much actual work
24:12But I had learnt some valuable lessons
24:14Never work with children or animals
24:16Hello, wolves
24:17Don't call your Valentine a porn star
24:19You're a nasty little virgin
24:21And despite what I've previously thought
24:23A girl touching your penis is not always a good thing
24:26I've been honest
24:28I've never been impressed
24:31By our friends from New York and London
24:34I'll wear all accusations like the press
24:38Till you realise that you've just yourself in time
24:41Because of Madsmeat
24:45Madsmeat
24:45A world star me
24:50Oh, there it is
24:53BROCK
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