'Xmas Party' As the only person to have volunteered for the job, Will is elected Chairman of the Organization Party for the end of term Christmas bash and ropes the other three boys into being his assistants. #tv #comedy
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00:20It was the end of my first term, and my personal report card read,
00:23Making new friends, C-minus, must try harder.
00:27Being one of the cool gang,
00:30Deep.
00:30Deep.
00:31Nice badge, Diffin.
00:33Not losing my virginity.
00:34Woo!
00:36Will you put your pants on, please?
00:38A star.
00:39But things were looking up.
00:40I'd been elected chairman of the school's Christmas prom committee.
00:43Alright, I was the only candidate.
00:45But still, I really wanted to look the part, which meant hiring my first ever suit,
00:49and Simon's dad selling you just the place.
00:59Are you sure this is the best place to hire suits?
01:02Listen, I've been coming here for years.
01:04Old Mr Sethi knows me very well.
01:05I'll do you a good deal if you mention my name.
01:07He looks a bit old fashioned.
01:10Neil, the stuff in here never goes out of fashion.
01:12It's timeless.
01:13Yeah, well I don't care, because I've already bought a suit.
01:15Once.
01:16Sethi went mental, because I brought a suit back covered in grass stains.
01:18You know what I mean?
01:21Blimey.
01:22Imagine that.
01:22If you got to hire the exact same suit I was wearing the first time me and your mum...
01:26Alright, alright, we're going in.
01:31What do you think?
01:32Oh yes, very nice.
01:34It is a lovely fit.
01:36I'm not too sure about the lapels.
01:38Too jazzy?
01:39They are a little too jazzy, yes.
01:42Is this the sort of suit a chairman would wear?
01:44But of course, definitely for a chairman.
01:46Here we go.
01:47Because you see, I'm the chairman of this committee that's organising our school's Christmas prom this year.
01:51And that's it.
01:52You've now officially told everyone you've ever laid eyes on.
01:55I just think it's important that people know that's all.
01:57Yeah, I'm the DJ.
01:58That's far more important.
01:59I said you might get to DJ.
02:03Oh yes, very, very nice.
02:06I think it's kind of hideous.
02:08Is it velvet?
02:10Too jazzy?
02:11Yeah.
02:12Yeah, too jazzy.
02:13And for you, my young friend, shall I find you something also?
02:16I suppose so.
02:18But I need something special, yeah?
02:19Something that's going to make me stand out.
02:21Oh, I will get you something extra special.
02:24Something just for you.
02:27You sound like a fucking DJ, now don't go back on your word.
02:29Oi, let him DJ.
02:30He's part of my plan to seduce Carly.
02:32What's he going to do, hold her down?
02:34You know, I get breathless every time I think of her.
02:36And when I see her, my heart does little flips.
02:38Are you bent?
02:39Sharp.
02:40It's just that right then you sounded really, really bent.
02:42Won't her boyfriend be there?
02:43Who?
02:44Well, her boyfriend.
02:45The massive rugby player.
02:47Oh, him?
02:48Yeah, no, I don't think they're going out.
02:51Or if they are, then they aren't really.
02:52Oh, I don't know, but she never really says that they definitely are,
02:55so maybe they aren't.
02:56Yes.
02:56I mean, that's the most positive possible way of looking at it.
02:59Here we are.
03:00Just for you.
03:01Perfect.
03:05Too jazzy?
03:06With the prom a few days away, I was stressed,
03:08but I wasn't the only one with things on my mind.
03:10You know, I think I'm ready for a relationship.
03:13You mean you think you're wanking too much?
03:15Yes.
03:15Talking of which?
03:17Oh, Miss Tint.
03:18Oh, she's so fit.
03:20It should be illegal for her to teach biology.
03:23I almost knocked one out there and then when we did the reproduction system.
03:26As something of an outsider, I'd say that actually,
03:28she isn't very fit at all.
03:30She's just the only adult female in the school under 30.
03:33She is so fit.
03:35No, she isn't.
03:36I mean, she's fine, but she's no...
03:37Oh, she'd definitely get it.
03:39If we could all just concentrate above the waist for a second,
03:42I need you all at a planning meeting this lunch.
03:44I've got you some brilliant jobs lined up.
03:47Like what?
03:48Well, giving out the vouchers that can be exchanged for alcohol.
03:51Shit!
03:52If we control the beer vouchers, we get a pick of the birds.
03:56The drunk birds.
03:58That sounded just a little bit rapey.
04:00Well, say what you like, Professor Words.
04:02Thanks to you, we're going to be drowning in babes.
04:05I just want the night to be success.
04:06I have no interest in babes.
04:08Well, that's Andy, because I've got no interest in you.
04:10Oh, sorry.
04:11Who here has pulled Charlotte Hinchcliffe?
04:13Who?
04:14Her?
04:15Me.
04:15That's who?
04:16Yeah, she only did it for a bet.
04:17That's not true.
04:18Oh, God, let's not get into all that again.
04:20It is true.
04:21It's not fucking true.
04:22People don't get fingered for a bet, Jay.
04:25With the possible exception of your sister.
04:27Take that back.
04:28Actually, I do take it back.
04:30Your mum, on the other hand, she'd probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits.
04:33Oh!
04:35Oh, no!
04:36Silence!
04:37Oh, no!
04:40Obviously, no one cool wanted to help organise the prom.
04:43So when it came to recruiting a crack team, I wasn't exactly spoiled for choice.
04:48But while there may be no I in team, luckily there wasn't me.
04:52And if I was to stop these morons from screwing up my big night, every fine detail had to be
04:57planned.
04:58Right.
04:59Welcome.
05:00As you all know, this is the first ever Christmas prom.
05:02Two things are going to make this event successful.
05:05Teamwork and exceptional leadership.
05:07The first thing we need to discuss is the agenda and how that...
05:10Yes, John?
05:11Are we going to have food?
05:13Yep.
05:13Yep, we will.
05:14If you look at the agenda, that's item four, so we'll get to that.
05:17Because I think we should have food.
05:19And I was wondering what type everyone thought we should have.
05:21Yep.
05:22Yep, as I say, that is on the agenda, so we'll get to that.
05:26Lasagna's nice, and so are burgers.
05:28You don't need a plate for burgers, which gives them an edge on lasagna.
05:31Yes, John.
05:32Please.
05:33We'll get to that.
05:34But you can eat burgers off a plate, too.
05:36Listen, lard arse.
05:37There will be food, so shut the fuck up so we can get this over with.
05:40I just wanted you all to...
05:41Shut up!
05:45Right.
05:46Right.
05:47Okay.
05:48Um...
05:49Item one.
05:50Venue.
05:51We're having it in the school hall.
05:53Obviously.
05:55Item two.
05:55Band.
05:56We don't need a band.
05:57I'm DJing.
05:58Half to half ten.
05:59I should be DJing the whole thing!
06:01Well...
06:02They're booked now.
06:03Oh, you're shit at this.
06:04I'll be much better.
06:05I've organised hundreds of parties.
06:06This is the first ever Christmas prom.
06:08Not a chimps tea party.
06:10What we want is a good, structured evening.
06:12What we want is a big, mucky disco and a piss-up.
06:15Hang on.
06:15When have you organised parties?
06:17All the time.
06:17I've known you for ten years, and I have never seen you organise a party.
06:21Bollocks.
06:21What about my birthday party last year?
06:23Your mum organised that.
06:24Yeah.
06:25Under my supervision.
06:26And that was a wicked party.
06:27I fingered a bird.
06:29See?
06:29And also, I organised the caravan club parties.
06:32Remember, we have been to a caravan club party.
06:34And it was shit.
06:35I fingered a bird.
06:36Well, there you go!
06:37Look, Jay, now's not the time.
06:40Item three.
06:41Seriously, Will, why are we here?
06:42You've clearly decided it all already.
06:44No, I haven't.
06:45There's still loads I need your help with.
06:47Like what?
06:48Like, who cleans up the next day?
06:51What item's that?
06:5228.
06:53Oh, for Christ's sake, just get on with it.
06:55Okay.
06:56Item four.
06:56Food.
06:57Oh, good.
06:58She did it as a bet.
07:00One more time, that's not true.
07:02Say what you like.
07:03I know it was a bet.
07:04Ask her.
07:04I will.
07:05There she is over there.
07:06Go ask her now.
07:08I'm not going to ask her now.
07:09I'll ask her later.
07:10Or tomorrow at the prom.
07:11Right.
07:12Course.
07:14Right.
07:15Here goes.
07:16Phase one.
07:19Carly.
07:20Oh, hi, Simon.
07:22All right, sick boy boner.
07:24Yeah.
07:25Um, listen, this dance, you are going, aren't you?
07:27Yeah.
07:28Great.
07:28Great.
07:29Maybe we could go together.
07:30I could do the lift, actually.
07:31Yeah, thanks.
07:32Right, a lift.
07:33Yeah.
07:34Tom's car's broken, so that'd be perfect.
07:36Great.
07:36I've got to get here early to help Will set up, so I'll pick you up about four.
07:39Four?
07:40You want me to get to a prom that starts at eight at four o'clock?
07:44Well, that's what time I'll be getting there.
07:45There'll be loads to do.
07:46So, what, I could turn up in my evening dress four hours early and help you blow up balloons?
07:51Yeah, you could help scrub the floors.
07:53It might be fun.
07:54You know, all together.
07:55Are you mentally ill?
07:57Good one.
07:58Tell you what, I'll see you there in the evening.
08:01Great.
08:02Great.
08:02I'll see you there, then.
08:04You know, since he's met you, he's become much more of a dick.
08:09Really?
08:09Yeah, he does seem to think more and, like, express himself.
08:13Isn't that a good thing?
08:14Does it look like a good thing?
08:23I'm charging you for the chips.
08:25I've never had chips!
08:31Right, then.
08:32So, tomorrow is your Christmas party, or prom, if you will insist on speaking like our transatlantic cousins.
08:40Myself and Miss Timms will be attending to make sure you enjoy yourselves sensibly.
08:45Now, obviously, we want you to have fun, but in order to make it enjoyable for everyone, we have a
08:52few rules.
08:53One.
08:54Everyone will get two alcoholic drink tokens and no more.
08:58Frankly, the last thing I want is to be cleaning up your dreadful sick, or even worse, you putting your
09:05arms around me and telling me that I'm alright for a teacher and that you love me.
09:09Two.
09:10Two.
09:11This is a school dance and not the last days of Rome.
09:17What I mean by this is no heavy petting, and I will be the judge of what constitutes heavy.
09:23Pervert!
09:23I heard that.
09:24But if I see anything that I consider too much, you will be sent home.
09:31Is that clear?
09:33Sir.
09:33Is that clear?
09:35Sir.
09:35Yes, sir.
09:36Good.
09:37Have a nice evening.
09:39I'll leave you in the hands of the chairman of the organising committee, and God help you, William Mackenzie.
09:45Thanks, Phil.
09:47Now...
09:47Sorry.
09:50Thanks for that, Phil.
09:51Phil?
09:54Oh.
09:55It's just because the dance is outside of school time, so I assumed...
09:58Well, you assumed wrong, Will.
10:01Very wrong.
10:03Sorry.
10:06Right then, er...
10:07Say my name properly.
10:10Mr Gilbert.
10:12Say thank you.
10:16Say thank you, Mr Gilbert.
10:18Thank you, Mr Gilbert.
10:20Better.
10:28Erm...
10:29Just a few things to make sure it runs smoothly.
10:32Erm...
10:32I've got the schedules here.
10:34I've not forgotten about you.
10:35I'll be watching you tomorrow.
10:37And if I see you anywhere near Charlotte, I'll rip your fucking throat out.
10:41Have a nice time.
10:45Well, that's good.
10:48Brilliantly!
10:49It wasn't just my reputation on the line of the prom.
10:51Now it was my life.
11:01It was the moment of truth.
11:03Prom night had arrived.
11:04And as I watched my crack team setting things up, it's fair to say I was shitting myself.
11:08David!
11:09David!
11:10David!
11:10Don't lean on that!
11:11It'll come down!
11:12Who's written the toilet signs?
11:14Where are the toilet signs?
11:16We're in the school.
11:17Everyone knows where the toilets are.
11:18They piss in them every day.
11:19Not everyone will know.
11:20We're meant to have signs.
11:21Pen!
11:22Pen!
11:24It's fucking run out.
11:26How can this be happening?
11:27Tonight is a fucking disaster.
11:28It's fine.
11:29It's all fine.
11:30It looks good.
11:31Look, people are going to judge tonight, and therefore me, as either a huge success or a massive failure.
11:36You've got balloons.
11:37You're already one up on any event the school's ever had before.
11:40Just relax.
11:41Also, it's very hard to relax knowing that Donovan might very well kick the shit out of me at some
11:44point.
11:45Oh.
11:45Right.
11:46That makes much more sense.
11:47Anyway, how come you're so calm?
11:48I thought you'd be shitting yourself about your plan to get Carly.
11:50No, no, no, I'm fine.
11:52Jay's got his end sorted, and I know exactly what to say.
11:54Right.
11:55Are you sure you should trust Jay with what could be the tenderest moment of your life?
11:58Yeah.
11:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:59He'll be fine.
11:59It's a good plan.
12:01And can it be worse than puking on her brother's head?
12:03Maybe.
12:04You haven't told me what it is yet.
12:13What the fuck are you wearing?
12:16Oh, my God.
12:17And I thought our suits were shit.
12:19Oh, your cock, it looks so tiny.
12:21It's like an acorn.
12:22Have you gone mental?
12:23Oh, this is cool.
12:24Look, I saw it in nuts.
12:26Girls will fancy me because I stand out.
12:28You'll stand out because your cock is minuscule.
12:30Will you stop looking at my cock?
12:31Mate, I think that's brave.
12:33Really brave.
12:34He's so shit.
12:35Actually, maybe I better go stick a couple of socks down there.
12:38Any jobs for me?
12:40Wash your hands afterwards.
12:41Gotcha.
12:44Will, where's the toilets?
12:47Oh, for fuck's sake.
12:51Despite being organised by my team of geeks,
12:53it actually looked like people were enjoying the party.
12:56See you on the backside.
13:00See you coming over there.
13:03Take you on the moon, child.
13:07Take you on the left of my.
13:10Looking up, looking down, looking down, looking down,
13:14looking down, looking down.
13:14Take you on the ground.
13:17To my car and then to my car.
13:21Mind you, I couldn't afford to relax.
13:23John.
13:24John!
13:26Stop eating the burgers!
13:32Are you stressed?
13:34Yeah.
13:35And to be honest, I think it's a pretty good party.
13:38Oh, and it just got even better.
13:40Here's Miss Tim's.
13:41She actually looks quite fit.
13:43Very fit.
13:48Very fit indeed.
13:54Come on, soon.
13:55You ready, Si?
13:55You found Carly yet?
13:56Not yet, but should we here soon?
13:58Another drink.
13:59Better not.
14:00I don't want to repeat what happened last time.
14:02You okay with the plan?
14:03Yeah.
14:03Yeah, I'm on it.
14:04You got the times and everything?
14:05Yeah, to the second.
14:07Please don't fuck it up.
14:08I won't fuck it up!
14:10Go on, go on, find her.
14:11Right, here goes.
14:18As Neil was about to discover, the problem with drinking for Dutch courage is the next level of drunk up
14:23from that is Dutch dickhead.
14:33So far, so good.
14:35The band rocked, people largely found the toilets without a sign, and best of all, my throat remained unripped out.
14:42Now all I had to worry about was Jay's DJing.
14:51This isn't on the approved playlist.
14:53No one likes this one, Jay.
14:55Well, that's it.
14:55It's a disaster.
14:57Hello, stranger.
14:58Hello, stranger.
14:59Oh, um, hello.
15:01Is...
15:02Is Mark not around?
15:03Why?
15:04Were you gonna ask him to dance?
15:06No.
15:08No, I wasn't.
15:09Are you alright?
15:10Yeah.
15:11I just don't know if this is any good.
15:12I mean, what makes a cool party?
15:15You mean your bloody party, Will?
15:16It's great.
15:17Just enjoy yourself.
15:18It's been nice.
15:19Why would I want to be nice to you, eh?
15:21Trust me, I've been to loads of shit parties, and this really isn't one.
15:25Really?
15:25Yeah.
15:26You've done well.
15:28For a geek.
15:30Come on, we're going for a dance.
15:32Oh, I...
15:32I don't really dance, to be honest.
15:36And I've...
15:37Yeah, I've got stuff to sort out.
15:38Fine.
15:39Be on your dance later.
15:40Agreed?
15:41Agreed.
15:42Oh, Charlotte?
15:44Yeah?
15:46You know...
15:47Us?
15:48Yeah.
15:49I wasn't a bet, was I?
15:57Well, just enjoy your party, and we'll have a dance later.
15:59Okay?
16:07Well, give us a burger.
16:08You could say please.
16:09Just give me one, I've got to be back up there in three minutes.
16:11Not until you say please.
16:13Manners cost nothing.
16:14For fuck's sake.
16:15Can I have a burger?
16:16Please.
16:17Of course you can.
16:18Would you like ketchup on that?
16:20Yeah, go on then.
16:21Please.
16:22Your DJing seems to be going well.
16:24Yeah, it's all right.
16:25Made a few cock-ups.
16:26Well, no one's noticed.
16:27It's weird, but...
16:28I feel better when I'm doing it.
16:30Come on, I'm not so tense.
16:31My counsellor used to say that...
16:33Frustration often comes from wanting to be noticed.
16:37Yeah.
16:39Yeah, that's it.
16:41That's probably why I exaggerate a bit.
16:43To feel special?
16:44Yeah.
16:44Sometimes I feel like the kids here don't pay attention to me.
16:47Like I'm so dumb I don't matter.
16:49I guess making a few things up at least makes me notice.
16:52Do you fancy a bit?
16:54I've still got my two tokens.
16:55I don't mind sharing.
16:57Yeah.
16:58Yeah, cheers.
16:59I understand how you feel, you know.
17:02I can imagine.
17:03You're DJing, aren't you?
17:05Yeah.
17:06I used to DJ at a top nightclub in Ibiza.
17:09Oh, yeah?
17:09I could probably get you a regular spot.
17:11You look like you're really into it.
17:13Yeah.
17:13It's all about being sensitive.
17:15I find it hard to trust, but when it's just me and the music, I'm sorted.
17:19Are you bent?
17:21What?
17:22It was just right then you sounded really, really bent.
17:26Yeah, I heard.
17:27Do you want to come up to the decks with me?
17:28Yeah, all right.
17:29Got them.
17:34You didn't say please.
17:35What about opening up and trusting?
17:37Oh, fuck off, you fat wanker.
17:46Carly.
17:49Carly.
17:50Simon.
17:51You got it all right then?
17:53Looks like it.
17:54Where's Tom?
17:55Oh, that dick.
17:57He is out with his rugby mates.
17:59I left them just so they were going to start drinking beer out of each other's bum cracks.
18:02Right.
18:03That's a bit weird, isn't it?
18:04I don't care.
18:05I'm not interested.
18:06Right.
18:06Great.
18:09Did you want anything in particular?
18:11Yeah.
18:12Yeah, I did want something.
18:19Why is the music stopped?
18:22I stopped it.
18:25Because I need to say that...
18:28I just wanted to say to you that...
18:29Are you going to ask me to finger myself again?
18:31No, God, no.
18:32No.
18:34I just need to say that...
18:38Um...
18:38Simon, I've had enough of dickheads today.
18:40What is it?
18:41Why are you being so weird?
18:47Oh, no.
18:48No, it's nothing.
18:49Nothing.
18:50Um, I was going to say something but it's gone now.
18:52No, what were you going to say?
18:54I was...
18:54Neil?
18:55What the fuck is Neil doing?
18:57Come here.
18:58Oh, go on.
18:59Neil, what are you doing?
19:00I love you.
19:02Please.
19:04Boner!
19:05Boner?
19:06Oh, God!
19:08What?
19:08Boner?
19:09Every year.
19:10Every year someone has a pop, don't they?
19:12Come on, Sutherland.
19:14Let's get you a glass of water.
19:18What's the problem?
19:19I wanted you to come here with me tonight, yeah?
19:21You decide to go out with your friends instead.
19:23What's wrong with that?
19:24What do you mean?
19:24What's wrong with that?
19:24I have to come here on my own.
19:31I fucking warned you about talking to Charlotte.
19:33You are taking a piss.
19:34I didn't.
19:35I wasn't.
19:36She came up to me.
19:37Mr. Gilbert?
19:38Mr. Gilbert!
19:39Hey!
19:40Put him down!
19:41What?
19:42Yeah, leave him alone.
19:44What's wrong with you?
19:44Don't be a dickhead, Donovan.
19:47Yeah, fuck off, Donovan.
19:49Leave the specky short ass alone.
19:50He's organised a good party.
19:52Yeah, briefcase is all right, Donovan.
19:53Don't be a tit.
19:58Charlotte.
20:01Thanks.
20:03That was really kind.
20:05And really great.
20:06And I...
20:06I sort of knew that I'd have to say a few words of thanks at some point tonight.
20:11So I prepared a little speech that...
20:15Ah.
20:17Again.
20:19Of course.
20:25Sorry, Mommy.
20:26Don't worry, sir.
20:27Well done, children.
20:28A fairly innocuous jamboree of adolescent nonsense.
20:32Fear not.
20:33The relationships that some of you have entered into tonight...
20:35Well, they may seem like everything now.
20:37But they'll be over in a matter of weeks.
20:40Now, if we can just make it home without tagging people's property...
20:45Yeah.
20:46I may go to bed relatively hate-free.
20:52Oi!
20:53You two!
20:53Do you want me to fetch up my dinner?
20:55Go home!
21:01I'm allowed to enjoy this, aren't I?
21:03Oh, yeah.
21:04Well done, mate.
21:05Top nine.
21:06Tonight, I win.
21:08Party was good.
21:09Charlotte probably not a bet.
21:11And best of all, Donovan didn't beat me up.
21:13That last one you can only enjoy over the holiday.
21:15It'll kill you next term.
21:18Well...
21:18Did you really enjoy it, though?
21:20Yeah, I had a laugh.
21:21Why do you think I hadn't?
21:22Oh, you know.
21:23It didn't exactly go to plan with Carly.
21:26Well...
21:26I was standing there, ready to say all this stuff to her.
21:30And it just wasn't come out.
21:33And then I thought,
21:34am I really that bothered?
21:36And then Neil said to fuck the teacher.
21:38Oh, leave me alone.
21:39Honestly, it seems like she was going to slap you.
21:41But I think your erection scared her off.
21:43What were you thinking?
21:45I don't know.
21:45I think it was a suit.
21:46It was definitely too jazzy.
21:48I thought Miss Timms would like it.
21:50Even though she's 30,
21:51it's going out with Gilbert
21:52and will go to prison for snogging you.
21:54Gilbert was alright about it, actually.
21:56Are you looking forward to biology next term?
21:58Not really.
21:59It should be interesting.
22:00Oi, oi.
22:01Guess who just got a blowie behind the decks?
22:04Well, not you, obviously.
22:05Guess again.
22:06Jay, you're my mate.
22:07But please, for once, just don't lie.
22:10What happened?
22:12Blowie.
22:12I said, please don't lie.
22:15Alright, alright.
22:16She gave me a hand job, not a blowie.
22:19Aaaaaaah!
22:20Knew it was bollocks.
22:21What?
22:21I just got a hand job on the school stage.
22:24That's better than any of you.
22:25Bollocks.
22:26It's already come down from a blow job.
22:28You'll be telling us it was outside the trousers next.
22:30It was.
22:30That doesn't count.
22:32Oh, that's not even a hand job then.
22:34What has just happened there, my friend, is you've spunked yourself.
22:38That counts.
22:39Doesn't count.
22:40Oh.
22:41Well, I haven't cleaned my cock yet, so, um...
22:44Does this count?
22:45D дерев'en!
22:46Aaaaaah!
22:47Let's go!
22:48Go!
22:51I'll never shake your pride.
22:53You're what a lady, you've found the night by me.
22:59Cause there's the highlight of your miserable life.
23:06The pessimism.
23:08It's never disappointed.
23:10Yeah, a pessimist is never disappointed.
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