- 21 minutes ago
Andie The Great (2021) [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:00:57Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:01:29Transcribed by —
00:01:59Transcribed by —
00:02:03Transcribed by —
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00:02:46I still can't figure out why you're here.
00:02:48Neil?
00:02:48Um, didn't you miss me?
00:02:50Not particularly.
00:02:51Liar.
00:02:52Was a liberal arts major too stressful for you?
00:02:55I made your favorite meal!
00:02:57It's very funny.
00:02:58We have got corndogs for days.
00:03:02Thanks, Mom.
00:03:06Hello, Father.
00:03:07There she is, my favorite child.
00:03:10Hey.
00:03:11Well, stop being such a little asshole.
00:03:14Mom, Dad called me an asshole.
00:03:16Dean, language?
00:03:17This is exactly what I'm talking about.
00:03:20How was rehearsal?
00:03:21Riveting.
00:03:23How was college?
00:03:24Ewitching.
00:03:25Karen, thank you so much for cooking.
00:03:29But why are we in corndog?
00:03:30Because they're Andy's favorite.
00:03:32When she was seven.
00:03:34You're great, Mom.
00:03:36Mom, how does it feel having a college drop-off as your firstborn?
00:03:39Neil, I am proud of my daughter no matter what.
00:03:43Even if she ends up homeless and unemployed.
00:03:47But now is as good a time as any to start talking about your plan.
00:03:50Do you want me to help you find one?
00:03:52No, um...
00:03:54I'm good.
00:03:54I have a job.
00:03:56That's great news.
00:03:57Where?
00:03:58Um, Abby's store.
00:03:59Way to aim for the stars.
00:04:01Neil, shut it.
00:04:01See, I told you not to worry.
00:04:04Mother always worries.
00:04:05We can't all be as loosey-goosey as you.
00:04:07Yeah, loosey-goose.
00:04:10Oh, who's this little beautiful creature?
00:04:14I found her at the bus stop this morning.
00:04:16Hi there, pretty lady.
00:04:18Your mom says we can't keep her.
00:04:21Oh, nonsense.
00:04:22We can't put such a beautiful creature out into the cold.
00:04:26I'm not with the theatrics being.
00:04:27It's a increase.
00:04:28What's her name?
00:04:29Naming her implies we're keeping her.
00:04:30I was thinking of Karen.
00:04:32I like it.
00:04:32Very funny.
00:04:33Hi, Karen.
00:04:34Nope.
00:04:35Nope.
00:04:35Then it's settled.
00:04:36Karen the cat.
00:04:39Baby.
00:04:40Hello, sweetie.
00:04:41Come to daddy.
00:04:44Oh, yes.
00:04:45Oh, look at that little tail.
00:04:50In our seats, go down here.
00:04:51Cool.
00:04:54I know it's not a super sophisticated system, but it's just been me for a long time.
00:04:58Um, are you kidding me?
00:04:59Abby, you own your own store.
00:05:01This is so great.
00:05:02I know.
00:05:03Pretty wild, right?
00:05:04Um, yes.
00:05:05Uh, things are kind of slow, but they've been picking up a little.
00:05:08You're killing it.
00:05:09Thanks, Andy.
00:05:12All right.
00:05:13Feeling good?
00:05:14Yeah, totally.
00:05:16All right.
00:05:17I think I'm going to head out.
00:05:20Ah, okay.
00:05:23And just a reminder, the alarm code is H213.
00:05:27Yes.
00:05:28Do you want to write that down?
00:05:30No, no, you've got it.
00:05:30You've got it.
00:05:31I've got it.
00:05:31Okay, okay.
00:05:32And don't forget to bring the sign in.
00:05:34Um, okay.
00:05:35All right.
00:05:35I won't.
00:05:36Yes.
00:05:36All right.
00:05:36Have fun.
00:05:37Bye.
00:05:37Bye.
00:05:39Love you.
00:05:40Love you, too.
00:05:42See you.
00:05:59Love you, too.
00:06:12Leave my doors unlocked.
00:06:14Baby, come and start the cold.
00:06:16And I don't even know what I'd do without you now.
00:06:22And I don't even know what I'd do without you now.
00:06:29Hold up.
00:06:30Tell me, be patient.
00:06:31So caught up in my heart.
00:06:32I'm a self-agent.
00:06:34I don't want to get out.
00:06:36Get out.
00:06:37And I don't want to get out.
00:06:39Get out.
00:06:41Seeing through me.
00:06:43Holding every single word.
00:06:47And you'll always know that I will be a bird.
00:06:51And I don't even know what I'd do without you now.
00:06:57And I don't even know what I'd do without you now.
00:07:07Hold up.
00:07:08Tell me, be patient.
00:07:09So caught up in my heart.
00:07:10I'm a self-agent.
00:07:12I don't want to get out.
00:07:14Get out.
00:07:15And I don't want to get out.
00:07:17Get out.
00:07:19Let it be easy.
00:07:22Time, time.
00:07:24I don't want to get out.
00:07:25Get out.
00:07:26I don't want to get out.
00:07:28Get out.
00:07:32Oh, as I live and breathe, Andrea Offerman, is that you?
00:07:39I'll be damned.
00:07:40Penelope, I haven't seen you since before the war.
00:07:49Honey, girl, I miss you so much.
00:07:52Tell me everything.
00:08:02Yeah, I've been home for, like, 48 hours, but we'll, uh, we'll see.
00:08:10Well, I super believe in you.
00:08:13What specifically did you hate about uni?
00:08:16Uh, kind of all of it.
00:08:18No, like, it wasn't bad, it was just, everyone takes it so seriously, and I don't know if
00:08:24you remember this, but taking it seriously is not my forte.
00:08:27It's not your forte.
00:08:28That's right.
00:08:30I hate you.
00:08:32I told you so.
00:08:33Or anyway, but you totally should have just stayed here with me.
00:08:36Community college is where it's at, dude.
00:08:39Absolutely no one takes it seriously.
00:08:41Yeah, not even your parents.
00:08:45Oh, shut up.
00:08:48Also, it's not like you learn less real fast.
00:08:54Oh, my God.
00:08:55Look who it is.
00:08:56Wow.
00:08:57Whoa, hey.
00:08:58Andy, oh my God, you're back.
00:09:00I'm back.
00:09:02Whoa, dude.
00:09:03I mean, like, yeah, no, I saw on your Instagram story or whatever, but, um, it's really good
00:09:10to see you.
00:09:11You too, man.
00:09:14Oh, um, what are you doing right now?
00:09:15Do you want to grab dinner with us?
00:09:17Yeah, no, I'd love to.
00:09:19I'm not, um, really doing anything, just, um, enjoying the view, so.
00:09:23I am actually gonna go home.
00:09:27Yeah, Boo wants to have dinner.
00:09:30Whipped.
00:09:32Oh, dear bitch.
00:09:33Yeah, I will.
00:09:34Yeah, but, um, no, yeah, that sounds great.
00:09:38Um, full disclosure?
00:09:40Uh, I'm pretty high right now, so.
00:09:43Yeah, we know.
00:09:43Okay.
00:09:45Cool.
00:09:49So, how are we talking here?
00:09:53Three.
00:09:54Oh.
00:09:56It's not that bad.
00:09:57Out of three.
00:09:59Oh.
00:10:00Great.
00:10:01Hey, guys, how's it going?
00:10:03Uh, yeah, good.
00:10:04How are you?
00:10:04A bit of a slow night, but no complaints.
00:10:07Cool, cool, cool.
00:10:09Can I start you off with something to drink?
00:10:11Uh, yeah.
00:10:13We're not engines, so.
00:10:17As in, we don't need fuel, so.
00:10:19Yeah, I got it.
00:10:20Um, can we just get two IPAs, please?
00:10:23Sounds good.
00:10:23You guys got your IDs?
00:10:25Oh, what did you like to know, little girl?
00:10:29Yep.
00:10:31It's cool.
00:10:32I remember you guys.
00:10:33Okay, thanks.
00:10:35Wow.
00:10:36Stone Hans is as fun as I remember.
00:10:39Yeah, I need some food to bring me back down.
00:10:42Yeah, you do.
00:10:44Isn't that nice?
00:10:46Yeah.
00:11:12High school wasn't the worst.
00:11:13It really wasn't.
00:11:15I mean, it beat the shit out of community college anyways.
00:11:19And he was saying it's not that bad.
00:11:22It's fine.
00:11:23It's just a little bland, I guess.
00:11:26I mean, the destitute nature of it is fine, but the shallowness of some of the people is just the
00:11:32worst.
00:11:33You know, people pretending they're in Berkeley or some fancy shit.
00:11:41That made the place shit.
00:11:42These bitches are everywhere.
00:11:44I guess.
00:11:46I was just hoping we could all, you know, get on with our lives and learn something so we could
00:11:51climb out of the shithole.
00:11:52The shithole is not the worst place to be.
00:11:55I guess.
00:11:57I'm assuming you didn't plunk out?
00:11:59No.
00:12:01Figured.
00:12:02You're too smart.
00:12:04Did you just lose interest?
00:12:06Uh, I never really had it, to be honest.
00:12:09Right.
00:12:10Some good parties, at least?
00:12:13Yeah.
00:12:14Yeah, there were a few of those.
00:12:15I just, I don't know, even then it was like people were trying to be something out of, like, an
00:12:21American Pie movie or something.
00:12:22It's like, okay, it's like people were playing the part of college students.
00:12:27Does that make sense?
00:12:28Yeah, I mean, that doesn't sound that bad, honestly.
00:12:31Well, sure, but give me a six or a beer and a joint with my old pal Hans over that
00:12:36any day.
00:12:39Aw, thanks.
00:12:43All done with these?
00:12:45Yes, please.
00:12:48You okay?
00:12:49Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:12:51I mean, um, yes, I am.
00:12:54I, uh, I needed that.
00:12:57You sure did.
00:12:58I hope we just got the bill.
00:13:00I got it right here for you.
00:13:01Oh, so...
00:13:01I do what I can.
00:13:04I got this.
00:13:06It's a welcome home gift.
00:13:08Aw, thanks, dude.
00:13:09Of course.
00:13:11Meals on Meals is going well?
00:13:13Yeah?
00:13:13Rich guy?
00:13:14Uh, yeah.
00:13:15It pays okay.
00:13:16I mean, they really can't tell the difference between bills, so they always end up tipping me way too much.
00:13:22You don't tell them?
00:13:23That's some dark shit, dude.
00:13:25No, no, of course I do, but then they think it's cute that I'm being honest and they let me
00:13:30keep it.
00:13:31I bet they do.
00:13:32No doubt, they love having a gay delivery guy.
00:13:36Being the only gay in the village who has its upsides.
00:13:39Pimbal?
00:13:41Um, heck yeah.
00:13:42It's like the only sport I'm good at.
00:13:44I want that and ribbage.
00:13:47Ribbage?
00:13:47Uh-huh.
00:13:48Yeah, a lot of the people I deliver to are elderly white women, so we play.
00:13:53Cool.
00:13:53Mm-hmm.
00:13:54Also, neither of those are sports.
00:13:56Just let me have this, okay?
00:13:59Dibs on Star Trek.
00:14:00You can have it.
00:14:01Mm-hmm.
00:14:02Yeah.
00:14:03Some of us have grown up since you left.
00:14:05Matured to X-Men.
00:14:06Oh, X-Men?
00:14:08Uh-huh.
00:14:10Okay.
00:14:11Okay.
00:14:12Star Trek.
00:14:13Uh-huh.
00:14:23Abby's store not cutting it for you?
00:14:26Abby's store isn't really cutting it for anyone.
00:14:28Oh, shit.
00:14:29Is she closing down?
00:14:30No, no, no.
00:14:30She just...
00:14:31She can't really afford an employee right now.
00:14:33Well, so...
00:14:34Look what I found.
00:14:36Look at these photos.
00:14:38Andy, you were so gosh darn cute.
00:14:41Yikes.
00:14:42Who's you?
00:14:43Isn't she precious?
00:14:44You look like you're autistic.
00:14:46You're such a dick.
00:14:47It's not funny, Dean.
00:14:48I don't think it's funny either.
00:14:49She looks just like me.
00:14:51Although that must mean I have Asperger's.
00:14:55You do have Asperger's.
00:14:57Are you looking for a new job already?
00:15:00Okay.
00:15:01This one's not my fault.
00:15:02Abby can't afford me.
00:15:05Jesus, look at this one.
00:15:10You know I wasn't your mother's first choice, right?
00:15:12I can't imagine.
00:15:13It's not true.
00:15:14Oh, please.
00:15:15I just knocked you up at the right time.
00:15:17Look how handsome you are.
00:15:19You see?
00:15:19She can't even deny it.
00:15:21Really, Andy?
00:15:22Drinking already?
00:15:25Can you grab me one, too?
00:15:26Yeah, I'm unemployed, Mom.
00:15:28Can you just let me have one day of day drinking, please?
00:15:39Come work for me.
00:15:42Um, yeah, I could.
00:15:45I think you're forgetting that I'm not a licensed therapist.
00:15:48No, not as a therapist.
00:15:50As a receptionist.
00:15:51Ever since Alice went back to school, it's been hard for me to keep up with her.
00:15:55Ah, look how dumb Neil looks.
00:15:57Dean, would you stop insulting everyone and stop making fun of your kids?
00:16:01I'm still not sure they're mine.
00:16:03It's not funny.
00:16:04I think it's funny.
00:16:05You'd just be answering phones, taking payments, and managing my calendars.
00:16:09Anything else, Your Majesty?
00:16:10Well, I could always hire someone else and start charging you rent.
00:16:14I'll take it.
00:16:15I thought so.
00:16:16Ah, look at your stupid face!
00:16:22Yeah, and then I told him, you know what?
00:16:24I was just born this way.
00:16:28Wow, what a story.
00:16:29Okay, babe.
00:16:30Well, Abby, um, Penny tells me your boyfriend is in a band.
00:16:36Formerly, yes.
00:16:37Oh, did they break up?
00:16:38Oh, no.
00:16:39We broke up.
00:16:40Oh, my God.
00:16:41Sorry, dude.
00:16:43It's cool.
00:16:44It ran its course.
00:16:45It ran its course.
00:16:46Are you looking to find comfort in another man's arms?
00:16:49My room's upstairs.
00:16:50Neil, stop being gross.
00:16:52It's nice.
00:16:54Great.
00:16:55Uh, so, how did you two meet?
00:16:58Oh, well, I mean...
00:17:01Oh, my God.
00:17:03Look at you go.
00:17:05You know, this is what I miss the most.
00:17:08I fucking love dinner parties.
00:17:10I love your dinner parties.
00:17:12Well, um, to answer your question...
00:17:17Here we go.
00:17:18I was in the club.
00:17:21Dancing with some friends.
00:17:23And, uh, he comes up behind me.
00:17:26Grabs my ass.
00:17:28Oh.
00:17:29Asks if I'm DTF.
00:17:31You all know what that means.
00:17:32And then, we've been together ever since.
00:17:36Yeah, no, you really need to stop telling people that.
00:17:39Oh.
00:17:40First impressions.
00:17:42Um, no, I'm a TA at VCC.
00:17:45Yeah.
00:17:46Your parents must be so proud.
00:17:47Jesus Christ, Neil.
00:17:49No, it's fine.
00:17:51A little man with the jokes, huh?
00:17:53All right.
00:17:54All right, yeah.
00:17:55He's a TA in my marketing class.
00:17:58And, uh, I mean, let's be honest, couldn't keep his eyes off this freshman bod for months.
00:18:05And finally, he worked up the courage to ask me out to see some old people band.
00:18:14Arcade fire is not an old person band.
00:18:16Uh, do you make a habit of leering at your youngest students, Adam?
00:18:20Well, well, when you put it that way, I guess I actually do sound less creepy in Penny's story.
00:18:30I'm going to play five.
00:18:32He's so old.
00:18:34He's so old.
00:18:35He's so old.
00:18:37I'm going to get in the air.
00:18:38Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:19:19Is that what I think it is?
00:19:21Karen's apple pie.
00:19:22Suck, yeah!
00:19:27So I feel like a jerk.
00:19:30What?
00:19:31God, it's so fine, Abby.
00:19:33You overextended.
00:19:35What happens?
00:19:35Like, I should have known that I couldn't afford it before I offered you a job.
00:19:40And I was getting overwhelmed, and I just also really wanted to help you out.
00:19:43I know.
00:19:45And it's completely okay.
00:19:47And hey, I'm only working for my mom like three days a week, so I can come watch a store
00:19:54whenever you need.
00:19:54Really?
00:19:55Yeah.
00:19:57That's what friends are for.
00:19:58That's what friends are for.
00:20:00That's what you sound like.
00:20:01Fucking go with your pie in your room.
00:20:02That's what I was doing anyways.
00:20:04Bye, Abby.
00:20:07See you, dude.
00:20:11Hi, me.
00:20:14Uh, so when do you find out?
00:20:17Tomorrow evening.
00:20:20Nice.
00:20:21It's a quick trip, hey?
00:20:22Yeah, I haven't seen my parents since Christmas, so I figured it was worth skipping class one
00:20:26Monday.
00:20:26Okay.
00:20:28Cool, cool, cool.
00:20:29Cool.
00:20:31Cool.
00:20:34Cool.
00:20:35planning on going back to school? Oh, I don't really know that I am. I'm just kind of figuring
00:20:43things out as I go, you know? Sure, but... What? You have a plan, right? No, not really.
00:20:55Isn't that kind of, uh, irresponsible? Okay, hey, why don't we go get a drink? I'm fine. Okay.
00:21:03Yeah, look, dude, I don't know, but I do know that I'd rather spend the next few months or
00:21:08years figuring it out than spend 80 grand learning about something I really don't give a fuck about.
00:21:13Yeah, I mean, sure, and I'm not telling you what to do, but... Oh, sure, you're not.
00:21:16I mean, this is a crucial age. Everything you do now affects the rest of your life.
00:21:22Sure. I just don't want you to make a decision that'll change your trajectory.
00:21:27My trajectory? Come on, you're Andy Offerman. Oh, okay,
00:21:30I don't really know what that means, but what, like, what, am I supposed to be like you and be
00:21:35yet another millennial going for a business degree? Not necessarily, it's...
00:21:39So I can compete for unpaid internships and maybe become an associate by 30?
00:21:43You know, forget I said anything, it's just... Let's go play some beard part, man.
00:21:46Yeah, come on. Come play.
00:21:52You fucking can't stand that guy. I know.
00:22:12What's wrong, baby?
00:22:13Fucking Neil?
00:22:15I know he can be a bit of a handful, but I think...
00:22:18No, uh, no, I can actually, I can handle a handful.
00:22:20He's, like, he's always been a handful.
00:22:22Now he's just, like, mean.
00:22:23Well, he's on the verge of puberty, and he's just having a hard time talking to women.
00:22:29He's a dick to dad, too.
00:22:31True. Your father doesn't exactly command respect.
00:22:34Okay, he was being extremely rude to everyone at my party last night.
00:22:37Like, come on, I wasn't that bad when I was that age.
00:22:40Oh, God, no.
00:22:41Your problem years were, like, 14 to...
00:22:44I'll keep it posted.
00:22:46Honey.
00:22:47Honey, why don't you just take him out for ice cream like you used to?
00:22:51Hell, even bring Penny.
00:22:54Okay, okay.
00:22:55Okay.
00:22:59Your perspective creates your reality, hon.
00:23:01I get it.
00:23:17Boom.
00:23:18I am the stone-skipping champion.
00:23:21Oh, yeah?
00:23:21Yep.
00:23:22Suck it up, losers.
00:23:23All right.
00:23:24No one likes a cloter, Neil.
00:23:27Okay, um, ice cream?
00:23:29Loser pays.
00:23:31So you're saying you would have paid if I won?
00:23:34Nope.
00:23:35No.
00:23:50If you're not going to give me Abby's number, then I'm going to hit on Penny.
00:23:53Oh, go for it, rock star.
00:23:55Uh, Penny has a boyfriend.
00:23:56Right.
00:23:57Who?
00:23:57That wildly successful guy from last night?
00:24:00Come on.
00:24:01You're like six.
00:24:02And you don't tell someone you're going to hit on them.
00:24:04Then how do you do it?
00:24:06I could use some pointers.
00:24:07I could use some pointers.
00:24:08Are you really asking?
00:24:11Like, like for someone specific?
00:24:14Oh.
00:24:16Oh my god, who is it?
00:24:18Uh, uh, uh, uh, you know, my dear?
00:24:20You know who it is?
00:24:21Secrecy is of the utmost importance at this age.
00:24:24Really?
00:24:25Yeah, man.
00:24:26Like, okay, you might think seating it with a friend is a good idea, but generally it just,
00:24:31it just leads to way more complications.
00:24:33Like, either they'll start liking you, for example, or they'll start on the rumor mill.
00:24:39So, what do I do?
00:24:41Just kiss her or something?
00:24:42Whoa.
00:24:43What do you want to be wanting to see?
00:24:44What Penny is trying to say is, look, that doesn't really fly anymore.
00:24:50The game has changed.
00:24:52Super.
00:24:52Just in time for my puberty.
00:24:55Yeah, okay, um, no, it does, yes, it does suck from that perspective.
00:24:59But, okay, kind of only from that perspective.
00:25:03But, like, does that mean I can't hit on anyone?
00:25:06Is flirting not feminist?
00:25:08Wow, an enlightened boy you are.
00:25:11Yes, thanks, Yoda.
00:25:12Thanks, Yoda.
00:25:13Um, no, I, look, I do hear what you're saying, bud, but they're just two completely different issues.
00:25:20Like, entirely, like, it's just...
00:25:22I mean, there's a difference between flirting and assault.
00:25:25Yes.
00:25:26So, what do I do?
00:25:28Well, do you think she knows?
00:25:31I don't know.
00:25:32Have you, like, caught her eye a few times?
00:25:35Yeah, and did you, like, look away fast?
00:25:38Good.
00:25:38Okay, that's good.
00:25:39Um, stage one is good.
00:25:42The next part's gonna be harder.
00:25:45You're gonna have to talk to her.
00:25:47Alone.
00:25:49How do I do that?
00:25:51Well, I, you know, I think you'll be surprised.
00:25:53Like, if you're both interested, it's just, it's just gonna happen.
00:25:56But, the key is, you need to make it happen soon.
00:25:59Once eye contact is engaged, time is of the essence.
00:26:02Yes, and, and, you know, ask her about herself.
00:26:05You know, be interested.
00:26:08Okay, cool.
00:26:10Penny, can we talk in private, please?
00:26:14Oh, my God.
00:26:17Oh, God, no.
00:26:19I know, and don't smile like that at her.
00:26:21Fuck, she'll know you're a little asshole.
00:26:23Ha, ha.
00:26:25God, I miss you guys.
00:26:30And then we just deal out the cards.
00:26:32And we put the markers into the board.
00:26:35That's my favorite part.
00:26:36Oh, you just like putting pointy things into tight holes.
00:26:40Oh.
00:26:41And then we just deal out four cards.
00:26:44And we call that the crib.
00:26:46Ah, yeah, I know that.
00:26:47I read it on the internet.
00:26:50You didn't think I'd show up here with a bunch of pros and not do my research?
00:26:53All right, then.
00:26:56Would you knock that off, Jean?
00:26:59Knock what off?
00:26:59You know exactly what you need to knock off.
00:27:01He's not home.
00:27:03Who's not home?
00:27:04Mr. Daniels.
00:27:06Who's Mr. Daniels?
00:27:08Only the most eligible widower on this side of Main Street.
00:27:11Possibly the whole city.
00:27:12And why would you think a man of that caliber would be interested in you?
00:27:16How exactly did you know he wasn't home?
00:27:19Unless you were doing exactly the same thing this morning.
00:27:21We were talking.
00:27:22Oh, you were just talking.
00:27:24And you were just conveniently outside when he was leaving.
00:27:27I was having my morning coffee.
00:27:28Oh, and you probably poured him a cup of that premium shit that I paid for.
00:27:32Just being a good neighbor, you could learn a thing or two.
00:27:35I can be the good neighbor in other ways.
00:27:37And what way is that?
00:27:39Being the neighborhood tricycle?
00:27:41Don't be mad at me just because I've had more than one sexual partner in the past 50 years.
00:27:45Okay, ladies, ladies, ladies.
00:27:47Mrs. Tremblay, enough of the slut shaming.
00:27:49Mrs. Tremblay's an independent woman.
00:27:51She can sleep with whoever she wants.
00:27:52Oh, don't worry.
00:27:53She does.
00:27:55Hey, you heard her.
00:27:57Okay, um, we need to, we need to come up with a solution here.
00:28:01And what do you have in mind?
00:28:02Um, I don't know, maybe, maybe you can share him?
00:28:08With her?
00:28:10Please.
00:28:11Her body hasn't exactly kept up.
00:28:13Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:28:15Let's get this game going.
00:28:21So, have you guys always lived together?
00:28:23Oh, no, I just moved in recently.
00:28:25Not recently enough.
00:28:27It's been almost two years since she's been invading my personal space.
00:28:30That long already?
00:28:31She's been counting.
00:28:33Jean thinks I need company.
00:28:35She's scared I'm going to turn into an old cook without Michael.
00:28:38Yeah, turn into.
00:28:40And Michael is?
00:28:41My husband.
00:28:43Oh, of course.
00:28:43I'm sorry.
00:28:44Don't be.
00:28:45I killed him.
00:28:46I've joked.
00:28:48It was cancer.
00:28:49The bastard smoked a pack a day for 50 years.
00:28:52You know, you can't do that to people.
00:28:54You have got crazy eyes, Toronto.
00:28:56One of these days, you're going to do that, and somebody's going to believe you and lock you up.
00:29:00Can you imagine?
00:29:01Orange is not our color.
00:29:03Oh, suck a dick.
00:29:04That's why I'm always on this guy when he's smoking.
00:29:07I don't smoke.
00:29:09Oh, please.
00:29:10You don't think I can tell when you're working high?
00:29:12We lived through the 60s.
00:29:14It's not the same as cigarettes.
00:29:15You know, that can't be true.
00:29:17Okay, well, would you prefer that I vape?
00:29:19Oh, please.
00:29:20So you can look like a giant fucking douche.
00:29:23No, thank you.
00:29:32How'd you two meet?
00:29:34Roommates.
00:29:35Roommates.
00:29:36We'll end up being two mates.
00:29:37I actually meant how'd you and Michael meet.
00:29:40Ah, Michael.
00:29:41Now that's a story.
00:29:43He was just home from the war.
00:29:45Oh, World War II?
00:29:47Vietnam.
00:29:48How old do you think we are?
00:29:50Well, you know what soldiers can be like.
00:29:52We tried to play the twin thing on him a few times.
00:29:55But, well, he only had eyes for you.
00:29:59She has slutty eyes.
00:30:03All right, well, it was really awesome meeting you guys.
00:30:05It's nice to finally put faces to names.
00:30:07Oh, it's a pleasure, hon.
00:30:08Oh, and thanks for humoring two old kooks.
00:30:13Do you guys want to do this again next Thursday?
00:30:15Don't say things you don't mean.
00:30:16We'll hold you to it.
00:30:17No, let's do it.
00:30:19I mean, this could be like a weekly cribbage club, you know?
00:30:21When you say it, that sounds lame.
00:30:23All right, next Thursday it is.
00:30:24You know something, sweetie?
00:30:26If you weren't queer, you'd have a steady ready.
00:30:29We need to find a man for this man.
00:30:32Don't say queer.
00:30:33No, that's the good word now.
00:30:34That can't be true.
00:30:35No, she's right.
00:30:37Ha!
00:30:38You learn something new every day.
00:30:39Well, I hear Mr. Daniels is available.
00:30:41Watch it.
00:30:42Oh, sorry.
00:30:43All right, bye, Mr. Rumbly.
00:30:45Bye, Mrs. Rumbly.
00:30:46See you Thursday.
00:30:47Have a good night, you two.
00:30:48I wasted all my time
00:30:54Searching for one that isn't in my life
00:31:04I held your hand so long
00:31:09That in the NFL wrong
00:31:13That's why I'm giving up
00:31:30How much money did Mr. Rumbly slide you?
00:31:33Fifty.
00:31:34She said to buy you something nice.
00:31:36Buy me something nice?
00:31:37Uh-huh.
00:31:38Cute.
00:31:41You were so close.
00:31:43You really were.
00:31:44You know, I'm not as good at cribbage as I said I was.
00:31:47I know.
00:31:49Should we, like, get dinner or something
00:31:52Instead of just drinking all of Jean's money away?
00:31:55Uh, we could gamble it away.
00:31:59I think the Trumblies would be proud.
00:32:01I think we would.
00:32:03I think they'd be very proud.
00:32:05Yeah.
00:32:06Definitely gambling hoes.
00:32:16Well, this is how we spend our last stop.
00:32:21I mean, we do have more money.
00:32:23Like, our own money, so...
00:32:24I know, I just...
00:32:24It feels more badass this way.
00:32:26Totally, totally.
00:32:28You should do it.
00:32:29You should do this.
00:32:32Um, okay.
00:32:33Yeah.
00:32:54Well?
00:32:58We just won $20.
00:33:00$20?
00:33:06What can we invest in?
00:33:08Uh, more cash?
00:33:09Uh, more cash?
00:33:10Yeah.
00:33:11Yes.
00:33:12Oh my goodness.
00:33:14Yes.
00:33:15Yes.
00:33:17Oh my goodness.
00:33:26Oh my goodness.
00:33:46I know it's 2018, but what 9- or 10-year-old wants to hear that their dad is someone
00:33:54totally different?
00:33:59I'm hearing a lot of fear.
00:34:01Yeah, I'm afraid.
00:34:04I'm afraid I'm losing them.
00:34:06I love them so much.
00:34:17I don't feel I have a right to...
00:34:20You don't have kids and get to change your mind about your family.
00:34:42I'm hearing a lot of fear.
00:34:45I'm also hearing a lot of love from a devoted father, Ben.
00:34:52Thank you, Karen.
00:34:54You're doing a great job in a really hard situation.
00:34:58I see Andy's back.
00:35:00I'm getting a sense that you're wanting to wrap things up for today.
00:35:05Is that on track?
00:35:05If by wrap up you mean put it in its box, lock it ten times...
00:35:11Clap it down, yeah.
00:35:12...to this exact time next week, then yes.
00:35:15Okay.
00:35:16And yes, Andy's back.
00:35:21Don't worry.
00:35:22She's a special one.
00:35:23She'll be okay.
00:35:24Yeah.
00:35:25Thanks, Karen.
00:35:34Hey, Andy.
00:35:35Feeling cured, mister?
00:35:36Yeah, I think that's it for me.
00:35:38Cool.
00:35:38I'll just cancel all your next sessions.
00:35:40Absolutely not.
00:35:41No, no, no, no, no.
00:35:44So, how's the new class of students?
00:35:47I mean, they're not you guys.
00:35:49But they're not bad, I guess.
00:35:50I mean, I'm drinking more, but that's probably not their fault.
00:35:55How would you feel about...
00:35:57Do you want to get a beer later?
00:36:00Yeah.
00:36:00Yeah?
00:36:01Yeah.
00:36:01Why not?
00:36:02Do you like the hallway?
00:36:03Do you know that place?
00:36:04Of course I know the hallway.
00:36:05I fucking love that place.
00:36:07Sweet.
00:36:08So, I'll see you there at like eight?
00:36:10Eight's great.
00:36:10Awesome.
00:36:11Catch you then.
00:36:12Yay, yeah.
00:36:12Eight's great.
00:36:14Hilarious.
00:36:15Oh, you owe me money.
00:36:17Oh, I forgot my wallet.
00:36:20Oh.
00:36:21Ah, just kidding.
00:36:23Cool Mr. A with his jokes.
00:36:25There you go.
00:36:26Thanks, Andy.
00:36:27Catch you later.
00:36:28Bye.
00:36:28Welcome home.
00:36:29Oh, thank you.
00:36:30Yeah.
00:36:38So, this is weird, right?
00:36:41No.
00:36:41No?
00:36:42No, I don't think it's weird.
00:36:43Like, I think of it this way.
00:36:45Like, I've got other friends in their 30s.
00:36:48Someone just happened to teach us to kill a mockingbird.
00:36:52Normal.
00:36:53Normal.
00:37:00Hey, I hope we didn't keep you waiting too long.
00:37:02Not at all.
00:37:02I have a beard to keep me company.
00:37:04Good.
00:37:05Hey, Ant.
00:37:06Hey, Mr. Anderson.
00:37:08I think if we're going to be hanging out socially, you should call me Ben.
00:37:11Right, yeah.
00:37:12Ben.
00:37:12No.
00:37:14Mr. A.
00:37:14Like, I'm sick of Mr. A.
00:37:16That's way too weird.
00:37:17Like, first name Mr., last name Anderson?
00:37:20Ben does not exist to me.
00:37:21Okay, fair enough.
00:37:21Who is that?
00:37:27No, but I'm sure no one's lived up to the theater legend of Hans, right?
00:37:31No one understood he's quite like you, dude.
00:37:35So, Hans, I caught up with Andy a little earlier.
00:37:37What's been going on with you?
00:37:40Oh, not much.
00:37:41Just been working, skateboarding, you know.
00:37:45Getting high.
00:37:48Please.
00:37:48Like, I didn't know you were getting stoned every day in class.
00:37:52I mean, to be fair, it was more like three days a week, so.
00:37:57Are you dating anyone?
00:37:59No.
00:38:01What?
00:38:03Sparks flying.
00:38:05What?
00:38:09Well, I assume that means you overheard a confidential conversation I had with your mom.
00:38:18Maybe.
00:38:20I'm married, Andy, and while I'm figuring this out, I respect that, and I respect my wife.
00:38:28Do you really think I want my first sexual experience with a man to be with Hans?
00:38:34No offense, dude.
00:38:36None taken.
00:38:36I'm not really a first choice kind of guy.
00:38:42I'm sorry.
00:38:44I was just completely out of line.
00:38:47You were.
00:38:49But I just want you to be happy, and I think you'd be a lot happier if you came out.
00:38:54That is not for you to decide, Andy.
00:39:01Look, overall, I had a lot of fun this evening, and let's just pretend the last two minutes
00:39:06didn't happen, okay?
00:39:07Yes, please.
00:39:09But I got to get back to the fam.
00:39:12First round's on me.
00:39:14Thanks.
00:39:15Thanks.
00:39:17Thanks.
00:39:18Thanks.
00:39:26So, how was everything?
00:39:28Super.
00:39:30Just remembering why I don't hang around with 20-year-olds anymore.
00:39:34Oh.
00:39:59I'm, uh, I'm not gay.
00:40:06Shut up.
00:40:07No, seriously.
00:40:12What?
00:40:14You were the only openly gay kid in our class.
00:40:17Yeah, I, uh, I know.
00:40:20Um, okay, so you're saying you're not attracted to men anymore?
00:40:25No, like, I, I never was.
00:40:28Your coming out video went, like, viral.
00:40:31Yeah, look, I just, uh, all through elementary school, people made fun of me for being bad
00:40:39at sports, or being, you know, in band, or whatever, you know?
00:40:44Sure.
00:40:46So, the summer before high school, I visited my family in Montreal.
00:40:51My cousin Vince, he's gay, and he gave me the idea.
00:40:56Your gay cousin told you to pretend to be gay?
00:40:58No, Jesus Christ, not like that, no.
00:41:00I, he just, he just, he was, you know?
00:41:03And he's, like, the coolest guy that I know.
00:41:06And, it was 2012, and Frank Ocean had just come out, and, I don't know, being, being gay
00:41:14was kind of cool.
00:41:17So, I figured if I pretended to be gay, just for high school, you know, maybe I wouldn't
00:41:24get laid, or whatever, but maybe I could be cool.
00:41:27Oh, wow.
00:41:30So, I, I guess that worked out for you, okay?
00:41:32I mean, yeah, I, I was fucking prom king, but I also thought that I would be out of this
00:41:39town right after I graduated, and never come back, so.
00:41:47It's not fucking funny.
00:41:48I mean, it kind of is.
00:41:50Yeah, I guess.
00:41:53Look, I don't, I don't expect you to understand.
00:41:56You've always had a, a thing.
00:41:59What do you mean?
00:42:01Come on.
00:42:02You're Andy Offerman.
00:42:05Yeah.
00:42:06I'm Andy Offerman.
00:42:08The girl who can't finish her first year of university.
00:42:13The girl who can't keep a job and has absolutely no direction in life.
00:42:18Um, everybody knows you're destined for great things, Andy.
00:42:22You're special.
00:42:23Yeah, uh, people have been saying shit like that for, probably as long as I can remember.
00:42:29You know, that I, like, have something special.
00:42:32But, Hans, I'm not good at anything.
00:42:37You know, it's maybe, oh, um, maybe special is just another word for obnoxious.
00:42:48I think you're special.
00:42:55Sorry, I...
00:42:56No, don't, don't be.
00:42:57Young love
00:43:00Young love
00:43:12Young love
00:43:13Young love
00:43:14Young love
00:43:16He was back home
00:43:18To this
00:43:32This is your first one, this thing improves.
00:43:37Really?
00:43:39Really?
00:43:39Young love
00:43:41Really?
00:43:43Really?
00:43:58Hey Andy, I can't figure out how to uh...
00:44:02Oh.
00:44:04My mistake.
00:44:07Shit.
00:44:09Shit.
00:44:09Fuck, fuck, shit.
00:44:10Hansy's fine.
00:44:11No, no, it's not.
00:44:13What?
00:44:13What are you doing?
00:44:14I have to go apologize.
00:44:16Man to man.
00:44:17No.
00:44:17Yes, yes, I do.
00:44:21Hans, you really don't.
00:44:29Mr. Offerman.
00:44:30Hey, um, not sure if you remember me, but um...
00:44:34Sure I do, Hans.
00:44:36Right, Hans.
00:44:37Yeah, that's me, good.
00:44:38Um, okay.
00:44:39I...
00:44:40I'm so, so sorry that you just saw what you just saw.
00:44:44Um, I just want you to know that I have the best of intentions with your daughter.
00:44:50Um, uh, we were, we were, uh, we were drinking a little bit.
00:44:54Like, not too much, but we, you know, we were drinking a little bit.
00:44:58And, um, Mr. Anderson was there.
00:45:01And, er, not, he wasn't there upstairs just now, right?
00:45:04But he was at the bar with us.
00:45:06Um, and anyways, you know, one thing led to another, and next thing you know...
00:45:11You were trying to fuck my daughter.
00:45:15Ugh.
00:45:16Uh, you know, I, I am so sorry, again.
00:45:20Uh, I just, I have, I have nothing but respect for your daughter.
00:45:26And, and I would never do anything to harm her.
00:45:28You know, I, I was raised by a single mother, so I just, I respect women so, so much.
00:45:34You know.
00:45:38Okay.
00:45:42Okay.
00:45:45Yeah, yeah.
00:45:50Ha, ha, ha.
00:45:51Ha, ha, ha!
00:45:52Ha, ha, ha!
00:45:54Oh, uh, uh, uh.
00:45:57Oh, I only had the best intentions with your daughter!
00:46:01You done?
00:46:04you're the worst
00:46:05maybe next time knock before
00:46:08entering a room
00:46:09where do you even find these guys
00:46:11also I thought he was gay
00:46:14what
00:46:16yeah so did I
00:46:19what's the
00:46:26don't even
00:46:30Andrea Offerman
00:46:33what the hell do you think you're doing
00:46:35meddling with one of my clients
00:46:37don't you owe me
00:46:40you eavesdropped
00:46:41on sensitive information
00:46:43and then tried to help one of my
00:46:45clients come out
00:46:46Mr. Anderson
00:46:48that is bullshit
00:46:50you should not have listened
00:46:52and you sure as hell shouldn't have approached him about it
00:46:55do you understand
00:46:56how unprofessional this makes me listen
00:46:58I'm sorry
00:46:59you bet your ass you're sorry
00:47:01well it's not like nobody knows
00:47:02everyone guessed it
00:47:03yeah I mean
00:47:05you're on your own kiddo
00:47:07damn straight she is
00:47:09his wife and family don't know
00:47:13but
00:47:13you thought every teacher was gay
00:47:16so that's no surprise
00:47:18mom I almost lost him as a client
00:47:21and he is in a very vulnerable position right now
00:47:24mom I'm sorry
00:47:25you're fired
00:47:26is what you are
00:47:27fine
00:47:28it is really time
00:47:29that you learn
00:47:30that your choices
00:47:31have consequences
00:47:32drop out of college
00:47:34and expect the world
00:47:35is going to take care of you
00:47:37well you have to take care of yourself
00:47:38from now on young lady
00:47:40I want to charge you rent
00:47:4250
00:47:43no
00:47:44a hundred dollars a week
00:47:46rent
00:47:47are you kidding
00:47:47no
00:47:48do every Friday
00:47:49starting this Friday
00:47:51no more supporting this lark
00:47:57behind the house
00:47:58I left my body
00:48:00and I left my soul
00:48:03down in Nevada
00:48:04and I was there
00:48:05to last me
00:48:08but I won't
00:48:09leave my heart
00:48:13with any hand
00:48:14that asks for more
00:48:26what's wrong
00:48:28oh
00:48:29nothing
00:48:31you know what you're gonna say
00:48:32you're gonna say I was too hard on Andy
00:48:35but she's got to learn
00:48:36that her actions have consequences
00:48:38that's not what I was gonna say
00:48:41I mean
00:48:43I do think that though
00:48:45then what is it
00:48:50sometimes you are
00:48:51so focused on people being stable
00:48:54that you don't see them for who they are
00:48:58people
00:48:59Andy
00:49:01me
00:49:03I want you to see me
00:49:05I do see you
00:49:08that's not what I mean
00:49:10what do you mean then
00:49:13you need to articulate
00:49:14your feelings dear
00:49:16you
00:49:16you met me at my prime
00:49:18I was an acclaimed playwright
00:49:21and
00:49:22I know you think
00:49:23I'm not living up to that
00:49:24I just know
00:49:26what you're
00:49:26what you're both
00:49:27capable of
00:49:29are you
00:49:30are you ever gonna see me
00:49:33not who you think
00:49:34I could be
00:49:35just
00:49:36me as I am
00:49:38and
00:49:39think that that's enough
00:49:43Karen
00:49:46I don't know
00:49:49I don't know
00:49:52I don't know
00:50:15you look a little nervous kiddo
00:50:17nah
00:50:19yeah I guess I am
00:50:20I haven't seen you like this in a while
00:50:22a long while
00:50:25do you think this is a good idea
00:50:27like look what happened with mom
00:50:29it's the arts
00:50:30everyone knows everyone's business
00:50:35um okay is there anything
00:50:37I need to know before going in
00:50:38heck yeah
00:50:39but I'm not gonna tell you that
00:50:42the crew will take care of you
00:50:43you gotta stand on your own
00:50:45two feet in this business lady
00:50:48come on
00:50:54oh hey team
00:50:55hey man
00:50:56this must be Andy
00:50:57I sure as heck am Liam
00:50:59a pleasure I'm sure
00:51:00oh charmed
00:51:02so what can I do
00:51:03where do you need me
00:51:04oh enthusiastic
00:51:05I like that
00:51:05uh well
00:51:08we're gonna start with this
00:51:09supposed to be a boat
00:51:11oh
00:51:11god damn minimalist
00:51:13obscure directors
00:51:15making my life hard all the time
00:51:18so I don't know
00:51:19I mean uh
00:51:20Dean wants this to be a boat
00:51:21so right now
00:51:22it's you know
00:51:23looking more like a bunch of rags
00:51:24hanging out in space
00:51:25it really does
00:51:26yeah right
00:51:28so I don't really know
00:51:29what to do with it
00:51:29we could uh
00:51:30we could some like
00:51:31old iron fittings
00:51:32a couple ropes
00:51:34yeah
00:51:34not many
00:51:35um
00:51:36oh uh
00:51:36what are those
00:51:37those wooden handle things
00:51:38that attach ropes
00:51:39on big ships
00:51:40yeah
00:51:40yeah
00:51:41I was thinking
00:51:41the same thing
00:51:42it's like you read my mind
00:51:43yeah
00:51:44would you like to start
00:51:45with a shopping trip
00:51:45yeah
00:51:46some of these guys
00:51:47oh that'd be
00:51:48yeah that'd be perfect
00:51:49it's a start
00:51:51we could even like
00:51:53like I wasn't thinking
00:51:54of these ones
00:51:54but like something
00:51:55that looks more like this
00:51:56a little bit old school
00:51:57yeah
00:51:58yeah
00:51:58like whatever we get
00:52:00like if we bought it new
00:52:00could we make it like
00:52:01look older
00:52:02could we like rub it in dirt
00:52:03or something
00:52:03yeah
00:52:04I do that all the time
00:52:05okay
00:52:06yeah I was thinking
00:52:06uh maybe we bring this up
00:52:08a little bit
00:52:09so let's fill in the space
00:52:10a little more
00:52:10and we can uh
00:52:12run some of these rags up
00:52:13to make it look more
00:52:14like a sail
00:52:15yeah
00:52:16yeah
00:52:16you're already in my mind
00:52:17this might work
00:52:28hello
00:52:29Hello?
00:53:09Hey, dude. Good day. Hungry? Cool. We're downstairs if you want to join us.
00:53:21Is the meal eating?
00:53:23I don't think so. Is it a mood, I think?
00:53:26Stop talking about me!
00:53:31Yeah, who knows? I mean, maybe I won't get fired from this job after a week.
00:53:36Wow, that would be an accomplishment.
00:53:40Shut up.
00:53:42Um, what's up with you? You're like acting kind of weird.
00:53:51Oh, no.
00:53:56Okay.
00:53:58It's not personal at all.
00:54:00No, yeah, right, right.
00:54:03Like, I think one day we could for sure have a, I don't know, a thing.
00:54:10You do?
00:54:13Yeah. Don't you?
00:54:14Yeah, no, I mean, yeah. Yeah, totally.
00:54:17I just...
00:54:18Fuck, I'm in this, like, weird, like, transitional period and...
00:54:21Oh, yeah. I know. It's okay. I get it, Andy.
00:54:25Okay.
00:54:29You're the best.
00:54:33But if we did have sex, you'd probably be singing a different tune right now.
00:54:36That's all I'm saying.
00:54:37Would I?
00:54:38Uh-huh. I mean, they don't call me the love machine for nothing.
00:54:40No, that's, yeah, you're right. They do call you that.
00:54:42Yeah, they do. So.
00:54:49Yeah, well, I know. I got laid a lot in high school.
00:54:52That's my cat!
00:54:54What?
00:54:55I'm sorry, but...
00:54:57I'm almost positive, but that's my cat.
00:55:00Alexander.
00:55:02Alexander Hamilton?
00:55:04No.
00:55:05Nope.
00:55:06Not Alexander. Actually, it's Karen.
00:55:08Or the cat.
00:55:09Uh, nuh-uh.
00:55:11He's my wallpaper.
00:55:15Okay, that's...
00:55:16No, that's...
00:55:16He looks kind of similar.
00:55:19I...
00:55:19See it. Do you see it?
00:55:20I don't really see it.
00:55:21Yeah, there you are.
00:55:22Mommy's here.
00:55:24Mommy's here.
00:55:25Yeah.
00:55:26There you are.
00:55:55Oh!
00:55:56There he is! My Alexander.
00:56:00From last.
00:56:01Hi.
00:56:02There you go, yeah.
00:56:03Oh, go inside.
00:56:05Thank you so much.
00:56:07Of course.
00:56:08I, uh, brought some of her...
00:56:09Sorry, his, um, food for you, so...
00:56:12That's so nice of you.
00:56:13Yeah, I, um...
00:56:13I noticed she wasn't really a big fan of the kibble I was buying,
00:56:16so I started her on raw food about a month ago.
00:56:18Oh.
00:56:18Oh, it looks like your captor's a fancy lady.
00:56:21Oh!
00:56:22Were you eating fancy lady food?
00:56:25Oh!
00:56:26We're really more of a kibble household.
00:56:28Of course.
00:56:30Well, we should get going.
00:56:31Oh!
00:56:31Don't let the pants out!
00:56:33Oh, God!
00:56:51Oh!
00:56:53Thanks.
00:56:55I still hate your guts.
00:56:57Hmm.
00:56:58Obviously.
00:56:59Dad's heartbroken.
00:57:00I might use this opportunity to move into the number one spot.
00:57:04I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
00:57:06But...
00:57:07I'm sorry about Karen.
00:57:10Thanks, you.
00:57:16Mwah!
00:57:17Mwah!
00:57:20Mwah!
00:57:37look ma...
00:57:39if William Golding wanted us to read into his writing,
00:57:42looking for other meaning, then...
00:57:44he would've just written it.
00:57:46I mean,
00:57:47he's a writer.
00:57:48Mwah!
00:57:49Mwah!
00:57:50Mwah!
00:57:52Pointless if you ask me.
00:57:53Anyway, an island of children sounds terrible.
00:57:57Most of the kids I know are dicks.
00:58:00Neil, please do not talk like that at the table.
00:58:03Well, I guess that explains the plethora of friends that are calling on you.
00:58:11Do you guys hear that?
00:58:13Yeah, what is that?
00:58:17Phil Collins?
00:58:18Or Peter Gabriel?
00:58:21Neither.
00:58:24I don't know who that is.
00:58:32Make my heart beat your eyes
00:58:34Really fast
00:58:36Your eyes
00:58:38Really want this moment to last
00:58:40I know that didn't end with your eyes
00:58:43But I have your cat
00:58:44Your eyes
00:58:45Come get your cat from me
00:58:47Jesus!
00:58:48I stole Karen
00:58:50What the
00:58:52Shit
00:58:55I am divorced from this family
00:58:57Karen, where did you find her?
00:58:59I stole them back
00:59:00Him?
00:59:01Oh, yeah, dad
00:59:02Karen's a him
00:59:03I don't do this
00:59:05So good to have you back
00:59:06Hans, why?
00:59:08How?
00:59:09She had like six cats
00:59:10And she almost lost one while we were there
00:59:12So I figured
00:59:14Screw it
00:59:14He'll probably have a better life here
00:59:16You're amazing
00:59:19Hans, what was that you were singing?
00:59:21It's the song from Say Anything
00:59:22I thought it'd be romantic
00:59:24It's not
00:59:26Not the song though
00:59:27That was romantic
00:59:28Is it not?
00:59:30No, dear
00:59:31That's not a real song
00:59:33Close though
00:59:35I thought Andy told you she wasn't interested, Neil
00:59:38She's not Neil
00:59:38Hey, let's go inside, okay?
00:59:41But like
00:59:42She's right
00:59:44Come here for a beer, Hans
00:59:46Yes, please do
00:59:53Hans
00:59:54I know, I know
00:59:55I just
00:59:56I thought it was worth a shot, you know?
00:59:59It was a good shot
01:00:00Who knows?
01:00:01It might work yet
01:00:03No, I'm sorry
01:00:04I just
01:00:05I was trying to be nice
01:00:06No, you're fine
01:00:08You wanna come in for a beer?
01:00:11Come on, you're the
01:00:11You're the hero of the day
01:00:12Even fucking Dean thinks so
01:00:16I mean, if you're gonna twist my arm about it, then fine
01:00:20You're really bad at singing
01:00:22I know
01:00:23Is that a gay thing?
01:00:25Oh
01:00:37You're right
01:00:38He is the bomb
01:00:39Yeah
01:00:41He's really, like, helpful
01:00:43Like, he isn't trying to be that lame, get me a lefty hammer or shit
01:00:48He's been with me for a long time
01:00:50Ever since the big play
01:00:56So, how'd you write your play?
01:00:59And I don't want your, your playbill answer
01:01:10It's nice to think about it
01:01:11Like
01:01:14Properly again
01:01:15I mean
01:01:16It's always there, but
01:01:18I'll go back into it really
01:01:20If
01:01:20That makes sense
01:01:33I guess
01:01:34Well, here goes
01:01:37Hemingway once said
01:01:39All you have to do is write one true sentence
01:01:43Just write the truest sentence that you know
01:01:45So pretentious
01:01:46You asked
01:01:47Carry on
01:01:50So I did
01:01:52Took me about two months to write that one sentence
01:01:56Your mom and I were broke as fuck
01:01:59But
01:01:59She was great about it
01:02:01Always
01:02:04But I finally got it down
01:02:06I'll never forget that moment
01:02:07I was sitting at our little kitchenette counter
01:02:09Drinking cold, shitty coffee
01:02:13I got it down
01:02:15And I couldn't find a single fault in it
01:02:19And from there it just, well
01:02:23It's hard to describe because it
01:02:26It takes life
01:02:27You know, it doesn't just roll
01:02:29It garners life
01:02:33That's it really
01:02:34It was one
01:02:35Deeply true sentence
01:02:37That garnered life
01:02:41Wow
01:02:42That's really cool, Dad
01:02:45Thanks
01:02:47Oh, good
01:02:49But
01:02:52But
01:02:55Have you ever tried just
01:02:56What?
01:02:59I don't know, writing a story?
01:03:00I guess I should give it a shot
01:03:03Well
01:03:03Yeah, maybe then it wouldn't be
01:03:0416 years since your last original play
01:03:08Use another beer
01:03:10Okay, okay
01:03:11Me too
01:03:31Why do you ask?
01:03:33Fancy giving it a stab?
01:03:34Mmm
01:03:36Nope
01:03:38I think you'd be good though
01:03:39Well
01:03:41Maybe
01:03:42But I am
01:03:44Rapidly learning that
01:03:45Potential is only the start of the story
01:03:48Preach
01:03:51You should though
01:03:54What?
01:03:56Write again
01:03:57I do write
01:03:58I mean, really write
01:04:03I'm gonna take my beer and Karen for a walk
01:04:08Karen
01:04:09Karen
01:04:09Mom
01:04:10The cat
01:04:12Sorry
01:04:13It's okay, Mom
01:04:18I'm not getting any taller
01:04:20I'm not getting any taller
01:04:21So I better settle into these shoes
01:04:25I have no idea what I'm doing
01:04:28I just hope I find something to amuse me soon
01:04:34And I'm not too sad
01:04:37And I'm not too sad
01:04:38I just don't know what to do
01:04:47If I die before I'm famous
01:04:53I just
01:04:54What's the point of anything
01:05:00I'm too sentimental to get
01:05:09And I think I can have it up before Christmas
01:05:14That's so great, Dean. I'm so proud of you
01:05:18Thank you
01:05:20I knew you had another one in you
01:05:25What?
01:05:26Another play
01:05:29Oh
01:05:31So you think this is all because of you?
01:05:34No, I think it's all because of you
01:05:37I just helped push you along
01:05:40No
01:05:41Okay
01:05:45Okay
01:05:45Look, I just happened to be struck by inspiration
01:05:49And it just so happened to be at the same time that your disapproving hovering was at an all-time
01:05:54high
01:05:54I do not hover
01:05:56Okay
01:06:01Dean, stop acting like a child
01:06:03I'm not
01:06:04I'm just saying I don't want you to take credit for my inspiration
01:06:08Nobody is taking any credit
01:06:12Okay
01:06:14Okay
01:06:15Okay
01:06:20Okay
01:06:21Thank you
01:06:40Mr. Daniels comes here tonight
01:06:42I'm going to save his place from here
01:06:44And he can be the rose between two thorns
01:06:46He can be the rose between two thorns
01:06:48Sit beside me
01:06:49I'm telling you, he can have a twofer
01:06:50Not twofer
01:06:51He can have a twofer
01:06:52Do you even know what that means?
01:06:54I do
01:06:54Okay, thanks for coming
01:07:00Thanks
01:07:02Oh, you guys
01:07:05Hi
01:07:06Hi
01:07:09We're working the door, eh?
01:07:11Yeah, yeah, that and everything else
01:07:12I'm a really good daughter
01:07:15Yeah, how are you feeling?
01:07:16Good, yeah, I'm excited
01:07:18I think they're going to kill it
01:07:19You want to hang out after the show?
01:07:21Well, I'm actually going to get a drink with the crew
01:07:23But you guys are welcome to come
01:07:24Yeah, sounds good
01:07:25Yeah
01:07:26Yeah
01:07:26Get in there
01:07:27It's going to really fill up
01:07:28Okay
01:07:29Do you want to?
01:07:30Yes, okay
01:07:39Hey, thanks so much for coming
01:07:50Hey, thanks so much for coming
01:07:54I'm going to be here
01:07:56I'm going to show you
01:07:57I give you promises and keep going
01:08:01Why is it so hard?
01:08:07I guess that's the way it's going to be
01:08:12Nervous?
01:08:13Very
01:08:14You shouldn't be
01:08:16I was and I shouldn't be doing this
01:08:21You know, this is about you
01:08:24Yeah
01:08:25I know Dad
01:08:27It's super obvious
01:08:28Oh, right
01:08:29Like, I even thought that was like an unspoken thing
01:08:32Cool, cool, cool
01:08:33Like, you could have fucking cast me, but whatever
01:08:36We both know you would have been terrible
01:08:41I know this last year hasn't been easy for you
01:08:43Dad
01:08:43But
01:08:45I'm proud of you
01:08:47You're putting the work in
01:08:48The work?
01:08:50You're figuring your shit out
01:08:54Just
01:08:54You don't have to finish figuring it out now
01:08:59Thanks, Dad
01:09:01Anyway
01:09:01I'm nervous as hell
01:09:03You gotta go smoke a joint
01:09:05Don't tell your mother
01:09:06You think I am, Neil?
01:09:38Hey, what's up?
01:09:38Hey
01:09:40Thanks for coming
01:09:41Everyone's in there, go
01:09:42Okay
01:09:43Okay
01:10:07Built my home on hollow ground
01:10:12Too proud to grow from my roots
01:10:17I got a few friends and I wish they were mine
01:10:23Can't get close till I buy my time
01:10:29There's a closet for the pretty ones
01:10:34They have no eyes
01:10:36They have no eyes but they're a hell of a sight
01:10:39Get too close and you'll find the bridge between you
01:10:44Cross it to find your synthetic light
01:10:49Built my home on hollow ground
01:10:54Too proud to grow from my roots
01:10:59I got a few friends and I wish they were mine
01:11:05Can't get close till I buy my time
01:11:11There's a man who lives in your favorite watch
01:11:16He rides the second hand until he slips
01:11:20He holds on tight
01:11:24He holds on tight
01:11:24But no fairly falls
01:11:27He's broke and lands on six
01:11:31Built my home on hollow ground
01:11:36Too proud to grow from my roots
01:11:40I got a few friends and I wish they were mine
01:11:46Can't get close till I buy my time
01:11:52There's a school for shows
01:11:57That teaches them how to make a human cry
01:12:02Tell them that they're alive
01:12:07You're a laden save
01:12:10You always had
01:12:15Build my home on hollow ground
01:12:20Too proud to grow from my roots
01:12:24I got a few friends and I wish they were mine
01:12:30Can't get close till I buy my time
01:12:35Now I can't get close
01:12:39Till I buy my time
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