- 8 giờ trước
A millennial couple in a long-term relationship break up amid a nuclear missile crisis in LA ( HD )
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00:03:01I felt like I made it.
00:03:03Then Mandy's career took off.
00:03:05She got promoted and she never looked back.
00:03:08But I did help pick out the pantsuits.
00:03:10After five years, there's nobody else I'd rather be on this crazy road called life with.
00:03:15And that's kind of what makes this piece so personal.
00:03:18It's the story of the first time we met.
00:03:20I'm living in New York at the time.
00:03:22I'm working on some stuff in the park.
00:03:24Out of nowhere, this rainstorm...
00:03:29So I'm scrambling to find shelter.
00:03:35And I end up under this cherry blossom tree.
00:03:39And I look over and she's there too.
00:03:42And I mean, our eyes just fill with hearts.
00:03:46And the rest is history.
00:03:49Alright, I gotta go guys.
00:03:51Thank you so much for watching.
00:03:53I swear I will keep you guys updated on everything.
00:03:55Um, I gotta go.
00:03:57Shep out.
00:03:58Bye guys.
00:04:04OMG, you are so good.
00:04:09You're so sweet.
00:04:11Thanks for following.
00:04:13She's a lucky girl.
00:04:19She's the best.
00:04:22Kiss emoji.
00:04:34Oh, fancy coffee.
00:04:37Sounds like an interesting version of events.
00:04:40Oh, that's our story.
00:04:42I mean, it's one we made up for my family for Thanksgiving, but that's been the story.
00:04:46Oh, I thought we decided on the one where we met at my work Christmas party and we were
00:04:51both shit-faced on nods.
00:04:52That was a variation.
00:04:53We only did that one time.
00:04:54Cousin's wedding.
00:04:55Racist grandma was there.
00:04:56She hears cherry blossoms.
00:04:57Triggers Asians in her head and then it's a horrible series of...
00:05:00Right, right, right.
00:05:01Hard to keep track.
00:05:02I just mean...
00:05:05It just sounds super romantic.
00:05:07Yeah.
00:05:08I hope so.
00:05:09Because if I don't lose some materials soon, I am officially in a dry spell.
00:05:15Shep, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.
00:05:19I think we have to come to terms with where this is heading.
00:05:22I mean, neither of us are happy with this situation, right?
00:05:26We both need to figure out what's best for the team.
00:05:30You sound like one of those HPV testing commercials.
00:05:33I'm just trying to let him down easy.
00:05:35I can't help if my advertising voice kicks in.
00:05:38Yeah, but if you sugarcoat everything, he'll think you're not serious.
00:05:41You have to break him.
00:05:42Well, what do you want me to say?
00:05:45Say the magic is gone.
00:05:47Say you need to feel again.
00:05:49Say things haven't been the same since he got you pregnant in college
00:05:52and forced you to give up your dreams to live in Burbank.
00:05:54Fuck you, Alan!
00:05:55I feel like you're bringing some personal baggage into this.
00:05:59What, every couple of months you get all wound up like you're going to end things
00:06:02and then you always bitch out?
00:06:04Well, it's not like I don't love him.
00:06:06It just seems like we're going through the motions.
00:06:09Something's missing.
00:06:11We don't have any of the little batteries, that's the problem.
00:06:13Guys, just get Netflix.
00:06:16I promise you, all the shows are there.
00:06:19Just open the app, you'll be so happy.
00:06:22How's the drawing going?
00:06:25Well, it's really good actually.
00:06:27I got some new followers and some commissions actually came in finally.
00:06:31Actually, there's something I kind of wanted to tell you guys.
00:06:34Oh boy.
00:06:35I got the artist residency in Oregon.
00:06:40Had you told us about that before? That sounds fantastic though.
00:06:44Does it pay? Like a job?
00:06:46So it's a state-run grant.
00:06:47And so basically I get to, you know, make art for a year and they'll just pay all my living
00:06:51expenses,
00:06:52which is really dope.
00:06:54Oh, I see.
00:06:55So what happens to our tenants?
00:06:57What happens to your tenants?
00:06:58They'll be in Oregon, just rent out the place for a year.
00:07:00We'll be back in a year.
00:07:01Won't be a big deal.
00:07:02And Mandy's okay pulling up stakes just like that?
00:07:06Yeah.
00:07:06Mandy and I are doing great.
00:07:08And I've been sort of seeing this other guy.
00:07:12Really?
00:07:13Another guy already?
00:07:14What's that supposed to mean?
00:07:16What's his name?
00:07:17I'm just talking.
00:07:18I don't want to get into it.
00:07:20Mandy, I am married and at home with two horrendous children.
00:07:24Give me this.
00:07:26Please.
00:07:27Fine.
00:07:29His name is Nick.
00:07:30I met him through work.
00:07:32He's an athlete.
00:07:34Wow.
00:07:35I get it.
00:07:36How long have you been hitting that?
00:07:38I haven't hit anything.
00:07:39We just talk a lot.
00:07:41Ugh.
00:07:41I don't know what to do or how to tell Shep.
00:07:44Look at his fucking triceps.
00:07:46Alright.
00:07:47Great talk, Beth.
00:07:48If you feel this strongly about it, Shep's probably thinking the same thing.
00:07:52Stripped the bandaid off.
00:07:54Yeah.
00:07:55You're right.
00:07:56Good luck.
00:07:58Tell Shep I said hi and bye!
00:08:04Hey girl.
00:08:05Just woke up thinking about you.
00:08:07Wink face.
00:08:22Deliverables and Stacey by Friday.
00:08:24But I'm not sure if we're going to have time for the team meeting before then.
00:08:28Which is what I'm actually really concerned about.
00:08:30So that...
00:08:32Whoa.
00:08:33I know.
00:08:34Bye.
00:08:36Hi.
00:08:37Hey.
00:08:38Hey Derek.
00:08:38Good morning.
00:08:39How's it going?
00:08:40Great.
00:08:41Great.
00:08:41Um, we will have our regular order of two ethical omelets with side of greens instead of hash browns this
00:08:48time.
00:08:48The greens just came in.
00:08:49They are super fresh.
00:08:51And no phone zone!
00:08:56Really fresh.
00:08:58For sure you really take that no phone zone thing seriously, don't you?
00:09:01Oh yeah.
00:09:01It's all about atmosphere here.
00:09:03I guess so.
00:09:04Okay.
00:09:05Okay.
00:09:06Um, is there any way I can just throw in the side of the biscuit?
00:09:10Alright.
00:09:11Add one biscuit.
00:09:1228-42.
00:09:14Shep, I thought we had an agreement?
00:09:16Solidarity diet.
00:09:17You know I am slightly allergic to gluten.
00:09:20I know.
00:09:20I promise I'm gonna eat it real fast and you're not gonna feel a thing.
00:09:23Food will be right out.
00:09:24You guys have a self-caring day.
00:09:25Thank you.
00:09:26Thank you.
00:09:27You know what it is?
00:09:28It's like, I get that these players want to be cool and hippy, but like at a certain point...
00:09:32Oh, hey!
00:09:33It's the online marketing team.
00:09:34Oh, do you want to go talk to us?
00:09:35We want to talk to them.
00:09:36Hey guys!
00:09:36How's it going?
00:09:37What's up?
00:09:37I didn't know you liked this place.
00:09:40Oh, I love this spot.
00:09:41Bottomless mimosas.
00:09:42Every Saturday.
00:09:43Can't go wrong.
00:09:44Yep.
00:09:45Yeah.
00:09:45Oh, um, this is my boyfriend.
00:09:50Right.
00:09:50Shep, you guys are still together.
00:09:54Yep.
00:09:54Yeah, we're still together.
00:09:56Mandy says you work from home.
00:09:58That is so fun.
00:10:00Very fun.
00:10:01But actually I just got this artist residency in Oregon, so...
00:10:05You did?
00:10:05Yeah, it's only for a year, but it's going to be really fun.
00:10:08It's really prestigious.
00:10:10Oh.
00:10:11Congrats.
00:10:12It's nice, because I just don't think we're corporate people, you know?
00:10:15So soul-sucking and sad and...
00:10:17Do you want to go get us a table?
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:20Great talking to you, buddy.
00:10:22Seems like a nice guy.
00:10:23He's really sweet.
00:10:25I mean, what a dick.
00:10:27You're the one who's being a dick.
00:10:29Are he still your boyfriend?
00:10:31Well...
00:10:31That's real nice.
00:10:32I think the hot take from that conversation was you getting up.
00:10:36Artist residency, yeah?
00:10:37Yeah, and not telling me about it.
00:10:38Well, I was gonna tell you about it.
00:10:41When?
00:10:41The day you packed your bags?
00:10:43No.
00:10:43I just figured we'd go.
00:10:45You know, my parents will rent out the place and we'll start fresh.
00:10:49Shep, I have a life here.
00:10:52Yeah, I know, but it's only for a year.
00:10:54And by the way, the Pacific Northwest is beautiful.
00:10:59I can't just quit my job.
00:11:01Why not?
00:11:03I mean, honestly, why not?
00:11:04What an adventure, you know?
00:11:06We live in a car.
00:11:08Wanderlust.
00:11:08Hashtag van life.
00:11:10Maybe we're not those people anymore.
00:11:12We grew up.
00:11:14Yeah.
00:11:15No, you're right.
00:11:15We grew up.
00:11:16And you know what?
00:11:17We'll do long distance and I'm gonna make it work.
00:11:20You're gonna love it.
00:11:21For a year?
00:11:22Yes, for a year.
00:11:23We'll make it work for a year.
00:11:24What do you want to do?
00:11:25Break up?
00:11:25I mean, come on.
00:11:28I'm so relieved you brought this up.
00:11:31What did I bring up?
00:11:32The residency?
00:11:35Shep, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.
00:11:42Go to Oregon?
00:11:43Yeah, I know that's kind of what we're talking about.
00:11:44I think we have to come to terms with where this is heading.
00:11:48I mean, neither of us are happy in this situation, right?
00:11:51We both need to figure out what's best for the team.
00:11:54Team?
00:11:55What team?
00:11:57We've had some great moments.
00:11:59But change can be a good thing for both parties.
00:12:05Rehearsed.
00:12:06You rehearsed this.
00:12:07You rehearsed your breakups.
00:12:08No.
00:12:09Yeah.
00:12:12This is really hard for me.
00:12:15You just brought it up so casually.
00:12:17I was kidding.
00:12:18Oh.
00:12:19I was so clearly kidding.
00:12:22So that's it.
00:12:23So you just want to end this relationship right now.
00:12:26I...
00:12:26I don't know.
00:12:28Did I change?
00:12:29Did I lose the spark?
00:12:30It's not you, it's me.
00:12:31Other, you know, euphemisms?
00:12:33Shep.
00:12:34I have to tell you...
00:12:37Is that mine?
00:12:38I don't know.
00:12:39What if we do couples therapy?
00:12:40Or we can get a dog.
00:12:42Or we can, you know, maybe...
00:12:43Shep.
00:12:44You need to see this.
00:12:48Ballistic missile inbound.
00:12:50Gotta be a fake, right?
00:12:52I'll verify.
00:12:56It's on my phone too.
00:12:57It's on all my news alerts.
00:12:59Hashtag PrayForLA is already trending.
00:13:06Holy shit.
00:13:08People are freaking out.
00:13:10We wouldn't be able to see anything yet, right? Would we?
00:13:14No, we wouldn't.
00:13:1545 minutes to an hour for a missile to make from Southeast Asia to here.
00:13:18Unless, of course, it's intercepted by a defense missile.
00:13:21Oh my God. This is fucking crazy.
00:13:22They're attacking their dog.
00:13:23Are we still breaking up?
00:13:25All personnel take shelter immediately.
00:13:28Los Angeles has the worst gridlock.
00:13:30Desperate parents put their children into shipping defense.
00:13:33The terrifying message screened across cell phones throughout the city.
00:13:37The exact payload of these alleged missiles is anyone's guess.
00:13:41They do know that it is headed straight to Los Angeles.
00:13:44Next up, we'll have tips and tricks on how to avoid the blast and best stay alive during these dark
00:13:49moments.
00:13:50Oh my God.
00:13:51Get under your desk, kids. Nuclear holocaust is coming.
00:13:55Oh my God.
00:13:57Stop.
00:13:58We're gonna die. We're gonna die.
00:14:00And then what's Harry Potter land?
00:14:01What land?
00:14:02Harry Potter land? It's an amusement park and you get to drink butterbeer and you get to sort it.
00:14:06And then when we ever get to sort it again.
00:14:07You're freaking out.
00:14:09Just breathe.
00:14:09Okay, yeah. I actually feel a lot better than that.
00:14:12Shut the fuck up, jump. We're not gonna die.
00:14:14Sorry. Sorry. Firefly response.
00:14:17It's okay. It's okay. Let's just, let's, let's take a deep breath.
00:14:25Okay. Now, let's not do anything rash. We can end a relationship.
00:14:30Not really the time.
00:14:31Well, was there never a time?
00:14:37People are getting out of town.
00:14:39Fight!
00:14:41Stop!
00:14:42Stop!
00:14:42Meet at the car in five minutes!
00:14:46You've changed. We're on a timeline.
00:14:48I got sweat.
00:14:49You're bringing the mixer?
00:14:50My favorite appliance. Plus, you're bringing all those Nintendos.
00:14:53Yeah, because they increase in value both financially and sentimentally.
00:14:56We're not bringing your hard drives.
00:14:58This is my life's work.
00:15:00You can always draw more pictures.
00:15:01Wow. You're a monster.
00:15:03Fine. Then we're making space for my scrapbooks.
00:15:06Okay, yes, but...
00:15:07But what? Your sentimental shit is more important than mine?
00:15:10Okay, okay, okay. We just need to go. We need to go. Please.
00:15:12I'm gonna take my guitar.
00:15:13You've never played it!
00:15:15I might! I might.
00:15:16Okay, how is this going in? Have you ever played Tetris?
00:15:19101 is backed up.
00:15:20Thanks for the update.
00:15:21Well, the four or five might be worse, so I don't know.
00:15:22Are you using Waze?
00:15:23Yeah, of course I'm using Waze.
00:15:24101, take it. We're good.
00:15:26Better be right.
00:15:26I will be. Keep an eye out on the road.
00:15:28I am. I am.
00:15:29There are people on the road.
00:15:30I get it.
00:15:33Why did we listen to Waze? Why did we ever listen to Waze?
00:15:37Yeah, I'm not doing this. Okay?
00:15:40I don't want to be stuck in traffic if we're gonna get blown up.
00:15:43Alright, let's go back.
00:15:44Okay, let's go. Let's go.
00:15:45We're coming back. Heads up.
00:15:47We're coming back.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:55Alright.
00:15:56Alright, what we gotta do?
00:15:57We gotta find some place we can get to on foot.
00:15:59You okay?
00:16:00Let me know if we need a place today.
00:16:01Underground layer. Place we can find.
00:16:04Ten fucking minutes.
00:16:07What?
00:16:09We spent ten whole minutes sitting in traffic,
00:16:11and I don't know how much time we have left
00:16:14because every single news organization,
00:16:16they're all saying something different,
00:16:18and that's ten whole minutes that I could have spent on...
00:16:21On what? On yelling at me?
00:16:24Yeah!
00:16:29I don't know.
00:16:36Look, I'm scared too.
00:16:40If you want me to go, or if you want to go, whatever,
00:16:42whatever makes you feel most comfortable,
00:16:44it is totally okay with me.
00:16:47This is as safe as anywhere.
00:16:50This is home.
00:16:59And so, but to be clear though,
00:17:00so we are still together.
00:17:02We can...
00:17:03We can break up after the world ends.
00:17:06Okay? What do we do now?
00:17:10I've got some ideas.
00:17:12I've got some ideas.
00:17:12Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:16Clocking when the moon strikes,
00:17:17I do what a boss likes.
00:17:19Slow posts, they look twice.
00:17:20Cold bitch on my Klondike.
00:17:22Fuck boys get curved tough when the girl gang gang grow up.
00:17:24Make a beeline for the green room,
00:17:26I get money to show up.
00:17:28I'm speaking at grad night,
00:17:29I'm living that rap life.
00:17:31I'm sleeping like a baby,
00:17:32I work hard and I act right.
00:17:33That chick smoke paper planes,
00:17:35pull bad boys on my lunch break.
00:17:43I've never done that before.
00:17:45I have no clue.
00:17:45Do we have any more nails or screws?
00:17:47Do you really think all this is necessary?
00:17:51Yeah, there's looters outside.
00:17:53These boarded up windows,
00:17:54it's like all we have.
00:17:55Good call.
00:17:57Are you ready for this?
00:17:59Ready for what?
00:17:59Three, two, one.
00:18:03Ta-da!
00:18:07Really?
00:18:08As far as coffins go,
00:18:09this one isn't that bad.
00:18:14Are you gonna come in?
00:18:16Okay, alright.
00:18:18What did you make?
00:18:19What did you do?
00:18:20Come on!
00:18:21Oh, look at this.
00:18:22As panic breaks out all across the city,
00:18:25Fred Missoula brings us breaking news
00:18:27from our L.A. streets.
00:18:29Sir!
00:18:30Sir!
00:18:31I can't.
00:18:32What is it that you're doing?
00:18:33It's bullshit.
00:18:34It's bullshit.
00:18:34The freeways are not designed
00:18:36to handle this kind of mass,
00:18:38this kind of mass panic.
00:18:39I gotta paddle out of here.
00:18:40You're gonna try to make a clear shot to safety
00:18:42on the L.A. River?
00:18:44I don't know if it's gonna work,
00:18:45but I gotta try.
00:18:47Godspeed to you!
00:18:51What is this?
00:18:52I can't do this.
00:18:53What is the news?
00:18:53Why do we watch this?
00:18:54I can't, Kim.
00:18:56It's my kid's birthday today.
00:18:58I missed the last seven.
00:18:59I'm...
00:18:59I'm done!
00:19:00People watch how the people panic,
00:19:02meanwhile spend no time
00:19:03with the ones they actually care about.
00:19:04Yeah.
00:19:05Totally.
00:19:06I'm gonna try and call Beth.
00:19:08Okay.
00:19:09It's...
00:19:10Sort of the opposite of what I was trying to...
00:19:12Well, this lady's crying super hard.
00:19:18Well...
00:19:18Mandy, we have been friends forever.
00:19:20You know how I feel about you.
00:19:22Come on!
00:19:22Just say it back!
00:19:24I don't need to say it back!
00:19:25You're crazy!
00:19:26Just say I love you!
00:19:27Don't be weird about it!
00:19:29You're the one who's being weird about it!
00:19:30You're gonna be fine!
00:19:31It's just a scare.
00:19:33That's all.
00:19:33What if it's not?
00:19:34What if...
00:19:35What if this is the last time we talk?
00:19:37Well, if you're worried about it,
00:19:38you can go out there and find yourself
00:19:40some group of bearded doomsday preppers.
00:19:42But they are going to expect things.
00:19:44You're such an asshole.
00:19:48You too.
00:19:51Call me later.
00:19:52Okay.
00:19:53I will.
00:19:54Bye!
00:19:54Bye!
00:20:00What do you mean there's nowhere to go?
00:20:01Did you try the airport?
00:20:03Yep.
00:20:03Yep.
00:20:04We tried the airport.
00:20:06It's just...
00:20:07Everybody's trying the airport, so that's...
00:20:09What are you talking about?
00:20:10Try Delta!
00:20:11Try Delta!
00:20:11Nobody flies Delta.
00:20:13Exactly!
00:20:14Delta!
00:20:15Guys, please, let's stay focused here.
00:20:17Uh...
00:20:18Oh, boy.
00:20:19Uh, you know...
00:20:19Hey, look, you're overreacting.
00:20:21This is one of those false flag operations,
00:20:23just like Korea.
00:20:24That's not what CNN is saying.
00:20:26Oh, don't get me started on them.
00:20:27That Anderson Cooper.
00:20:29Oh, I love you both so much.
00:20:30That Anderson.
00:20:30Who do you know that's named Anderson?
00:20:33I think I'm in serious trouble.
00:20:35And...
00:20:36I know I'm kind of a screw-up and a loser.
00:20:40And, um...
00:20:41You've basically had to support me my entire adult life.
00:20:44And I never say thank you.
00:20:47Because...
00:20:47I'm embarrassed about it.
00:20:50But...
00:20:52Thank you so much.
00:20:54You're just the best.
00:20:56I'm just so lucky that you're my parents.
00:21:00And I love you both.
00:21:02Mom?
00:21:04Dad?
00:21:04Mom?
00:21:05Dad?
00:21:06Yep.
00:21:09God!
00:21:11This sucks.
00:21:20How much it meant to me.
00:21:22How much it affected my life.
00:21:24And that I love each and every one of you so much.
00:21:29Oh, fuck off.
00:21:31Mandy?
00:21:31We could die at any moment and you're sobbing to your fans?
00:21:34We all grieve in our own ways.
00:21:35Okay, there's strangers that bought some of your sketches on the internet.
00:21:38These are not strangers.
00:21:38You should be thinking about me, chef.
00:21:40Not these assholes.
00:21:41What do you want me to think about?
00:21:41Okay, you know what?
00:21:43Mandy?
00:21:44Here we go.
00:21:46Fine.
00:21:48Here it is.
00:21:50You have my undivided attention.
00:21:52What's up?
00:21:55Is this near death thing making you super horny?
00:22:00That is not what I thought you were going to say.
00:22:04Yeah.
00:22:04Yeah, me too.
00:22:06Mm-hmm.
00:22:09We were doing this.
00:22:10It's been like two months.
00:22:11You've been keeping track?
00:22:12I have to keep track of me.
00:22:13Okay, well, since this is our last night, we should make a count.
00:22:15I'm a ninja warrior guy.
00:22:17That's impossible.
00:22:18I can't physically do that.
00:22:19And then you just spin my body underneath you?
00:22:22I think I spin.
00:22:24You spin!
00:22:26Did you finish?
00:22:28Yeah.
00:22:29That was great.
00:22:35Actually, I don't want to lie to you.
00:22:37I didn't and that wasn't great at all.
00:22:41Thank you for being honest.
00:22:45Yeah, it was terrible for me.
00:22:47I was scared.
00:22:48But you came.
00:22:50More than once.
00:22:51Yeah.
00:22:52I mean, that's not...
00:22:53You can't go off that.
00:22:54Guys, come.
00:22:55Easy.
00:22:56It's not tricky.
00:22:59Well, at least you had fun, you know?
00:23:01I just...
00:23:01It's my last day on Earth and I didn't even have an orgasm.
00:23:06Oh.
00:23:07That's so sad.
00:23:09I'm so sorry.
00:23:10Oh, no.
00:23:11It's not your fault.
00:23:12I'm sorry.
00:23:13It's not your fault.
00:23:14It's not your fault.
00:23:15I just wanted it to be special and just not another Tuesday night.
00:23:19You know?
00:23:21It got boring.
00:23:23A little bit.
00:23:24That's why you don't throw down with me anymore?
00:23:26No.
00:23:26We just got out of sync.
00:23:29That's why you got that new vibe breaker.
00:23:32How do you know about that?
00:23:34Literally, I go to the door and there's this package and it says vibes for her.
00:23:40And I was like, well, that's obvious.
00:23:43And then I just sat there with it.
00:23:44Sad.
00:23:45Oh.
00:23:48Well, I, you know, my last one wore out.
00:23:51You wore it out?
00:23:52Well, it broke.
00:23:53You broke it?
00:23:54And then it wore out.
00:23:54You broke and wore it out?
00:23:56What did you do to that poor thing?
00:23:58You know, sometimes it just happens.
00:23:59It's a normal thing.
00:24:01You rubbed it out so many times that the rubbing out device quit.
00:24:04It gave up on life.
00:24:05You're not funny.
00:24:06I'm kind of funny.
00:24:07No.
00:24:08Come on.
00:24:08What's there to be embarrassed about?
00:24:10You know, we've both been busy.
00:24:13We've both been really busy.
00:24:15When a couple's been together for four years, sometimes things just naturally slow down.
00:24:21Five years?
00:24:22Sure, sure.
00:24:23Whatever you want to call it.
00:24:24Five years?
00:24:25I would call it five years.
00:24:27It's five years.
00:24:27You just don't take it personally.
00:24:29You know?
00:24:30Plus, we've got all this added pressure of the end of the world right now.
00:24:34Yeah, there is a lot of pressure.
00:24:37I wish we just could do something to, like, relieve it all.
00:24:42I've got an idea.
00:24:45Oh, my God.
00:24:47I cannot believe we are genuinely talking about drinking the Kool-Aid.
00:24:52Swear?
00:24:55What am I swearing to?
00:24:57Once the time comes, we both take a huge swig of this, and we'll be together at the end.
00:25:06Okay.
00:25:11Sorry, I'm nervous.
00:25:12It's my first suicide pact.
00:25:13I don't know if it's a kill shot, but it'll at least numb any chance of feeling any pain.
00:25:19In theory.
00:25:20Well, we don't have a gun.
00:25:22Yeah, but we could asphyxiate each other.
00:25:24Oh, please.
00:25:25You don't have the balls to kill yourself.
00:25:26I absolutely do.
00:25:29Oh, don't worry.
00:25:31When you need me, I've got your back, buddy.
00:25:33Do not touch me after saying something like that.
00:25:36That's horrific.
00:25:37I meant it.
00:25:39I don't want to die yet.
00:25:41Do you want to have like a final meal or something?
00:25:44Yeah.
00:25:45Okay.
00:25:47Let's see.
00:25:50This popcorn's the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:25:53I have no clue what you just said, but I loved every man of it.
00:26:02Holy fuck, I miss gluten.
00:26:04If you don't like me, I don't understand why people shit on it so much.
00:26:07Some people have celiac disease, and it kind of makes you fat.
00:26:13Yeah, but you just don't eat it because it's fashionable.
00:26:16Shut up!
00:26:17You read it in a magazine and you did it.
00:26:19That's how you make life decisions.
00:26:20It's true.
00:26:21Don't hit me with bread.
00:26:22I'm saying it.
00:26:24That was funny.
00:26:25I'm just saying, I feel like we don't talk like this anymore.
00:26:29Stop hitting me.
00:26:29What do you mean?
00:26:30We don't talk.
00:26:31We never talk.
00:26:32Well, I think I talk to you all the time.
00:26:35No.
00:26:36Like, talk, talk, you know?
00:26:38Like, we talk.
00:26:39But like, we used to talk about nothing.
00:26:40You were like, nothing.
00:26:43I miss being excited to tell you all my stories and making you laugh.
00:26:51It's over me.
00:26:53Why don't we talk about it right now?
00:26:55Well, what do you got to say to me?
00:26:58It was an empty promise.
00:27:00I didn't have anything ready to go.
00:27:01What if we write it down?
00:27:04Like, make obituaries for each other?
00:27:07Yeah.
00:27:08Oh, that's so dark.
00:27:09I love it.
00:27:10Let's do it.
00:27:11It's happening.
00:27:12We're doing it!
00:27:13Let's do it!
00:27:14I used to be a lot cooler, I feel like.
00:27:16That's something I regret.
00:27:17Oh, you were never cool.
00:27:21Wait!
00:27:22That's what I like about you!
00:27:30That's the best thing I've ever written.
00:27:32I'm ready.
00:27:33Alright.
00:27:34Me too.
00:27:34One.
00:27:36Two.
00:27:37Three!
00:27:39Enjoy.
00:27:40Here we go.
00:27:44Shepard Elliot Geller liked to cook, take selfies, was great at drawing pictures.
00:27:48Those are true.
00:27:48Ooh!
00:27:49I like the way that sounded.
00:27:51Very good.
00:27:51This is a good obituary so far.
00:27:53Thank you.
00:27:53I'll never forget the day Shep and I first met when I was backpacking in Europe.
00:27:57There was no room on the train to Paris.
00:27:59He gave up his seat for me.
00:28:00I felt obliged to buy him dinner when we arrived.
00:28:03What?
00:28:04That's our meet-cute story.
00:28:06That's the story I thought we were on the same page about.
00:28:08Yeah!
00:28:09No, I mean, that's definitely a story we made up to tell your friends in college
00:28:13because you were too insecure to say how we actually met.
00:28:16Well, if anybody ever reads these, we want it to seem like we were in love.
00:28:21Weren't we?
00:28:23What?
00:28:24There's five minutes left on Earth.
00:28:26You can't be honest with me right now?
00:28:27Honest?
00:28:28Let's unpack some of the insightful stuff you've got here.
00:28:31I don't know why you're saying it that way.
00:28:32I feel very confident in it.
00:28:34After moving to the West Coast, Mandy worked hard at her career.
00:28:38She liked scrapbooking, walking dogs, and going to brunch.
00:28:43All true.
00:28:44I don't even like dogs.
00:28:47We had a dog.
00:28:48You liked that dog.
00:28:50Okay, liking your own dog versus liking other people's dogs is a totally different thing.
00:28:57How am I supposed to differentiate that in an obituary?
00:29:00What are you talking about?
00:29:01I'm in the ballpark.
00:29:03Okay, Shep.
00:29:04The thing is, like, why'd you have to Wikipedia me like that?
00:29:08You have a bunch of ordinary things about you that I think are really romantic.
00:29:11That's the whole point.
00:29:14Did we ever even know each other at all?
00:29:22Well, that's not good.
00:29:23Ugh.
00:29:25The wifi and reception are gone.
00:29:28Yeah, the power's out.
00:29:41Okay, okay.
00:29:42Oh, my God.
00:29:43Oh, my God.
00:29:43Oh, my God.
00:29:43Oh, my God.
00:29:43This is the juice.
00:29:45This is the juice.
00:29:46This is the juice.
00:29:46Just in case.
00:29:47With our suicide juice in temperature-controlled bottles?
00:29:49Yeah.
00:29:50That is the most Mandy thing you've ever done.
00:29:53Mm-hmm.
00:29:55Any last words?
00:29:59Yeah, I just, uh...
00:30:01I guess by this point I thought, I thought I'd be, I don't know, happier.
00:30:07You know?
00:30:08Like, like, I'd have the home I want.
00:30:11Or the job I want.
00:30:16The you I want.
00:30:17I'm not the me you want?
00:30:19Yeah, you know, things just, just don't go the way you hope they will sometimes.
00:30:26You know, no matter how hard you try.
00:30:28And, and you look around and you think things will get a little bit better.
00:30:34And then, and then they do.
00:30:37But, but it's the same.
00:30:40Because you're the same.
00:30:43Yeah.
00:30:45I never did anything with my life.
00:30:46Now it's over.
00:30:48You did something.
00:30:49No, I didn't.
00:30:50No, I didn't.
00:30:51I fucked around on the internet.
00:30:54The only good thing I am going into this life is you.
00:30:58And you're disappointed in me.
00:31:00And I see it.
00:31:01And it makes me sad.
00:31:03And I'm just, I'm just sorry.
00:31:07Shit.
00:31:11Oh my God, fucking shit.
00:31:13We should like pray or something.
00:31:15Why are we praying?
00:31:15I haven't been to synagogue in years.
00:31:17Okay.
00:31:17Well, I went to Catholic school for a couple of years.
00:31:20I'm a little more agnostic now, but it's, it's okay.
00:31:24Okay.
00:31:25All right.
00:31:25Here we go.
00:31:25Um, dear God, Jesus, Allah, Hinduism guy.
00:31:31Okay.
00:31:32Okay.
00:31:32Buddha.
00:31:32Buddha.
00:31:33Yes.
00:31:33Just in case, just in case.
00:31:36Forgive us for all the things we did do or, or didn't do.
00:31:42Amen.
00:31:42Amen.
00:31:43I'm in massive debt, by the way.
00:31:45What?
00:31:46Yeah.
00:31:46I'm so sorry.
00:31:47I have to get this off my chest.
00:31:48I, I, I've been borrowing from my parents for years.
00:31:51I do your taxes.
00:31:53I know everything.
00:31:54Even about that poorly timed Bitcoin investment?
00:31:56Oh, uh, I didn't know about that.
00:31:58Thank you so much for telling me.
00:32:00Oh my God.
00:32:01Oh my God.
00:32:01I cheated on you.
00:32:02What?
00:32:02I cheated on you.
00:32:03I'm really, really sorry.
00:32:05We were having problems.
00:32:06And it was, it was empty and meaningless and, and it's over now.
00:32:11Okay.
00:32:11I just, I just needed to get that off my chest.
00:32:15Okay.
00:32:17You know what?
00:32:18People sometimes make a mistake every now and again.
00:32:21And once in a while.
00:32:22It was more than once.
00:32:27I forgive you.
00:32:28Really?
00:32:29Yeah.
00:32:29Yeah, I too.
00:32:30I too.
00:32:31I love you.
00:32:32And I always will.
00:32:33Me too.
00:32:42Oh my God.
00:32:43What happened?
00:32:43I don't know.
00:32:44Where's my phone?
00:32:44I got your phone.
00:32:45Okay.
00:32:45Okay.
00:32:46Oh, I have your phone.
00:32:54False alarm.
00:32:55False fucking alarm.
00:32:56Oh my God.
00:32:57Whoever said we were going to die today.
00:32:58I hope he fucking burns in hell.
00:33:00Right?
00:33:00I thought we were dead.
00:33:01I thought, oh my.
00:33:04I was so scared.
00:33:06Me too.
00:33:08I think I shit myself.
00:33:10For real?
00:33:10That's so gross.
00:33:11But kind of me too.
00:33:14I am so, so, so happy.
00:33:19That we didn't die?
00:33:20I can think of a couple other reasons.
00:33:27It's going to sound weird, but it's like I'm almost glad all this happened because we got to spend this
00:33:32time together.
00:33:34Let's make the most of it.
00:33:38Whew.
00:33:39Wow.
00:33:40This place is a disaster.
00:33:42Well.
00:33:42We destroyed our house.
00:33:44We destroyed it and my parents are not going to be thrilled.
00:33:49Wow.
00:33:51People are really celebrating.
00:33:53Yeah.
00:33:54And looting actually.
00:33:55A lot of looting happened.
00:33:56It's a very diverse country we live in, you know?
00:33:59You know what?
00:34:01We should celebrate.
00:34:03I've still got some end of the world champagne.
00:34:05Oh, crack that open.
00:34:06I've completely lost my buzz at this point.
00:34:08Oh, I have your phone by the...
00:34:11Today was crazy.
00:34:12I want to let you know in case anything happens.
00:34:15I love you.
00:34:16Found it!
00:34:19So this guy you cheated on me with.
00:34:25Who was he?
00:34:26Does it matter?
00:34:28I mean, I'm curious.
00:34:31It was just some guy I met at work.
00:34:33Some guy?
00:34:35It was barely a thing.
00:34:37Yeah, I mean, a thing you had sex with.
00:34:39I did not have sex with him.
00:34:42Really?
00:34:44Sexting doesn't count.
00:34:45I knew it!
00:34:46Five minutes ago you forgave me.
00:34:48I lied.
00:34:50You lied to me right before we were about to be killed?
00:34:53Yeah!
00:34:54I was trying to be nice.
00:34:55Listen to me.
00:34:57I was in this weird, emotional place just looking for...
00:35:02You know, I don't even know what I was looking for, but...
00:35:04It's over now.
00:35:08You don't talk to him at all?
00:35:10Of course not.
00:35:11Not even via text message or something.
00:35:13Why would I text him?
00:35:15Okay.
00:35:18Can I see your phone?
00:35:20Your lack of trust is frankly disturbing.
00:35:23Unlock your phone.
00:35:24We'll confirm everything.
00:35:25I don't want to.
00:35:26Why not?
00:35:27I forgot my code.
00:35:29Five, five, five, five.
00:35:31I got it.
00:35:33It's low on battery.
00:35:35You gonna get that?
00:35:36Because it could be important.
00:35:38It can wait.
00:35:38Can we please knock off the...
00:35:40Well, that's normal.
00:35:42Why won't you just let this go?
00:35:43Because I just saw a text message from some guy named Nick saying he loved you.
00:35:47That's why.
00:35:48Okay, that's crazy.
00:35:50Why would Nick say something like that?
00:35:52Yeah, well he did.
00:35:56Okay, he spelled love, L-U-V, so...
00:36:00You have been distant for months.
00:36:02You'll only have sex with me when the world's about to end.
00:36:05And now this dude is sending you text messages saying he loved you.
00:36:08You were gonna move away to Oregon for a year and just hope our relationship sorts itself out.
00:36:13You've been distant.
00:36:14I was gonna go to Oregon because it was an exciting opportunity that you should have been happy about.
00:36:20I am not gonna be distant anymore.
00:36:23I wanna make this work.
00:36:25Give me an honest answer.
00:36:27What would have happened today if the world didn't almost end?
00:36:31What does it matter?
00:36:35I'm sorry.
00:36:43I'm sorry.
00:36:44Where are you going?
00:36:44Um, my parents' place maybe.
00:36:47Will you come back?
00:36:50I don't know.
00:37:03I think we should...
00:37:05Here, let me help you.
00:37:06Please don't, I don't need your help.
00:37:09Can you at least text me or something?
00:37:12I think we gotta talk about some stuff.
00:37:17There's nothing left to say, Mandy.
00:37:19I need time and I need space to figure this out.
00:37:24Goodbye, Mandy.
00:37:25Quick, get that in time.
00:37:27What?
00:37:28Hey!
00:37:29That's our stuff!
00:37:30Hey, there they are!
00:37:33She's just kidding.
00:37:34You guys are doing great.
00:37:35Carry on, please.
00:37:37Okay.
00:37:39Okay.
00:37:42Hey!
00:37:45Hey!
00:37:49Hey!
00:37:50Hey!
00:37:50Hey!
00:37:50It's not worth it.
00:37:51It's not worth it.
00:37:55Hurry up.
00:37:55Open up.
00:37:56Do you think we should call the police?
00:37:58I think a lot of people calling the police right now.
00:37:59Fuck of course.
00:37:59Okay, let's just board this thing up and hope they move on.
00:38:02Come on, hurry!
00:38:03Get out of the way!
00:38:17So I guess this means you're staying.
00:38:21Let's just take a break.
00:38:23Let's not talk anymore, okay?
00:38:25Thank you.
00:38:29It's crazy that in this day and age, something like this could happen.
00:38:33Whose fault is it?
00:38:34Is it in the government?
00:38:36Is it a cell phone company?
00:38:37It's whoever has their finger on that button.
00:38:39That's whose fault it is.
00:38:40Well, the city's lost its mind.
00:38:42The whole city is totally unprepared.
00:38:43People are hiding in dumpsters.
00:38:45There was looting.
00:38:46Well, some guy was trying to kayak through the ocean and died of dehydration.
00:38:50That's what I'm talking about.
00:38:51But keep in mind, lives were lost here because of the false alarm.
00:38:54There were accidents on the road.
00:38:55There were even suicides.
00:38:56It's all about accurate information.
00:38:59We gotta stop listening to amateur, unconfirmed sources, of course.
00:39:02Gotta get off Twitter.
00:39:04Well, at least it reminds us of what's most important.
00:39:07Yeah, be close to your loved ones.
00:39:09Jesus.
00:39:11Are they still here?
00:39:12Come on.
00:39:20You're fucking kidding me.
00:39:22Looters?
00:39:23Still here?
00:39:24I wish.
00:39:24Mandy!
00:39:25Mandy, anyone home?
00:39:28Who's that?
00:39:29Nobody.
00:39:29Mandy, it's Nick!
00:39:30Open up!
00:39:33Bucket Nicky's here!
00:39:35No, I think it's still one of the looters.
00:39:37We should probably call the cops or something.
00:39:40That's the guy?
00:39:42No, that's not the guy.
00:39:44What do you even see in me?
00:39:46Unbelievable!
00:39:49That's him!
00:39:51I've never seen that page before in my life.
00:39:55You like most of the photos.
00:39:57Hello?
00:39:59Do you wanna answer them?
00:40:06Nick!
00:40:09Hey, Mandy.
00:40:10You alright? You weren't answering your phone.
00:40:11I've been busy.
00:40:13What are you doing here?
00:40:14I had to see you.
00:40:15That's crazy.
00:40:16I know, I know.
00:40:17But the thing is about how batshit insane today was,
00:40:20made me realize how much I care about you.
00:40:22And us.
00:40:23Nick, Nick, please. Not now.
00:40:24Just hear me out.
00:40:26I'm in love with you.
00:40:30And the thought of taking that long rail into the sky.
00:40:33It gave me a new perspective.
00:40:35That you're the one I wanna be with, you know?
00:40:37You were saying how you weren't happy and already thinking about making a change, so...
00:40:43I'm here.
00:40:44Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:40:45I wouldn't say that.
00:40:47I didn't say that.
00:40:50Is, uh, someone else in there?
00:40:53Oh.
00:40:53What's up, Tank Top?
00:40:55You rode your little bike over here?
00:40:56Oh, man.
00:40:57During the middle of a crisis to, uh, to do all this?
00:40:59You think that's a cool move?
00:41:00Dude, I'm sorry.
00:41:02I thought you guys would be broken up by now.
00:41:04Oh, did you think we would be broken up by now?
00:41:05Did you guys talk about it beforehand?
00:41:06Have a little strategy?
00:41:08Shep, please go back inside.
00:41:14Maybe this was a bad time.
00:41:15No, no, no.
00:41:16You know what?
00:41:17This was bound to happen.
00:41:23Nick, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.
00:41:27I think we have to come to terms with where this is heading.
00:41:30I mean, neither of us are happy in this situation, right?
00:41:34We both need to figure out what's best for the team.
00:41:37We've had some great moments, but change can be a good thing for both parties.
00:41:42Fun fact, she used that same speech on me.
00:41:44No, no, it's similar.
00:41:46But, you know, I made a couple edits.
00:41:48Her cycle breakup speech?
00:41:50Wow.
00:41:51That's cold.
00:41:52Yeah, she's a sociopath.
00:41:53Did you know that?
00:41:53You know, I'm not good with words when it's an emotional thing, okay?
00:41:57I have to rehearse.
00:41:58It's what we had.
00:41:59It was...not real.
00:42:04I was...I was messed up.
00:42:07Okay, I used you for something that...it just wasn't going anywhere.
00:42:12I'm really sorry.
00:42:16It's okay, Mandy.
00:42:17I respect you.
00:42:19You too, Shep.
00:42:22I'm glad you guys are working it out.
00:42:24You don't get to ride away from this.
00:42:26What are you...what are you doing, Shep?
00:42:28I'm about to punch this guy in the face. Move.
00:42:29No, no, no, no. This is not a good idea. Shep!
00:42:33I'm back here.
00:42:34Come on!
00:42:34You want to come here?
00:42:35You want to try to take my girlfriend?
00:42:38Let's go. You want to do this? Let's go!
00:42:40I'm a trained pacifist. I'm not going to fight.
00:42:43But I will protect my body.
00:42:47I hate your body.
00:42:48Shep, come on. Don't embarrass yourself.
00:42:53Oh, Shep!
00:42:56Let it out.
00:42:56Nick, stop it!
00:42:58Let it out. Let it out.
00:42:59Let it out.
00:43:00Breathe. Breathe.
00:43:02Yeah.
00:43:15My phone's always on if you need to talk.
00:43:20Sorry about your car getting broken into.
00:43:30Yeah!
00:43:40It's not like I invited him over. Shep, please talk to me!
00:44:00Fuck.
00:44:17What the fuck?
00:44:22Oh, no.
00:44:23I can't believe she did that to you.
00:44:25Let me know if you want to talk about it.
00:44:32What are you up to right now?
00:45:03Oh, hey! I was just working on some stuff.
00:45:09Anyway, it doesn't matter.
00:45:12The point is, I know a lot of shit went down today and you're obviously still mad at me.
00:45:21I mean, why wouldn't you be?
00:45:24But you know, no relationship is perfect.
00:45:28We have our problems.
00:45:30But if we can just talk about this like adults, I think we can get past it.
00:45:47Give me one second.
00:45:49Hey!
00:45:50Yeah, you gotta go through the window actually.
00:45:53We completely panicked with the door and now it's, we can't undo it, what we've done.
00:45:57It's like the Taj Mahal though, right? That's how you get into the Taj.
00:46:00Oh my gosh.
00:46:01Wow, it's so much smaller than it looks online.
00:46:06Well, that's the webcam, sort of.
00:46:08Can I help you?
00:46:11Oh wow, you're Mandy. Oh my God, your skin is so glowy in person.
00:46:18Who are you?
00:46:19This is Fan Artista 4.
00:46:22Okay.
00:46:23I go by Kim IRL.
00:46:25Yeah, I've been a real big fan of Chef's ever since he posted this drawing he did of the cast
00:46:31of Friends, but they were ducks.
00:46:33That was a good one.
00:46:35Yeah, you've seen it? It's so funny.
00:46:39She's seen it. She loves it.
00:46:41And I've been seeing your post since like, years ago. Remember when you got bangs that one summer?
00:46:47Uh, sort of.
00:46:50I just can't believe I'm actually standing in your house.
00:46:53You know, usually I'm just driving by while you're sleeping.
00:46:58I'm just kidding.
00:46:59Oh, that's very funny.
00:47:02Hey, nice to meet you.
00:47:03Oh wow, cool Dracaena.
00:47:05What the fuck is she doing here?
00:47:07She's my friend. Hanging out.
00:47:10Not right now, you're not.
00:47:12Uh, you got to have a friend.
00:47:15Oh, that's bullshit and you know it.
00:47:17Fan Artista 4, how would you like to see my studio?
00:47:21Toads?
00:47:22Toads.
00:47:25You can actually cut through right there.
00:47:27Now I know.
00:47:29Okie doke dancing.
00:47:35Mandy, what the fuck? Where have you been?
00:47:37Glad to know you're okay too, Beth.
00:47:39Have you seen what's going on?
00:47:41Yeah, yeah. The thing was a false alarm.
00:47:43And it completely destroyed my relationship.
00:47:46Oh, you don't know.
00:47:48Know what?
00:47:49Your feed is famous.
00:47:51There's like gifs or gifs or whatever the fuck you call them if you guys banging each other.
00:47:55It's like crazy.
00:47:56That's impossible. Nobody gives a shit about Shep's stuff.
00:48:00You know, maybe you should take those down.
00:48:01I mean good for you for finally breaking up with him, but like...
00:48:05Oh my god.
00:48:08So today's been pretty crazy, huh?
00:48:11It's been so crazy.
00:48:12I know.
00:48:14Do you have life insurance?
00:48:16What?
00:48:17Life insurance. Like in case anything ever happens to you.
00:48:22No.
00:48:24No.
00:48:24No, I don't think most people my age have life insurance.
00:48:27I think it's an old person thing, right?
00:48:29No! Anyone can get it. I have it.
00:48:32I'm not old.
00:48:33Okay.
00:48:35Yeah.
00:48:36Okay.
00:48:37Hey.
00:48:39Will you draw me like one of your Instagirls?
00:48:45Okay.
00:48:45Yes.
00:48:46Yes, I will.
00:48:48Because you are an Instagirl.
00:48:52Alright.
00:48:55So, if you were to die, would the value of your work go up?
00:49:05What?
00:49:06Um, I think it's relative.
00:49:08I think.
00:49:09I know, but like even a little bit.
00:49:11You know, like say someone were to come in here and slit your throat.
00:49:17While you're sleeping.
00:49:19Hypothetically.
00:49:22Sure.
00:49:24Hypothetically I would say that, you know, I'm not that famous.
00:49:26So I don't think death would do anything for me at the moment.
00:49:29Oh no, you're, here's the thing, you're like super popular.
00:49:33And all great artists have had a really tragic ending.
00:49:37You know, if you wanted to, you could be the Van Gogh of Pinterest.
00:49:41But, you have both your ears.
00:49:43But that's a good thing, right?
00:49:45To have both ears.
00:49:46It's like a good, it's like a positive, I can hear everything.
00:49:49So, I don't want to lose those.
00:49:51It's just something to think about.
00:49:53I can try, I guess, thank God you're here.
00:49:55She is.
00:49:59What are you doing?
00:50:01Why didn't you tell me thousands of people were watching us?
00:50:04Yeah, but why did you cheat on me?
00:50:05Not the same.
00:50:07Kinda the same.
00:50:08Oh my gosh.
00:50:09So your guys' relationship is like crazy toxic.
00:50:12I know I've just been a casual observer for a very long time, but may I just say that
00:50:17the cycle of emotional abuse does have to stop somewhere in.
00:50:22Kim, right?
00:50:23Yeah.
00:50:24Are you done?
00:50:26Yeah, I think I got what I came for.
00:50:28Thank you for the scene.
00:50:30I'm gonna grab this.
00:50:33It's gonna get me a lot of likes.
00:50:35Thank you.
00:50:36More than likes.
00:50:37We need a good time in here.
00:50:39Oh.
00:50:44Oh, uh, if either of you wanna follow me or, um...
00:50:53I want you to take down every picture, every post, every fucking tweet that has a mention of me in
00:50:58it.
00:50:59Now!
00:51:00Well that will be very difficult to do because you just smashed all my shit!
00:51:04Figure it out!
00:51:04I can't!
00:51:05Why not?
00:51:06Because we're blowing up right now!
00:51:08I have to make sure she's out of this house!
00:51:10She's got a real weird thing about death going on!
00:51:17I mean, I took down the video.
00:51:19Um, we're gifed and memed.
00:51:21I don't know how to stop that.
00:51:24And, uh, we're on Pornhub.
00:51:26I don't wanna hear it, Shep.
00:51:28You know, you managed to flood the internet with some of the most intimate, gut-wrenching,
00:51:36embarrassing moments I've ever experienced.
00:51:40You're gonna ruin my life with this!
00:51:42And for what?
00:51:44For a couple of hits?
00:51:46It was like a million.
00:51:48Who gives a fuck?!
00:51:49Okay, I don't know what to tell you.
00:51:50The video's down, alright?
00:51:52So all we can do now is try to make the best of the situation.
00:51:54If you ever want this relationship to heal,
00:51:58or care about me even a little bit,
00:52:01you would delete our account.
00:52:03I don't know.
00:52:04Listen to me.
00:52:05People are buying my stuff.
00:52:06Like crazy.
00:52:07I've never...
00:52:08I don't even know if I can fill this many orders.
00:52:10Shep, please.
00:52:11Just do it.
00:52:12Do what?
00:52:13The profile doesn't affect...
00:52:14The video is down!
00:52:15Okay?
00:52:16So the profile is not affected by the video.
00:52:17No, I'm not gonna take it down.
00:52:19Why would I...
00:52:19No, no, I'm not.
00:52:25There's no saving us, is there?
00:52:28I don't think so.
00:52:32I want an exit interview.
00:52:36What?
00:52:37What are you...
00:52:37Like an HR thing?
00:52:38Exactly.
00:52:39I think we have to clear the air.
00:52:43You know, obviously we have a lot of stuff left unsaid.
00:52:46That's the most insane thing I've ever heard of.
00:52:48Just do it for me.
00:52:49Okay?
00:52:50Okay.
00:52:51Alright.
00:52:51Let's do an exit interview.
00:52:53Okay.
00:52:53This is normal.
00:52:54You wanna go first?
00:52:55No, no, no.
00:52:56By all means.
00:52:57It's all you.
00:52:58Great.
00:52:59Reminder, this was your idea.
00:53:00Um, okay.
00:53:01I've always known you secretly farted.
00:53:03What?
00:53:04I don't.
00:53:04Whatever.
00:53:05Easy.
00:53:05Very simple.
00:53:06We're in a fancy place.
00:53:08Immediately.
00:53:09Can I take a loose piece of artwork?
00:53:10And you hop back.
00:53:11You think we don't know?
00:53:12We all know.
00:53:13We all know what's going on.
00:53:13Oh.
00:53:15Oh, well, uh, you have the coldest feet at night.
00:53:19I think I'm sleeping next to a corpse.
00:53:21I don't think they're that bad.
00:53:22Why do you think I wear socks to bed every night?
00:53:25Who gives a shit?
00:53:26You're an ugly laugher.
00:53:28Well, you're an ugly crier.
00:53:30I'm sensitive.
00:53:31That's fine.
00:53:32You hate kids.
00:53:33I can learn not to hate kids.
00:53:36Besides, you never told me anything about wanting to start a family.
00:53:39There it is.
00:53:41There what is?
00:53:42There it is.
00:53:43What?
00:53:44I'm Mandy.
00:53:45The most passive-aggressive person on earth.
00:53:48I mean, if that's what you think.
00:53:50You are an insufferable know-it-all.
00:53:54Oh, I know how to Google.
00:53:56My name is Shep.
00:53:57We get it.
00:53:58I hate your best friend.
00:53:59Fuck you.
00:54:00I do.
00:54:00Bye.
00:54:01Everyone hates it.
00:54:02I hate your parents.
00:54:03They baby you and it's pathetic.
00:54:06Okay.
00:54:07You want to know something else?
00:54:08Bring it.
00:54:09You're a phony.
00:54:11Compared to you?
00:54:12I'm dead serious.
00:54:14You want to have a real talk?
00:54:15Fine.
00:54:17At least I care about the shit I'm trying to do.
00:54:20You're so afraid of being alone that you go from guy to guy to guy because you wouldn't
00:54:26know what to do if you had to spend time with yourself.
00:54:31You're a lousy partner.
00:54:33And that's why I cheated on you.
00:54:36Yeah.
00:54:36I saw years of my life disappearing with some total narcissist.
00:54:42Incapable of finishing anything he starts.
00:54:45Because God forbid you actually have to commit to something.
00:54:50You fell in love with another dude.
00:54:54No.
00:54:55Yeah.
00:54:55No.
00:54:56No.
00:54:56It wasn't love.
00:54:57Okay.
00:54:59But I was.
00:55:00I was missing something.
00:55:03You used to be.
00:55:06Like my best friend.
00:55:11And now you're.
00:55:14What?
00:55:16You're not.
00:55:19I've tried to be.
00:55:20I've tried so hard.
00:55:22But I've changed.
00:55:24People change.
00:55:25That's what they do in life.
00:55:27People aren't always the same person.
00:55:30What they try to do.
00:55:30Chef don't.
00:55:31Listen to yourself.
00:55:33You don't date me anymore.
00:55:34You don't get to tell me what to do.
00:55:38That's a Kool-Aid.
00:55:42What?
00:55:43Fuck.
00:55:45That's it.
00:55:46Get it out.
00:55:46You're gonna be okay.
00:55:47You're gonna be okay.
00:55:49You're gonna be okay.
00:55:50You're gonna be okay.
00:55:50Shep.
00:55:51You're hallucinating.
00:55:52It's not poison.
00:55:53It's anxiety medication.
00:55:54You should feel good.
00:55:55This reminds me of the time I was in Peru.
00:55:58I took ayahuasca.
00:56:00Had this horrible trip.
00:56:03But I came out a better person on the other side.
00:56:05Got cleansed.
00:56:07What is he doing here?
00:56:08Relax.
00:56:09Relax.
00:56:09I called him because he knows first aid.
00:56:12I brought you some water.
00:56:13When you're ready.
00:56:16Thank you so much.
00:56:17Please leave.
00:56:17You got it, buddy.
00:56:20Mandy, you mind if we sidebar for a second?
00:56:23Sure.
00:56:24What, Mandy?
00:56:25Mandy, do not sidebar with him.
00:56:26Mandy, I hate it.
00:56:33What's up?
00:56:35I don't think we should see each other anymore.
00:56:38Um, yeah, neither do I.
00:56:40But we both know you calling me was gonna lead to a relapse in judgment.
00:56:43I mean, come on.
00:56:46I don't think that's-
00:56:48Shhh.
00:56:49It's okay.
00:56:52We don't have to play these games anymore.
00:56:55You're free.
00:56:56I'm just letting you know I'm not gonna chase.
00:56:59I appreciate that.
00:57:00Just looking at you, looking at your boyfriend, spilling his guts.
00:57:05I can tell.
00:57:07You guys are a team.
00:57:10Right.
00:57:13Oh, high five.
00:57:15Yeah.
00:57:21Keep chasing the sunrise.
00:57:34Thank you.
00:57:38Why?
00:57:40I'm sorry.
00:57:41I panicked and I didn't know who else to call.
00:57:44He might have saved your life.
00:57:45No, not him.
00:57:47Why didn't you just let me die?
00:57:50Just because we're breaking up doesn't mean I don't care about you.
00:57:57So we are breaking up.
00:58:01I don't think there's any coming back from the things we said.
00:58:05It isn't healthy.
00:58:07Yeah.
00:58:10Yeah.
00:58:12I don't look great right now.
00:58:13I don't blame you.
00:58:26How do you have all the furniture?
00:58:28It was a slow takeover.
00:58:30We have so much more shit to do.
00:58:32Well, let's take a break then.
00:58:34Okay.
00:58:36I was just thinking about it.
00:58:37This is like the longest we've ever gone without looking at your cell phones.
00:58:41I wasn't even thinking about that.
00:58:42Yeah.
00:58:47Should we check the news?
00:58:48Yeah, probably.
00:58:53While the geopolitical standoff is far from over, both sides seem to have pulled back from the brink of war.
00:58:59And the missile strike is being revealed as a mistake by an overzealous officer in strategic command.
00:59:05What a fucking dumbass.
00:59:06Piece of shit.
00:59:08A newfound appreciation for those we love.
00:59:11And speaking of love.
00:59:13Oh boy.
00:59:14This couple has gone viral post-crisis trying to go out with a bang.
00:59:20We should try this.
00:59:21No.
00:59:27I think I'm gonna find somewhere to eat.
00:59:31Give you some space.
00:59:33That's fair, yeah.
00:59:33Okay, got it.
00:59:34Yeah.
00:59:35Mm-hmm.
00:59:51For one tonight?
00:59:52Yeah.
00:59:53Slow night?
00:59:55Yeah.
00:59:56Usually people come in for the happy hour samosas, but I guess they're all busy tonight.
01:00:01Well, it's probably because of all the crazy shit that went down today.
01:00:05What happened?
01:00:06You don't know?
01:00:08I'm off the grid.
01:00:09I don't even have internet right now.
01:00:12You know what?
01:00:13Doesn't matter.
01:00:14I will have an order of the samosas and a huge side of bread.
01:00:20Coming right up.
01:00:41I'm just a man standing in front of his shop asking him to love her.
01:01:11How's everything?
01:01:12Everything's great.
01:01:14Thank you.
01:01:14How's everything?
01:01:15Okay.
01:01:22Hi.
01:01:24Oh, hey.
01:01:26So much for giving each other space.
01:01:30I deleted the profile.
01:01:33All of it.
01:01:34Twitter, Twitch, Instagram, Facebook.
01:01:36Gone.
01:01:37But isn't that like your dream?
01:01:40All the attention and selling your work online?
01:01:44I thought so.
01:01:45Um, but I don't care.
01:01:48I really don't care.
01:01:50This is real.
01:01:53Thank you for saying that.
01:01:57I, uh...
01:02:00I, uh, found your signs.
01:02:03Ah.
01:02:04Right.
01:02:06I think we gotta give this another shot.
01:02:09I don't think so.
01:02:11It took us thinking that we were gonna die in order to have any kind of real conversation.
01:02:17Maybe if you can't figure out who somebody is after five years, then you never will.
01:02:24Even our meet cute story is fake.
01:02:27We don't even know what the lie was to begin with.
01:02:29We only made up a story because you didn't want to tell your friends that we met on a dating
01:02:35app.
01:02:35Well, that's not romantic.
01:02:37Okay, so that's why we decided on meeting each other on a train in Europe.
01:02:41How did I end up in the park?
01:02:43I had that park story down pat.
01:02:46Everybody's meet cute story is fake.
01:02:48There is no such thing.
01:02:50Okay, so then we don't have one. Who cares?
01:02:53Everybody's just lying to themselves to fall in love.
01:02:57Just so we can feel less alone.
01:03:15I am so sorry. Could I get a table for one?
01:03:19Sure. Anywhere you like.
01:03:22Weren't you just in here?
01:03:24No, I don't think so.
01:03:26It's from a guy.
01:03:33We're...
01:03:33Oh, jeez.
01:03:48Hello.
01:03:49Hi.
01:03:50Oh, hey. What's up?
01:03:51Hi. Excuse me. I am so sorry.
01:03:54Um, I was just looking for a seat.
01:03:57Oh.
01:03:58Yeah, it is super packed in here.
01:04:01It's so busy.
01:04:02Yeah.
01:04:03I'll try, but...
01:04:04Anyway, I noticed you were somewhere with your table.
01:04:06I don't know if, you know...
01:04:07Oh, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
01:04:09Thank you so much.
01:04:13I'll be quiet. I won't even...
01:04:14You won't even know I'm...
01:04:15Perfect.
01:04:16Here, just you and your bread.
01:04:17Great.
01:04:21I don't have a menu. You think they would give me a menu, you know?
01:04:28Have you had the chili?
01:04:30I haven't.
01:04:32It is so good.
01:04:35Really?
01:04:35I read a review, but I didn't believe it.
01:04:37Well, now I'm gonna give it a shot because of you.
01:04:40Actually, this is my favorite place.
01:04:43What?
01:04:45You're not gonna believe this. Mine too.
01:04:47What?
01:04:50Where are you from?
01:04:51New York.
01:04:52New York?
01:04:53You?
01:04:54Modesto, but I went to school in New York.
01:04:56Oh. Wow.
01:04:57We have so much in common.
01:05:00Unbelievable amounts in common.
01:05:02Wait, wait, wait.
01:05:03I have been in here every single day and I have never seen you here.
01:05:08You know what it is?
01:05:09Probably on different timelines, you know what I mean?
01:05:11Like, I'm a brunch guy.
01:05:12I usually like to sleep in.
01:05:15You're missing out on brunch.
01:05:19I'm Shep.
01:05:22I'm Mandy.
01:05:24But my friends call me Mandy.
01:05:27That is the worst joke.
01:05:30Just so you know.
01:05:32Maybe you should, uh, give me your number or something so I don't forget.
01:05:38Okay.
01:05:39Yeah, let's do that.
01:05:42Now...
01:05:43This guy with...
01:05:48Or maybe I can just pay the bill and we can go back to your place and make out.
01:05:53Okay.
01:05:55We just met though.
01:05:56I know.
01:05:57You're okay with it?
01:05:58Yep, let's go.
01:05:59Just met.
01:06:02It's pretty cute.
01:06:08Alright.
01:06:09This is it.
01:06:10Cool.
01:06:11I like it.
01:06:12Thank you.
01:06:13I don't own it.
01:06:14Really?
01:06:15Yeah, my parents own it.
01:06:18Oh, by the way.
01:06:19Fun fact.
01:06:20That door is barricaded.
01:06:21We will have to enter through the window.
01:06:24I don't mind.
01:06:25Yeah?
01:06:26Yeah.
01:06:28It's funny.
01:06:28I actually, uh...
01:06:30I used to live here with my ex.
01:06:32Oh.
01:06:34What was she like?
01:06:38She's wonderful.
01:06:40Terrifying.
01:06:42Beautiful.
01:06:44Tried to kill me once.
01:06:47Despite everything we've been through, she's 100% my best friend.
01:06:54She must have felt pretty lucky with you most of the time.
01:06:59I really hope so.
01:07:04I really hope so.
01:07:04Just so you know, I don't usually hook up with people on the first date.
01:07:08Really?
01:07:08Is that true?
01:07:10I feel like people always hook up with me on the first date.
01:07:12I just have that way about me.
01:07:14It's kind of easy for me.
01:07:16Hmm.
01:07:16Okay.
01:07:17It's weird.
01:07:19It feels like we've known each other for years.
01:07:22I know what you mean.
01:07:28Can we talk for real?
01:07:30Yeah.
01:07:33Yeah.
01:07:39Where does this put us?
01:07:43I don't know.
01:07:46But I do know this was nice.
01:07:49And I'd do it again.
01:07:51Yeah.
01:07:52Yeah.
01:07:52No, and...
01:07:54For sure, it was, it is.
01:07:57But...
01:07:57Aren't we just gonna end up in that same...
01:08:00Sad place?
01:08:02You can't say for sure.
01:08:05I kind of can, right?
01:08:09If you love me, just stay, dummy.
01:08:15I can't.
01:08:18Is this about money?
01:08:22You can't afford me.
01:08:23You'd be surprised.
01:08:25I can be very generous.
01:08:30So...
01:08:31I guess this means we should take this breakup seriously and...
01:08:36Figure out who we are solo.
01:08:40Yeah.
01:08:41We owe it to ourselves.
01:08:43You know...
01:08:44I always believed you would succeed.
01:08:47Really?
01:08:48Shut up and let me compliment you.
01:08:50Uh-huh. Go ahead, please.
01:08:52You're so talented, creative.
01:08:55You have enormous amounts of potential.
01:09:00And when you figure out what you want to do with your life...
01:09:04You're gonna be really amazing.
01:09:07Thank you for saying that.
01:09:10Um...
01:09:10You're gonna be the most...
01:09:12Incredible, amazing...
01:09:14Um...
01:09:15Gluten-free person just the second.
01:09:17You get just any distance from me.
01:09:21So...
01:09:28I'll leave tomorrow.
01:09:30No.
01:09:31Um...
01:09:32You just stay here.
01:09:32I'll go.
01:09:33I...
01:09:33You go.
01:09:34I'll go.
01:09:35But this is your family's place.
01:09:36Yeah.
01:09:37And they love you more than me.
01:09:38So they'll be thrilled to just deal with you.
01:09:39I'll...
01:09:40We'll figure it out later.
01:09:41But you just stay here.
01:09:44Can I still text you?
01:09:48No.
01:09:49I...
01:09:49I'm sorry.
01:09:51I can't handle that.
01:09:53Email me.
01:09:54If that's okay.
01:09:56That's fair.
01:10:05You're smiling in your sleep.
01:10:07Shut up.
01:10:08I am not.
01:10:08You are?
01:10:09You're content?
01:10:11I've got resting contentment base.
01:10:23Promise me you'll come back.
01:10:25Even if it's just to say hi.
01:10:30I will.
01:10:33You have all my stuff.
01:10:35Good.
01:11:02I love you, Amanda.
01:11:22I just feel like a change of scenery would be really good for you.
01:11:25My family's got a spot in the Himalayas.
01:11:27I might just go out there for a little bit of soul cleansing, you know?
01:11:30You can always come visit here for a while.
01:11:32I am more than prepared to get fucked up.
01:11:34That sounds awesome.
01:11:36But I think I need to be alone for a while, you know?
01:11:40Is there any chance you could make it work?
01:11:42Uh, I don't think so.
01:11:44Is it because of the internet sex thing?
01:11:46Mom, please don't say that.
01:11:47And, yeah, kind of because of that.
01:11:50We were just growing into different people.
01:11:52Don't let this whole my life is over thing get you down.
01:11:55I mean, just come and stay for as long as you want.
01:11:58I really appreciate it, but I have the residency thing,
01:12:00so I'll be out of your hair soon, I promise.
01:12:03We're proud of you, no matter what.
01:12:05What the hell is that?
01:12:07All right.
01:12:07Oh, my God.
01:12:09Mom?
01:12:10Dad?
01:12:13Oh, my God.
01:12:14Okay, well.
01:12:15Did you hear that?
01:12:16I don't hear anything.
01:12:17Oh, shit, she's awake.
01:12:19Hold on, honey.
01:12:20Mommy's here.
01:12:21Beth.
01:12:22Beth!
01:12:38I don't know.
01:12:39I don't know.
01:12:41I don't know.
01:12:42I don't know.
01:12:45I don't know.
01:12:47I don't know.
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