- 4 days ago
Category
๐
FunTranscript
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:07.
00:00:14.
00:00:14.
00:00:15.
00:00:15.
00:00:15.
00:00:15.
00:00:19.
00:00:20.
00:00:21.
00:00:21.
00:00:22.
00:00:22.
00:00:23.
00:00:27.
00:00:28.
00:00:30.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:31.
00:00:32.
00:00:33.
00:00:33.
00:00:33.
00:00:33.
00:00:35.
00:00:36.
00:00:36.
00:00:36.
00:00:36.
00:00:36.
00:00:37.
00:00:37.
00:00:38.
00:00:38.
00:00:38.
00:00:38.
00:00:39.
00:00:39.
00:00:39.
00:00:39.
00:00:42.
00:00:42.
00:00:44You could argue that they're more or less the same thing anyway, but hey, this is Layla's story, not mine.
00:00:52His note says he's dead.
00:00:58He signed it, and he dotted the I in his name with a little happy face.
00:01:05From this day forward, I swear to God that I will never let some lying clown tell me he loves
00:01:12me.
00:01:13Much less agree to marry him for it.
00:01:15Nonsense.
00:01:16I'll die first.
00:01:18You'll go to Harvard first.
00:01:20Okay, granted, getting blown off on your wedding day sucks a pretty big one, but, you know, hunt him down
00:01:25and kill him.
00:01:26Don't go all hysterical.
00:01:29I mean, what chick hasn't sworn off boys at some point in her life?
00:01:33Really, they're like cigarettes.
00:01:36You try out a few in the woods behind school, you puke, you give them up.
00:01:40But right around that third jello shot, they start to sound pretty good again.
00:01:46And while we're at it, what guy hasn't had his most tender lies, well, you know, burnt up?
00:01:56What I'm trying to say is you get over it.
00:02:00Unless, of course, you're still a virgin.
00:02:03Then it can take a while.
00:02:08A long while.
00:02:30Good morning, Paxa.
00:02:32If you want toะธะปะฐ a sky with this today, I don't want to rain, but I don't have aะฝัั anxiety
00:02:37zone.
00:02:37What do you want to ะตะต for?
00:02:42Who are you thinking?
00:02:44Wedel webel.
00:02:50Now we're 1 to 4 blocks of water.
00:02:51How do you plan to sheep next?
00:03:08So 12 years later, and Leila's suite remains the poster child for purity.
00:03:13Gorgeous.
00:03:15Virtuous.
00:03:17Clearest.
00:03:18Lost in the sexual woods with a big moral compass, but without the thing they put in
00:03:22the compass to make it actually point somewhere.
00:03:24And if on the bright side she has one male friend, note that he's on the end of the leash
00:03:29and is named after an anti-depressant.
00:03:31Come on, Paxil.
00:03:33Come on, Paxil.
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:37Come on.
00:03:40Good boy.
00:03:47What do you call this?
00:03:49It doesn't have a name.
00:03:51Where's Paxil?
00:03:52He's afraid of you.
00:03:53Well, try it at least, dear.
00:03:55It's full of vitamins and quite slimming.
00:03:58Is your sister joining us?
00:03:59She's on the phone with Donald.
00:04:01Oh, yes.
00:04:03Donald.
00:04:03He's a very nice boy.
00:04:05Good family.
00:04:06Down this toast.
00:04:07He's about to be our son-in-law.
00:04:10Must be great in the sheets.
00:04:12Ernest.
00:04:12What?
00:04:13Yeah.
00:04:14Like you both haven't thought the same thing?
00:04:16Well, you probably haven't.
00:04:18Oh, my God.
00:04:19What now?
00:04:22It's quite slimming.
00:04:25Here we are.
00:04:28So, ready for the big day?
00:04:30I guess.
00:04:31Yes.
00:04:31It's going to be a beautiful ceremony.
00:04:34I booked St. Andrews.
00:04:35Yeah.
00:04:36Ernest.
00:04:37You're quite a grouchy uncle, aren't you?
00:04:40Ignore him.
00:04:41You just fell off the horse once, that's all.
00:04:43I think she got bucked off.
00:04:45You're right again, sweetie.
00:04:46In a great big billowing white dress.
00:04:49Okay.
00:04:50Can I remind you all that I am not marriage-minded?
00:04:54I hate love.
00:04:55I hate weddings.
00:04:57Except for yours.
00:04:59And I hate white dresses.
00:05:02Obviously.
00:05:03You burned a perfectly good one to billowing gray ashes.
00:05:07Okay.
00:05:08I have to go.
00:05:09I'm late for the park.
00:05:11Come on, Paxil.
00:05:12Don't.
00:05:13Don't, sweetie, don't.
00:05:18How can you be late to a park?
00:05:22Bye.
00:05:29Listen to this.
00:05:31Researchers announced that male dogs raised in New York City
00:05:34are at an increased risk to develop medical problems,
00:05:37including anxiety, skin rashes, depression, tooth decay,
00:05:43hypochondria, and impotence.
00:05:44Keep it in.
00:05:45Oh, that's so sad.
00:05:47Keep it in.
00:05:47Keep it in.
00:05:49Keep it in.
00:05:53Here you go.
00:06:05Yours?
00:06:07Me?
00:06:09No.
00:06:11Mine.
00:06:12Taxel.
00:06:14Very fuzzy head.
00:06:21it yours my sisters they steal them on Sundays we were just about to leave I
00:06:30don't don't suppose you'd want to get a cup of coffee with us I wouldn't you
00:06:34would oh no I was just wondering why you thought that I wouldn't so you want I
00:06:40actually don't do this what the talking to you part I understand thanks though sure
00:07:13so
00:07:20you
00:07:32you
00:07:44Bye honey.
00:07:47Bye honey.
00:07:50Bye honey.
00:07:52Bye honey.
00:08:08Somebody once said that nostalgia is the rust of memory.
00:08:13Now that one I agree with.
00:08:18See, people's brains are basically oysters.
00:08:21All mucousy and gross.
00:08:23But there's always a grain of sand inside trying to annoy the oyster into making a pearl.
00:08:27And not a bogus pearl, either.
00:08:30One with some value, one with some weight.
00:08:33The kind you cast before swine.
00:08:36Come on, Paxil. Come on.
00:08:42Of course, there is such a thing as a false pearl.
00:08:51The ten of rods.
00:08:53You know, it looks like the bartender at Vivisection.
00:08:56Oh.
00:08:57What?
00:08:58Good morning, boss.
00:09:00Good morning, boss.
00:09:02The help from Slacker Hell.
00:09:05That's me with the marble.
00:09:07Remind me to nominate you employee of the month.
00:09:11Remind you?
00:09:12Isn't that what's-its job?
00:09:14Post-its.
00:09:15Prozac.
00:09:16Paxil.
00:09:19Then again, if this guy was your only customer, how hard would you work?
00:09:24Welcome to Sweets Muffin Shop.
00:09:27Would you like to hear a list of our muffins today?
00:09:32What's your problem?
00:09:33Layla wants us to be nice to the customers.
00:09:37All right, Dottie.
00:09:38Let me hear a list of your muffins today.
00:09:42We have...
00:09:43Cranberry?
00:09:47I'll have one of those.
00:09:48Okay.
00:09:53What happened to your arm?
00:09:55You get shot?
00:09:56Hm.
00:09:57It's a nicotine patch.
00:09:58Ah, like you don't get enough from smoking.
00:10:04Hey, Layla.
00:10:06Hello.
00:10:07See you tomorrow, Dottie.
00:10:08Will you lock up?
00:10:09Sure.
00:10:09You wanna come out with us tonight?
00:10:10We're gonna get tattoos.
00:10:11Um, I already have plans.
00:10:16All I said was hey.
00:10:20It's like I'm invisible.
00:10:25T'was brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the way.
00:10:30All mimsy were the borogoves, and the moan wrath's outgrave.
00:10:35I remember that one.
00:10:37I'm the faintest idea what it means.
00:10:39I have a picture of Evie and me here as kids.
00:10:42Yes, I know, dear.
00:10:43I took it.
00:10:43You were six.
00:10:46Mammy, are you sorry that you never had children of your own?
00:10:49But I do.
00:10:49I have two beautiful daughters.
00:10:51You know what I mean.
00:10:53I don't think children were ever an option for me.
00:10:56Or for your uncle.
00:10:59What's on your mind, sweetie?
00:11:02I wanna have a baby.
00:11:04Immaculately?
00:11:06Vaginally.
00:11:09Oh, dear.
00:11:09Yeah.
00:11:13This is not a pretty mental picture.
00:11:15Gee, thanks.
00:11:16No, seriously.
00:11:17I can't even get your clothes off.
00:11:18Evie!
00:11:20Layla, I'm sorry.
00:11:21It's just that for ten years you've been locked up tighter than a nun.
00:11:25And now all of a sudden you want the Kama Sutra.
00:11:27Uh, just the part that gets you pregnant.
00:11:31Okay.
00:11:33Well, you know, there are working parts.
00:11:38Penis?
00:11:39Good.
00:12:01Good.
00:12:02Make sure you lose the panties.
00:12:06What?
00:12:07Nothing.
00:12:10You're not wearing panties?
00:12:12No, I'm wearing underwear.
00:12:15You don't see men running around in...
00:12:17Panties?
00:12:18Maybe in a perfect world.
00:12:21Fine.
00:12:23Job.
00:12:24Excuse me?
00:12:28Occupation.
00:12:29I run a muffin shop.
00:12:31Gee, that's what I do.
00:12:34Shouldn't I be getting undressed now?
00:12:37Oh, sure.
00:12:38The doctor will be beating the door down any minute now.
00:13:00To other people to pick me so far, like that!
00:13:01Oh!
00:13:09Like that.
00:13:21Huh!
00:13:25God don't get revised into original school and destruction.
00:13:27I have no idea.
00:13:27I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
00:13:31I'm Dr. Kirk.
00:13:34As in Beverly?
00:13:37Yes, my mother claims it's British.
00:13:40This really is quite the horrifying coincidence.
00:13:43I could refer you to a colleague.
00:13:44No, thank you.
00:13:46That won't be necessary.
00:13:49Horrifying?
00:13:50Not, of course, what I meant at all.
00:13:52Embarrassing is what I meant.
00:13:54I mean, for me, that is.
00:13:57Uh, do you know that's on backwards?
00:14:00I thought it was supposed to be.
00:14:02Uh, not here.
00:14:04Oh.
00:14:05Well, I could turn it around if...
00:14:07No, we'll manage.
00:14:22So, you'd like to start a family.
00:14:24That's lovely.
00:14:25Uh, I noticed you answered the sex question, no.
00:14:29Yes.
00:14:31I see.
00:14:34How long have you and your partner been trying to conceive?
00:14:38I don't have a donor.
00:14:40As of yet.
00:14:44Artificial insemination?
00:14:46No, thank you.
00:14:50I'll tell you what, let's, uh, start with the routine exam.
00:14:53And, uh, when you leave, I'll recommend an population kit.
00:14:56The instructions are on the package.
00:14:59Oh.
00:15:01Sorry, I...
00:15:02I was bored.
00:15:04It can be erased.
00:15:07You wrote this?
00:15:09It's, uh...
00:15:09Ben Casey.
00:15:10Yeah.
00:15:19I can't remember the one for birth.
00:15:22Doctor?
00:15:23Doctor.
00:15:25Yes, of course.
00:15:26I'm sorry.
00:15:28Right.
00:15:29Right.
00:15:29Right.
00:15:33Um...
00:15:39I'm having trouble finding a, uh...
00:15:41Oh, your...
00:15:42Your ears are on your...
00:15:44Your neck.
00:15:45Quite right.
00:15:47Would you be more comfortable if the nurse were present?
00:15:50No.
00:15:51No, thank you.
00:15:54Yeah.
00:15:55Yeah.
00:15:56Yeah.
00:15:56Yeah.
00:15:57Yeah.
00:15:58Yeah.
00:16:14Wait, did you lock it?
00:16:16Yeah, I locked it.
00:16:17Mm-hmm.
00:16:19Mm-hmm.
00:16:20She didn't lock it.
00:16:21I'm lucky you didn't lock it.
00:16:23She didn't give you the wrong key.
00:16:24No, no, no.
00:16:25I don't want it.
00:16:26Is the customer...
00:16:27I don't want it.
00:16:27You were just in there.
00:16:28I don't want it.
00:16:44Well, I understand that.
00:16:46But I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:16:51I'm sure you want his birthday party to be special.
00:16:54Who wouldn't?
00:16:57Hello?
00:16:59I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:17:01You mistakenly called my number when you were trying to reach clowns to go.
00:17:04Their number's the same as mine, but in the 718 area code.
00:17:07Hello?
00:17:08Mrs. Barrows?
00:17:09Hello?
00:17:09Hi.
00:17:10My name's Layla Sweet.
00:17:11I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:17:12You mistakenly called my number when you were trying to reach clowns to go.
00:17:15See, their number's the same as mine, but in the 718 area code.
00:17:20I get a lot of calls from people looking for clowns and...
00:17:24You know those people who say, get a life?
00:17:27Sure.
00:17:28I'll hold.
00:17:30Well, if you're a single, sexually challenged babe in the big city, this is a life.
00:17:36That is, until an actual one shows up.
00:18:03I saw Evie yesterday.
00:18:04Well, how is your sister?
00:18:07Good.
00:18:07She's working on another fish story for the magazine.
00:18:11One uses the Ivy League education I paid for to write about food, the other to serve it.
00:18:16Here they are.
00:18:17I think she's getting cold feet.
00:18:19That's perfectly normal.
00:18:21Oh, that reminds me.
00:18:22I have to check some measurements for your dress.
00:18:24Oh, not today, Mammy.
00:18:25Please.
00:18:28I understand you've got a new doctor.
00:18:30Are there any secrets in this family?
00:18:32How did you find him?
00:18:34Handsome?
00:18:35Competent.
00:18:37Bullfeathers.
00:18:38He's a hunk.
00:18:40How would you know?
00:18:41Evie emailed his file.
00:18:44Oh, God.
00:18:45If you can't give it up for a cute single doctor, I'll shoot your dog.
00:18:51He's not trying to pressure you, dear.
00:18:52Yes, I am.
00:18:56When I say push, you have to push hard.
00:18:59And don't freak out if there's a little blood, okay?
00:19:01Won't it hurt?
00:19:02For a little while.
00:19:03Just make sure it goes all the way through and catch the needle with the cork.
00:19:07Okay.
00:19:08Got any cream?
00:19:09Check the fridge.
00:19:11We're out.
00:19:13Okay, you ready?
00:19:14Mm-hmm.
00:19:15All right.
00:19:16One, two, three, go.
00:19:20Ow.
00:19:21Oh.
00:19:22Okay, good, good, good, good, good.
00:19:24Good.
00:19:25Just let it stay until it takes.
00:19:27Tell me if you think I've got this right.
00:19:30Attractive, intelligent, self-employed woman, not 30, virgin, seeks potent, genetically sound
00:19:37man, 25 to 44, short-term sex, no romantics or commitment-seekers, please.
00:19:56So you mentioned in your questionnaire that you have four kids.
00:20:03Can I ask if you're still in touch with them?
00:20:06Well, as much as the next guy, I suppose.
00:20:09Well, you know, teenagers, they have a mind of their own.
00:20:11So your wife has custody.
00:20:14You know, custody, divorce.
00:20:19You are divorced.
00:20:30Actually, where I come from, I'm known as being large.
00:20:35And do you want to see?
00:20:35No.
00:20:36Oh, okay.
00:20:38I'll put the doggy in a pound for you, baby.
00:20:40I'll get you barking like a coon hound.
00:20:44I'm just really horny.
00:20:46Woo!
00:20:47I don't show blanks.
00:20:48Full metal jacket.
00:20:50I once had an erection for 19 and a half hours.
00:20:54You sure you don't want to take a little peek?
00:20:57Also, the idea of not paying for sex is a new idea to me.
00:21:06You know, I almost didn't come over.
00:21:09The whole thing just seemed so, I don't know, clinical.
00:21:14Then I realized the sacrifice you were making for this baby.
00:21:17I thought, well, maybe I could help.
00:21:21Maybe I was chosen to help.
00:21:25That the Virgin of the Plains was risen.
00:21:27And that I, the foul spawn of indifference,
00:21:31had found a purchase on the Honit Trail.
00:21:51I'm sorry, no more men.
00:21:53What?
00:21:55No interviews.
00:21:57Don't want one.
00:21:58Who are you?
00:22:02What are you supposed to be?
00:22:04What do you mean, what?
00:22:05Slappy the Clown.
00:22:11Not the rings of bell?
00:22:14What kind of childhood did you have
00:22:15that you don't know Slappy the Clown
00:22:16when he comes to your own front door?
00:22:18I heard of him.
00:22:20I just thought he was cuter.
00:22:22I brought you these.
00:22:25Don't you frighten the children?
00:22:28I just want to thank you
00:22:29for referring all those calls to Clowns2Go.
00:22:32Hey, you!
00:22:34Tickles!
00:22:36It's Slappy, okay?
00:22:38And eat me, pal.
00:22:41Well, I'm sorry to bother you.
00:22:44Here.
00:22:50Bye.
00:22:51Bye.
00:22:55Oh, my God.
00:23:22Oh, I'm sorry.
00:23:23What?
00:23:25I'm sorry.
00:23:26I just don't want any menus.
00:23:28Did I ask you if you wanted any menus, lady?
00:23:30I didn't ask you if you wanted any menus.
00:23:32I don't care if you want menus.
00:23:34Well, I don't.
00:23:36Good.
00:23:36Because I don't want to crawl around like a reptile passing the damn things out.
00:23:40Oh, poor you.
00:23:43Right.
00:23:43Poor me.
00:23:45If I don't hand these out, I don't eat.
00:23:48Well, if you'd bothered to read my sign, none of this would have happened.
00:23:52I read your sign.
00:23:54I ignore it.
00:23:55That's how I make money.
00:23:57And anyhow, aren't you a bit attractive to be doling out menus for a living?
00:24:03What's that supposed to mean?
00:24:05Nothing.
00:24:06Except you could be, like, a supermodel.
00:24:09Then I definitely couldn't eat.
00:24:12Fine.
00:24:14So, what do you want to be?
00:24:16According to my MFA, I am a poet.
00:24:19Really?
00:24:19I love poetry.
00:24:21Say one.
00:24:23What am I?
00:24:24A jukebox?
00:24:26Oh, come on.
00:24:28It'll be fun.
00:24:30We could go get coffee and muffins.
00:24:33Do you think I need a date?
00:24:42Me?
00:24:43I'd have this guy in a bondage chair with a rubber ball in his mouth.
00:24:47But Layla's going the stale coffee, burnt pastry route.
00:24:51We should probably have a talk.
00:25:00Let me guess.
00:25:02A donut?
00:25:03That's not mine.
00:25:18What are you looking at?
00:25:20Him.
00:25:22He's a friend.
00:25:24Okay.
00:25:25How'd you find a friend?
00:25:27On the street.
00:25:28He's a starving artist.
00:25:30That explains the donut.
00:25:33It's not a donut.
00:25:35And, uh, I have to take it somewhere.
00:25:38So, when he gets up, give him whatever he wants.
00:25:41Don't worry.
00:25:42And then, you know, show him the ropes.
00:25:44We don't have ropes around here, Layla.
00:25:46If we did, we'd hang ourselves.
00:25:48So, what's he gonna do?
00:25:50What you do.
00:25:52Do you think he can handle it?
00:25:57We're supposed to tell you what to do around here.
00:26:00As you can see, business isn't an issue.
00:26:04But there is something that desperately needs doing.
00:26:10The cheese?
00:26:13The balls.
00:26:14You have to tell her about the birds and the bees.
00:26:17They fly.
00:26:18No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:19Um, you have to tell her how to get boned.
00:26:24Consider it done.
00:26:27You did her?
00:26:30She's been clued.
00:26:32Right here?
00:26:34Right here.
00:26:35Six hours of good, hard, honest talking.
00:26:42Is that a slam?
00:26:44She was a bit confused about the penis.
00:26:47Who isn't?
00:26:48Straight up.
00:26:49You guys make the worst muffins I've ever tasted.
00:26:53The customer likes them.
00:27:03What?
00:27:10Paa.
00:27:11Saing.
00:27:11Saing.
00:27:15Saing.
00:27:26Saing.
00:27:28Saing.
00:27:58I don't have an appointment.
00:27:59No, please, come in.
00:28:06Sorry about Timmy.
00:28:08He's mad at his mother for being pregnant.
00:28:11Me too.
00:28:12Let me get your towel.
00:28:20Here, it's birth.
00:28:22Oh, you found it.
00:28:24It's kind of messy.
00:28:25Uh, well, it usually is.
00:28:28Um, huh.
00:28:31Sit.
00:28:36Um, circles.
00:28:39Uh, I don't remember circles.
00:28:47So, uh, I have your, uh, your test results back.
00:28:51And everything looks normal.
00:28:52I'm normal.
00:28:54Well, not normal.
00:28:55Oh, that sounds like average, which of course I don't mean.
00:28:58Uh, you're certainly way, way above average.
00:29:00Like, uh, I don't know, uh, spectacular.
00:29:06Uh, the point being, uh, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to have a child.
00:29:11If you want to.
00:29:14Would you like a grapefruit juice?
00:29:16Oh, sir.
00:29:18Oh, sir, yes.
00:29:18You mentioned that.
00:29:20You read my chart, then.
00:29:21I'm nearly through it.
00:29:23Uh, you have wonderful penmanship.
00:29:24I suppose I was a little thorough.
00:29:27I don't know.
00:29:27I learned you have very good teeth.
00:29:29Not that that matters to me, of course.
00:29:31And that, uh, we had a fine education.
00:29:34Uh, which you used to, uh, uh, to become a waitress in a donut shop.
00:29:41Proprietor.
00:29:42Muffins.
00:29:43Uh, that your height and weight are perfect.
00:29:45Uh, not to mention your skin, of course, and your eyes.
00:29:53Would you call out with me?
00:29:56I, I really can't.
00:29:58Of course not.
00:29:59I'm sorry.
00:30:00Not that I'm against it.
00:30:01Just that it leads to, you know.
00:30:03Indicourse.
00:30:05You got pretty far in my chart.
00:30:08I was actually referring to love and marriage.
00:30:11Those two, I don't do.
00:30:14The other thing, well, I just haven't done yet.
00:30:18That's why I'm here.
00:30:24That's not birth.
00:30:26What?
00:30:27Birth's not a donut.
00:30:28It's an upside down triangle.
00:30:31Your source?
00:30:32The what?
00:30:33Yours?
00:30:34A poet?
00:30:36I think we got a loser.
00:30:38Thank you, Jean.
00:30:45Well, I should go.
00:30:49Timmy's probably out there squirting things.
00:30:53Um, I just wanted to give birth to you.
00:30:57The sign.
00:30:59Oh.
00:31:00Yeah.
00:31:01Yeah.
00:31:03Okay.
00:31:28Hey.
00:31:29Hey, hey.
00:31:30Timmy.
00:31:31This is not a toy.
00:31:33Okay?
00:31:33You understand?
00:31:34You could seriously hurt somebody with one of these.
00:31:39Is Mr. Peters here?
00:31:40me.
00:31:55Whatever.
00:31:55Here.
00:32:00Where'd he get food?
00:32:04Who's he?
00:32:06A stray.
00:32:07Layla adopted him.
00:32:08Hey.
00:32:09Who are you?
00:32:12Strictly need-to-know basis.
00:32:17Where's Leila? She's not upstairs.
00:32:19Sorry.
00:32:21Tideship as usual, girls.
00:32:23This place is like the Microsoft of muffin shops.
00:32:26Thanks.
00:32:28Nice day.
00:32:36Your skin and bones.
00:32:38I'm gonna make you a tin roof.
00:32:41It's your uncle's favorite.
00:32:43Every bite could kill him.
00:32:47Mammy, you're kinda like a woman, right?
00:32:51It's a good thing I love you, dear.
00:32:54You know what I mean. You're softer than uncle.
00:32:57Thank you, sweetie.
00:33:01Do you still have sex with him?
00:33:05You do know that normal people don't talk like this.
00:33:09Well, when you do, does a big bell go off or something?
00:33:13Because I've interviewed some men and I don't think I have a bell, Mammy.
00:33:19It's just in a different key, dear.
00:33:21You have to wait for the right song.
00:33:44You have to wait for the right song.
00:33:49Let's go out of the.
00:33:51Out of the car.
00:33:52Out of the car.
00:34:10Out of the car.
00:34:20Yeah, I had to go, but I won't miss him
00:34:24I've got better things to do
00:34:28Like writing stories and making pictures
00:34:32Of anything alone
00:35:09Nothing about the children
00:35:11A story about a couple
00:35:16Still apart from an old movie
00:35:20You can tell what inspired you
00:35:25For anything alone
00:35:29Yeah, I had to go, but I won't miss him
00:35:34I've got better things to do
00:35:38Like writing stories and making pictures
00:35:43Of anything alone
00:35:47Anything but love
00:36:12Like writing stories and making videos
00:36:13That's why I don't miss her
00:36:13I see my new friend
00:36:14I see my new friend
00:36:14I see my new friend
00:36:20Haley loves me. I'm with Mammy choosing linens or something.
00:36:24Oh, I left you some goodies today. Have you picked a guy yet? Call me.
00:36:31Uh, hi. My son is having a birthday party on the 17th.
00:36:35Hello?
00:36:35I was wondering if you had someone who makes balloon animals, especially pigs.
00:36:39Please let me know. My number is...
00:36:40Hello? Hello, you there?
00:36:44Hi.
00:36:48Who are you?
00:36:49It's me, Slappy.
00:36:51You're not Slappy. He's got blue hair.
00:36:54Alright, so I'm the gingerbread man.
00:36:56Do you think I could come upstairs and change my clothes, please?
00:37:00Why?
00:37:01Because I'm a cookie.
00:37:03Hey, you. Yeah, you. Ginger snack.
00:37:06What?
00:37:07Fuck off!
00:37:11Do you have a business card?
00:37:18Eddie. Head clown.
00:37:24Paxil. Head dog. I'm Layla.
00:37:29Do you think I could use your...
00:37:31Oh, yeah. Sure. It's right back there.
00:37:33Thanks. Excuse me. Oh.
00:38:02What are you having?
00:38:05Oh.
00:38:09I changed my mind.
00:38:10Would you like anything... at all?
00:38:14Along the lines of... milk.
00:38:17Do you have anything along the lines of tequila?
00:38:21I've had a long day.
00:38:23There's a bottle up there.
00:38:26Scotch.
00:38:26But it's ten years old.
00:38:28And the label on it warns you that it was twelve years to begin with.
00:38:43Looks like you could use some, too.
00:38:45Me?
00:38:46No, I haven't had any since I was eighteen.
00:38:52Alcohol.
00:38:53I got dumped.
00:38:54I got depressed.
00:38:55And I drank a whole bottle of Luna and...
00:38:58Ooh.
00:38:59Mm-hmm.
00:39:00What kind of peckerhead would dump a babe like you?
00:39:04I bet you say that to all the girls.
00:39:22What's with the guard dog?
00:39:25No, he wasn't as pretty as the collies, so they dumped him.
00:39:29Who dumped him?
00:39:29He's rich in different owners.
00:39:33Some people shouldn't have dogs.
00:39:36And others who truly deserve them can't have them.
00:39:39Like who?
00:39:41Orphans.
00:39:42Orphans do not have beautiful dogs with little red collars.
00:39:47What about Annie?
00:39:49She's an exception.
00:39:51She's a cartoon.
00:39:54So, what do you have?
00:39:58Ugh.
00:40:01What's good?
00:40:05Drink up.
00:40:07Drink, drink, drink.
00:40:11Thanks.
00:40:13N.
00:40:14Okay.
00:40:17Nepal.
00:40:22Lesiltho.
00:40:23Ooh, la-la.
00:40:27Oh.
00:40:30There aren't any O's.
00:40:32There's one.
00:40:36Okinawa.
00:40:37That's not a country.
00:40:39Ah, that's another drink right there.
00:40:41No fair, you've played this before.
00:40:44All right, more ice.
00:40:54I fed myself.
00:40:56Good for you.
00:41:00Have a girl.
00:41:03I'm trying, I'm trying, okay?
00:41:05Don't, don't pressure me.
00:41:08Wait, you're married?
00:41:10No.
00:41:13Gay?
00:41:14No.
00:41:16Well, help me out here, Layla.
00:41:28That's my sex life.
00:41:32I'm like...
00:41:33a total...
00:41:35virgin.
00:41:40Will you show me...
00:41:42how?
00:41:46Um, well...
00:41:48your lips were a little,
00:41:49a little bit slack.
00:41:51You might wanna, uh...
00:41:55just...
00:41:57Show me.
00:42:15You'll do.
00:42:17You'll do.
00:42:19I'm not gonna be, you know.
00:42:25You're welcome.
00:42:25You're welcome.
00:42:25You'll be here today.
00:42:26One of the things that I'm a woman.
00:42:34That's my son, man.
00:42:36I know.
00:42:39Happy birthday.
00:42:43You never know.
00:42:46I know, but I will have a kind of drama.
00:42:49On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:52You know I feel all right
00:42:55Feel all right
00:42:57Feel all right
00:43:00Feel all right
00:43:25I never would have got that
00:43:28So you didn't actually have sex then?
00:43:31No, not according to the evidence
00:43:33Well good
00:43:35I mean most people like to at least remember their first time
00:43:39So they can pretend years later they enjoyed it
00:43:41Look, I want tips
00:43:43Hard tips
00:43:45Hard as bullets
00:43:47I want it to be scary
00:43:49Tips
00:43:51Positions
00:43:51Good ones
00:43:53I have to answer you?
00:43:55You're my doctor
00:43:56Yes
00:43:58Well there's a school of thought
00:44:01Which believes that conception
00:44:04May be more likely to occur
00:44:06If one were to
00:44:09Well if you were to
00:44:11To get up on one's
00:44:16All fours
00:44:18Helping to
00:44:19Retaining a sperm near the
00:44:21Cervix
00:44:23Sperm near the cervix
00:44:24Then after you might want to
00:44:27To roll over on one's
00:44:31Back?
00:44:32Good
00:44:33That's so that you're long
00:44:34You're
00:44:35You're up in the air
00:44:36My legs
00:44:36That would be fine
00:44:39And
00:44:39Gravity takes over
00:44:42Gee
00:44:44Doesn't sound like much fun
00:44:45Speak for yourself
00:44:56Bad night dear?
00:44:58I got drunk and kissed a clown
00:45:00But that's wonderful
00:45:03I went to the doctor
00:45:04You don't need a doctor
00:45:06It got worse at the doctors
00:45:09It's about love isn't it?
00:45:11That sickly blue sheen under your skin
00:45:14An affair of the heart can be wretchedly blue
00:45:17People have perished
00:45:18It's alcohol and not love
00:45:21There's nothing wrong in a little champagne
00:45:24In moderation
00:45:24And on the right occasion
00:45:26What about a tidal wave of scotch?
00:45:28Washes away the inhibitions
00:45:30Very instrumental in the bedding of your uncle
00:45:33And look how that turned out
00:45:36Oh lord
00:45:37Your uncle
00:45:38The fitting
00:45:40What's the fitting?
00:45:42Baby sister's big day
00:45:43The maid of honour
00:45:44I left Ernest in a love car
00:45:47Today's the final fitting
00:45:49When was the first?
00:45:51Well honey
00:45:52You're not the bride
00:45:53Well of course
00:45:54You will be one
00:45:56Again
00:45:56Oh there's everybody's coat
00:45:59Just bring me a dress
00:46:01I don't even care if it fits
00:46:03Come on
00:46:05Yumikatsuru waits for no one
00:46:08She outfitted the nutcracker
00:46:13I don't see how one person
00:46:15Can forget about another person
00:46:17When that person is sitting
00:46:18Downstairs in a car
00:46:21For an hour
00:46:22Twenty minutes max
00:46:24Forty bucks minimum
00:46:26Where's Evie?
00:46:29You tell her
00:46:31She's not in the mood
00:46:33It's her wedding
00:46:34I'm not in the mood
00:46:35The important thing is
00:46:37The only thing is
00:46:38There is going to be a wedding
00:46:39What about the dress?
00:46:41Tell her
00:46:43You tell her
00:46:44Tell me what?
00:46:48No
00:46:49Absolutely not
00:46:50I do not wear gowns
00:46:53You can
00:46:54And you will
00:46:57Oh no
00:46:58Don't worry
00:46:59You're getting out the jiffy
00:47:00And you're practically
00:47:02The same size as Evie
00:47:03Except for the rise
00:47:04And there is no rise
00:47:05And of course
00:47:06The little white panties
00:47:08How do you do?
00:47:10Is this the joyful bride?
00:47:12No
00:47:12Do I detect a few jitters?
00:47:15You detect a bottle of scotch
00:47:18Where's the dumb dress?
00:47:20Please excuse my extra niece
00:47:22She poo-poos love and marriage
00:47:24Ah
00:47:24The single sister of the bride
00:47:28Poor child
00:47:29For this poor child
00:47:30We'll also need something in white
00:47:31As we mentioned
00:47:33We're planning an all-white wedding
00:47:35This one actually is a virgin
00:47:37The bride of course is not
00:47:38Ah yes
00:47:40Don't worry
00:47:41When a young woman
00:47:42Puts on a wedding dress
00:47:44Even someone else's
00:47:45She's positively transformed
00:48:10Tonight
00:48:11When I go and lay myself down
00:48:16Will I dream
00:48:19Will I dream
00:48:23Tonight
00:48:27Where are you?
00:48:29Where am I?
00:48:31In a dream
00:48:32In a dream
00:48:38Climbing away
00:48:41To the moon
00:48:43And the stars
00:48:45Fly away
00:48:51So far
00:49:03You're a bad boy
00:49:05No I'm not
00:49:07Yes you are
00:49:10No I'm not
00:49:12Yes you are
00:49:13No I'm not
00:49:19Spartacus?
00:49:21Me, Addie
00:49:24You look like
00:49:25Spartacus
00:49:26Then you look like
00:49:27A lot of people
00:49:29Why are you crying?
00:49:32Because I barfed on
00:49:33My sister's wedding dress
00:49:37You can tell me
00:49:39I just did
00:49:40Come on Layla
00:49:44You're trying to get me
00:49:45To say that I'm crying
00:49:48Well that I'm really crying
00:49:49Because
00:49:51I once was a kid
00:49:54And
00:49:54I once had parents
00:49:58And I once had secret hopes
00:50:00And dreams
00:50:02But I'm afraid that that's not it
00:50:05It's that I threw up on my sister's dress
00:50:09Well my uncles will have it clean
00:50:10But still
00:50:11My sister
00:50:11My little baby sister
00:50:13Has to get married
00:50:14In a dress that I barfed on
00:50:16Once you barf on it
00:50:18They make you buy it
00:50:20Bastards
00:50:23One look
00:50:24I'm talking about
00:50:26One
00:50:27And suddenly I am
00:50:29I'm in this vortex
00:50:32Of some giant sucking
00:50:35Unfathomably forceful
00:50:39Force
00:50:41We're still talking about
00:50:43The Virgin
00:50:43Right?
00:50:44It's more like a
00:50:45More like a great big thundering
00:50:47Speedball of a
00:50:49Rushing
00:50:50Toady
00:50:51Flood
00:50:54You know that feeling?
00:50:56Lust?
00:50:59Dread
00:51:00The kind of dread
00:51:01That perfect women inspire
00:51:04I'm married
00:51:06She writes five TV show words
00:51:08On my blackboard
00:51:09And I run with it
00:51:10Boy do I run with it
00:51:11Let it out
00:51:16I don't completely remember last night
00:51:19You were toast
00:51:21Still I should thank you
00:51:22For being such a gentleman
00:51:23You were a tad unconscious at the time
00:51:26They have laws about that
00:51:28Gee you're like the perfect clown
00:51:32Not a clown now
00:51:34No you're a vulcanized gladiator
00:51:37I saw the movie
00:51:40Touch my chest
00:51:42Well it's so cold and synthetic
00:51:44But inside beats the heart of a lion
00:51:48Noble Roman
00:51:51Sword is out to your service
00:51:53Would you be so shamelessly used?
00:51:57I'm Spartacus
00:52:00You really do deserve to wear the skirt
00:52:08Dead
00:52:09He's on the mat
00:52:29and you were awake.
00:52:32That's so gross.
00:52:34Breastplate on or off?
00:52:36Oh my God, this is just like ice cold.
00:52:41Did you touch it?
00:52:43I laughed at it.
00:52:45No, Leila, no.
00:52:47He took it out, I laughed, and he left.
00:52:50That's all.
00:52:52That's all.
00:52:53I think that's probably enough.
00:52:59Look at that shit here!
00:53:01I love you, baby.
00:53:03Yeah, come on now.
00:53:06He's quite graceful.
00:53:09He's rich.
00:53:12He's gorgeous.
00:53:16He's perfect in bed.
00:53:21Oh, God.
00:53:47Hey, boss.
00:53:48I haven't seen you in a while.
00:53:50Where are all these people?
00:53:52Customers.
00:53:53When do we get customers?
00:53:57Here's the deal, Harvard.
00:53:59From now on, the menu's whatever I decide to cook.
00:54:03I set the prices according to who's buying.
00:54:07Lawyers can no longer afford to eat here.
00:54:10Hey, I'm a lawyer.
00:54:12Who's this guy?
00:54:13He hates that question.
00:54:14How would you know?
00:54:20I get no salary, but 10% of the gross.
00:54:24We close on Wednesdays because I don't like Wednesdays.
00:54:27We are close on Sundays because I do like Sundays.
00:54:31But it's possible that I will leave at any time.
00:54:34Do we have an understanding?
00:54:37Are you wanted or something?
00:54:38Good one, Donald.
00:54:40Say yes, boss.
00:54:42Can you get her here by 6 a.m.?
00:54:45Nose rings set and shined.
00:54:46Doubtful.
00:54:47Very, very doubtful.
00:54:50So, who's angry?
00:54:53Akiri, what about you?
00:54:55I don't know how to price your meal.
00:54:59Layla.
00:55:01Uh, Eddie.
00:55:04Listen, I don't know what got into me last night.
00:55:08I'm not a dad.
00:55:10Some clown.
00:55:11Last night?
00:55:13It's a long story.
00:55:16So, this is Slappy?
00:55:17All the good names were taken.
00:55:19Could we take this?
00:55:25Listen, Layla.
00:55:27I'm beginning to feel a little bit objectified here.
00:55:31Well, defender?
00:55:33Oh, good.
00:55:34Children.
00:55:35Are you really the defender?
00:55:38Sure, why not?
00:55:39And you gotta help her.
00:55:41She's sick.
00:55:47How is she?
00:55:49I'm only hypothermic.
00:55:50A little weak.
00:55:50She'll be fine.
00:55:52Well, you always feel better when they throw up on me.
00:55:55Who are you again?
00:55:56Eddie.
00:55:57Head clown.
00:55:59Oh.
00:56:02So, someone must be worried about you, huh?
00:56:04What's your name?
00:56:06I'm Jack.
00:56:07She's Red.
00:56:08Nobody's worried.
00:56:10Okay.
00:56:11Red.
00:56:12That's a pretty name.
00:56:13Do you remember your address?
00:56:14Hmm?
00:56:15She zipped her lips.
00:56:17Really?
00:56:17You know, I once did that, too.
00:56:18I once zipped mine for about a month.
00:56:20So, where's your secret key?
00:56:22It's a zipper.
00:56:24Not a lock.
00:56:25Huh.
00:56:27Whoops.
00:56:30Okay, then what about you?
00:56:32What's your address?
00:56:33Same as hers.
00:56:34Or twins.
00:56:36Huh.
00:56:37Well, on that note, Doc, Layla, kids, I'm off to right some wrongs.
00:56:48Is he your boyfriend?
00:56:50I don't have boyfriends, Jack.
00:56:53He's not really a superhero, you know.
00:56:56Not by a long stretch.
00:56:59Here you go, sweetie.
00:57:00You want that?
00:57:02My dog?
00:57:05I was going to mention him.
00:57:06Hey.
00:57:07That's her dog.
00:57:09Okay.
00:57:10Will you take good care of him?
00:57:12Hmm?
00:57:13He zipped his lips, too.
00:57:16Jack.
00:57:17Red.
00:57:18You're staying with me tonight, okay?
00:57:21You got a cable?
00:57:34I'm just going to go tuck her in, okay?
00:57:36Okay.
00:57:38Your room's right there.
00:57:40Yeah.
00:57:51I'm just going to wait here for a second.
00:57:56Okay.
00:57:57You know, make sure everything's cool.
00:58:02I understand.
00:58:05Because you never know what's going to happen.
00:58:07That's true.
00:58:08I'm not even that tired.
00:58:12You're a brave guy, Jack.
00:58:13He took good care of your sister.
00:58:16Can I shake your hand?
00:58:22All right.
00:58:23You know, I was thinking, though, what if, uh, what if Red wakes up and, uh, you're not
00:58:29there?
00:58:30She might get scared.
00:58:32Amanda, you'd rather have your own room, but you think for tonight you might stay with
00:58:35her?
00:58:37Protect her?
00:58:39Yeah?
00:58:41Yeah.
00:58:42Yeah.
00:58:56I may not be perfect at this, but I won't be mean.
00:59:00So, please, don't get anything bad or fatal or indictable while you're here.
00:59:07Or not here.
00:59:09Actually, don't get anything.
00:59:12Anywhere.
00:59:13Okay?
00:59:15Amen.
00:59:18And you, look after them, Buster.
00:59:32Leslie?
00:59:38It's nice.
00:59:39Like a little story.
00:59:41Yeah.
00:59:43When Evie and I were kids, we used to think our father was an astronaut.
00:59:46Because there was always spacesuits lying around the house.
00:59:52His real job was to make sure that the visors on the helmets didn't steam up.
01:00:00Not everyone's a star.
01:00:14What's going to happen to them?
01:00:16I don't know.
01:00:18I'll make some calls.
01:00:20I was thinking that they could stay here.
01:00:23What about your mission?
01:00:25Well, I can postpone that.
01:00:28Still, I think Eddie's an excellent choice.
01:00:31He can name almost every country.
01:00:34On Krypton?
01:00:35I'm serious.
01:00:38Okay.
01:00:38Seriously, then, I would have to say the clown in question is not an excellent choice.
01:00:45It's less than excellent.
01:00:46In fact, actually, it's insane.
01:00:50It is stupendously, mind-numbingly insane.
01:00:58You don't practice on children, Layla.
01:01:00You don't pick daddies off a Wheaties box.
01:01:04The only thing more idiotic than letting that guy touch you is letting him father your child.
01:01:10And the only thing dumber than that is you having a child in the first place.
01:01:16Is that a medical opinion?
01:01:18No.
01:01:19No.
01:01:20Do you want one?
01:01:22No.
01:01:32You know, when I was about four, my mom was pregnant with my little sister.
01:01:39And she asked me if I wanted to touch her stomach.
01:01:45And I burst out crying because I thought that she'd swallowed this baby.
01:01:50That she was going to swallow me.
01:01:55So?
01:01:57So she told me that she loved me more than anything.
01:02:03That I had nothing to be scared of.
01:02:07I mean, the reason I know, I mean, I absolutely know, that you can love somebody again, Layla.
01:02:14Is that you're so completely afraid, Tim.
01:02:21Why are you doing this to her?
01:02:30Please.
01:02:32I can't.
01:02:37Look, I told you from the beginning.
01:02:40No, I know.
01:02:41You don't do love.
01:02:43Wow.
01:02:48I'm sorry.
01:02:52Me too.
01:03:03You don't do love.
01:03:05You don't do love.
01:03:50You don't do love.
01:03:52I don't know.
01:04:25This is a very lucky card.
01:04:28This means that you'll have a lot of luck.
01:04:33Very steady, little flip.
01:04:41I got a pancake.
01:04:57Hey, you.
01:05:01You guys ready?
01:05:05Not done.
01:05:13Hands up.
01:05:29Ten minutes, kids, and we're out of here, OK?
01:05:38I just wanted to thank you for what you almost did to me.
01:05:46Oh, and under the cape, very impressive.
01:05:49I know.
01:05:51I've seen videos.
01:05:52Certainly didn't mean to laugh.
01:05:55But this just isn't a good time for me at all.
01:06:00And thank you.
01:06:03You've been very kind.
01:06:06Oh, and by the way, Mrs. Herbert is looking for two clowns on Sunday.
01:06:13I said you were excellent.
01:06:15Everything you do, everywhere you go.
01:06:18Everything you do, you do it for your lady love.
01:06:22Your lady love.
01:06:24Your lady love.
01:06:26Your lady love.
01:06:28Fools in love.
01:06:29They think they're heroes.
01:06:32Cause they get to feel my pain.
01:06:35I said fools in love are zeroes.
01:06:38I should know.
01:06:40I should know.
01:06:42I should know.
01:06:42Because this fools in love are zeroes.
01:06:49Oh, God, that girl talk.
01:06:51Let them be.
01:06:51This is a precious time for sisters.
01:06:55Ten minutes.
01:06:58I could be making a...
01:07:02big mistake.
01:07:05Me too.
01:07:07This isn't about you.
01:07:09Sorry.
01:07:14Smart little monster.
01:07:16She won't put on the dress.
01:07:18Or speak to me.
01:07:21She's not much of a talker.
01:07:22Oh.
01:07:23Aren't you?
01:07:25Huh?
01:07:28Do we know any of these people?
01:07:31That's Dr. Beverly.
01:07:41No.
01:07:41Well, is this the way you felt before you almost got married?
01:07:46No.
01:07:49I felt perfect.
01:07:51I felt beautiful.
01:07:55Well, that fucked up.
01:07:57Thanks.
01:07:59No, that's good.
01:08:01Because you were really happy.
01:08:03And the guy bailed.
01:08:06And I'm really...
01:08:09drunk.
01:08:11So this is good.
01:08:14This is fine.
01:08:15Mm-hmm.
01:08:21Do you shave your outfits?
01:08:24I do.
01:08:30Oh, my God.
01:08:32You look like an angel.
01:08:37Very nice.
01:08:40Good.
01:08:41Could we get on with this?
01:08:43Could we get on with this?
01:08:54Red.
01:08:56You're beautiful.
01:09:01So are you.
01:09:05Okay.
01:09:06All in our places with sunshiny faces.
01:09:20We left there.
01:09:25Come on.
01:09:26Oh.
01:09:30Oh, shit.
01:09:34What?
01:09:35I forgot to write my vows.
01:09:38We were supposed to write vows.
01:09:42But...
01:10:05Little Harvard.
01:10:06Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:10:20No, no, no, no, no.
01:10:22In the maze, they still let heterosexuals marry.
01:10:26Is the groom at least here this time?
01:10:29He's here.
01:10:32When Evie divorces him and remarries,
01:10:35you do realize we'll have at least one more of these?
01:10:39Your pessimism has no place at this ceremony.
01:10:42Hmm.
01:11:17Would you agree that the eyes are the windows of the soul?
01:11:22Uh...
01:11:23Absolutely, Father.
01:11:25Perhaps your bride might like a glimpse of your soul just now.
01:11:37Dearly beloved,
01:11:39we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this company
01:11:42to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
01:11:47You two.
01:11:51Rough night.
01:11:55Before we recite the traditional vows, I understand the bride and groom have taken the time to compose something from
01:12:01their hearts.
01:12:06Why do I have to go first?
01:12:08Just reading what you've written, son.
01:12:19I love you.
01:12:22Deeply.
01:12:26Like the deep...
01:12:28snow.
01:12:35Sometimes the heart is too full for words.
01:12:40And the bride's declaration?
01:12:48Is she drunk?
01:12:53You know, there's a guy in a bee suit here.
01:12:56It's a bee.
01:12:59Oh.
01:13:01Just forget it. Let's, uh...
01:13:03Let's move on.
01:13:05Deep snow?
01:13:08Well then.
01:13:10If any man could show just cause why these two may not lawfully be joined together,
01:13:16let him speak now, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.
01:13:24Anyone?
01:13:27No.
01:13:29Excuse me.
01:13:30Wilt thou, Donald, take this woman to be thy wedded wife?
01:13:34Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, as long as you both
01:13:39shall live?
01:13:41Oh, boy.
01:13:42I do.
01:13:43Wilt.
01:13:47Wilt thou, Evie, take this man to thy wedded husband?
01:13:50Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, as long as you both
01:13:56shall live?
01:13:57Oh, boy.
01:14:01Just saying I do.
01:14:06Or I do.
01:14:10Or something else.
01:14:13Excuse me?
01:14:15Is it too late to forever not hold my peace?
01:14:19Uh...
01:14:21I mean, to speak now.
01:14:23Who is this woman?
01:14:25Sister.
01:14:26Look, Donald.
01:14:28I know this is really tricky timing and everything.
01:14:32I mean, God, you've got your whole family here.
01:14:35But look, my guy didn't even make it inside the church.
01:14:38At least Evie walked all the way up here to tell you.
01:14:42Tell me what?
01:14:43That you're not the one, Donald.
01:14:47You're certainly a one.
01:14:49Probably even the one to a lot of women.
01:14:51Evie says you really know your way around a waterbed.
01:14:55But you're just gonna have to be somebody else's big one.
01:15:00Well, that makes it unanimous.
01:15:02You're not.
01:15:02Louis, you're his father.
01:15:04What?
01:15:04Anyway, I'm the last person who should say anything about love.
01:15:11But I know what it looks like.
01:15:14You see?
01:15:16It's this thing.
01:15:18It's this...
01:15:20Really...
01:15:22It's this thing that gets under your skin.
01:15:26And...
01:15:27And what in me is dark illumines?
01:15:33Wow.
01:15:34That's great.
01:15:36Very medieval.
01:15:37But no, I was gonna say it's a hairball.
01:15:40It's an unholy hairball.
01:15:44Which rots and festers and grows enormous.
01:15:50So for like 12 years...
01:15:52You don't lay a finger on it.
01:15:55For fear that when it stops choking and itching and gagging you...
01:16:00You won't feel anything at all.
01:16:04And then...
01:16:05One day...
01:16:07A light bulb goes on and you see...
01:16:10And you know...
01:16:16Well...
01:16:17That your sister shouldn't marry the man that she intended to.
01:16:22That's all.
01:16:26She's right, Donald.
01:16:29You think about it?
01:16:30You understand, don't you?
01:16:33I understand.
01:16:35I just don't know where to go.
01:16:37Well...
01:16:38Don't go anywhere.
01:16:40We're...
01:16:41We're unmarried.
01:16:42We're not dead.
01:16:43We can still get together later.
01:16:47Well then...
01:16:48If there are no more completely inappropriate surprises...
01:16:52Perhaps now would be fine time to call these proceedings to a...
01:16:55Wait.
01:16:57There's actually just one more thing.
01:17:00Of course there is.
01:17:03When I was 17, I stood outside of this...
01:17:08Very church and swore to God that I would never again let anyone tell me they love me.
01:17:14And guess what?
01:17:17Nobody has.
01:17:20Because...
01:17:20The longer that the wall stood...
01:17:23The higher it got.
01:17:25Until no one could knock it down anymore.
01:17:28Least of all me.
01:17:31I've spent a long time scared to let anyone in.
01:17:36Especially the one who's...
01:17:38Hiding out there behind the curtain.
01:17:41How about it, Beverly?
01:17:44Will you love me?
01:17:46Beverly, not in my church.
01:17:48He's a man, Reverend.
01:17:50He's a good and kind man.
01:17:52But even if you're a woman, I'd love him till death even dared.
01:17:57Beverly?
01:17:58Will you keep me and comfort me in sickness and dubious mental health?
01:18:05Beverly?
01:18:08Beverly?
01:18:15Okay.
01:18:18He-he-he!
01:18:33What are you doing? Nobody's married!
01:18:36We may never get this close again, so kiss me, darling!
01:18:40Oh, you're insane.
01:18:55As for the rest of us, no real change in forecast.
01:19:00The customer smokes and pines, but mostly smokes.
01:19:07Many men actually did manage to turn this dump around, all the while banging Evie who
01:19:13continues to date Donald.
01:19:16Dottie's in a millennium cult.
01:19:20Mammy, our den mother, is deeply in denial, forever planning fabulous weddings that will
01:19:26never come and fussing over the adopted twins.
01:19:32Ernest, on the other hand, thinks children, like dogs, should be seen and not heard.
01:19:39I don't know who that guy is with Preacher, but he kind of smells.
01:19:45Me?
01:19:45I got stung by Eddie, repeatedly, until I realized I was allergic to bees.
01:19:52I have something for you.
01:19:57It's birth.
01:20:01I have something for you, too.
01:20:08Where are they going?
01:20:10Boy, you're dumb.
01:20:16Wine comes in at the mouth.
01:20:18Love comes in at the eye.
01:20:21That is all we shall know of truth, before we grow old and die.
01:20:24I lift my glass to my mouth, I look at you, and I sigh.
01:20:30That's Layla's favorite poem, which she learned at Harvard.
01:20:33She says it's romantic, but I take it to mean a guy will only love you when he's loaded.
01:20:39Which is why I have no plans for college.
01:20:46I brought something for Layla.
01:20:48I got something for Layla.
01:20:50I was going to bring it if she wanted to give her.
01:20:52I found this in the garbage.
01:20:55It's a, I think, I think it was like a snowball.
01:21:00You know, it's got, it's New York City in here.
01:21:03It's New York and there was like water with snow in it and stuff.
01:21:07And it must have broke.
01:21:10I thought, I thought she would like, it actually plays a song.
01:21:19See, this is the, um, Empire State Building here.
01:21:25That's, um, the, the Plymouth, no, uh, Chrysler Building.
01:21:32And, um, I love New York, man, I really love New York.
01:21:37Such a great town.
01:21:39I mean, I love it when it snows in New York, you know, when it covers all the shit and
01:21:42the
01:21:42grime, which was snow still in it, she would probably, but still, it still plays a song.
01:21:48And there's Times Square, lots of porno shops, and, um, there's a little, little cab right
01:21:53there.
01:21:55There's snow, snow in New York.
01:22:00I know the song to, uh, um, start letting me out.
01:22:10Um, I'm coming today.
01:22:16Um, New York, New York, it's, it's a hell of a town.
01:22:25Something's up and the other thing is down.
01:22:28And I'm gonna drive in a cab with Layla all over town.
01:22:36And we'll make it in this town.
01:22:43I love Layla, man, I really love Layla.
01:22:47I love Layla.
01:22:48I love Layla.
01:22:53I love layla.
01:22:54No, no, no.
01:22:57No, no, no, no.
Comments