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00:00¡Gracias!
00:30Marrying mama to him was the same as sending her to die.
00:33Three years later, word came that father was dead.
00:37Grandma and the village elders collected 20 silver coins from Vance.
00:41They sold mama off.
00:43The news arrived on the day mama was washing clothes by the river.
00:47Deep winter, the water was thick with floating ice, cold enough to cut bone.
00:52Grandma wouldn't allow her to use hot water.
00:54She said firewood was precious, not for a worthless brat who couldn't produce sun.
01:02I'd haul extra firewood down from the mountain, but it always went straight to Uncle Dale's fire pit.
01:09If mama or I used so much as one extra stick, grandma beat us and cursed us for three days
01:15straight.
01:17I tried to help with the washing. Mama waved me off.
01:21The river's cold, little one. Go play over there where the sun hits. It's warmer.
01:26In the dead of winter, midday sun was the only warmth we ever had.
01:31When the laundry was done and we walked home, grandma and the village elders were already waiting.
01:37They'd been in such a rush, but not enough to walk down to the river and find us.
01:42You take this long, wandering off who knows where, worthless brat.
01:47Roy's barely gone and already your heart's drifting.
01:55The soldiers sent word. Roy's dead. You killed him.
01:59Every bit of bad luck he had started when he married you.
02:02He's gone now, so hurry up and remarry. Don't stay here dragging our family down.
02:06The bundle was small. Two of mama's worn out dresses.
02:10Grandma didn't look like she was grieving her own fault.
02:12She looked the same as always, like someone had told me the village dog had died.
02:17Mama said nothing. She just held my hand tighter.
02:22Grandma, can I bring my daughter with me?
02:25Mama wasn't crying much. She was only worried about me.
02:29See if the huntsman's willing to pay for her.
02:33A girl this size.
02:35Sell her to a broker and you'd get ten silver easy.
02:38Mama's grip went tighter around my hand.
02:41We both knew.
02:42The moment she left, Grandma would sell me.
02:45She wouldn't keep me a single day longer than she had to.
02:50Mama shouldered her bundle and held my hand.
02:52Grandma and the village elders herded us to Vance's house.
02:55He was inside, sharpening a blade.
02:57The scraping sound never stopped.
03:00His bad leg jutted stiffly to one side.
03:02It couldn't bend.
03:03A scar ran from below his left eye all the way to the right corner of his mouth,
03:07like something had tried to split his face in half.
03:11I stepped behind Mama.
03:13Vance looked us over.
03:15You people forced this woman on me.
03:17Twenty silver is already too much.
03:20Don't push it further.
03:21He clearly hadn't wanted to take Mama, let alone me.
03:24Dead weight she'd dragged along.
03:26My Roy saved your life once.
03:28Now he's dead and we're delivering this woman straight to your door.
03:32You should be on your knees thanking us.
03:33She wants to bring the girl along as your daughter.
03:36You get a wife and a child all at once.
03:38I'm not asking for much.
03:40Another ten silver and we're done.
03:42Most families earned two or three silver in a year.
03:45Ten silver could buy a full acre of good farmland.
03:48I was not worth that much.
03:52People in the village said he was a silent man.
03:55But when he opened his eyes and looked at you,
03:57really looked,
03:58it could stop your heart cold.
04:00Grandma shoved Mama hard.
04:02Mama's thin frame nearly went down.
04:04Mr. Hart,
04:06my daughter eats very little.
04:08She can work.
04:10Please,
04:11could you give us somewhere to go?
04:12Vance finally looked at me,
04:14a long, unreadable frown.
04:16Mama tugged at my hand.
04:17I dropped to my knees beside her with a hand.
04:21Call him something.
04:22I stared up at Vance.
04:25At the scar.
04:26My lips shook.
04:27Papa.
04:28Vance went still.
04:30The scar looked even more ferocious when his face froze like that.
04:34Grandma's foot came with my back.
04:36Your real father's barely cold
04:38and you're already calling some stranger Papa.
04:41Worthless brat.
04:43Just like your harlot mother,
04:44heart already belongs to someone else.
04:47She kept kicking.
04:48I lay flat
04:49and didn't move.
04:50Didn't make a sound.
04:52That was how it worked.
04:53Stay still.
04:54Let her finish
04:55and she'd stop.
04:56Mama tried to crawl to me.
04:58One of the village elders kicked her back.
05:00It was always like this in Roy's household.
05:03Mama couldn't save me.
05:04She couldn't save herself.
05:07Enough!
05:08Vance stood.
05:09He went inside.
05:10He came back and threw ten silver coins onto the ground.
05:14This girl is my child now.
05:17I looked up at Vance.
05:19Mama hadn't caught with his silver.
05:21I had.
05:22Grandma grabbed the silver and turned to leave.
05:25Vance blocked her.
05:26He demanded a written contract.
05:29Grandma refused.
05:30Vance snatched the silver right back.
05:33No contract.
05:34No silver.
05:35In the end,
05:36with the village elders
05:37and the village head as witnesses,
05:39the contract was signed.
05:41Both Mama and I became part of Vance's household.
05:45Mama put down her bundle
05:46and started working immediately.
05:48If she stayed busy enough,
05:50maybe Vance would let me eat more.
05:52Maybe he wouldn't hit me.
05:54Vance's house was plain.
05:55Three main rooms.
05:57A hall in the center.
05:58A bedroom on each side.
05:59Only one bedroom had a bed.
06:01The other was empty.
06:03Mama led me to the woodshed.
06:05The firewood was stacked clean.
06:07The floor was tidy.
06:09Mama shifted some wood
06:10and found a board.
06:11She built me a rough bed out of it.
06:15Don't be afraid, little one.
06:21Mama, I'm not afraid.
06:23At Roy's house,
06:25it had always been the same.
06:26When Father was home,
06:28he'd say I was in the way,
06:29always getting between him and Mama
06:31when they were trying for a son.
06:33He'd chase me to the woodshed.
06:35Roy's woodshed was filthier than this.
06:37Rats,
06:38snakes,
06:39frozen solid in winter,
06:41a furnace in summer.
06:42I'd survived all of it.
06:44Mama held me against her chest.
06:46Maybe once I give him a son,
06:48things will ease up.
06:50I said nothing.
06:51I'd long suspected
06:52Father's cruelty toward Mama
06:54had nothing to do with sons.
06:57Mama,
06:57why did Father want you to remarry Vance?
07:00Before he left,
07:01Father had kept Mama
07:03on a tight leash.
07:04Wouldn't let her leave the village.
07:06Wouldn't let her look up
07:07when she passed a man.
07:09Grandma would curse her for it too.
07:11Said she was out there
07:12tempting people.
07:13Mama's bitter laugh
07:14stayed locked in her throat.
07:17Because
07:19Vance was the only one
07:20who could pay that much.
07:23She didn't finish.
07:25She didn't need to.
07:26Father had sent Mama here to die.
07:30Father had been planning
07:32to sell Mama
07:32even before he left.
07:34He knew he wasn't coming back.
07:36He made sure Mama
07:37would have nowhere left to go.
07:38I'd worked this out
07:39some time ago.
07:40Not because I was clever.
07:42They'd been obvious about it.
07:44The whole village talked.
07:45Not long after we arrived,
07:47Vance came back
07:48carrying armfuls
07:49of thick wooden boards.
07:50He disappeared
07:51into the empty west bedroom.
07:53Steady hammering rang out,
07:55one blow after another.
07:57Mama stood outside the door.
07:58She wanted to ask
08:00where the food stores were
08:01so she could start dinner.
08:02But she didn't dare.
08:04After a while,
08:05Vance came back out.
08:06He saw us both
08:07still standing there.
08:08He frowned.
08:09Something you need?
08:11His voice was rough.
08:12I flinched
08:13and nearly stepped back.
08:14But we were alone here,
08:16Mama and me.
08:17If I stepped back,
08:18she'd be standing by herself.
08:20I held my ground.
08:21I took Mama's hand
08:22and stood beside her.
08:24Vance noticed.
08:25Something shifted in his brow.
08:27Mama asked carefully.
08:29I want to ask.
08:31It's nearly dinner time.
08:33If you get the grain out,
08:34I can cook.
08:35You've worked hard all day.
08:36You should eat.
08:37Vance frowned harder.
08:38He looked us up and down
08:39like we'd said
08:40something strange.
08:41Then he pointed
08:42at the kitchen.
08:43In there.
08:47The key.
08:50Vance's frown deepened.
08:51He walked over
08:52and kicked the kitchen door open.
08:54He looked back at us.
08:56I had the feeling
08:57he was asking with his eyes
08:58whether we were simple.
09:00No lock.
09:01No key.
09:02Roy's kitchen was always locked.
09:04The grain.
09:05The oil.
09:06The salt.
09:06The eggs.
09:07Everything in locked cabinets.
09:09Grandma would measure out
09:10exactly what was needed
09:11for each meal,
09:12set it on the counter,
09:13then stand there
09:14watching Mama cook.
09:15Drop a single grain of rice.
09:18Get a lecture
09:18that lasted half a day.
09:20She called us
09:20starving ghosts.
09:22Said we never worked.
09:23Only ate.
09:24She was afraid
09:25we'd steal food.
09:26Mama and I
09:27stepped into the kitchen.
09:28Grain, oil, salt.
09:30All of it
09:30just sitting out
09:31in the open.
09:32Mama stood there
09:33for a long moment.
09:35She glanced toward Vance.
09:36He'd already gone back out.
09:38She was almost afraid
09:39to touch anything.
09:40She was afraid
09:41she'd cook it wrong
09:42and he'd come back
09:43angry.
09:44Beat her.
09:45Like Grandma.
09:46She was afraid
09:46of being accused
09:47of stealing.
09:50Eventually,
09:50Mama cooked.
09:52The food sat on the table.
09:53The two of us
09:54stood in the courtyard.
09:55Neither of us
09:56moved toward it.
09:57Vance came back
09:58carrying two large
09:59wicker baskets.
10:00He saw the food
10:01on the table.
10:02He saw us standing there.
10:03His frown deepened.
10:05He washed his hands.
10:06Sat down.
10:07Saw us still standing.
10:08He told us
10:09gruffly to sit.
10:10He scooped himself
10:11less than half
10:12a bowl of rice.
10:13Not enough food.
10:15Cook more tomorrow.
10:17He ate fast.
10:18Loud and efficient.
10:20Finished in minutes.
10:21But barely ate
10:22half of what was there.
10:24Done,
10:25he sat sharpening
10:25his woodcutting knife.
10:26Watching us eat.
10:28Mama hesitantly
10:29filled my bowl.
10:30We ate,
10:30both keeping our eyes
10:31on him.
10:32I noticed it quickly.
10:33When I ate fast,
10:34he looked away.
10:35When I slowed down
10:36and tried to set
10:37my chopsticks down,
10:38he frowned.
10:39He was telling me
10:39to keep eating.
10:41Mama and I finished
10:42every last bite.
10:43Then we sat waiting
10:44to be scolded
10:45or hit.
10:47Vance put the knife down.
10:48Wash up and get some sleep.
10:50You've worked enough today.
10:53Mama hurried
10:54to heat the water.
10:55She waited for Vance
10:57to finish washing.
10:58Then,
10:58after a moment,
11:00washed her own face
11:01and hands and feet.
11:02It's the first day.
11:05If I'm clean,
11:06he'll find less to resent.
11:08She muttered it
11:08while she scrubbed,
11:09eyes dim.
11:10I used her leftover
11:12warm water.
11:13The heat spread up
11:14through my hands and feet
11:15all at once.
11:16So this was what it felt like
11:17to wash with hot water.
11:19No wonder Grandma
11:20and Uncle Dale
11:21always demanded
11:22extra buckets in winter.
11:23I went to the woodshed
11:25for the night.
11:26Mama stopped me
11:26at the door.
11:27Cover your ears.
11:29No matter what you hear
11:30tonight,
11:31don't come out.
11:32Pretend you heard nothing.
11:34You understand?
11:35I nodded hard.
11:36I knew.
11:37Once,
11:38when Father was hurting Mama,
11:40I'd run in crying
11:41and begged him to stop.
11:42He'd kicked me so hard
11:44I ached for half a year.
11:45This time,
11:46I wouldn't make a sound.
11:47We both had to survive,
11:49stay alive,
11:50and there was still hope,
11:51even if I didn't yet know
11:52what that hope looked like.
11:55Then the woodshed door
11:57was kicked open.
11:58Vance stood in the doorway
11:59holding a lantern,
12:01staring at me
12:01where I lay in the straw.
12:03I shrank back.
12:05Cold sweat poured down my neck.
12:07Once,
12:08Father had come home
12:08half drunk
12:09in the middle of the night
12:10and walked into the woodshed.
12:12He beat me nearly to death.
12:13He said I was a burden.
12:15My fault he had no son.
12:16My fault he lost money gambling.
12:19That night,
12:20Mama grabbed the woodcutting knife
12:21and told him she'd take his life.
12:23That was the only thing
12:24that saved me.
12:25Vance was stronger.
12:27Could he put me down
12:28in three kicks?
12:29But he wasn't drunk.
12:30He wasn't angry.
12:31He reached down
12:32and grabbed me under the arms
12:34like he was picking up
12:35a stray chick.
12:36He carried me
12:37into the west bedroom.
12:38Mama was already
12:39standing there quietly.
12:40The empty room
12:41wasn't empty anymore.
12:42A wide wooden bed
12:44stood against the wall.
12:45Worn,
12:46but tidy.
12:47Vance set me down.
12:48He turned
12:49and walked back
12:50to his own east bedroom.
12:51The door closed.
12:52Within minutes,
12:53his snoring came through the wall.
12:55Mama and I
12:56stared at each other.
12:59That night,
13:00we slept restlessly.
13:01But we slept warm.
13:02I burrowed into the quilt
13:03and said quietly,
13:05Mama,
13:06it's so warm.
13:07I had never been
13:08this warm in winter.
13:09Not once.
13:10And I'd eaten dinner.
13:11My stomach was full.
13:13This, I thought,
13:14was what being alive
13:15was actually supposed
13:15to feel like.
13:17Mama stroked my hair.
13:18Little one.
13:19You called him Papa today.
13:21Do it again tomorrow.
13:23Keep calling him that.
13:25Okay.
13:26Vance was already
13:27a better father
13:28than Roy had ever been.
13:30The meals got bigger
13:31after that,
13:32and slowly,
13:32Mama didn't dare
13:33increase the amount
13:34all at once.
13:35She added a little each day
13:36until she finally
13:37understood his appetite.
13:39He ate a great deal.
13:41Roughly as much
13:42as Mama and I
13:42put together.
13:43But he never once
13:44stopped us from eating.
13:45If we ate too little,
13:47he'd frown.
13:48He hunted.
13:49Large catches,
13:49he sold.
13:50Sometimes he'd bring back
13:52a rabbit or a wild chicken,
13:53and he'd have Mama
13:54stew it.
13:55He ate half.
13:56The rest went to us.
13:58I had eaten meat
13:59three times in my life
14:00before that.
14:01This was the fourth.
14:02It was so good.
14:04No wonder Grandma
14:05and Uncle Dale
14:05had always been
14:06so desperate for it.
14:07Mama saved
14:08the extra pieces for me.
14:09I ate without thinking,
14:11too happy
14:11to pace myself.
14:12That night,
14:13I woke in the dark
14:14with my stomach
14:15seizing up in cramps.
14:17I rolled across the bed
14:18in pain.
14:19Mama rubbed my belly.
14:21It didn't help.
14:22She ran outside
14:23and scraped ash
14:24from the bottom
14:24of the cooking pot,
14:25stirred it into water,
14:27and brought it to me.
14:28I took one sip
14:29and vomited everything up.
14:33Vance burst through the door.
14:34One look at me.
14:35He wrapped me in the quilt,
14:36hoisted me onto his shoulder,
14:37and ran.
14:38Mama stumbled after him.
14:39She didn't say a word.
14:41He ran all the way
14:41to the village doctor's house
14:43at the edge of the road
14:43and kicked the door in.
14:45The whole household
14:45lurched awake.
14:46They started to complain.
14:47Then they saw his face
14:49and went quiet.
14:50The doctor checked my pulse,
14:52then asked what I'd been eating.
14:53What did she eat?
14:54Ova-aid.
14:56Indigestion.
14:56Nell's been underfed
14:57all her life.
14:58Eat this much meat at once
14:59and her stomach can't manage it.
15:01She'll be fine.
15:02I'll give her something
15:03to bring it up.
15:04Keep her warm,
15:05light food for a few days.
15:06She'll recover.
15:07She gave me something.
15:08I vomited,
15:09loudly and at length.
15:11The smell filled the whole room.
15:13The doctor's husband
15:13muttered from the corner.
15:15Never had good food
15:16her whole life.
15:17Body can't handle it
15:18when she finally does.
15:19Vance looked at him.
15:20One hard stare.
15:22He retreated to the back room.
15:23I was humiliated,
15:25getting sick
15:26from eating too much meat.
15:27Just like Grandma
15:28had always said,
15:29I was a bottomless pit
15:31with no sense.
15:34Vance carried me home
15:35over his shoulder.
15:36On the way back,
15:37he said gruffly,
15:38You've really never
15:39had meat before?
15:40I thought he was scolding me.
15:43This was only the fourth time
15:45before we only ever
15:48got a piece or two.
15:49Grandma had never
15:50let us have even the broth.
15:52He made a low sound.
15:54Eat more often enough,
15:55and this stops happening.
15:57I was wrapped too tight
15:58in the quilt
15:58and didn't quite catch it.
16:00The next few days,
16:01I could only drink porridge.
16:03Vance brought back millet.
16:05He brought back brown sugar.
16:07Millet and brown sugar
16:08were things only new mothers
16:10got after childbirth.
16:11A bowl or two,
16:12a little sweetness
16:13stirred in.
16:15I was getting a full bowl
16:16at every single meal.
16:18I was eating better
16:19than Mama had
16:20after giving birth to me.
16:22Vance watched me eat
16:23every morning
16:24until the color
16:25came back to my face.
16:26When it did,
16:27something in his own expression
16:29finally loosened.
16:32He fixed the village doctor's
16:33front gate
16:34as payment
16:34for the house call.
16:35Then he pulled the doctor back
16:37to check my pulse again.
16:39Only when she said
16:40I was fully recovered
16:41did he walk her out.
16:43He said he was going up the mountain
16:44to track a big animal.
16:46Might be gone several days.
16:48He told Mama
16:49to bake a stack of flatbreads
16:50for the road.
16:51Mama kneaded the dough
16:52with lard
16:53and mixed in brown sugar.
16:54The flatbreads came out
16:56golden and fragrant.
16:57She pressed into his hands
16:59the thick insoles
17:00and padded cap
17:00she'd sewn
17:01over the past few days.
17:02Vance took the flatbreads.
17:04He looked at the insoles
17:05and the cap.
17:06He looked up at Mama.
17:07Something in his eyes
17:08went soft.
17:09New year's coming.
17:10When I sell what I catch
17:12we'll go buy supplies.
17:13Think about what you want.
17:15Mama held my hand
17:16as we stood at the door
17:17to see him off.
17:19His figure moved away from us
17:20uneven
17:21but steady.
17:22I couldn't help
17:23shouting after him.
17:25Papa!
17:26Come home soon!
17:27Vance stopped.
17:28He didn't look back.
17:30He lifted a hand
17:31in our direction.
17:32Go inside.
17:32It's cold.
17:35We waited five days.
17:37He didn't come back.
17:38The cold deepened.
17:40On the fifth day
17:41snow began to fall.
17:42Mama watched the sky
17:44go dark.
17:44She looked at me.
17:46She pointed to the food stores
17:47and told me to mind myself.
17:49Cook my own meals
17:50if I got hungry.
17:51Mama's going to find him.
17:53I'll be back soon.
17:55Take care of yourself.
17:57She changed her clothes
17:58and strapped the wood
17:59cutting knife to her body.
18:01She found the oil lamp.
18:02I tucked a small sickle
18:04under my clothes
18:04and followed her out.
18:06Wherever you go,
18:08I go.
18:08We'll bring Papa home together.
18:11Vance was my Papa now.
18:12He was a better Papa
18:13than Roy had ever been.
18:15I was never going
18:16to have a different one.
18:17Mama let out a long breath.
18:19If something goes wrong out there,
18:21you standing alone
18:22in this house
18:22isn't any safer.
18:24All right?
18:25Together.
18:26We held hands
18:27and went up the mountain.
18:29We'd only ever been
18:29to the edges
18:30gathering firewood.
18:32We almost never
18:33went deeper in.
18:34Wolves in the air.
18:35Wild boars.
18:36Tigers.
18:37Though with Mama beside me
18:38and the thought of Papa
18:39waiting somewhere in that cold,
18:41I wasn't afraid.
18:43The snow came down harder.
18:45It was barely past midday,
18:47but the sky had gone dark.
18:49Moving through the forest
18:50was difficult.
18:51Every step was uncertain.
18:53You'd break through a soft patch
18:54and sink to the knee.
18:56Mama pulled me out each time
18:57and prodded the ground ahead
18:59with a stick.
19:00We hadn't gone far
19:01when we heard heavy footsteps
19:02in the trees.
19:03Mama raised the woodcutting knife.
19:05I raised the sickle.
19:06We stared into the dark ahead,
19:08both terrified.
19:09If we were going to die out here,
19:11at least we'd die together.
19:12The footsteps came closer.
19:14A large figure emerged
19:15from between the trees.
19:16A tall man with a stiff,
19:18lopsided gait
19:19dragging something massive
19:20behind him.
19:21A tiger.
19:22We stared.
19:24He stared back.
19:25I let go of Mama's hand
19:26and ran.
19:28I threw my arms around his leg
19:30and looked up.
19:31The tiger dropped from his grip
19:33and hit the snow.
19:34He looked down at me,
19:35then up at Mama.
19:36What are the two of you
19:37doing up here?
19:37He reached down
19:39and grabbed me under the arms,
19:40trying to lift me.
19:42His hands had nothing left.
19:44He couldn't manage it.
19:45I held onto his leg.
19:46He came to find you.
19:48I've been gone five days.
19:49The snow started.
19:51I was afraid.
19:54The last time she'd gone out
19:56searching for a man
19:57who hadn't come home,
19:58she'd told Roy
19:59she was worried he'd been hurt.
20:00He'd slapped her across the face,
20:03said she was cursing him,
20:04said her worrying was the reason
20:05all his bad luck found him.
20:07After that,
20:08she stopped saying
20:08she worried about Roy.
20:10She stopped worrying
20:11about Roy at all.
20:12Vance looked at her.
20:13The corner of his mouth moved.
20:15He wanted to smile.
20:16Years of not smiling
20:18seemed to have made him
20:19forget how.
20:20But he explained,
20:20This one was big.
20:21It took longer than I thought.
20:24Get the fire going.
20:25Start dinner.
20:26A tiger that size.
20:28He must have been dragging it for hours.
20:30He was running on empty,
20:32but he didn't ask for help.
20:34He would get it home himself.
20:35Mama stood watching him torn.
20:37She didn't dare disobey,
20:39but she wanted to help.
20:40I ran forward
20:41and grabbed one of the tiger's hind legs.
20:44Papa,
20:46we'll all go back together.
20:48I wasn't very strong,
20:50and touching that leg,
20:51even a dead leg,
20:52sent a chill through me
20:53that had nothing to do with the snow.
20:56The tiger was enormous.
20:57Dead as it was,
20:58it still looked vicious.
21:00Mama hesitated.
21:01Then she stepped up
21:02beside us.
21:05Vance's mouth twitched.
21:06He agreed.
21:10The three of us
21:11dragged the tiger back home.
21:12By the time we reached the village,
21:14the snow lay thick on the ground.
21:16The whole village was dark,
21:18the lanes empty.
21:19We made it inside at last.
21:21The tiger lay in the yard,
21:23half buried in white,
21:25still looking dangerous.
21:26I wasn't afraid of it anymore.
21:28I circled it a few times
21:29just to prove it,
21:30then ran back
21:31and pressed myself
21:32against Papa's leg.
21:34Papa's so strong,
21:35he killed a tiger
21:36all by himself.
21:38Vance was too exhausted to move,
21:40but he reached down
21:42and rested his hand
21:43on top of my head.
21:45His hand was huge
21:46and rough and heavy,
21:48but when it rested on my head,
21:50it was light,
21:51it was warm.
21:52Roy had large hands too.
21:54They'd never been rough.
21:56He rarely did anything
21:57that required effort.
21:58He wasn't very strong either.
22:00Every time he'd pick a fight
22:02and come out worse,
22:04he'd curled up on the ground
22:05and hadn't even tried
22:06to fight back.
22:07But when he hit Mama and me,
22:09he hit hard.
22:10In this village,
22:11most men were like that.
22:13Hands that fell hard
22:14on their wives and children.
22:15I had always thought
22:16all fathers were the same.
22:18Turns out some of them
22:19were different.
22:23The next morning before dawn,
22:25Vance fetched an ox cart.
22:27He woke us up
22:28and we rode into town together
22:30to sell the tiger.
22:31In the county seat,
22:32he went straight to a large estate
22:34he clearly knew well.
22:35He called someone out.
22:36Fletcher!
22:37Fletcher came to the door.
22:38His face lit up
22:39when he saw Vance.
22:41The two men grabbed each other
22:42by the shoulders,
22:43talking like old friends,
22:44so Papa could be like this,
22:46animated, warm, full of words.
22:49Mama and I hung back,
22:51staring at the tall, heavy doors,
22:53the high threshold,
22:54the stone lions flanking the gate.
22:56We didn't dare step forward.
22:59Vance looked back at us
23:00and said something to Fletcher.
23:01Fletcher studied us,
23:02then reached into his coat
23:04and pulled out a small cloth pouch.
23:06Here, child.
23:08Take it.
23:09I didn't dare.
23:09He pressed it into my hands.
23:11Papa nodded.
23:12I took it.
23:17Thank you, Uncle Fletcher.
23:19Inside the pouch
23:19was a small piece of silver.
23:21I walked it over to Papa.
23:23Papa!
23:23And tucked it into his hands.
23:25For you.
23:25Fletcher blinked.
23:26Then he laughed,
23:27loud and warm.
23:28Well, old Vance,
23:30you've got yourself
23:31a devoted little girl.
23:32You're a lucky man.
23:34That one's for your Papa.
23:36This one's yours.
23:38Keep it.
23:39Fletcher bought the tiger
23:40and invited Vance
23:41to stay for drinks.
23:42Vance shook his head.
23:43Nothing at home.
23:44Need to stock up for New Year.
23:46Next time, then,
23:47and you'd better actually show up.
23:50The tiger had sold for a good sum.
23:53Vance walked us through the market.
23:54First, a wonton stall for breakfast.
23:57A big bowl each.
23:58Thin wrappers, fat filling.
24:00Floating in rich broth
24:01that steamed in the cold air.
24:03Mama was afraid to eat,
24:04but Vance had already paid.
24:06Wasting it was worse.
24:07She tried to give me her bowl.
24:09Vance stopped her.
24:10Children who overeat
24:11end up with stomach aches.
24:13Mama thought of my illness immediately.
24:14She stopped.
24:16After the wontons,
24:17her face had some color in it.
24:19Vance took us to buy pork,
24:20grain, flour, oil,
24:22dried spices for cooking,
24:24then to the cloth shop,
24:25new quilts,
24:26and padded coats.
24:27Mama waved her hands.
24:29The ones we have are perfectly fine.
24:31I said the same.
24:32When we'd first arrived,
24:34the quilts and padded clothes
24:35Vance gave us
24:36had been secondhand,
24:37but they were clean and warm.
24:38That was already more
24:40than I'd ever had.
24:42Before,
24:43I had no silver.
24:44I bought used.
24:46Now I have silver.
24:48We buy new.
24:49In the end,
24:50they didn't buy ready-made.
24:51They bought fabric
24:52and cotton batting.
24:53Mama still didn't want
24:54to spend too freely.
24:56I can sew.
24:57My hands are fast.
24:58Done before New Year,
24:59I promise.
25:00She found a length
25:01of dark blue cloth
25:02and held it up
25:02beside Vance.
25:04This one suits you.
25:05It was the closest
25:06they'd ever stood.
25:07I was almost sure
25:09I saw Vance's face go red.
25:13His face went red
25:14and he looked happier.
25:16He lifted me up
25:17and set me on his shoulders
25:18so I could see
25:19all the way down
25:19the market road.
25:20I laughed so hard
25:21I could barely breathe.
25:23It was the highest
25:23I'd ever been.
25:24I could see everything.
25:26Mama walked carefully
25:27beside us,
25:28glancing again and again
25:30at his leg,
25:31afraid he'd tire himself
25:32out.
25:33Further along,
25:34Vance bought sesame candy
25:36and sugar figurines.
25:37He bought hair ribbons
25:39and flowers
25:39for Mama and me both.
25:41The stall woman
25:42smiled at them.
25:43Your wife and daughter
25:44are lovely.
25:45These flowers suit them
25:46perfectly.
25:47City made, you know?
25:48Vance and Mama both
25:49went red at exactly
25:50the same moment.
25:51On the way home,
25:52I sat in the ox cart
25:53holding my sugar figurine
25:54and refused to eat it.
25:56It was a general
25:57in full armor,
25:58fierce looking,
25:59just like Papa.
26:00We passed Roy's
26:01old house
26:02on the road
26:02through the village.
26:03Grandma was in the yard
26:04washing clothes
26:05in hot water
26:06so she'd always known
26:08about hot water.
26:09Uncle Dale sat slumped
26:10under the eaves
26:11doing nothing.
26:12They'd sold Mama and me
26:13for 30 silver.
26:15Dale still hadn't
26:16found himself a wife
26:17with that money.
26:18He just sat around
26:19and called it
26:20waiting for a good match.
26:21Grandma looked up.
26:22Uncle Dale looked up.
26:24They stared at us,
26:25slack-jawed,
26:26and their faces
26:27turned other.
26:29Worthless brat.
26:31Haral it.
26:33The curse had barely
26:35left Grandma's mouth
26:36when a rock hit
26:37Uncle Dale square
26:37on the head.
26:39Who threw?
26:39Vance threw a second rock.
26:41It landed straight
26:42in Grandma's washtub
26:43and sent water
26:43splashing in all directions.
26:45These are my wife
26:45and daughter.
26:46Open your mouths
26:47against them again
26:48and you've got me
26:49to answer to.
26:50He stood at the gate
26:51in the fading light.
26:52Even with the bad leg,
26:53he was a wall.
26:54Grandma and Uncle Dale,
26:55bullies who ran
26:56at the first sign
26:57of real resistance,
26:58went completely silent.
27:00Mama's hand found mine.
27:02Her eyes had gone red.
27:03We rode on.
27:04When I looked back,
27:05I could still see
27:06the venom in their faces.
27:08Then I found my nerve.
27:09I raised my sugar figurine
27:11at them
27:12and made the ugliest face
27:13I could manage.
27:14I had a real papa now.
27:16They couldn't touch us anymore.
27:20I lost my sugar figurine
27:22and my new hair ribbon.
27:24I was too ashamed
27:25to go home.
27:26I hovered near our gate,
27:28going back and forth,
27:30not able to make myself
27:31walk in.
27:32Papa came down
27:33from the mountain.
27:34He saw me,
27:35coat torn,
27:36face bleeding,
27:37covered in mud.
27:39He dropped his firewood,
27:41dropped the wild chickens
27:42he'd been carrying.
27:43Who did this?
27:44I'd never seen him
27:45this frightened.
27:46It scared me more
27:48than the beating.
27:49I started shaking.
27:50I'm sorry.
27:51I'm sorry.
27:52He crouched down.
27:54He wiped the mud
27:54off my face
27:55with his rough hands.
27:56His hands weren't steady.
27:58Tell papa
28:00who did it.
28:01His voice steadied me.
28:03I told him everything,
28:05halting,
28:05stumbling over the words.
28:07With every sentence,
28:08his expression darkened.
28:10He took me inside
28:11and handed me to Mama.
28:12Then he picked up
28:13his walking stick
28:13and walked back out.
28:15Mama grabbed his arm.
28:16She shook her head.
28:18Papa thought about it.
28:19He picked up
28:20the thick wooden post
28:21that braced the door shut.
28:23That afternoon,
28:24the fathers of every boy
28:25who'd hit me got beaten.
28:26I won't hit a child.
28:27I'll hit you.
28:29One more incident
28:30and I'll break your legs.
28:34Every one of them
28:35was a grown,
28:36able-bodied man.
28:37Papa had one good leg.
28:39He chased them
28:40through the village anyway,
28:41one methodical blow
28:43at a time.
28:44Then Papa went to
28:45Roy's old house
28:46and beat Uncle Dale
28:47in front of the whole street.
28:49You people forced Ivy
28:50and this girl on me.
28:51I painted the silver.
28:52I signed the contract.
28:53They're mine.
28:53If I hear any more talk
28:54from your side of the village,
28:55Dale should stop
28:56walking alone after dark.
28:57Uncle Dale howled
28:58and promised over and over
29:01that it would never
29:02happen again.
29:03Anyone with something to say,
29:05say it to me directly.
29:07Not one person
29:08stepped forward.
29:09Several hurried
29:10to point out
29:11that Grandma's family
29:12had always treated
29:13Ivy and me badly.
29:15It's true.
29:16Ivy and little Nell
29:17are well off with you,
29:18old Vanch.
29:18You know how to
29:19take care of people.
29:20Those two are lucky
29:21they ended up with you.
29:22Papa walked home
29:23carrying the doorpost.
29:24He stopped in front of me
29:25and rested his hand
29:27on my head.
29:28He held my hand
29:29and walked me inside.
29:30In the lane,
29:31he said quietly,
29:32Who gave you
29:33that name anyway?
29:34Nell?
29:35It was Grandma's choice.
29:37Half the girls
29:38in the village
29:38had names like it.
29:39Nell,
29:40for invite a brother.
29:41Hope,
29:42for wish for a son.
29:43Bless,
29:44for pray he comes.
29:45Papa didn't like it.
29:46How about Clara
29:47from now on?
29:48Bright as the sun and moon,
29:49that's what Clara means.
29:50A name for someone
29:51with a future ahead of her.
29:55I was six years old
29:56and had my first real name.
29:58Clara.
29:59Clara Heart.
30:01A heart now?
30:02I told Mama,
30:03grinning.
30:03She laughed through red eyes,
30:05pressing the tears back.
30:06Papa said it twice,
30:08softly to himself.
30:09Clara Heart.
30:10Clara Heart.
30:11That night,
30:12Mama finished sewing
30:13the new quilts.
30:14She came to me
30:15with them folded
30:15in her arms.
30:17Clara,
30:19you're a big girl now.
30:20Time to sleep
30:21in your own room.
30:23Alright?
30:24Her own room.
30:24If I moved out,
30:25where would Mama sleep?
30:26I thought about it
30:27for one second.
30:28Yes.
30:29Mama,
30:30you and Papa
30:30should hurry up
30:31and have a little brother
30:32or sister for me.
30:34I'll take care of them.
30:35I meant it.
30:36A little brother
30:37or sister
30:38who had Papa.
30:39They'd be wonderful.
30:40I already wanted
30:40to meet them.
30:41The next morning,
30:42Papa woke me at dawn.
30:44Clara,
30:44yesterday,
30:45was Papa impressive?
30:47Very impressive.
30:48You can't rely on me
30:49your whole life.
30:49You need to protect yourself.
30:51Do you want to be
30:51as strong as Papa?
30:52Yes.
30:55I wanted to be strong enough
30:56to protect Papa and Mama,
30:58the future little ones,
30:59to hunt on the mountain
31:00and earn enough silver
31:01to take care of all of them.
31:03Papa was pleased.
31:04He pointed at the yard.
31:05Run 50 laps to start.
31:0750 laps.
31:09By the end,
31:10I could barely stand.
31:11He didn't let me stop.
31:13Mama watched with pained eyes.
31:15She said nothing.
31:16After running,
31:17came stances.
31:18And lifting the stone block,
31:20Papa had brought back
31:21from the mountain.
31:22It was just heavy enough
31:23that I could manage it
31:24on a good day.
31:25By evening,
31:26my hands and feet
31:27were covered in blisters.
31:29Train hard.
31:30Your Papa means it
31:31for your good.
31:32I know, Mama.
31:34I understood
31:34what Papa's care looked like.
31:36That night,
31:37Mama carried her new quilt
31:38into Papa's bedroom.
31:40They talked quietly for a while.
31:42The lamp went out.
31:43The night was noisy for a bit.
31:45I slept soundly
31:46in my new quilts anyway.
31:48The next day,
31:49Papa woke up late.
31:50I'd already run
31:5130 laps around the yard
31:52by the time he appeared
31:53at the door.
31:54All day,
31:55he and Mama kept
31:56catching each other's eyes
31:57and looking away fast,
31:58both of them red-faced,
32:00both of them smiling
32:01at nothing.
32:02If you want to look,
32:04just look.
32:05Why the sneaking?
32:06Adults were very strange.
32:11After New Year,
32:12Papa bought several acres
32:13of good farmland
32:14with the tiger money.
32:16He farmed in the busy seasons
32:17and hunted in the quiet ones.
32:20He was teaching me
32:21how to track animals,
32:22how to read droppings
32:23and prints,
32:24which sounds meant danger.
32:25He taught me the knife
32:26and the bow,
32:27how to put a person down
32:28using as little force
32:29as possible.
32:30My strength was still limited.
32:32Progress was slow.
32:34The village gossiped.
32:35Most of it came
32:36from Roy's old household.
32:38That cripple got a wife
32:39and a daughter
32:40handed to him for nothing.
32:41It doesn't matter
32:42how smug Ivy acts.
32:43She still ended up
32:44with a cripple.
32:45Roy was twice as handsome.
32:48Roy had been handsome.
32:49Much good it had done anyone.
32:51He couldn't carry a load
32:52or plant a field.
32:53He was a farmer
32:54who refused to farm.
32:55His greatest skill
32:56was hitting the people
32:57who lived in his house.
33:00I glanced at Papa's leg.
33:02He noticed.
33:03He adjusted his gait
33:04and walked more carefully
33:06than before.
33:07Mama caught me looking.
33:08She smacked the back of my head
33:10the moment we were alone.
33:11Your Papa has been
33:12nothing but good to us, Clara.
33:13Don't you dare look at him
33:15the way this village does.
33:16Don't you dare.
33:17Mama,
33:18I want to study medicine.
33:20If I'm good enough someday,
33:21maybe I can fix Papa's leg.
33:23I didn't care about the limp.
33:24I didn't care about the scar.
33:26I just didn't want him
33:27to hurt on rainy days.
33:28I didn't want him
33:29working through the pain
33:30and never saying
33:31a word about it.
33:32Mama's expression shifted.
33:33She worried.
33:34Female apprentices
33:35were hard to place.
33:37Most healers
33:37wouldn't take them,
33:38but Papa had been standing
33:39just outside the door.
33:41He went quiet
33:42for two days.
33:43Then he took me
33:44back into town
33:45to Fletcher
33:46at the large estate.
33:47Fletcher looked me over
33:48for a long moment.
33:50Medicine is hard work, Clara.
33:51An apprentice life is harder.
33:53Can you take it?
33:54I can.
33:54And when I've learned enough,
33:56I'll fix Papa's leg.
33:57Then I'll earn enough silver
33:58to take care of all of them,
33:59Papa and Mama
34:00and my little brothers and sisters.
34:02Brothers and sisters?
34:03Is there news already?
34:04Papa went scarlet
34:06and said it was
34:06far too early for that.
34:07Far too early.
34:10I moved into the county seat
34:12and began my apprenticeship
34:13at the clinic.
34:15I only asked to bring
34:16one thing from home,
34:17my stone lifting block
34:19for training.
34:20Mama couldn't make herself leave.
34:22She stood at the clinic door
34:23and wouldn't move.
34:24I waved her off.
34:26Mama,
34:28come back when I've made
34:29something of myself.
34:30She laughed despite herself.
34:33All right.
34:34Mama's waiting.
34:36The clinic's doctor
34:37was warm and patient
34:38with patience.
34:39With her apprentices,
34:40she was merciless,
34:41too slow to learn.
34:43She scolded you.
34:44Made an error.
34:45She scolded you.
34:47Sometimes she hit.
34:49Some of the younger apprentices
34:50cried and went home
34:51within weeks.
34:52I wasn't troubled
34:53by any of it.
34:54She only ever struck
34:55the padded parts of the body.
34:56The force was calibrated.
34:58Sharp on impact.
34:59No lasting harm.
35:00Compared to Roy's household,
35:02this was nothing.
35:03And when the doctor scolded us,
35:05I recognized that look.
35:06It wasn't hatred.
35:07It was impatience
35:08born from caring.
35:09She also made sure we ate.
35:11Every meal,
35:13every day,
35:13without exception.
35:14She never once
35:15stinted on food or clothing.
35:18I could tell the difference
35:20between people
35:21who meant you harm
35:22and people who were hard on you
35:23for a reason.
35:25I kept lifting my stone block.
35:27I kept practicing
35:28the fighting forms
35:29Papa had taught me.
35:30My grip got stronger.
35:32When I started learning massage
35:33and manipulation
35:34from the doctor,
35:35I was already ahead
35:36of the others.
35:37I could feel exactly
35:38where the tension sat
35:39under the skin.
35:40I worked on her shoulders
35:42when she'd had a long day.
35:44She started looking
35:44less grim.
35:45Every two weeks,
35:47I went home.
35:47First thing,
35:48Papa's bad leg.
35:49He refused at first.
35:51Twisted around in his seat
35:52like I'd suggested
35:53something embarrassing.
35:54A few minutes in,
35:55his eyes went red.
35:56When he stood up afterward,
35:58he walked without
35:59catching himself
36:00on the door frame.
36:01Clara's got good.
36:03Learning fast.
36:04Mama asked me to teach her.
36:06When you're in the city,
36:06I can work on it for him.
36:08He pushes himself too hard.
36:09I walk them both
36:10through it side by side.
36:12When I'm not here,
36:13you can do it for each other.
36:15They both turned red
36:16at exactly the same time.
36:17Adults,
36:18truly inexplicable.
36:18Inexplicable.
36:20Inexplicable.
36:50Inexplicable.
36:51Inexplicable.
36:53Inexplicable.
36:54Inexplicable.
37:00Inexplicable.
37:03Inexplicable.
37:04Inexplicable.
37:06Inexplicable.
37:07Inexplicable.
37:07Inexplicable.
37:08Inexplicable.
37:08Inexplicable.
37:36Gracias por ver el video.
38:05Gracias por ver el video.
38:23Gracias por ver el video.
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