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00:03cheers to us moving in together what a huge step in our relationship go us cheers we should go
00:12camping this weekend camping i'd rather headbutt a nail you expect me to shit in a bucket camping
00:20isn't for me it's for straight men who secretly want to broke back mountain each other but i just
00:26i can't sleep uncomfortably sorry i have an air mattress don't say it just don't say it please
00:33don't say it don't say it and you know the air mattress is actually more comfortable than your bed
00:41you have to move out give me that take your shit and go
00:47should have fucked your sister when i had the opportunity
01:11stop it if you want hi make some noise who's got kids listen now you know you know when you're
01:19packing the kids those kids will make friends and you know how it works when those kids make
01:24friends you the parents must then be friends with those kids parents that's how it works you don't
01:30choose your own friends your kids now do it for you that's how mum groups start it's called the
01:35seventh circle of hell okay and especially if your kids are like my kids my kids have terrible taste in
01:42friends they never pick the kids who has a hot tub or a pool at home no they become friends
01:49with a
01:49kids whose mom shows up at school in the little bike shorts with a pajama shirt that still says big
01:55spoon on it with no bra smoking at the school gate where it says do not smoke and then she's
02:04like
02:04you want a dad no no i'm all right and then when the kids start coming out she's like stacy
02:11get in the
02:12car honestly the worst thing like if you're sitting here maybe you go should we have kids i want you
02:20to
02:20think about that the friends that they'll make and all the other mums at school because at the
02:25minute you look at your partner you go we will have the cutest little babies but you're not thinking
02:30about all those other mums that you have to talk to at school and that'll take all of your patience
02:35and that's why mums always yell at their kids because they're saving the patience for the other
02:40mums there's this one mum at my kids school she's this little bird-like creature and she always wears
02:46a t-shirt and on it it says protect your kids from the gay agenda i know and i'm so
02:52confused with the
02:54like i don't even understand what is the gay agenda that you're scared we're spreading like
02:59we're not the ones going door to door you will never in your life hear a knock on your door
03:08and open the door and there's a whole clitoris of lesbians in front of your door
03:14have you heard the great news you can eat pussy for six hours a night
03:22we don't need to do that our work speaks for itself it's called word of mouth
03:32it's true your day
03:42hello janine afternoon see you tomorrow
03:54have a great day darling love you bye bye mummy loves you have a good day buddy
04:03hello janine hello urshula what a nice day we're having
04:09a nice day we're too hot actually
04:15i'd go home enjoy the rest of this sunny day
04:37hello urshula
04:42hello janine
04:52plans for the weekend
04:58kids soccer game
05:01you
05:04lunch with the in-laws
05:07lunch with the in-laws
05:33I don't know.
05:43Hi ladies.
05:45Everything all right?
06:13I think it's so rude.
06:19At the end, I needed five skitches.
06:22You were crazy, Lucy.
06:24Me crazy?
06:25I don't think so.
06:26You should ask her what she does with the yoga.
06:28Tell her.
06:29Don't get me into this thing.
06:31All right.
06:31So when we have yoga, I peel the lid off
06:33and I always lick the yoga
06:35because, you know, it's my yoga.
06:37You're such a weirdo.
06:39Okay, guys, if we're sharing our weird thing,
06:41I actually collect stuffed teddy bears.
06:43Okay, that's crazy.
06:45You're nuts.
06:46You're nuts.
06:47I speak to our cat like she's our daughter.
06:49Oh, all right, cuckoo, Magoo.
06:53I shit in the shower.
06:55What?
06:57Hmm?
06:58What did you say?
06:59I, uh, I sometimes eat cereal for dinner.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Yeah, and sometimes I have pasta for breakfast.
07:08Oh, that is wild.
07:10I occasionally talk to my food.
07:12I was like, get in me, get in me.
07:14She does do that.
07:15It's so cute.
07:17Yeah, I put her in the shower.
07:21Yeah, no, I definitely heard that one.
07:23Yeah, yeah, I heard that.
07:26Look, we're all saying the crazy stuff we do.
07:29I mean, Lucy, she sings songs about her house chores.
07:34I do do that.
07:35I do.
07:36Don't I?
07:37Yeah, and, you know, I make up little dances in the lounge.
07:40That's it.
07:41And I go in the shower and waffle stomp it down the drain.
07:45Is it waffle what now?
07:46Waffle stomp.
07:47If it's a hard one, I just stomp it through.
07:50Dude!
07:51That's not the same as our stuff.
07:53Ours are, like, weird and fun.
07:54Yeah, like, uh, I used to have a nipple ring.
07:57And I put strawberries up my bum.
07:59Oh, my God.
08:00Why?
08:00Because it makes the shower smell good while I'm waffle stomping.
08:04That is disgusting.
08:06It's the same.
08:06It is not the same thing.
08:09Look, I'm a kook just like you guys.
08:12I'm a classic kook.
08:13Hey, I'm a kook.
08:14No, no, no.
08:16We are classic, hey, kooks.
08:18You're cooked, mate.
08:19How did you not get bullied for this in high school?
08:22Oh, I was homeschooled, so I...
08:23Ah, OK, that actually checks out.
08:26Oh, yes.
08:26It's a homeschool thing.
08:27Did you know I was homeschooled as well?
08:29Really?
08:30So you...
08:31Waffle stomped?
08:31Yeah.
08:32No way, we wouldn't have done that.
08:34That is disgusting.
08:36We called it Bubble and Squeak.
08:39That's cute.
08:40That's cute.
08:41That's nice.
08:41How come it's cute when she says it?
08:43Shut up, you weirdo.
08:47Also, we are not playing hide and seek after this.
08:50I don't know what you're going to hide where.
08:52Give me that straw ball.
08:54You know when you go visit your parents, right, and your mum's just cooking, and you're sitting
08:58with your dad, and, you know, he's asking you to help with a computer, and then you're
09:02like, yeah, all right, and then your mum pops her head out, and she goes, hey, can you
09:07have a look at why the computer keeps...
09:08There's no history.
09:10Every time when I try to go back to my history, and you just look at your dad, and you
09:15go,
09:15you filthy bastard!
09:18But you're also proud that he knows how to wipe the history, so you don't have to do it?
09:30Good morning.
09:32Welcome to Computer Literacy for Seniors.
09:35I see you all have your laptops and iPad and whatever that is.
09:40So, you're going to have a little crash course, four weeks, and after that four weeks, you're
09:45going to be able to email your grandchildren, message your friends.
09:48Can I get a hell yeah?
09:49Yeah. Okay. How about we just open our computers?
09:54Oh, question. Graham, what is it?
09:57How do you delete Google history?
09:59Oh, that's a great question. We're going to tackle that in week three when we do online
10:04literacy, but for today, we're going to focus on Microsoft Windows, so... Oh, yeah.
10:09I'd like to know how to delete Yahoo history.
10:15And once we've done that, how do we delete Firefox Mozilla?
10:20All of that is basically the same thing.
10:22It is cookie history the same as computer history.
10:26And what's this about incognito mode I keep hearing about?
10:31Oh, okay.
10:32Just so I know, who's only here to find out how to delete the porn off their computers?
10:41Wow. So, you guys only use your computers for porn?
10:45No. I'm also a sugar daddy.
10:49Oh, me too.
10:50I use only fans?
10:54Well, I'm only gross now.
10:56That is, that is a lot.
10:58I mean, I was going to teach you how to email your grandkids and message your wives, but because
11:03if you perverts, I now have to go through this trauma.
11:05I will show you one time and one time only how to delete your search history.
11:10This is grim.
11:12Okay. Open your searches.
11:14Click on that so we can see what you've...
11:16Whoa. Okay.
11:17Okay. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's bad.
11:21Big boobs, bigger boobs, more boobs, please.
11:25That sounds nice.
11:27Well, please, he uses his manners.
11:29Uh, savaged maiden, the biggest bottom ever.
11:33You cried.
11:35All right, simmer down over there, Lenovo.
11:37I'm sure you've got way worse on your computer.
11:39Ah, your computer sucks.
11:42Hey, chill.
11:44You've got a TCL.
11:45That stands for the crappy lappy.
11:47Zip it.
11:47All right.
11:48Let me show you how to delete it.
11:50See there, just under see all.
11:52And then it says delete all.
11:53Delete it.
11:55There you go.
11:55It's gone.
11:56It's like it never happened.
11:58Let's cover actual computer stuff, shall we?
12:01Okay.
12:01So word processors work.
12:04Who's printing?
12:06Is that you?
12:11This is gross misuse of a printer.
12:14This is disgusting.
12:15You're going to want to eliminate that before you use it.
12:20That is too much.
12:21I quit.
12:22I quit.
12:23I'm going to go.
12:23Unless any of you have actual questions about computers.
12:28Yes.
12:28Who directed two girls in a cup?
12:31I'm going to leave.
12:32I cannot cope.
12:34Is this a buck plug?
12:39Some of the stuff I've bought online I'm proud of.
12:42Like I bought one of those little car vacuums that can blow and suck like your sister.
12:46And that thing's amazing.
12:50Can definitely recommend.
12:52But this stuff, you know, three o'clock in the morning that when you buy it, they promise
12:59they won't put any details on your credit card statement and it'll show up in a blank
13:04box at your house.
13:06Like I just recently bought a flashlight.
13:13Some of you don't know what that is because you're a pure heart.
13:17And I'm not going to explain it to you because this is on ABC.
13:22You're going to have to do the adult thing and go Google it.
13:26All I'm saying is I use it all the time, you know, because, you know, after adult time,
13:31you have the toys and you need like a little holster, if you will, or a little sheath so
13:40that when you're done, where can you put it that it fits perfect but a flashlight, you
13:45know, it fits so perfect.
13:47Even Jesus goes, that's what I meant for it to look like.
13:52When you pass away, it is your responsibility to get a friend that can go in and go clear
13:59out all your crap out of your house.
14:02You don't need your family to find that stuff.
14:05When your mum has to go in and go clean that stuff off, that's going to shave a lot of
14:10her sadness off when she has to find all of the filth that you have in your room.
14:17A big part of me, though, hope that I die before my sister so that she and her Christian heart
14:24can find the stuff and at least die one day with a smile on her face.
14:37I'm afraid she's gone.
14:48Team, it's go time.
14:49Client 114 just passed away.
14:51She's one of our longest, most premium clients.
14:53I personally signed her up and she was a good woman with a few quirks.
14:57T minus 12 minutes until her family get home.
14:59We need to clear out all the embarrassing shit before her family finds it.
15:04It's too tight, boss.
15:05We'll never make it.
15:06Get this done for her and for me.
15:09We're the reason people remember their loved ones as good people.
15:11We have to make it.
15:12Let's go!
15:17Go down!
15:19Go down!
15:31Dispose!
15:31Dispose!
15:32Dispose!
15:35The final package is secured.
15:37Let's move out.
15:38Nodier, I've just decrypted a fresh manifest with more items she didn't want anyone to know about.
15:43How many?
15:44There's a lot.
15:45She was a sick bitch.
15:50Yuck!
15:58Oh, that's disgusting.
16:01What is it?
16:02Poetry.
16:03Self-written.
16:05Burn it immediately.
16:06What a freak.
16:08They're nearly here.
16:09T minus two minutes.
16:12Smooth.
16:28She's getting sicker and sicker by the minute.
16:30Time is running out.
16:32Let's go, let's go!
16:36Have you cleared this room?
16:37I think so.
16:38Check behind that door.
16:40Other door, you dipshit.
16:46Oh, Gimp.
16:48How'd I miss that?
16:49All good.
16:50You're new.
16:51Get out of here, Gimp.
16:54God, it makes me miss my day.
16:56They're here!
16:57They're here!
16:58Move out, team!
17:03I think we got it all, boss.
17:05What about the sex robot?
17:06The manifest says there's a sex robot.
17:08There is no sex robot.
17:09We've got everything.
17:12Sex!
17:13Oh, my God.
17:14She was at the Wuhan wet market in 2019.
17:17She started COVID.
17:20Go, team!
17:21Move, move, move!
17:22Move!
17:25Move!
17:27Move!
17:31That was tight, but we pulled it off.
17:33Excellent work, team.
17:44I have to tell you this little nugget.
17:47The last time I went to the doctor for a smear, they gave me a thing, and I was like,
17:52okay?
17:52And they go, you can go in cubicle three.
17:55I go, are you coming?
17:57No, I feel like I'm courting the nurse.
18:00I'm like, do you want to come?
18:01And they go, no, it's a self-test.
18:03You get a self-test now.
18:05I'm like, listen, listen, I'm not ready for that.
18:11You should see me at the self-checkout in the supermarket.
18:14Oh, it's such a stressful thing when they go, use the self-checkout.
18:17I'm like, do I have to?
18:20Because I'm not smart for that kind of shit.
18:22You go, boop, and then it goes, wait for assistance.
18:25I'm like, why?
18:26What did I do?
18:28I'm so scared because you know that teenager, and they're always so angry.
18:32They come over and they go, you're not doing it right.
18:34And I go, listen, I'm sorry.
18:37I wasn't here when we got training.
18:42No wonder I'm so tired.
18:43I work this fucking job too.
18:47No wonder I don't think I should be trusted with a self-check for a smear.
18:52You know, now I'm just in there.
18:53I'm not sure what to do.
18:55And they go.
19:01Honestly, when they gave me that test, I said, doctor, have you ever seen me in the supermarket?
19:06I don't do self-serve.
19:09And it's not our fault.
19:11Women are bad at direction.
19:12It's not our fault.
19:14Do you know what?
19:15They've done studies, and when I say they, I mean me, that a woman will spend, on average,
19:20about 12 years of her adult life in a bathroom, looking at a panty liner going, which way is
19:27the front?
19:29Honestly, you'd think they can sort it out.
19:31They can make dudes' dicks harder than algebra, but they can't fix our panty liners.
19:41We did it, boys.
19:44And it's got everything a woman could want.
19:47Little gutter lines for extra absorbency.
19:49My bro's got to slow that flow for the hose.
19:51It's got extra strong glue, so it's going to stick to them sweet little panties.
19:56All day long.
19:59And most importantly, look on the back.
20:01Sick animal trivia.
20:04Straight up facts, baby.
20:07Yeah.
20:09Which side's the front?
20:11The front?
20:12What?
20:13Which side is the front?
20:15I can't tell which side's the front.
20:17Which is the...
20:17Yeah, come on, like, the...
20:19Did you see the facts on the back?
20:22Yeah.
20:22No one wants that.
20:23Come on.
20:24Uh, all right.
20:25Yeah.
20:25Okay.
20:26Yeah.
20:27There you go.
20:27S.
20:30Boom.
20:32Yeah, but F for front or for fanny?
20:35Because depending on which country you're in, that could be front bump or back bump.
20:39Doesn't matter.
20:40Doesn't matter.
20:40It'll fit either way.
20:42Oh, okay.
20:43No, you three seem to know your way around a pussy.
20:46Let me give it a hoon.
20:48Let me try it.
20:50No, no, hey.
20:51Don't you turn your back on me.
20:53You look at it.
20:54Look at it!
20:57Oh.
20:58Oh, yeah.
20:59Oh, yeah.
21:01The glue's too strong, it just ripped the gusset right out of it.
21:04That's got to be on you to a certain degree.
21:07Let's just...
21:09Oh, yeah.
21:09That's already ripped off about 50 pubes there.
21:16Oh, that is not comfortable.
21:19It's just got my labia.
21:20It's pulling at the labia.
21:22It's not supposed to do that.
21:25Oh, she's out.
21:26She's out.
21:27It's terrible.
21:28Can you say something good?
21:29Like, we worked on this really hard.
21:31I wish I could, but I just have nothing, because you're dumb as shit.
21:35Dumb as shit?
21:36If we're so dumb, how could we be revolutionising the women's razor?
21:42Check this out.
21:43Less blades, pretty blunt, but a soft pink handle.
21:48Yeah, because women don't have hair, so we made the blades unsharp.
21:52unsharp unsharp don't speak again okay uh well what about lady pants
22:01what about them well they're exactly like men's pants but they don't have pockets yeah
22:06but we want pockets well easily fixed we'll just sew some patches on yeah make it look like it's
22:11got pockets yes this is bullshit do morons actually believe that if you keep making the
22:17shit that doesn't work but you package it all nicely and pink with soft little handles
22:21that woman will keep buying it even though it doesn't work now she gets it yeah that's like it
22:30good point and we do like the trivia damn it you knew it man this is my love's trivia
22:40that's gonna leave a mark so what's next fellas let's try and make childbirth quieter
22:48this is why we brainstormed is it made to circle size a woman because i think it just did
22:57well well well i think what we've learned tonight is uh female products aren't that great but
23:02on the positive side my ass looks amazing in overalls i mean jesus christ look at that
23:10why don't you have a hoon at that while i walk off stage with my brand new panty liner in
23:17thank you
23:21can you just say something good like we worked on this really hard
23:25i don't know my lines so no i can't
23:27i mean i was gonna teach you guys how to you know message your grandparents
23:33grandparents grandparents dear jesus all right all right get the crypt open shut your mouth
23:43bulk shitter
23:51this one's really good for my hair
23:59it's torrential i'm like i might go home and enjoy the rest of the sunshine we're having
24:07we don't have a team
24:12typical two lesbians and a cat runs through
24:16you
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