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Watch Funny AF with Kevin Hart Season 1 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:08I've been all across the country looking for comedians who have just gotten it.
00:12This person is eventually going to become one of us.
00:15The next household man.
00:17I want to help spark the next person of funny.
00:21And after inviting the funniest to Los Angeles,
00:24say your goodbyes and your congrats and everything,
00:26to the 10 that go, congrats on getting to the next time.
00:30Okay?
00:35We're down to just 10.
00:42Or so we thought.
00:45What's going on, Andrea? Talk to me.
00:47I'm quitting the show.
00:49I'm like, are you sure?
00:53And now for the top 10.
00:54It's getting serious.
00:56There's a life changing Netflix comedy special on the line.
00:59So I brought the comics back to L.A. to take on a comedy classic.
01:02A celebrity roast.
01:08Dude, we're here.
01:09It's so cool.
01:10Oh my goodness.
01:11Wow, this is gorgeous.
01:15Wait, Winston got married.
01:16I did.
01:18Yes.
01:19She was like, if you don't make the top 10, the wedding's off.
01:24Oh, Steve, how your wedding prep going?
01:27It's still up in the air right now.
01:28What happened?
01:29Y'all pushed it back?
01:30Yeah, way back.
01:32Like, how far back?
01:33Infinitely back.
01:34Oh, wow.
01:35That's great for Winston.
01:39Sorry, can I get your attention real quick?
01:40Sure.
01:41Yes.
01:42Unfortunately, Andrea Jin has decided to drop out of the competition.
01:46Is she okay?
01:47She's fine.
01:48She took herself out of it.
01:49Whoa.
01:50And just one more thing.
01:52Somebody else will be entering the competition.
01:54Oh, shit.
01:55I was annoyed.
01:57I'm just like, what y'all doing?
01:59Like, this is like the 12th hour.
02:00I'm adding extra stress to my plate.
02:16I was the only black guy.
02:18And now, I'm not.
02:20I tell you what, I love them, but I felt like a KKK member.
02:24Who's letting these niggas in?
02:25Bro, I was in Cancun still trying to get over the fact that I got kicked off.
02:28Then they was like, hey, you want to come back?
02:29I was like, I'll leave right now.
02:30I got to step it up, man.
02:32I definitely feel like I have a lot to prove to everyone.
02:34And I'm not doing this alone.
02:37Joining me, the queen of the roast, Nikki Glaser.
02:41Guys, how are you?
02:42But she's not just here to judge.
02:44She's also here to sharpen the skills of the next generation.
02:47I'm really here to talk about the roasts that you all have.
02:51Nikki's the roast queen.
02:52She's, in my opinion, the best roaster of all time.
02:55First, I just want to say, open your mind to roasts,
02:58because they are such a great way to showcase yourself as a stand-up comedian.
03:02The Tom Brady roast changed my life.
03:05I am excited to have her talk me through some stuff.
03:08Because, like, all I want is her knowledge.
03:10Embrace that for five minutes, you get to truly be, like, a psychopath.
03:15And say, like, the darkest, worst stuff that you would never even maybe say in your act,
03:21because it would make you so deeply unlikable.
03:23I'm tired of hearing, I don't do roasts.
03:25I just love stand-up comedy.
03:26Well, roasts are stand-up comedy.
03:28They're just jokes.
03:29It's just a different format.
03:30If you do a good showing on this, it really is going to show the world what you're capable of.
03:34Yeah!
03:35It's the greatest!
03:37It feels good, baby!
03:45Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Kevin Hart!
04:13Sit down.
04:14Sit down.
04:16Much appreciated.
04:19So before we do anything, I want to welcome you guys.
04:22Yes, this is Funny AF.
04:26Guys, do me a favor, man.
04:28Keep that same energy going for my damn top ten right now.
04:32Show some love to our top ten.
04:36Woo!
04:40Well, it's time to take on a celebrity roast.
04:43And at the end of the show, eight of the top ten will move on to the next round.
04:47And two, well, two of these comics will be going home.
04:51Yes.
04:52Yes, that's right.
04:53It's unfortunate, but fuck it.
04:55It has to happen.
04:57It has to happen.
04:59It's a competition, okay?
05:01But...
05:01Here's what it gets good.
05:02Tonight is the roast of Marshawn Lynch, and joining me...
05:08One of the greatest roasters in the business at the moment.
05:10Man, she is who I would like to refer to as the new queen of roasts.
05:15Do me a favor, guys.
05:15Give it up for Nikki Glaser!
05:30So good.
05:35Wow.
05:37I love it.
05:38Kevin, you literally changed my life as a Tom Brady roast.
05:41Because now, I can't go within 200 feet of Tom Brady, and that is...
05:46It's difficult for me.
05:47And I know I'm supposed to stay three feet away from you, but with our height difference,
05:51I feel like I am adhering to that tonight.
05:56I get to sit on this couch with Marshawn Lynch and Kevin Hart.
05:59What an honor.
06:00Seriously, my all-time dream two-and-a-half-some.
06:03I mean, this is...
06:06Thank you for letting me do that.
06:07Y'all show Nikki some love.
06:09Show her some more love right now.
06:12Right?
06:14All right, let's keep it moving, guys.
06:1613 seasons in the NFL.
06:18A Super Bowl ring with the Seattle Seahawks.
06:20The man ran through and past everybody that got in his way.
06:24Ladies and gentlemen, here is Beast Mode himself, Marshawn Lynch!
06:38Marshawn Lynch.
06:39Five Pro Bowls, over 10,000 rushing yards, a Super Bowl ring.
06:45Beast Mode wasn't a nickname.
06:47It was a warning.
06:47But off the field, a larger-than-life personality with the big kid energy to match.
06:55Winding up reporters at press conferences.
06:58Lighting up the big screen.
07:00Yeah. Hell yeah.
07:01Now he's here.
07:02And this time, the hits are different.
07:05This is the roast of Marshawn Lynch.
07:13Marshawn, these are just jokes.
07:15You understand that?
07:16Keep the motherfuckers to a minimum.
07:18No, no, no, no, no.
07:19I'm not a comedian.
07:20No, listen, no.
07:21I still beat ass.
07:22No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:25No, we made an agreement.
07:26You told me you were going to participate.
07:29I want to make sure you don't plan on meeting none of these people outside.
07:33This is the 50-yard line right here.
07:35Yeah, okay.
07:36All right.
07:36Anything you want to say, man, before we get active?
07:38Let's get active.
07:39Let's get active.
07:40Let's get active.
07:41Woo!
07:43Yes.
07:44Now, look, you all know that the prize for the winner of this competition is your own one-hour Netflix
07:51special.
07:51That's right.
07:53A Netflix special is the dream, guys.
07:55It can change everything.
07:57All right.
07:58Are you all ready for a great show?
08:02All right, then let's get it going.
08:04First up, guys, from New York, it's Usama Sadiqa!
08:17Keep it going, keep it going, keep it going!
08:21Wow!
08:22This is amazing, guys.
08:24Three stars.
08:25And now for the man of the hour, Marshawn Lynch.
08:27Clap it up, Marshawn!
08:29Whoo!
08:31Marshawn Lynch, dude, your last name is crazy.
08:34Because it's the worst crime involving your people.
08:39That's like if my name was Usama Usama.
08:45Tread lightly, my boy.
08:47Please don't kill me.
08:49Listen.
08:50Oh, God.
08:50Dude, you are huge.
08:51You are fucking huge as fuck.
08:54People say you look like Allen Iverson.
08:55Bro, you look like if Allen Iverson ate Allen Iverson.
08:59Listen.
09:00It is okay to put on a few pounds after leaving the NFL, but, Jesus, I didn't know you were
09:04gonna go from beast mode to breast mode.
09:05Jesus.
09:06Oh, my God.
09:08Oh, my God.
09:10Marshawn.
09:14Marshawn.
09:15You have one Super Bowl and two Super Jugs.
09:20Dude, you went from Seahawk to Sea Cub.
09:24I am scared to hug you at the end of this because I don't want to go to second base.
09:27I'll be honest.
09:29Ray Lau, I'll tell you what second base is later.
09:30I promise.
09:32People say he's the Shohei Ohtani of comedy.
09:35I'm like, that's not true.
09:36Ohtani has been to second base.
09:39Felicia Fox is here.
09:41Clap it up.
09:41Oh, my God.
09:43Woo.
09:45Felicia, if you're here, then who's talking too loudly on every Greyhound buzz?
09:52Oh, my God.
09:52The women here are amazing.
09:53Caitlin Palufa.
09:54Oh, my God.
09:55Hilarious.
09:57Caitlin was actually engaged for many years.
09:59It broke off and now she's dating again.
10:01Caitlin, you're like the Buffalo Bills.
10:03No matter how many black guys play with you, you're never getting a ring.
10:12But, guys, the hilarious D Fury, everyone.
10:15Clap it up.
10:16You creepy looking fuck.
10:20You look like you joined ICE because you already had some kids in cages.
10:25Doesn't Steve give that vibe?
10:27Enough nobodies.
10:28Enough nobodies.
10:28Kevin Hardy, clap it up.
10:30Good writing.
10:31Good fucking writing.
10:32Woo!
10:32Kevin Hardy.
10:34Listen, listen.
10:35I don't want to do a bunch of short jokes, so I think I'll do some long ones about how
10:38tiny you are.
10:40Kevin, you are so small.
10:42Like, did someone leave you in the dryer too long?
10:44Like, what is it?
10:45Man, you are the man.
10:46Dude, I know when you have sex, you get hard as a rock.
10:49Sorry, um, I misspoke.
10:50I meant to say, hard inside the rock.
10:53Sorry.
10:58Guys, Marshawn is an amazing football player.
11:01Amazing.
11:01He retired from the NFL three times.
11:04Marshawn, you are so unique.
11:05The average black man only leaves his family once.
11:10Marshawn, you're one of the most amazing athletes.
11:12I look up to you, dude.
11:13You are the literal goat.
11:15And a goat your size could feed my entire family in Bangladesh.
11:19Thanks for having me.
11:20You guys are great.
11:20Thank y'all so much.
11:21What's up?
11:23What's up?
11:25Yeah.
11:27Whoo!
11:28Oh, my God.
11:30Okay.
11:31From New York, it is Caitlin Palufo!
11:36Hi!
11:37Hi!
11:38Hi!
11:41Hello!
11:43Marshawn, really, why are you here?
11:45Did you think Kevin was a football?
11:47Okay.
11:50Now, I want to make sure you know, I know you're not dumb.
11:53I know you're very smart.
11:54You went to UC Berkeley, but you know.
11:56Helmet hit hard.
11:57Okay.
11:59Oh.
12:01I swear.
12:03Marshawn has taken more shots to the face than Nikki.
12:12Now, I want to be clear.
12:14That is not a cum joke.
12:15That is a Botox joke.
12:16Okay?
12:16I knew it.
12:18Olivia Carter is a new friend.
12:20Wave, Olivia!
12:21Hi!
12:23Yes?
12:24Or as I like to call her, anorexic Gandalf.
12:28Between your super religious upbringing and all that goth glam makeup.
12:32Girl, we get it.
12:33You were molested.
12:35Okay?
12:37Another pasty weirdo, Winston Hodges.
12:39Winston!
12:41I got to ask, Winston, if you're here, who's scooping ice cream in the 1950s?
12:45Oh, shit.
12:48Who the fuck do you look like?
12:49Winston looks like the youth pastor that fingered Olivia.
12:56Ron Taylor is here, Ron Taylor!
13:01Ron is so funny.
13:03He has so many jokes about hooking up with women.
13:05All right?
13:06I never understood how he got laid so often, but then I realized, oh, pity.
13:12I mean, who wants to fuck Ozempic Bernie Mac?
13:15Oh!
13:17Kick!
13:18Kick!
13:20Yeah!
13:21Anyway, Kevin Hart!
13:23Kevin!
13:25Now, I also don't want to make fun of your height, because I love a short king.
13:29I do.
13:29Yes!
13:30They are the best!
13:32Yes!
13:33They are the best at eating pussy, because they need the nutrients.
13:41That's why he's got so many muscles.
13:43He's so strong.
13:48Do it again.
13:49Do it again.
13:50Why do you think Nikki's sitting so close?
13:52Oh.
13:53I like being this close to you, Marshawn.
13:55I see that you're a little cross-eyed.
13:57I like that.
13:57Yeah.
13:58I think it's cute.
14:00Yeah.
14:00Oh, yeah.
14:00I'm taking a look.
14:02Oh.
14:04Marshawn, let's make a little mocha Travis Kelsey, okay?
14:07Oh.
14:09What the fuck?
14:11Marshawn, I bet being cross-eyed makes you great with the ladies,
14:14because you can talk to two bitches at once.
14:16Oh.
14:21But really, you are incredible, Marshawn, truly.
14:23As a 49er fan, I don't know what was more painful.
14:26Oh.
14:33I don't know what was more painful, watching you beat us or watching your acting career.
14:39Oh.
14:39Oh.
14:40Oh.
14:40But you are.
14:41You are so accomplished.
14:42Your career is almost perfect.
14:44It's spectacular, but it's so close to being perfect.
14:46I just think about that last Super Bowl.
14:48Shut the fuck up.
14:51Shut the fuck up.
14:52Shut the fuck up.
14:52Beat the fuck up.
14:52Think about it, Marshawn.
14:55Think about it, Marshawn.
14:56You were so close.
14:57Two yard line, seconds to go.
14:59And they threw the ball for an interception instead of handing it to you.
15:03Imagine, imagine if you had scored that touchdown, won that game, you wouldn't have to be here.
15:10Thank you guys, that's it for me, thank you!
15:23Y'all good!
15:24Y'all good!
15:24Y'all good!
15:25Y'all good!
15:26You crushed it.
15:27You guys baby in it.
15:28I'm proud of you.
15:28Thanks honey.
15:29Run it, burn it down, burn it, burn it down, burn it down, burn it.
15:33What's your biggest fear?
15:34Generally, my comedy is not very mean-spirited.
15:37So you're out of your comfort zone?
15:38I'm out of my comfort zone a little bit.
15:39I'm just like really nervous
15:40because I want to do a good job.
15:41If you feel bad, say that.
15:43I think it's almost more interesting
15:45when it's a nice guy delivering the stuff against his will.
15:48Yeah, yeah, definitely against my will.
15:51How are you feeling?
15:52How is all this?
15:53My big thing is, again, because my comedy is mostly about me,
15:56I have a hard time like being mean.
15:58Do you know what I mean?
15:59Like being mean to like a strange,
16:01because I don't know Marshawn.
16:02I know him of him, but I don't know him personally.
16:05He asked for it.
16:06He asked for it, okay.
16:07He signed up for this, he can take these hits.
16:10He's a strong man.
16:11And this is your job.
16:12And this is my job.
16:12The thing I love about Rose is like,
16:14I can say all these horrible things,
16:16but at the end of it, people are like,
16:17I want to be friends with her.
16:19Why?
16:19I should be locked up.
16:23We're going to keep it going.
16:24From Arlington, Virginia, here's Winston Hodges!
16:36Man.
16:37Oh, thank you so much.
16:38What an amazing opportunity, man.
16:39Kevin, thank you so much.
16:41But what the fuck is this show?
16:44You know what I mean?
16:45Kevin, you make so much money,
16:47you could help real fucking people, man.
16:51Bro, fuck this show.
16:53Build a children's hospital.
16:56Oh, my God.
16:58I mean, I'll be real with you, man.
17:00I think you'd find a way to turn that shit into a TV show, too, though.
17:03Oh, my God.
17:04Wouldn't it be amazing?
17:05Next season on Netflix, Tommy wins a new leg on Kevin Hart, Healthy AF.
17:19I'm so excited.
17:21I'm fucking excited, dude.
17:24Do you know how fucking depressing it is to roast a professional athlete that has more television
17:30credits than me?
17:32Every day, dude.
17:33I had no idea.
17:34Imagine getting hit in the head so many times you get to go into acting.
17:38Do you understand that?
17:40It turns out CTE just stands for Casting Talentless Idiots.
17:45And I know idiot starts with an I, but Marshawn can't fucking read, so be cool about it.
17:53I love you three.
17:54I love you three so much, man.
17:56We got fucking Beast Mode, Least Mode, Yeast Mode.
18:03Oh, man.
18:05People have been making fun of my glasses.
18:06It's true, I can't see shit, because when I got up here, I looked over here and saw these
18:10three, and I thought Nikki was finally famous enough to have two black African kids, you
18:14know?
18:17So close.
18:20Ray, your mustache is fucking ridiculous, man.
18:23It is.
18:24Oh, my God.
18:24Literally on anyone else in this room, that mustache would make you look like a pedophile.
18:29On Ray, it just looks like you're a little too old to touch.
18:37Ron Taylor's only here, because he heard if he wins, he gets to be in the Jackson 5, you
18:42know?
18:44We got Felicia Foulkes and Eva Evans here.
18:46I'll tell you one thing, brother.
18:47You're not going to catch a man dressed as a racist Southern lawyer making fun of two black
18:52women, okay?
18:54It's not going to happen, all right?
18:55These women are black, they are strong, and they both have fat asses, so they're okay
19:01by me.
19:09In 2010, Marshawn Lynch actually got his backup quarterback confused with a reporter.
19:16Marshawn can't tell fucking white people apart, man.
19:23You can't tell us apart, and that's why, Marshawn, if you got a problem with these jokes, and
19:29you want to see me outside, I need you to fucking remember, my name is Steve Fury.
19:50Oh, the train doesn't stop now, we got to keep it going.
19:54From Los Angeles, guys, here is Felicia Foulkes!
20:02Thank you, oh, thank you, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm here, I know, I know, thank you,
20:10woo!
20:11No, I can't believe I'm here, I mean, it's like a complete honor, I can't believe I get
20:14to roast Marshawn Lynch, you know?
20:16This would have been really exciting in 2015.
20:21Nikki Glaser is here, I'm so happy she's here.
20:24Nikki is truly my favorite living roaster, I'm not joking, I love her so much.
20:28A lot of people say we pretend Nikki's funny because she's hot, not true, we know she's
20:33funny, that's why we pretend she's hot.
20:37Thank you!
20:39No, honestly, Nikki, it's fine, I don't mind that you get a lot of plastic surgery, I think
20:43you look beautiful, you know what I mean?
20:45This is my thing, you do know they do asses too, right?
20:51I'll look into it.
20:53Okay, wow, seeing Marshawn and Nikki on a couch like this, it feels like the beginning
20:57of a shitty porno, you know?
21:00It's the beginning of a shitty porno, really, like look at them, you know?
21:03It looks like Beauty and the Beast mode, you know?
21:07I want it.
21:09I want it.
21:11It does.
21:13Don't worry, Nikki's such a slut, she's used to fucking guys that look like monsters.
21:17Don't worry.
21:19Don't worry, she likes beasts.
21:21But I don't want to roast you, Marshawn, you know what I mean?
21:23You, my brother, I don't like.
21:24I don't think black people should roast each other.
21:26Black people gotta stick together, you know?
21:27I have your back, you know?
21:28These guys, they don't have your back, you know?
21:30If Ray Lyle's behind your back, it's because he's following you around the liquor store.
21:34You know what I'm saying?
21:36And Marshawn's not even the most dangerous guy on the stage.
21:38The most dangerous guy on the stage is Steve Fury.
21:40This guy right here, yeah, he's a real piece of shit from Sacramento.
21:45Absolutely.
21:45Steve, if you're here, who's outside stealing my catalytic converter?
21:51I don't know.
21:52Honestly, I'm scared of Usama, too, Usama Siddiqui up there.
21:55He's the first Indian fuckboy I've ever met.
21:59Honestly.
22:00He looks like he'd charm a snake and then ghost it.
22:04Good.
22:05Good.
22:06Good.
22:07That's a good job.
22:08That's a good one.
22:09He's a pretty boy.
22:11But we're here to talk about Marshawn.
22:12Marshawn Lynch.
22:13Huh?
22:13Give it up for Marshawn.
22:15Absolutely.
22:17Marshawn looks like someone gave Whoopi Goldberg the super soldier serum.
22:22No, I like your hair.
22:23I really do.
22:24I like your hair.
22:24I like your locks.
22:25I do.
22:26I feel like you look like T-Pain, you know?
22:29You do.
22:30You look like T-Pain after your career gave you CTE pain, you know?
22:35But I do have a lot of respect for you.
22:36I don't want to pretend like I can't do what you can do.
22:39You can't do what I can do.
22:41Well, that's not true.
22:41I can do what you can do.
22:43I could definitely lose the Super Bowl to the Patriots.
22:46That is...
22:50Okay.
22:50Thank you guys so much.
22:51Have a good night.
22:57I can do it for you.
23:00Oh wow, dude.
23:02Oh wow, man.
23:03Hey, I don't care what you think, you think.
23:07I don't care what you think, you think.
23:08Is this something you've done a lot of?
23:09I'm feeling good about the roasts, like my jokes.
23:12because I believe in all my jokes.
23:14I know that I'm sort of not a traditional roaster
23:16because I'm kind of monotone,
23:18so I don't know if that'll be a strength or not.
23:20It works in your stand-up.
23:21You're made for this.
23:23Aw, thanks.
23:23Yeah, your delivery, don't worry about your delivery.
23:25Don't change anything about who you are.
23:26How you feeling?
23:27I feel like I wrote good jokes, but not like,
23:30ooh, jokes.
23:31Okay, just go hard.
23:33I probably should.
23:34Do it.
23:35Don't leave anything on the table.
23:36Coming back into this competition,
23:37I feel like I need to constantly put the stand-up
23:39like I belong here.
23:40Take balls to the wall, man.
23:41Like, make sure everyone remembers me.
23:43I just want to know, like, how you're feeling
23:44with this whole roast.
23:46I think I'm kind of weak on roasts of other people,
23:49but I think I'm okay on Kevin,
23:51and I think that's okay.
23:51Yeah, there's a lot there.
23:52Yeah, there is.
23:53I mean, there's not a lot there.
23:53That's what's there.
23:55I've been flexing a new muscle,
23:57working on something new.
23:58I just hope that it goes well.
24:00Yeah, the greatest.
24:07This next comic is from Brooklyn, New York.
24:11Here is, Olivia!
24:20What do I say about Marshawn Lynch, you know?
24:23He's actually a good guy, you know?
24:26He gives out turkeys on Thanksgiving.
24:29This would be so much easier if you just raped somebody.
24:32What the fuck?
24:34Even if he did, I'd be like,
24:35yeah, he gave me a turkey, you know?
24:40You haven't even publicly dated someone,
24:43and I'm not saying that you date white women in secret.
24:46I'm not saying that.
24:52But if you do, I'm willing to gain 100 pounds.
25:05I'm just kidding, I'm more into basketball players.
25:08I'd rather get cheated on than killed.
25:14You got a decision to make, baby.
25:18Steve Fury, this is the most positive I've been,
25:20that someone has paid for sex.
25:24And, yes, Usama is from Bangladesh,
25:27so he actually eats pussy with his hands.
25:30Oh, yeah.
25:33Yeah, right.
25:35Yeah.
25:36Oh, shit.
25:37That's so good.
25:39That is a good job.
25:41Yeah, he's a whore.
25:42Um, he even tells his right eye,
25:46I think we should see other people.
25:48Ha, ha, ha, ha!
25:50Oh, my God.
25:52That's a perfect lazy eye check.
25:54And it's too bad you can't see Felicia Folk's smile.
25:57I love her smile.
25:58Sort of reminds me of Nikki's diet,
25:59you know, mostly gum.
26:01Oh.
26:05And now for the man who's pitted us all against each other,
26:08Kevin Hart.
26:10Yes.
26:13Obviously, we all know he had homophobic tweets
26:15about smashing a dollhouse over a gay kid's head,
26:19but then where would you live, Kevin?
26:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:28No, I think it's shitty Kevin couldn't host the Oscars
26:31because of a mistake from his past.
26:33Kevin loves gay people, even though they all got cut
26:36and there were none on the stage tonight.
26:37Oh.
26:38Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:40Whoo.
26:41That's good.
26:41God.
26:42God.
26:43God.
26:43Fucking God.
26:47But Kevin, I hope you can still have your moment
26:50because everyone I have here what would have been his
26:522019 Oscar opening monologue.
26:56Do we want to hear it?
26:57Yeah.
26:58Yeah.
27:03Good evening, faggots.
27:04Oh.
27:10Sorry.
27:10Sorry.
27:11I'm sorry.
27:13I'm sorry.
27:14I'm sorry.
27:15I didn't read it before.
27:16Oops.
27:18Thank you so much.
27:27Oh.
27:28Oh.
27:32Oscar monologue killed me.
27:34Oh.
27:34That was insane.
27:35That was funny.
27:36That was very.
27:40Good evening.
27:41Yeah.
27:42Yeah.
27:47I thought she was really going to read a bunch of shit.
27:49I was like...
27:51This next comic was out of the competition,
27:54but when another comedian dropped out,
27:56he answered the call.
27:58From New York, here's Reg Thomas!
28:07I want to thank Kevin Hart for having me be a part of this roast
28:11of Marshawn Lynch.
28:13Kevin Hart is one of a kind.
28:15He's the only black man in Hollywood
28:17who could crash a car
28:18and walk away with a tequila brand.
28:23Most niggas crash a car and get a court date.
28:27He promotes that tequila so much,
28:28I thought the name of his last special was Drink Responsibly.
28:33Which is hilarious,
28:34because drinking responsibly is the worst way
28:36to enjoy a Kevin Hart film.
28:38After three shots, she's like,
28:39This little nigga is funny.
28:42But with that being said,
28:43tonight is about Marshawn Lynch,
28:46one of the greatest running backs of all time.
28:54Marshawn, just based off your face alone,
28:56I want to give you some crayon and glue
28:58just to see what you eat first.
29:03Have y'all seen Marshawn eating fucking Skittles?
29:05He's like,
29:06And here come white people,
29:08Oh, Marshawn.
29:10And I'm like,
29:11This thing is slow.
29:13That's Tizzle.
29:15Get some tension.
29:17Get some tension on Tizzle.
29:18I'm going to now give my attention
29:20to the whitest comedian on the stage,
29:24Usama Hussain Siddiqui.
29:29When it comes to Usama,
29:30I feel so bad for his good eye.
29:34That good eye works harder than a single mother.
29:36That good eye's like,
29:37God damn!
29:38Can I get some help around here?
29:41It's just me!
29:42Throw it down.
29:44Throw it down.
29:47I'll get it fixed.
29:51Next, we have Winston.
29:52Winston's a really good guy.
29:54I met Winston's wife this week.
29:56And I'm going to be honest,
29:57I was shocked to find out
29:58that Winston was married to a woman.
30:02And then he asked me to fuck her in front of him,
30:04and I was like,
30:05That tracks.
30:09Next, we have
30:10the horniest comedian on the stage,
30:14Caitlin Palufo.
30:15You got to believe it.
30:17Caitlin likes to get fucked in her ass
30:19because her pussy smells worse.
30:21Oh, damn.
30:24Holy fuck.
30:25Good night.
30:27Good night.
30:35From Los Angeles, California,
30:36please make some noise
30:38for Ray Lowe!
30:45What's up, people?
30:46How are ya?
30:52Marshawn Lynch.
30:53Marshawn Lynch, everybody.
30:55Man.
30:57Marshawn chose the number 24
30:59because that's the biggest number he knows.
31:03Kevin, I got to be honest.
31:04I just want to say,
31:05your comedy has been an inspiration
31:06for my comedy for a very long time,
31:08which is why I'm not successful yet.
31:10So I...
31:10Oh, shit.
31:12You're an inspiration.
31:13It's my dream to become
31:14a world-famous Verizon rep, too.
31:16You know, I want...
31:17I want that.
31:19Kevin, honestly,
31:20I mean, this whole show's been so amazing.
31:22You know, they always tell me,
31:23don't meet your heroes,
31:24so this show's been perfect.
31:25You know, I...
31:29You know, I want to give you credit.
31:30Props, Kevin.
31:31I mean, people always forget
31:32Kevin is a stand-up comedian first.
31:34Okay?
31:34He's not just a shitty actor.
31:39It's true.
31:40I mean, people love to hate on Kevin's comedy,
31:42but Kevin has nine stand-up comedy specials.
31:45If you watch them all in order,
31:46that's a good night's sleep, okay?
31:51One of Kevin's comedy heroes
31:52is Bill Cosby.
31:53That's where he learned
31:54how to put people to sleep, so...
31:55Okay.
31:56All right.
31:57All right.
31:59Okay.
32:00I mean, a lot of people here
32:01have been making Asian jokes about me.
32:03I mean, to be honest,
32:03I'm not even really Asian.
32:04I just need to squint
32:05to see Kevin that far away.
32:08Oh, there you are.
32:09Okay, great.
32:10I mean, Kevin,
32:11you look like you get picked up
32:12by the armpits
32:12to get your dick sucked.
32:13I don't know.
32:15I don't know.
32:19That's the name?
32:19I mean, just look at this.
32:20Look at that.
32:23I mean, Kevin,
32:24why do you always have
32:25the same stupid face
32:26for every movie poster?
32:27He always looks like
32:28The Rock just put it in.
32:29He's like...
32:32Every poster.
32:35Am I wrong?
32:37This is The Rock right behind him.
32:39This is The Rock.
32:39This is The Rock.
32:42Thanks, guys.
32:43I'm Ray Lau.
32:43Appreciate it so much.
32:52Some of this stuff
32:52is, like, borderline offensive,
32:54so I'm a little concerned
32:55about that.
32:56But that's what the job is.
32:57Uh-huh.
32:59Roasts are stand-up comedy.
33:00They're just jokes.
33:01It's just a different format.
33:02My fiancé and I split up.
33:03Are you ready to joke about it?
33:05Yeah, she did leave
33:05when I got on Netflix.
33:06It was a little bit odd.
33:07She stuck through the mics.
33:08I know you're supposed
33:08to leave her.
33:09Yeah, I'm supposed
33:10to leave her.
33:10I don't like roasting at all.
33:11You know Stephen broke up
33:13with his fiancé, right?
33:14True that.
33:15So you've got to hit on that.
33:16You're really trying
33:17to figure out weaknesses
33:20in people's self-esteem
33:23that you can exploit.
33:24It is your job on a roast
33:26to go as hard as possible
33:27and to offend people.
33:29That's the job.
33:30Tell you what, who knew?
33:31So much goes into roasting.
33:33I didn't know it was
33:34that much of an art form.
33:35I thought it was just
33:36making people feel bad.
33:37I know.
33:37Oh, damn.
33:38Got a lot of work to do.
33:41OK, guys, let's keep
33:42the train going
33:43from Brooklyn, New York.
33:45It's Eva Evans.
33:51Hi.
33:54Thank you for having me.
33:57Hello, everyone.
33:58My name is Eva Evans,
34:00and I'm the baddest bitch
34:01on the show.
34:04Well, I'm sorry.
34:05I'm the second baddest bitch
34:06after Osama.
34:10I'm so happy to see
34:11my brother Reg here.
34:12Love you, Reg.
34:15Reg is so short and dark.
34:17When he walked in,
34:17I thought he was the ghost
34:18of the baby I miscarried.
34:20Jesus.
34:24Marshawn.
34:26Maybe, I don't know
34:26shit about football,
34:27but let me tell you this.
34:28I was very excited to meet you
34:30because my homegirl
34:31told me you were fine.
34:33But now that I see you in person,
34:34I think she meant to say
34:35you were fined.
34:38Yeah.
34:39The NFL took, like,
34:40over a milli from you, right?
34:41Do you still have birth?
34:42Do you have any money left?
34:43Me and the gold diggers
34:44want to know.
34:47Kevin, I am so grateful
34:49for this opportunity.
34:50Thank you so much.
34:50I love you.
34:51You're welcome, Eva.
34:53I'm also very jealous of you
34:54because you got to kiss
34:55the rock before me.
34:59Y'all may not notice,
35:00but Kevin was definitely
35:01on Epstein's Island,
35:03but he was not mentioned
35:05in the files
35:05because they thought
35:06he was one of the kids.
35:11Yeah.
35:13Yeah.
35:13Eva, that's nice.
35:14Yeah.
35:15That's good.
35:17My good sis Felicia,
35:19I'm so glad to see
35:22that comedy's going well
35:23for you,
35:23especially after you
35:25lost your syrup bottle job.
35:26Y'all give it up
35:27for Aunt Jemima.
35:28I'm good.
35:31Show her some love.
35:32Show her some love.
35:33Felicia gentrified her pussy.
35:37Yeah.
35:38But luckily for your
35:38white boyfriend,
35:39gout, diabetes,
35:40and high blood pressure
35:41are not sexually transmitted.
35:44Oh my God.
35:47Winston wears contacts
35:48and glasses
35:49and still can't find the click.
35:51No.
35:52Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
35:53I don't understand
35:54how he got married.
35:55I really don't get it.
35:56I don't get it.
35:57Winston is from
35:58a small southern town.
36:00When he introduced
36:01his wife to his folks,
36:02they already knew her
36:03from being her parents, too.
36:04Ha ha ha ha.
36:07Ha ha ha ha.
36:08Yeah, he married his sister.
36:09Ha ha ha ha ha.
36:11Usama,
36:11you look so damn good
36:12in that suit, babe.
36:13Usama is the only brown
36:14I want in my panties.
36:16Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
36:19Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
36:26Oh my God.
36:26The trade center.
36:27Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
36:31I don't know what's more lazy.
36:33Felicia's personal trainer
36:34or Usama's left eye?
36:37My name is Eve Evans.
36:38Thank y'all for fucking me.
36:40Ha ha ha ha ha ha
37:03Well, listen, there's a lot of stars and stars to be here.
37:09Eva is here, Miss Eva.
37:13I don't want to say nothing that's going to get me Me Too,
37:16but if comedy don't work, and it won't,
37:21just know I would not be your only fan.
37:24Okay.
37:27Brother Winston Hodges, just remember that I was nice to you, right?
37:33Winston is going to get a Netflix special one way or another.
37:36It might be a murder documentary, but that shit coming.
37:49And of course, the man in the hour, Marshawn Lynch.
37:52Yeah, hell yeah.
37:58Marshawn, a Seahawks legend.
38:00Right, right, right.
38:01Brother Kevin, a big fan of the Eagles.
38:04And Usama is a big fan of the New York Jets.
38:08Not the team, but the planes.
38:12Okay.
38:14It's a 9-11 joke.
38:17Look, Marshawn just got the aura of a loose pit bull, dawg.
38:23Just make people scary.
38:24I think that's why white women love you actually.
38:27Because white women love to rescue battered animals.
38:31So that...
38:32You're a wild boy.
38:34The lore of Marshawn Lynch is very interesting.
38:37It's like you was created as a super villain by a racist 9-year-old.
38:42Like, he's a big strong black beast that runs off of Hennessy and Skittles.
38:46It's like, okay.
38:50Marshawn was also on the Great American Baking Show.
38:52He got kicked off because he kept putting weed in all the cookies.
38:57They got weed in there.
38:59It's fitting that he wears dreads because that's what he feels white women with when he walks next to them
39:04down the street.
39:07I'm sorry.
39:10Look, I'm gonna be real.
39:12Marshawn is the most Oakland person in the world, dawg.
39:15Like, there's no doubt about that.
39:17Like, Marshawn Lynch is what Ryan Coogler turns into on a full moon.
39:25In closing, look, I want to thank Kevin Hart for putting this together.
39:30Kevin!
39:32Kevin Hart looked like the slave you get for free when you buy Marshawn Lynch.
39:40Oh, my God.
39:41It's one of the best jokes I've ever heard.
39:45Holy shit.
39:46Just throw him in to sweeten the deal, you know?
39:55That's good.
39:57Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a strong believer that whoever goes last on the roast deserves the most goddamn energy because
40:06you gotta go out with a bang.
40:09We're at the last comic, ladies and gentlemen.
40:10Can I get your energy in this building?
40:15I'm gonna ask you again.
40:17Can I get some energy in a goddamn building one time?
40:24From Los Angeles, California, make some noise for Steve Thierry!
40:34What is up?
40:36Yes!
40:37Ladies and gentlemen, Marshawn Lynch is a legend in the hood.
40:44To the suburbs, he's maybe one of the Ying Yang twins.
40:49Guys, Marshawn Lynch is so hood that he got his entire NFL salary through Cash App.
40:57Winston, Cash App is Venmo for black people.
41:01Black people are the people you don't let your daughter date.
41:07Yes!
41:09Give it up, guys.
41:10Ladies and gentlemen, your dumbest friend's favorite comedian, Kevin Hart!
41:16Kevin, if you're here, who's currently filming the worst movie I've ever seen?
41:22Kevin's dad was an avid crack smoker.
41:25What are the odds that he and his dad's best friend would be The Rock?
41:29Good shit.
41:30I like it.
41:31Guys, Kevin is the only person to score a triple-double in the Celebrity All-Star Game.
41:3510 points, 10 assists, and 25 uppies.
41:41Ray Loud, great to see you.
41:43Not a lot of people know this, but Ray and Usama actually tied into
41:47Whose Food Can Stink Up the Break Room Worst Contest.
41:51He won, he won.
41:52Guys, let's give it up for Usama, or as the women he fucks call him, Scum Dog Millionaire.
41:59Damn.
42:01By the way, Usama, I love the TikToks, especially the ones where you're cooking with your feet on the street.
42:07Oh, shit!
42:08That yellow goop you guys make looks exquisite.
42:13Coincidentally, Ray's parents are also Asian. They're dishonored to be here tonight.
42:19Ray was supposed to follow in his family's footsteps of doing deep stretches in the park.
42:27That's fine.
42:28That's so good.
42:30Brooklyn Zone.
42:31Eva Evans, everyone.
42:32How special.
42:35Eva has been on BET, SiriusXM, BuzzFeed, VH1, and The Windy Williams Show.
42:41Folks, if there's something you don't give a fuck about, Eva's been a part of it.
42:48Felicia folks, everybody, one of the sweetest and best people I have ever met.
42:52Oh, my God.
42:52Oh, my God, one of my best friends.
42:55Felicia talks a lot about how her hometown of Inglewood is getting gentrified.
42:59She's dating a white Jew.
43:01Felicia, the call is coming from inside the house.
43:06Felicia looks like an elementary school bus driver that yells,
43:08y'all better not be playing on this motherfucking bus.
43:16You better not be.
43:22Guys, Ron lives in his van, so he might be the first person to have a Netflix special,
43:26but not be able to afford the account.
43:30I'm actually surprised Ron is here tonight.
43:33He's usually at the library charging up all his electronics.
43:38Marsha on a library is where you read free books.
43:42Gotcha.
43:43A book is like a playbook, but instead of pictures, they use words.
43:46Words are the things you can't spell.
43:50That's my time, everybody. Thank you very much.
43:57Well deserved.
43:59You guys all brought your form of comedy to the style of roasting,
44:03and that's what the challenge was about.
44:06I want to give a big thanks to Marshawn Liggs.
44:08Now, Nikki and I, we got to go make the hard decision to see who's moving on,
44:13and we got to also see who's going on.
44:15Thank you guys so, so much.
44:17Good night.
44:27I'm so glad this shit is over.
44:29Jesus Christ.
44:31They got the hardest job right now.
44:32You thought roasting was hard, but now trying to judge these guys.
44:34Yeah, yeah.
44:35That's insane.
44:36All right.
44:36All right.
44:37This is it.
44:38This is just tough.
44:39It's tough.
44:40It's tough.
44:41I liked all of them.
44:42If you had to watch someone do comedy right now, who's set do you want to watch?
44:46Osama was amazing.
44:47Hell yeah.
44:48Very, very strong.
44:49Yeah.
44:49He's got it.
44:50I like his comments.
44:50He really does.
44:51Yeah.
44:51Felicia killed.
44:53Caitlyn fucking destroyed.
44:54Caitlyn killed Olivia.
44:55Olivia took some crazy chances, and they paid jobs.
44:59She was great.
45:00You know who was meaner than I thought?
45:01Olivia.
45:02Oh, yeah.
45:03Olivia was meaner than I thought she'd be.
45:04I was like, oh, shit.
45:05I said, yeah.
45:07Reg.
45:08I like the fact that Reg got a call to come in, but he was ready for the moment.
45:12He really was.
45:13What do we think about Eva?
45:16Maybe her jokes weren't the best jokes of the night, but I'm left after watching her set feeling like I
45:23had such a good time.
45:24To me, I liked that.
45:25Who was trash?
45:26For me, it would probably be wrong.
45:28Yeah.
45:29I think he did it in his way, but his way was, it felt a bit.
45:33Felt rushed.
45:33It wasn't there.
45:34It didn't feel as prepared.
45:36He felt like he was phoning it in a little bit.
45:38I think he had the best joke of the night.
45:40Bro, bro, I think the slave joke was the best joke of the night.
45:42The slave joke was the best joke of the night.
45:43I think it was the best joke of the night.
45:44It was the best joke of the night.
45:45It was literally amazing.
45:47I mean, Steve is an amazing converse, Steve.
45:48The thing about Steve, it's like, he just had too much and he didn't edit.
45:51It was like too much.
45:53Too wordy and...
45:54He's delivering it all down the barrel.
45:56Watch.
45:56Yes.
45:57I just wish Ray would have had more bits about martial arts.
46:00He didn't hit you.
46:01I don't think he embraced the full capacity of the assignment of doing the ropes.
46:06He didn't understand.
46:07All right, Nicki, I appreciate you.
46:09Oh, my God.
46:10You put in so much work.
46:11It was so much fun.
46:12I'm so proud of these guys.
46:13When we talk about cutting players and shit, it's exactly what we do.
46:17As he go and deliver the bathroom, as y'all go out and get out.
46:19We absolutely put it out there today, no matter what happens.
46:22We made it to top ten.
46:23That's it.
46:23We're winners.
46:24Oh, my God.
46:25Ready?
46:26Top ten on three.
46:27One, two, three.
46:27Top ten!
46:29I feel good.
46:30Overall, I feel good.
46:31You know?
46:31It's a little nerve-wracking, obviously.
46:33A little anxiety-inducing.
46:35But that's par for the course at this point.
46:41I'm not a roaster.
46:43It's not my thing.
46:43It's not my specialty.
46:44I don't do this.
46:45Anything besides stand-up is not my comfort zone, so.
46:48I'm feeling nervous, not gonna lie.
46:50I feel proud of my work today.
46:51I know that I definitely put my best out there.
46:55This is a nightmare.
46:56I'm spiraling.
46:56I'm joking.
46:57I'm fine.
46:58I feel great.
46:59But I think the beauty of what you guys did was embrace it.
47:02You embraced the idea of it while still staying true to your unique voice.
47:06That's what the challenge was about.
47:08This is a tough one, but it's supposed to be.
47:10If you didn't make it tough, then that means that you didn't really do your job.
47:14Alright, so eight spots.
47:16Get to go on to the next round.
47:17Two of you will be going home.
47:19I'll start off by naming the spots that are being fulfilled for the next round.
47:24First name.
47:27Winston Hodges.
47:31Great set, man.
47:32Very well written.
47:34Strong performance.
47:36Caitlyn.
47:38Your personality seemed to get stronger and the audience was in your hand.
47:44Olivia.
47:46You're a great example, I think, of what I mean when I say stay true to yourself.
47:50And I was very impressed at how you approached the podium.
47:54Felicia.
47:56Good job, man.
47:57I like how you kept it very personable.
48:01Usama.
48:03The first comic out the gate.
48:05You set the tone.
48:07You really came out with a bang.
48:09I'm also going to put through Reg, man.
48:16You came in prepared.
48:18You didn't look like a guy that was an alternate.
48:20So congrats to you for seizing the fucking moment.
48:24All right, two spots left.
48:27I think between the last four, I can say that the conversation was very much aligned with you all.
48:35Nobody had a flat line.
48:37Nobody bombed.
48:38Steve, I'll tell you, I'll be honest, your set didn't start off strong.
48:42No.
48:43But you had a nice build and I liked that you stayed in the pocket.
48:46Ron, I think that you could have went a little deeper into the comedy bag that Ron possesses.
48:52Even here's what I'm going to say about you, man.
48:54You have a very raw, I don't give a fuck, I'm confident in what I am and who I am.
48:59I did want to see more of you staying on the jokes and not moving through it so fast.
49:04Right?
49:05You didn't hit the dais.
49:07You didn't hit Marshawn, but were you funny?
49:10Fuck yeah, you'd be funny.
49:12All right, two people move on to the next round.
49:15This is not an easy decision.
49:19My next choice to go through is...
49:54Backwards, backwards, backwards.
50:08My next choice to go through and read me.
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