- 12 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:14Hey sexy, mind if I take a shower?
00:00:17It's gonna fog up my mirror.
00:00:19How about I wipe a little spot on the shower door and then you can sneak a peek?
00:00:23Wipe two spots.
00:00:25One for the fun zone and then do another one for your face.
00:00:29Yeah, deal.
00:00:46And it's a great property, but I over leverage myself.
00:00:50I might have to sell it at a loss and it's hitting all my failure buttons.
00:00:54I'm sorry, are you okay?
00:00:56Yeah, I took my meds, but they don't always kick in the way they used to.
00:01:00And if it bothers you, I can put my hand in my lap and I'll cover it with this blanket.
00:01:06But then I'd look like I'm pleasuring myself to your financial troubles.
00:01:13Sorry if it's a distraction.
00:01:21What are you in for?
00:01:29Parkinson's.
00:01:30You?
00:01:30Just haircut.
00:01:34I deserve more of a laugh than that.
00:01:36Sorry.
00:01:37I'm just going through it today.
00:01:39You look good.
00:01:39Your voice is firm.
00:01:41Makes you sound wise.
00:01:42Yeah, I am quite wise.
00:01:44How's your balance?
00:01:46Not bad.
00:01:47The stupid exercises help.
00:01:49Yeah, I fall three times a day.
00:01:51I'm thinking I take it up stump work.
00:01:55Paul.
00:01:56Jerry.
00:01:57I look at mild tremor.
00:01:59I would kill that fucking tremor like that.
00:02:01Yeah, well, I get real stiff.
00:02:04And my left side hurts all the time.
00:02:07I tell my girlfriend that sex helps, but she's a doctor.
00:02:11So she knows I'm full of shit.
00:02:13That's a tough break.
00:02:15I feel stupid complaining to you.
00:02:19Oh, please.
00:02:21We're all the same shitty train to Saksville.
00:02:23How's his brain?
00:02:24Any hallucinations?
00:02:26No, thank God.
00:02:28They're the worst.
00:02:29Bad enough your body goes, but then you start seeing shit.
00:02:32It's scary.
00:02:32Yeah, who knew that was a thing with Parkinson's?
00:02:34Although one time I saw a helly berry in the bathtub with me.
00:02:38Another time it was my mom.
00:02:40So, good and bad.
00:02:42Unless your mom's really hot.
00:02:43Well, Dad says she was a bobcat in the sack.
00:02:48Enough whining.
00:02:49I'm still here, so fuck Parkinson's.
00:02:52Yeah.
00:02:54Okay.
00:02:55You're gonna say it to me to...
00:02:57Jerry, I'll grab you in a minute.
00:02:59Paul, you ready?
00:03:09Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:11Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:15What the fuck?
00:03:17I was here first.
00:03:18I gotta face it, Jimmy.
00:03:20The end of my life's gonna be hard.
00:03:22And I can either be a self-pitying shithead,
00:03:27or I could suck the marrow out of what's left of this amazing life.
00:03:32No more living in a why-me land.
00:03:35I kind of like why-me land.
00:03:37I spent a couple years there recently.
00:03:39It's nice.
00:03:41Well, anyway, that's my new philosophy.
00:03:43Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:45Catchy.
00:03:46Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:48Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:49Fuck it right in the face.
00:03:50Don't fuck my disease in the face, Jimmy.
00:03:53We'll see.
00:03:55But I need a favor.
00:03:58Keep me in check.
00:04:00If you see me sinking,
00:04:03pull me up.
00:04:07I know that's a lot to ask.
00:04:09Paul.
00:04:11I have leaned on you so much.
00:04:15I'm just grateful I get the chance to pay you back even a little.
00:04:21That said, I still don't understand why it means I have to ride next to you in a sports car
00:04:25while you drive like a lunatic.
00:04:29Are you coming or not?
00:04:31Just because I'm not allowed on the streets doesn't mean I can't do it.
00:04:35We are...
00:04:42Oh, oh.
00:04:45You have a fun?
00:04:46Oh, good.
00:04:48Oh, slow down.
00:04:50Oh, this is triggering.
00:04:51My wife died in a car, Paul.
00:04:53Come on.
00:04:54Relax.
00:04:55Relax.
00:04:58Help me carry this weight
00:05:00That's dragging me down
00:05:03Pull me out of a trip
00:05:05Before I start to drown
00:05:07Let the wreckage all sink
00:05:09To where the fishes are frightening
00:05:12I want to hear myself think again
00:05:17I want to hear myself think again
00:05:28Baby, sorry.
00:05:29I ran out of creamer because I didn't feel like getting it.
00:05:31Also, last night when you were sleeping
00:05:34Let's see, how do I say this one?
00:05:36Um, you started screaming like a little bitch
00:05:39What's the deal you know?
00:05:40Ah, you know
00:05:41Come on, no, no, really
00:05:42Like, what is it?
00:05:44Okay
00:05:45Um, when I was ten
00:05:46I threw a pine cone at a crow in my yard
00:05:50And needless to say, he was pissed
00:05:53And he would dive bomb me
00:05:54Every time I went to the bus stop
00:05:57Every time
00:05:57You know crows hold grudges
00:05:58I do not
00:05:59But this is already the best story I've ever heard
00:06:01Yeah, so
00:06:01I have this recurring nightmare that
00:06:04He's gonna find me and fuck me up
00:06:06What, so you think
00:06:07He's gonna, like, rip out your eyes?
00:06:08He'll probably just take one eye
00:06:10That way you'll be able to see him smile while he eats it
00:06:12I'm so glad I shared this with you
00:06:14I know
00:06:14I'm sorry, baby
00:06:15I love you
00:06:17I love you
00:06:19Hmm?
00:06:20What?
00:06:21Maybe what?
00:06:21Did you not hear the way you said I love you just now?
00:06:23Yeah, it sounded normal
00:06:24You sound like Morpheus
00:06:25Try it again
00:06:27I love you
00:06:28Oh, wow
00:06:31Just keep it casual, like
00:06:32Love ya
00:06:34Love ya
00:06:36You get it
00:06:39There's racist, Pam
00:06:40I have to do something so she knows I hate her
00:06:42Trust me, everyone you hate
00:06:44Is already well aware you hate them
00:06:47Well, you do something so she knows you hate her, too
00:06:50Like what?
00:06:51I mean, how many dicks can I tell her to eat at this point?
00:06:53It's redundant
00:06:54We're getting closer
00:06:55Think of something
00:06:57Good morning
00:07:02That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen
00:07:04You want to go home and have a quick?
00:07:06Oh, sure
00:07:07All right
00:07:07Come on, let's go
00:07:10Done
00:07:11Look at me
00:07:12Building shit
00:07:13So mask
00:07:14Is it turning you on?
00:07:15It would be if you were doing it correctly
00:07:17Come on
00:07:18There's nothing more mask than confidently doing something incorrectly
00:07:22Unless I was, like, standing by a grill
00:07:24And simultaneously overcooking and undercooking sausages
00:07:29Appreciate it, man
00:07:31Yo, Pops
00:07:32Yeah
00:07:32I put some extra peppers in that bag for Graham
00:07:36And I'll see y'all at Sunday dinner
00:07:37Where are you off to?
00:07:39He's got a booty call
00:07:41That's, uh
00:07:41He knows where the booty call is
00:07:43Jeez, man, I'm in my 40s
00:07:45Oh, so is she
00:07:47Oh
00:07:50Older to buried
00:07:50Sweeter to juice
00:07:52Sometimes I miss when we weren't talking
00:07:54Ah
00:07:54All right
00:08:00Huge news
00:08:01You found my last pair of clean boxers
00:08:03What?
00:08:03No, no
00:08:04The Wesleyan soccer coach is coming to my next game to watch me play
00:08:08Wow
00:08:09Yeah
00:08:09That's exciting, too
00:08:11Hey
00:08:13Bingo
00:08:13Good news keeps coming
00:08:15Ew, you're going commando right now?
00:08:18No
00:08:19Ew, again
00:08:19I'm moving past it
00:08:21I'm going to play soccer in Connecticut
00:08:26It's weird
00:08:27Everyone around me seems to be so full of joy lately
00:08:29I still get knocked on my ass by the smallest things
00:08:32It's funny
00:08:33My friend Paul
00:08:33He got me thinking
00:08:34We all have agency
00:08:37And maybe happiness is not this impossible thing
00:08:40You just have to choose it
00:08:42Why are you saying this to me?
00:08:44My mistake
00:08:46You're like the happiest person I know
00:08:47Listen
00:08:48You don't have to try and inspire me every time we talk
00:08:51Why can't we just sit and enjoy our coffees?
00:08:54Because the coffee from your shop is almost a hate crime
00:08:57Bear
00:08:57Why do you think the coyote is so sad?
00:09:00Maybe because you call it a coyote
00:09:01That's not British
00:09:03That's just
00:09:03Coyote
00:09:05Coyote
00:09:05Nope
00:09:06Okay
00:09:07I gotta ask
00:09:09Are you happy spending your days handing out the Wi-Fi password and heating up milk?
00:09:14Hey, I also have complete creative control over how the muffins are arranged
00:09:17Okay
00:09:18Didn't you used to be a graphic designer?
00:09:21Yeah
00:09:21You know the logo at the farmer's market?
00:09:24Yeah
00:09:24That was me
00:09:25Get the fuck out of here
00:09:27I see that every time I go to the farmer's market
00:09:30Yeah, that's how it works
00:09:34At some point you're gonna have to restart your life
00:09:37I know
00:09:40I'm just finally feeling okay where I am
00:09:44I think I don't want to risk messing with that
00:09:46Yeah
00:09:47I get that
00:09:49Alice and I are doing really great right now
00:09:50She's gonna be heading off to college soon
00:09:54All I want is for her to live with me until I die peacefully
00:09:57And then she can go off
00:09:58And make whatever mistakes a young woman in her 70s might make
00:10:01Well, that sounds healthy
00:10:04How you dealing with it?
00:10:06Same thing I tell my patients
00:10:07Fake it till you make it
00:10:08I'm gonna be supportive
00:10:10Do everything I can to help her get into Wesleyan
00:10:12Pretend I'm not dying inside
00:10:24I'm just practicing
00:10:25Because I know you're gonna get one today
00:10:27Are you seriously putting that much pressure on me?
00:10:30What? No
00:10:30You don't have to score at all
00:10:32If I don't, I'm doomed
00:10:35I hope whatever you want to happen
00:10:37Happens
00:10:38Without you feeling like it has to happen
00:10:40I still can't figure out how to wear my new haircut for the game
00:10:43Do I wear a headband?
00:10:44Or half up?
00:10:45Or
00:10:45Hey, hey
00:10:46I love it
00:10:48You know, your mom used to wear her hair like that when we first met
00:10:51Wait, really?
00:10:52No, I don't know why I said that
00:10:54You made me really nervous with the whole goal versus no goal issue
00:10:57Um, I do have one small request
00:11:00Can we do face paint for the game today?
00:11:03She said no, Derek
00:11:05Come on!
00:11:07Jess is still good though, yeah?
00:11:09She said no paint anywhere
00:11:11What are we, Quakers?
00:11:13When did I join Club No Fun?
00:11:17Why did he have it on already?
00:11:19He says he gives it time to settle
00:11:21Hey, I'm leaving!
00:11:24Okay
00:11:24I'm coming!
00:11:25Okay, listen
00:11:26I've been visualizing this
00:11:28The Wesleyan coach loves you
00:11:31You get to go to your dream college in New England
00:11:34My turtleneck game is fire
00:11:36I'm there for all the big games
00:11:37Season opener
00:11:39Homecoming
00:11:39Neighbors weekend
00:11:41Parents weekend
00:11:42We'll see
00:11:43Are you good?
00:11:44I didn't really sleep
00:11:45I'm losing my shit a bit
00:11:46Hey, if you start to feel nervous out there
00:11:48I want you to look up into the stands
00:11:50And see all of us
00:11:51And borrow our positive energy
00:11:53And we're gonna project it at you
00:11:55We're gonna be like
00:12:00Dad, what is wrong with you?
00:12:02You look like you're vomiting on her
00:12:03I know, I heard it
00:12:04Hey, Alice
00:12:06We're really proud of you
00:12:07I haven't played yet
00:12:09Doesn't matter
00:12:17Morning
00:12:18Did I put that smile on your face?
00:12:20You did
00:12:25I think we should end this
00:12:27And by this
00:12:28You mean the talking before the sex, right?
00:12:31When I met you
00:12:32I'd just gotten divorced
00:12:33And I needed something sexy and fun
00:12:37And along comes a hot younger man
00:12:40Who called me Dr. Sykes in bed
00:12:43Well, there's no way I'm learning your first name now
00:12:47I think it's time for me to stop hiding from the future
00:12:51Okay, that sucks
00:12:52Are you really gonna pretend this is super serious to you?
00:12:55Nah, but
00:12:58I am gonna miss it
00:13:00Well, I didn't say how to end this second
00:13:02Oh, so we're doing a ramping alley to the day
00:13:06Doing the gospel choir with some pop-pop fireworks
00:13:09Yeah, but I gotta be at work in 15
00:13:10I can do it, no frills, Ted
00:13:12Come here, Dr. Sykes
00:13:14No shit
00:13:14She really broke up with you
00:13:17Yeah
00:13:19You seem surprised
00:13:20Only because she hasn't called me yet
00:13:23We talked about it more
00:13:25And she said that being with me
00:13:26Was keeping her from moving forward
00:13:29I understand it
00:13:30But it's still annoying
00:13:32Well, maybe it's annoying
00:13:33Because deep down you realize
00:13:35That you should be moving on, too
00:13:36I know you want more
00:13:38A real relationship
00:13:41Your own place
00:13:42A sailboat in Connecticut
00:13:46Okay, the last one's mine
00:13:48But point is
00:13:49If you're not growing
00:13:51You're not living
00:13:53Now, I lived this morning
00:13:54Twice
00:13:55I'll make a note of that
00:13:59Patient keeps bragging
00:14:01Despite having been dumped
00:14:03I missed the notebook
00:14:05So do I, kid
00:14:06My handwriting got too shaky
00:14:08Have I taught you about the field?
00:14:13Is this more your crunchy-munchy spiritual crap?
00:14:16Life is a conversation with the universe
00:14:18And we're off
00:14:20The field is an intelligent energy force
00:14:23That knows who you are supposed to be
00:14:26And it's going to keep demonstrating to you
00:14:28What it is you need to work on most
00:14:31Over and over again
00:14:33Until you start to do it
00:14:35Damn
00:14:36That actually sounds like it would be very helpful
00:14:39If it were real
00:14:42Why are you smiling?
00:14:44Because I'm just thinking about
00:14:45How much I'm going to enjoy it
00:14:47When you find out that the field is real
00:14:49And when that happens
00:14:51You don't even have to tell me I was right
00:14:54Just
00:14:54I don't know
00:14:57Throw me some prayer hands
00:15:00Like I'm a god
00:15:03How about I hit you with a sexy wink?
00:15:07You call that sexy?
00:15:09Okay, let me see your game
00:15:15Alright, I'd hit that
00:15:17You couldn't handle it
00:15:20It's a lot
00:15:21Redoing the upstairs guest bathroom
00:15:24And I appreciate that my husband's giving me carte blanche budget-wise
00:15:29But every time I try to tell him what I want to do creatively
00:15:34He doesn't want to hear it
00:15:36Brave women are off in silence, Kathy
00:15:38You, Rosa Parks
00:15:40Pussy Riot
00:15:43Yeah, and I know I shouldn't have said that
00:15:45But her problem just felt so trivial
00:15:46I couldn't stay focused
00:15:48Man, I zone out sometimes, too
00:15:49I have this one patient
00:15:51Gregory
00:15:52Goes by Spider
00:15:53He's got the great nickname
00:15:54He's covered in tats
00:15:56He's always wearing some cool boots
00:15:57This guy
00:15:59Is so fucking boring
00:16:01Hey, am I early?
00:16:03Gregory
00:16:05Hey, hey, man
00:16:07How goes it?
00:16:08We're gonna go do this
00:16:10Yeah, go
00:16:11Every time I doubt myself as a therapist
00:16:13He goes and does something so stupid
00:16:15That it makes me feel better about myself
00:16:17That's why I keep him around
00:16:19Yeah
00:16:20You know, everybody I've been treating these days
00:16:22Just seems to be caught up in such low-stakes shit
00:16:24I know suffering is suffering
00:16:25And I'm grateful to make a living doing what we do
00:16:30But I don't know that stuff with my sister
00:16:31My dad being bipolar
00:16:34Like, I got into this
00:16:35Because I wanted to help people deal with real trauma
00:16:39Like, sometimes I just feel like
00:16:40I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing
00:16:42Does that make any sense?
00:16:45My first job was at Bellevue
00:16:48Suicidal ideation
00:16:49Personality disorders
00:16:51Schizophrenia
00:16:52All of it
00:16:53How was it?
00:16:54It was the worst job I ever had
00:16:56Really?
00:16:58Also the best
00:17:01It'd be great there
00:17:04Thanks, Paul
00:17:05As a doctor
00:17:07Or as a patient
00:17:10Whatever
00:17:10Okay, I've been thinking about the color scheme in your nursery
00:17:13For the curtains
00:17:14I have two swatches for you to choose from
00:17:17Tell them the truth
00:17:17I have one swatch
00:17:19And I'm really excited to hear your thoughts
00:17:22Truth
00:17:22I don't care what you think
00:17:24And I also chose the wallpaper
00:17:26Oh, you know, actually
00:17:27Ava's coming to see us tomorrow
00:17:29She might have some fun thoughts, decor-wise
00:17:31You know, Derek's brother used to eat candles
00:17:34What?
00:17:35Oh, I thought we were talking about stupid shit that doesn't matter
00:17:37Okay, just show me the baby's wallpaper
00:17:40Well, not yet
00:17:40The most important person isn't here
00:17:42Rude
00:17:42I told you Charlie couldn't make it
00:17:44Well, who gives a shit about Charlie?
00:17:46Suicidal
00:17:46Hey!
00:17:47No!
00:17:48Now we can begin
00:17:52So, what do you think?
00:17:54God, it's so peaceful
00:17:55Don't interrupt Gabby
00:17:56I can't interrupt her while she's thinking
00:17:58Brian, please, Daniel
00:17:59All right, I'm sorry
00:18:00Oh, Liz, I love it
00:18:03It's so peaceful
00:18:04Plus, if you're ever feeling lazy
00:18:06And you don't want to take the baby for a walk
00:18:07You can just be like
00:18:08Look up at the sky, baby
00:18:09We're already outside
00:18:11Babies are dumb
00:18:12Can you believe she thinks she gets to make all these decisions about my baby?
00:18:15Yeah, you knew what you was getting into when you hired Nanny McLiz
00:18:18I made it perfectly clear you would be dealing with a major control freak
00:18:23I'm the worst
00:18:23Oh
00:18:25Hey
00:18:26Um, I'm just, I'm gonna take this out back
00:18:31Hey, you
00:18:32What was that about?
00:18:33I don't know
00:18:34The past few days he's been taking secret calls
00:18:37It's so weird
00:18:39Usually he answers the phone on speakerphone
00:18:40It makes everyone say hi to whoever it is on the line
00:18:43It makes me crazy
00:18:45Obviously he's a revenge cheating on you
00:18:46What?
00:18:47Yeah, it's the one-year rule
00:18:48He gets that much time to do the same thing you did with no consequences
00:18:53Liz
00:18:54Oh
00:18:55Damn, dude, you broke her
00:18:57Liz, I was joking
00:18:58It was just a joke
00:18:58Hey, come back, girl
00:18:59Come back
00:19:00Hey, come on
00:19:01We got a soccer game to get to
00:19:02Let's go
00:19:03Let's go
00:19:04Let's go
00:19:05Let's go
00:19:06Let's go
00:19:07Let's go
00:19:07Let's go
00:19:08Let's go
00:19:09What's up with her?
00:19:10Oh, she's just kind of freaked out
00:19:11Because she thinks Derek might be cheating on her
00:19:13The one-year rule
00:19:15It happens
00:19:16Dude, it's real?
00:19:19Yeah
00:19:20Come on
00:19:21He's pumped
00:19:22He
00:19:22I pumped
00:19:23You pumped
00:19:24What's soccer?
00:19:26We pumped
00:19:27Wait for me
00:19:27Wait for me
00:20:12There's beneficiaries
00:20:14It still feels like a good lesson for you
00:20:16Look, it means the world
00:20:17You're all showing up like this
00:20:47I'm not sure Alice
00:20:49Let's go
00:20:50You're not cheering?
00:20:51She's just stretching
00:20:52Stretching like a beast
00:20:55I didn't say beast
00:20:56Yeah, don't call women beast, dude
00:20:57A beast is a good thing in sports
00:21:00Oh, I don't know
00:21:01All that
00:21:02I can make it complicated
00:21:06Go, go Alice
00:21:08Wait, why aren't you out there?
00:21:11The coach suggested I might be better as a fan
00:21:13Shut up
00:21:14Every coach I ever had said that to me
00:21:17Okay
00:21:18Let's go Alice
00:21:19Woo
00:21:20But you can't aim me when you break all the sleep
00:21:24I'm sorry
00:21:25Okay
00:21:25Okay
00:21:26All right
00:21:27Go, go, go, go, go
00:21:31Yes, great pass
00:21:33Okay, hey, that was a great idea Alice
00:21:37She likes it when I stay positive
00:21:39Well, I'm not you
00:21:40Hey, ponytail
00:21:41When Alice gives you a good pass
00:21:43Finish it
00:21:44Yeah, you
00:21:45Jesus
00:21:46Oh, no
00:21:47I don't want to tell you
00:21:48Let's go Alice
00:21:50Come on
00:21:50Come on
00:21:51Come on
00:21:51Come on
00:21:52That's it
00:21:52Come on Alice
00:21:54Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
00:21:58God, that's a foul
00:21:59Play on
00:22:00Come on
00:22:01What game are you watching?
00:22:03Pull your head out of your ass
00:22:05Oh my gosh
00:22:05We are so cute
00:22:07Go, go, go
00:22:13It's all right
00:22:13Hey, you're a doctor, right?
00:22:15I'm having so much trouble focusing
00:22:18I'm not giving you that at all
00:22:25Hey, don't touch my little girl
00:22:31Nice and calm, sweetie
00:22:39Wait, wait, um, hey, everybody
00:22:41I need you to do what I do, okay?
00:22:50Okay, like that
00:22:50Ugh, you had to do it
00:23:12Look at what you know
00:23:14He was listening to
00:23:14Oh God
00:23:14There he is
00:23:19No other
00:23:20Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice!
00:23:26Okay, it's getting weird.
00:23:27Hey, Alice? You have a second?
00:23:29Sure.
00:23:29Is that the Wesleyan code?
00:23:31Don't look!
00:23:32I don't give a shit. I'm staring her down.
00:23:39Paul? Paul? I feel like that's the exact wrong approach for this moment.
00:23:45So, if you two are definitely switching your power of attorney,
00:23:47I'd also recommend updating your 401ks and getting Julie on the deed to your condo,
00:23:52which is a tricky process.
00:23:53You need a notary and a witness and the whisker of a snow leopard.
00:23:57What do I have to sign to get you to stop talking?
00:23:59Hey! You asked me, Grumpus!
00:24:02Ignore him. It's all just... I don't know. It just feels so complicated.
00:24:06What if you two just got married? Wouldn't that take care of most of this?
00:24:11You know, he's... he's not wrong.
00:24:14I mean, what little girl hasn't dreamed of getting married so that she has fewer forms to fill out?
00:24:20Yeah, I will do it.
00:24:21Yeah.
00:24:27Did you just propose to my girlfriend for me?
00:24:37Paul, no, no, no, no, no. It's too delicious. Don't rush it.
00:24:46My bad.
00:24:59It'll be fine.
00:25:01I don't think it will.
00:25:04Hey, babe.
00:25:05Hey.
00:25:06Uh, I have a confession to make.
00:25:10The call I took yesterday...
00:25:11Wait, I knew it.
00:25:12Is it that lady from your cornhole league?
00:25:15Hmm?
00:25:16Are you screwing the corn whore?
00:25:18No, Sharon is asexual.
00:25:19To know that, you must be talking to her way too much.
00:25:22Look, all the calls were Matthew.
00:25:26He got fired again.
00:25:28And he wanted my help breaking the news to you.
00:25:30Well, why wouldn't he just tell me?
00:25:32Maybe he feels like sometimes you can be a little hard on him.
00:25:37Hmm.
00:25:38Like when he was five?
00:25:39And he scratched your car so you broke the bell on his tricycle.
00:25:43Eye for an eye.
00:25:44Exactly.
00:25:45I think he thinks it would just go smoother if I softened you up first.
00:25:49Your butt looks slammin' in those pants, by the way.
00:25:54Go on.
00:25:57He needs to move back home.
00:26:00Again?
00:26:00Yes.
00:26:01When is this kid gonna get his act together?
00:26:03I know, honey, he's struggling.
00:26:05What else are we gonna do?
00:26:08When does he want to move back?
00:26:11About six hours ago.
00:26:13Hey, Mom.
00:26:15Your butt looks slammin' in those butt-tocks now for you.
00:26:18Alright.
00:26:19Come here.
00:26:20Give me a hug.
00:26:22You, Harvard, may continue.
00:26:24Look at those two scoops.
00:26:28Good morning.
00:26:29Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:31Time to face the music.
00:26:32I want to see this.
00:26:34Look, Paul, I'm sorry I proposed to your girlfriend.
00:26:37And I'm prepared to accept whatever punishment you deem fit.
00:26:40Office chores, silent treatment, even a light spanking, if that's still how your generation handles things.
00:26:46You're not in trouble.
00:26:48Boo!
00:26:49Do the light spanking.
00:26:50Turns out getting married solves most of our issues.
00:26:53So we're just gonna go down to the justice of the peace this weekend.
00:26:57When they ask if we take each other to be man and wife, Julie's just gonna say,
00:27:03I guess so.
00:27:04And I'm gonna say, why not?
00:27:07Easy peasy.
00:27:08Yeah, I'm sorry, Paul.
00:27:09It's gonna be a huge no for me on the non-wedding wedding thing.
00:27:12Okay.
00:27:12I'm not in trouble.
00:27:13And this feels dangerous.
00:27:15So I'm just gonna grab some breakfast and exit on a win.
00:27:20Oh, uh, come on.
00:27:22You know I love you and Julie.
00:27:24Let me just throw a little something together.
00:27:29Fuck no.
00:27:30Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.
00:27:31Weddings aren't for the people that are getting married.
00:27:33It's for their parents, their grandparents, etc.
00:27:36And in your case, they're all super dead.
00:27:37So this wedding kind of like, really, when you think about it, it's just for me.
00:27:41Julie doesn't want anything either.
00:27:44I'm already dialing her.
00:27:45Don't do this.
00:27:45I'm doing it.
00:27:46She wants to talk to me all the time.
00:27:50Hey, Gabby.
00:27:51To what do I owe the pleasure?
00:27:52Ooh.
00:27:53Pleasure.
00:27:54Now I'm so flustered I forgot why I was calling.
00:27:57Okay.
00:27:58Keep it in your pants.
00:27:59You know what you do to me, girl.
00:28:01I'm here.
00:28:02So what would you say if I put together a teeny tiny non-wedding wedding?
00:28:08Uh, no priests.
00:28:09They're super creepy.
00:28:10Self-serve wine bar.
00:28:11The dress code will be black-tie forbidden.
00:28:13And you still get to go with me to pick out a pretty dress that shows off those gorgeous
00:28:16sculpted angel wings you call arms.
00:28:19Okay.
00:28:20Give the phone to Paul, please.
00:28:25You really do have sculpted angel arms.
00:28:29And how do we stop this?
00:28:31I think we just have to put her down.
00:28:34Come on, Paul.
00:28:36You know I've been feeling a little lost lately.
00:28:38I need this.
00:28:39I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking to marry a different girl.
00:28:44Once again, fuck no.
00:28:48Okay, fine.
00:28:49Yes!
00:28:50God, yes!
00:28:51Dammit!
00:28:52You're not gonna regret it, sexy.
00:28:53Yeah, yeah.
00:28:53Okay, bye, bye.
00:28:55I do not agree to this.
00:29:01Coach will be here soon.
00:29:03But that is fine, you know why?
00:29:05You know why?
00:29:06Because we are ready.
00:29:07All right?
00:29:08The house is clean.
00:29:09I scattered some soccer balls around for ambiance.
00:29:11Then I tripped on one.
00:29:12Hence, the limp.
00:29:14Then I removed them all because that was ridiculous.
00:29:15What about snacks?
00:29:16We good to go?
00:29:17If hors d'oeuvres could get into Wesleyan, this cheese board would get a full ride.
00:29:20I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm already picturing myself in Connecticut.
00:29:25Like, who is East Coast Alice?
00:29:28How do I even dress?
00:29:30I asked Liz and all she said was she looks amazing in turtlenecks.
00:29:33I'm nervous.
00:29:35What if I pull a dad?
00:29:36What, act weird and word vomit all over her?
00:29:39Exactly.
00:29:40Right.
00:29:40If it starts to go south, just play the dead mom card.
00:29:45You know the thing where you mention your mom died and people give you whatever you want.
00:29:48I don't do that anymore.
00:29:50Excuse me?
00:29:52Two weeks ago you got out of building sets in drama class by saying the smell of wood reminded you
00:29:57of caskets.
00:29:58I'll admit, this is a recent change.
00:30:00Someone pointed out I'm perhaps using it as a crutch, so I'm done.
00:30:05Wow.
00:30:06I'm proud of you because am I being casually robbed right now?
00:30:11Matthew got fired again, so he's home.
00:30:13But he's not at home.
00:30:15My mom said it was okay.
00:30:16Oh.
00:30:21Oh, Liz.
00:30:22Sean, Matthew.
00:30:23Matthew, Sean.
00:30:25You really like cheese, huh?
00:30:26Yeah.
00:30:28Absolutely not.
00:30:29Come on.
00:30:30There's no food left here.
00:30:32He keeps eating and eating.
00:30:34He's like a Pac-Man.
00:30:35It's not my problem.
00:30:37When Tia died, I fed your kid for a year.
00:30:46Wow.
00:30:47Liz played our dead mom card?
00:30:49And she played it well.
00:30:51Oh.
00:30:52Yeah.
00:30:53Your wife died.
00:30:54That sucks.
00:30:56Yeah.
00:30:57Time for you to go.
00:30:58Nope.
00:31:03Holy crap.
00:31:04That's her.
00:31:04That's her.
00:31:05I can't breathe.
00:31:06I can't breathe.
00:31:06Pit's immediately sweating.
00:31:07I do.
00:31:08I'll get the door, Jimmy.
00:31:10Say your goodbyes.
00:31:11What?
00:31:11I have to go?
00:31:12It's a shame.
00:31:13I memorized all these amazing soccer facts.
00:31:15Did you know Pele was the first spokesperson for Viagra?
00:31:18Did you know that that's gross?
00:31:20Okay.
00:31:21If you want to give any last second advice, this is your chance.
00:31:24Ready?
00:31:25Okay.
00:31:25When you shake her hand, make sure it's firm, but not too firm.
00:31:29No matter what she chooses from that motherfucking cheese plate, you say,
00:31:33nice choice.
00:31:35Most of all, just be yourself.
00:31:39You're the best.
00:31:42Oh.
00:31:43Hello.
00:31:44Hi.
00:31:45James Laird.
00:31:47Passionate girl dad.
00:31:48Firm, but not too firm.
00:31:50Nice choice.
00:31:51Maggie Bohan.
00:31:52You have a very impressive daughter.
00:31:54Thanks.
00:31:57Also, I'm not her biological father.
00:31:59Her mother had an affair with David Beckham.
00:32:01And we're going.
00:32:02I know, Sean.
00:32:02I was there when it happened.
00:32:04Wow.
00:32:05It's so true what they say.
00:32:06You are literally glowing.
00:32:08Thanks.
00:32:09I'm so gassy.
00:32:10It makes me sweaty.
00:32:11However you got there, it's working for you.
00:32:13So, what do you think of the nursery?
00:32:16You're fine.
00:32:17Take my hand.
00:32:18I mean, the light is so lovely in here.
00:32:22And the crib is perfect.
00:32:24The only thing I'm not sure about is that wallpaper.
00:32:27No.
00:32:29When I was a kid, I always wanted Winnie the Pooh on my wall, but my mom only allowed Bible
00:32:34characters.
00:32:35Like beautiful angels?
00:32:36Like Cain killing Abel.
00:32:38That's horrifying.
00:32:39I was a pretty lonely kid.
00:32:41The first book I ever read was Winnie the Pooh and he had all those friends and...
00:32:46I'm so sorry.
00:32:47I hope I'm not overstepping.
00:32:48Not at all.
00:32:49No, no.
00:32:50Totally fine.
00:32:54Oh, it's totally fine.
00:32:56I think Winnie the Pooh's a great idea.
00:32:58Winnie the Pooh could suck my dick.
00:32:59Please, no.
00:33:00Winnie don't do that.
00:33:01Well, you just have to dip it in honey first.
00:33:05Winnie loves honey.
00:33:06Alright, just admit it.
00:33:07You're being petty because Ava didn't like your ideas and now you're gonna hold a grudge
00:33:11forever.
00:33:11Just like a crow.
00:33:12I'm not sure I love that.
00:33:15Okay.
00:33:15Yes.
00:33:16I'm petty.
00:33:17And yes, I've been known to hold grudges.
00:33:19And yes, forever.
00:33:20True that.
00:33:21But this is about boundaries, Brian.
00:33:22You're about to adopt a baby.
00:33:25Have you even discussed with Ava how much you want her to be involved?
00:33:28Are you seriously asking if we've sorted something that important this close to the delivery
00:33:33date?
00:33:33Of course we haven't.
00:33:34Liz!
00:33:35Oh, everyone's here.
00:33:36Guys, go sit down.
00:33:37Brian, your thing's over.
00:33:38Great.
00:33:39Hey.
00:33:40Hey.
00:33:40Paul, Julie, thank you for coming.
00:33:43Why are we here?
00:33:44So, I can tell you about a little movie made in 2001 in which Miss Jennifer Lopez inspired
00:33:51a generation by showing us that if you're hot and you have a heart of gold, you can plan
00:33:56the best wedding ever even if you're short on time and you want to bang the fiancee.
00:33:59Shout out to Julie.
00:34:01Anyway, for the next few days, I am your motherfucking wedding planner.
00:34:06Yes!
00:34:07You're G-Lo.
00:34:08That's right.
00:34:08I don't get it.
00:34:09I love that movie, but why do we need a wedding planner?
00:34:13Wait, you love that movie?
00:34:14Hey, focus!
00:34:16Please!
00:34:16Because we are moving fast on this wedding.
00:34:18Okay?
00:34:18It will take place in front of this house because the lovely, gorgeous Liz has kindly agreed
00:34:23to host.
00:34:23Anything for my therapist.
00:34:25I talked to you once on a bench.
00:34:27I don't want credit for any of this.
00:34:30Confidentiality.
00:34:31My bad.
00:34:31Oh.
00:34:33Also, Paul, Julie, I know we spoke about keeping things small, but that shit is over.
00:34:37Okay?
00:34:37Things grow.
00:34:38They get more funner.
00:34:39Um, there will be food.
00:34:40Food.
00:34:41A dance floor.
00:34:42Dance floor.
00:34:42String lights out of the ass.
00:34:43Ass.
00:34:44Thought you liked that, Bri.
00:34:45This isn't happening.
00:34:46Oh, it's happening, Paul.
00:34:47And it's your fault for letting me in, sucker.
00:34:49Anyway, moving on to the expanded guest list.
00:34:52I spoke to Meg yesterday and she and Dave are flying in.
00:34:56Oh, Dave.
00:34:56I know.
00:34:56She did say she was not super psyched to hear about her father's engagement from me,
00:35:00so I would give her a call.
00:35:02Also, because we are short on time and because he would literally cry if it wasn't him,
00:35:08Jimmy is going to be the officiant.
00:35:10Yeah!
00:35:13In your fucking face!
00:35:15In your face!
00:35:17In your face!
00:35:18I've dreamt of this!
00:35:19Okay, this is great.
00:35:21Sorry.
00:35:22I'm cool.
00:35:24I have the best opening joke.
00:35:27I want to tell you guys, but I don't want to save it for the wedding.
00:35:30Jesus.
00:35:31Calm your ass down, Paul.
00:35:32All you have to do is show up.
00:35:33Like, I don't know how I can make it easier for you.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:37Also, Jimmy, when Gorgeous and I decide a color scheme,
00:35:40I need you to take Paul to buy a tie and a pocket square that match.
00:35:44No, no, no.
00:35:44That's two show-ups.
00:35:45Actually, Paul, it's three show-ups.
00:35:47You need to show up to the store, you need to show up to your own goddamn wedding,
00:35:50and show up with a better fucking attitude.
00:35:52Come with me, Queen.
00:35:53I want to talk to you about some stuff.
00:35:54I actually feel more comfortable with you when there's a witness.
00:35:57Oh, so you want somebody to watch.
00:35:58I love that.
00:36:00Great game the other day.
00:36:01The crowd was so rowdy.
00:36:03Especially that older gentleman.
00:36:05Yeah.
00:36:06That was my, um, cranky therapist grandpa.
00:36:11And that tall lady wearing all the colors.
00:36:13She's my hero godmother.
00:36:14And then there was Brian, who's my gunkle godfather.
00:36:18And Sean.
00:36:19More people.
00:36:20And the woman who made our goalie cry.
00:36:22That's my neighbor mother.
00:36:23Yeah.
00:36:24Well, that's great.
00:36:25I mean, we're-
00:36:25And heads up, I can't be responsible for what any of those people do
00:36:29if you don't let me onto the team.
00:36:31You're lucky to have such a big and frighteningly loyal support group.
00:36:37Yeah.
00:36:38I really am.
00:36:41Okay, so look.
00:36:42We have the reputation of being a defensive team.
00:36:45That's why we're looking to add more attackers like yourself.
00:36:48So.
00:36:53Nice meeting you, coach.
00:36:55You too, Alice.
00:36:56Sorry it didn't work out.
00:36:59Hey.
00:37:00You're making a big mistake.
00:37:02She's great.
00:37:03You don't have to sell me.
00:37:03She turned me down.
00:37:09Sean?
00:37:10Let's go inside.
00:37:12Oh!
00:37:13Thanks for meeting us here.
00:37:14We're all helping to get ready for our friends impromptu wedding.
00:37:17That's so kind.
00:37:19Wow, even Brian?
00:37:20Yes, Stuart, you shady little bitch.
00:37:23I know how to be kind.
00:37:23I'm just not a whore about it.
00:37:25Hi, Stuart, I'm Gabby.
00:37:26Hi, I think we're-
00:37:27No time for chit chat.
00:37:28I heard you're great at wrapping silverware with a napkin and putting a ribbon on it.
00:37:31Go.
00:37:33This might be the first time I've been attracted to a woman.
00:37:38Thank God you're here.
00:37:39Oh.
00:37:40No, Liz, this meeting isn't for you.
00:37:42Sister, lights are for you.
00:37:43Okay?
00:37:44Actually, it might be better for everybody if you just went inside and set up the bar.
00:37:47I want to stay outside and do the lights.
00:37:49No, you want to stay outside and get in their business.
00:37:52I can do both.
00:37:53You cannot.
00:37:53You're coming with me.
00:37:54Come on.
00:37:54Listen, you've got to figure this Ava stuff out right now.
00:37:58Your intrusive friend is not wrong.
00:38:00Well, I wish you'd told us that.
00:38:02I believe you have a text from me two weeks ago that says you should figure out this Ava stuff.
00:38:07Maybe follow up.
00:38:08Try going the extra mile.
00:38:09How about that?
00:38:10I am currently rolling silverware for strangers.
00:38:13But not for us, Stuart.
00:38:15Look, it's up to you to define the parameters.
00:38:18For example, you could create a structure where there's regular visitation annually.
00:38:23Like she's Santa?
00:38:25We can't compete with that.
00:38:26Okay.
00:38:26Or monthly.
00:38:27Like a car payment.
00:38:29Less of a threat to your fragile ego.
00:38:32Either way, the benefit is having another loving adult in your child's life.
00:38:36Well, that could be nice.
00:38:37Yeah, if you think shit shows are nice.
00:38:39Oh, boy.
00:38:40I'm back.
00:38:41She took her eye off me.
00:38:43Listen, when I had Matthew, my maternal instinct kicked in so hard that when the nurse came in to give
00:38:49the baby a bath, I went feral on her. Bit her. Tasted blood.
00:38:54God.
00:38:55The point is, it's gonna be very hard for Ava to let go of this baby. And if you guys
00:39:01open the door even a crack, she's gonna be in your lives forever.
00:39:08There's no right or wrong way to do it.
00:39:10Short, are you a parent?
00:39:13No.
00:39:14Then you have too many opinions.
00:39:15Heard you're the nanny. This baby is so blessed.
00:39:18I think I've been avoiding this because I'm afraid if I say what I really want, it's gonna sound selfish.
00:39:24And that's just like, so not me.
00:39:25I know.
00:39:26But honestly, I'm happy to send her a picture and an update once a year. But I don't want Ava
00:39:34involved. This is our family.
00:39:38Ava, you sound passionate about this.
00:39:40I am.
00:39:43We want it to be just the two of us.
00:39:45The three of us.
00:39:47We have to go tell her. Let me know how it goes.
00:39:50Okay.
00:39:53You happy with this?
00:39:55No.
00:40:00Can I help you?
00:40:02You got a gun?
00:40:03Okay. Easy does it, Paul.
00:40:05Hi. We are looking for a tie and a pocket square in this color, please.
00:40:09Oh, I love a pocket square. It's like your suit is winking at people.
00:40:14What are you guys doing here?
00:40:16We have great style.
00:40:18Jimmy dresses like Mr. Rogers.
00:40:20Sorry, that's a direct quote from Gabby.
00:40:23Mr. Rogers.
00:40:23Mm-hmm.
00:40:24I'm blushing.
00:40:25Fred Rogers could get it.
00:40:26Incidentally, my great aunt had a lost weekend with Mr. Rogers.
00:40:30Oh.
00:40:30Said it was a very good day in the neighborhood.
00:40:33Oh.
00:40:34So the neighborhood was her vagina?
00:40:37Yes, Paul.
00:40:38That could've been her butt.
00:40:39Holy shit.
00:40:39That's more of a dark alley.
00:40:41Maybe you guys could just check out the rest of the store.
00:40:44Yeah.
00:40:44Yeah, we'll just go.
00:40:45I'm gonna stare right here.
00:40:47Damn it.
00:40:49I gotcha.
00:40:54Fuck Parkinson's.
00:40:57Fuck Parkinson's.
00:41:00Hey, uh, so when I marry you, is there anything you want me to say in particular?
00:41:04Cause I could go on for hours, but I know you'd hate that, so I thought I'd keep it under
00:41:07like 10, 20 minutes.
00:41:08You got one sentence.
00:41:10And try not to make it too seppy.
00:41:13Well then, maybe try not to have such a beautiful love story.
00:41:17Oh, Jimmy.
00:41:18When you get married, I am so gonna torture you.
00:41:25I'm never getting married again.
00:41:30Never's a long time, kid.
00:41:33I already found my soulmate.
00:41:36We got a beautiful daughter.
00:41:37What more could I ask for?
00:41:40Look, with Alice going away to college, I've done a lot of thinking about being alone.
00:41:43I got great friends.
00:41:44I got a job that I love.
00:41:46It's a good life.
00:41:50Besides, there's a certain person I know who spent most of their life alone, and they
00:41:53seem to really enjoy it.
00:41:54Who?
00:41:56You, fucker.
00:41:57Oh.
00:41:59Yeah.
00:42:02Hey, not that anyone's asking.
00:42:05They don't have belts.
00:42:07Which is a huge blind spot.
00:42:08Oh, yeah.
00:42:09They're just leaving money on the table, right?
00:42:11Also, the salesman said they don't have the pocket squares in the color that we want.
00:42:15Oh, well.
00:42:16But, they do have them at their other boutique.
00:42:20I never go to a second boutique.
00:42:27I can't believe she turned me down.
00:42:28Well, she's gonna regret it.
00:42:30I can text my cousin, Seamus.
00:42:32He will fuck her up.
00:42:33I found him through 23andMe, and he's like a full-blown psycho.
00:42:38Maybe take a beat on that.
00:42:40I mean, it sucks, but I can always go to college when you're here.
00:42:43What are you doing?
00:42:44I talked to the coach.
00:42:45You turned her down.
00:42:47You lied to me?
00:42:48No, I wasn't lying to you.
00:42:50I was practicing before I lied to my dad.
00:42:52Oh.
00:42:53Then you are 100% forgiven.
00:42:55Proud of you?
00:42:55Proud of your lies?
00:42:57I don't get it.
00:42:58You wanted this.
00:43:00When I talked to her, it reminded me how much you guys show up for me.
00:43:03You always do.
00:43:04Maybe I'm not ready to leave this.
00:43:07Feeling safe.
00:43:08I mean, you get it.
00:43:09You still live in the backyard.
00:43:11I don't live in the yard.
00:43:13There's a tiny house.
00:43:14Can you please just not narc to dad?
00:43:16Alice, I don't know.
00:43:17Sean, come on.
00:43:18My mom died.
00:43:21Sorry.
00:43:21Not doing that anymore.
00:43:25Please?
00:43:27Alright, fine.
00:43:28I won't say anything.
00:43:29I hope you mean that.
00:43:30Because there is nothing Seamus hates more than a snitch.
00:43:34Except for the royal family.
00:43:36He is supes political.
00:43:38Sorry your bachelorette party was just you trying on a dress
00:43:41and then making a list of all the guys you bopped.
00:43:43Impressive body count, by the way.
00:43:45The seventies were fun.
00:43:46You know, I didn't even get to tell the story about how I went to a bachelorette party
00:43:50and the stripper was my friend's son.
00:43:52It should have been really weird, but honestly I was really into it.
00:43:57He gave me eye contact the whole time.
00:43:59Feels like you did get to tell that story.
00:44:01I still think about that young man.
00:44:03I use it, if you know what I mean.
00:44:05I'm okay with my party being over.
00:44:08Jimmy went home.
00:44:09And your significant others, whose names I can't remember, went to the belt store.
00:44:15You know their names.
00:44:16I truly do not.
00:44:18Say their names.
00:44:20Okay, well, where's your tie and pocket square?
00:44:23Oh, come on dude.
00:44:25Who cares about this?
00:44:27We're at Liz's house.
00:44:29Not the Copacabana.
00:44:30This is so unnecessary.
00:44:33Paul.
00:44:34No, no, no.
00:44:36He's right.
00:44:36I mean, we can hit the courthouse and then just, I don't know, I'll have pizza over here
00:44:41or something.
00:44:41It'd be a lot less hassle.
00:44:43Exactly.
00:44:47I'll meet you in the car.
00:44:52Um, she said exactly what I wanted her to say, but I felt that there was something not
00:44:57good underneath it.
00:44:59What the heck's the matter with you?
00:45:00You're mad because you had to buy a tie and a hanky?
00:45:02You weren't there.
00:45:03Jimmy sexualized Mr. Rogers.
00:45:05And the Derricks would not stop talking.
00:45:08I knew you knew their names.
00:45:10Mm-hmm.
00:45:10Look, I know I'm knee deep in your nuptials.
00:45:13And as much as I love doing the electric side with white people, do you really think
00:45:17that this is all about me?
00:45:18Are you that dumb?
00:45:19Are you?
00:45:20Do you think I'd be doing all this if I couldn't tell Julie wanted it?
00:45:23Do you?
00:45:23Girl, sometimes it's alright to let me talk last.
00:45:25I'm sorry.
00:45:26I got excited.
00:45:27This is bullshit.
00:45:29Julie doesn't care.
00:45:36The car is gone.
00:45:37No way.
00:45:40Alright, you can say it.
00:45:42No fucking way.
00:45:45She said I wasn't a good fit for the team.
00:45:49She comes into our house and rejects me.
00:45:52Whatever.
00:45:53You know what?
00:45:54I'm over it.
00:45:55I'm over it.
00:45:56Hey.
00:45:58Screw Wesleyan.
00:46:00Come here.
00:46:03She's lying.
00:46:05Alice is the one who said no to the coach.
00:46:07Sean!
00:46:07You promised you wouldn't tell him!
00:46:09That's because I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to actually believe you.
00:46:12What college coach flies across the country just to reject someone?
00:46:16A kind, respectful one?
00:46:18I don't...
00:46:19What's going on?
00:46:20I don't want to talk about it.
00:46:21She thought about how much she'd miss all of us and it freaked her out.
00:46:24Could you please go back to your pool house?
00:46:27Hey, hold on.
00:46:27Sean can stay.
00:46:28He's part of this family.
00:46:30Sweet.
00:46:32Hey.
00:46:35I just don't think I'm ready to go yet.
00:46:39I know I'm not ready to leave you.
00:46:42Well, I understand that.
00:46:46It's okay not to be ready.
00:46:47You know, if you need more time, you just live here at home and go to school around here.
00:46:53Thanks, Dad.
00:46:54Eh!
00:46:54That's some bullshit, Jimmy.
00:46:56That bullshit is worse than her bullshit.
00:46:57You know she could do this.
00:46:59You just don't want her to leave.
00:47:00Dammit, I just made you family.
00:47:03As of now, you are out of the family.
00:47:05Return to the pool house.
00:47:06I cannot believe Paul was right and this field thing is real.
00:47:10Now I gotta wink at him all sensually.
00:47:13What are you talking about?
00:47:14You're both afraid to move forward.
00:47:17But you know you should.
00:47:20Fuck.
00:47:21All of us need to do that.
00:47:23Should we gang up on him?
00:47:24I think we should gang up on him.
00:47:26I want to so badly.
00:47:28But he's right.
00:47:30And it's very annoying.
00:47:33Kid, you can handle going away to college.
00:47:36After everything we've been through, it'll be a breeze.
00:47:39In a lot of ways, you lived on your own already.
00:47:42I sort of prepared you for this.
00:47:45Maybe that was my plan all along.
00:47:46No.
00:47:47Nice try, though.
00:47:50Fuck all these people that you're afraid of leaving.
00:47:52They're all gonna be here and get the fuck out of here, Matthew!
00:47:55Oh, there you are.
00:47:57Sorry.
00:47:58Come on, bud.
00:47:59We've got food for you at home.
00:48:00I just got yelled at for eating the food at home.
00:48:02Well, yeah.
00:48:03That was the wedding cake.
00:48:06Come on in.
00:48:07Make yourselves at home.
00:48:11Please, sit.
00:48:12Great, yeah.
00:48:13You both look so handsome.
00:48:14I love the looks.
00:48:16What's the occasion?
00:48:18We may or may not be going to a wedding in 45 minutes.
00:48:21Fingers crossed for it to either happen or not happen in a super dramatic way.
00:48:27That's so fun.
00:48:29Yeah, my mom and dad never went to stuff together.
00:48:32You ever see those couples where you can tell they shouldn't be married,
00:48:35but they just stay in it forever and ever because divorce is a sin?
00:48:38Good.
00:48:39We're back to the God stuff.
00:48:40Sorry.
00:48:41You probably didn't come by to hear about my childhood.
00:48:43No.
00:48:47So what did you want to talk about?
00:48:49Um.
00:48:50Hmm.
00:48:54Um.
00:48:57I made it weird.
00:48:58I do that sometimes.
00:48:59I do that, too.
00:49:00He does.
00:49:02It's just your family is so special and I feel lucky to be even a small part of it.
00:49:10I'm really grateful for you guys.
00:49:14Sorry.
00:49:15I'm done interrupting now.
00:49:16Your turn.
00:49:17Heh.
00:49:21So, how'd it go?
00:49:23You know, I bailed.
00:49:25I got one sentence in and asked her to spend the rest of her life with us.
00:49:28No.
00:49:30She said that I looked handsome and her family was sad.
00:49:33And she said that she liked my look and you know I've always been on the fence about this jacket.
00:49:36She famously has bad taste as we learned from the Winnie the Pooh fiasco.
00:49:41I know what you're gonna say.
00:49:42That I'm weak and I don't deserve this baby.
00:49:46It's just that Ava is so...
00:49:53Alone.
00:49:55You know?
00:49:58You...
00:50:01Are a weak man.
00:50:03I know.
00:50:04I know.
00:50:05I fucked up.
00:50:07And I would have done the same thing.
00:50:10Really?
00:50:12It sucks that we're such good people.
00:50:14I know, right?
00:50:16Not yet, problem drinkers.
00:50:17Where did you come from?
00:50:18Uh, what?
00:50:20Are you out of your freaking mind?
00:50:21I said no soft cheeses.
00:50:22Well, how do you have a walkie?
00:50:24Who are you talking to?
00:50:25Look, there's only a 50-50 chance our guests of honor are gonna show up.
00:50:27But we are going to have a wedding either way.
00:50:30Liz, I will marry you if I have to.
00:50:34Well, now I hope that Paul and Julie don't show up.
00:50:37I know.
00:50:38We all know.
00:50:40Don't drink that one.
00:50:41That one's for me.
00:50:41You take this little one.
00:50:49You gonna dress like this?
00:50:52Makes me feel like you're not into it.
00:50:56Hey, I thought we didn't care about any of this.
00:50:59I don't...
00:51:00I...
00:51:01I didn't.
00:51:04But then I tried on that dress and it was pretty.
00:51:08Plus, my 15-minute bachelorette party wasn't just me talking about all the guys I've been with.
00:51:14Excuse me?
00:51:17I...
00:51:17I told them how we met and about our first date at that Italian restaurant that we didn't realize was
00:51:24also a karaoke bar and how you talk sang total eclipse of the heart.
00:51:30And they were oohing and aahing and I just...
00:51:33I just got sucked in and I...
00:51:36My God, I just...
00:51:37I feel like...
00:51:38I just feel so stupid.
00:51:40No.
00:51:41You're not the stupid one.
00:51:42And...
00:51:43I promised myself I'd start enjoying life to the fullest and...
00:51:50But unfortunately...
00:51:52What I like most in life is...
00:51:56Being an asshole.
00:51:58You are great at it.
00:52:00Won't stop.
00:52:01Can't stop.
00:52:03What I should have been realizing is...
00:52:07What we have here.
00:52:10You.
00:52:11Me.
00:52:17That's worth celebrating.
00:52:20I mean...
00:52:21We could end up spending the next 50 years together.
00:52:26Oh, that's it?
00:52:27Well then you'll probably die and I'll meet someone else.
00:52:29Yes.
00:52:32I forgot something.
00:52:45Will you...
00:52:46Will you marry me?
00:52:51In 15 minutes?
00:52:57Yeah.
00:53:00Yeah.
00:53:00Yeah.
00:53:10So...
00:53:11Shotgun wedding, huh?
00:53:12Julie's pregnant?
00:53:13I knew I shouldn't have invited you.
00:53:16My wedding gift to my dad is that I didn't bring my husband Dave.
00:53:19You can't put a price on that.
00:53:22It means a lot that you came.
00:53:24Of course I came.
00:53:26You should get married every weekend.
00:53:28I want as much time as I can get with you.
00:53:34Keep it short, okay?
00:53:36Okay.
00:53:36We can hug and kiss too.
00:53:38Come on.
00:53:40I haven't been to a wedding on my own in a long time.
00:53:43It's kind of fun.
00:53:45I don't have to be a married mom here.
00:53:47I might drink too much.
00:53:48I might ask a stranger to dance.
00:53:50I might even try some flirty banter.
00:53:54You wanna give it a shot?
00:53:55Okay.
00:53:56Hey.
00:53:57My daddy's the groom.
00:54:00What's your daddy like?
00:54:03It was... you know what?
00:54:04It was... it was okay.
00:54:05You're gonna warm up?
00:54:06Uh-huh.
00:54:06Maybe just, like, say daddy less.
00:54:09I'm gonna start drinking.
00:54:11Okay.
00:54:12Have fun.
00:54:13Yeah.
00:54:13Yes, no, I understand.
00:54:15Yes, I get how it could seem like I'm not committed.
00:54:18It's the Wesleyan coach.
00:54:18I fucked this all up.
00:54:20Dead mom card.
00:54:21Last time ever.
00:54:24Play it hard.
00:54:27The thing is, I got in my head about leaving because my mom died not that long ago.
00:54:34Yeah.
00:54:35Yeah, I've been a bit of a mess since we lost mama.
00:54:38Mama?
00:54:41That is so kind of you.
00:54:42Oh, you will not regret this.
00:54:44Thank you so much.
00:54:45I can't wait.
00:54:46I'm going to Wesleyan.
00:54:49Okay, we're about to get this thing rolling.
00:54:51So, please, take your seats.
00:54:55You like awesome speeches?
00:55:09Let's get going.
00:55:11Are you going to sit down?
00:55:13I'm giving you away.
00:55:14Your dad never showed up.
00:55:16I've always been glad that he was dead, but now I'm even more glad.
00:55:43What are you doing?
00:55:44Nothing.
00:55:45Just a bug.
00:55:48Oh, that's perfect.
00:55:49I love you.
00:55:51Yes.
00:56:00Love you.
00:56:13Melons.
00:56:15Melons.
00:56:24Melons.
00:56:26You let that man inside you.
00:56:28Yeah, I'm not proud of it.
00:56:29I'm right here, guys.
00:56:30I do want to thank everybody for coming.
00:56:32Of course.
00:56:33And now.
00:56:34Nope.
00:56:35You had your melon joke, which we all felt violated by.
00:56:40Yes.
00:56:41That's your one sentence.
00:56:43That's your one sentence.
00:56:43No, Paul.
00:56:44That was a greeting, not a sentence.
00:56:46Let the man have his sentence.
00:56:48He needs it.
00:56:48He needs it.
00:56:49Dad, don't be a dick.
00:56:51Give him a phrase.
00:56:52Let him talk.
00:56:53I'm not scared of any of you.
00:56:54Okay, okay.
00:56:55You know what?
00:56:55Listen to me.
00:56:57Just do it for me, big guy.
00:56:59Okay?
00:57:00Fine.
00:57:02Go.
00:57:03Okay.
00:57:04We are here today to celebrate Paul and Julie, who are living examples that love can be found
00:57:12in the most unlikely of times and in the most unlikely of places.
00:57:17Comma.
00:57:18Which, in their case, was a cold and sterile doctor's office where they first locked eyes
00:57:25over Julie's stethoscope.
00:57:28Comma.
00:57:28And despite many obstacles, including the medical code of ethics, they forged a connection
00:57:35so deep and so strong that they managed to tear down the walls of a certain fortress of solitude once
00:57:45and for all.
00:57:47Semicolon.
00:57:48So, Paul and Julie, thank you so much for sharing this moment and your love with all of us.
00:57:59Because every single one of us is so lucky to get to love you back.
00:58:07Okay.
00:58:07Period.
00:58:10Suck it.
00:58:11Exclamation point.
00:58:20And now...
00:58:21Oh, right.
00:58:21I forgot.
00:58:21I'm sorry.
00:58:22And now, by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you...
00:58:28Whoa, you're just gonna do it.
00:58:29Whoa, okay.
00:58:30We're married.
00:58:30You can just go ahead and kiss her real deep like that.
00:58:33Yeah!
00:58:34Yeah!
00:58:35Yeah!
00:58:38Yeah!
00:58:39Yeah!
00:58:41Bravo!
00:58:42I know a place.
00:58:45Ain't nobody crying.
00:58:49Hey, big guy.
00:58:51I owe you something.
00:58:55Told you.
00:58:57So, you're telling me I have a year to kiss anyone I want.
00:59:02I am so not telling you that.
00:59:04I'm telling you that.
00:59:07I know how I'm gonna get it.
00:59:10Aww.
00:59:11Fuck that.
00:59:12If I was allowed to cheat, I would obviously choose Pedro Pesca, also my spouse.
00:59:15Mm-hmm.
00:59:16Yeah.
00:59:19This is amazing, babe.
00:59:21Really?
00:59:21Yeah, I can't believe you pulled it off.
00:59:24I love you.
00:59:25Oh, my God, you did it.
00:59:27You said it normal.
00:59:28Wow.
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:29That's cool.
00:59:30Oh.
00:59:30Well, now I missed the weird one.
00:59:31Oh, I can make it weird.
00:59:32I can do impressions.
00:59:33I can do Smeagol.
00:59:35Do that one.
00:59:36I love you, my precious.
00:59:55You could have that too, you know.
01:00:00I already did, Paul.
01:00:03I was lucky enough to have it for, uh, almost 20 years, so...
01:00:10I'm not certain I'm ever gonna top that.
01:00:14The dead wife card.
01:00:16I'm guessing you were the one who told Alice to stop using it.
01:00:21Scary, isn't it?
01:00:23Think about putting yourself out there.
01:00:27But do me a favor, will ya?
01:00:28Yeah.
01:00:31Don't be like me.
01:00:37Don't wait as long as I did.
01:00:51Hey, Daddy.
01:00:55I don't know.
01:00:55Go to dance?
01:00:57I think it's still too much Daddy.
01:01:00Okay, Daddy.
01:01:01Come on, Daddy.
01:01:04Yeah, what the fuck?
01:01:07It's a living thing.
01:01:11It's a terrible thing to lose.
01:01:15It's a given thing.
01:01:19What a terrible thing to lose.
01:01:38Jerry.
01:01:40What are you doing here?
01:01:42Hey, don't get too excited.
01:01:43I just love cake.
01:01:45Hey, stud.
01:01:46Hi.
01:01:47So who are you talking to?
01:01:50Jerry.
01:01:51Who?
01:01:53Jerry.
01:01:57Oh.
01:01:59You don't see him, do you?
01:02:11Wolf.
01:02:13Yeah.
01:02:18You do?
01:02:20Yeah.
01:02:24Yeah.
01:02:37I feel confident.
01:02:38Yeah.
01:02:38Yeah.
01:02:38Yeah.
01:02:39Yeah.
01:02:41Yeah.
01:03:17Bye-bye.
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