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Malcolm In The Middle S01E04 [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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00:01¡Suscríbete al canal!
00:31Ok, we'll print your post-treatment orders and get you some painkillers
00:35Yeah, I don't need them
00:36What are you doing? Sit down!
00:38Your past is still setting, you don't even have crutches yet
00:40You're going to injure yourself even worse
00:42Then I'll come back after the party tonight and you can fix that
00:44Come on, Hal
00:47Hal?
00:48Oh, squishy
00:50Oh, squishy
00:52Okay, come on, let's go
00:54Mom and dad are already there waiting
00:55Kelly, breathe
00:57It doesn't start till 8, you want to look sharp or not?
00:59Just, I wish I knew what Revenge Reese had planned for me
01:02Don't worry about Reese
01:03Because there's nothing you can do about it
01:05It's like a tornado, except there's no alert
01:07It's just something you've got to accept
01:09What the hell? My underwear's already too tight
01:12Francis, get me a pair of your mom's granny panties
01:15Right away, honey
01:20Man, you need to adjust these speakers
01:21I'm not talking about the volume, I'm talking about the mix
01:24That speaker is too quiet and these three are too loud
01:26And did you remember the backup cables I asked for?
01:28I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe of impatience bordering on menace
01:32And it's pushing my agitation levels past the point of productive conversation
01:35So, we'll continue this after I've run cold water over my hands
01:38Honey?
01:39Now, please, I don't need any help
01:40Just back off and let me do everything
01:42Honey, I'm so sorry
01:44I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm was just adding to your stress
01:50You've got this
01:51Everything is already perfect
01:53Are you still high?
01:54No
01:54I'm just more perceptive
01:56Because of the ego death that I experienced from my expanded consciousness
02:01This is so yummy
02:04Let me know if you want a break
02:06I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday at Shadyside Assisted Living
02:10Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop
02:12People go nuts
02:18Wow, surprisingly nervous
02:20What's surprising about it?
02:22Yeah, it goes to these people for years and now you have to face them and explain why
02:25Hey, hey, here's how I see it
02:27We both want to avoid mom and dad as long as we can
02:29So we hide into the spotlight dance and come out when I'm the happiest
02:32Before then, it's every man for himself
02:36Nice
02:37Give me your business card later
02:40Malcolm?
02:41Malcolm!
02:43Are those your friends?
02:45I wouldn't call them my friends
02:47Malcolm!
02:47It's us!
02:48Your friends!
02:51Hey guys
02:52How we've missed our fourth musketeer
02:57Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, this is Tristan and my daughter Leah
03:01You procreated!
03:02What a relief
03:03The three of us have also created a child
03:06Like with a surrogate?
03:10Sure
03:11That's our Hubert
03:15There's an ant!
03:17Don't worry, I have confused him
03:19So, what have you guys been up to?
03:21Genetic Tech Resources
03:23Incorporated in college and started getting contracts before we even graduated
03:26Department of Defense
03:28We're doing so much weird shit
03:33There's your mom
03:40Stevie!
03:41Oh my goodness!
03:43It is so great to see all of you!
03:46Hi there
03:48This is Tristan and Leah
03:49Hi
03:50How are you?
03:51I was wonderful
03:52Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment
03:57Based on nothing other than his own self-loathing
03:59But thanks for asking
04:02Tell your mother
04:02I do resent her showing up here
04:05Wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago
04:08To be my forever love
04:10It is a slap in the face across space and time
04:12Tell her!
04:20Dad
04:23Says
04:26He does
04:33Resent
04:34Rat cowards
04:37You
04:38All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid to be here on a laptop
04:41Eat my balls, Jamie
04:42I'm being considerate
04:44Excuse me
04:45Hey
04:46I'm sorry, we'll have to get back to you
04:48We're all just so busy
04:50Yeah, we're completely swamped
04:51I'm sorry
04:52I don't have any excuses
04:54I just want to clear the air and make it right
04:57Please
05:00Well
05:01It's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done
05:04Hey, Leah
05:05Do you want to hear all the horrible things he's ever done?
05:07Yes
05:08Kids
05:08I need some help
05:09They put the Javari chairs and high tables in front of the low tables
05:12And it's blocking the eyelines of the stage
05:14Hi, Grandma
05:16Well, I was somebody who actually likes to hug
05:18I said I would try it for your birthday
05:20Malcolm, I'm so happy
05:22He was struck and crawled
05:25What the heck is wrong with him?
05:26He showed up
05:27Give him a break
05:28No
05:28Jamie's not ashamed of his family
05:30You know how hard it was for him to get permission to leave the base and come here?
05:33Oh, they don't know that I'm gone
05:35I'm on guard duty right now
05:39In the face
05:41Across space
05:45And
05:48Time
05:50Okay
05:50Who wants another
05:51Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word gift
05:55Unless it's like every other thing in our relationship
05:58That came with secret conditions that he would only reveal
06:01When he needs to attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable
06:11She loves you
06:16Can I have friends with that, Horch?
06:21That's what militaries do need to us, baby
06:23You'll never say again
06:25Boys, wow, you started early
06:27I think ten is a respectable age
06:29We were just raising a toast
06:30To our dear old Commandant Spadler
06:34Run to hell, you want our bastard?
06:38Uh, you want to tell me what's in the sack?
06:40Are you my parole officer?
06:43No, seriously, are you?
06:44Okay
06:44We decided to do one last paper for all time's sake
06:49Nice statue head
06:51I came
06:52I sawed
06:54I conquered
06:57That's good
06:58We're putting that on the Instagram
07:00It was the most beautiful, transcendent experience
07:05Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum choking yourself
07:10Transcendently?
07:12Psst, Ellie
07:13Before you try anything, just remember
07:15Revenge for an unjustified revenge is justified
07:17But revenge for a justified revenge is unjustified revenge
07:21Yeah
07:22Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over
07:24Could you sneak me a couple dinner rolls?
07:34It's so nice to have someone I can share my deepest feelings with
07:46Crap, ya sounds like I'm seven
07:48Quick, change the subject
07:55Perfect set up
07:56I look great
08:13I made him nervous
08:18Cute
08:20Pretty
08:21Hot
08:34Ew
08:35Ew
08:38Wait
08:40Where the hell did you get that mac and cheese?
08:42I brought it from home
08:46When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-side plate handed over without any looks
08:52There you are, Piyama
08:54Oh, my juicy jelly bean
08:57Oh
08:59Gretchen, so great to see you
09:01We were so sorry to hear about Otto
09:05He didn't suffer
09:06He didn't suffer
09:07The Puma is very quick and efficient
09:09What are you doing now?
09:11I am a doula for cattle
09:12I go from town to town, cow to cow
09:15Helping them give birth
09:17It's very spiritual
09:20Well, not the cleanup
09:22That's nasty
09:28Oh, my goodness
09:30You have a calf inside you
09:32How did
09:33Oh, it's my gift
09:35For your girl
09:36We don't know yet
09:39Do you want to?
09:42What the hell?
09:43The video of us beheading the statue got 3,000 dislikes
09:46Who doesn't love a classic prank?
09:48Missy?
09:51Uh, where was this statue?
09:54Friend of the bar
09:55Had a creepy vibe
09:56Sweating you in
09:56And did this bar have a name?
09:59That was weird, too
10:00It was called Stagnus
10:03What is that?
10:04Like, how much you're like a stag
10:07Idiots, it's not Stagnus
10:09It's Saint Agnes
10:13It's a church
10:14Whose statue do they put in front of churches?
10:21Looks like
10:24Burger King
10:25Well, no wonder they're mad
10:27People love that guy
10:41Hubert!
10:42Come next
10:42What?
10:43Dadda dadda dadda!
10:49Maybe I'm overreacting
10:51Maybe he was teasing
10:59What a creep
11:01My first crush is a creep
11:09It's been 20 minutes
11:11I still don't have a better idea
11:13Now come!
11:16Occupied!
11:17You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there?
11:26Can we do this outside the men's room?
11:28Nope
11:28It's gone on long enough
11:29We're gonna straighten everything out
11:31Right here, right now
11:31We're gonna go back to the party as a family
11:33The shrimp is bad
11:34The shrimp is bad
11:36We're not serving shrimp
11:37I ate something with a tail on it
11:42Oh, sweet Father
11:44Mercy
11:44Now let's go
11:47You can't be serious
11:48If you want to get out of here
11:49You are gonna tell me why you have been doing this
11:53Come on
11:54Out with it
11:57Sorry
11:57I know you didn't mean me
11:59How do you think one conversation in a toilet is gonna fix everything?
12:02I don't
12:03But at least it's a start
12:04What do you want to do?
12:05Wait for my funeral?
12:06There's nothing to say
12:08It's just the way we are
12:10We all just swirl around each other fighting and taking turns creating disasters
12:13So we drive each other nuts
12:15So what?
12:16That's what families do
12:17It's more than that
12:18I
12:20I like myself better when I'm not around you
12:22So you have said
12:24And I
12:28Feel bad for who I am when I am around you
12:30What?
12:30You yelling?
12:32Spitballs to a battleship
12:33No
12:34I mean I know I'm disappointing you
12:40What?
12:41He said he knows he's disappointing you
12:45Sorry
12:46I'll be quiet
12:48Now I'll be quiet
12:49Mom
12:51You've always had these gigantic expectations of me
12:54Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain that can fix all the world's problems
12:58I'm sorry
12:59I can't
13:00And I can't deal with that pressure
13:01When did I ever pressure you?
13:03You said I had to become president of the United States
13:06A president?
13:07Is
13:07Is that what this is about?
13:10Malcolm
13:11That was just a plan
13:14Plans aren't contracts
13:15They're just plans
13:16Your father and I have made hundreds of them
13:18And look at us
13:19Barely ever work out
13:20So we just make some new ones
13:22Yeah, you can't take it that seriously
13:28That was you lying
13:32You've been lying to me
13:34All this time
13:35Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me
13:38For a lie
13:39Making you suffer under your lie
13:42For 18 years
13:43What kind of satanic monster are you
13:49Aw, they found each other
13:52We tried to give you very specific positive goals to help you get through college
13:56So you wouldn't just party and drop out and end up in a homeless shelter
13:59That was called good parenting
14:01You don't even care about the constant stress and anxiety of trying to live up to that?
14:06Do you realize that my degrees, my charity, the awards, my beautiful, perfect daughter
14:12Finding a woman who loves me for me
14:15And makes my life complete
14:16All of that was based on your lie
14:18How could you do that to me?
14:24Wait
14:26Malcolm, you've accomplished so much
14:28And all of it is you
14:31It's just you
14:33You're a good father
14:35You're a good man
14:37Better than we ever hoped
14:39And I wish we didn't upset you so much
14:41And I can't say it's ever going to get better
14:44I just miss you
14:48I miss you too
14:52I'm trying so hard to hold him in
14:54It just makes the pitch go higher
14:56Please, let's just get out of here
14:59Oh, by the way
15:00I love my granddaughter
15:02Yeah, it's pretty easy
15:03And I approve of Tristan
15:04Thanks
15:06I mean, I don't actually need your approval
15:07I know
15:08But I approve anyway
15:11Thanks
15:12I really love her
15:14I think I love her like you and Dad
15:23We are no longer friends
15:24We'll discuss it after dessert
15:29Hey, Dad
15:30Looking good
15:31All better now?
15:32Glad we're past that
15:33We're not past it yet, Rhys
15:36Did we miss anything?
15:37Hold me higher
15:38I can't see his face
15:38You are in for it now
15:40I know right
15:40You're right
15:41It's your moment
15:41We'll pile on later
15:43Dad
15:45There's no point in me saying I'm sorry
15:47I'm always sorry
15:49But this is different
15:51I not only took advantage of you
15:53I did it by pretending to have a closer
15:56More loving relationship
16:00I know how horrible I made you feel
16:02And the horrible thing for me
16:06Is
16:06I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you
16:11Way to take all the fun out of it
16:12Yeah, nice man
16:13That is the most honest apology I have ever heard
16:19But it is completely meaningless
16:21Wait, let's get it
16:22You have always counted on the fact that no matter what you do
16:27I will always love you
16:28And that is just true
16:30It is for all of you
16:32I assumed the love was just there
16:35In every cell of my body
16:37And I was helpless to prevent it
16:39But then I realized that that was just for your mother
16:42You guys are completely different
16:44You're so unfailingly destructive
16:47And self-absorbed and oblivious
16:51That you make it so damn difficult
16:53That my genuine, deep love
16:56Is an actual act of heroism
16:58Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself?
17:03Thank you
17:04Thank you
17:05Thank you for that gift
17:09Especially you
17:16Are you sure everything's ready?
17:17Don't worry
17:18Don't worry everything's ready
17:19Or just don't worry
17:20Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me
17:22I don't like it
17:24That's too late now anyway
17:28Can I have your attention please?
17:30Everyone?
17:34This is such an important day for me
17:37After 40 years of frustration
17:40Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship
17:43My way
17:46My way
17:49Today is happening exactly the way I always wanted it to
17:52Because honey
17:54For once
17:56For once
17:59It's not about me
18:01It's about you
18:11Happy anniversary sweetheart
18:14This has taken so many online tutorials
18:16And equipment rentals
18:17And crazy expensive laptop I've been hiding from you
18:20And I hope you like it
18:23What would you like people to know about your father?
18:25That is a complicated man
18:30No he's not
18:30He's the least complex man of all time
18:33Which I love
18:34I spend so much time touring different cities
18:37Sometimes I don't know where I am
18:39And dad calls
18:41He doesn't understand time zones
18:42And it's always like
18:44Four in the morning
18:46But it's still very thoughtful
18:49Two minutes talking to him
18:51I feel like I'm home
18:53Anyway
18:53He caught me thinking
18:54And I wrote this
19:02For me the most singular thing about dad
19:04Is his stamina
19:06The sheer amount of grief he could stomach
19:09I got in trouble
19:10Got in fights
19:11Got suspended
19:12Got expelled
19:13Twice
19:15Dad was always
19:17Unfailingly patient with me
19:19The first time I met Hal
19:20Oh got married to you without telling them
19:22That was a big one
19:24Anyway I was dreading it
19:26As far as I knew all dads were drunk and mean
19:28But he was always so steady and reliable
19:31Now he feels like my real dad
19:33Got arrested three times
19:35No arrested twice
19:36Expelled three times
19:40We were all pretty wild
19:43But my brothers
19:44They were so far ahead of me
19:46That I needed to find my own thing
19:49So
19:50I chose noise
19:51I especially liked the sound of crashing
19:55Dishes
19:55Lamps
19:56Big windows
19:57Little windows
19:59If you know what you're doing
20:00I mean you can create these frequencies
20:01That work right through your brain
20:04And when dad stopped me
20:05He was always so
20:08Gentle
20:09About it
20:10I mean it really made me want to be peaceful
20:14I really appreciated his tenderness
20:18Even though I'm kind of a tough guy
20:19I mean
20:21Look at these beasts
20:24Can the love of your life be a man?
20:26Another heterosexual man?
20:28I say yes
20:28A thousand times yes
20:30When someone is that loving
20:32And giving
20:33And honest
20:34And true
20:34You can't stop it
20:36You understand
20:36He's not just my best friend
20:39He's the best person
20:40No one disagree with me on this one
20:45Hell
20:47Is a great man
20:52Everyone expects me to talk about
20:54How forgiving and accepting he is
20:56And he totally is with me
20:59I don't know why I do what I do
21:01I actually asked a therapist about it
21:03But he was all
21:03I don't know you
21:05And I don't work for free
21:06But what I'm really thankful for
21:08Is the optimism he gave me
21:10I still wake up every day
21:12Thinking I'll be better
21:14He's always cheerful
21:15And honest
21:16And helpful
21:16And wise
21:17And honest
21:20Yes
21:21I admire his enthusiasm
21:22And his courage
21:23He'll try anything
21:24And make us do it too
21:25Our vocal group
21:26Firewalk
21:28Firewalk
21:28And don't forget
21:30Insightful
21:31Nobody else recognized
21:32That my bluster
21:33Was just a cover
21:34To hide my shame
21:35At ruining Secret Santa
21:36And he's incredibly generous
21:38Especially when they play in poker
21:41Hey Doug
21:42I'm sorry this is so rushed
21:43But I'm just a holy swamp
21:44But I wanted to say
21:45I love you
21:46I admire your decency
21:47And your honesty
21:48And your
21:50Hair
21:50So happy birth
21:52Anniversary
21:52Hey Linda
21:53Can you bring me that report
21:56I was like
21:58Five
21:59When I started feeling wrong
22:02Thought I was great at hiding it
22:04Because you guys never said anything
22:07But then
22:10I had this one
22:12Really shitty day
22:14In the fifth grade
22:15The other kids
22:16And
22:17And even my teacher
22:22When I had
22:23Little kid problems
22:25I'd
22:26Just go to dad
22:27And he'd clown around
22:28And make me feel better
22:31And
22:31And I wanted to do that
22:32But
22:34Instead I just
22:35Blurted out
22:36Dad am I wrong
22:40And
22:41He was looking at me
22:42And
22:43And I knew that he knew
22:45And had always known
22:48And
22:51I could tell he was thinking like
22:53Like really hard
22:56And I was terrified
23:01And then
23:02And then he finally said
23:04Could be nicer to your mom sometimes
23:09So yeah
23:11I like him
23:15Sincere
23:17Loyal
23:17Tenderness
23:18Brave
23:18Funny
23:19Faith
23:19Incredible
23:20Remarkable
23:21Wrinkling
23:22Determined
23:23Considered
23:24Sparkling
23:25Affection
23:26Self
23:26Out
23:27Amazing
23:27Frustration
23:29Fondering
23:29Love
23:36We did it
23:38Woohoo
23:38All lines are beautiful lines
23:43Hal
23:45When we first met
23:47I knew I'd been looking for you
23:49My entire life
23:54You're my wish come true
24:07Woohoo
24:22No one's ever done anything like that for me
24:26No one ever loved us
24:27Excuse me
24:32It feels weird
24:33To insert myself
24:34Into this moment
24:35But if
24:36I don't do it now
24:37I'm afraid I never will
24:39Dad
24:42I'm sorry for how crappy
24:43My part in that was
24:46I didn't realize
24:47How much
24:48This meant
24:49How much you meant
24:53I'm sorry
25:03I thought I was improving myself
25:05By being away from you
25:07But instead I
25:08Forgot the important things
25:10I learned from you
25:11Give everyone a chance
25:15Love is brave
25:18Don't stop believing
25:21I know where you got that one
25:23But it's still good
25:24So
25:26Love is brave
25:30Tristan
25:32I am so flawed
25:33There are so many parts
25:35Of my personality
25:36That don't work right
25:38But I love you
25:39So much
25:42Will you marry me?
25:46No
25:58That doesn't work for everything Stevie
26:01Malcolm
26:02I love you
26:04So much
26:06But we both just found out
26:07We've been keeping
26:09Gigantic
26:10Awful secrets from each other
26:12We have to figure that out
26:14Before we do anything
26:18Except sex
26:18We'll definitely have sex later
26:40Sweetie get off your phone
26:41It's a party
26:42Don't talk to that little weirdo
26:44He looks lonely
26:51Hi
26:53I'm Lita
26:53Hubert
26:55Who ordered you to approach me?
26:57My grandma
26:58She could tell I was lonely
26:59Just as I could tell you're lonely
27:01It's probably because you're odd
27:04I am
27:05Well then
27:07We're match made in heaven
27:08Don't do eyebrows
27:09And you're already giving me good advice
27:12We're blossoming
27:15Hi
27:16Hi
27:16Would you like to join
27:17What may become a super cool friend group?
27:23Yeah, okay
27:24Thanks
27:27Can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing?
27:29If you knew me better, you wouldn't
27:31But go ahead
27:33Ladies and gentlemen
27:34We present the anniversary dance under the spotlight
27:37Please remember, they chose the music
27:42What have you done?
27:43What have you done?
27:44I don't know what you're talking about
27:45No, it's just a silly little romantic thing
27:48It's no big deal
27:49I feel my heart beating
27:51Do you understand?
27:54Do you feel the same?
27:58Am I only dreaming?
28:03I believe it's meant to be
28:07Do you feel the same?
28:11Am I only dreaming
28:17Oh my goodness, I'm being in a dream
28:20You are a dream
28:21Am I only dreaming
28:29Do you feel my heart beating
28:32Do you stand for it
28:35Do you feel the same
28:38Am I only dreaming
28:42Is this perfect and eternal
28:48Give me your hand
28:54Do you feel my heart beating
28:58Do you feel the same
29:04Am I only dreaming
29:10I need your love
29:15As it was
29:17Give me
29:25I'm sorry
29:28I'm sorry
29:28I wasn't supposed to
29:30I didn't mean to
29:32Do you like it
29:46This is the most incontestable forfeit
29:49Of a security deposit of all time
29:52And well worth it
29:54Ow
29:55What the hell
29:57My leg is killing me
30:03When the hell did I get a cast
30:06Having friends is awesome
30:08I had no idea
30:09We talked everything out
30:11And they gave me a whole new perspective
30:13So I am going to send a picture
30:16Well, a screenshot
30:17To his parents
30:19And every girl in school
30:24Teachable moment
30:27Just so you know
30:27Grandma actually helped me solve a problem
30:29Really?
30:30How?
30:32Well, by bossing me around
30:33About something completely different
30:35That's the MO
30:36It just occurred to me
30:38My next poo is going to be amazing
30:42Nice job rooting the anniversary
30:44Me?
30:45Everything would have been fine
30:46If those rafters were spaced properly
30:48Oh, cool
30:48Those rafters are exactly the code
30:50They absolutely are not
30:51God's sake, Dries
30:53Building codes specify different rafter spacing
30:55For 4x6s and 4x8s
30:56And there's no way you can tell
30:57The dimensions from down here
30:58And when a zipper sticks
30:59You don't keep yanking on it
31:00Alright?
31:01You pull gently
31:02And wiggle it side to side
31:03That's another thing
31:04That cheap zipper
31:05There's tons of things to blame
31:07Well, I guess this is my life again
31:09I just have to do everything I can
31:11To make it work
31:13Mostly because I can't think of
31:14Any way out of it
31:16Hopefully I'm going to be okay
31:17With this family
31:19I like this family
31:20I feel so much less weird
31:21By comparison
31:23I hope dad's going to be able
31:24To handle it
31:26I'm sure he'll be fine
31:30For the size
31:32Rob
31:32To make it work
31:32For the size of T-C
31:32To make it work
31:32되는 To
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