- 4 weeks ago
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Daily funny clips, iconic moments, memes, and nonstop laughter from the show
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00:00No, we're not playing some dumb made-up game.
00:02But all games are made up.
00:04They're not found in nature.
00:05You're not just digging the ground,
00:07come across a rich vein of rock'em sock'em robots.
00:11Just pick another game.
00:12Why don't we do something athletic,
00:14like go over to the university pool and play water polo?
00:17No good. Sheldon doesn't float.
00:20That is true.
00:21I have a higher than normal body density.
00:23If I run too deep a bath, I drown.
00:29Ready, set, wrestle.
00:32One, two, three, pick.
00:37Stop that.
00:40Amy, do something.
00:41Amy, help.
00:43Amy, stop that.
00:46Amy, can you help me?
00:47You came to my apartment last night while I was sleeping?
00:49Yes, but only to clean.
00:51While I was sleeping.
00:52And snoring.
00:53And that's probably just a sinus infection.
00:55But it could be sleep apnea.
00:57You might want to see an otolaryngologist.
01:01It's a throat doctor.
01:04And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
01:09Depending on the depth.
01:10That's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.
01:17It's the last dumpling.
01:19Oh, me.
01:20Do the pennies a moment.
01:21We just had Thai food.
01:24In that culture, the last morsel is called the grang jai piece.
01:28And it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
01:38Thank you all for this high honor.
01:43I've seen pictures of your mother.
01:45Keep eating.
01:52Giselle's not getting kicked off.
01:54It's totally going to be summer.
01:58What?
01:59Sheldon's onion ring.
02:00Just put it back.
02:01It's one onion ring.
02:03Just put it back before he comes.
02:05No, no, no.
02:06I don't think that's where it was.
02:07Okay, here he comes.
02:08Denny, Denny, Denny, Denny, people.
02:09Wall of silence.
02:15Who touched my plate?
02:16Penny.
02:16Penny did it.
02:20Why would you do that?
02:22I don't know.
02:22I was hungry.
02:23What's the big deal?
02:24The big deal is that nobody touches food on my plate.
02:28All right.
02:28Look, I didn't know.
02:29I'm sorry.
02:30Well, I'm sorry.
02:31But that is your second strike.
02:35What?
02:36You have two strikes.
02:39Three strikes and you're out.
02:42It's a sports metaphor.
02:45A sports metaphor?
02:47Yes, baseball.
02:50All right, yeah.
02:51I'll play along.
02:52What was my first strike?
02:54March 18th.
02:55You violated my rule about forwarding email humor.
02:59I did?
02:59I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me internet banality.
03:05Strike one.
03:07Touching my food.
03:08Strike two.
03:11Don't worry.
03:11They only stay on your record for a year.
03:14You can get them removed early, but you have to take his class.
03:19Oh, come on.
03:20I touched one onion ring.
03:22And then you put it back, compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings.
03:28Oh, honey, the buses don't go where you live, do they?
03:34Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a permanent member
03:38of our social group, I have to hold you to the same standards as everybody else.
03:42Congratulations, you're officially one of us.
03:45One of us.
03:47One of us.
03:50Well, what a thrill.
03:52You're sitting in my spot?
03:53Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
03:55Leonard, she's in my spot.
03:57Yeah, yeah.
03:58Uh...
03:58I don't care.
03:59I'm taking a stand.
04:00All right.
04:01That's it.
04:02Strike three.
04:03Ooh, strike three.
04:05I'm banished?
04:06What the hell kind of crap is that?
04:09Don't worry, I'll talk to him.
04:11Yeah, you do that.
04:12Just so I know, would you be open to taking his class?
04:15There's no key in here, just letters.
04:17That's the wrong box.
04:19Put it back.
04:19Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
04:22Don't read those letters.
04:24Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie.
04:26That is so cute.
04:27Put down the letters!
04:32Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.
04:34Hey, Leonard.
04:34How's the train ride?
04:36Delightful.
04:38Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now,
04:40but there are little bubbles forming
04:41in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.
04:43Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line.
04:45Put him back on.
04:48I'm back.
04:49What up, Moon Pie?
04:52No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.
04:57Hey, Penny, Leonard again.
05:01Okay, I found the box.
05:02Now what?
05:02You're holding a Japanese puzzle box,
05:05which takes ten precise moves to open.
05:08First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern
05:12and slide the center portion one millimeter to the left.
05:16Then, on the opposite end of the box,
05:18slide the entire panel down two millimeters.
05:21You'll hear a slight click.
05:23Hang on.
05:24Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?
05:27No, it's a novelty I ordered off the internet.
05:29Did you hear the click?
05:31Not yet.
05:35There it is.
05:38And I suppose I should apologize to you as well.
05:42Okay.
05:42That must have hurt watching me look for other women
05:46without ever even considering you.
05:53Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.
06:00Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.
06:05Coming right up.
06:06Wait, excuse me.
06:08You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
06:10Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
06:13Oh, I didn't tell you.
06:14You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
06:18Why?
06:19Well, you have three strikes.
06:22One coming in, two sitting down,
06:24and three, I don't like your attitude.
06:26You can't do that.
06:28Not only is it a violation of California state law,
06:30it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
06:33Yeah, no, there's a new policy.
06:35No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
06:38I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
06:42I think we'd make amazing parents.
06:45Will you guys keep it down?
06:51On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity.
06:54All right, let's keep it simple.
06:56How about darts?
06:57No, that's not fair either.
06:58Why not?
06:59Darts is a bar game.
07:01You've been frequenting drinking establishments
07:03since you were of legal age.
07:05Yeah, that's when it started.
07:1157, 58, 59.
07:13That's one minute.
07:18Long division.
07:19Long division.
07:20Go, go, go.
07:21Remember, show your work.
07:25I'm okay.
07:26I'm okay.
07:31Not okay.
07:33Get up.
07:34We can't lose in math.
07:3637!
07:37Yes!
07:37We can't lose in math.
07:38We can't lose in math.
07:42We can't lose in math.
08:07So, we can't lose.
08:07Ha ha ha ha.
08:36You have me!
08:39I'm bleeding!
08:42What was that?
08:44Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.
08:48That's my girl.
08:55Oh.
08:58Hello.
09:00Time to do your laundry, huh?
09:03Saturday night.
09:05Saturday is laundry night.
09:07I know.
09:09Every Saturday at 8.15.
09:11Easy to anticipate.
09:16What are you implying?
09:18I'm implying that you're a creature of habit.
09:21And if something were to prevent you from doing your laundry on Saturday at 8.15,
09:25you might find it...
09:28unpleasant.
09:35Knuckle under my ass.
09:45Oh, no.
09:47Are all the machines taken?
09:51What are you gonna do?
09:54No problem.
09:56I'll just do my laundry another night.
10:00Another night?
10:01Well, I guess you can try, but deep inside your heart, you'll know that laundry night is always
10:07Saturday night.
10:13Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
10:18Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my Barbie.
10:21There's no need to bark at me.
10:25Well, according to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be seen after the man who claims to be
10:30having a heart attack but appears to be well enough to play doodle jump on his iPhone.
10:36We have to fill these out.
10:39Describe illness or injury.
10:41I dislocated my shoulder.
10:44All right.
10:45And how did the accident occur?
10:48You already know that.
10:50Cause of accident?
10:52Lack of adhesive ducts.
10:58Okay, medical history.
11:00Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
11:02No.
11:02Kidney disease?
11:03No.
11:04Migraines?
11:05Getting one.
11:07Are you currently pregnant?
11:09No.
11:10Are you sure you look a bit puffy?
11:14Change migraine to yes.
11:17When was your last menstrual period?
11:20Oh, next question.
11:21I'll put in progress.
11:25Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders.
11:28List all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etc.
11:32Oh my God, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?
11:36Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.
11:41Ass.
11:42Possible Tourette's.
11:46Moles, lesions, or other skin conditions.
11:49Soup tattoo on right buttock.
11:53Okay, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain.
11:57Could you please take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting?
12:05I'm sorry.
12:07They're there.
12:11Everything's going to be fine.
12:22Sheldon's here.
12:30Sheldon's here.
12:31Thanks, that's much better.
12:32I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier we were just
12:38looking at at Sears.
12:41Oh my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
12:48Oh, a pocket watch.
12:50Okay, I don't think Amy wants a pocket watch.
12:52No, but maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch.
12:57Still saying stupid stuff.
13:01Ooh, does she like bracelets?
13:03Well, she's very fond of her silver one that says allergic to penicillin.
13:08Maybe they have a dressier version of that.
13:10Well, how are we doing this afternoon?
13:12Are we looking for anything special?
13:14Perhaps a ring for the lady?
13:15Trust me, we are not a couple.
13:18Excuse me, I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out.
13:22You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me.
13:25Fine, go ahead.
13:27Trust me, we are not a couple.
13:29Okay, we don't have that in stock.
13:33But I can special order it for you.
13:36Him.
13:38Excuse me, sir.
13:39You don't work here.
13:41Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.
13:45Sheldon, we have to go.
13:47Why?
13:47Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party,
13:50and for another, I told him to call security.
13:53Good luck.
13:57By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system.
14:00Keep walking.
14:01One, two, three, four is not a secure password.
14:03Consider this unlikely, but very plausible scenario.
14:06A young woman, alone in the big city.
14:09Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
14:14Hey, wait a minute.
14:15Hang on, let's see where he's going.
14:17Then it hits her.
14:18How is she going to survive?
14:20But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.
14:23And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
14:32Hey, I...
14:33Hang on, let's see where he's going.
14:36She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea,
14:41which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
14:44That is ridiculous.
14:46Oh, is it?
14:47Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
14:55Okay, you know what?
14:56I've already mooched dinner off you guys.
14:57I don't need to listen to this.
14:59What are you doing?
15:00You have to start with the edges.
15:01There's no right way, Sheldon.
15:02I already found a few pieces that fit.
15:04Well, take them apart and start with the edges.
15:08And stop wasting time.
15:12Oh, it's the comic book store.
15:14All right, come on.
15:14That's where we have to go.
15:15But we haven't finished the puzzle.
15:18But it doesn't matter.
15:20We know the answer.
15:21You think you know the answer, but it could be a trick.
15:24What if when the puzzle's complete, there's a sign in the window that says,
15:28Go to the train store.
15:31Okay, it's not going to say that.
15:32Well, I hope you're wrong.
15:34I really want to go to the train store.
15:43It's the comic book store.
15:44It's the comic book store.
15:45It's the comic book store.
15:57It's the comic book store.
15:59How come you didn't go into work today?
16:01I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
16:06So you got canned, huh?
16:09Theoretical physicists do not get canned.
16:12But yeah.
16:14Maybe it's all for the best.
16:16You know, I always say when one door closes, another one opens.
16:19No, it doesn't.
16:21Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved.
16:26No, no, I meant...
16:27Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
16:31Never mind.
16:34Slow down.
16:35Slow down.
16:36Slow down.
16:37We're fine.
16:38You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.
16:41Oh, sure I am.
16:42No, no.
16:43Let me do the math for you.
16:44This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds.
16:46Now add 140 for me, 120 for you.
16:49120?
16:49Oh, I'm sorry.
16:51Did I insult you?
16:52Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
16:55Well, yeah.
16:57Interesting.
16:58Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400 pounds.
17:02Let's say 4,390.
17:04Fine.
17:06We're traveling forward at, good lord, 51 miles an hour.
17:09Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned.
17:13Still, by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front
17:17of us.
17:17An impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation, and, oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course.
17:27This is great.
17:29Look at me.
17:30I'm in the real world of ordinary people just living their ordinary, colorless, workaday lives.
17:38No, thank you.
17:40Thank you, ordinary person.
17:43Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
17:46Uh, no, no, not really.
17:48Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?
17:51Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on
17:56the way out of the supermarket.
17:58Oh, okay, well, maybe you should start heading on out then.
18:01No, this is fun.
18:04Oh, the thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll really enjoy this, is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're
18:09technically a fruit.
18:10Oh, interesting.
18:11Isn't it?
18:12No, I mean what you find enjoyable.
18:18Oh, boy.
18:21What now?
18:23Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much.
18:28What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
18:34Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
18:37Well, then you'll want some manganese.
18:45That was fun.
18:47Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.
18:50Oh, I don't know, Sheldon.
18:51It's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.
18:56Are you sure?
18:57There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.
18:59For example, I noticed that you purchased your tampons one month's supply at a time.
19:06What?
19:07What?
19:08Think about it.
19:08It's a product that doesn't spoil, and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.
19:14You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?
19:17Well, 30, 35.
19:19When did your mother go into menopause?
19:20Okay.
19:21Here's one I thought I'd take to the grave.
19:23Okay.
19:25Hmm.
19:27A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system.
19:36I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.
19:46That's your big revelation?
19:48Yes.
19:50I feel 10 pounds lighter.
19:54Okay.
19:54You know what?
19:55I give up.
19:56I'm going to bed.
19:59Here's something else you don't know about me.
20:01You just hurt my feelings.
20:03What did I do?
20:04I opened up and shared something deeply upsetting to me, and you treated it as if it were nothing.
20:11I didn't think it was a big deal.
20:13It is to me.
20:14That's the point.
20:18Sheldon, you are right.
20:20I'm really sorry.
20:21I should have known better.
20:23Your apology is accepted.
20:27How about a hug?
20:28How about a hearty handshake?
20:29Come on.
20:34Now I know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:38I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:39I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:41I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:45I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:46I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:47I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:48I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
20:48I don't know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.
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