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Taskmaster - S17E03 - Some Impropriety [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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00:14İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
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02:19Evet.
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05:34I feel like this is next.
05:39Sophie, come on.
05:40I've gone in a different direction.
05:42Thank God.
05:44Well, I've got a pet feeder.
05:48Yes, one of these timed cat feeders.
05:50Timed cat feeder.
05:51I thought it could be quite good for you.
05:53For me?
05:55Just a little bit of discipline and structure in your mind.
06:00I mean, basically what you're saying in that prize is you're saying,
06:03I think you're fat.
06:05I was worried about fat shaming.
06:08Yeah.
06:08I did ask the producer.
06:09They said, no, no, it'll be fine.
06:11He needs to hear it.
06:21Well, I'll hand out some points.
06:24OK, you're going to start with the...?
06:25With Nick, correct.
06:27So Nick gets one point.
06:28Steve, sorry, two points.
06:30There we go, OK.
06:31I don't want Sophie to be in control of when I can have a treat.
06:34LAUGHTER
06:35Are you sure?
06:36I'm pretty sure, so I'm giving her three points.
06:38OK, three to you, Sophie.
06:40There's something about these young lads munching on the ham hocks.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44Jan, four points.
06:46And I just want the elephant chair, so...
06:48Fair enough.
06:49Five points to John Robbins.
06:51APPLAUSE
06:54Let's have a task proper, shall we?
06:56I don't want to alarm you, Greg,
06:57but there's something mysterious lurking in our tent.
07:00GASP
07:00GASP
07:01GASP
07:04GASP
07:05GASP
07:06GASP
07:08GASP
07:09GASP
07:09GASP
07:10GASP
07:11GASP
07:12GASP
07:14GASP
07:14GASP
07:15GASP
07:17Hi, Joan.
07:19Hello, Alex.
07:20Hello, Alex.
07:22You're taking extreme measures to keep the sun off your face.
07:24Yeah, I feel like I should be in Gilead or something.
07:27I feel like I'm in Handmaidens Tale.
07:31GASP
07:31Hey, Alex.
07:32Hello, Nick.
07:33How are you?
07:34Wowzers.
07:37Work out who is following you.
07:39Oh.
07:40Oh, gosh.
07:41Work out who is following you.
07:43You must stare at the duck at all times.
07:47Yes.
07:48And take an average-length step towards the duck every time it quacks.
07:52If the person following you agrees with you,
07:55they will say the name of a mammal.
07:57If the person following you disagrees with you,
08:01they will say the name of a bird.
08:03If the person following you doesn't know if they agree or disagree with you,
08:06they will say the name of an amphibian, of course.
08:09I have very little animal experience.
08:12Why have you got so little animal experience?
08:14Because I didn't study theology. I don't know what an amphibian is.
08:16Right.
08:17The correct answer furthest from the duck wins.
08:20Your time starts when the duck quacks.
08:23When I say now, press the green button.
08:25OK.
08:26I'm going to release the follower.
08:28You need to keep looking at the duck.
08:29All right.
08:32OK, Steve.
08:33You may press the green button.
08:37Oh!
08:37I'm so sorry.
08:39Oh, my goodness.
08:41Yes.
08:41Don't start yet.
08:44Ow.
08:45Are you OK?
08:46Yes.
08:48APPLAUSE
08:50Go on.
08:51Tell me about your lack of experience with animals.
08:53Isn't that terrible?
08:54I don't know what an amphibian is.
08:55Yeah.
08:56What is it?
08:57It's like a fishy.
08:58You don't know what...
09:00Like a lizard?
09:00An amphibian has an aquatic gill-breathing larval stage,
09:04followed by typically a terrestrial lung-breathing adult stage.
09:07Yes, OK.
09:07Newt, salamanders and obviously caecilians.
09:10Love them.
09:13Let's go.
09:14We begin with keen golfer John Robbins being chased by a keen golf trolley.
09:20Wait for the quack.
09:25Are you a man?
09:27Badger.
09:27Are you a sportsman?
09:29Cray.
09:30Are you a actor?
09:32Kiwi.
09:33Are you a politician?
09:36Turtle dove.
09:37Are you famous?
09:38Wildebeest.
09:39Are you a chef?
09:42Common ostrich.
09:44I don't know what...
09:45Are you a comedian?
09:47Buddy duck.
09:48Are you...
09:48Are you human?
09:50Typical pigeon.
09:52Are you a male?
09:54Are you an animal?
09:55Yellowhammer.
09:56Are you a robot?
09:57Gouldian finch.
09:59So you're...
10:00Hang on.
10:01You're male, but you're not human.
10:03And you're not an animal.
10:05Are you some kind of connection?
10:07Like a...
10:08Are you a cable?
10:10Short-toed tree creeper.
10:14Does your name begin with A?
10:17Emu.
10:18Does your name begin with B?
10:19Olive baboon.
10:21And you're not hu...
10:23Are you a human?
10:25Californian condor.
10:27Do you have genitals?
10:29Tony crossbrog.
10:30That's ambiguous.
10:32How is they ambiguous?
10:34Is your second letter of your name an R?
10:36Grey parrot.
10:37An L?
10:38Capybara.
10:40Er...
10:41Is the third letter a vowel?
10:44Malayan tapir.
10:45Is it A?
10:46Golden pheasant.
10:48Is it E?
10:48Is it I?
10:50O?
10:50Pygmy hippopotamus.
10:52OK.
10:52So B-L-O.
10:55Are you Mr. Blobby?
10:57That's you in camel.
10:59Yeah.
10:59So you're Mr. Blobby?
11:00You may have a look.
11:08Fucking hell.
11:09Not bad.
11:12Come on you.
11:13Let's get you home.
11:17Well done John.
11:19Well I guess we should briefly discuss are you a cable?
11:24Cable is surely the only thing that's not human that has a gender?
11:27Like male to female connections?
11:29Oh I see.
11:30OK.
11:30So I thought it might be a skirt lead.
11:36Well he got there.
11:37He was 19 paces from the duck.
11:40OK.
11:40Let's see how Steve and Joanne got on with, to quote Joanne from episode one,
11:44the best physical comedian of our generation.
11:49Jesus Christ!
11:53Hey it's good being a man isn't it?
11:55Badger.
11:56Are you a human?
11:58Kiwi.
11:58Is a kiwi a mammal?
12:00What the fuck is a kiwi?
12:01Keep stepping Joanne.
12:04So reading the news, do you enjoy that?
12:06Vulturing guinea fowl.
12:07Another step please Steve.
12:08OK.
12:09Every quack.
12:10Are you...
12:12Food.
12:13Glorchus gulf.
12:14Are you a famous thing?
12:15Badger.
12:16Are you the Eiffel Tower?
12:18Like something like that.
12:19Tawny frogmouth.
12:22What else is there?
12:24Being operated by another human is tough right?
12:27Hairy ear dwarf lemur.
12:28Shhh.
12:30Can I get inside you?
12:33Oh look.
12:37Shhh.
12:37Are you a glove puppet?
12:39Shhh.
12:39Gordian Finch.
12:40Are you some kind of children's TV character?
12:43Shhh.
12:44Pigme Jagoa.
12:45Jagoa.
12:45Please step.
12:48Do you have a one word name?
12:49Northern Shubla.
12:50Oh.
12:51Is it Mr. Something?
12:52Rondon Dwarf Bush baby.
12:54OK.
12:55Mr. Something.
12:56Have I met you?
12:57Have I been in you?
12:58Shhh.
12:59Common Midwife Toad.
13:00Like that.
13:01We don't know if you've met him or...
13:03It's coming for you baby.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:13APPLAUSE
13:14Well Steve.
13:16If someone said Mr B I wouldn't have gone Bojangles.
13:20Hearing the quacks with The Handmaid's Tale bonnet on,
13:23thinking about statements that had to be not questions,
13:27being chased by Mr fucking Blobby...
13:29LAUGHTER
13:30That is actually his first name.
13:31We kept hitting you.
13:32But like John, I only came up with the sort of alphabet thing
13:35when the duck was pretty close.
13:3715 paces from the duck.
13:39Joanne.
13:39Yeah.
13:39It's quite the contrast to the forensic things we've seen so far.
13:44Uh-huh.
13:44Uh-huh.
13:45Is a kiwi a mammal?
13:47LAUGHTER
13:48Pause.
13:49What's a fucking kiwi?
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51And then you went, if you're not human, you must be the Eiffel Fowler.
13:57LAUGHTER
13:59Then your next question was, can I get inside you?
14:04So I'm thinking, is it a building?
14:06Ah.
14:07You know, can I step inside you?
14:09Not can I, like, penetrate you, it was like...
14:10Oh, right.
14:11But you were kind of hurling out just objects and then suddenly Blobby.
14:15Yeah.
14:16And that's because your go-to thing is Blobby.
14:18I genuinely am a really big Mr Blobby fan.
14:20I think he's amazing.
14:21I tried to buy his outfit, do you remember he went on sale?
14:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:24I mean, the woman's Blobby obsessed.
14:26LAUGHTER
14:28She got to the correct answer much before the other two.
14:30She got 26 steps away from the duck and that was after not believing it was Blobby.
14:34She carried on stepping for quite a while after getting the correct answer
14:37and she was overjoyed when she turned around and saw her hero.
14:40Right.
14:40So, yeah, at the moment it's Joanne, then John, then Steve.
14:43All right, advert time now.
14:44Hopefully, one of them will make health claims for a food
14:47that they know full well is pumped full of sugar.
14:50See you in a minute.
14:52APPLAUSE
15:01Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
15:05What were our contestants doing in a field, young man?
15:07Well, it's a fine question.
15:09They were trying to work out who's following them on an automatic golf trolley, Greg.
15:12They can ask questions or make statements.
15:14If the person agrees, they'll hear a mammal in response.
15:16If they disagree, it's a bird.
15:17And if it's ambiguous, they'll hear an amphibian
15:19because it sounds a little bit like ambiguous.
15:21Finally, how long will it take Nick and Sophie to work out
15:24that Mr. Blobby's following them?
15:26Here we go.
15:29Erm...
15:30Have you got blonde hair?
15:32Kiwi.
15:33Kiwi?
15:34That's a fruit.
15:36Are you, erm...
15:39Er...
15:39Human?
15:40Kiwi.
15:41Are you smaller than a large tree?
15:44Donkey.
15:45Are we friends from school?
15:47No, no, no, cos...
15:49Er...
15:49Did I meet you in the last five years?
15:52Common midwife toad.
15:54Do you have four legs?
15:56Californian condor.
15:58Do you have two legs?
15:59Bengal tiger.
16:00Are you over 30?
16:03Donkey.
16:04OK.
16:05Have you used an Excel sheet?
16:10Raucous girl.
16:11Are you on TV?
16:12Take me to Boa.
16:14Are you on BBC?
16:16Happy Boa.
16:17Oh, no, this duck's approaching.
16:19Have we ever been drunk together?
16:23Common mud puppy.
16:24That means yeah.
16:26I think, don't you?
16:28Oh, I can't...
16:29If you get the duck,
16:30you can just keep sort of pacing at the duck
16:32and we'll just go on time instead.
16:34Er...
16:34British?
16:34Pick me a hippopotamus.
16:36Oh, you are British.
16:37Are you an athlete?
16:38Northern traveller.
16:39Are you a cartoon character?
16:41Are you a big grasshopper?
16:42Are you a mascot of some kind?
16:44Are you on the box of any kind of food-related stuff?
16:47Is it Alex?
16:49All right.
16:50Yeah.
16:51I think you're just gonna stay here with the duck.
16:52Am I all right?
16:53OK.
16:54Are you on a particular time of day?
16:56Mid-afternoon?
16:57Crane.
16:58Early evening?
16:59Possum.
17:02OK.
17:02Right.
17:03I can take the duck where I want.
17:05If you want, yeah.
17:06Oh!
17:06Oh!
17:07I'm so sorry I saw him.
17:09I saw him.
17:11It's Mr. Blobby.
17:14You're welcome to say hello to Mr. Blobby.
17:16Yeah, thank you.
17:17God!
17:19BBC, larger than a human but smaller than a large tree,
17:23walked on two legs.
17:28On BBC One?
17:32Pangolin.
17:38OK.
17:40What's on at that time?
17:43Mr. Blobby?
17:45King Fairy Almedina.
17:48Yay!
17:50APPLAUSE
17:56The question I've got, Nick, is that you asked every question
18:00about every subject ever before you arrived at Blobby.
18:03Yeah, well, that was, I mean, just to do it by process of elimination,
18:06I guess that's what that was.
18:07By eliminating everything in the world.
18:09In the universe, yeah.
18:11I like the question, are you smaller than a large tree?
18:15LAUGHTER
18:17Because how tall is a tree? A tree can be various heights, so...
18:21Oh, God.
18:21I mean, one of the great philosophical questions of my time.
18:24How large is large?
18:25How large is large?
18:27You're larger than me, yeah.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:30Yeah.
18:32Was there a logic to Sophie's questions?
18:36LAUGHTER
18:36I've written some down.
18:39Have I got drunk with you?
18:42Have you used an Excel sheet?
18:45LAUGHTER
18:46I mean, you literally sound like a dropped Alexa.
18:50LAUGHTER
18:50A surprise.
18:52I thought you were going to...
18:53I thought...
18:54I was really thinking she was going to pop out.
18:56And then we...
18:56We mounted her on a golf trolley.
18:58LAUGHTER
18:59Obviously, Sophie can't have a point, can she?
19:00Because she saw Blobby.
19:03LAUGHTER
19:03You're terrible, actually.
19:04Fucking tough shit.
19:06LAUGHTER
19:06Have we got the points?
19:07Yes.
19:07Well, it's Sophie, unfortunately zero.
19:10Two points to Nick, three to Steve, four to John.
19:12But the winner, the future Mrs Blobby, is Joanne Monnelly.
19:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:18May I see a scoreboard, please?
19:20At the bottom, and it's been typical of the series so far,
19:22we've got Sophie and Nick with three points.
19:24At the top, it's John and Joanne, both with nine points.
19:27APPLAUSE
19:31Good, what's next?
19:33Ooh, oh, no, it's childcare.
19:39MUSIC PLAYS
19:47Hi.
19:49Hi, and congratulations.
19:51Thank you.
19:52This takes me back.
19:54Have you worn one of them before?
19:55Well, in my head, it's a bulletproof vest.
19:59And I am Detective Robin's homicide.
20:02Oh, hi, Joanne.
20:03What's going on?
20:04You've got to look after a baby.
20:07What is it?
20:09I'll pop her or him in.
20:10I can't remember the gender.
20:12Oh, God.
20:13Aww.
20:15There we go.
20:16Nothing to be frightened of.
20:17This is actually quite comfortable.
20:20Good.
20:20Nice on the shoulders.
20:23Complete the jobstacle course.
20:25Each job must be completed to a satisfactory quality level.
20:30The baby must remain in the baby carrier at all times,
20:32except during nappy change.
20:34Yes.
20:35Yes.
20:35You must complete the jobstacle course within eight minutes.
20:38The least babies feel to him.
20:41I'd actually like to spill a bit of us.
20:45We want a wet baby and a dry Steve.
20:49Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
20:52Oh, God.
20:55Nick looks terrified of the baby.
20:58I've got three kids.
20:59Have you really got three kids?
21:00Yeah, Jenny, it's weird, isn't it?
21:01Yeah, I have.
21:03Sorry, kids.
21:07That's quite calm.
21:07All right, then.
21:08The first to look after the big wet baby are Joanne and Sophie.
21:12I think my approach is going to be to glide.
21:16Swift, fast and smooth, like a swan.
21:19Do the dishes.
21:21They're in the caravan.
21:22I am curious about motherhood, so I think this will be good for me.
21:25Yeah, this will be a good test.
21:27Like a swan.
21:30Daddy horn hanging around outside of your fuck all.
21:37That's it.
21:38Done.
21:40Oh, this is unfortunate.
21:44Oh, now.
21:46Alex, pick up the basket.
21:48Pick up the basket.
21:49And the thing.
21:50I can't pick up the thing.
21:53Ben from the knees.
21:56Now.
22:04His shoes need cleaning now.
22:09Stay to your shoes, Greg.
22:11Trying to raise a jug of water here.
22:15There's a suffragette turn in her grave somewhere.
22:20Copy last.
22:21Done.
22:22OK.
22:23Does your big work baby have a name?
22:25Juicy.
22:28Get in.
22:29Get in.
22:30Get in.
22:30This is why women breastfeed.
22:31Because this is a pain in the health.
22:34It's your own baby.
22:35Yeah.
22:36That is the last one done?
22:38Yeah.
22:39Whack it in.
22:39Whack it in.
22:41Thank you.
22:42I think it's very impressive, Joanne, for you to make points about the patriarchy when you've got a bucket of
22:52water strapped to you.
22:53Any excuse.
22:54Can you tell me statistics about who was the most effective parent?
22:57Sophie spilt a fifth of her baby.
23:00Use some of the baby to clean the shoes with.
23:02Oh!
23:03I spilt some out of the store because I was like, that's going to go anyway.
23:06Might as well get rid of it.
23:07Not stressing.
23:08Beat up.
23:09Yeah, you only spilt a sixth of your baby, so you are currently in the lead, Joanne.
23:13Next up, it's two dads of three.
23:15It's Nick and it's Steve.
23:18OK, let's do the shoes first.
23:20Oh, God.
23:22Right, here we go.
23:23Oh, what am I going to clean them with?
23:25Oh, I can't use the baby.
23:27Sorry, baby.
23:28Just, I'm patting the baby's head.
23:30Baby's fine, though.
23:32Ah!
23:32Baby's fine.
23:33You're not cleaning with the baby at all, are you?
23:35A little bit, and I went in the, um, in the soapy water.
23:39With the wheels on her fingers and bells on her toes.
23:47I think your baby's been sick.
23:49Hang the laundry twix the cow in the caravan.
23:53Bit of baby spilt on your knee, then.
23:54Yeah, but that...
23:55Oh, a lot of...
23:56That's handy.
23:57I'm assuming I have to create my own line, yeah?
24:00To hang me.
24:02Sure, yeah.
24:04Laundry.
24:07There we go.
24:09Are you satisfied with that?
24:10Well, yeah.
24:11Yeah.
24:11So, I hang the laundry, dust the carpet.
24:14Oh, was that dusting the carpet?
24:18OK, best way to dust the carpet.
24:27Satisfied?
24:28No.
24:30Oh, baby's not happy with this.
24:33You thirsty?
24:36Oh, there we go.
24:38Now, let's get that nap-nap changed.
24:44Yeah.
24:45She loves that.
24:45There you go.
24:46That's not bad.
24:47Yeah.
24:47You've got three seconds left.
24:49Er...
24:50Love you.
24:52APPLAUSE
24:57To actual fathers, and with very contrasting approaches.
25:02Nick, you seem a very cautious and caring parent, I thought.
25:06Yeah.
25:07Did Nick spill a lot of baby?
25:08Yes, Nick spilled a quarter of his baby, whereas Steve, in the end,
25:12only 7% of babies spilt.
25:14Who would have thought that you would come across in this competition
25:16as a more effective parent by force-feeding your baby?
25:20I feel like I have to apologise to my own children now
25:23if that was anything like the upbringing they had.
25:25Yeah.
25:26Time for a break now.
25:27I say that.
25:28It doesn't seem to matter how much pressure I apply to Alex's pelvis,
25:32it just won't snap.
25:34LAUGHTER
25:43APPLAUSE
25:48Hello!
25:49Yes!
25:49You're back with us on Taskmaster.
25:51Mm-mm.
25:52Comedy, entertainment at its finest.
25:54Am I right, guys?
25:55The current task...
25:58..sees our comedians busy trying to complete a jobstacle course
26:01of household chores whilst looking after their water bottle
26:04in a baby carrier.
26:05Least baby-spilled wins.
26:07Last up, Ron Jobbins.
26:11What are you going to do first, John?
26:12Well, I'm going to take the baby out of this.
26:14It must stay in the baby carrier.
26:16It must remain in the baby carrier.
26:19BUZZER
26:19But the baby carrier doesn't have to remain on me.
26:26BUZZER
26:27Very good.
26:28Right.
26:29Do the dishes.
26:31Caravan.
26:34BUZZER
26:36Dishes...
26:36Done!
26:39Thank you, Greg.
26:41Dust the carpet.
26:43Four minutes left.
26:44Four minutes!
26:46Never done this before.
26:48The way my life's going, I'll probably never do it again.
26:53BUZZER
26:53A lot easier without a baby on your front.
26:55Oh, it's so much easier.
26:57And honestly, that baby's been driving me crazy.
27:01One minute left, John.
27:04Just taking a bit of care with this, Alex.
27:07How much more time have I got?
27:08Five.
27:10Four.
27:11Three.
27:13Two.
27:15BUZZER
27:16Thank you.
27:18APPLAUSE
27:20If anything, it was a tad smug.
27:23BUZZER
27:26But, you know, fast, wasn't it?
27:28Yeah, and it wasn't even about that.
27:29There was zero percentage of the baby spilt.
27:33Oh, don't leave a silence where there's a butt coming and you...
27:37No, there's no butt.
27:38I'm just allowing you to enjoy it.
27:40Oh, that's sweet.
27:41How long do you want to give him to enjoy it?
27:43LAUGHTER
27:46We'll give him ten more seconds, shall we?
27:54No, I unfortunately don't have another VT.
27:56He has genuinely nailed it.
27:57I know he has, yeah.
28:00APPLAUSE
28:03So the points are Nick gets one, Sophie two, Joanne three, Steve four,
28:07five points to John Robbins.
28:08Well done, John.
28:09APPLAUSE
28:13OK, what's next, please, Alex?
28:14You're going to like this, Greg.
28:15We started off in a tent and now we're going to be in tents.
28:20Intents.
28:21Yeah?
28:23LAUGHTER
28:39LAUGHTER
28:40Oh, hello.
28:47Hello, Alex.
28:50You all right?
28:52Oh, no.
28:54What now?
29:01Is this right?
29:07Hello?
29:08You OK?
29:10Have you seen something bad?
29:12Have you had an accident?
29:15LAUGHTER
29:20LAUGHTER
29:25Oh, thank you.
29:29Create tension.
29:31You've just given me a masterclass.
29:34Create tension.
29:35Oh!
29:37You were acting and you did it well.
29:40Most tension created wins.
29:43You have 20 minutes, your time starts now.
29:48Have you started the attention?
29:50I've started, this is tension.
29:51Yeah.
29:56So, like, just make it really awkward.
29:58What do you think of my tension that I created?
30:00Didn't feel tense.
30:02No, no, not well.
30:03Give it a two out of ten.
30:04Right.
30:05Sexual tension.
30:07LAUGHTER
30:09We're going to need some kind of elasticated...
30:12..roping.
30:13I would like to challenge you to a duel...
30:19..of...
30:20..hangman.
30:25It's not quite working there, is it?
30:28A tablecloth.
30:31I'm going to get some bits and bobs.
30:37APPLAUSE
30:41This will be interesting, because I know how to make you tense.
30:44Yes, you do.
30:46And I'm not going to be the only one, I suspect.
30:49Let's go.
30:50First of all, we're going to see three lots of tension makers.
30:53Sophie, John and Joanne.
30:56Tension.
30:58What is tension?
30:59Tension is the apprehension that something bad's going to happen, isn't it?
31:04It's tense.
31:05We're worried.
31:06Alex, sit with me.
31:09Sit down beside me.
31:11Yeah?
31:11Actually, no, actually, hop up here, hop up.
31:14Facing you?
31:15Like this?
31:15This is perfect, yeah.
31:17Go relax.
31:18No, don't relax.
31:19I want you on edge.
31:21In order to actually measure the tension,
31:24we've got both analogue and digital tension scales.
31:33Like Tyro walking but on a chair?
31:36Yeah.
31:39What's your salary?
31:42Don't lie.
31:43Don't lie to your mother.
31:44LAUGHTER
32:01Are you ready?
32:03Yeah, I'm ready.
32:04Increase the tension.
32:05Oh!
32:07Alex, stand firm.
32:09Let's take a reading.
32:10Alex, that's ten kilos of tension.
32:15Our genitals are not tension, just to be clear.
32:19Sadly.
32:32That was tense.
32:37That's so good.
32:38You smell just like him.
32:41LAUGHTER
32:45What am I doing with the net, John?
32:46What are you doing there?
32:47You're catching the marble of certain death.
32:49Oh, I see.
32:50OK.
32:51OK.
32:523...
32:532...
32:551...
32:57And there you go.
32:58The marble of certain death,
33:00caught by Alex under pretty extreme tension here.
33:03That's ten kilos of tension.
33:04That's your time up, John.
33:05Thank you.
33:064...
33:09I think I can find my whistles right down here, though.
33:12Excuse me?
33:13Ignore the whistle.
33:14It's just me and you now.
33:15I've got to give the whistle.
33:16I've asked the cameraman to leave.
33:19It's open.
33:20Oh, my God.
33:23Don't even look me in the eye.
33:24I have him again.
33:25Thank you.
33:32I told you someone would crack the code.
33:36LAUGHTER
33:37I got consent at every point.
33:39Every point there was consent.
33:40There was.
33:41What the audience didn't hear is what you said as you walked out,
33:43which was, never look at me again.
33:46LAUGHTER
33:48Sophie, watching you, um, standing on one leg,
33:52with a cup on your head,
33:53hissing like a fucking snake...
33:55LAUGHTER
33:56..is the least tense I've ever felt.
33:59LAUGHTER
34:00You've never been in that position,
34:02cos you're always taller, aren't you?
34:04Yeah.
34:04But actually having somebody...
34:07LAUGHTER
34:09Well, let me...
34:09Let me... Yeah, go on.
34:11If you sit on the floor...
34:14LAUGHTER
34:19LAUGHTER
34:22LAUGHTER
34:23LAUGHTER
34:26APPLAUSE
34:27APPLAUSE
34:30What about Johnny,
34:31just a very literal version of tension?
34:33Did he create much tension?
34:35Well, yes.
34:35One kilogramme on Earth is 9.8 Newtons of tension,
34:40we know this, and you had 10 kilos.
34:41So, yeah, it was 98 Newtons of tension he created,
34:43which is about the same as a small monkey swinging on a tree.
34:47LAUGHTER
34:49How heavy is the monkey?
34:52LAUGHTER
34:52It said, a small monkey.
34:54How many pounds of tension did he create?
34:57LAUGHTER
34:58Tension's not measured in...
35:00..stones or pounds.
35:01It's not measured in monkeys, mate.
35:03It's measured in...
35:05LAUGHTER
35:05APPLAUSE
35:10Who's left?
35:11Next up,
35:12time to vamp up the tension with Nick Mohamed.
35:16Ooh.
35:28How long, Alex?
35:30One minute, Nick.
35:54That's what I intended.
35:56And that, then go over there with that.
35:57Go over there with that.
35:59And there's a little...
36:01It'll finish.
36:06APPLAUSE
36:11Thanks, Alex.
36:12See you later.
36:15LAUGHTER
36:19APPLAUSE
36:22The old egg misses the glass trick, eh?
36:25That was genuinely stressful just re-watching that.
36:28LAUGHTER
36:28Yeah, there was tension there.
36:30I've got to say, it's not looking bad for you on this one.
36:32Oh, great.
36:32Yeah.
36:33And bear in mind...
36:34Who are you sitting there?
36:35AHHHHH!
36:38LAUGHTER
36:38Right, we're nearly at the end of the show,
36:40when one of the comedians will scream with delight
36:43as they head home with their very own trough.
36:46But first...
36:47..have some bad verts.
36:50APPLAUSE
36:58Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show,
37:01where things have been pretty damn tense.
37:02Oh, you've been pretty, I've been tense.
37:04And that's because we've come to the end of our Create Tension task,
37:08and it ends with me versus Steve at Hangman.
37:14BUZZER
37:15BUZZER
37:19BUZZER
37:21BUZZER
37:22BUZZER
37:22BUZZER
37:23BUZZER
37:24BUZZER
37:24BUZZER
37:25BUZZER
37:25BUZZER
37:32BUZZER
37:35BUZZER
37:37BUZZER
37:38BUZZER
37:38BUZZER
37:42BUZZER
37:43BUZZER
37:44BUZZER
37:45BUZZER
37:46BUZZER
37:46BUZZER
37:50BUZZER
37:56BUZZER
37:58BUZZER
37:59BUZZER
37:59BUZZER
38:00BUZZER
38:01BUZZER
38:01BUZZER
38:01BUZZER
38:01BUZZER
38:02BUZZER
38:02BUZZER
38:02BUZZER
38:02D
38:03H
38:06M
38:09F
38:11N
38:20P
38:21C
38:26B
38:29H
38:33C
38:36G
38:40V
38:47Nightclub
39:07It means assistant.
39:17What an impressive production.
39:20Amazing.
39:22The tension in that room between Alex and I and the no vowels hangman rule, that really upped it 50%.
39:30It did.
39:31Oh.
39:32It was electric.
39:34LAUGHTER
39:34If I were to pick perhaps a small criticism, yoghurt, cheese and hot sauce sounds quite nice.
39:41LAUGHTER
39:41Right, Sophie's getting one point.
39:44Then there's a gulf between Sophie and the others, so we jump up to three points.
39:49Right, who's getting three points?
39:51John is.
39:52I felt tense with Nick and with Steve.
39:55Steve, I felt deliberately tense.
39:58And with Nick, I felt his gross incompetence was...
40:01LAUGHTER
40:02..as a magician was going to result in someone being hurt.
40:05So I can draw a parallel there and say four points for both.
40:08But we all know where the most tension was in the room.
40:11LAUGHTER
40:11And it was a grown woman sniffing your beard.
40:14LAUGHTER
40:15So five points to Joanna, that's it.
40:17APPLAUSE
40:21Scoreboard, Troy.
40:22Right, OK.
40:23Well, unfortunately, Sophie, that means you've only got six points,
40:26whereas John and Joanna are in the lead with 17 points.
40:29APPLAUSE
40:33All right then, please can you vacate your chairs, head to the stage
40:37for the final task of the show!
40:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:49Who's going to read the task out?
40:50Joanne McNally, my friend.
40:53LAUGHTER
40:53Don't look at me, Alex.
40:54Don't look at me.
40:55Catch the most monsters in your boxes.
40:58The monsters must propel themselves from the table.
41:01Most monsters in boxes after two minutes wins.
41:04And I should also say, if you catch one in your arm,
41:07that's worth one monster.
41:08In your hat, that's worth two monsters.
41:11It's three on the leg, four on the back bucket,
41:15five on the shoulder.
41:17Isn't the leg one a bit unfair?
41:19Someone's got an advantage.
41:21LAUGHTER
41:25OK, so it's two minutes, Greg.
41:27Let's dance.
41:28WHISTLE BLOWS
41:29And they're off.
41:30Whoa!
41:32It's hard to even go.
41:34Oh!
41:35How do you do it?
41:36They're not bouncing.
41:38Oh!
41:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:45Now I'm tense, Sophie.
42:00Oh!
42:04Oh!
42:05Nick is pulling away here.
42:07LAUGHTER
42:0924.
42:11How are you over there?
42:14Oh, Steve.
42:17That was so close.
42:18Tip the table.
42:18Tip that table.
42:19WHISTLE BLOWS
42:22WHISTLE BLOWS
42:23Stop!
42:24APPLAUSE
42:26Oh!
42:28My class, I want something new, David.
42:30It did say in the task,
42:31the monsters must propel themselves from the table.
42:33Are we happy that the stage is a table for Sophie?
42:36I mean, it's an act of charity, I think.
42:38LAUGHTER
42:39OK, I'm going to quickly count the monsters.
42:42We have one in the top.
42:44That's two monsters for Joanne.
42:45Lovely.
42:46APPLAUSE
42:47We have one in the top.
42:48We also have two bucket monsters.
42:50So that's a total of ten monsters.
42:53That's a lot of monsters.
42:55We have two in the leg.
42:56That's six monsters.
42:58Right.
42:59Unfortunately, the arm is the lowest scoring.
43:01There are six in there, which is also a total of six monsters.
43:04APPLAUSE
43:07There is one in the hat and there are two in the bucket.
43:10So that's a total of ten monsters.
43:12APPLAUSE
43:15So, why don't you all come down here
43:17and we'll see what that's done to the final scores.
43:20APPLAUSE
43:26Greg, I need to show you a couple of things.
43:27Oh, good.
43:28Is it related to the show?
43:30LAUGHTER
43:31Unfortunately, yes.
43:32I need to get your judgement on a couple of little bits I caught
43:35during the task.
43:37Ooh!
43:40Some impropriety.
43:41LAUGHTER
43:43You need them, otherwise you can't see.
43:45LAUGHTER
43:46OK, have a look up here.
43:47The first thing I saw was this.
43:49APPLAUSE
43:49Great armour!
43:51Oh!
43:55Outrageous.
43:56Yeah, so do you want to dock him one monster or more?
43:58Oh, I mean, he's disqualified from the whole...
44:00I'm joking, I'm joking!
44:03Yeah, just dock him one point, yeah.
44:05One monster's gone.
44:06And then it's whether or not Steve's final hat monster was before
44:09or after the whistle.
44:11APPLAUSE
44:13Stop!
44:16Well, it was about three years afterwards.
44:19So there's not a lot of tension in that decision, is it?
44:23So that means Joanne is last with the two monsters,
44:26then it's Nick with five, Sophie with six,
44:28Steve with eight,
44:29and John takes all five points with the ten monsters!
44:31There it is!
44:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:36Excited what that's done to the final scoreboard,
44:38because so far, only Steve has won, of course.
44:40Correct.
44:41In this episode, Joanne was pipped to the post.
44:44She got 18 points and John got 22 points!
44:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:58So, what have we learnt from today's show?
45:00Well, we've learnt that everyone finds themselves
45:03in tense situations,
45:04a difficult negotiation, perhaps,
45:06a feud with a neighbour,
45:07an argument with a partner.
45:09But remember,
45:10there's always a way to defuse that awful tension.
45:13And this is it.
45:15US!
45:17LAUGHTER
45:21But there's only one real winner tonight,
45:23ladies and gentlemen,
45:24that is John Robin!
45:25APPLAUSE
45:55.
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