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Taskmaster - S19E08 - Science All Your Life [Full Movie] [New Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:02this was a mistake
00:03shut up
00:05button
00:14you're mad
00:16wow
00:35welcome to taskmaster
00:37or as they call it in wales
00:38alright boys how's it going
00:40dear it's called at the moment
00:41oh that's where my big court fair play
00:45it is called my dinner
00:46hey do you know my brother
00:48he looks like my brother he does
00:51the competition is really hurtling
00:53towards a conclusion so please welcome
00:56the warriors holding on for dear life
00:58they are Fatih El Ghori
01:01Jason Mantzuka
01:04Matthew Bainter
01:07Rosie Ramsey
01:09and Stevie Martin
01:14and next to me
01:15a man who says that women should be like
01:18the landmark shard building in London
01:20they should look attractive remain silent
01:22and have a glass ceiling firmly in place
01:30and
01:31don't shoot the messenger
01:32shoot
01:33little Alex
01:34hall
01:34hall
01:37cheers
01:38hello Greg
01:39hello mate
01:39hello
01:40I've just got this madman before we start
01:42I'm so sorry
01:43but today for the viewers at home
01:45and people watching on the big screen in Trafalgar Square
01:47here is your bingo code
01:50so just scan that now
01:51one of you could be a lucky winner
01:53and um
01:55Greg if you wouldn't mind
01:56just a quick selfie
01:59is that alright
01:59it's just my
02:00one of my mum's friends
02:01really fancies you
02:02so um
02:04one of your mum's friends
02:08thank you to smile
02:10actually it's a video actually
02:11it's for Jennifer really
02:12just
02:14hello Jennifer
02:15lovely
02:15yeah
02:15I understand you fancy me
02:18you'll strap yourself in
02:21thanks Greg she'll love that honestly
02:23right
02:23let's up the price test category please Alex
02:26you sure can Greg
02:27this time you've asked them to bring in
02:28the best object that you've borrowed from a fairly close friend
02:31hmm
02:32it's down to you to judge the best borrowed object
02:35and the winner of the whole episode will sort of own five things that actually belong to other people that
02:39are sort of friends of the cast
02:40done
02:42Stevie
02:42what have you borrowed?
02:43so um
02:44I went to a wedding
02:46um
02:46and it was one of my very close friends
02:48and she really liked Lord of the Rings
02:50but her partner doesn't
02:51and so as a compromise
02:53she put like a secret bit on her website
02:55and it said
02:56if you wanted to get dressed up as a Lord of the Rings character for the party bit
03:00then you could
03:01so I borrowed loads of things
03:03one of which was this sword
03:04a foam sword
03:05here it is
03:06um
03:06four people in the entire wedding
03:08had just put some little cloaks on
03:10and I went as the Witch King of Angmar
03:12um
03:13the Lord of Nazareth
03:17APPLAUSE
03:17Is that the bride there Stevie?
03:19That's the bride
03:20I mean I looked at that and I thought
03:22God you look different without make-up on
03:25and then I realised you were the Witch King of Angmar
03:29well done
03:30this is
03:31might be your best thing so far
03:32yes
03:33three points
03:36I don't see it going past three for sure
03:40Matthew
03:40well for me it was a case of Jim Howick's two-man kayak
03:46and here it is
03:49so I remembered he had this and I thought that would be a pretty significant thing to have borrowed
03:55from a fairly close friend so I managed to persuade him that I needed to borrow it to let my
04:02kids go kayaking
04:04why didn't you just tell him you were borrowing it for this?
04:06well why did you have to tell this ridiculous life?
04:09is that an option?
04:12that wouldn't be funny?
04:15that wouldn't be funny
04:16how would that be funny?
04:18Patia can you beat a kayak?
04:20yeah I can
04:20you know when you're struggling in life yeah and things are hard and then everything
04:25every part of your life starts to suffer
04:27so there was a point in my life where I was struggling with Faith particularly
04:31and then there was a girl that I was working with and she gave me a prayer mat
04:37and here it is on Taskmaster
04:38there it is
04:39aww
04:40and every time I struggle in something I always look at this and remember like the hope at the end
04:45of it
04:45so I'm grateful and yeah that was it and good luck making that funny
04:54there are not many people I would argue on television globally in my position who would have the sheer audacity
05:03to put a rubber sword above an Islamic prayer
05:12I've got to say it feels like quite the test
05:15it's a really lovely story and a lovely object
05:19Rosie
05:21so it's lovely really lovely
05:23and I'm so glad it brings you so much joy
05:26erm I've brought in erm a pelvic floor exerciser
05:39sorry somebody wants that back
05:44you borrowed it
05:47I did yeah
05:48who'd you borrow it from
05:49my fairly close sister
05:52could have lied she's being honest which is good
05:54I know yeah no but I we've got the same juice
06:02everyone's got their hands on their face
06:04everyone
06:04like I've washed it in that obviously
06:06obviously
06:08should we pop back to the prayer mat for a bit or
06:12one more there's one more Greg
06:14oh god this is awful
06:15I dread to think what you've brought in
06:17so the best thing to borrow from a close friend or a semi close friend
06:22is for me a prize that has previously been awarded five points in the prize task category
06:30let's see it
06:32that's nice
06:32he borrowed this
06:33from Fatia
06:35you won't come on
06:40this is the taskmaster pop-up book that Matthew brought
06:44and Fatia won
06:46and I asked to look at it
06:48and she said
06:49yeah go ahead borrow it
06:50take it as long as you want
06:51this was
06:5245 minutes ago
06:55so and you gave it five points last time so
06:58give me them points baby
07:01okay that's everything
07:02I don't know
07:03no
07:04whether you should be borrowing
07:07a device for your vagina
07:11so
07:12so one point
07:12one point to Rose
07:14two points to Matthew's thing
07:15two to the kayak
07:16got it
07:17kayaks are
07:18boring
07:18two
07:20jason
07:21how dare you
07:22stevie
07:23wouldn't be getting four points just for the sword
07:26if I hadn't seen that picture of her in that outfit
07:28next to a bride
07:30and five points
07:31Fatia
07:31because you know
07:33of course
07:33it was a genuinely touching story
07:35and I'm thrilled that it's so important to you
07:37five points to Fatia O'Ghori
07:39five points to Fatia O'Ghori
07:43let's start the tasks pop-up
07:45yes
07:46and we're going to see them doing their best to impress
07:48in the garden first of all
08:02hello
08:04hi alex
08:04hi jason
08:05hello alex
08:06lovely to see you
08:07lovely to see you we were just speaking inside
08:09hello
08:10what's cooking good looking
08:12oh really
08:13I went on a school trip bowling and it went really badly
08:19knock over all ten skittles in ten minutes
08:23in America skittles are a candy
08:25ah what are these
08:26bowling pins
08:28the final skittle should fall exactly when the whistle sounds
08:32if any skittle is left standing after ten minutes
08:36you have failed
08:39you must stay behind the rope at all times
08:42closest to ten minutes wins
08:44your time starts
08:46now
08:47I mean it's pointless asking there's not a bowling ball that you've got there is there
08:51you could do whatever you want behind that rope
09:00you alluded to a terrible bowling trip there
09:03yes
09:03do you want to talk about it
09:05not really
09:05no
09:07okay
09:07I got bullied at school and that's where it started
09:09so
09:11it's not
09:12you ass it's not funny
09:14put the prayer mat up
09:18come on let's bounce
09:19let's bounce
09:20okay well first up and I hope they do really really well at this one
09:23it's Jason
09:23Matt
09:24and Stevie's attempts
09:27I'm going to smash this because I
09:29um
09:29went on a bowling trip with school
09:32and uh
09:32came last
09:33and it was the pinnacle
09:35of the bullying experience
09:37and I
09:38no one sat with me on the bus home
09:40so sorry to trigger you
09:41so I just need to clear them all but one for now
09:45that won't do it
09:54pretty great right
09:55pretty good you want the last one going down in nine minutes time
10:02three
10:03sorry about the pot
10:06not bad
10:07okay
10:12I care nothing for your cameras
10:18yeah you've done one
10:19look out
10:24hey
10:48yes
10:52what's the time?
10:5350 seconds
10:54okay
11:05okay
11:05you okay?
11:08I think I'm over the line
11:1112 seconds left
11:12three skittles still
11:13they need to all go down
11:14can you pass me the brick?
11:18can you pass me the brick?
11:19yes
11:19you've got four seconds
11:20one brick
11:30one
11:495
11:57फ्राफ्ड़राँ तटडेज।
12:00ज Соइन?
12:02प्राफ्त गार्स daleे गावत इंगそ?
12:09तोन्होल सवान एलप सब
12:13अग्षड़ोराई हो अिलाई साफ।
12:15अग्ष़ोराई
12:19तोस्ब्हड़ोarin
12:21खवाजय अफेड़ प्रसकारे का लाफिज्ट टार अवियोर अविखक टारीजिश टेयोर्टाटूराय।
12:38I'm really sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is so stupid, I'm sorry.
12:41Um, Stevie.
12:43If you succeed in the next task, you will lose one point.
12:48So the next task?
12:49Yeah.
12:49Are you going to succeed?
12:52Yeah.
12:53How?
12:54By failing.
12:54Good.
12:57So after this, you're going to go out there, turn left and do a task.
13:00How long?
13:01Two seconds.
13:02You need to fail that task.
13:05If you succeed in the next task, you will lose one point.
13:10Huh?
13:12Let's do it.
13:12Come on.
13:13Where are we going?
13:14We're going out there.
13:18Hi, Jason.
13:19Hello, Alex.
13:20Lovely to see you.
13:21Lovely to see you.
13:21We were just speaking inside.
13:23Were we?
13:24Yeah.
13:25Just, like, mere moments ago.
13:31Well, thank God.
13:34So that means that was a fake fall you did?
13:36A planned fall.
13:37It was real.
13:38Let me be clear.
13:40I fell hard.
13:42Really good.
13:43Jason also chose violence for the 12th time in the series.
13:48Violence against myself.
13:50And the cameraman when you threw a...
13:51Oh, yeah.
13:52I don't think of them as people.
13:53Oh, God.
13:57Well, I'd love it if you were out of focus for the rest of the episode.
14:05I genuinely thought that was your actual attempt.
14:08Because you've been so close to some sort of collapse mentally.
14:12I thought, yeah, I mean, he's nearly there now.
14:16Oh, God.
14:16Thank God.
14:17It was quite harrowing.
14:19It's all right.
14:20I felt very hot and sweaty and embarrassed watching that.
14:23Total light?
14:24I got bullied, but not that badly, and not at bowling.
14:28APPLAUSE
14:30So they all did well, weren't they, so far?
14:32It's most heartbreakingly spectacular.
14:34And they all came down right to the end.
14:35These two missed the final one at the last second,
14:38and 20 seconds before the end, Jason fell.
14:41LAUGHTER
14:42OK, break time.
14:43Power nuff or power crap?
14:44That's up to you, my friends, but whatever you do,
14:47please don't do both at the same time.
14:49That's a nice sofa.
14:51See you in a minute.
14:57APPLAUSE
14:59APPLAUSE
15:02Hello!
15:03Welcome back to part two of Taskmaster.
15:05There have been some unintentionally glorious failures
15:08on this show over the years,
15:10and now they're trying their best to fail on purpose.
15:14Yeah, boy, this is some next-level stuff.
15:18Wah!
15:18Pah!
15:19Isn't it?
15:19The task they need to fail
15:21is to knock over ten Skittles in ten minutes.
15:23If they succeed at the task, they will lose one point.
15:26Now, for the final two heartbreakingly spectacular contestants,
15:30it's Rosie and Fatia.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:32LAUGHTER
15:35What do I...what do I use?
15:36What would you normally use?
15:39Are you looking for anything in particular?
15:40Yeah, I'm looking for some balls.
15:42These aren't really that heavy.
15:47Ooh, yes!
15:48Come on.
15:51Are you ready?
15:52I'm ready.
15:56I'll get one, I'll get one.
15:58Oh!
16:01LAUGHTER
16:02That's a good strategy, right?
16:04They've all got to go down.
16:05I know, I'm trying, I'm trying.
16:07In the next five minutes.
16:08Watch out, everyone.
16:09OK.
16:12Yes!
16:13Yes!
16:13Come on!
16:14Maybe if I'll throw it.
16:15Maybe.
16:16Hold on.
16:21Yes!
16:23Two left.
16:24You don't want to knock them all down.
16:25Right.
16:29Oh!
16:30LAUGHTER
16:32The last one's going to fall at exactly ten minutes.
16:36Wow.
16:37I'm coming.
16:38OK, you need to get them all down.
16:40LAUGHTER
16:44LAUGHTER
16:44LAUGHTER
16:45LAUGHTER
16:45LAUGHTER
16:45You haven't knocked any down.
16:46How do you feel?
16:47Terrible.
16:48I'm the best throw-er in my borough.
16:51And now, look.
16:52Yeah.
16:56LAUGHTER
17:00Congratulations, you've knocked over all ten,
17:02and there's just two and a half minutes left.
17:06LAUGHTER
17:07APPLAUSE
17:10Just, um, check the wording of the task.
17:14Fail the next task in the most...
17:15Oh, heartbreakingly spectacular.
17:17Sorry, I thought it was just shit.
17:19LAUGHTER
17:21And you didn't fail.
17:22No, I know.
17:23I didn't really understand.
17:24And he talked to her for ages about it,
17:26and I just...
17:27I nodded, didn't I?
17:28Yeah.
17:28And I was like, yeah.
17:29And I went, I didn't have a clue.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:32So, what does that mean?
17:33Rosie gets...
17:34Well, it means it's mad that she's in second place in the series,
17:36but, um...
17:38LAUGHTER
17:39LAUGHTER
17:40Uh, she has to get minus one point.
17:42That's it.
17:42You have to go down a point in the series.
17:44I'm sorry.
17:44What?
17:45Oh, you don't understand.
17:46No, you have to lose a point.
17:47I lose a point!
17:49So, all we know is that Rosie definitely gets minus one point
17:52because she succeeded in the task.
17:53The rest all failed, so it's up to you.
17:55Who was the most heartbreakingly spectacular?
17:56Fatia, do you think that was heartbreaking or spectacular?
18:00I think it was bloody spectacular.
18:02Well, I'm here to tell you, it was neither of them.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:06You're so cruel, but it just makes me want you more.
18:10LAUGHTER
18:11LAUGHTER
18:11Exactly my tactic, my friend.
18:14OK, two to Fatia.
18:15OK, Matthews was generally quite heartbreaking
18:18cos it was, er, you know, part of his ongoing breakdown.
18:22Right.
18:22But I think we have to reward Jason's incredible stunt at the end.
18:27OK.
18:27Which is spectacular.
18:28Three to Matthews, four to Jason.
18:30I genuinely believed you were bullied.
18:33LAUGHTER
18:33I was, but not that bad.
18:35But not that bad.
18:35So, it's all cool!
18:37Five points.
18:38APPLAUSE
18:42Hey, what's the scores?
18:43After two tasks, Rosie's got these.
18:45A memorable scene.
18:47Like a scene in a film.
18:49Just a memorable scene.
18:50That's all the information.
18:56OK, I'm just going to collect in those cards.
19:04And that's for you.
19:05Aw.
19:06That's the second part of the task.
19:08OK.
19:09OK, here we go.
19:10So, paint your memorable scene
19:13so that your team-mate can guess your three words.
19:16You must not give any clues
19:18about your own three-word scene
19:20except by painting the scene.
19:22You must not write any words.
19:24Fastest wins.
19:26Your time starts when the turntable turns.
19:30Turn the turntable.
19:38What?
19:39Are you joking?
19:41Have we got to do it?
19:42Are you kidding me?
19:43Are you kidding me?
19:46APPLAUSE
19:49Your nickname is not going to catch on.
19:52Yes, it is.
19:52It makes you both less memorable.
19:55What?
19:55What is it?
19:56JV Marzoukas!
19:57JV Marzoukas.
19:58We should get a point for having a team name
20:00and team spirit.
20:00And we've lost every team task so far.
20:04LAUGHTER
20:04You have been bad.
20:06Good.
20:07Good.
20:07Let's...let's spin the canvases, man.
20:10Will do.
20:11I suppose we might as well start with a team of two.
20:14Jason and...
20:16JV Marzoukas.
20:16Better known as...
20:18JV Marzoukas!
20:19Thank you!
20:22Turn the turntable.
20:26OK.
20:27Oh.
20:28Oh, I see.
20:29OK.
20:32Don't guess yet.
20:34Don't guess yet.
20:37Rabbit.
20:38That is one of the words.
20:40OK.
20:41Oh, dang.
20:42OK.
20:42I'm bad at this.
20:45Now it just looks like boobs.
20:46It looks like boobs, but it's not boobs.
20:47I won't guess boobs?
20:48Yeah.
20:49Wait.
20:50Guess, guess, guess.
20:50Based on my stuff?
20:51Oh, sorry.
20:51Poison.
20:52Skull and crossbones.
20:53Pirate.
20:54Medicine.
20:59What?
21:00Woman?
21:01Uh...
21:02Graveyard.
21:03Oh, son of a bitch.
21:05Like, what more can I possibly do than what I've done?
21:08Mountain's dead.
21:09Dead is right.
21:13Car.
21:14Yes!
21:14Car.
21:15Great, great, great.
21:16He's got none of yours.
21:16None of mine?
21:17Oh, what is it?
21:18Oh, it's a lip.
21:20It's a car.
21:21It's a boat.
21:21But, but, but.
21:22Smiling.
21:23Smiling.
21:23Lip smiling.
21:24Sad face.
21:24Oh, love.
21:25Kissing.
21:26Kissing.
21:26Kiss.
21:27Kiss is correct.
21:28OK, right.
21:29Memorable scene with kissing.
21:30Boobs kissing.
21:31It doesn't feel like you're doing anything.
21:33Turn them around and start again, maybe.
21:35Yeah, great.
21:35That's a great idea.
21:35I'm going to do that.
21:37OK.
21:38So we're starting again.
21:39Right.
21:40Here it comes.
21:41Oh, baby.
21:41Baby's kissing.
21:44It would be memorable.
21:46Oh.
21:47Oh.
21:49I see.
21:50Slap.
21:50Yes.
21:51Correct.
21:52One to go.
21:52We've got two words right now.
21:54OK.
21:54Kiss.
21:55Slap.
21:56Look.
21:58What is that?
22:00Glare.
22:01Glower.
22:02Yes.
22:03Yes.
22:03Yes.
22:04Yes.
22:04Please.
22:04Look.
22:05Glimpse.
22:06Glance.
22:07Glance is right.
22:08I've stopped the clock.
22:09You went from glower to glimpse to glance.
22:11I got glance from that.
22:13That's incredible.
22:15That's incredible.
22:18Can I just say something?
22:19Before we did it, when we wrote the words, Jason went, just so you know, when we're writing
22:24these words, we're probably going to have to paint them.
22:26And then he wrote glance.
22:30It was a real low point for JV Martzukas because I felt particularly bad for Stevie because
22:36I am dog shit at every element of this.
22:39What?
22:40This is going to come as a surprise.
22:41I'm willing to say I'm not good at art.
22:46And this, ladies and gentlemen, marks the first time that Jason has admitted that he's
22:51bad at anything.
22:52Yeah.
22:52Unless it's boobs, which I can draw when I'm trying to draw anything.
22:55It comes out looking like boobs.
22:59Thank you for saluting me.
23:01This might be your journey to becoming British, you know, a bit of self-doubt.
23:04Mmm.
23:04Oh, Daddy!
23:06Oh, God!
23:08OK, advert time.
23:10In a troubled world, what better moment to take the hand of that special person in your
23:14life and tell them that you love them?
23:20Do you want me to get the belt again?
23:22I'm so sorry.
23:23I thought you wanted me to...
23:24No?
23:24We'll see you in a minute.
23:25I'm so sorry.
23:27APPLAUSE
23:38Here we are.
23:39It's the start of the second half of the show.
23:41There's a team task which needs closure.
23:43So, the task involves each contestant painting a memorable scene on their canvas,
23:47which can be described in three words.
23:49and they then have to guess what each other's three words are from their paintings.
23:54Fatia, Matthew and Rosie are all in one team, so this won't be straightforward.
23:59Oh, for God's sake.
24:01Right, is that yours then?
24:02Right, this is mine.
24:06Oh, sugar.
24:08Do you know what?
24:09I like this, yeah, because I used to do art,
24:11so I'm going to smash this right up.
24:13Guess what the others are.
24:16Er, lightning.
24:17No.
24:18Storm.
24:19That is one of the words.
24:21Yes.
24:21Is yours Jaws?
24:22Not Jaws.
24:23It's three words.
24:24Captain Phillips?
24:25No, no, it's three words.
24:26Is it love?
24:27Love is one of the words, correct.
24:28Love.
24:29Are we guessing the film?
24:30Ocean.
24:30No, you're just guessing the three words that you've eaten through the next.
24:34Giraffe?
24:35No.
24:40Is it drowning?
24:41Correct.
24:42We're looking for six more words.
24:45Wow.
24:46You've added details.
24:47Is it a sex scene?
24:48Romeo and Juliet.
24:49Is it from Titanic?
24:51Is it?
24:52Weirdly, the Titanic was what was in my mind for this.
24:55Can I tell him?
24:55No.
24:56Definitely not.
24:56No.
24:57That would give it away.
24:57Could I quickly draw some things that you might guess the words?
25:01Well, I think you should have done that a while ago.
25:02Oh.
25:04French women.
25:06French is correct.
25:07Oh, yeah.
25:08I can't give any clues, can I?
25:10No, you can by painting.
25:12Life drawing.
25:13Posing.
25:14Figurative.
25:15Masturbating.
25:17Touching yourself.
25:18Are you giving me a clue?
25:19Seduction.
25:20No, am I?
25:20Yeah, seduction.
25:22Seductive.
25:22Drag each other.
25:24Yeah, let's try it.
25:25What could your word do?
25:26Mine is so easy.
25:28Where are they?
25:29Restaurant.
25:30Cafe.
25:30Cafe is right.
25:31Yes!
25:32Oh.
25:33Is it them?
25:34What's it called?
25:35They all have what she's.
25:37Harry and Sally.
25:37Correct!
25:38Yay!
25:39High five, bruh!
25:40We've got Harry, Sally, Cafe, Stormlove, Drowning, and French.
25:44And French.
25:45Yeah.
25:46Sexy.
25:46Sexy is correct.
25:48OK, now, my last word.
25:49How do you draw this?
25:51What's the film?
25:51Titanic.
25:53And what's the scene?
25:53The scene where he paints her naked.
25:55Using?
25:56Using paints.
25:57Pencil.
25:58Crayons.
26:01Charcoal.
26:02Correct!
26:03Is it?
26:03Stopped the turntable!
26:05I'm so sorry.
26:07I'm so sorry.
26:08I'm so sorry.
26:08I remember the bit where he drowns more.
26:11APPLAUSE
26:14Well, Rosie, I put it to you for the...
26:18No, no, I didn't.
26:20What's absolutely fascinating is even when you understood it,
26:23you chose to depict the scene where Kate Winslet gets painted
26:28with the words sexy French charcoal.
26:33She says, draw me like one of those French girls.
26:36Yes.
26:37Yes.
26:37Right, here we go.
26:38Oh, sorry.
26:39Can you go off a bit?
26:39Sorry, Lizzie.
26:41That's it.
26:41Go back a bit.
26:42Back a bit.
26:43Back a bit more.
26:44That's it.
26:44Stop.
26:46Sorry, not let go.
26:47Go back again.
26:48OK, yeah.
26:49Yeah, from there, please.
26:50Good.
26:50Right, here's the next task.
26:52LAUGHTER
27:05I came in with a bang.
27:08Jason.
27:11Lots of props.
27:18Obey the autocue, OK?
27:22The most authoritative delivery with the fewest mistakes wins.
27:28Oh!
27:30Your time starts when the autocue starts.
27:34Have you used autocue before?
27:35No.
27:36APPLAUSE
27:40Rosie, I forget that you're a mother.
27:42You've got two children, right?
27:43Yeah.
27:44And every now and again, you just get a brief insight into it.
27:47And the way that you arrived at this task and assessed it,
27:50it looked like a mum going into a kid's room and going,
27:53look at the state of this bedroom.
27:54Can you just show the clip?
27:55I know the bit.
27:56It's this bit.
27:59LAUGHTER
28:04OK, good.
28:06Who's first?
28:07Yes, it's time to try out our first three young science presenters,
28:10Jason, Matt and Rosie.
28:12Commence the autocue.
28:13Oh, hello, folks.
28:15My name is scientist Dr Rosie slash Ramsay.
28:20Dr Jackson Mickey.
28:23My name is Dr Dark Stuff.
28:27And I'd like to welcome you all to Science Today Today.
28:33Science Today.
28:35Science Today.
28:36What's gonna happen?
28:38I'm science all your life.
28:40Get fucking buckled in.
28:43Science Today!
28:44Here we go!
28:46So, what's on today's Science Today show?
28:50We're going to do two scientific demonstrations and I guarantee...
28:53They'll both blow your mind.
28:57Let me think.
28:59Which two experiments should we do today on Science Today?
29:03OK, we will do...
29:05One.
29:06One.
29:06And three.
29:08Number one and number three.
29:09Oh, yes.
29:11So, that means you'll see me do the bounce experiment.
29:15Ha-ha!
29:15Boing!
29:19This ball is so bouncy that every time you drop it,
29:23and that's drop, not throw...
29:24It bounces up to a much higher place than where it started.
29:28I know.
29:28Matt, watch this.
29:34Failure.
29:34This fantastical orb has a tiny track out inside,
29:38which means it always returns to exactly where it was thrown from.
29:41Don't believe me?
29:42You will soon.
29:52Ta-da!
29:53Are we talking?
29:55Let's move on to my second experiment.
29:58Yes!
29:59Yes!
30:00Yes!
30:00Did you know a rainbow changes the colour of the whole sky?
30:04I think that's right.
30:05I can't remember.
30:06I'm having trouble sleeping.
30:08There was this time a few years ago when I actually was dropped from a very high height.
30:17I hit someone in my car.
30:25I think they were still okay, but I panicked and I drove away.
30:32ten years ago, I was lost at sea.
30:38Anyway, there's a way you can change the colour of other things too.
30:42And that way is called paint.
30:47Hey!
30:50Paint!
30:51Woo!
30:53If you shut your eyes and really concentrate, you can actually tell the colour of paint by its smell.
30:59Take this tub here, okay?
31:01I'm going to put the tub behind my back and open it without looking at it.
31:05Now, I'm going to do a big sniff of the air in front of me.
31:11That's definitely blue.
31:12Blue.
31:13Blue.
31:23That's the one, yellow.
31:25Ooh, I think that one's yellow.
31:28It's yellow.
31:30Totally yellow.
31:32But what happens if I mix these two together, it'll make a brand new colour.
31:37That colour is called Blallo.
31:40And that colour is called...
31:44...James.
31:47Once they're mixed together, I can use my thumb as a paintbrush.
31:52It's like a brown colour, isn't it?
31:54What's brown? A piece of turd.
31:57Hey Presto, I've made a Blallo car.
32:05Boobs.
32:06I've got to go now.
32:08But not before I sing the theme tune again.
32:10Exactly the same as I sang it first time round.
32:12Let's dance together. Goodbye everyone.
32:15Science today. Science today.
32:18Dr Rosie Ramsey. Science today.
32:21Science yesterday.
32:24Not science tomorrow. Science today.
32:27I will kill you.
32:34When I was a child growing up in the 1970s,
32:37the BBC used to show really boring open university lecturers.
32:42It was so tedious and awful.
32:44For the vast majority of it, that's what Matthew reminded me of.
32:48That's what I was going for.
32:50And then every now and then, something weird just sneaked in.
32:54Here's science, Matt.
32:57Science today.
32:58And science all your life.
33:04I guess those broadcasts when you were a child were different over in the States.
33:08Much more aggressive.
33:09Yeah.
33:10Yeah.
33:11Get fucking buckled in.
33:13I don't know how relevant I will kill you is.
33:18Listen.
33:19You know what that's going to do?
33:20Bring them back for the next episode.
33:23The thing I thought about Rosie was she's just a pretty good presenter.
33:27Wasn't she?
33:27That was a task.
33:28Yeah?
33:30OK.
33:30Let's stop for the last time and take a break.
33:33Come back when someone will win and then have to give back some borrowed prizes.
33:37And there was me thinking this show couldn't get any more low rent.
33:41We'll see you in a minute.
33:42APPLAUSE
33:53Welcome back.
33:55Here's the last part of the show and the cast are auditioning to be children's TV science presenters.
34:00Yes, they are.
34:02Because that's what the task told them to do and no-one seems to question the premise.
34:05Now for our final two.
34:07It is Stevie and it is Fatia.
34:10Oh, hello, folks.
34:12My name's Dr. Darth Lightfinger.
34:15My name is F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fur.
34:20And I'd like to welcome you all to Science Today Today.
34:26Which two experiments shall we do today on Science Today?
34:33I'm gonna pick one and four.
34:36Number one.
34:37The bounce experiment.
34:39Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing.
34:41A boingy boing.
34:42This ball is so bouncy.
34:44Watch this.
34:46Good Lord!
34:48This fantastical orb has a tiny tracker inside.
34:52This is what...
34:53Wooo!
34:54I'm getting it.
34:55And I'll also do number two.
34:58The toothpaste experiment.
35:00The balloon popping experiment.
35:03Nobody likes the sounds of balloons popping, do they?
35:06Especially not me.
35:08As everyone knows, elephants have teeth that can grow to this big.
35:13Well, you can easily stop a balloon from popping by filling it with liquid.
35:18The best way to get toothpaste for your elephant is to manufacture it in your home.
35:24Here we go, bruv.
35:28This is not gonna work.
35:30Stop!
35:34First, I just need to add this yeast to my warm water.
35:39I'm stirring vigorously.
35:42See?
35:43I told you I could do it.
35:46Now!
35:47This is crazy.
35:48And I'll put all the glitter into the Special Elephants toothpaste mixture bottle.
35:52I'm also going to blow a balloon up now.
35:55With the gas inside my body, I'm not farting into a balloon.
35:58Are you mad?
35:59I always make a horrible retching sound.
36:03Sorry about that.
36:12Watch the chemicals react!
36:15When I put a sharp pin on the first balloon, it won't make a noise at all.
36:21It'll be absolutely silent.
36:25Oh, my God.
36:26Is it gonna blow?
36:27Oh, my God.
36:28I can't do it.
36:29Ah!
36:31Oh!
36:32Ah!
36:33Bruv.
36:34Look at that.
36:35David Attenborough.
36:36You can suck it.
36:37Look at that, bruv.
36:38Now, now, let's give him a little clean.
36:42Whoa!
36:43Whoa!
36:44Whoa!
36:44Whoa!
36:45Cover your ears.
36:45It's bang time!
36:47OK, here we go.
36:48Oh, my God.
36:49Ah!
36:51There we go.
36:52That was science today.
36:54Today.
36:55Whoo!
36:56Goodbye, everyone.
36:58Science!
36:58Science!
36:59Science!
36:59State of life!
37:00Science is a shit.
37:02Science!
37:02My hands are really sticky.
37:04Science!
37:12Science!
37:13Yes!
37:13Yes!
37:14Yes!
37:14I just thought she was quite a good presenter.
37:16OK.
37:17Until...
37:18I just...
37:19The noise you made when you were cleaning the elephant's tusks.
37:22I didn't hear it.
37:23Well, let's have a listen.
37:24Here we go.
37:25Whoa!
37:26Whoa!
37:28Whoa!
37:28Whoa!
37:30OK.
37:31I get that, yeah.
37:32Not yet.
37:32Yeah?
37:33OK.
37:34The scientist was called her.
37:38I couldn't...
37:39Do you know what?
37:40As soon as I walked in, I saw the balloons on the side, I was like,
37:42oh, shit.
37:43So, I couldn't really think of anything.
37:45I just wonder...
37:46Yeah?
37:47If you were a children's science presenter, OK, when you put the pin
37:51into the balloon that has a bit of water in it, you, Fatia,
37:54were genuinely amazed it had worked.
37:56It's a fair character.
37:59LAUGHTER
38:00And I just wonder if...
38:03Should she say, David Attenborough, you can suck it?
38:07LAUGHTER
38:08In this country, say, David Attenborough, you should suck it.
38:12Look at that bruv.
38:15Well, it's...
38:16It's most authoritative delivery.
38:18She was authoritative, I think.
38:19Thank you.
38:20She was authoritative.
38:21But also with fewest mistakes, and arguably...
38:23Oh, really?
38:24..you ignored quite a bit of the mistakes.
38:26I feel that Rosie was the most accurate and authoritative,
38:31followed by Stevie, and then Matthew and Fatia and Jason,
38:36to me...
38:37Yeah?
38:37..were all very engaging and very interesting,
38:40but had moments of such madness...
38:43LAUGHTER
38:43..that it didn't sit within the word authoritative.
38:47LAUGHTER
38:48So, you won't like it, but I'm going to give them all three points.
38:50So, it's three to Fatia, three to Jason, three to Matthew,
38:53four to Stevie, it's five to Rosie Ramsay.
38:55There we go!
38:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:58Can we see the scores, please?
38:59Yes, well, it is still hers to lose.
39:01Stevie's in the lead with 18 points now.
39:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:08OK, everybody, please.
39:09Uh-uh.
39:10Stay where you are for the final task of the show!
39:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:21Who's going to read the task?
39:23I think Fatia's going to read the task.
39:25Say whether the next person will have a higher or lower
39:28number of things than the previous person.
39:32The category of things will change each time.
39:35If you make two mistakes, you are eliminated.
39:38Last player standing wins.
39:41So, we start with a picture of me,
39:43so it's whether the next person has more or less things than me.
39:46And Greg will tell you what the category of things is.
39:49Ready?
39:50Does the person next in line
39:52have a higher or lower shoe size than Alex?
39:59Reveal the person.
40:00Higher or lower shoe size than Alex Horne.
40:02Not many people have a higher shoe size than me.
40:05In fact, it's only, Greg.
40:07It is Rosie Ramsay, it is lower.
40:08You are all right.
40:09Yes!
40:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:12Does the person next in line
40:13have a higher or lower Wikipedia entry word count
40:17than Rosie Ramsay?
40:20They've all gone higher.
40:21They've all gone higher.
40:21All gone higher.
40:22Well, I can tell you, it is actually.
40:23It's Matthew Bainton, and it is higher.
40:25It is higher.
40:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:30Sorry, I've broken one of my paddles.
40:32How and why did you do that?
40:34I was using them to clap.
40:36You even destroy stuff when you don't mean to.
40:39You're welcome.
40:40OK.
40:41Does the person next in line
40:43own a higher or lower number of trainers
40:46than Matthew Bainton?
40:47OK, we've got three lowers, we've got two highers.
40:51Matthew, how many pairs of trainers do you own?
40:52Five.
40:54Greg, how many do you own?
40:5616 pairs.
40:57Higher was right.
40:58We have lost a life here, here, and at the end.
41:01All the females lose a life.
41:03Has the person next in line owned a higher or lower number of dogs?
41:08Life total, please.
41:10We've gone higher, higher, lower, lower.
41:12Matt goes higher.
41:13How many dogs have you owned, Greg?
41:15Two dogs!
41:16Oh, fuck.
41:18How many dogs have you owned, Fatia?
41:20Fatia.
41:21Zero, cos they stink!
41:23That's right.
41:24Laura is correct.
41:25If you've gone higher, we have lost Fatia Al-Ghori.
41:27She gets one point.
41:30Does the person next in line have a higher or lower number of nieces
41:35than Fatia Al-Ghori?
41:38She's got family.
41:40Well, I have six nieces.
41:44Fatia?
41:4516.
41:45They're all correct.
41:46They all stay in.
41:47All good.
41:47It's going to be a big wedding, Greg.
41:49Have you got the dollars?
41:51I have.
41:53Does the next person in line have a lucky number that is higher or lower
41:59than Alex Horne?
42:01Yeah.
42:02Can I ask what the logic is?
42:03I just think he's got a very obtuse, annoying...
42:06Like, 103 or something.
42:08Exactly.
42:08He's not going to just choose six like a normal person.
42:13Well, let's find out.
42:14Jason, you've gone higher and you are the next person.
42:17What is your lucky number, Jason?
42:1811.
42:19Perfectly normal.
42:20My lucky number is...
42:23One.
42:24Whoa!
42:25No.
42:25100.
42:26No, it's a trillion!
42:28It's a trillion!
42:30Hold it.
42:31We've lost Jason Manzoukas.
42:32He comes fourth.
42:33I knew it.
42:34Has the person next in line visited a higher or lower number
42:37of countries this year than Jason Manzoukas?
42:40Americans don't usually leave America.
42:42Yeah, but he's a famous man.
42:43Yeah, he is.
42:44And here he is in Britain.
42:47LAUGHTER
42:48Well, the next person, it's interesting.
42:50A DJ?
42:51It's only Greg Davis.
42:52Jason, how many countries have you visited this year?
42:54I believe it's five.
42:56Is it higher or lower?
42:57It's two, Ashley.
42:58It's lower.
42:59We've lost Rosie Ramsey.
43:01Oh!
43:03It's Matthew versus Stevie.
43:05Has the person next in line run a higher or lower distance
43:09ever in their life than Greg Davis?
43:12It's the...
43:12Have you ever run in one go?
43:1310k.
43:15I'm talking.
43:16We don't think you should run any more.
43:18LAUGHTER
43:20Well, this is the final one.
43:21It could have the person next in line failed a higher or lower
43:24button.
43:25Lower, higher.
43:27It's you, Matthew.
43:27How many of you failed?
43:28One.
43:29How many of you failed?
43:30None.
43:30Come on.
43:30She's never taken a test.
43:31We have a winner.
43:32It's Stevie Martin.
43:37Stevie Martin wins.
43:39We'll add that to the final scores.
43:40We'll see you back down there.
43:47She's done very badly in almost every episode.
43:49Oh, my gosh.
43:50She's been rubbish.
43:52But in this particular episode, she has got a grand total of 23 points.
43:58She's won the episode.
43:59It's Stevie Martin!
44:00CHEERING
44:03Stevie is today's winner.
44:06Please bowl up to the stage to behold your boy Milano!
44:11CHEERING
44:11Well, it's just two episodes to go, but for now, it's tonight's winner.
44:15She's done it!
44:17Stevie Martin!
44:18CHEERING
44:19CHEERING
44:24CHEERING
44:32I'm so happy!
44:35I'm so happy!
44:37I'm so happy!
44:39I'm so happy!
44:40कर दो कर दो कर दो
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