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00:00:00Caleb isn't answering his phone. Lacrosse practice ended an hour ago. Could you just find him?
00:00:05We're waiting for you for dinner. Yeah. Fine. I'll look for him. Catherine can't reach her
00:00:11precious son, and somehow that's my problem. Our parents have been inseparable since childhood.
00:00:17Catherine is my godmother. They raised us side by side, convinced we'd grow up as close as they were.
00:00:23They never noticed when it all went wrong. Jade Richards perches on the edge of the sink,
00:00:27and Caleb, right there, stands between her thighs in nothing but a towel that hangs dangerously low
00:00:33on his hips. Caleb, someone could walk in. I don't give a fuck. I should leave. I should
00:00:40definitely, absolutely leave. Instead, I stand there like an idiot, heat flooding through my body
00:00:45in waves. This is disgusting. He is disgusting. You hate him. I slam the door, forcing my expression
00:00:53into irritation rather than the hot shame crawling up my throat. Your mother's been calling you for
00:00:58an hour, asshole! Our parents need us both at my house for dinner tonight. Apparently, it's something
00:01:04important. I should go. Coach will kill me if I'm late. You could have texted. Catherine asked me to
00:01:12find you. I found you. Message delivered. Is that what we're calling it? Because it looked a lot like
00:01:20you were watching. Long enough to be disgusted. Disgusted, right? I'm leaving. Don't be late
00:01:27for dinner. I'll drive you home. I have my bike. Still not in the mood to sit on some used
00:01:32condoms
00:01:33in your car. Suit yourself, princess. Dinner passes in a blur of small talk and forced smiles,
00:01:42but something feels different tonight. Catherine keeps touching my father's arm,
00:01:47not the comforting pats of a grieving friend. They've been spending so much time together since
00:01:52mom died. Since Caleb's father vanished with every dollar the Thorntons had. Kids, Catherine and I
00:01:59actually have something to tell you. So we've decided to get married. No, no way. He deserves happiness,
00:02:06and Catherine is wonderful, but it's only been six months since my mother died. We found a new house,
00:02:12neutral territory for everyone. The kids' rooms are on the same floor. And Serena,
00:02:20your room connects to Caleb's through a Jack and Jill bathroom. Isn't it cool?
00:02:26Come on, you guys. It will be nice.
00:02:30My lifelong secret crush soon to become my stepbrother. Yeah, dad, really fucking nice.
00:02:36I set the boxes down on the unfamiliar floor, surveying this room that was supposed to be mine.
00:02:43Neutral territory, my father called it. A fresh start. The walls are painted a careful beige that
00:02:49commits to nothing. Now I'm here, in this house that holds no memories of my mother.
00:02:57Careful! It's just your crap. I'm taking a shower. Try not to miss me too much.
00:03:05This is what I am now. Sharing walls with my worst school enemy. But there was a time before all
00:03:11that.
00:03:12You're doing it wrong. Here. Like this.
00:03:17Stop. Stop romanticizing.
00:03:23Shit. My tampons.
00:03:25I left them on the bathroom counter this morning. If I'm fast enough?
00:03:35Wanted a preview of your new stepbrother, pervert? That's fucked up, even for you.
00:03:40I just left something on the counter. Not everything is about you and your abs, asshole.
00:03:46Keep telling yourself that.
00:03:50I'm not done talking.
00:03:52Well, I'm done listening.
00:03:54Let go of me, Caleb!
00:03:56Or what? Gonna scream? Run to daddy?
00:04:01God, you're pathetic!
00:04:03Still crying over mommy?
00:04:06It's been six months, Serena.
00:04:08The rest of us have moved on.
00:04:10You are exactly like your shitty father!
00:04:13Say that again. I dare you.
00:04:15You heard me. You're just like him.
00:04:17Like Simon. A bully who only feels big when he's making someone else feel small.
00:04:23Keep his fucking name out of your mouth before I...
00:04:26Before you what? Hit me! Prove my point!
00:04:30Such a shame your mother won't see you graduate.
00:04:32But hey, your dad moved on quickly.
00:04:35Guess she wasn't that hard to forget.
00:04:37Don't talk about my mother!
00:04:39Why not?
00:04:41Scared you're just as forgettable as she is?
00:04:44Careful, princess.
00:04:46Do you really want to start something you can't finish?
00:04:48You know what I think?
00:04:49I think you're terrified that one day you'll be gone and no one will even notice.
00:04:53That you'll just be another ghost no one bothers to remember.
00:04:57No one will ever truly love someone as pathetic as you.
00:05:00And deep down you know it's true.
00:05:09Serena, open the fucking door!
00:05:13You just signed your death sentence, princess.
00:05:16You hear me?
00:05:17From this moment on, your life is going to be a living hell.
00:05:21There's a long silence before his footsteps retreat and I hear his bedroom door slams.
00:05:26Minutes pass. Maybe five. Maybe ten.
00:05:30Then I sink to the floor, back against my bed, and wrap my arms around my knees.
00:05:35I hate him. I hate that I wounded him. I hate that I noticed.
00:05:41I know him better now than I ever wanted to.
00:05:44He runs at six.
00:05:45I've memorized the particular weight of his footsteps on the stairs.
00:05:49Showers at 6.40.
00:05:51And the pipes in my bathroom sing a specific note when the water pressure changes.
00:05:56Tuesday, my shampoo mysteriously turned my hair traffic cone orange.
00:06:01Wednesday, every single bra I own disappeared, reappearing frozen in blocks of ice in the freezer.
00:06:08Thursday, my laptop password changed itself to Daddy Issues 123.
00:06:13At 3.14 in the afternoon, I'm in the kitchen.
00:06:16He doesn't get home until 4.30 on Thursdays.
00:06:19I'm halfway through making the world's saddest sandwich when the front door opens an hour earlier than his schedule allows.
00:06:26My entire body goes on high alert.
00:06:28Skin prickling.
00:06:30Pulse jackknifing.
00:06:31Don't turn around.
00:06:32Don't give him the satisfaction.
00:06:35Careful.
00:06:36Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
00:06:38His chest presses more firmly against my back as he reaches higher,
00:06:42and the contact sends electricity shooting down my spine, pooling low and hot in my belly.
00:06:47Something wrong, princess?
00:06:48I just wanted to grab my protein bar.
00:06:53That'll be Jade.
00:06:57Try not to listen too hard, sis.
00:07:00Sis, the word is a weapon, a reminder, a fucking power play that makes me want to throw the knife
00:07:05at his head.
00:07:06They'll have a drink, and then she'll leave.
00:07:09That's how these things work.
00:07:11Hot water, locked door, the white noise of falling water drowning out everything else, except...
00:07:17Oh, God, Caleb!
00:07:20Jade's voice cuts through the wall like it's made of tissue paper, high and desperate and absolutely not faking it.
00:07:26Her moans build in pitch and urgency, and I hear the creak of bed springs, the thump of a headboard
00:07:32against a wall, heat coils between my thighs, insistent and demanding.
00:07:36My body betrays me completely, nipples tightening, breath coming shorter, and I hate myself for the way my hand drifts
00:07:43down my stomach.
00:07:44I've never touched myself like this before.
00:07:46What would it feel like?
00:07:48His hands instead of water, his weight pressing me against the tile, his voice in my ear, low and commanding.
00:07:55Take it.
00:07:57Take everything I give you.
00:07:59The pressure builds impossibly fast, my free hand bracing against the tile as my legs shake.
00:08:04When I come, it's violent, earth-shattering.
00:08:07The silence hits me first.
00:08:09No more sounds from his room.
00:08:11Nothing.
00:08:11Oh, God.
00:08:12Oh, fuck.
00:08:13Could they hear?
00:08:14I stumble toward the door, needing to confirm that barrier between my humiliation and reality.
00:08:19The door to his room is cracked open, but I checked it before I got in the shower.
00:08:24I'm certain I did.
00:08:25It was closed.
00:08:26Firmly.
00:08:27Completely closed.
00:08:28My heart stops.
00:08:29Did he open it?
00:08:31Control is an illusion I've been selling myself for 18 years.
00:08:35This is who I am.
00:08:36The girl who prepares.
00:08:38The girl who controls what she can.
00:08:40The girl with the five-year plan.
00:08:42And the girl who definitely doesn't spend every waking moment thinking about her stepbrother's hands.
00:08:48Lies.
00:08:48All lies.
00:08:49Just once more.
00:08:50Then you'll study.
00:08:52Then you'll be normal.
00:08:53Having fun?
00:08:58Going somewhere?
00:09:01Let go of me!
00:09:03Sit the fuck down, Serena.
00:09:05Fuck you!
00:09:05You done?
00:09:09So, who's the lucky bastard?
00:09:11What?
00:09:12What are you talking about?
00:09:14Don't play dumb.
00:09:15It's not cute.
00:09:16You were clearly getting yourself off to someone.
00:09:19So, who is it?
00:09:20Some SAT tutor with a hard-on for the teacher's pets?
00:09:24One of those debate nerds who follows you around like you're made of cocaine?
00:09:28I wasn't.
00:09:29Your face is the color of a fucking tomato and your breathing's all fucked up.
00:09:34So, who's got perfect little Serena all worked up?
00:09:37Must be someone truly pathetic.
00:09:39Get out of my room!
00:09:41Is it that guy from Calc?
00:09:43The one with the glasses who stares at you when you're doing board work?
00:09:47No, wait.
00:09:48You'd never go for someone that obvious.
00:09:50Too desperate.
00:09:51I said, get out!
00:09:52Or maybe someone inappropriate.
00:09:55Someone you know you shouldn't want.
00:09:58Serena, who were you thinking about?
00:10:01No one!
00:10:01I wasn't!
00:10:02I was just...
00:10:03It's none of your fucking business!
00:10:06You're lying.
00:10:07I can always tell when you're lying.
00:10:08Your voice goes up at the end.
00:10:09Your eyes dart to the left.
00:10:11And right now, you look fucking terrified.
00:10:13Which means whoever you were thinking about is someone you really don't want me to know about.
00:10:19You were thinking about me, weren't you?
00:10:21That's disgusting!
00:10:24Yeah?
00:10:25Then why is your pulse going crazy right here?
00:10:28Your body's a fucking traitor.
00:10:30You're insane!
00:10:31Then why can't you look at me?
00:10:34Why do you look like you're about to either cry or cum?
00:10:37Because you're in my face!
00:10:39What were you imagining?
00:10:40My hands on you?
00:10:42Inside you?
00:10:43My mouth on your neck?
00:10:45Or your legs?
00:10:49Are you imagining how I'd touch you?
00:10:52Hard and rough until you forget your own name.
00:10:54Or maybe slow and deep.
00:10:56Until you're begging me to let you cum.
00:10:58But here's the thing, princess.
00:11:00You're not even worth the effort it would take to undress you.
00:11:06You're fucking disgusting!
00:11:09You think I want any part of that?
00:11:12Fix yourself!
00:11:13You look like a cheap whore.
00:11:15Dinner's in ten.
00:11:17And try to act like a normal fucking person.
00:11:20I don't move for a long time.
00:11:22Can't move.
00:11:23My thigh still burns where he touched it.
00:11:25I stand there trying to breathe around the tightness in my chest.
00:11:29Six weeks of college.
00:11:31And I've learned that hope is just disappointment wearing a pretty dress.
00:11:34I had acceptances from everywhere, places with actual seasons and zero Caleb Thorntons per square mile.
00:11:41But no, dad pulled the family needs to stick together card.
00:11:45I think it's actually really nice that you and Caleb ended up here together.
00:11:49After everything, it just feels right.
00:11:51Yeah, um, totally.
00:11:54Everyone's coming over soon.
00:11:56The picnic's about to start.
00:11:58The bastard had applied after me.
00:12:01After.
00:12:02Found out where I was going and followed like some kind of stalker.
00:12:05Even won grants and scholarships, including the one from his high school presidency.
00:12:10My fresh start rotted before it even began.
00:12:12The picnic is about to start.
00:12:14I'm about to prepare a fruit plate when I hear this voice.
00:12:16That specific frequency of a woman's giggle that makes my eye twitch.
00:12:21Jade stands at the garden gate.
00:12:23Her hand threaded through Caleb's arm.
00:12:25Her sundress clings to curves I remember from the locker room.
00:12:28Curves I heard him worship in his bedroom.
00:12:30While my body betrayed every principle I claimed to hold.
00:12:34Oh, Caleb.
00:12:36You didn't mention you were bringing someone.
00:12:38Jade, sweetheart.
00:12:40Welcome.
00:12:41Thanks, Mrs. Lacken.
00:12:43Everything looks amazing.
00:12:45Did you make all this yourself?
00:12:47Most of it.
00:12:49Serena helped with the fruit platters.
00:12:51How domestic.
00:12:53Serena, so good at this stuff.
00:12:55The compliment lands like a slap wrapped in ribbons.
00:12:58This stuff.
00:12:59Like I'm some 1950s housewife in training while she's out here being decorative and touchable
00:13:03and everything I'm not.
00:13:05We're so proud of both of them.
00:13:07Adjusting to college life so beautifully.
00:13:12Serena's doing wonderfully.
00:13:14Dean's list material, her advisor says.
00:13:16Well, she has to excel at something.
00:13:19Competition's tough when you can't coast on personality.
00:13:22Some of us prefer substance over charm.
00:13:25Kids.
00:13:26Babe, you two are hilarious.
00:13:29It's like watching real siblings bicker.
00:13:32Real siblings.
00:13:33The words land like ice water down my spine.
00:13:36We end up on the same picnic blanket because the universe has a sick sense of humor.
00:13:40Jade chatters about rush week and themed parties and other things that would require me to have a soul.
00:13:46She doesn't know him.
00:13:47Doesn't know he checks the locks three times before bed.
00:13:50Doesn't know he still has nightmares about his father.
00:13:52Doesn't know he reads Bukowski when he thinks no one's watching.
00:13:56After the neighbors evacuate and our parents disappear inside with wine that'll make them nostalgic and weepy,
00:14:02I escape to the kitchen.
00:14:03Jade left an hour ago.
00:14:05Something about a sorority emergency that sounded suspiciously like,
00:14:08I'm bored and these people are old.
00:14:11Thought you'd hide in here all night.
00:14:14I'm cleaning up.
00:14:16Some of us contribute.
00:14:18Is that what you call sulking in corners and shooting death glares at my girlfriend?
00:14:22She's not your girlfriend.
00:14:23She's a prop.
00:14:25An accessory.
00:14:27This week's validation fix.
00:14:30Jealous much?
00:14:31I'd rather be jealous of a yeast infection.
00:14:34Strong words.
00:14:36You know what I think?
00:14:38I think you can't stand watching me with her.
00:14:40I think it eats you alive.
00:14:42You followed me here.
00:14:44You could have gone anywhere.
00:14:47But you chose here.
00:14:49Maybe I just like the school.
00:14:51Maybe you're so terrified of being alone with yourself that you need me around to torture.
00:14:56Watch your fucking mouth, princess.
00:14:59You know what?
00:14:59I feel sorry for you.
00:15:01I'm serious.
00:15:02I feel sorry for the boy whose father beat him and then abandoned him.
00:15:05The boy's so desperate for approval, he'll fuck girls who don't even know his middle name.
00:15:09Because it's easier than admitting no one's ever actually loved him for who he is.
00:15:16Jade doesn't see you, Caleb.
00:15:19None of them do.
00:15:20They see the smile and the body and the charm.
00:15:23Shut the fuck up!
00:15:24And that works for you because if they saw the real you,
00:15:28the broken, desperate, terrified little boy under all that armor, they'd run.
00:15:34I'm not jealous of Jade.
00:15:35I pity her.
00:15:37And I pity you.
00:15:39The rest of the dishes are all yours.
00:15:50The library smells like anxiety and desperation with hints of stale Red Bull.
00:15:54Basically the official cologne of higher education.
00:15:57Mia sits next to me, allegedly writing her sociology paper,
00:16:01but actually deep-stalking her TA's Instagram.
00:16:04I know because she keeps making these tiny gasping sounds
00:16:07every time she scrolls past a shirtless beach photo.
00:16:10Six weeks into freshman year,
00:16:11and Mia is the closest thing I've ever had to a real friend.
00:16:15In high school, I couldn't afford friends.
00:16:17He has a dog.
00:16:19A golden retriever named Pancake.
00:16:21Mia, focus.
00:16:23I am focused.
00:16:25Focused on how that man fills out a wetsuit.
00:16:30Ow, what?
00:16:32Look over there.
00:16:33Look, but don't make it obvious.
00:16:34Mia, if this is another guy you think has protagonist energy,
00:16:38Serena, shut up and look.
00:16:40Lucas Bennett is walking toward us,
00:16:42and apparently puberty decided to work overtime on him.
00:16:46The last time I saw Lucas, he was Caleb's perpetual shadow.
00:16:49Always there, but never quite there.
00:16:51Is this seat taken?
00:16:56Serena Lacken.
00:16:57I thought that was you.
00:16:59How long has it been?
00:17:01A while.
00:17:02Since high school, at least.
00:17:05Too long?
00:17:05I heard you were here pre-law, right?
00:17:08Of course you are.
00:17:10You were always terrifyingly smart.
00:17:15Pre-med for me.
00:17:17Turns out all those years of patching up lacrosse injuries
00:17:20gave me a taste for it.
00:17:22You patched up lacrosse injuries?
00:17:24I thought you were one of the ones causing them.
00:17:27Fair point.
00:17:28Maybe I was just atoning for my sins.
00:17:30We all have things we wish we'd done differently back then.
00:17:33I remember you from Honours English.
00:17:35You demolished everyone in that Fitzgerald debate.
00:17:38I was genuinely scared of you.
00:17:41Fear is an appropriate response to literary analysis.
00:17:45The cafe by the Humanities Building is acceptable.
00:17:49Everything else tastes like it was brewed
00:17:50during the Reagan administration.
00:17:52A coffee snob.
00:17:54I respect that.
00:17:56Strong opinions about beverages are a green flag.
00:17:59Would you look at the time I have that thing?
00:18:02The urgent thing with the people at the place?
00:18:08Serena, text me everything.
00:18:12So, are you going to the Halloween party next Friday?
00:18:16It's a big one at Sigma Chi.
00:18:18Everyone goes.
00:18:19Parties aren't really my thing.
00:18:21That's exactly why you should come.
00:18:23College is about new experiences, right?
00:18:25Breaking out of old patterns?
00:18:29Three tables away,
00:18:30I feel the weight of Caleb's gaze
00:18:32like fingertips trailing down my spine.
00:18:34His eyes are locked on me
00:18:36with an intensity that makes my stomach flip.
00:18:38Tell me more about this party.
00:18:40What exactly makes it so unmissable?
00:18:42It's legendary, honestly.
00:18:44The costumes get competitive.
00:18:45The music is actually decent.
00:18:47Plus, I hear the punch is strong enough
00:18:49to make even pre-law students have fun.
00:18:52Bold assumption that I don't already know
00:18:55how to have fun.
00:18:56Prove me wrong, then.
00:18:57Come to the party.
00:18:59Let me buy you a drink.
00:19:01You're very confident for someone
00:19:03who hasn't seen me in years.
00:19:05Some things are worth being confident about.
00:19:07I'll think about it.
00:19:08I'm looking at Caleb as he stands abruptly.
00:19:10He doesn't pack up his things,
00:19:12doesn't grab the broken pen,
00:19:14just turns and walks out,
00:19:15movement sharp with barely controlled violence,
00:19:17and my pulse is racing for entirely the wrong reason.
00:19:22The cruelest lies are the ones we tell ourselves
00:19:25about what we want.
00:19:26He texted again while I was in the shower.
00:19:28Three messages in 20 minutes.
00:19:30He's sweet.
00:19:31Persistent in a way that feels like warmth
00:19:33instead of pressure.
00:19:34Normal in a way I've forgotten people can be.
00:19:37This is good.
00:19:38Lucas is good.
00:19:39Lucas is exactly what you need.
00:19:41Caleb without the emotional terrorism.
00:19:43This is what normal feels like.
00:19:45This is what I deserve.
00:19:46My eyes still on my phone,
00:19:48still composing a reply that sounds flirty
00:19:50without trying too hard.
00:19:52Well, fuck me sideways.
00:19:54That's a face I've never seen before.
00:19:57Texting lover boy with that dopey-ass smile?
00:20:01Pathetic doesn't even begin to cover it, princess.
00:20:05What the fuck are you doing in my room?
00:20:06Get out!
00:20:08These are tragic.
00:20:10Serena truly, like, seek help levels of unsexy.
00:20:14I said get out!
00:20:16Are you wearing these to the party?
00:20:19Please say yes.
00:20:21I need to see Lucas' face
00:20:22when he discovers what's underneath.
00:20:26Give those back!
00:20:27Granny panties with fruit on them.
00:20:29Bold strategy for a girl trying to lose her B-card.
00:20:32I'm not trying to.
00:20:34Oh, you're definitely trying.
00:20:36That dumb smile you just walked in with?
00:20:39The sad little hair flip in the library?
00:20:42Touching his arm like you learned flirting
00:20:44from a WikiHow article?
00:20:45Get off my bed!
00:20:47Lucas Bennett.
00:20:48That's your big play?
00:20:50You really think that golden retroboi
00:20:52is interested in you?
00:20:53Unlike some people,
00:20:55Lucas is actually capable of basic human decency.
00:20:58Lucas is capable of fucking anything with a pulse, sure.
00:21:02But interested?
00:21:04Serena.
00:21:05Sweetheart.
00:21:06Look at yourself.
00:21:07You used to be friends with him.
00:21:09What happened?
00:21:10People grow apart.
00:21:12It happens.
00:21:13That's not an answer.
00:21:15It's the only one you're getting.
00:21:18Ancient history isn't really my thing.
00:21:20But we're not talking about me.
00:21:22We're talking about you,
00:21:24and you're gonna show up in some tragic little costume
00:21:26and follow him around all night like a stray dog.
00:21:30and he's gonna ditch you
00:21:31the second someone hotter walks by.
00:21:33You don't know anything about...
00:21:35I know you.
00:21:3619 years old and never been fucked.
00:21:38You think that's an accident?
00:21:40You think guys just haven't noticed you?
00:21:42They've noticed.
00:21:44They're just not interested.
00:21:46There's nothing there to want.
00:21:48Lucas asked me.
00:21:50Not the other way around.
00:21:52Lucas is working an angle.
00:21:54Probably a bet with his frat brothers.
00:21:56Go ahead.
00:21:57Prove them right.
00:21:59Make a fool of yourself in front of the whole school.
00:22:01I'd rather humiliate myself in front of everyone
00:22:04than spend another second with you.
00:22:06Then we're both getting what we want.
00:22:07Wear the ugly underwear.
00:22:09It'll match the rest of you.
00:22:13The door clicks shut behind him,
00:22:15and I don't move for a long time.
00:22:16My fingers find the strawberry underwear
00:22:18crumpled on the carpet,
00:22:19and I clutch them against my chest like armor.
00:22:22The cotton is warm from his hands,
00:22:24and I despise that I notice.
00:22:26What was that look?
00:22:28Right before he left,
00:22:29his expression shifted into territory
00:22:31I didn't recognize.
00:22:32Not cruel.
00:22:33Not mocking.
00:22:34Almost desperate.
00:22:36Get out of my head, Thornton.
00:22:37Get out.
00:22:38I look at myself in the mirror.
00:22:40The black bodysuit clings to curves
00:22:42I usually hide beneath hoodies
00:22:43and oversized sweaters.
00:22:45Holy fuck, Serena Lackham!
00:22:48Where have you been hiding that body?
00:22:50Lucas is going to swallow his own tongue
00:22:52when he sees you.
00:22:53Hell, I might switch teams.
00:22:56What if he doesn't like me?
00:22:57Oh, he'll like you.
00:22:59That boy has been eye-fucking you
00:23:01through every study session.
00:23:03And maybe tonight,
00:23:05he finally gets to do it for real.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:10Let's go before I change my mind.
00:23:12The party is chaos incarnate.
00:23:14Music pounds through the walls,
00:23:16bass so heavy,
00:23:17the floor vibrates beneath my heels.
00:23:19Stay close!
00:23:20Lucas said he'd be wearing
00:23:21a skeleton mask.
00:23:23Great.
00:23:24Super helpful.
00:23:25I've already counted
00:23:26four skeleton masks
00:23:27in my immediate vicinity.
00:23:29Mia's sorority sisters
00:23:30descend like perfectly
00:23:31coordinated vultures,
00:23:33dragging her towards something called
00:23:34the situation on the dance floor.
00:23:37I park myself near the makeshift bar,
00:23:39draining my cup.
00:23:40The alcohol burns away
00:23:41the edges of my anxiety,
00:23:43making everything softer,
00:23:45warmer,
00:23:45more possible.
00:23:47That's when I see him.
00:23:49Lucas.
00:23:49Tall frame and broad shoulders
00:23:51I recognize.
00:23:52White mask tilted toward me
00:23:54from across the room.
00:23:55My pulse quickens
00:23:56and I tell myself
00:23:57it's the alcohol.
00:23:58He doesn't wave or call out.
00:24:00He simply extends
00:24:01one hand in my direction,
00:24:03palm up,
00:24:03waiting.
00:24:04Probably wants to see
00:24:05if the pre-law princess
00:24:06is as frigid
00:24:07as everyone says.
00:24:08Fine.
00:24:09Let him see.
00:24:10Let him tell everyone afterward.
00:24:12At least I won't be
00:24:13untouched anymore.
00:24:14Won't be the pathetic virgin
00:24:15Caleb mocks at every opportunity.
00:24:17The silence feels intentional.
00:24:19Part of the costume,
00:24:20part of the game.
00:24:22Lucas?
00:24:23He doesn't answer.
00:24:24His hands find my waist instead.
00:24:27Thumbs tracing slow circles
00:24:28against my hip bones.
00:24:29And I decide that silence
00:24:31is answer enough.
00:24:32Oh, we're really committing
00:24:34to the role.
00:24:34I don't want this to be special.
00:24:36I don't want tender words
00:24:38or meaningful glances.
00:24:39I just want it done.
00:24:41Lucas's hands are rougher
00:24:42than I expected,
00:24:43gripping my waist
00:24:44like he's afraid
00:24:45I'll disappear.
00:24:46Fuck, okay.
00:24:47I kinda like
00:24:48aggressive Lucas.
00:24:50Can you at least
00:24:51lift the mask?
00:24:53I wanna kiss you.
00:24:55He pauses.
00:24:56Then slowly,
00:24:57he pushes the mask up
00:24:59just enough
00:24:59to expose his mouth.
00:25:01In the darkness,
00:25:01I can't make out features.
00:25:03Just the outline of lips
00:25:05that crash into mine
00:25:06with bruising force.
00:25:08God, who knew
00:25:09Lucas had this in him?
00:25:14His fingers finally
00:25:16slide between my thighs.
00:25:17When he pushes
00:25:18his finger inside me
00:25:19without warning,
00:25:20I nearly come off the bed.
00:25:21The stretch burns,
00:25:23but the pleasure
00:25:23overwhelms it,
00:25:24especially when his thumb
00:25:25finds my clit
00:25:26and circles
00:25:27with practiced precision.
00:25:28My mind drifts
00:25:30as sensation builds.
00:25:31What if it was him?
00:25:32I imagine Caleb's hands
00:25:34instead of Lucas's.
00:25:35Caleb's body
00:25:36pressing me
00:25:36into the mattress,
00:25:38Caleb's breath
00:25:38hot against my throat.
00:25:40The fantasy
00:25:41builds pressure
00:25:41low in my belly,
00:25:43spiraling toward
00:25:44a release
00:25:44that hovers
00:25:45just out of reach.
00:25:46My fingers
00:25:47dig into shoulders
00:25:47that belong
00:25:48to one man
00:25:49while my mind
00:25:50belongs entirely
00:25:50to another.
00:25:51My orgasm
00:25:52hits like a freight train,
00:25:54completely unexpected.
00:25:56It's over.
00:25:57It's done.
00:25:57You're not a virgin anymore.
00:26:01The girl in the mirror
00:26:02looks exactly
00:26:03as hollow as I feel.
00:26:04Congratulations, Serena.
00:26:06You're officially
00:26:06as pathetic
00:26:07as Caleb always said.
00:26:08When I finally emerge,
00:26:10I nearly collide
00:26:11with a familiar chest.
00:26:12There you are.
00:26:14I've been looking
00:26:15everywhere for you.
00:26:17Some dickhead
00:26:18in the same mask
00:26:19spilled his entire
00:26:20drink on me.
00:26:21Had to go change.
00:26:22Did you just get here?
00:26:24You look amazing,
00:26:25by the way.
00:26:26The floor tilts
00:26:27beneath me.
00:26:28He's been down here
00:26:29looking for me,
00:26:30which means the man
00:26:31in that bedroom.
00:26:32That wasn't Lucas
00:26:33at all.
00:26:35I call her princess
00:26:36because that's
00:26:37what she is.
00:26:38A girl who's never
00:26:39had to fight for anything.
00:26:40And I've been crawling
00:26:42and fighting
00:26:42my whole fucking life.
00:26:45The ceiling above my bed
00:26:46holds no answers,
00:26:48but I stare at it anyway,
00:26:50counting the minutes
00:26:50by the soft sounds
00:26:52filtering through
00:26:52the bathroom wall.
00:26:54A drawer opening,
00:26:55water running,
00:26:56the whisper of fabric
00:26:57against skin.
00:26:59You're sick,
00:27:00twisted beyond repair.
00:27:01I remember the first time
00:27:02I called her princess.
00:27:04We were 12.
00:27:05She tried to skip a stone,
00:27:07failed spectacularly.
00:27:09Her laugh bounced
00:27:10across the water.
00:27:11This mix of embarrassment
00:27:13and joy
00:27:13that hit me
00:27:14right in the chest.
00:27:16You're doing it wrong.
00:27:17Here.
00:27:18Like this.
00:27:20See?
00:27:21Perfect technique
00:27:22for a perfect princess.
00:27:24Thanks, Caleb.
00:27:25Two words.
00:27:26That's all it took.
00:27:28I was done for.
00:27:29Then I went home.
00:27:31That was the summer
00:27:32my father discovered
00:27:33new hobbies.
00:27:34I learned to sleep
00:27:35with my eyes half open,
00:27:37to flinch at footsteps,
00:27:38to disappear into walls.
00:27:40And suddenly,
00:27:41Serena's perfection
00:27:42stopped being
00:27:43something beautiful.
00:27:44It became a mirror.
00:27:45If her life is so perfect,
00:27:47let me be the one
00:27:49in perfection.
00:27:54I wanted to grab
00:27:55her shoulders
00:27:56and shake her
00:27:57until she broke,
00:27:58until she screamed.
00:28:00And I wanted to hold her
00:28:01until she felt safe enough
00:28:03to fall apart.
00:28:04Pick a lane,
00:28:05asshole.
00:28:06You can't destroy someone
00:28:07and save them
00:28:08at the same time.
00:28:09Because Serena
00:28:10isn't just in my head.
00:28:11She's carved
00:28:12into my bones.
00:28:13My phone buzzes
00:28:15on the nightstand,
00:28:16the racing circuit.
00:28:17The debt follows me
00:28:19like a second shadow,
00:28:20my father's legacy.
00:28:22I wonder how much longer
00:28:23I can keep buried
00:28:24the obsession
00:28:25that drives me
00:28:26to follow her
00:28:26like a satellite
00:28:27caught in her
00:28:28gravitational pull.
00:28:30I've been choking
00:28:31on jealousy
00:28:32for the past 20 minutes.
00:28:33It was just one
00:28:34of those moments,
00:28:35you know?
00:28:39Look at me like that,
00:28:40just once,
00:28:41but she never will.
00:28:44You have the most
00:28:45beautiful smile.
00:28:46Lucas leans in closer,
00:28:48whispering something
00:28:49that makes her cheeks
00:28:50go pink,
00:28:50and I'm gripping my hands
00:28:51so hard
00:28:52my knuckles turn white.
00:28:53She doesn't pull away,
00:28:55doesn't stiffen,
00:28:56just tilts her head
00:28:57and listens like he's
00:28:58reciting fucking Shakespeare.
00:29:00I want to be at his place.
00:29:01I shove back from the table
00:29:03and walk out
00:29:03before I do something
00:29:04I can't take back.
00:29:06I try the gym first.
00:29:0845 minutes of punishing
00:29:10my muscles
00:29:11until they scream,
00:29:11but every time
00:29:12I close my eyes
00:29:13between sets,
00:29:14I see her hand
00:29:15on his arm,
00:29:16her smile,
00:29:17the way she leaned
00:29:18toward him
00:29:18like he was magnetic north.
00:29:20I last three hours,
00:29:22three hours of telling myself
00:29:24I don't care
00:29:24who she talks to,
00:29:25but my feet
00:29:26carry me down the hallway.
00:29:27Her bedroom door
00:29:28is unlocked.
00:29:29The shower runs
00:29:30in the bathroom
00:29:31and I should leave.
00:29:32She left her underwear
00:29:33on the bed,
00:29:34tiny strawberries
00:29:35printed across the fabric
00:29:36like some kind of joke.
00:29:38A laugh builded
00:29:39in my chest,
00:29:39but it dies
00:29:40before it reaches
00:29:41my throat.
00:29:42The water shuts off,
00:29:44the door opens,
00:29:45and Jesus fucking Christ.
00:29:49She was wearing
00:29:49nothing but a towel
00:29:50that's trying its best
00:29:51but failing spectacularly.
00:29:53Water drops
00:29:54race down her collarbone.
00:29:56Her hair is plastered
00:29:57to her shoulders,
00:29:58darker with moisture,
00:29:59and the way that
00:30:00terrycloth clings
00:30:01to every curve
00:30:02she usually hides
00:30:03under hoodies
00:30:04makes my brain
00:30:05short circuit.
00:30:06This is what
00:30:07she's been keeping
00:30:08from me.
00:30:08She doesn't speak.
00:30:10Her body tells me
00:30:11everything.
00:30:11The way she arches
00:30:12into my touch,
00:30:13the way her breath
00:30:14hitches when my thumb
00:30:15brushes her.
00:30:17She moves against me
00:30:18with increasing
00:30:19desperation.
00:30:20Her fingers in my chest
00:30:21and she lowers
00:30:22her mouth to me.
00:30:23Her fingers find
00:30:24my shoulders
00:30:25when she climbs
00:30:26onto my lap,
00:30:27straddling me,
00:30:27and the towel
00:30:28rides up her thighs.
00:30:29Through my jeans,
00:30:30I can feel the heat
00:30:31of her and my hands
00:30:32find her waist
00:30:33like they've been
00:30:33waiting their whole
00:30:34existence for this
00:30:35moment.
00:30:38I wake up so hard
00:30:39it hurts,
00:30:40her phantom warmth
00:30:41still pressed
00:30:41against my skin.
00:30:43Pathetic.
00:30:45You're absolutely
00:30:46pathetic.
00:30:47She moves against me
00:30:48with increasing
00:30:49desperation.
00:30:50Her fingers in my chest
00:30:51and she lowers
00:30:52her mouth to me.
00:30:53Her phone sits
00:30:54on the counter,
00:30:55screen glowing
00:30:55with an unread message.
00:30:57I should walk away,
00:30:58but I've never been
00:30:59decent where Serena
00:31:00is concerned.
00:31:01The screen illuminates
00:31:02at my touch
00:31:02and my ex-best friend's
00:31:04name stares back
00:31:05at me.
00:31:05Lucas.
00:31:06My blood turns
00:31:07to lead in my veins.
00:31:09The racing circuit.
00:31:10Lucas is taking her
00:31:12to the fucking
00:31:12racing circuit
00:31:13where I'll be competing
00:31:14to pay off another
00:31:15installment of my
00:31:16father's debt.
00:31:17Fuck.
00:31:18My two worlds
00:31:18are about to collide
00:31:19and there's not a
00:31:20damn thing I can do
00:31:21to stop it.
00:31:25Three more races
00:31:26after tonight
00:31:27and your clear kid.
00:31:29How does that feel?
00:31:31Like I might actually
00:31:32sleep again.
00:31:33Two years
00:31:34since I stood
00:31:34in our kitchen
00:31:35watching my mother
00:31:36cry over bills
00:31:36my father left behind.
00:31:38When the helmet
00:31:39goes on,
00:31:40I'm supposed to stop
00:31:41being Caleb Thornton.
00:31:42Out here,
00:31:43I'm Shane Lander.
00:31:4423.
00:31:45No family drama.
00:31:47Just a guy
00:31:47who rides fast
00:31:48and pays his debts
00:31:49on time.
00:31:50You've earned it, man.
00:31:54Fastest rider
00:31:54I've ever let
00:31:55borrow my name.
00:31:57The engine beneath
00:31:57me roars to life,
00:31:59vibrating through
00:31:59my thighs,
00:32:00my chest,
00:32:01my teeth.
00:32:02Despite everything,
00:32:03freedom floods
00:32:04through my veins.
00:32:05This is the part
00:32:06I'll miss
00:32:06when the debt clears.
00:32:08Exhaust fumes
00:32:09curl through
00:32:10the night air.
00:32:11That's when I see them.
00:32:12No.
00:32:12Serena and Lucas
00:32:14walking through
00:32:14the crowd
00:32:15like tourists
00:32:16in a war zone.
00:32:17I'll be right there
00:32:18with you.
00:32:18His arm draped
00:32:19over her shoulders
00:32:20with that casual
00:32:21ownership that makes
00:32:22me want to put my fist
00:32:23through his perfect teeth.
00:32:24She really agreed
00:32:25to come here with him.
00:32:26She really came here
00:32:27to this oil-stained
00:32:29hellscape
00:32:29and men with
00:32:30criminal records.
00:32:31Just focused.
00:32:33The starting signal
00:32:35flares red
00:32:35and green.
00:32:36First lap,
00:32:37I'm in the lead,
00:32:38but she doesn't
00:32:39leave my thoughts.
00:32:40What the fuck
00:32:40is Lucas thinking?
00:32:42She looks wrong here.
00:32:43Too clean.
00:32:44Too bright.
00:32:44Like someone photoshopped
00:32:46an angel into a meth lamp.
00:32:47I risk a glance
00:32:48at the crowd.
00:32:49Mistake.
00:32:50Huge fucking mistake.
00:32:52Our eyes meet
00:32:53over Lucas' shoulder
00:32:54for a second.
00:32:55She knows it's me.
00:32:56The curve comes too fast.
00:32:58One second I'm flying.
00:32:59The next,
00:33:00the bike slides out
00:33:01from under me
00:33:02like the ground itself
00:33:03has betrayed me.
00:33:04Gravel bites
00:33:05into my shoulder blade
00:33:06where the jacket rode up.
00:33:07The sky spins above me
00:33:08in lazy circles,
00:33:10stars smearing
00:33:11into floodlights
00:33:11into darkness.
00:33:13You're an absolute idiot!
00:33:15What the hell
00:33:16were you thinking?
00:33:17I try to answer,
00:33:19but my lungs have decided
00:33:20breathing is optional.
00:33:21Each inhale feels
00:33:22like swallowing fiberglass.
00:33:24Someone call 911!
00:33:26Immediately!
00:33:27No ambulances, girl.
00:33:30We can't let the police
00:33:31search here.
00:33:32He could be bleeding
00:33:33internally!
00:33:34Look at him!
00:33:35I can handle this.
00:33:38We have people
00:33:39who can help.
00:33:40I don't give a fuck
00:33:41about your people!
00:33:42Serena,
00:33:43maybe we should...
00:33:45Shut up!
00:33:46Just shut up
00:33:47and let me think!
00:33:48I gasp
00:33:49and pain floods
00:33:50through me,
00:33:51sharp and clarifying,
00:33:52radiating from my ribs
00:33:54to my spine.
00:33:55Caleb,
00:33:56here you go.
00:33:57Stay with me.
00:33:58Just stay with me, okay?
00:34:00Worth it.
00:34:01I think as darkness
00:34:02creeps in at the edges,
00:34:04totally fucking worth it
00:34:05to see her look at me that.
00:34:08Have you ever hated
00:34:09someone so much
00:34:10that watching them bleed
00:34:12feels like bleeding yourself?
00:34:14The fluorescent lights
00:34:15of the emergency room
00:34:16buzz overhead,
00:34:17casting everything
00:34:18in a pallid glow.
00:34:19Nurses move around Caleb,
00:34:21checking vitals,
00:34:22cleaning wounds.
00:34:23I agreed to come tonight
00:34:25because Lucas asked
00:34:26and because some reckless
00:34:27part of me wanted to prove
00:34:29I could be spontaneous.
00:34:30Then the race started
00:34:32and my eyes found
00:34:33one rider
00:34:34without conscious thought.
00:34:36The angle of his shoulders,
00:34:37the aggressive grace
00:34:38of his turns.
00:34:40I knew it was Caleb
00:34:41before I could name why.
00:34:43Come on, Serena.
00:34:44Let's go.
00:34:45We can still salvage the night.
00:34:47No.
00:34:47I'll take him home.
00:34:48You go.
00:34:49I watch him disappear
00:34:51through the automatic doors
00:34:52and feel nothing.
00:34:53The only thing occupying my mind
00:34:55is the boy bleeding
00:34:56in the room behind me.
00:34:58Six years of cruelty,
00:35:01being called princess
00:35:01like a slur
00:35:02and yet here
00:35:03I sit in this taxi,
00:35:05watching streetlights
00:35:06strobe across his damaged face,
00:35:08aching with a tenderness
00:35:09that has survived
00:35:10every wound
00:35:11he's ever inflicted.
00:35:13Inside,
00:35:14I flip on the kitchen lights
00:35:15and notice the dark stain
00:35:17spreading across his back,
00:35:19fresh blood seeping
00:35:20through ruined fabric.
00:35:21You're bleeding again.
00:35:24Sit down.
00:35:26The wound is on your shoulder blade.
00:35:29Unless you've developed
00:35:31the ability to disallocate
00:35:32your arms,
00:35:32you can't reach it?
00:35:35Sit.
00:35:37Down.
00:35:41Let me.
00:35:42His back is a masterpiece
00:35:44of destruction.
00:35:45My hands shake
00:35:46as I clean the wounds.
00:35:48Why do you race?
00:35:49You can't even drive.
00:35:51I can drive fine.
00:35:52I was distracted.
00:35:54Don't move.
00:35:56I know how to pay attention.
00:36:01Speaking of attention,
00:36:03you look cozy
00:36:04with Bennett tonight.
00:36:05We're not talking
00:36:06about Lucas.
00:36:08No?
00:36:09Maybe we should.
00:36:11Did he buy you dinner first?
00:36:13If I didn't know better,
00:36:16I'd think you were jealous.
00:36:18You think this is funny?
00:36:20Finish the damn sentence,
00:36:22Caleb!
00:36:23You're playing with fire,
00:36:24Serena.
00:36:25Good.
00:36:27Maybe Lucas will help me
00:36:28put it out after.
00:36:31Keep talking.
00:36:33See what happens.
00:36:35Lucas wanted to take me
00:36:37home tonight.
00:36:38After the race.
00:36:39He'd be nice,
00:36:40you know?
00:36:41Careful.
00:36:43Everything you're not.
00:36:46Want to know
00:36:46why I crashed?
00:36:49I saw his hands
00:36:51on you
00:36:53and forgot
00:36:54there was a fucking road.
00:36:56So you're jealous?
00:36:58Don't sound so fucking
00:36:59pleased about it.
00:37:00You have no right
00:37:01to be jealous.
00:37:03Not after everything.
00:37:04I know.
00:37:07Because you were the only
00:37:08beautiful thing
00:37:09I'd ever touched.
00:37:11And I only know
00:37:13how to break
00:37:13beautiful things.
00:37:23Caleb.
00:37:26This is insane.
00:37:29I know.
00:37:31I don't care.
00:37:32Her breath catching.
00:37:33This is where she belongs.
00:37:35In my hands.
00:37:36Under my mouth.
00:37:37Mine.
00:37:38If you want me to stop,
00:37:39say it now.
00:37:40I don't know.
00:37:41But we can't just...
00:37:43Dear you?
00:37:44I should want you to stop.
00:37:46I should hate this.
00:37:49Serena.
00:37:51I've been aroused by you
00:37:52since I was 15.
00:37:53You can read the phone book,
00:37:55but...
00:37:56I need a cold shower.
00:37:58You have no idea
00:37:59what you do to me.
00:38:00Then show me.
00:38:02Stop talking and show me.
00:38:03So I do.
00:38:04The bra is white lace.
00:38:06Simple.
00:38:07Devastating.
00:38:08Not strawberry lingerie.
00:38:12I also have regular
00:38:13underwear, idiot.
00:38:15Thank God.
00:38:17Her breathing has gone shallow.
00:38:18Chest rising and falling.
00:38:20Rapidly.
00:38:21Sensitive?
00:38:24I don't...
00:38:25Every instinct screams at me
00:38:27to take, to claim, to devour.
00:38:29Yet this is Serena.
00:38:31The girl I've destroyed
00:38:32for six years.
00:38:33But I can't stop.
00:38:34So eager for it, aren't you?
00:38:36Who would have thought
00:38:37that a princess could be so lustful?
00:38:40She goes rigid.
00:38:41Fuck.
00:38:42The word princess
00:38:43hangs between us like a blade.
00:38:45Sharp with six years of history.
00:38:48Six years of using
00:38:49using that word
00:38:50to hurt her,
00:38:51to belittle her,
00:38:52to make her feel small.
00:38:54Serena, I didn't mean...
00:38:56Don't.
00:38:58Just...
00:38:59Don't.
00:39:00It slipped out.
00:39:01Force of habit.
00:39:02I wasn't...
00:39:03I can't.
00:39:05I can't do this.
00:39:07Serena, please.
00:39:08Just wait.
00:39:10I can't look at you now.
00:39:12I can't be near you.
00:39:13Just let me explain.
00:39:16Explain what?
00:39:17That you've hated me
00:39:18for six years,
00:39:19and now you expect me
00:39:21to believe this is real?
00:39:22This is real.
00:39:24This is the only real feeling
00:39:25I've ever felt.
00:39:27Then why?
00:39:28Why did you try to destroy me?
00:39:34One word.
00:39:35One fucking word,
00:39:37and I destroyed everything.
00:39:39His mouth tasted like copper
00:39:41and recklessness,
00:39:42and I'm drowning in both.
00:39:44This was what I've been missing.
00:39:46This heat.
00:39:47This hunger.
00:39:48This feeling of being wanted
00:39:50so desperately.
00:39:51Princess.
00:39:52And my body went rigid,
00:39:54not from pleasure,
00:39:56from the avalanche
00:39:57of everything he's ever done to me,
00:39:59crashing through the walls
00:40:00I'd foolishly let him breach.
00:40:02Every insult lands fresh.
00:40:05Serena?
00:40:06Six years of systematic destruction
00:40:08flood back in a single
00:40:10devastating wave.
00:40:11I don't remember
00:40:12mounting the bike.
00:40:13I don't register the roads I take,
00:40:15the turns I make,
00:40:17the darkness swallowing everything
00:40:18beyond my headlights,
00:40:19weak beam.
00:40:21Muscle memory guides me
00:40:22through streets I've traveled
00:40:23a thousand times before.
00:40:25Our spot.
00:40:26Mine and hers.
00:40:27I cry for her.
00:40:29For the mother who should be here.
00:40:30Who should be the one I run to
00:40:32when boys break me open.
00:40:33I cry for the woman I'm becoming.
00:40:36The truth surfaces between sobs.
00:40:38Ugly and undeniable.
00:40:39And impossible to shove back down
00:40:41where it belongs.
00:40:42I want Caleb Thornton.
00:40:44His hands.
00:40:45His mouth.
00:40:46The desperate way he looked at me
00:40:48before I ran away.
00:40:49The admission settles into my chest
00:40:51with the weight of inevitability.
00:40:54I want him.
00:40:55God help me.
00:40:56I want him.
00:40:57And that's exactly why I can't have him.
00:41:01Serena Lakin doesn't crumble for anyone.
00:41:03Least of all the boy who tried hardest
00:41:05to break her.
00:41:07The neighborhood is tomb silent
00:41:09when I finally coast into our driveway.
00:41:12Legs burning from pedaling through streets
00:41:14I barely remember traveling.
00:41:16Both cars sit in their usual spots.
00:41:19Dark and silent like sleeping sentinels.
00:41:22Parents came home while I was falling apart
00:41:24by a lake.
00:41:25And my father had no idea his daughter
00:41:27spent the evening kissing her stepbrother
00:41:29in their kitchen.
00:41:30The stairs creak once beneath my weight
00:41:33and I freeze, heart slamming against my ribs.
00:41:36But no bedroom doors open.
00:41:38No concerned voices call out into the darkness.
00:41:41Sleep doesn't come.
00:41:43I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling,
00:41:45tracing patterns in the shadows
00:41:47that shift each time a car passes
00:41:49on the street below.
00:41:50His hands ghost across my skin
00:41:52in phantom touches I can't shake.
00:41:54The weight of his body between my thighs.
00:41:57The desperate sound of my name in his mouth.
00:42:00Because you were the only beautiful thing
00:42:02I'd ever touched.
00:42:03The confession plays on loop,
00:42:05wearing grooves into my brain
00:42:07until I can't tell if I'm remembering
00:42:09or inventing.
00:42:10Did he really say that?
00:42:11Did his voice really crack on the words
00:42:14like something inside him was breaking?
00:42:16I pull my pillow over my face
00:42:18and scream into it.
00:42:19Morning arrives with the subtlety
00:42:21of a sledgehammer.
00:42:22I spend 20 minutes rebuilding my face
00:42:24into something presentable.
00:42:26Each brush stroke feels like armor.
00:42:29Layer after layer of pigment
00:42:30between the world and my devastation.
00:42:33You're fine.
00:42:34You're completely fine.
00:42:35My legs feel like they belong to someone else
00:42:38as I descend the stairs.
00:42:40Caleb is already at the breakfast table.
00:42:42His head lifts when I enter.
00:42:44Everything from last night crashes back.
00:42:47His mouth, his hands, his confession, my retreat.
00:42:50I look away first.
00:42:52The coffee pot becomes my entire focus
00:42:54as I pour with hands that refuse to steady.
00:42:59Good morning, sweetheart.
00:43:01You look tired.
00:43:02Late night studying.
00:43:04Something like that.
00:43:05I have some wonderful news.
00:43:07I ran into Richard Bennett at the club yesterday
00:43:11and he mentioned that Lucas has been spending
00:43:16quite a bit of time with you lately.
00:43:18I have to say I was delighted to hear it.
00:43:21Lucas seems like a wonderful young man.
00:43:24Richard and Patricia raised him well.
00:43:27Lucas is nice.
00:43:30More than nice, apparently.
00:43:32Richard seemed to think things were progressing
00:43:34rather well between you two.
00:43:36And I must say
00:43:37I wholeheartedly approve.
00:43:40The Bennetts are good people, Serena.
00:43:43Solid values, excellent future prospects.
00:43:47The kind of foundation any father would want for his daughter.
00:43:51Nothing's progressing.
00:43:54We're just friends, Dad.
00:43:58For now.
00:44:00I'm just so glad you're spending time with the right people.
00:44:03Quality connections are important, honey.
00:44:08I have somewhere to be.
00:44:14Well,
00:44:16I wonder what's gotten into him this morning.
00:44:19Young men.
00:44:21Probably some athletic commitment he forgot about until now.
00:44:28My phone buzzes against my thigh.
00:44:31The screen illuminates with Lucas's name.
00:44:33And I almost laugh at the cosmic timing of it all.
00:44:36The universe has a sick sense of humor.
00:44:39I should say no.
00:44:40I should create distance from everything.
00:44:43Lucas.
00:44:44Caleb.
00:44:44The entire tangled mess I've made
00:44:46of my carefully ordered existence.
00:44:49Getting closer to Lucas means
00:44:50watching Caleb's face harden
00:44:52every time we're in the same room.
00:44:54My thumbs hover over the keyboard
00:44:56for a long moment.
00:44:58Me.
00:44:58Sure.
00:44:59Because maybe normal is exactly what I need right now.
00:45:04Drowning looks different
00:45:05when you're doing it on dry land.
00:45:07Here's what I'm currently juggling.
00:45:09A faceless stranger who took my virginity
00:45:11and vanished into a sea of identical skeleton masks.
00:45:15A stepbrother whose mouth I can still taste
00:45:18when I close my eyes.
00:45:19No matter how many times I brush my teeth
00:45:21or chaulding coffee.
00:45:24The library has become my bunker.
00:45:26My fortress.
00:45:27My carefully constructed excuse
00:45:29to avoid every space where Caleb might appear.
00:45:32The complicated part that keeps me awake at night?
00:45:35I don't entirely regret it.
00:45:37You look like someone ran over your cat,
00:45:40resurrected it,
00:45:41and ran it over again.
00:45:42Thanks for that vivid imagery.
00:45:44Really appreciate the poetry
00:45:46you've blessed me with today.
00:45:48I'm being serious right now, Serena.
00:45:50Mia, you've been weird for days
00:45:52and don't think I haven't noticed
00:45:53every single red flag you're waving.
00:45:56That's complete bullshit and you know it.
00:45:59You maintain your GPA in your sleep.
00:46:01Is this about the mystery guy from the race?
00:46:05Did something happen that night?
00:46:06I don't know what you're talking about, Mia.
00:46:09Oh, come on.
00:46:09Don't insult my intelligence.
00:46:11I saw your face that Monday.
00:46:14Even if something did happen,
00:46:15I wouldn't know how to explain it
00:46:16without sounding completely unhinged.
00:46:19Some things are too tangled to put into words.
00:46:21Try me.
00:46:22I've heard worse things
00:46:23than you can possibly imagine.
00:46:25My older sister once confessed
00:46:26to sleeping with her professor,
00:46:28and I kept that secret
00:46:30through two Thanksgivings
00:46:31and a family reunion.
00:46:32It's complicated.
00:46:34Complicated usually means interesting,
00:46:36in my experience.
00:46:37The messiest situations
00:46:39always make the best stories afterward.
00:46:41This isn't a story
00:46:42I want to tell anyone, ever.
00:46:44This is a disaster.
00:46:46Fine, I won't push you today.
00:46:48But I'm here when you're ready
00:46:50to spill everything.
00:47:00He took this while he was inside me,
00:47:03while I kept my eyes shut.
00:47:05Every tall frame,
00:47:06every athletic build
00:47:07makes me wonder
00:47:09with nauseating intensity.
00:47:10Was it you?
00:47:14You look incredible tonight.
00:47:16That blouse is perfect on you.
00:47:18Thank you for bringing me here.
00:47:20It's beautiful.
00:47:22Only the best for you, Serena.
00:47:25The words should make my heart flutter,
00:47:27but my mind keeps drifting
00:47:28to that photo on my phone.
00:47:30Who took it?
00:47:31What do they want from me?
00:47:33Is this blackmail waiting to detonate,
00:47:35or a warning shot across my bow?
00:47:37The professor sounds like
00:47:38some kind of weirdo.
00:47:40Did he actually throw chalk
00:47:41at that guy?
00:47:42Allegedly.
00:47:44The kid deserved it, though.
00:47:46Remind me never to fall asleep
00:47:47in your classes.
00:47:49Serena,
00:47:50you seem really distracted tonight.
00:47:54Sorry.
00:47:56Just school stress weighing on me.
00:47:58Anything I could help with?
00:48:00Can you tell me
00:48:01why my stepbrother
00:48:02makes me feel more alive
00:48:03in fury
00:48:04than you do in kindness?
00:48:06No.
00:48:07But thank you for asking.
00:48:14I had a really great time tonight.
00:48:16Me too.
00:48:23You should go, Bennett.
00:48:25Now.
00:48:26I was just saying
00:48:27goodnight to Serena, man.
00:48:28And now you're leaving.
00:48:31Immediately.
00:48:33Okay.
00:48:33I'll call you tomorrow, Serena.
00:48:35Goodnight.
00:48:40This roast chicken
00:48:42is truly excellent.
00:48:43Yes.
00:48:44It goes perfectly
00:48:45with the wine.
00:48:46The hospital charity gala
00:48:47is next weekend.
00:48:48I was thinking
00:48:49Serena should attend.
00:48:50Wonderful idea.
00:48:52The Bennets
00:48:52will be there, too.
00:48:54Lucas could introduce you
00:48:55to some partners
00:48:56at his father's firm.
00:48:58Networking is so important
00:49:00at your age.
00:49:01Perfect opportunity
00:49:01to wear that lovely dress
00:49:03we bought last month.
00:49:04Of course.
00:49:06Sure.
00:49:07I'll go with Lucas.
00:49:10May I be excused
00:49:10at an early morning?
00:49:12Of course, sweetheart.
00:49:13Is everything all right?
00:49:15Okay.
00:49:15Everything is perfect.
00:49:20Sorry, I...
00:49:23Well...
00:49:23Young people
00:49:24and their moods, I guess.
00:49:25Lucas...
00:49:26He's probably just tired
00:49:27from training.
00:49:28The season is demanding.
00:49:30When did this happen?
00:49:31When did Caleb Thornton's
00:49:33opinions start mattering
00:49:34more than my own piece?
00:49:43We need to talk.
00:49:45Fascinating opener.
00:49:46The answer's still no.
00:49:48Get out!
00:49:49Lucas isn't what he seems.
00:49:52You need to stay away from him.
00:49:53Oh, this is rich.
00:49:55You're giving me
00:49:56relationship advice now?
00:49:57You, of all people?
00:49:59This isn't about us, Serena.
00:50:01This is about him.
00:50:03There is no us, Caleb.
00:50:04There's you,
00:50:05trespassing in my room,
00:50:06running your mouth
00:50:07about things
00:50:07that don't concern you.
00:50:11You kissed him tonight.
00:50:13I did a lot of things tonight.
00:50:15Breathing, blinking,
00:50:17walking upright.
00:50:18Should I run those by you, too,
00:50:19or just the ones
00:50:20involving other men's mouths?
00:50:21On our doorstep.
00:50:23Ten feet from where
00:50:25I was standing.
00:50:26Proximity bothers you now?
00:50:28That's new.
00:50:29You've never had trouble
00:50:31performing with an audience before.
00:50:33Careful, Serena.
00:50:34Or what?
00:50:35You'll make my life miserable?
00:50:37Breaking news.
00:50:38You've been doing that
00:50:39since middle school.
00:50:40I'm immune.
00:50:41You're not immune to anything.
00:50:43Your pulse is jumping
00:50:45in your throat right now.
00:50:47I can see it from here.
00:50:48That's called hatred, Caleb.
00:50:50Search it!
00:50:51Hatred doesn't make
00:50:52your pupils dilate.
00:50:54Hatred doesn't make you
00:50:56breathe like you've been running.
00:50:57Maybe I'm allergic to bullshit.
00:50:59You're certainly
00:51:00giving off enough of it.
00:51:01Then why haven't you
00:51:02screamed for daddy yet?
00:51:04I don't need my father
00:51:05to handle you.
00:51:06No?
00:51:06Then handle me yourself.
00:51:08Put your hands on my chest
00:51:10and shove me out that door.
00:51:17What's the holdup, princess?
00:51:18All that righteous anger
00:51:20and you can't even touch me
00:51:21long enough to push me away.
00:51:22Don't call me that.
00:51:24Touch me and I'll stop.
00:51:26You're terrified.
00:51:27Not of me.
00:51:29Of what happens
00:51:30when you stop pretending
00:51:31you don't want this.
00:51:32The only thing I want
00:51:34is for you to choke
00:51:35on your own ego.
00:51:36Liar.
00:51:37Your whole body's shaking.
00:51:39You're so wound up
00:51:41you can barely stand.
00:51:42You are delusional.
00:51:44Then prove it.
00:51:46Tell me to leave.
00:51:48Mean it.
00:51:48Why are you in my face again?
00:51:51What do you want from me?
00:52:03Come on, princess.
00:52:05Tell me how much
00:52:06you hate me now.
00:52:07I hate.
00:52:08I hate you.
00:52:10Again.
00:52:11Make me believe it this time.
00:52:15Caleb.
00:52:18Every pathetic dream
00:52:20I've tortured myself with
00:52:21dissolves into nothing
00:52:23compared to the weight
00:52:24of her body
00:52:25pressed against mine.
00:52:26Somehow we migrate
00:52:27to my room.
00:52:31You're shaking.
00:52:33No, I'm not.
00:52:40Caleb.
00:52:42Your hands are literally trembling.
00:52:44Shut up.
00:52:46I'm just saying.
00:52:47You want to analyze this?
00:52:49Write a thesis
00:52:50about my
00:52:51sizzy logical responses?
00:52:54Or do you want me
00:52:55to make you forget
00:52:55how to form sentences?
00:52:57That's what I thought.
00:52:59I'm not a virgin anymore.
00:53:01That doesn't mean
00:53:02it won't hurt
00:53:03the second time.
00:53:04We don't have to do this.
00:53:06If you've changed
00:53:07your mind.
00:53:09I haven't changed
00:53:10my fucking mind.
00:53:12I just...
00:53:14I need you
00:53:15to be sure.
00:53:16Why?
00:53:17Because I'm not
00:53:18a complete bastard.
00:53:20Despite popular opinion.
00:53:22Caleb,
00:53:23I want this.
00:53:23I want you.
00:53:27Tell me if it hurts.
00:53:29I mean it, Serena.
00:53:30One word
00:53:31and I stop.
00:53:35Your turn.
00:53:36Slow down.
00:53:38You've been telling me
00:53:39to shut up
00:53:39and take what I want
00:53:40for years.
00:53:42Now you want me
00:53:43to be patient?
00:53:44Now I want to take
00:53:45my time.
00:53:47I want to learn
00:53:47every inch of you.
00:53:49I want to hear
00:53:50every sound you make.
00:53:52I want to remember
00:53:52this when I'm old
00:53:53and broken
00:53:54and you've moved on
00:53:55to someone who deserves you.
00:53:56Caleb,
00:53:57you're staring.
00:53:59Don't hide from me.
00:54:00Not now.
00:54:02It's embarrassing.
00:54:03You're perfect.
00:54:05You've always been perfect
00:54:06and I've hated you for it.
00:54:07Hated how much
00:54:08I wanted you.
00:54:09Hated that you made me
00:54:10feel things
00:54:10I couldn't control.
00:54:19Caleb,
00:54:19what are you doing?
00:54:29Caleb.
00:54:30We go slow.
00:54:36I'll stop
00:54:37whenever you say.
00:54:42Caleb,
00:54:43please.
00:54:45Please what?
00:54:46I need you.
00:54:48Please,
00:54:49I need you
00:54:50inside me.
00:54:57her taste.
00:54:59Salt and sweetness
00:55:00as I drag my mouth
00:55:02down her throat.
00:55:03I've dreamed about this
00:55:05since my first
00:55:06fumbling experiences
00:55:07taught me what bodies
00:55:08could do together.
00:55:09Backseats of cars
00:55:11with girls
00:55:11whose names
00:55:12blurred by morning.
00:55:14Dorm rooms
00:55:14and parties
00:55:15and encounters
00:55:16that meant nothing
00:55:17beyond temporary release.
00:55:19None of them mattered
00:55:20because they weren't her.
00:55:23God.
00:55:23our family
00:55:24but we're real close
00:55:26this line we cross
00:55:28nobody
00:55:28nor
00:55:30forbidden
00:55:31don't pray
00:55:33don't cry
00:55:35just let me drown
00:55:36in your alibi
00:55:39what if we stop
00:55:40pretending
00:55:43what if we just
00:55:44given
00:55:51the warmth
00:55:52pressed against
00:55:53my body
00:55:54tangible
00:55:54and real
00:56:02how long
00:56:03have you been awake?
00:56:05a while
00:56:06you talk in your sleep
00:56:08you know that?
00:56:11very entertaining
00:56:12right
00:56:14something about
00:56:14constitutional amendments
00:56:15and a
00:56:17certain
00:56:18professor
00:56:19Henderson
00:56:19oh god
00:56:21please tell me
00:56:22you're lying
00:56:23I liked it best
00:56:24when you muttered
00:56:24something about
00:56:24colored markers
00:56:25very sexy
00:56:27bedtime talk
00:56:27Lincoln
00:56:30you're unbearable
00:56:32and yet you're here
00:56:35still in my bed
00:56:37the morning is just
00:56:38beginning
00:56:39give me time
00:56:41take all the time
00:56:42you want
00:56:43I'm not going
00:56:44anywhere
00:56:49I should probably
00:56:50go get ready
00:56:52the gala is tonight
00:56:54and I need to
00:56:56a gala evening
00:56:57yes the charity event
00:56:59our parents have been
00:56:59discussing for weeks
00:57:01Catherine mentioned it
00:57:02at dinner last night
00:57:02remember
00:57:04the hospital foundation thing
00:57:05the whole point of last night
00:57:07was that you don't go with him
00:57:09last night had no point
00:57:11last night was a mistake
00:57:12a mistake
00:57:14that's what you're calling it
00:57:15what else would I possibly
00:57:16call it Caleb
00:57:18you were screaming my name
00:57:19four hours ago
00:57:20and now it's a mistake
00:57:20lower your voice
00:57:22before someone hears
00:57:26you let Lucas kiss you
00:57:28on our doorstep
00:57:29you're going to this gala
00:57:30on his arm tonight
00:57:33parading around like
00:57:34nothing happened
00:57:35between us
00:57:35and
00:57:37what happens in my life
00:57:38is none of your concern
00:57:40and I'm supposed to be
00:57:41fine with that
00:57:43after everything that happened
00:57:44between us last night
00:57:45you don't get to be anything
00:57:47about my choices
00:57:50this doesn't give you
00:57:51rights over me
00:57:52then
00:57:54what the hell does it
00:57:55give me Serena
00:57:57I need to go
00:57:58step away
00:58:04you're really going to
00:58:05pretend this means nothing
00:58:06I'm not pretending anything
00:58:10liar
00:58:11I know what you felt
00:58:14let me go
00:58:15Caleb
00:58:15I can't watch you
00:58:18with him
00:58:19I can't watch him
00:58:20touch you
00:58:21knowing what we
00:58:22knowing how you
00:58:24but before I can respond
00:58:26his slam on the closet
00:58:27makes us both
00:58:28look at the carpet
00:58:29and my whole world
00:58:30turns upside down
00:58:34I can explain
00:58:39Serena please
00:58:41just let me explain
00:58:42what happened
00:58:43you
00:58:44it was you
00:58:46yes
00:58:46but it's not yoked
00:58:48you took my virginity
00:58:51you knew exactly
00:58:52who I was
00:58:52and you let me think
00:58:54I was with someone else
00:58:55I didn't plan it
00:58:56I saw you with Lucas
00:58:57followed because
00:58:58I was jealous
00:58:59and then you took my hand
00:59:00and you just went
00:59:01along with it
00:59:02you let me believe
00:59:03I was with someone else
00:59:04the entire time
00:59:05we were in that room
00:59:06you thought you were
00:59:07with Lucas
00:59:07you wanted him
00:59:08not me
00:59:08what was I supposed
00:59:09to do
00:59:10correct you
00:59:10midsduction
00:59:11yes
00:59:12that's what a decent
00:59:14person would do
00:59:14Caleb
00:59:15I'm not a decent
00:59:16human being
00:59:17I've never claimed
00:59:18to be
00:59:19and the message
00:59:21the photo someone
00:59:22sent to my phone
00:59:23last week
00:59:23that was me
00:59:26I sent it
00:59:27you photographed me
00:59:29without my consent
00:59:29and then used it
00:59:30to threaten me
00:59:31it wasn't a threat
00:59:32it was
00:59:32I was trying to make
00:59:34you stay away
00:59:34from Lucas
00:59:35I panicked
00:59:36I blackmailing me
00:59:38that was your
00:59:39brilliant plan
00:59:40you kept spending
00:59:41time with him
00:59:42and I couldn't
00:59:43just tell you
00:59:44the truth
00:59:44without
00:59:45without what
00:59:46admitting you'd
00:59:47already violated
00:59:48every boundary
00:59:49that exists
00:59:49between two people
00:59:50Lucas is not
00:59:51who you think
00:59:52he is
00:59:53that's what
00:59:54I've been trying
00:59:54to tell you
00:59:54all this time
00:59:55oh this should
00:59:56be good
00:59:57please enlighten
00:59:58me about
00:59:58who Lucas is
00:59:59he's dangerous
01:00:00Serena
01:00:01there are things
01:00:02about him
01:00:03you don't know
01:00:03things you
01:00:04conveniently
01:00:05couldn't mention
01:00:06until after
01:00:06you'd slept
01:00:07with me twice
01:00:07and gotten
01:00:08caught in
01:00:08your own
01:00:08web of lies
01:00:09the timing
01:00:10looks suspicious
01:00:11I know
01:00:12but I'm telling
01:00:13you the truth
01:00:14right now
01:00:14the truth
01:00:15you don't know
01:00:16what that word
01:00:16means Caleb
01:00:16you wouldn't
01:00:17recognize truth
01:00:18that introduced
01:00:18itself with a
01:00:19handshake
01:00:20Serena
01:00:20wait
01:00:22you have to
01:00:23listen to me
01:00:24about this
01:00:26I don't have
01:00:27to do what
01:00:27you say
01:00:28Lucas hurt
01:00:29someone
01:00:30back in high
01:00:31school there
01:00:31was a girl
01:00:32at a party
01:00:32after everyone
01:00:33else had left
01:00:34she is the
01:00:35reason we
01:00:36stopped being
01:00:37friends
01:00:37and you expect
01:00:39me to believe
01:00:39this convenient
01:00:40revelation right
01:00:41now after
01:00:42everything you've
01:00:43just admitted
01:00:44it's not
01:00:45convenient
01:00:45it's relevant
01:00:47everything I've
01:00:48done has been
01:00:48to protect you
01:00:49from him
01:00:50are you
01:00:51lying to me
01:00:51this is
01:00:52sickening
01:00:53Caleb
01:00:53I know
01:00:55what it looks
01:00:55like but
01:00:56all I did
01:00:57was because
01:00:58I was
01:00:59because you're
01:00:59a manipulative
01:01:00bastard
01:01:03last night
01:01:03you told me
01:01:04it might hurt
01:01:05the second
01:01:05time
01:01:06you knew
01:01:06it was only
01:01:07my second
01:01:07time because
01:01:08you were my
01:01:09first
01:01:09Serena
01:01:10don't
01:01:11don't say
01:01:12my name
01:01:13like that
01:01:13you can't
01:01:14seem offended
01:01:14right now
01:01:15and going
01:01:18don't follow
01:01:19me
01:01:19please
01:01:20don't do
01:01:21this
01:01:21it's not
01:01:22like that
01:01:23Serena
01:01:23so how
01:01:24do I
01:01:24do it
01:01:27you're
01:01:28exactly the
01:01:29villain I
01:01:29always knew
01:01:30you were
01:01:30I just
01:01:31forgot for
01:01:32a few
01:01:32hours
01:01:36and the
01:01:37party tonight
01:01:38are you
01:01:39still going
01:01:39with him
01:01:39despite
01:01:40everything I
01:01:40just told
01:01:41you
01:01:43your word
01:01:43means nothing
01:01:44to me
01:01:44anymore
01:01:47this is
01:01:47such a
01:01:48beautiful
01:01:48event
01:01:49it really
01:01:49is
01:01:50cheers to
01:01:50that
01:01:51charity
01:01:52galas
01:01:52exist
01:01:53so rich
01:01:53people can
01:01:54feel generous
01:01:55while drinking
01:01:56champagne that
01:01:57costs more
01:01:57than my
01:01:58textbooks
01:01:58you look
01:01:59stunning
01:02:00every man
01:02:01in this room
01:02:02is jealous
01:02:02of me right
01:02:03now
01:02:03flattery will
01:02:04get you
01:02:04everywhere
01:02:05Bennett
01:02:06that's what
01:02:07I'm counting
01:02:07on
01:02:09you two look
01:02:10absolutely
01:02:10lovely together
01:02:11like something
01:02:12from a magazine
01:02:13spread honestly
01:02:16the Bennett's
01:02:17raised a fine
01:02:17young man
01:02:18I couldn't
01:02:19be happier
01:02:19about you
01:02:20two spending
01:02:21time together
01:02:21thank you
01:02:22sir
01:02:24Serena makes
01:02:25it easy
01:02:25to be a
01:02:25gentleman
01:02:37do you
01:02:38want to
01:02:38dance
01:02:39I
01:02:40wouldn't
01:02:40want
01:02:40anything
01:02:41more
01:02:44my
01:02:44father's
01:02:45partner
01:02:45wanted to
01:02:45meet you
01:02:46he's been
01:02:46asking about
01:02:47my mysterious
01:02:47pre-law
01:02:48girlfriend
01:02:48all evening
01:02:49I'm not
01:02:50your girlfriend
01:02:52every interaction
01:02:53only reveals
01:02:54more kindness
01:02:55more evidence
01:02:57that Caleb
01:02:57lied
01:02:58enjoying yourself
01:02:59princess
01:02:59don't call me
01:03:00that
01:03:01playing dress up
01:03:02with Bennett
01:03:02looks exhausting
01:03:04blue suits
01:03:05you though
01:03:06your mother
01:03:07would have
01:03:07approved
01:03:07is there
01:03:08something you
01:03:09need
01:03:09Thornton
01:03:09it's like
01:03:10him now
01:03:11actually
01:03:12didn't you
01:03:13hear
01:03:13we're one
01:03:14big happy
01:03:14family these
01:03:15days
01:03:16just making
01:03:17conversation
01:03:17with my
01:03:18stepister
01:03:19family
01:03:20obligation
01:03:20you understand
01:03:22funny how
01:03:22you only
01:03:23remember
01:03:23family
01:03:24obligations
01:03:24when it's
01:03:25convenient
01:03:25some of us
01:03:27remember
01:03:27when you
01:03:27couldn't
01:03:27spell the
01:03:28word
01:03:28and some
01:03:29of us
01:03:29remember
01:03:29things we
01:03:30probably
01:03:30shouldn't
01:03:31talk about
01:03:31and charity
01:03:32gallows
01:03:33right Bennett
01:03:34wouldn't want
01:03:35to ruin
01:03:35the evening
01:03:36with ancient
01:03:36history
01:03:37you're drunk
01:03:39maybe you
01:03:40should find
01:03:40some water
01:03:41in a quiet
01:03:41corner
01:03:41maybe you
01:03:42should worry
01:03:43less about
01:03:43my hydration
01:03:45and more
01:03:45about your
01:03:46own glass
01:03:46house
01:03:48stones hurt
01:03:49when they
01:03:50come back
01:03:50around
01:03:50don't they
01:03:51we were
01:03:52actually just
01:03:53leaving
01:03:53excuse us
01:04:05I didn't
01:04:05know you
01:04:06smoked
01:04:08there's a lot
01:04:08you don't
01:04:09know about
01:04:09me
01:04:10though I
01:04:11suppose that
01:04:11cuts both
01:04:12ways now
01:04:12doesn't it
01:04:14you've been
01:04:15avoiding me all
01:04:16night Serena
01:04:16I really like
01:04:18the gala
01:04:19it's not all
01:04:20about you
01:04:20Caleb
01:04:21no
01:04:23then why do
01:04:24you look for
01:04:24me in every
01:04:24room you
01:04:25enter
01:04:25I don't
01:04:30you do
01:04:30you've been
01:04:31watching me all
01:04:32night while
01:04:32pretending not
01:04:33to
01:04:34and I've been
01:04:34watching you
01:04:35pretend
01:04:42does Lucas
01:04:43know
01:04:43know what
01:04:45that you're
01:04:47only with him
01:04:48because of me
01:04:49you're delusional
01:04:51I chose
01:04:53Lucas
01:04:53because he's
01:04:54everything you're
01:04:55not
01:04:56and what
01:04:57exactly am I
01:04:58not
01:04:58honest
01:04:59attentive
01:05:01capable of
01:05:03basic human
01:05:03decency without
01:05:04ulterior motives
01:05:05attach
01:05:05sounds like a
01:05:06golden retriever
01:05:08very exciting
01:05:10excitement isn't
01:05:11everything Caleb
01:05:12some of us prefer
01:05:14stability over
01:05:15chaos
01:05:16you don't want
01:05:17stability
01:05:18you want to feel
01:05:20safe one what
01:05:21terrifies you
01:05:21what terrifies me
01:05:23is your complete
01:05:25inability to take
01:05:27responsibility for
01:05:28anything you've
01:05:29done
01:05:29I've taken
01:05:30responsibility
01:05:31I told you the
01:05:33truth about
01:05:33Bennett
01:05:34about Halloween
01:05:35about the photo
01:05:36about all of it
01:05:38after I discovered
01:05:39the mask in your
01:05:40closet
01:05:40that's not a
01:05:41confession
01:05:42that's damage
01:05:43control
01:05:44and yet here you
01:05:45are
01:05:46alone with me on a
01:05:47balcony instead of
01:05:48inside with your
01:05:49puppy
01:05:49I came out here
01:05:51for air
01:05:52not for you
01:05:53keep telling
01:05:54yourself that
01:05:57that's a great
01:05:58story
01:05:59I remember the
01:06:00first time I saw
01:06:01the play
01:06:06excuse me for a
01:06:07moment
01:06:10there you are
01:06:11I've been looking
01:06:12everywhere for you
01:06:15just getting some
01:06:17air
01:06:17the ballroom was
01:06:18getting stuffy
01:06:19I can imagine
01:06:21Caleb
01:06:23still here
01:06:24just leaving
01:06:26the view got less
01:06:27interesting
01:06:27I want to hurt him
01:06:29the way he hurt me
01:06:30I want him to watch
01:06:32and suffer
01:06:34Lucas
01:06:36Serena
01:06:56what was that
01:06:57for
01:06:57I just wanted
01:06:59to
01:07:03I'm not
01:07:04complaining
01:07:05feel free to want
01:07:06that anytime
01:07:06we should go back
01:07:08inside
01:07:10people will talk
01:07:12let them
01:07:21funny how memory
01:07:22works
01:07:23my traitorous mind
01:07:24has other plans
01:07:25circling Caleb's
01:07:27face like a vulture
01:07:28over carrion
01:07:29devastated doesn't
01:07:30cover it
01:07:31he looked destroyed
01:07:32the foundation cracked
01:07:34and walls collapsed
01:07:35I tell myself
01:07:36this is what I
01:07:37wanted
01:07:38punishment
01:07:39so why does
01:07:40victory taste
01:07:41like ash
01:07:42coating my tongue
01:07:43the clock reads
01:07:44three in the morning
01:07:45but even in dreams
01:07:47I can't escape
01:07:47the blue of his eyes
01:07:49right before
01:07:49they went hollow
01:07:52Lucas and I
01:07:53build something
01:07:54in the spaces
01:07:55between obligations
01:07:56coffee shops
01:07:57where baristas
01:07:58know our orders
01:07:59library corners
01:08:00we've claimed
01:08:01as territory
01:08:06his roommates
01:08:07scatter
01:08:07when I arrive
01:08:08mumbling excuses
01:08:10that sound
01:08:10rehearsed
01:08:11they're just
01:08:12awkward around
01:08:13new people
01:08:16he seems
01:08:17genuine
01:08:17which either
01:08:19means he is
01:08:20or he's very good
01:08:21at pretending
01:08:21that's
01:08:22Trace
01:08:22Shurion
01:08:23thank you
01:08:24I'm a realist
01:08:26not a cheerleader
01:08:28but your other
01:08:29friends like him
01:08:30so there's that
01:08:31they do like him
01:08:32the easy charm
01:08:33the remembered details
01:08:35the way he makes
01:08:36everyone feel important
01:08:37I should be grateful
01:08:39for the consensus
01:08:39instead
01:08:40I find myself
01:08:42cataloging
01:08:42inconsistencies
01:08:43like evidence
01:08:44for a trial
01:08:45I haven't decided
01:08:46to hold
01:08:47his smile
01:08:48doesn't always
01:08:48reach his eyes
01:08:49especially when
01:08:50he thinks I'm not
01:08:51watching
01:08:52Caleb watches us
01:08:53across campus
01:08:54with the dedication
01:08:55of someone
01:08:56memorizing a crime scene
01:08:57he doesn't approach
01:08:59doesn't speak
01:09:00doesn't acknowledge
01:09:01my existence
01:09:02beyond those
01:09:03burning blue eyes
01:09:04tracking my movements
01:09:05every time
01:09:06our gazes collide
01:09:07my chest constricts
01:09:09with an ache
01:09:09I refuse to name
01:09:10I look away first
01:09:12because looking longer
01:09:13feels like confession
01:09:15the parade of girls
01:09:16through his bedroom
01:09:17has stopped
01:09:18or at least
01:09:19the volume
01:09:19has dropped
01:09:20to silence
01:09:28you okay
01:09:31fine
01:09:31what happened
01:09:33between you two
01:09:33ancient history
01:09:35Serena
01:09:37it doesn't matter
01:09:38anymore
01:09:38clearly it does
01:09:40you can't even
01:09:41look at his car
01:09:42without going
01:09:43full statue
01:09:43we were kids
01:09:46people grow apart
01:09:47that's not an answer
01:09:48and you know it
01:09:51it was just
01:09:52high school drama
01:09:53stupid teenage stuff
01:09:56what kind of
01:09:57stupid teenage stuff
01:09:58did you steal
01:09:59his book
01:10:00beat him
01:10:02at lacrosse tryouts
01:10:04nothing like that
01:10:07then what
01:10:09was there a girl
01:10:10involved
01:10:13maybe
01:10:15but it's complicated
01:10:16complicated how
01:10:20what
01:10:21you two couldn't
01:10:22share her or something
01:10:23there was a girl
01:10:26her name was Rachel
01:10:27and things just
01:10:30got messy
01:10:34anyway
01:10:36what are your
01:10:37thanksgiving plans
01:10:38my parents
01:10:39my parents have been
01:10:39asking about you
01:10:40I let him redirect
01:10:42let him kiss my cheek
01:10:43and walk away
01:10:44let the questions
01:10:45settle heavy
01:10:46in my chest
01:10:47Rachel
01:10:49a girl
01:10:50things got messy
01:10:51the name circles
01:10:53my mind
01:10:53three hours
01:10:55disappear
01:10:55into the black hole
01:10:57of social media
01:10:58stalking
01:10:58Rachel Weaver
01:10:59emerges from the
01:11:00digital excavation
01:11:02around midnight
01:11:03I scroll back
01:11:04through years
01:11:05junior prom
01:11:06three years ago
01:11:07Caleb on her left
01:11:09Lucas on her right
01:11:10whatever broke them
01:11:11apart
01:11:12started with this girl
01:11:14in the blue dress
01:11:16whatever truth
01:11:17Caleb tried to tell me
01:11:18has roots
01:11:19I'm only beginning
01:11:20to trace
01:11:20I open a new
01:11:22message window
01:11:22before doubt
01:11:23can intervene
01:11:24the cursor blinks
01:11:25patient
01:11:26and waiting
01:11:27I start typing
01:11:28I start typing
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