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Malcolm In The Middle Lifes Still Unfair S01E03 [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:09I've been calling and calling, and Tristan still won't respond to me.
00:12So I'm sending my child in to talk to her for me.
00:15I know. It's like all my gargoyles are gone.
00:19Ooh, ooh!
00:26She doesn't want to talk to you.
00:28That's all she said?
00:28You were in there for a half hour.
00:30She likes talking to me.
00:31Did you tell her she can call me any time, or text me, or come over,
00:35that I'll do whatever she asks to make it better?
00:37Yeah, I said you were a desperate lunatic.
00:39Did she like that?
00:40Dad!
00:40Tell me exactly what she said!
00:42She wants you to deal with this mess you made.
00:44So do I.
00:45Their anniversary is tomorrow.
00:47We can still go.
00:48Then we can both be in your family.
00:53I can't remember a nicer Christmas.
00:55I love all my presents.
00:57That's great.
00:58Reese, the amazing dinner you made, cleaning everything by yourself, all your presents,
01:03so thoughtful and generous.
01:05You really made this the best Christmas we've ever had.
01:07Oh, so I'm the reason every other Christmas was crap?
01:10Huh?
01:11No, I...
01:12Yes, Reese, you're the reason why every other Christmas was crap.
01:14Well, look who blames everyone but himself, as usual.
01:17Hey, you can't criticize anyone.
01:19Nice drugstore perfume, Richie Rich.
01:21Better than a donation was made in your name.
01:23How am I supposed to turn that in for cash?
01:25Well, at least we spelled your name right...
01:26Jamie!
01:27Who gets black socks at Christmas?
01:29Why did you have to ruin this?
01:31Thanks for dragging me here.
01:32Now I hate Christmas!
01:35No.
01:36Not possible.
01:37You don't understand.
01:38I'm protecting the people that I love...
01:41from the people that I love.
01:43Listen, it was unfair of me to make you my go-between.
01:46No child should be burdened with this kind of thing.
01:49We agree on one thing.
01:50What have I done?
01:52No!
01:53She's the one!
01:55Leah, never fall in love with someone that's better than you, okay?
01:58You'll just end up disappointing them and disgusting yourself!
02:01Idiot!
02:01Idiot!
02:02No!
02:05I feel like if I comfort him, he'll keep going.
02:07Idiot!
02:08Idiot!
02:09Tristan!
02:10I'm sorry!
02:12Life is unfair!
02:24What a rip.
02:28Hmm.
02:31Oh.
02:33Hello.
02:35Hello.
02:44Okay, be that way.
02:54Mom!
02:55Reese finally worked up the courage to come out of hiding and face your righteous anger!
02:59She's out shopping all day.
03:00I hid under her car until she drove off.
03:03What do you want?
03:04Revenge.
03:05What did I do?
03:06You found out what I did.
03:08Do you know what this is?
03:10A completely trashed room.
03:12Do you know what room?
03:13No.
03:14Because you're a goody-goody and you've never been there.
03:16It's your principal's office.
03:18You trashed it.
03:19What?
03:20As a protest over the slow pace of progress on diversity and inclusion.
03:24What'd you do?
03:24Leave a note saying, I did it.
03:26Love, Kelly.
03:27Oh, please.
03:27I went pro 20 years before you were born.
03:30It's easy.
03:31Copy your handwriting just well enough to look like it's you trying to disguise it.
03:36Scrape your social media for characteristic phrasing.
03:38There's no activism without transgression.
03:41You gave me that.
03:43See what I did to the picture of his baby?
03:45That's gonna focus some feelings.
03:47What is wrong with you?
03:49You'll never know.
03:49The court sealed that report.
03:55I'm coming, mother of a table of a bill of a court.
04:05I see a light.
04:08I could take the squirming if I didn't have to see his hangy stuff.
04:13How are we?
04:15What?
04:16Yeah, I need it, mama.
04:19Hello, world.
04:29My, my.
04:31What a big, strong voice.
04:36Hello there.
04:38I'm Hal.
04:44How are you feeling?
04:45Hot and dizzy and nauseous.
04:48I called my mom and she said she felt like this every day for nine months and that's why she
04:51never liked me.
04:53I've been thinking a lot about my mom's list.
04:55Aw, jeez.
04:56No, it's good.
04:57I realized I haven't been fair to her.
04:59She's got dad to deal with.
05:01Malcolm and Reese are giant assholes.
05:03She's older now.
05:04She doesn't feed on the chaos like she used to.
05:07Wow.
05:08I'm so proud of you.
05:10You've matured just in time to be a dad.
05:13Anyway, she's freaking out about the money she's spending at the party, so I was thinking we're doing okay.
05:18We could help out.
05:20Maybe our present is that we kick in a thousand dollars toward the party.
05:23I think that's nice.
05:26Wait a minute.
05:27You're just trying to move up her list.
05:28One spot.
05:29We're having a damn baby.
05:31How is that not at least top seven?
05:33Yes, we're having a damn baby.
05:34How can you still be so fixated on your mother?
05:37Because it's making me nuts.
05:39Since the day I was born, I've always been her biggest problem.
05:42The first grade fires, the summer camp riots, the freshman plea deal.
05:46She nearly went completely bald from the stress I was causing.
05:50I don't know.
05:52I got used to it.
05:53And even recognizing how futile and self-destructive it is, you're still going to embrace this insanity?
05:59Yes, you get it.
06:02Love you.
06:06Oh my God, you said that?
06:08You're so brave.
06:09Yeah, you know I don't care what those guys think.
06:13You got to float above it.
06:15That's what I do.
06:17It's easy when you're pretty.
06:19I don't know.
06:20I think everyone has stuff they worry about.
06:23Is the cafeteria doing burgers or stir-fry on Monday?
06:28Stir-fry.
06:29Monday's always stir-fry.
06:32I knew I'd be good at flirting.
06:34Come in.
06:38Hi, honey.
06:39I'm sorry again about this morning, but I want you to know I've done some hard introspection, and I'm in
06:44a calmer place now.
06:46Okay.
06:46I mean, I'm still heartbroken, but I accept that it is over between Tristan and me.
06:51So now I'm sad.
06:52I'm sad, but it's a healthy kind of sad that I can work to get past by focusing on the
06:57good things in my life, like you.
06:59I'm going to focus more on you.
07:01I'm actually fine.
07:02I know it's the last thing a kid your age wants is more time with Daddy.
07:06But I had a great idea.
07:07Do you remember old school Manny's?
07:09Yes.
07:10It's still open.
07:11We haven't been there in years.
07:12I love that place.
07:13Me too.
07:13The fries were amazing.
07:15They were disgusting.
07:16No.
07:17Really?
07:18Everything about that place was disgusting.
07:19There was cockroaches in the bathroom.
07:21The video games were sticky.
07:23One time, I got a Band-Aid in my sandwich.
07:25I don't remember it like that.
07:27Because you were little, and it was our place.
07:29We talked about school and your dreams and...
07:32Why Mom left if she loved me so much?
07:34Yeah, I never had a great answer for that one.
07:36But let's go to dinner tonight.
07:37Me and you.
07:38All right?
07:39They still have Zombie Massacre 3.
07:40We can play, and tomorrow we'll compare nightmares.
07:42That sounds great.
07:43I'm really looking forward to it.
07:49You can go back to talking to that boy.
07:54Okay, wait.
07:57You look nice and comfy.
08:00I assume you're here to beg for mercy?
08:02No.
08:02Actually, I'm here to thank you.
08:05This whole thing has been a real learning experience.
08:08I learned what you're capable of.
08:10I learned that the desire for revenge can go way too far and hurt someone.
08:14I learned I'm comfortable with that.
08:16I learned your social security number is 987-654-327.
08:21I learned how to contact the IRS Anonymous tip line about unreported video income.
08:27I don't have unreported income.
08:30Then you'll be fine.
08:32The IRS isn't going to listen to a stupid teenager.
08:35I'm worried about that too.
08:36But Agent Miller said the national debt is $35 trillion, and they'll listen to anybody.
08:44Okay, you've won.
08:47I've done this a long time, so I know.
08:50At this point, any revenge I try is not just going to be pointless.
08:53It's also going to blow back and hurt me.
08:57And somehow I'm still looking forward to doing it.
09:01I keep looking at this font.
09:02I can't decide.
09:03Is this celebratory, romantic, or is this just cliché?
09:06I'm running out of time.
09:08What do you think?
09:09I think I clock out in five minutes.
09:11Ten seconds later, I won't remember this interaction.
09:13Yeah, you're right.
09:13It's cliché.
09:15Hi.
09:16Abe.
09:16I've been calling Hal all day, and he's not answering.
09:18Where are you guys?
09:19Lois.
09:19Yes, yes.
09:20Lovely to hear from you.
09:22All ready for your party tomorrow?
09:23No, because I need Hal's help.
09:25Where is he?
09:26Where are you guys?
09:27I can hear the excitement in your voice.
09:29We are all looking forward to it.
09:31Abe.
09:31Yes.
09:32We're just finishing up our haircuts.
09:34It's taking much longer than we thought.
09:36Mario is being overly precise.
09:40Oop, we're heading into a tunnel.
09:46Barbershop.
09:47Tunnel.
09:51I don't understand how you look exactly like me, and so much better than me.
09:56Even your socks.
09:57I'll never have socks like that.
09:59Hal, you have everything I have.
10:02I'm you.
10:05Come on.
10:07I'm enjoying this, but we are here to work.
10:10Can you tell me about Hal?
10:13Hal, from the moment I had any self-awareness, I have been gripped by a pervasive fear.
10:20Fear has been my constant companion, not as a condition or an abstraction, but something
10:25tangible, embodied.
10:30Interesting.
10:31Please, go on.
10:33Like, when I was seven, and our whole house shook and heaved with the weight of my father's
10:40broken dreams.
10:41Fear was already there.
10:43Almost like a big brother.
10:45Your fear.
10:45Yeah, my fear.
10:47Fear taught me things I needed in life.
10:50Always say yes, because you'll probably never get another chance, and to never let go of
10:55what you've got, because anything can be taken away from you like that.
11:00That sounds like such a hard way to live, Hal.
11:04Oh, you bet.
11:05Fear made it hard sometimes.
11:07But I don't think I would have gotten anywhere in life without his vigilance.
11:11Right?
11:14Anything worth doing is worth doing in a cold sweat.
11:18See?
11:20A tough lesson delivered with kindness.
11:22Thanks, man.
11:24And he reminds me of someone, Trent Reznor.
11:28Ah, yes.
11:31Let's move on.
11:32I think we're getting somewhere.
11:34I used to think that taking care of my kids was my purpose, the best, most important thing
11:41I could ever do.
11:44You know, it really swallows up every bit of your attention and concern and plans for the future.
11:55And?
11:59And?
12:01As every kid grew up and moved out, I had more and more bandwidth.
12:08And I finally realized they didn't need me anymore.
12:20So, no meaning.
12:24No purpose.
12:28I...
12:30I'm nothing.
12:38Hal, you've been so focused on your family's needs, never thought about your own.
12:45Your inner resources are depleted because you've never nourished them.
12:52I haven't thought about it like that.
12:55Hal, the key to this is what they always tell you on airplanes.
13:02You have to put your own mask on first.
13:11Oh, shit.
13:17Hey.
13:18Piyama and I can see how stressed you are about the party, but we both think an achievement
13:22like 40 years of marriage needs to be celebrated, so we're giving you a thousand bucks toward it.
13:30Thanks.
13:36Hi, this is Lois.
13:37Is that upgrade to the sound system still available?
13:40$1,500, right?
13:42Let's do it.
13:44No.
13:45I gave you that to help your money problems.
13:47You're not supposed to put yourself another 500 in the hole.
13:50I have to spend what I need to make this the way I want.
13:52And you need to stop obsessing about the list.
13:55It's only a number.
13:55Then move me up once.
13:56That's not how the list works.
13:58You're only doing this because you get some sort of sick thrill out of making me feel small.
14:03That's it.
14:03I am done.
14:05You need to get a grip on yourself because I am not going to indulge with this stupidity anymore.
14:10What's that?
14:11It's just more party stuff like all the other party stuff.
14:14Huh.
14:18Do not make a thing about this.
14:22Booties?
14:23Little bunny booties?
14:26Little bunny baby booties for your little bunny baby grandchild?
14:31They were on sale and I can return them.
14:32I knew it was important to you.
14:34Go away!
14:35What's my number now, Mom?
14:36What's my number now?
14:39So, decapitation is back, back, up, high, kick, forward, down?
14:43No, that pulls their hearts out and stuffs it in their throats.
14:47You know, if you want, we can go somewhere decent instead.
14:50I don't care.
14:51Anywhere I go with you is the best place in the world.
14:55Dad, quit it.
14:57Oh, can you get my bag from the back?
14:59Sure.
15:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:04What the hell is this?
15:06Ow!
15:06What are you doing?
15:08Ow!
15:10Ow!
15:11Ow!
15:11Ow!
15:27I can't believe how much I've learned from you already, perfect Hal.
15:32I wish I was you.
15:34You still don't get it, regular Hal.
15:36I'm the you inside you.
15:39You have to start taking care of your own needs.
15:43Create space for the best, Hal, to grow and thrive.
15:48You have to let go of the people holding you back.
15:51People?
15:52Your family, Hal, and their constant demands.
15:56I love my family.
15:58They're termites nibbling away at your happiness.
16:02Stop the nibbling, Hal.
16:03Hal, they've got to go.
16:06Go where?
16:11You want me to kill them?
16:14New ideas can be challenging, and there's no growth without pain.
16:18But it doesn't have to be you feeling that pain.
16:24Oh, my God.
16:27You're not perfect, Hal.
16:29I was just dazzled by your socks.
16:32You're evil, Hal.
16:36Nothing but a gorgeous monster.
16:42Are you being ridiculous, Hal?
16:47You can't beat me.
16:50You can't beat me.
17:23You need to grow up, Hal.
17:27Hal, you spent your entire life pretending I didn't exist
17:31because you knew this would happen.
17:34So, what do you want to do first?
17:36I think we start small.
17:38Do the success builds on success thing.
17:43And how about the look?
17:45Let's go with darker colors, huh?
17:50I love you.
17:53What?
17:59I love you.
18:04You're terrified of me.
18:06No, I'm not.
18:09Well, there's nothing scary about you.
18:13I don't blame fear.
18:15He was trying his best, but hiding you away from me
18:18just made you seem more powerful than you are.
18:22I am powerful.
18:24No, you're needy and insubstantial and, well, delicate.
18:30Stop this!
18:31One tiny little tile of the mosaic of me.
18:35Oh, I have hundreds of different little Hal's inside me
18:39telling me things.
18:41That's why I'm so easily confused.
18:44No, no.
18:45You'll be okay.
18:46No.
18:46You'll have lots of little friends.
18:48Oh, there, there.
18:51I got you, buddy.
18:53Here.
18:56Congratulations, Hal.
18:57Oh.
18:58You vanquished the inner demon
18:59and cast off false duality.
19:02Well done.
19:03Bodhisattva Manjushri Kamara Buddha?
19:07Don't call me out about you now.
19:09How would I know who you are?
19:12I wouldn't know that.
19:13It's the collective unconscious.
19:15Young has a...
19:16It's boring.
19:17Don't worry about it.
19:18What's important is that you are now worthy
19:20of meeting your animal partner.
19:22They will be your guide, your mentor, and your guardian.
19:25Where?
19:27Ah!
19:29What is that?
19:33Can I get a wolf or a panther?
19:36No one chooses their animal partner.
19:38It chooses you.
19:39I mean, I have a 12-foot blue lion,
19:41but they're all great.
19:44It's leading you somewhere.
19:47But...
19:47Hey, I'm not making you do the mantras
19:49or contemplate the five skandas.
19:51I'm not making you achieve an inconceivable state
19:54without obstruction or form.
19:55We're cutting a lot of corners here,
19:57so just follow the rat.
20:15Rat friend.
20:36Huh?
20:43Huh?
20:44Huh?
20:45Huh?
20:47Huh?
21:11It's it.
21:13It's it.
21:14It's it.
21:15I get it.
21:18Yes.
21:22Okay, each of you, tell me again what you're doing tomorrow.
21:25Mom, come on.
21:26It's late.
21:26We're tired.
21:27We've gone over it.
21:28We know what our jobs are.
21:30Stop treating us like half-witted toddlers.
21:31This isn't about you doing your jobs.
21:33This is about managing my anxiety.
21:35I can't find your father.
21:37And they sent me pillar candles instead of taper candles.
21:40So now I have to shave them into the proper shape.
21:43And wax is not a forgiving idiom.
21:45I mean, look at this.
21:47That's too tapered.
21:50Obviously, I am losing it.
21:51So please, let's just do this and then you can go to sleep.
21:54Kelly.
21:55Blow up balloons.
21:56Then make sure the tables are completely set before I put out the favor bags.
21:59Yeah.
21:59Check the rentals against your list.
22:01Verify there are no scratches or dents before I give those crooks one red cent.
22:04Francesca.
22:05Make sure all 50 parking spaces are clear.
22:07Set up a separate supply area and signage for your signature cocktails, the Fuzzy Lois
22:11and the Halgarita.
22:13I'll keep working on the names.
22:17Halgarita.
22:20Hello.
22:21Hi, Grandma.
22:22It's Leah.
22:22I've got great news.
22:24We're coming to your party after all.
22:26Dad just changed his mind out of the blue.
22:28See you there.
22:29Please slow down.
22:30I promise I won't try to jump out again.
22:32It's 11 more hours to Grandma and Grandpa's.
22:35We're not slowing down.
22:36Oh, move a little that way.
22:38You're going to get blood on my dress.
22:40That dress is a really good color for you.
22:43And you're going to look amazing in your outfit.
22:45Like a hot 18 year old.
22:47This is insanity.
22:49You've committed an actual kidnapping.
22:52Does this mean we're back together?
22:54This is an intervention.
22:56You're addicted to being an idiot and we are helping you.
22:59You can't spend the rest of your life lying and hiding and denying your family even exists.
23:04It worked perfectly until they showed up.
23:06But, Dad, stop.
23:08Please, stop.
23:09You're not protecting me from your family drama.
23:12You're the one keeping it going.
23:14I'm trying to be a good father.
23:16I don't know.
23:17If I should know something and you keep it a secret, you aren't saving me.
23:23You're stealing from me.
23:25My choice, my self-respect, my trust in you.
23:30Daddy, I need all of those things.
23:35Oh, my God.
23:37You're right.
23:39You're completely right.
23:40I am so sorry.
23:44I should have told you.
23:47All this secrecy is just so toxic.
23:5412 years ago, I was arrested for attempted murder.
23:58Whoa.
23:58You what?
23:59I didn't think it was important to tell you until we were serious.
24:03And then with your whole political thing, I just didn't know how to bring it up.
24:07And it wasn't even murder.
24:08I mean, I totally got off.
24:10You tried to murder someone?
24:13My mom was dating this guy and one time he beat her up and I got him arrested.
24:18But all of his buddies were cops and he got out the next morning.
24:22He came straight to my apartment and kicked my door in and I shot him.
24:26You know how to shoot people, obviously.
24:30When the cops came, Jenna, my roommate, told them what happened, but all of his buddies believed him and I
24:35got arrested.
24:36Cops?
24:37Yeah.
24:38It took a couple of weeks for everyone to figure out the truth and dismiss the charges.
24:42And by the way, it took me a lot of work to finally get my arrest record sealed.
24:45Okay.
24:47But it did get in some newspapers.
24:50And all over the internet.
24:53Because I was naked when I shot him.
24:55In the balls.
24:58You cannot lose this woman.
25:01Wait.
25:03I remember.
25:05You're titty-titty bang bang!
25:15Drugs!
25:16Drugs!
25:17The party is tonight!
25:19Honey, I have great news!
25:21Just get in the car!
25:31You are not trying to beat me!
25:34I have the most amazing breakthrough!
25:37Not now.
25:37Carl, you still there?
25:38Yeah.
25:39You delivered the wrong projector.
25:41I specifically asked for 4K at 2700 lumens.
25:45You sent 2000 lumens at 1080p!
25:47What the hell are you talking about?
25:48I figured it out!
25:49No one realizes it, but I'm their birthday cake!
25:54Everyone can take slices of happiness from me whenever they want!
25:58And I never run out of slices!
26:00That's who I am!
26:01I'm an inexhaustible cake!
26:03You're not a cake!
26:04Carl!
26:05Yep!
26:05Here it is!
26:06Contract!
26:06Page 2, item 1063!
26:10I want the right projector, Carl!
26:12Honey, are you worried about that herd of buffalo coming up on your lap?
26:14Sweetheart, please.
26:15I'm busy.
26:15Okay, but they look kind of peevish.
26:22I'm sorry!
26:23You guys alright?
26:28Don't worry, honey.
26:29I'm establishing dominance.
26:33Honey?
26:34Yeah, no, baby.
26:38I don't know.
26:40Can you repeat my question?
26:43You're not the boss of me now!
26:46You're not the boss of me now!
26:48You're not the boss of me now!
26:50And you're not so big!
26:57Yeah!
27:03I don't know.
27:03No problem-
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