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Short filmTranscript
00:00:21Tensions were rising in the mobs of Little Italy, Brooklyn and Chinatown.
00:00:25They tried working together, but criminals can't be trusted.
00:00:34That's Al Capella, the real deal boss of Manhattan.
00:00:37Don't mess with him unless you collect horse heads.
00:00:40This guy's Amador Condimentum.
00:00:43He's the boss of Brooklyn, pedals in condiments.
00:00:47This is Chinatown's triad boss, Peng Fan.
00:00:50He speaks English, but when he wants you to feel small, it's all Chinese.
00:00:58Gentlemen!
00:01:01And then there's Sean O'Greedy, our crime commissioner, on the take.
00:01:05Everyone's corrupt in this town.
00:01:07A decade ago, we moved away from drugs and gambling to run oils and spices and herbs.
00:01:17We are the original crime syndicate, begun centuries ago by Marco Polo.
00:01:25We've made fortunes selling addictive flavors, holding shops and restaurants hostage, to bulk orders without discounts.
00:01:38Your gripes threaten everything.
00:01:41Look, Capella's passed his prime.
00:01:45He let the Chinese overtake Martin Mulberry Street.
00:01:49I'll run his territory.
00:01:51This is coming from a guy who's still stuck in his services.
00:01:54Look at that freaking alpha, would you? Look at his men.
00:01:56How dare you talk to me like that?
00:01:58You were nothing but a broken down fight promoter until I made you what you are.
00:02:02Ha!
00:02:02Sit down.
00:02:03Sit down?
00:02:04Sit down!
00:02:05Jason!
00:02:07I don't want your trouble.
00:02:09Get in my business.
00:02:11Watch your mouth.
00:02:12Who the hell are you talking to?
00:02:25What did he just say?
00:02:27My boss said greed is a powerful aphrodisiac.
00:02:31But when the feast is over, no one cares about the sauce.
00:02:35What does that mean? Nobody cares about the sauce.
00:02:40What does that mean?
00:02:41Means asshole.
00:02:43No, I know what it means.
00:02:45North the Canal Street, it means man who talk too much get killed.
00:02:48Watch your ass.
00:02:49Yeah, you sound like a Chinese fortune cookie.
00:02:52Am I right? Am I right?
00:02:56Forget about it.
00:02:58Careful, boys.
00:03:02Who the hell is he?
00:03:03Look at that freaking alpha, would you?
00:03:05Gentlemen, this is Tai Chu.
00:03:09Bless you.
00:03:09He's head of the Chinese family in Philly here to discuss business.
00:03:15What's in it for him?
00:03:17So hard by Jim.
00:03:19We will see.
00:03:21Back in the day, Chu and Fat fell out.
00:03:24Something about a gambling dad and a girl.
00:03:26That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:30That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:50That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:56I was the person of the army and ran on the left.
00:04:09That's a good job.
00:04:10That's quick.
00:04:10That's a terrible job.
00:04:11That's a special job.
00:04:11That's not good to be right.
00:04:12That's what he was.
00:04:13That's a wonderful job.
00:04:14That's a good job.
00:04:14That's a fantastic job.
00:04:15And I'm up for reelection.
00:04:17So, you better steady your relationships.
00:04:22If not, we're all ruined.
00:04:25The next commissioner will dismantle everything.
00:04:33Power.
00:04:36That's what appeals to me.
00:04:40Power.
00:05:02I want to know how I can start
00:05:07When love has always torn my heart
00:05:13But if I feel the storm begin
00:05:18My mind is of a force and I rush in
00:05:23To what I know will always be
00:05:29A trip through pain and ecstasy
00:05:35But when my blood begins to raise
00:05:40My adult trepidations all erase
00:05:45What if she's the one I say
00:05:52How can I let her get away
00:05:59I just can't go another day
00:06:05Without her by my side to stay
00:06:10I want to know
00:06:12If you could care
00:06:16For one who always would be there
00:06:22Do you know where wisdom and knowledge are?
00:06:26I want to know
00:06:27Makaya
00:06:43Yes, what is it that you are seeking?
00:06:46I seek advice from the all-knowing jade brothers
00:06:48Tell me, sir, I use the great sage knowledge
00:06:52I am wisdom
00:06:52That tell me there is knowledge
00:06:54Hmm, look
00:06:55I could really use some advice
00:06:58Does the dragon make the rain fall
00:07:00Without first breathing in
00:07:02The sweet smells of the incense?
00:07:05Little cha-ching
00:07:06Wisdom make cheap, you know
00:07:11Hey, that's for my new hip
00:07:13When I get it
00:07:14I'm going to put my foot
00:07:15In the confusion's grace
00:07:16Don't shine
00:07:17Guys
00:07:17A little focus
00:07:20Look, today everybody in the city thinks I'm a hero
00:07:23The girl of my dreams kissed me and I'm in love
00:07:25I knew I was good
00:07:26But I never worked this fast before
00:07:29Widow Chang said
00:07:30You're too fast
00:07:32That's not what your wife says
00:07:33She never had it so good
00:07:35What?
00:07:36Which wife?
00:07:37All of them
00:07:37Guys
00:07:38This is serious
00:07:41How could you be so sure?
00:07:44Look
00:07:45It wasn't easy growing up the eldest son
00:07:50It was my duty to bring great pride to my family
00:07:57But I just couldn't measure up
00:08:01Hold it, you look come free
00:08:02Hey, how much do we work over knowledge here?
00:08:06You mean to tell me the great jade brothers don't know the martial arts?
00:08:08Yeah
00:08:10Bermontain was my game
00:08:11Oh, sissy rackets and little birdies
00:08:14If you're not going to help, I want my money back
00:08:16Huh
00:08:17Does the forest take back its silence when the woodchuck farts?
00:08:22Look, the point is
00:08:24I never took to the whole Asian thing
00:08:27It was Italian culture that grabbed me
00:08:31Wait, Vincent, Vincent, you're not going to die
00:08:32What's wrong?
00:08:33I don't go home
00:08:34Even though I was raised in Chinatown
00:08:37I just felt like any other American kid in New York City
00:08:41A city where you can be anything you want
00:08:44Me, I wanted to be a wise guy
00:08:46They get respect
00:08:47And were my role models as a kid
00:08:49Vincent, you're a good guy
00:08:50Let's go
00:08:51No good
00:08:52You're talking to me?
00:08:53Forget about it
00:08:55You're a wise guy
00:08:56You're talking to me?
00:08:57Forget about it
00:08:59You're a wise guy
00:09:08Hey, Vincent
00:09:10You're talking to me?
00:09:12I call your name
00:09:14Who else will I be talking to?
00:09:16You're talking to me?
00:09:18I'm looking right at you
00:09:19You're talking to me?
00:09:21Hey, Vincent
00:09:21What are you?
00:09:22Huh?
00:09:22You sick or something?
00:09:24Huh?
00:09:24Forget about it
00:09:25Huh
00:09:26You have ear problem, huh?
00:09:29As you can see
00:09:29Executing the wise guy attitude
00:09:31Was going to take some time
00:09:32In fact, until last month
00:09:34I wasn't even close
00:09:36Now, my personal favorites
00:09:37Are these cream-filled
00:09:38And
00:09:39But for you
00:09:40I'm thinking
00:09:40Are you like a
00:09:41Egg tart kind of guy?
00:09:43Chocolate kind of guy
00:09:44Right up here
00:09:45We've got beans
00:09:48Oh, hey, Tina
00:09:49How are things?
00:09:51Hey, Miss Mary
00:09:52That's Tina
00:09:53Wow, right?
00:09:54She dates wise guys
00:09:55So I never really had a chance
00:09:57That and
00:09:58I always made a fool of myself
00:10:00Hold on
00:10:00Uh, Donnie
00:10:02Donnie
00:10:02Bring up the DePoca order
00:10:09You okay?
00:10:13What?
00:10:14I got something on my face?
00:10:17Whoa, Tina
00:10:19Donnie
00:10:19How are you?
00:10:21Oh, my God
00:10:22Good to see you
00:10:23Okay
00:10:23Hey, listen
00:10:24You, uh
00:10:25You like lobsters and shrimps?
00:10:26Yeah, sure
00:10:27How about I take you to the aquarium?
00:10:29We watch them run around a little
00:10:30That don't sound fun
00:10:32Let me take you out
00:10:34Donnie
00:10:35I told you a million times
00:10:36You're a nice guy
00:10:41Take a picture
00:10:42It lasts longer, okay?
00:10:49This all could be yours, baby
00:10:50This could be a future
00:10:54This could be a future
00:10:54Me, you, Miss Mary over here
00:10:57And all the lobster tails you could eat, baby
00:10:59Clean
00:11:01Can I get a bag, brother?
00:11:03This is home
00:11:04A five-story walk-up in Chinatown
00:11:06It's traditional Chinese
00:11:08Except for the lottery tickets on Buddha's lap
00:11:16Dad thinks vaping traditional herbs and reading yin and yang in the bedroom will keep enduro
00:11:21I think it's working
00:11:23Mom loves to cook and those are my two little brothers
00:11:25If you can believe it
00:11:31What is this, an opium den?
00:11:33Yeah, this stuff balances your yin with your yang
00:11:36You should try it sometimes, Vincent
00:11:38You're always unhappy
00:11:40That's a sign of imbalance
00:11:41My balance is just fine
00:11:46Doesn't seem like balance to me
00:11:47Not for nothing, Pop
00:11:49But you got Buddha, fortune cookies, lottery tickets, and buckwad atlas
00:11:53You work yourself ragged, but you never make it big
00:11:55That don't seem like balance to me
00:11:57You may be my number one son
00:11:59But I'm the giver of life here
00:12:02Forget about it
00:12:03Lobo, why does your son sound like one of those Mulberry Street Italians?
00:12:07If he doesn't want to be Chinese, how will you stop him?
00:12:13Joey's my best friend
00:12:15He's always looking out for me
00:12:16Your Godfather is one of the greatest films of all time
00:12:19Yeah, to have that kind of respect
00:12:21Yeah, that's real man
00:12:23That's pretty good, but I can get you guys
00:12:26Yo
00:12:28Let me get, uh
00:12:28What's up, guys?
00:12:29Get a couple spicy sausages and mustard
00:12:31And a couple of drinks
00:12:32Hey
00:12:36Be smart, kid
00:12:40Here you go, buddy, ten bucks
00:12:42Ten, ten
00:12:43A hundred?
00:12:44Yeah, here you go
00:12:45Well, that's a hundred, man
00:12:46I'll have change
00:12:46Keep it
00:12:47All right, thank you
00:12:48Get any, uh, tacos or enchiladas
00:12:52We got hot links and bone-in hot dogs
00:12:55What do you need?
00:12:56Right, all right
00:12:57A couple hot links
00:12:58A little mustard
00:12:59Uh, two sodas
00:13:00You got it
00:13:04Hey, you got this one, Don Vinny?
00:13:06Oh, here
00:13:07Hmm
00:13:08The presence of two real goodfellas
00:13:10Hey, there
00:13:11Mr. Pricer and Manhattan
00:13:12Need more than that
00:13:13Thank you
00:13:14What are you talking about?
00:13:15The mobs all over Manhattan
00:13:17Yeah
00:13:18Al Capella's been, sure
00:13:19But those were Condimento's Brooklyn boys
00:13:22And you know this because there's a Goomba Gazette?
00:13:25Nah
00:13:25My Uncle Eddie works for Condimento
00:13:29Is your uncle Fountain Soda Eddie?
00:13:31Yeah, you make sure all the syrups for the fountain soda machines are stacked
00:13:35After all these years, Joey Risotto
00:13:37You never thought to mention your uncle was the fountain soda?
00:13:39We're not allowed to talk about it
00:13:43There she is
00:13:45In all her heavenly glory
00:13:47You've known Tina since we was in school
00:13:49You didn't say nothing then, you won't know
00:13:51Forget about it
00:13:53She's my goddess, what can I say?
00:13:55Man up and ask her out
00:13:58All right, I've gotta go
00:14:00I'm gonna go to one of them bicycle classes
00:14:01Oh, good for you
00:14:03All right, love, I'll see you
00:14:04Bye
00:14:07Come on over here
00:14:08Huh?
00:14:12Hey Tina, how about we romance the Big Apple
00:14:14Just for you and I?
00:14:16Not a chance
00:14:18Not even a maybe?
00:14:19First, you need a bib
00:14:22And B, you ain't got no car, no connections, no nothing
00:14:25A girl's gotta secure her future
00:14:27And when you can understand that, maybe you could get a girl like me
00:14:32That's what I'm talking about
00:14:35Follow me
00:14:37How women resist you, I'll never know
00:14:40Help me out
00:14:41What do you want me to do about it? She's a lost cause
00:14:44Introduce me to your uncle
00:14:45Then, in case you haven't noticed
00:14:49You're not Italian
00:14:50And not for nothing
00:14:51It's a real dangerous life, forget about it
00:14:54Yeah, forget about it
00:14:55Too much trouble for a girl anyway
00:14:58Forget about the girl?
00:15:00Have you lost your mind?
00:15:02You must always pursue the girl
00:15:05Ha!
00:15:06You never...pursue the girl in your life
00:15:10Call girls maybe
00:15:12Would you two quit it and let me finish the story?
00:15:15So?
00:15:20Vincent
00:15:21Don't worry about it
00:15:22Don't worry about it
00:15:23Don't worry about it
00:15:24Don't worry about it
00:15:25Don't worry about it
00:15:27Don't worry about it
00:15:27I'm trying my best, you fool
00:15:33Good job, man
00:15:37If you spend more time in the Kong with us
00:15:39You could have easily won
00:15:41Do...
00:15:47Do...
00:15:48Vincent
00:15:49You are your master
00:15:51But don't you use it
00:15:52Don't work
00:15:53You have good skills
00:15:54You need to create new skills
00:15:55You can see the changes
00:15:56I get it
00:15:57It's for self defense
00:15:59But...
00:15:59Practice and for mastery
00:16:01What's the point, Zifu?
00:16:02This art is part of who we are.
00:16:05It connects us to our ancestors and culture.
00:16:08Kung Fu builds character.
00:16:11Gei-lick, nai-sum, gai-lick.
00:16:14It all starts from the moon.
00:16:17You must do this to force your spirit.
00:16:20And it's a lot of fun.
00:16:21Especially when I get to be that woman himself.
00:16:24Embrace Kung Fu.
00:16:26See the change.
00:16:29You've been practicing forever, Sifu.
00:16:31Doing the same thing every day.
00:16:35Is this life really good enough?
00:16:38More than enough.
00:16:40When you've done it, you'll see the change on you.
00:16:46Drink tea.
00:16:59Yeah.
00:17:00That's what we got on this thing.
00:17:01Oh, okay.
00:17:02Oh, I see the mango.
00:17:04Yeah, it's on the thing.
00:17:05It's on the paper.
00:17:06Hey, Vincent.
00:17:07Wait for the jade stock.
00:17:09Hmm?
00:17:10I got so much stuff that's good for that, you little horned dog.
00:17:13Yeah.
00:17:14It'll fill your pecker like a balloon.
00:17:16Yeah.
00:17:16I'll bring me an extra ten boxes next week.
00:17:18Which I need like the green tea.
00:17:20And I got avocados on special.
00:17:21Huh?
00:17:22They're good for the dopamine.
00:17:23Come on, man.
00:17:24Do your job.
00:17:26Why don't you show one of those bananas where the sun don't shine?
00:17:28I'm helping you out.
00:17:30Easy, easy.
00:17:36Oh, hey.
00:17:37You're useless, little man.
00:17:38Hey, hey.
00:17:39Listen, my produce.
00:17:40Help me get my produce.
00:17:41Wait.
00:17:43Hey.
00:17:44What is it?
00:17:45Help me.
00:17:45What are you doing?
00:17:46Come.
00:17:46I'd had it.
00:17:47It was time to join the mob, to get some respect, and get the girl.
00:17:51So I crossed Canal Street from Chinatown into Little Italy in search of my destiny.
00:17:57I stumbled onto the two goodfellas from the hot dog cart.
00:18:00It looked like they were in the middle of a territory scuffle.
00:18:03You should be ashamed of yourself to wear your oregano smells.
00:18:06It tastes like sweat.
00:18:08He's right.
00:18:08It does.
00:18:09Listen to me.
00:18:10You tell Condimento that Al Capella's got a message for him.
00:18:13What was that message again?
00:18:15The message is you don't sell a dash, a pinch, a shaker of your oregano.
00:18:19You hear me?
00:18:20You tell Mr. Condominium over there, you tell him we find out he sells even a sprinkle of
00:18:24that crap you guys are selling anywhere in this neighborhood.
00:18:27He's gonna have to answer to Mr. Capella.
00:18:29Capiche?
00:18:29It's now or never.
00:18:31Time to fulfill my destiny.
00:18:36Take that.
00:18:39Hey, help me.
00:18:45Want some mustard with that?
00:18:47Someone get some mustard for the swine-cutting bitch.
00:18:49Who?
00:18:50Who are you?
00:18:51Who interferes in the family business?
00:18:54A man asked you a question.
00:18:56I'm Vinnie Chow.
00:18:57Proving myself mob-worthy.
00:18:59Mob-worthy?
00:19:00Shall we whack him?
00:19:01No, no.
00:19:02We'll bring him in.
00:19:03Grab him.
00:19:04Come on.
00:19:05You come with us.
00:19:10What?
00:19:11Come on.
00:19:11Let's take him upstairs to see the boss.
00:19:14What's everybody looking at him?
00:19:15Shut up.
00:19:15Keep walking.
00:19:19Here.
00:19:19You just get the money.
00:19:21I don't care where he is.
00:19:22You find him.
00:19:22I'll bring him down here.
00:19:23I want every penny he owes me.
00:19:25You understand?
00:19:26This is bull crap.
00:19:27Al.
00:19:28Al.
00:19:28I got to go now.
00:19:30Just do what I told you.
00:19:32Yeah, what's up, Frankie Browse?
00:19:34Well, we took care of Vito and Luigi.
00:19:35Sent a clear message to Condimento.
00:19:37That's for sure.
00:19:38That's good.
00:19:39But there's something else.
00:19:40We got a little bit of a situation, boss.
00:19:42What's that?
00:19:43Ah, you'll see.
00:19:44Bring him in.
00:19:46We brought you a Chinatown special.
00:19:48Oh, the Moogoo guy pan.
00:19:49I love those little round pancakes.
00:19:51That dish with the little pancakes.
00:19:52That's Mushu, not Moogoo.
00:19:53Get your hands off, then.
00:19:55Mushu, Moogoo.
00:19:56Screw you.
00:19:57They're no freaking raviolis, but I love those little round fluffy things with the bump
00:20:01on the top like that.
00:20:03So nobody brought me takeout.
00:20:04No, no, no.
00:20:05Like I was saying, you were sending a message out to Condimento.
00:20:08And then out of nowhere, this ninja shows up and starts dropping a one-two on Vito and
00:20:11Luigi, and I gotta tell you, it was a beautiful thing.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:14He starts shoving red hot pepper flakes down Vito's throat.
00:20:18I mean, the poor guy had tears in his eyes.
00:20:21I did it for you, Don Capella.
00:20:23You mean to tell me you three idiots couldn't take care of two jerk-offs from Brooklyn on
00:20:27your own?
00:20:28Idiots.
00:20:28Excuse me, boss, but with all due respect, I think we handled this thing just fine.
00:20:33We can't have the fine citizens of the Lutli thinking we need help from the Chinese.
00:20:37You know what I'm talking about?
00:20:39No, we can't.
00:20:40That's why we brought them in.
00:20:41All right.
00:20:41Forget that.
00:20:42I'm hungry.
00:20:43Order me the Chinese pancakes with the scallions and the sauce on it.
00:20:47And charge it to Spezia.
00:20:49He owes me a lot of money.
00:20:51Yeah, why don't you two go find something else to do, huh?
00:20:54You, kid.
00:20:55Take a seat.
00:20:59All right, listen.
00:21:00What do you want from me, huh?
00:21:02While I'm in a good mood, talk to me.
00:21:04It all started when I was a kid, you see.
00:21:06You got three seconds, huh?
00:21:07I want to join the family and become a wise guy.
00:21:10What's to join the family and go?
00:21:11You ain't even Italian.
00:21:13I'm doing the best I can.
00:21:16He's got big balls, this kid.
00:21:18You don't join this here.
00:21:20I induct you into it.
00:21:21It's a special thing.
00:21:22And once I induct you, I give you an offer you can't refuse.
00:21:27Sure, I've seen the movies.
00:21:29You've seen the movies?
00:21:30This ain't the movies.
00:21:30There's no Chinese wise guys in movies.
00:21:33No.
00:21:34I had enough of you, kid.
00:21:36You keep sticking your nose in my business where it don't belong,
00:21:39and I'm not going to put you on a slow boat to China.
00:21:42I'm going to put you under one.
00:21:43Gabish, get him out of here.
00:21:47Come on, let's go.
00:21:47Come on.
00:21:47Take a walk.
00:21:48He's not kidding.
00:21:49Come on, let's go.
00:21:56And stay out!
00:21:58Going straight to the top was an epic fail,
00:22:00but I wasn't giving up.
00:22:03There had to be another way for a Chinese guy to get started in the mafia.
00:22:16Listen to me.
00:22:17Yeah, what?
00:22:18Take it easy.
00:22:19Okay?
00:22:19Get up those steps.
00:22:20What do we have to go in here for?
00:22:22Get up those steps.
00:22:23Okay?
00:22:23What do you have to go here for?
00:22:24You know what you're going here for.
00:22:25In here?
00:22:27Where do you want to go?
00:22:28Get in.
00:22:35Let's go.
00:22:36Get in the ring.
00:22:37We'll straighten you out.
00:22:38What do you mean?
00:22:39What do you mean, straighten me out?
00:22:40Come on.
00:22:41Come on.
00:22:42Put these gloves on.
00:22:44Box around with little Johnny.
00:22:47Little Johnny.
00:22:47They call him the Masher.
00:22:50Wait a minute.
00:22:51Bring them to me.
00:22:54Today's your lucky day.
00:22:55Richie, get everybody out.
00:22:58Later, Jimmy.
00:23:02So, my sources told me Capella's been moving product into Brooklyn.
00:23:07Capella's man, Frankie Brow has been messing with my clerks,
00:23:11forcing him to buy his grated cheese.
00:23:14Yeah?
00:23:14What would your boys do?
00:23:16They're just boys.
00:23:17What could they do?
00:23:18You made them sign the order.
00:23:20And no bulk this town.
00:23:23I sell the grated cheese and the garlic powder around in Brooklyn.
00:23:27You don't buy nothing from that Manhattan wannabe.
00:23:30Get them out of here.
00:23:31Come on.
00:23:32Come on.
00:23:32Get up.
00:23:32Get out.
00:23:33Let's go.
00:23:34Come on.
00:23:35Look at these two wannabes and their fake bruises.
00:23:37You two guys are pathetic.
00:23:40Too scared to say what really happened.
00:23:42Not for nothing, boss.
00:23:43We were doing good until a dozen ninjas attacked us.
00:23:46Ninjas?
00:23:47Yeah, boss.
00:23:47They, like, they came out of the shadows.
00:23:49Capella must have made a deal with that hunk fat.
00:23:52The Italian and the Chinese working together.
00:23:55You know?
00:23:55It's unprecedented, but not impossible given the tensions between the Italians.
00:24:00What are we gonna do, boss?
00:24:01Well, we got hundreds of olive oil cans around.
00:24:05Maybe we put them all over Chinatown.
00:24:07Oh, olive oil's Capella's racking.
00:24:09Right.
00:24:09The Chinese don't buy Italian.
00:24:11We need an inside man.
00:24:13Someone expendable.
00:24:14I'm proud to go to war with Capella.
00:24:16Exactly.
00:24:16And while they're knocking each other off, we're gonna move right in.
00:24:19Hey.
00:24:20We need an Italian that looks a little Chinese.
00:24:22Kinda like a crossover.
00:24:23That's a good idea.
00:24:25Go see who you can see.
00:24:26Who are we gonna trust, boss?
00:24:28It's not about who we can trust.
00:24:30It's about who's dumb enough to do it.
00:24:35The highly effective maid guy instills fear through intimidation and allows no one to refuse him.
00:24:41He lets his will be known, but until a maid guy can say deeply and honestly,
00:24:48I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,
00:24:51he cannot say, I've chosen the path of the maid guy.
00:25:10There's O'Greedy sneaking into Yamcha Tong, Hung Fat's Triad Headquarters in the back of a restaurant.
00:25:17This guy's playing all sides.
00:25:22You come here, get us in trouble.
00:25:28The damn Italians can't work themselves out.
00:25:32The numbers are down and they're bringing attention to the operation.
00:25:36What is your pain?
00:25:37We partner to push out the Italians, keep the profits, and the provolone.
00:25:45And what do you want?
00:25:48Enough cash to bribe some officials, and you to find a way to get your products into Little Italy and
00:25:53Brooklyn.
00:25:57Okay.
00:26:01Ming!
00:26:03Money!
00:26:09No?
00:26:17Thanks a lot.
00:26:24Me and you.
00:26:25Okay.
00:26:26Us.
00:26:27Together.
00:26:28What more could a girl want?
00:26:31Power, fame, fortune.
00:26:33And I'm working up.
00:26:34I told you.
00:26:35You're working up.
00:26:35You always say you're working up.
00:26:36You're not even working.
00:26:37Look at the car, Tina.
00:26:39Look at the car.
00:26:39Look at the car.
00:26:40I feel like it's a rental.
00:26:41Mom, get out of here.
00:26:42Tina doll.
00:26:43I've come for you.
00:26:44Hey, get your stinking hands off my car.
00:26:46I'm talking over here.
00:26:48Hey.
00:26:48I'm Vinnie Chow, independent associate.
00:26:51Uh, ain't you the guy who was trying to pick me up with a hot link?
00:26:54Uh, no.
00:26:55Yeah.
00:26:56I'm pretty sure that was you.
00:26:57Uh, we all look alike.
00:26:58That's true.
00:27:00Are you sure?
00:27:02I said we're busy.
00:27:04Now scram.
00:27:05Hey, don't interfere with family business.
00:27:08I'm working for Al Capella.
00:27:10Oh, well, hold on.
00:27:12You're working for Mr. Al Capella?
00:27:14Well, I'm not working for Al Capella.
00:27:16Well, I'm not working for Al Capella.
00:27:19Ha, ha.
00:27:20Yeah.
00:27:21Are you even Italian?
00:27:23You, you talking to me?
00:27:24Now get out of here.
00:27:26Tina, get in the car.
00:27:27Hold on.
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:29A girl could get far with a guy connected to the Don.
00:27:32I'm gonna go shake down a deli.
00:27:33You're coming with me.
00:27:35See you around, Rocco.
00:27:36Tina, get in the car.
00:27:38Tina, forget about it.
00:27:42Hey, kid.
00:27:43Don't you know drinking all that soda's bad for you?
00:27:46Yeah, my grandfather lived to be 80.
00:27:49Did he drink a lot of soda?
00:27:50No, he minded his own business.
00:27:52Oh, you little wise guy.
00:27:53Hey, get out of here.
00:27:54Hey, get over you little.
00:27:55Hit the road.
00:27:56Next.
00:27:58Reagan-o.
00:27:59$3.99.
00:28:00He's crazy.
00:28:01And it stinks.
00:28:16What are you doing, Vin?
00:28:18You know, you gotta watch what you eat these days.
00:28:21It's dry pasta.
00:28:23Those hydrogenated oils and trans fats.
00:28:27Forget about it.
00:28:28Sure.
00:28:30Whatever.
00:28:31Now go demand some money so you can take me shopping.
00:28:33And then maybe I'll take you somewhere.
00:28:40Do something or I'm leaving.
00:28:41Maybe I could still catch Rocco.
00:28:51Hey, are you Salami?
00:28:54For Christ's sake, I'm counting money here.
00:28:56Hey, what a lovely couple.
00:28:58You like 69?
00:29:00I love beef and broccoli.
00:29:03I'm Vinny Chow, independent associate of Al Capella.
00:29:07I'm here to collect 300 large.
00:29:09I'm 300 large.
00:29:10Vinny Chow, what kind of name is that?
00:29:12I never heard of no Chinese with an Italian name.
00:29:15Just because someone looks a certain way.
00:29:17Vinny, give me a break, you.
00:29:19I'm here to collect.
00:29:20You don't pay, I gotta get rough.
00:29:23You're not even Italian.
00:29:24All right, I'll tell you what.
00:29:25Get anything you want, and I'll give you 30% off.
00:29:29You offering me a discount?
00:29:30I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:32You offering me a discount.
00:29:34Are you hard of hearing?
00:29:35I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:37I'm here shaking you down, and you want me to spend my money here.
00:29:41That's my one and only offer.
00:29:43Try the veal, I'm here all week.
00:29:45Next!
00:29:46Oh, buddy.
00:29:47Your glasses are thicker than my provolone.
00:29:50Get out of here!
00:29:51All right.
00:29:52I'll take a pound of provolone.
00:29:54Coming right up.
00:29:56That's how you do business at Salami's Deli.
00:29:59You're not very good at this, Vin.
00:30:01Why do I need to explain this?
00:30:03Uh, because I'm holding groceries and you borrowed 20 bucks from me.
00:30:06Well, you let me handle the finances.
00:30:09Oh, you ain't gonna be handling nothing if you keep this up.
00:30:16Hey, Ma.
00:30:17We brought you some things.
00:30:19Did you go to Salami's today?
00:30:21Who's gotta ask me this?
00:30:22What?
00:30:24It was 30 off today.
00:30:28Oh, sorry.
00:30:30Thank you for bringing the stuff over.
00:30:43Come on,andro.
00:30:47Get in the car!
00:30:48I said get in the car!
00:30:54Get in the car, moron!
00:30:56Get up!
00:30:57Come here!
00:30:58Get up!
00:31:00You sit down!
00:31:04Look at this.
00:31:08Look at me, you.
00:31:09You think this is a big joke, huh?
00:31:11No, it's no joke.
00:31:12This is kind of funny, though, am I right?
00:31:14Oh, yeah? You think what I do is funny?
00:31:16Or maybe you think I'm funny. Funny how?
00:31:18What? No, I...
00:31:20I know what it is, you little rat.
00:31:22You think you're the godfather.
00:31:23Or maybe you think you're the freaking Pope of Greenwich Village, huh?
00:31:26I'm just trying to prove myself mob-worthy.
00:31:28This ain't the Sopranos, kid.
00:31:30I don't care what you do on the other side of Canal Street,
00:31:32but over here, nobody messes with Al Capello.
00:31:35I had enough of you. Get the bats.
00:31:37With pleasure.
00:31:38Please.
00:31:40No, no, no, no. That, that, that, that.
00:31:42Get the wax.
00:31:44Not that one. No, not that one either.
00:31:47Cheese. You want to hit him with cheese?
00:31:49That's too expensive.
00:31:51That's the one.
00:31:52Crack him.
00:31:53Oh, jeez.
00:31:54Oh!
00:31:59All right, that's enough.
00:32:02Now get him out of here.
00:32:03Ay-ya.
00:32:04Why do you pursue them?
00:32:06Where's the motivation?
00:32:08Every child wants to feel special.
00:32:11My parents with all their offspring.
00:32:14But I saw maid guys getting attention and respect.
00:32:17Your family never rejected you.
00:32:21And Mei is there for you.
00:32:23No wise guy ever had a Chinese girl on his arm.
00:32:27You are disturbed in so many ways.
00:32:32So, what about your wounds?
00:32:35I went to ask my master for help.
00:32:38Ah, of course you did.
00:32:42I knew Sifu would fix me up without all the questions.
00:32:45What happened?
00:32:46I was admiring the majestic cherry blossoms when my bike flipped.
00:32:51If you were to ride up your kung fu, it won't be happening.
00:32:56Ah.
00:32:58Well, you understand you're you.
00:32:59That's all I'm asking.
00:33:01He taught me about body pulchments used to heal or hurt someone.
00:33:30Now rest.
00:33:37Vincent!
00:33:38I have to stay.
00:33:40It's difficult.
00:33:41I came as soon as I could.
00:33:44I got something to do with frosting.
00:33:46It steals me.
00:33:49What happened?
00:33:50Follow the bike!
00:33:53You don't have a bike.
00:33:57Ice cream?
00:34:12I wanted to get the best jade bracelet for my girl.
00:34:16And Ting's was just the place.
00:34:32Best place for Chinese ice cream.
00:34:34They have lychee with red beans,
00:34:36and sweet and sour sauce,
00:34:38and no MSG.
00:34:40Now I look like an asshole.
00:34:43Why?
00:34:43I didn't open the door.
00:34:45It's alright.
00:34:46I can buy you ice cream.
00:34:56Go knock, Valerie. Exciting.
00:34:59I know.
00:35:01The opening is in a week.
00:35:03Would you go with me?
00:35:05Sure.
00:35:07Promise?
00:35:08You did all these?
00:35:11Yup. All of them.
00:35:13You're really talented.
00:35:16Thank you for noticing.
00:35:19You have so many admirers.
00:35:20Why aren't you dating?
00:35:23I guess I just had my heart set on one special guy
00:35:26for as long as I can remember.
00:35:29You know how you feel, May.
00:35:34Vincent, I...
00:35:34No matter how hard I try,
00:35:36I just can't get Tina to fall for me.
00:35:41Have you tried to be yourself, Vincent?
00:35:44I mean, why try to be like others?
00:35:47You're perfect as you are.
00:35:49I don't expect you to understand.
00:35:53To understand you can live Italian when you're Chinese?
00:35:56Did not acting Chinese stop Warner Olin from being Charlie Chan?
00:35:59He was acting for television, playing a stereotype.
00:36:02Like you're doing right now
00:36:03because you think a certain kind of girl will like you.
00:36:06It's not real.
00:36:08You pretend to be nice, May.
00:36:10You're judgmental like the rest.
00:36:12Vincent, I would never...
00:36:13I need some air.
00:36:16I'm gonna have lunch with Joey anyway.
00:36:19Please don't go.
00:36:21Men at some time are masters of their fates.
00:36:24The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
00:36:28but in ourselves that we are underlings.
00:36:37Well, thank you, my darlings.
00:36:39Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:36:41Wait, who has the flyers for the show?
00:36:52My mom says hi, and this is for you.
00:36:56Oh, I love me some Mexican.
00:36:59Afternoon, Joseph.
00:37:00What's going on, Lawrence?
00:37:02Oh, you look horrendous.
00:37:05And you look like you could use some stress relief.
00:37:09Here.
00:37:10Let me get those shoulders.
00:37:13Hey, Lawrence.
00:37:14Oh, it's never easy, is it?
00:37:18Anyway, here are some flyers for our new production of Julius Caesar.
00:37:22Come down to the playhouse and play with us sometime.
00:37:25Asians don't look good in tights.
00:37:27Yeah?
00:37:28Says you, Lord.
00:37:31Those bags under your eyes are bigger than a queen's purse.
00:37:35I am offended by this.
00:37:37Blech.
00:37:37Do yourself and me a favor and apply some Preparation H.
00:37:42His eyes are swollen, not his ass.
00:37:46It constricts swollen tissues, sweetie.
00:37:48Oh, um, do you mind taping these to the tops of pizza boxes so they go out with deliveries?
00:37:53Yeah, put a snack over there.
00:37:54Ah, you are dull.
00:37:57Okay.
00:37:57I take my leave of you.
00:37:59I will see you Saturday at brunch.
00:38:00Yeah, forget about it.
00:38:02Okay, bye.
00:38:02Yeah.
00:38:03What's with you anyway, man?
00:38:04I'm just feeling down.
00:38:06Maroon.
00:38:08You didn't expect to do what you did and not get roughed up, did you?
00:38:11I mean, trying to extort a pound of provolone on Capella's corner?
00:38:14Yeah, I was doing it for Tina.
00:38:17Anyways, May and I had a fight.
00:38:19Well, whatever it is, she's probably right.
00:38:21The people close to you don't like to see you get hurt.
00:38:24No.
00:38:25Put a word in with your uncle.
00:38:27If Capella won't take me, maybe condimental will?
00:38:35That's a big request.
00:38:37I know.
00:38:38If it backfires, it'll break your legs, but that's what friends do, right?
00:38:42Wait.
00:38:46All right.
00:38:48I can talk for them.
00:39:02Hung Fat had the idea of relabeling ramen noodles as Marco Polo pasta and moving them into Little Italy.
00:39:18Come on.
00:39:20Let's go.
00:39:23If you got it, what's up?
00:39:31Let's go.
00:39:34Let's go.
00:39:36Let's go.
00:39:39Come on.
00:39:41Let's go.
00:39:42The Italians stole our noodles.
00:39:50Call it spaghetti.
00:39:52We must steal it back.
00:39:54Japanese ramen.
00:39:57Why not Chinese noodles?
00:40:00You're not sure.
00:40:01We certainly have to respect our Chinese products.
00:40:05So we have to use Japanese ramen to deceive them.
00:40:09Right?
00:40:13Stupid fool.
00:40:15We must respect our noodles.
00:40:17We use Japanese to fool Italians.
00:40:25That might work for a while,
00:40:28but we'll need a better plan to ruin them.
00:40:32I want all their territory.
00:40:35All of it.
00:40:36Everything is good.
00:40:38Our trucks are ready to deliver first thing tomorrow.
00:40:41I've got men in place to arrest the Italians
00:40:43if they start trouble,
00:40:45disturbing the peace and all that.
00:40:48New York will be always, hmm?
00:40:59Well, my master is here.
00:41:00Hold on.
00:41:09If his plan backfires,
00:41:12there's going to be big trouble in Little Chinatown.
00:41:16So Hung Fat called on its top masters
00:41:18and their disciples for backup.
00:41:43There's a rapid pretty big level.
00:41:44Really to destroy the clone's ship.
00:41:45Vol Division chitarts.
00:41:47And then they scare the faction.
00:41:52Full farm away.
00:41:53After allaence.
00:41:55Cool.
00:42:00There's no one.
00:42:00Let's go.
00:42:40Thoms, don't hit that.
00:43:14Thoms, don't hit that.
00:43:17Thoms, don't hit that.
00:43:25Ten.
00:43:26Well, you only want ten, but we got you in for twenty.
00:43:29Oh, you're a beautiful thing.
00:43:30And Capella thinks he's in for a bigger five percent, and that's it for him.
00:43:34You did the right thing.
00:43:35You made the right decision, you know, I had my doubts about you.
00:43:37But you did good, you know, right?
00:43:38Listen, I hope so.
00:43:40All right, we'll talk later.
00:43:41I'll spend it.
00:43:41All right, you take care.
00:43:42All right, goodbye.
00:43:43Oh, yeah, like an animal over there, huh?
00:43:47Like a man, like a man.
00:43:50This horse.
00:43:51You see this guy, JoJo?
00:43:53He used to work for Capella.
00:43:55Now he's with us. He understands.
00:43:57He may understand, but does he remember?
00:44:00And where are my two leaders?
00:44:03Understanding is not enough.
00:44:05You need to control him.
00:44:09I control him.
00:44:10You see how much he shows me respect?
00:44:12That's reactionary.
00:44:13If you're gonna win this war, you need to be proactive.
00:44:17Start moving product into new territory.
00:44:21Slash the tires of your competition
00:44:23and take over their routes.
00:44:25I'm doing everything you want me to do,
00:44:27but I need more insurances.
00:44:29I'll make sure you men don't get arrested.
00:44:31You gotta up the effort.
00:44:38That was weird.
00:44:40Tell me, huh?
00:44:41Do me a favor.
00:44:42Go to the pharmacy.
00:44:43Pick me up some meds, huh?
00:44:45And some extra strength, little blue pills.
00:44:47Blue pills.
00:44:49Hey, what do you have a problem with your pipes and your equipment?
00:44:52But, Fongool, it's my 25-year-old girlfriend
00:44:54and those fried empanadas.
00:44:56I can't resist either.
00:44:58Why don't you try these?
00:45:00They work for me.
00:45:08Hey, yeah.
00:45:10Yeah, how you doing, Joey?
00:45:12How's your mom?
00:45:13Good, good.
00:45:14Yeah, yeah.
00:45:15Shoot.
00:45:16Oh, really?
00:45:19All right, I'll see what I can do.
00:45:21What's that?
00:45:22You got that look.
00:45:25That was my nephew.
00:45:26You won't believe what he just asked me.
00:45:28It's like a miracle from the Lord.
00:45:30How is that?
00:45:31He's got this friend who's got that specific look we were talking about.
00:45:35He wants a job.
00:45:37Why don't you ask the guy to meet us at the diner?
00:45:39I'll be in the back listening in.
00:45:40Okay?
00:45:47Joey, thank you so much for talking to your uncle for me.
00:45:50It's okay.
00:45:51He said he had a, uh, a dangerous job for a unique type of individual.
00:45:55Dangerous?
00:45:56You want this or not?
00:45:59Yeah, you have.
00:46:09That guy don't give up.
00:46:14All right, we got a lemon lime, we got a cherry, and we got a regular.
00:46:20Anything else?
00:46:23Never grab another man's beverage.
00:46:28It appears that you, Mr. Chow, are uniquely qualified for a very special job.
00:46:34Thank you, Uncle Eddie.
00:46:35May I call you uncle?
00:46:37No, you may not.
00:46:39No, of course not.
00:46:40Uh, Mrs. Soda.
00:46:48Hey, pay attention over here.
00:46:50Hey!
00:46:51You don't snap at me.
00:46:53Look, you got this or what?
00:46:56Cause I gotta go.
00:46:59Be at my place at 7 o'clock tonight.
00:47:01Bring us dinner.
00:47:02Do me a favor, Tina.
00:47:03Don't be late.
00:47:05Okay?
00:47:11You are not going over there.
00:47:13What can a girl do?
00:47:14It's slim pickings around here.
00:47:15Well, it depends on what you're looking for.
00:47:18Every girl deserves a man willing to build a life together.
00:47:21I think you should know that this job presents a unique challenge.
00:47:25It is very dangerous.
00:47:27Do we understand?
00:47:28Vinny's up for any challenge.
00:47:30When we're together, you don't speak unless I tell you.
00:47:34Do you understand?
00:47:42Yeah.
00:47:44Okay.
00:47:46Okay, Don Contimento wants to talk to you personally.
00:47:50I'm gonna take you back to scene.
00:47:51Okay?
00:47:53Listen.
00:47:55You act cool and you don't make a scene.
00:47:57We don't want any undue attention.
00:47:58Do we understand?
00:48:00Yeah.
00:48:01Of course, for sure.
00:48:10What's wrong with you?
00:48:11I told you to be cool.
00:48:13You wrinkled my jacket.
00:48:15Sorry, I didn't know take you to the back meant one booth.
00:48:20Come on, get in there, the two of you.
00:48:22Sit down.
00:48:27Move over.
00:48:28Come on.
00:48:31I understand you're looking for a job with the family.
00:48:35I understand you're willing to do what it takes to earn a position in the family.
00:48:40I understand that you don't ask questions.
00:48:44Yes, Mr. Contimento.
00:48:45No, no, no.
00:48:46You don't talk to me.
00:48:47In fact, you never met me.
00:48:51If you got something to say, you say to Eddie here.
00:48:55Please tell Mr. Contimento I said yes, sir.
00:48:58You will distribute 300 gallons of olive oil in Chinatown.
00:49:02Clean and simple.
00:49:04This is unorthodox.
00:49:06Never been done.
00:49:07And you don't mess up.
00:49:08Or you will face serious consequences.
00:49:12Serious consequences for you and your family.
00:49:14Do we understand?
00:49:17Yes.
00:49:18You won't regret this.
00:49:19You don't talk to nobody.
00:49:21Nobody.
00:49:22About this arrangement.
00:49:24Huh?
00:49:25Do we understand?
00:49:27Enough with this do we understand.
00:49:29I think he understands.
00:49:31Sorry, boss.
00:49:31You know how I get when I don't have my soda.
00:49:34Do we understand?
00:49:38All right, leave now.
00:49:39Come on.
00:49:39Get out of here.
00:49:50I think that went really well.
00:49:52Yeah?
00:49:59You know, I think we just found someone stupid enough to do this.
00:50:05I think we did.
00:50:07You gotta watch all that sugar.
00:50:09You're gonna catch the diabetes.
00:50:12Use protection.
00:50:16It's like a four skippers coming in.
00:50:18Still, one of them I think is working for condimental.
00:50:20We gotta find out who it is.
00:50:25All right, well, I gotta get going, boss.
00:50:27You ain't going nowhere.
00:50:28Sit down.
00:50:29Why?
00:50:29What's up?
00:50:31You might have to make funeral arrangements for somebody.
00:50:35Funeral arrangements?
00:50:35For who?
00:50:36Who died?
00:50:44I don't know yet.
00:50:47Look at me.
00:50:53Look at me.
00:50:59What I gotta deal with.
00:51:03What are you looking away for?
00:51:05Al.
00:51:07Can you let me off the hook, please?
00:51:09For old time's sake.
00:51:11Joe Joe.
00:51:13I love you.
00:51:20God bless you, pal.
00:51:26I love you, pal.
00:51:36Things good, huh?
00:51:38Did you get the message?
00:51:45I just had the greatest day.
00:51:48May, I'm sorry about yesterday.
00:51:50I just was a little anxious about things.
00:51:53Tell us about your day.
00:51:54Yes.
00:51:55Where have you been, Vincent?
00:51:57You're supposed to be here at noon to watch your siblings.
00:52:00I had a job interview.
00:52:02An interview?
00:52:04What position?
00:52:06Delivering olive oil.
00:52:08Italian olive oil, huh?
00:52:10How much do they pay you?
00:52:13It's a trial period.
00:52:15Forget about it.
00:52:16Oh, boy.
00:52:17Did you hear this?
00:52:18The Italians are making slave labor of the stupid among us.
00:52:23Oh, Lord.
00:52:24I'm dying over here.
00:52:26What happened to your Chinese accent, Vincent?
00:52:28I was raised in New York, Ma.
00:52:30I never had a Chinese accent.
00:52:31You too much spaghetti when he's out.
00:52:34Vincent, my gal is in a couple of days.
00:52:37Promise to escort me?
00:52:40I'll be there, Mayor.
00:52:41I promise.
00:52:42Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a really big day tomorrow.
00:52:47When he comes around, the world will finally make sense.
00:52:52Ah.
00:52:53We only wish the best for Vincent.
00:52:56But why you wait for him is a great mystery.
00:53:00It's all I can do.
00:53:02I love his authenticity.
00:53:04He lives from his heart.
00:53:05If only his authentic heart produce authentic jobs.
00:53:11There I was, pushing Italian olive oil in Chinatown.
00:53:14My first stop was Lu's Herbal Shop.
00:53:28Vincent.
00:53:29What have you got there?
00:53:31Ancient Lu.
00:53:32This is olive oil.
00:53:34Difficult product to sell in Chinatown.
00:53:36It's the best olive oil money can buy though.
00:53:38Fresh olives pressed only once.
00:53:40It's called Extra Virgin.
00:53:43Virgin?
00:53:44We like our virgins.
00:53:45Yeah.
00:53:46How many cases you want?
00:53:47Uh, you can infuse them with your tonics.
00:53:49My herbs make a limp man solid.
00:53:52Your father.
00:53:54Best customer.
00:53:55Enormous libido.
00:53:57Makes his back weak.
00:53:59Cause and effect, you know?
00:54:00Sure.
00:54:01Because you're so good to my father, I'll give you a discount.
00:54:05You're a good son.
00:54:06You look after your parents.
00:54:09And you care for their health.
00:54:11That is honorable.
00:54:15Thanks ancient one, but I...
00:54:20Your father has good credit here.
00:54:25Ancient Lu is just so darn polite and spiritual.
00:54:28Go.
00:54:29Or did he just hustle me?
00:54:44Hey, how you doing?
00:54:46You want some olive oil?
00:54:48You want some olive oil?
00:54:50No.
00:54:50No?
00:54:51Are you sure?
00:54:53Alright.
00:55:03This was an actual job with the mob.
00:55:06But no one was taking the oil.
00:55:25I just had to prove myself.
00:55:27I couldn't fail.
00:55:28It's time to use intimidation and force the noodle maker to buy olive oil.
00:55:33I don't buy peanut oil only.
00:55:35I got a full shipment of olive oil.
00:55:37I tell you, I have plenty of wok oil here.
00:55:39No, no, no.
00:55:40I give the orders around here.
00:55:42Go tell your little boys to go stock it.
00:55:55You go now.
00:55:56I call Mr. Hong-Fan.
00:55:57Forget about it.
00:55:58Forget about nothing.
00:55:59I'll hit you again.
00:56:00Waste my time.
00:56:02Xin chai bao.
00:56:03Find it out.
00:56:08Yeah, ginger fresh.
00:56:10Yeah.
00:56:11Just come in.
00:56:12Oh, look at this lettuce, huh?
00:56:14Oh, look at this lettuce, huh?
00:56:14Organic.
00:56:15Huh?
00:56:21Ah, excellent okra.
00:56:23Yeah, good.
00:56:26Sao, you're here, huh?
00:56:32Yes.
00:56:34Look at this orange, huh?
00:56:35Fresh.
00:56:36Just dropping off some things from all the ancient.
00:56:40Whoa.
00:56:42Got some things in there for Malzou.
00:56:44Alright.
00:56:47Oh, yes, guys.
00:56:49Oh, my God, sorry, huh?
00:56:56Take this one.
00:56:57This one, hold, not broken.
00:57:15Don Vincenzo is coming in from Sicily to set things right back.
00:57:29Between the crews.
00:57:30Condimento's got no power, though.
00:57:32Well, he's got enough juice to bring the dine in on special occasion, doesn't he?
00:57:35Yeah.
00:57:36Here's what we're gonna do.
00:57:37We're gonna pick him up at the airport.
00:57:38You got it?
00:57:39I'm gonna show him the ledger.
00:57:41I gotta be very persuasive.
00:57:43You two get the limo ready.
00:57:44Make sure it's polished.
00:57:45Make sure the cheese is aged.
00:57:47And you know what?
00:57:48Get some homemade wine.
00:57:49I think the old man will like that, okay?
00:57:51And then go to Chinatown and find out what the hell is going on over there.
00:57:55Cause something ain't kosher.
00:58:00What are you waiting for?
00:58:01Go!
00:58:03They're like the gang that couldn't shoot straight, these two.
00:58:05Where'd you get them?
00:58:14Oh, too Mei.
00:58:16Oh.
00:58:19It's really nice.
00:58:20Mei, how are you and Vincent getting it on?
00:58:25Auntie is only looking after your future.
00:58:27Vincent has yet to have a nice day.
00:58:29We have hoped that the two of you...
00:58:32Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
00:58:34We just want the best partner for our Mei.
00:58:37Look at you with your art opening!
00:58:40I know!
00:58:40I know!
00:58:42I know!
00:58:43Dude, oh my god, guys, um, have you heard?
00:58:45Vincent, I mean, Vinny has been hanging out in Little Italy acting like a guido.
00:58:50Is that true, Vincent?
00:58:51Did you act like a guido?
00:58:53No, not like a guido.
00:58:55Mm-hmm.
00:58:56You know, everybody's been talking about it and that, like, he's trying to get with this girl who goes around
00:59:00and tries to steal some cheese from a deli?
00:59:02It wasn't stealing anything.
00:59:05Mm-hmm.
00:59:05Uh, Mei.
00:59:06I can't believe Mei would just walk out like that.
00:59:09Oh, no.
00:59:09I'll go ahead.
00:59:15Mei.
00:59:19Forget about that.
00:59:21Tonight is about you.
00:59:23It's your special night.
00:59:27I have loved you my entire life, Vincent.
00:59:29I always thought if I waited long enough, you would recognize your feelings for me, too.
00:59:35Have I only wasted my time?
00:59:37I just never thought...
00:59:40That's just it, Vincent.
00:59:41Why do you think I'm always at your house?
00:59:43I'm there to see you, to spend time with you.
00:59:50She had so many moments, yet you've been oblivious to them all.
00:59:54That's not true, I...
01:00:02Chia, what's wrong with that son of yours?
01:00:04Uh, you should love him.
01:00:05He doesn't act Chinese.
01:00:08Vincent.
01:00:09Vincent, carefully.
01:00:11Hung Phat is waiting for you.
01:00:13Desteria.
01:00:14A few cans, that's all it was.
01:00:17No.
01:00:19The one thing that went on, I went to him.
01:00:22Apologize him.
01:00:23He may crush the bone.
01:00:24But at least he lived.
01:00:27Right?
01:00:28Make sure to do that.
01:00:29I've been watching from the shadow.
01:00:41Look, Ma, look what that cute Chinese boy gave me.
01:00:44Who?
01:00:45That delivery boy from the other day?
01:00:47He doesn't stand a chance with you.
01:00:49You never know.
01:00:51What is it? You don't like Italians anymore?
01:00:53What, you like Chinese now?
01:00:55You know, Ma, race has got nothing to do with it.
01:01:01Stop already.
01:01:02Look at the cute.
01:01:03Look at the little cute.
01:01:04He's cute. He's very small.
01:01:05He's cute.
01:01:14belies.
01:01:15Why, if he's cute.
01:01:16Yeah, man.
01:01:22Let's talk about it.
01:01:29Good.
01:01:30Hung Phat was coming for me.
01:01:32Tina started liking me.
01:01:34Mae is mad at me.
01:01:35and my parents were threatened.
01:01:37It's no wonder I ended up in trouble.
01:01:39We gonna see about that, honey.
01:01:43Well, hello, Vincent.
01:01:49I think I'm being followed.
01:01:51Things didn't go well?
01:01:52I hardly placed any cans.
01:01:54It's like the Chinese don't speak my language.
01:01:57Okay, enough of this dumbness.
01:02:00What gives?
01:02:01I'm trying to distribute the mob's Italian olive oil
01:02:03in Chinatown.
01:02:04I'm supposed to explain myself to the triads
01:02:06who found out by now are following me.
01:02:08Wait, a mob?
01:02:09The triad?
01:02:12Okay, look.
01:02:13I am not one to judge a lifestyle,
01:02:16but damn, this is some crazy shit.
01:02:18I don't want to face Chinese water torture.
01:02:20I don't want to wear cement boots either.
01:02:22I told you family life was dangerous.
01:02:25You gotta lay low today.
01:02:27After brunch.
01:02:28Vincent, when the actor embraces their role,
01:02:32the audience just can't resist.
01:02:35They're hooked.
01:02:36Yeah, Vin, you gotta walk it like you talk it.
01:02:38And you better speed walk it,
01:02:39or we're all gonna be in deep shit.
01:02:41I'm not gonna be in deep shit.
01:02:42We are gonna be in deep shit.
01:02:44Okay.
01:02:44Right.
01:02:45I've come this far.
01:02:46No turning back.
01:02:48Time to play the made guy role.
01:02:50No more eating rice.
01:02:52Mm, testify, little brother.
01:02:53No more eating egg rolls.
01:02:55Embrace the wise guy within.
01:03:07Forget about it.
01:03:08It's like if you agree with someone, you know?
01:03:11Like, Scarlett Johansson's one great piece of ass.
01:03:14Forget about it.
01:03:16But it also can mean go to hell too.
01:03:18Like, hey, Polly, you got a one-inch pepper.
01:03:20Oh, sometimes it just means forget about it.
01:03:26Bravo, Vinny.
01:03:28Bravo.
01:03:29Forget about it.
01:03:30Forget about it.
01:03:32You know what you want to order?
01:03:36Never a knife when you need one.
01:03:42Vincent, ciao.
01:03:44Ciao, ciao.
01:03:52I got this.
01:04:13Actually, I've never invited you out the brunch.
01:04:42Not running back.
01:04:43Quick.
01:04:48Freeze!
01:04:51Forget about it!
01:05:01Time's running out, Mr. Vinny.
01:05:03I'm Special Agent Johnson, and this is my partner.
01:05:06Special Agent Johnson.
01:05:08Oh, that's cute.
01:05:09Like, uh, Johnson & Johnson.
01:05:11I love the baby oil.
01:05:12We prefer the two Johnsons.
01:05:15Ooh.
01:05:16Double Dutch fudge.
01:05:17Double Dutch fudge.
01:05:19We're with the Department of Food Safety and Hygiene.
01:05:22Is that a real thing?
01:05:24It's been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it, Mr. Chow?
01:05:27Oh, oh, I told him.
01:05:29I told him it would be a bad idea.
01:05:30That was some crazy-ass triad shit.
01:05:33I know there, Mr. Lawrence.
01:05:34Your martial arts skills are pretty good.
01:05:37Well, you know.
01:05:40I'm just trying to uphold a long line of black martial arts heroes.
01:05:43Like Ron Van Cleef, The Black Dragon?
01:05:46Jim Kelly and Into the Dragon, and as Black Bell Jones.
01:05:49Wesley Snipes in Blade?
01:05:51Oh, oh, and Eddie Griffin in Undercover Brother.
01:05:55Oh, jeez.
01:05:56What?
01:05:57It's a good film.
01:05:58Uh-huh.
01:05:59Mr. Ching, we've been tracking the food and spice distribution syndicate of the New York mob,
01:06:03and we're well aware of your interactions with Capella and Condimento.
01:06:07Commissioner O'Greedy has joined forces with the evil triad leader, Hong Fat, to take over Little Italy.
01:06:12And thanks to your olive oil fiasco, Hong Fat's looking for you.
01:06:17I was just trying to extort some cash and distribute some olive oil cans.
01:06:21And what's with this Ching Chong?
01:06:23My last name is Chow.
01:06:25Sorry, we got you confused with the other Korean gentleman we were tailing.
01:06:30That's racist.
01:06:31I'm not Korean, I'm Chinese.
01:06:34I thought you were Italian.
01:06:35Only in his mind.
01:06:37You're not helping.
01:06:38I'm just saying.
01:06:39Gentlemen, concentrate.
01:06:41Condimento sets you up to fall like a souffle.
01:06:44Your friends, your family, they're all in danger.
01:06:48We believe we may have a way out for you.
01:06:50And we believe you have the motivation to pull this off.
01:06:54Yes.
01:06:55Anything to protect my family and friends.
01:06:58Good.
01:07:00Vincenzo Cento, the Sicilian don of all dons, will be arriving in New York to broker a meeting
01:07:05between Condimento and Capella.
01:07:07That's where you come in, Mr. Chow.
01:07:10What?
01:07:11We need their ledgers showing where to get the products, how they're stored, and what
01:07:15the real exploration dates are, and everybody involved.
01:07:18We need all this stuff to nail these guys.
01:07:21But what does that have to do with me?
01:07:22We need you to go undercover.
01:07:25Deep undercover.
01:07:27Infiltrate the mob and get those ledgers.
01:07:29We need you to impersonate the Don.
01:07:34No way.
01:07:35I've seen the movies.
01:07:36You go in alive and you come out dead.
01:07:38And it's usually your best friend who does it.
01:07:41I don't want to put Joey through that pressure.
01:07:45I appreciate that.
01:07:47I couldn't even extort provolone.
01:07:49And I don't even look Italian.
01:07:51A white guy played Charlie Chan.
01:07:52I believed him.
01:07:54Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:07:55Besides, no one's seen the Don.
01:07:57There's not one photo of him.
01:07:58And your friend Lawrence here is pretty good with makeup.
01:08:01He could actually make you look like the Don.
01:08:04Oh, oh, oh, oh, hell no.
01:08:07No.
01:08:09That shit ain't gonna work.
01:08:11Thanks, Lawrence.
01:08:13Well, Johnson's all right, though.
01:08:15This is the only way we can fix it.
01:08:18What would Shakespeare do?
01:08:24Though this be madness,
01:08:27yet there is method in it.
01:08:29Ah, what the hell.
01:08:31Besides, I might like me
01:08:32an Italian gangster to rough me up.
01:08:34Mm-hmm.
01:08:35I'm looking at you, Vinnie Chow.
01:08:38Okay, gentlemen.
01:08:39So, we have an agreement?
01:08:43Yeah.
01:08:44Excellent.
01:08:45Good.
01:08:45Let's do it.
01:08:46Whoa, whoa!
01:08:48Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:08:50Ah, shit.
01:09:01This is the big moment
01:09:03to be the Don.
01:09:07It's do
01:09:09or die.
01:09:16We've never met.
01:09:19We've known each other many years,
01:09:21but this is the first time
01:09:22you came from here for counsel
01:09:23or for help.
01:09:25Godfather, I must say,
01:09:27we are so grateful for your counsel.
01:09:30It's truly our loss
01:09:31that you are so far away
01:09:32in the old country.
01:09:34How did this happen?
01:09:36A rivalry within the family.
01:09:38Hey,
01:09:39I sell the spices
01:09:41and the herbs,
01:09:42but
01:09:42this greedy
01:09:44Acapola,
01:09:45he's like a little baby boy.
01:09:46He wants all the candy
01:09:47for himself.
01:09:48Look,
01:09:49product out big,
01:09:51profit in small,
01:09:52invoices from Brooklyn paid,
01:09:54invoices from Manhattan,
01:09:56not paid.
01:09:58Mm-hmm.
01:09:59You're giving me
01:10:00a lot of answers,
01:10:01but you're not giving me
01:10:02the right ones.
01:10:04I gotta say, boss,
01:10:05I think the Don is right.
01:10:07I think we should cooperate.
01:10:08Yeah, well,
01:10:09this bum is full of shit
01:10:10because he's taking
01:10:11way more than he deserves
01:10:12from the back end.
01:10:13You wanna see?
01:10:14Here, Godfather,
01:10:15excuse me.
01:10:16Take a look at this.
01:10:24I like to run
01:10:25this bum out of town,
01:10:26but you know
01:10:26what would happen?
01:10:27The Chinese would detect
01:10:28that we got weakness
01:10:30in the family,
01:10:30and then they'd run
01:10:31in right away
01:10:32with their gingers
01:10:33and their spices,
01:10:35five spices, in fact.
01:10:37How about
01:10:38the Mushu pancakes, huh?
01:10:40Fluffy, am I right?
01:10:41Fluffy.
01:10:43Forget about it.
01:10:44Fluffy.
01:10:45Mushu pancakes.
01:10:46There's nothing quite
01:10:47like a good pasta
01:10:48and sauce.
01:10:50Pasta?
01:10:51Who calls it pasta?
01:10:52There's spaghetti
01:10:53and there's macaroni.
01:10:54Forget about it.
01:10:55This tastes like
01:10:56freaking cardboard.
01:10:57Do me a favor, sweetheart.
01:10:59Get the box, huh?
01:10:59Let me look at this.
01:11:01What brand?
01:11:03Marco Polo,
01:11:04what is this shit?
01:11:05What's up, bro?
01:11:06Roman King,
01:11:07you believe this?
01:11:08Get it out of here.
01:11:09Clean the table.
01:11:13I knew it.
01:11:14I knew it.
01:11:14He's a fake.
01:11:15It's that wannabe
01:11:16Vinnie Chow.
01:11:17Get the bastard.
01:11:39Get him!
01:11:53He's working for the Triads.
01:11:55I knew it.
01:11:57I thought nobody
01:11:58makes a fool of Capella
01:11:59and gets away with it.
01:12:00Get online, pal,
01:12:02because he's got
01:12:02your ledger, too.
01:12:03What?
01:12:04Get the Chinaman.
01:12:07That's it.
01:12:08I'm calling Luca.
01:12:08He's calling Luca?
01:12:09He's calling Luca Fagioli.
01:12:17Hang on.
01:12:18You just got lucky.
01:12:19Wait on round two.
01:12:21Yeah?
01:12:22Oh, boss.
01:12:23Do me a favor, huh?
01:12:24Get the stilettos,
01:12:25the guns,
01:12:25the knives,
01:12:26whatever you got,
01:12:26and bring him down here.
01:12:28And I want you to grab
01:12:29Johnny T,
01:12:30Produce Joe,
01:12:31Donnie the baker,
01:12:32and Salami the deli man.
01:12:34The deli man?
01:12:35What's that fat rat bastard
01:12:36gonna do, sit on him?
01:12:38We need manpower.
01:12:40Shut up.
01:12:40Ask him to call up
01:12:41the rest of my guys here.
01:12:43I got no service here.
01:12:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12:44Okay, yeah.
01:12:45And do me a favor,
01:12:46call Gondamendo's Garlic Goombas,
01:12:48all right?
01:12:48This idiot forgot
01:12:49to charge his phone again.
01:12:50What else is new?
01:12:51I had a busy day.
01:12:52I ain't got no time
01:12:53to charge a phone.
01:12:54Yeah, I know.
01:12:54You'll probably call
01:12:54in the broads.
01:13:13What was that?
01:13:15The sound of one-hand cupping.
01:13:21Three against one?
01:13:23You are a very careful
01:13:25young man.
01:13:26You want to go to
01:13:27Tau Nen Gai
01:13:28to buy Italian people
01:13:30to sell garlic oil.
01:13:31You don't go to Tau Nen Gai
01:13:32to sell fortune cookies.
01:13:35I wasn't really working for them.
01:13:37Bullshit.
01:13:38It was just a trial.
01:13:40Trial?
01:13:42Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:13:43Yeah, you know what you're talking about.
01:13:45The most happy things
01:13:47are to yourself
01:13:48to yourself
01:13:49and to yourself
01:13:50to yourself.
01:13:52Is it?
01:13:53I was just trying
01:13:54to impress a girl
01:13:55to get a little respect
01:13:57and make a little money.
01:13:58You out of all people
01:13:59should understand that.
01:14:01Wrong.
01:14:11No one guessed.
01:14:13The most happy people
01:14:14may erre you
01:14:15and do it.
01:14:15The best
01:14:16Whoa!
01:14:20Ah!
01:14:22Ah!
01:14:25Ah!
01:14:27Hey!
01:14:29What?
01:14:30There's a guy from Italy who's been able to play a game
01:14:32and I'm going to play a game with them.
01:14:34Let's go!
01:14:35Chill!
01:14:37Hey!
01:14:38Hey!
01:14:40Hey!
01:14:41Hey!
01:14:41Hey!
01:14:41Hey!
01:14:42Hey, call me. What about Vincent?
01:14:43Yes.
01:14:43You'll help him.
01:14:44Come in.
01:14:45Rger's Freed?
01:14:46Those ropes are thick.
01:14:47I'm tiny.
01:14:48Oh, you're being close.
01:14:49You think I'm fat?
01:14:51Is that why Vincent doesn't like me because I'm fat?
01:14:53Oh, Uncle, all you have to be strong.
01:14:56You guys have problems.
01:14:59Hey!
01:15:02Hey!
01:15:03Are you okay?
01:15:04Hurry up!
01:15:04Hurry up!
01:15:08Hurry up!
01:15:08Huh?
01:15:09There's no time.
01:15:11I have to get Hung Fat's ledger.
01:15:13Laptop.
01:15:13Laptop order.
01:15:14Get that to the agents.
01:15:15I'm going to Hung Fat's warehouse.
01:15:17Call Lawrence.
01:15:18Sifu, let's go.
01:15:19Hoi!
01:16:04Oh, this is a wannabe Chinese wise guy.
01:16:07Get him.
01:16:15Let's go.
01:16:15You know what?
01:16:16We're 2-0 for this.
01:16:17You ain't, kid.
01:16:18My back is killing me.
01:16:19Let's go sit down.
01:16:20What's the matter?
01:16:20You got sciatica or something?
01:16:21I got something.
01:16:22I don't know.
01:16:22My leg is hurting.
01:16:23Well, you know this masseuse, you know?
01:16:25Yeah?
01:16:26Yeah, come on.
01:16:26Does she do happy ending?
01:16:27Oh, yeah, dude.
01:16:28Let's go.
01:16:32Yeah, man.
01:16:34Let's.
01:16:45Let's go.
01:16:54All right.
01:16:57Well, you might've got me.
01:17:04Let's go.
01:17:35Let's go.
01:17:43Vincent?
01:17:51Vincent?
01:17:57Vincent?
01:18:00Vincent?
01:18:21No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:18:23No, no, no.
01:18:56No, no, no.
01:19:32Look at the way they fight.
01:19:33They don't fight like we used to.
01:19:35Yeah, I taught you everything you know.
01:19:37Yeah, I know.
01:19:37You taught me the 1-5-1-5.
01:19:39Two, three, and four right guard.
01:19:40Thanks a lot.
01:19:41Me?
01:20:08Good job, officers.
01:20:10I have intel that'll put these gangsters away for life.
01:20:16I'm on your side.
01:20:18That damn Vincent Chao.
01:20:21He can say forget about it, just not in Chinese.
01:20:24His mom sent him out for low main.
01:20:26He came back with penne.
01:20:28Hey.
01:20:30What the hell's going on?
01:20:31What's this?
01:20:33You played me like a puppet.
01:20:35Yeah, and it was a good plan, too, huh?
01:20:37Am I right?
01:20:37Am I right?
01:20:38What do you think of me now, Mr. Capella?
01:20:40You surprised us all, you freak of rat.
01:20:43You'll get yours.
01:20:44What, you got shoe polish on your eye?
01:20:47Come on, don't be so rough, huh?
01:20:49Can I get a soda?
01:20:50Come on, I feel a little parched.
01:20:52Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:21:03Mr. Chao, a couple questions for you.
01:21:07We'll meet you outside in a minute.
01:21:14Well, Vin, you're even more powerful than the mob.
01:21:17A girl could really have a future connected to a guy like you.
01:21:33I always lose the good one.
01:21:52Now do you see my problem?
01:21:54Oh, you got a problem.
01:21:57Okay, let's see if we got this.
01:22:00You are a Chinese guy who seek out a gay black man and turn you into an Italian wise guy.
01:22:07You like a girl who has no interest in who you are, but she's Italian and has a nice body.
01:22:15And another girl who likes you for who you are, but you're no interest in her because she's Chinese.
01:22:20You dismiss your Chinese family and culture.
01:22:23And your only friend is an Italian boy who's now Mexican.
01:22:27And you managed to get the Italian and the Chinese mafia trying to kill you.
01:22:33Forget about it!
01:22:36And yet, in the end, you foiled them and become a hero.
01:22:42And now you're in love.
01:22:45Did we miss anything?
01:22:48No, but when you put it that way, it just sounds so unhealthy.
01:22:51Unhealthy, yes, but understandable.
01:22:55I was just looking for acceptance, respect and the love of a woman.
01:23:00And you achieved all that.
01:23:02Not from intimidation, but while being selfless and helping others.
01:23:07I was.
01:23:07But May Saltina kissed me and ran off.
01:23:10I've lost her.
01:23:11You have not lost her?
01:23:13She's waiting for you to come to her.
01:23:19Forget what we say.
01:23:21Wisdom and knowledge is within you.
01:23:27Go.
01:23:28Go.
01:23:29Go.
01:23:29Go get the girl.
01:23:41I couldn't reach May.
01:23:43I called, left her messages, texts and social media posts.
01:23:46She finally texted me to meet her on the rooftop.
01:23:49How can I let her get away?
01:23:52May.
01:23:56I wanted to thank you for everything.
01:23:59And that I've been a real jerk.
01:24:01Yes, you have been.
01:24:03Look, I came all the way from Columbus Park to tell you
01:24:06that you're charismatic, beautiful, and that I want to be with you.
01:24:14What about Tina?
01:24:15What about the mob?
01:24:16Forget all that.
01:24:17I was misled and now I know who I really am.
01:24:22Look, I want you to have this.
01:24:26Are you kidding me?
01:24:27I would never accept a recycled gift.
01:24:30You understand that you can get a girl like me.
01:24:32May.
01:24:33I'm trying my best to tell you that I love you.
01:24:37You're not a very well put together guy, Vincent.
01:24:42Look, a guy's got to look out for his own future.
01:24:46And I want you in mine.
01:24:49He's your real gift mate.
01:24:52My grandmother's Jade Buddha.
01:24:59It's precious.
01:25:13You know, we could make a big family.
01:25:16And start our own La Familia.
01:25:19And take over Lower Manhattan.
01:25:21Better yet, maybe we move down to Philly and infiltrate the cheesesteak business.
01:25:24Ah, forget about it.
01:25:27I didn't see you coming.
01:25:30Until it was too late.
01:25:34I didn't see you coming.
01:25:37I thought I'd have to wait.
01:25:40I didn't see you coming.
01:25:43I thought I would be blue.
01:25:47Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:25:54I didn't know what hit me.
01:25:58Until I hit the ground.
01:26:01I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:05I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:09I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:12I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:12You shook me through and through.
01:26:15Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:26:22I never expected to feel this way again.
01:26:29But it seems we've met and kissed before.
01:26:34Although I cannot tell exactly where or when.
01:26:37I never knew the magic a single kiss could give.
01:26:44I never knew your magic would make my poor heart live.
01:26:50I never knew the magic that only you could do.
01:26:57Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:27:03If you do.コーヒーがカーディアバックですね。
01:27:24And I thought I was playing.
01:28:02I never expected to feel this way again
01:28:09But it seems we've met and kissed before
01:28:13Although I gotta tell her exactly where or when
01:28:17I never knew magic a single kiss could give
01:28:23Oh, I never knew your magic would make my whole heart live
01:28:30I never knew the magic that only you could do
01:28:37Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:44Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:51Because, baby, I never expected you
01:29:00A-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:29:01A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:29:03A-ha-ha-ha-ha!
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