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00:07Hey, Papa D. Come on in. Sit down. How you doing?
00:12What's going on?
00:13I just wanted to have a little, uh, chat.
00:16Is someone dead? Is my dad dead?
00:18No, no, no. I mean, listen, one of my favorite things on this base,
00:21if not my favorite thing, is that tank we stole.
00:23And that heist proved to me that you have potential.
00:28Potential?
00:29Yes.
00:29Okay. Now we're talking. I'm listening, man.
00:31Go full Dead Poets Society on me.
00:33A colonel, my colonel.
00:34I don't know what that means, but listen to me.
00:37You're a corporal, right? So you're on a leadership track,
00:39and you can't remember when to salute.
00:42That's the kind of thing, it's a basic...
00:44No, no. It's not now.
00:47Nope. This is all wrong.
00:49Open hand?
00:50Just put it down.
00:50I don't even need you to meet me halfway anymore,
00:53because I know you'd get winded.
00:55I just need you to take a couple baby steps towards me.
00:58All right?
01:00Or else.
01:00Yeah, or else what?
01:02But no, you're not gonna kick me out of the army.
01:04Dude, tech geniuses don't come to Stoopsdorf very often.
01:06I mean, the guy I replaced was still paying for AOL.
01:09I will drum you out if I have to.
01:11For what?
01:12Your hair, mustache, posture, attitude, laziness.
01:16Okay.
01:17Lack of fitness, gait.
01:18Okay.
01:18Do you know what I'm saying?
01:19Yeah.
01:20It's tough love.
01:22But maybe it's time to grow up.
01:23Hey, we're about to start a birthday cake in a teen center.
01:26I'm only trying to get you...
01:28What?
01:28Where are you going?
01:29You are not dismissed.
01:30I will kick you out for good.
01:33Oh, my God.
01:34I'm never gonna make it through this place.
01:53Hey.
01:54Hi.
01:55Got a minute?
01:56Yeah.
01:57Would you care to join me on a little trip to a local antique store that apparently
02:02has a sizable collection of World War II memorabilia, including a cult single action revolver
02:08used by General Patton during the war.
02:10Wow.
02:11I know.
02:12This is like, you know, something that we really bonded over when you were a kid and...
02:17Yeah.
02:17A love for World War II is not something that we shared.
02:22Yeah.
02:22You droning on about it is something I've always had to endure.
02:24What?
02:25Do you remember my ninth birthday?
02:27I had a slumber party and you made us all watch Saving Private Ryan and then all the girls
02:30had to call their parents to get picked up after Vin Diesel's head was blasted off?
02:34Honey, you're never too young to learn not to walk into a sniper's ambush.
02:37Why are you so obsessed with World War II?
02:39The greatest war fought by the greatest generation against the greatest enemy that we have ever
02:46crushed like a bug.
02:47You know, when I was little, I thought that you loved this war more than you loved me.
02:53Oh, my God. I was right.
02:55No.
02:55Are you serious?
02:56Of course not.
02:57Of course not?
02:57I have to say something like that out loud.
02:59Yes, you literally do have to say something like that out loud.
03:01My generation.
03:03Everything has to be said out loud.
03:04Your generation is obsessed with World War II.
03:07Oh, my God.
03:07You know what?
03:08Let me explain something to you.
03:09When I was a kid, there were Nazis everywhere.
03:11Okay?
03:12Hiding out in basements in Cleveland.
03:13They were selling used cars in Wisconsin.
03:15And I'll tell you something else.
03:16When I was a kid, I'd go to the Oktoberfest every year just to see if I could see one
03:20of these
03:20drunk German bastards slip a sig heil.
03:22Now, they never did.
03:23But, you know, and they did report to my parents that I was kind of stalking them.
03:27But I learned to be vigilant because our enemies are always around us, especially here.
03:32Are you kidding me?
03:33Here, of all places.
03:34In the Netherlands.
03:35Yes.
03:35Biggest threat to the United States is how much better their Kit Kat is.
03:39That's the kind of dovish thinking that leads to our base being wide open to our enemies
03:44on a surprise attack.
03:45Did you know that we run war games quarterly?
03:47You run war games?
03:48Mm-hmm.
03:48Okay.
03:49What do you, warm up some towels and melt some Kit Kats?
03:53War games.
03:54Oh, this is interesting.
03:56I think I'd like to run one tomorrow at 0900.
03:59We'll be ready.
04:00Okay.
04:00What about the little jaunt to the, uh, antique store?
04:03Oh, sure.
04:04Yeah, as long as I can, uh, take General Patton's gun and shoot myself in the head.
04:17All right, listen up.
04:19Everybody listen up.
04:22We are at war.
04:25Russian forces have invaded Eastern Europe.
04:28Tyranny is at our doorstep.
04:31And I say we open the door and punch tyranny right in the neck.
04:38I know this is just a war game, but he is giving that Danny D. Lewis level of commitment.
04:42Now, our mission today is to meet at the rendezvous point and supply three full brigades with laundry and cheese.
04:53Yeah!
04:54Woo!
04:57Do you understand the mission?
04:59Yeah!
05:00Now, let's go do it.
05:02Dismissed.
05:07You're gonna like what you see today.
05:08My troops are special.
05:09Oh, yeah.
05:10They're special.
05:11You can't say that.
05:12What?
05:12I just said what you said.
05:13No, you had a tone.
05:14I said special, you said special.
05:15You said special in the special tone.
05:17Forget it.
05:17You have one hour.
05:18No problem.
05:25The first round of MREs are headed to the truck and we have plenty of cheese for the rest.
05:29Are you sure about that, Sergeant?
05:31An enemy just fired a short-range ballistic missile.
05:33All of this cheese is destroyed.
05:36I know, seriously, all of it is destroyed.
05:38Go away.
05:39What are you doing?
05:40Your war game scenario read like a Black Friday rehearsal at Walmart.
05:43Major Shah is here to represent the unpredictability of the enemy.
05:47I'm your worst nightmare.
05:49I am the agent of chaos.
05:51Why are you dressed like a stagehand?
05:53Mm-hmm.
05:54Okay, well, the enemy could be anyone.
05:55I thought the Black would sell that.
05:56I just made a choice.
05:57I don't think he looks like a stagehand.
05:59I think he looks cool.
06:00Clock is ticking, Captain.
06:02Clock is ticking.
06:04Sergeant, deploy the comte.
06:06That's just fancy cheese.
06:08Soldier.
06:08This is why we keep a secret stash.
06:10I'm gonna do it, but you don't have to use outlandish words together like just and fancy.
06:16Captain, we have a problem.
06:18Ah.
06:20Ah.
06:20Hey!
06:21Captain, we're down to like half the machines.
06:23They keep tripping the breakers.
06:24The Russians have colluded with your suppliers, and now you've got faulty wiring.
06:28Agent of chaos strikes again.
06:30Why are you doing this?
06:31Because no one understands the enemy better than the colonel.
06:33If he says you're gonna be attacked, you gotta be ready.
06:35Nope.
06:35That's right.
06:35I mean, why are you a stagehand?
06:38Okay, what is this vendetta against stagehands?
06:40They're the backbone of the theater.
06:42Relax, Shakespeare.
06:43I'm wearing a cool outfit.
06:45Corporal Papadakis, I need more power to laundry.
06:48Yeah, working on it, Captain?
06:50Hey, listen.
06:50While I have you, I'd love for you to support my appeal regarding the colonel kicking me out
06:54of the army.
06:54I like it here.
06:55They gave me free footlocker, and the vibes are chill.
06:58Not the time, Corporal.
06:59I shouldn't be punished for my love of birthday cake, because...
07:02Well, it's just that cake and I are an amazing team.
07:05We go together like peanut butter and jelly, like college students in Adderall, okay?
07:09Appeal denied, soldier.
07:10Don't...
07:11Corporal!
07:11What about the power?
07:13I can get you the juice, but I'd have to shut down the bowling alley, and let's just
07:16say the locals are having a tournament.
07:18Betray your beloved townies?
07:19No way.
07:22Do what?
07:23Hey, God have mercy on us all.
07:34Back on schedule.
07:36Impressive.
07:38You ain't seen nothing yet.
07:41Only I get to be that cocky.
07:43Let's go!
07:44Move!
07:44Oh, um, just one more load of laundry with time to spare.
07:49Look at that.
07:49Well, how is B.A. gonna handle it without his jeep, you know?
07:53The enemy had to watch an hour-long YouTube tutorial to figure this one out.
07:5720.
07:58Private B.A.?
07:59Mississippi 19.
08:00Anyone got eyes on B.A.?
08:02I'm really going slow.
08:03Stop.
08:03Mississippi 17.
08:05Come on, B.A.
08:05Watch out!
08:06Watch out!
08:06Here he comes!
08:07Move away!
08:09Move away!
08:10Move away!
08:12Move away!
08:13Move away!
08:13Move away!
08:14Move away!
08:17Move away!
08:17Move away!
08:18Woo!
08:20Yes!
08:21Way to go, B.A.
08:22Yes!
08:23Colonel, you have to remind me, how do you like your crow?
08:27Barbecue, right?
08:28I told you we're always prepared and we can handle you and any other-
08:32Hey, what the hell is that?
08:34That appears to be a drone, sir.
08:35Yeah, we have an unidentified bogey in our airspace.
08:38Oh, Colonel, no, no, no.
08:39That's just Geert.
08:40What's Geert?
08:40Geert.
08:41He's a little Dutch boy who lives in the next town.
08:43He's quite the drone pilot.
08:44Hi, Geert!
08:45Hey, Geertie!
08:46Wait, don't wave at him.
08:47You're letting this kid fly a drone in?
08:48Yeah, he's like the base's pen pal.
08:50The pen pal?
08:51Yeah!
08:51The base pen pal?
08:52Yeah!
08:53And there we go.
08:55Oh, he wants to know how the war game went.
08:58No!
08:58That's what the enemy would want to know!
09:00That's what the enemy would want to know.
09:02Cuckoo!
09:06Aha!
09:08Chinese lettering.
09:09What does that say?
09:11Sir, that says made in China.
09:13If that makes this an enemy drone, then I have a 65-inch flat screen you'll want to interrogate.
09:18Okay, are we done fear-mongering?
09:20I'm not fear-mongering.
09:21Have you met this kid?
09:22Yeah, we FaceTimed him once.
09:24Yeah, and what did he look like?
09:25He...
09:26He was too shy to be on camera.
09:27Oh!
09:28But that made sense at the time.
09:29I'm sure it made sense at the time.
09:31If you're a toothless woman from the Midwest trying to catfish somebody, or, of course,
09:34a kid spy.
09:35No!
09:36You always do this.
09:37You always need an enemy.
09:38It's like when he thought my babysitter was poisoning my mind with propaganda.
09:41Okay, that stupid giving tree with the free handouts?
09:44That boy needed to get a real job and buy his own wood, okay?
09:47Colonel, Papadakis was able to extract data from the drone's GPS.
09:49We have Geert's location.
09:51No, no, no.
09:52No, you're not going into a child's house and accusing him of espionage.
09:58You're right.
10:00I'm not.
10:00We are.
10:01What?
10:01Yeah, we are going.
10:02That sounds like a great father-daughter bonding experience.
10:05Let me know how that goes.
10:06No, no, no, no, no.
10:07Let me know.
10:07We're all going.
10:08What did you say?
10:08I can't hear you.
10:09We're all going.
10:10I can't hear you.
10:10Who is we?
10:12Geert is not a terrorist.
10:14He's a sweet 12-year-old boy.
10:16Where does this paranoia even come from?
10:18How about one cursory glance at history, huh?
10:21Beautiful countryside and you think nothing bad ever happened here, right?
10:24You'd be wrong.
10:26September, 1944.
10:27It's like we're on one of their family road trips.
10:30Right.
10:30I'm just kidding.
10:31He wasn't around long enough for them to go anywhere.
10:33I'm sorry you got dragged into this.
10:35It's okay.
10:36I'm sure I'll get something out of it.
10:37Yeah, absolutely.
10:38You can learn a lot.
10:39I mean, no one anticipates a surprise attack or can sniff out a mole like the colonel.
10:43Ew, that's not what I meant.
10:45The man cost me my contact.
10:47I will be leaving with something.
10:49Okay.
10:49Operation Market Garden.
10:50The Battle of Deschelt.
10:52Right up the road here, the Battle of Otterlo.
10:54I mean, this whole area, all the roads, meadows, field, just smothered by Nazis.
11:00Are you being wistful right now?
11:03You sound like you were longing for an old friend.
11:05I just would love to have been there just so I could, you know, just punch one Nazi right
11:11in his Nazi face.
11:12Okay, Deb, stop.
11:13You're making me a statistic.
11:15There's another daughter who has lost her father to World War II addictions.
11:18It's like fentanyl for boomers.
11:22If the colonel is finally serious about kicking me out, I guess we should split up our stuff.
11:26I'm gonna need to take that Fast 8 poster.
11:28All the computers, the TV, the beanbag couch.
11:31Okay, I guess I call dibs on the mini fridge then.
11:33No way, man.
11:34I can't let you do that.
11:35We brought that baby into this world together with those Dave and Buster tickets.
11:38I know, I know.
11:39I just wish there was something we could do to change a colonel's mind.
11:42Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
11:43I've got it.
11:44What does the colonel hate more than anything in the entire world?
11:47Pacifist.
11:48And after that?
11:49Billie Eilish?
11:50Okay, third then?
11:53The possum squatting in the air tower.
11:54Dude, we just gotta figure out a way to kick him out!
11:56I know!
11:59I'm scared of possums.
12:10Oh, God.
12:12Everything hurts.
12:14Dude.
12:15And that just felt unbelievably coordinated.
12:19Guys, I think they speak the same language.
12:21I felt like they were toying with us at the end.
12:30So you are Geert?
12:32I am Geert.
12:34Chess teacher.
12:36Geert, you have adult visitors.
12:39I leave you now.
12:40Yeah.
12:41Russian chess teacher.
12:45Maggie.
12:46Dana.
12:47Hi.
12:47My American friends.
12:48I told you he was a boy.
12:50Hey Geert, where are your parents?
12:51The dentist.
12:54Parents are at a joint dental appointment in a country with socialized medicine?
12:58Yeah, likely story, pal.
12:59Um, hey.
13:00You know I've always trusted your instincts, right?
13:02Yeah, I know.
13:02That's because I'm always right.
13:04I predicted your divorce at your wedding.
13:06Yeah, that was a really heartfelt speech, sir.
13:08I just think that's a child, right?
13:10Mm-hmm.
13:10And I was with you this whole time, but once again, that is a child.
13:14Maybe we should leave.
13:14Yeah, you're right.
13:15Let me tell you something, Benjamin Button.
13:17You have everybody else fooled but not me.
13:19I know you're up to something.
13:20You've got five seconds to come clean.
13:22Dad.
13:22One Mississippi.
13:23Dad, stop.
13:24Two in the U.S. Army.
13:25Garrett, please don't cry.
13:26No, Margaret.
13:28He is right.
13:29Ha ha.
13:29I've been secretly collecting documents.
13:32I shall give them to you now.
13:34Documents.
13:35He's got them.
13:35What?
13:36Collecting documents.
13:38I was right.
13:40That's just his mom's glossy fashion magazine.
13:43Zendaya makes me feel things in my body.
13:46Oh.
13:47Is that why it's so glossy?
13:48Garrett, what's going on?
13:49Parents are here.
13:51Hi.
13:52We here.
13:52So, yeah, it's official.
13:54Your son's into Zendaya.
13:57Zendaya.
13:57Zendaya.
13:58So, which means he's probably into girls.
13:59Who are you?
14:01We're the U.S. Navy.
14:02Yeah.
14:02Yep.
14:03We're everywhere.
14:04Okay?
14:05Sorry.
14:05Gotta get back to the boat.
14:10You were right.
14:11Fine.
14:12Garrett hasn't been turned by the enemy.
14:14Yet.
14:15Okay, sir.
14:16This might be the fact that I just witnessed a tearful confession of a preteen's masturbation
14:20habits, but maybe it's time to admit that here in the Netherlands, we're not surrounded
14:24by enemies.
14:25Okay.
14:25Well, you were just lucky you weren't here in the early 1930s when apparently a harmless
14:29failed Austrian painter.
14:31Don't say it.
14:32Everybody came to call.
14:33You don't have to say it.
14:34Hitler.
14:34No, no, no.
14:35Okay.
14:35You know what?
14:36You want World War II?
14:37I will give you World War II.
14:39Let's go.
14:43Wow.
14:44What a nice surprise.
14:47You've got some incredible pieces here.
14:49Mm-hmm.
14:51Here it is.
14:51This is what he wanted to see, right?
14:53Patton's gun.
14:54Wow.
14:55Look at that.
14:56He said his .357 was his killing gun, but this was his walking around gun.
15:00Thank you for bringing me here.
15:01I mean, this is a great way to admit that you were wrong.
15:04It's very honorable.
15:05No.
15:05See, I brought you here to show you what's going to happen if you don't stop living in
15:10the past.
15:10If you refuse to evolve, you're just going to become an old, dusty relic that nobody wants
15:17anything to do with.
15:21Okay.
15:24Was that too mean?
15:27Do you have a bathroom?
15:30Bathroom.
15:31Bathroom.
15:32Bathroom.
15:35Bathroom.
15:38Bathroom.
15:41Oh.
15:42leh-Nazi.
15:45Oh no.
15:47No, no, no, no.
15:47Oh my god.
15:48He's a Nazi.
15:50I still gotta pee.
15:56Colonel.
15:56Colonel.
15:58You're going to want to hear this.
15:59All right, listen, I know you were right.
16:01I am a dusty old relic that belongs on a shelf.
16:03I don't get it. I just...
16:04I guess I need, like, an enemy for more clarity or something, you know?
16:08That is real gross.
16:11And I want you to remember that, okay?
16:13And remember that you were wrong about Geert and the drone
16:17and so, so, so, so much more.
16:19I'm usually so wrong about all things.
16:22Um, but there's a Nazi in there.
16:25I knew it! There's a Nazi.
16:27Yeah, I should have recognized that mole. It's Cindy Crawford meets the Master Race.
16:31It's Helmut von Furstenberg, the Butcher of Baden.
16:34And I'm about to get him.
16:35Okay, Colonel, your instincts were right.
16:36There was an enemy near.
16:38Yeah.
16:38Ish. Yeah.
16:39Sorry, I doubted you, sir.
16:40Okay, he didn't know.
16:41Well, maybe we should circle back and check on Geert after this.
16:44Good idea.
16:44Wrong lesson.
16:45I don't know. He didn't find the Nazis.
16:47I found him.
16:48Why would he be here?
16:49The Battle of Otterlo.
16:50An Allied victory so resounding that Nazis who were fleeing
16:53stripped off their uniforms and melted into the countryside
16:55to live their cowardly lives in anonymity.
16:57I'm like, this guy.
16:59Wow.
16:59It's just because I was bored out of my mind doesn't mean I wasn't listening.
17:02You know?
17:03I can't believe this, guys.
17:04I'm gonna fight the final battle of World War II.
17:08Oh, my God, I get to punch a Nazi.
17:09Probably the final Nazi.
17:11I'm gonna be in the history books.
17:13Wow!
17:14Are you getting emotional?
17:16This is a big deal for him, all right?
17:18He's got a real Indiana Jones fantasy, and everything in there belongs in a museum, so...
17:22This is poetic.
17:23Okay.
17:24How do I look?
17:26Like you're missing something.
17:31Oh, dude.
17:33Now we're never gonna get to show the colonel that you deserve to stay in the army.
17:37I want you to have the mini fridge.
17:38Oh, really?
17:40Mm-hmm.
17:43Okay.
17:46Why don't we both keep the mini fridge?
17:53Hey!
17:54You know what they say?
17:55If you're gonna fight a Nazi, you gotta do it in a World War II-inspired uniform.
17:58You guys look like you've fought a Nazi.
18:00What happened?
18:01Oh, my gosh.
18:01We were fighting over who could carry the uniform.
18:04And you won?
18:05Yes.
18:05Wow.
18:06You guys are even more resourceful than I thought.
18:08I totally underestimated you.
18:10Nice job.
18:11Oh, I gotta go.
18:12I gotta go fight a Nazi.
18:13Fine.
18:31Where is that Nazi basket?
18:33My body feels amazing.
18:34I know.
18:35Tingling with...
18:36Pure electricity?
18:37Because you're about to go toe-to-toe with evil?
18:39Exactly.
18:40Yeah, that's how I feel every day.
18:41Helmet von Furstenberg, show your face!
18:45Oh, right.
18:46WW2 was like a thousand years ago.
18:48Aha!
18:51I peed on your Nazi stuff.
18:53You did what?
18:54Oh!
18:55What?
18:56Did you why?
18:56What?
18:57He's a literal Nazi.
18:58Judge him.
18:59I think I've never been prouder of you than right now.
19:01Okay, let's focus.
19:02Okay.
19:02You know what?
19:03The world's been waiting 80 years for this, pal.
19:05No.
19:12Hmm.
19:13Sorry, what's happening?
19:14He's having a heart attack.
19:16Right.
19:16We should save him.
19:17Do we save him?
19:18I mean, he was a Nazi.
19:19If anything, we'd do Maggie's pee thing.
19:21That was not my thing.
19:22No, honey, it's just a thing now.
19:24It's definitely a thing.
19:25Listen, Maggie's right.
19:26He's our enemy until he's wounded.
19:28Now he's wounded, we gotta save his life.
19:30Let's go.
19:38Oh!
19:39What do you want me to do?
19:40He's old.
19:41He's got Cheetos for ribs.
19:42Oh, I think you should stop, Colonel.
19:44No, I think you're right.
19:45You're making him more dead.
19:47He...
19:48My hands are wet.
19:49Can you see if there's any Nazi paper towels or...
19:53Uh-huh.
19:53Uh-huh.
19:54Uh-huh.
19:59Sorry you didn't get to, uh, punch a Nazi.
20:01Well, I got to cave his chest in, which is pretty cool.
20:04Yeah.
20:05Ooh, I love that.
20:07A racist damn man gave it to me.
20:08Oh!
20:09Uh, I don't think we should be stealing items from crime...
20:13Oh, God, I love you.
20:16That's fantastic.
20:17I am still waiting for you to say that to my face.
20:20Okay.
20:20You know that, right?
20:21Me, me, me.
20:21I told you I was leaving with something.
20:23He did say that.
20:24Am I?
20:26Okay.
20:26Wow.
20:34Colonel?
20:35You wanted to see me?
20:37Look at you.
20:38Well, well, well.
20:41You combed your hair.
20:42Yes, I did.
20:43And you got your jacket iron and it zipped up.
20:46Mm-hmm.
20:47You took a couple steps in my direction.
20:49And I finally got it, Big C.
20:50You do?
20:51All these things you've been teaching me.
20:53Good.
20:54Stealing tanks.
20:55Punching old Germans.
20:57Prostitution.
20:57They're dating them.
20:58I don't know what your deal is.
20:59That's what it means to be a soldier, right?
21:01Shh!
21:01Right?
21:02No.
21:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:03That's...
21:04Old school!
21:04It's old school, but it's not...
21:06You can't tell anybody about that.
21:07Besides the people that already know that we're involved with us.
21:09We can't...
21:10Yeah, I know.
21:11So you can't tell family members, friends.
21:12Nobody can know about this.
21:13I'm not gonna tell anyone.
21:15Okay.
21:16Very good, soldier.
21:18The hair's still not regulation yet, but it's good.
21:21I'm glad you're...
21:21Uh, I do need to get my mom to take down a podcast, but...
21:26Wait, what?
21:28Your mom has a podcast?
21:30It's going so well!
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