00:00What's red and really bad for your teeth?
00:03A brick. A brick.
00:08Can a frog jump higher than a house?
00:11Of course! Houses can't jump.
00:16What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
00:19A baboom.
00:24What do you do with a sick boat?
00:27Take it to the dock.
00:31Last week, I was bitten by a cobra.
00:34And what happened then?
00:36After three days of fighting for life, the cobra died.
00:40When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute.
00:44I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
00:48Can February march?
00:50No, but April, May.
00:56How many apples grow on an apple tree?
01:00All of them.
01:03What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
01:07Reality.
01:11What's the bad thing about birthdays?
01:14Too many of them will kill you.
01:20Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
01:23Because they're extinct.
01:28Why did the bicycle fall over?
01:31Because it was too tired.
01:35Why did the chicken cross the playground?
01:38To get to the other slide.
01:41That's a good one.
01:42Good joke.
01:44Why did the cow cross the road?
01:46To get to the other side.
01:50Utterly ridiculous.
01:52So the dog says, why did I cross the road?
01:55To get to the barking lot.
01:59What do you call a dog magician?
02:03A labracadabra door.
02:07I can't believe they are still together after all the shit they have been through.
02:12Who?
02:13My butt cheeks.
02:15Some cause happiness wherever they go.
02:19Others whenever they go.
02:24Why don't we ever see elephants hiding in trees?
02:28Because they're really good at it.
02:31Why did the elephant paint himself yellow?
02:34So he could hide in the custard.
02:38That's a good one.
02:40Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
02:43Because it kept running out of the pen.
02:48What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
02:51A chicken.
02:56How do you make an idiot curious?
02:59I tell you tomorrow.
03:03So the cat swallowed a ball of yarn.
03:06And when she had kittens, they were all wearing mittens.
03:09That's not even how biology works, you idiot.
03:12Why did the scarecrow win an award?
03:14Because he was outstanding in his field.
03:18Oh, brother.
03:19I'm on a seafood diet.
03:22Really?
03:23I see food and I eat it.
03:27What kind of car does a sheep drive?
03:30A Lamborghini.
03:31And when it needs gas, it goes straight to the bar station.
03:36Do you know what's red and smells like blue paint?
03:39It's easy.
03:40It's red paint.
03:44Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to class?
03:48Because his students were so bright.
03:52Why did the cat lose the toilet paper run game?
03:55Because he got wiped out.
04:00Sorry to be late.
04:01There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
04:03I was not helping him, Tay.
04:05I was standing on the bill.
04:08What did the triangle say to the circle?
04:11You're pointless.
04:16What do you call a bird that can't stop stealing?
04:19A Robin hoodlum.
04:20Get it.
04:21A Robin hoodlum.
04:23What do you call a bunny with fleas?
04:27Bugs bunny.
04:31What do you call a pig that knows karate?
04:36A pork chop.
04:40What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
04:43A headbanger.
04:47When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
04:55Why did the scarecrow win an award?
04:59Because he was outstanding in his field.
05:03Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
05:06Because they'd be bagels.
05:09That is too funny.
05:12Why do cows wear bells?
05:14Because their horns don't work.
05:19Why did the pig break up with the chicken?
05:22He said, you're just not my egg-cellent type.
05:26That's terrible.
05:28I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places, and he told me to stop going to
05:33those places.
05:36What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie?
05:38So fish-ticated.
05:44So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, why the long face?
05:51Why did the magician stop telling bird jokes?
05:55Because he kept getting eggs-asperated.
05:59What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
06:03Time to get a new fence.
06:08Why don't scientists trust atoms?
06:10Because they make up everything.
06:14That's a good one.
06:16I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
06:19She looked surprised.
06:24Why do birds fly south in the winter?
06:26Because it's much too far to walk.
06:29She looked so fast.
06:29Tell your head.
06:30She said, do you have a good luck?
06:30I thought I had a good luck.
06:30I thought I was a really bad luck.
06:31I thought I'd been to, yeah.
06:31I thought I'd be the only one of our friends.
06:31I thought I was a very good luck with you.
06:31Where are you, dude?
06:31People have my arms.
06:31I thought I was about to leave this.
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