- 16 hours ago
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:03That's right, haha, you're gonna die, Louis, you're gonna die, oh no, game over.
00:37What the hell? I was just in my room. How the hell did I end up here?
00:48Hey, hey, excuse me.
00:54New brides in town, faxes move your boots to the town square, right now.
01:00Hey, Joey, didn't you hear? They're handing out brides.
01:04Fine, stay single, you broke-ass bastard. They're gonna move you to the front lines next month.
01:19Holy crap, I actually respawned inside that Western game I've been playing?
01:23And this Joey guy, he went broke and starved to death, and that's supposed to be me?
01:28What kind of hell mode started this?
01:34All right, boys, you all heard the news.
01:37We're fighting the Southern Army, and we're running out of man.
01:40So, by the New Population Settlement Act, every bachelor's gotta pick himself a war widow as a housemate.
01:48It's time to release the new brides.
02:14Sweet Jesus. Women like that out here in cow-shaped country?
02:23I'll take this one, sir.
02:25Skin smoothest fresh milk.
02:28Just my type.
02:29Oh, God. His beard looks disgusting. Please not me.
02:34Huh? Whose voice is that?
02:36That one! Look at those hips. She can pop up five kids easy and still run a ranch. I'll take
02:41her.
02:41Disgusting peasants! How dare he look at me like that? He ought to be hanged for it.
02:47Another woman's voice?
02:49No way. I'm hearing their thoughts.
02:56Main quest Kings of the West activated. Your mission, crush your enemies.
03:01Roll the wild. Win the ultimate mystery reward.
03:04Heads up your fate is now tangled with three key women.
03:07Raise their affection, and you'll unlock exclusive loots, bonus quests, and even a few steamy plot quests.
03:14Enjoy the ride.
03:15No way. I've got a cheat system?
03:18Time to flip the script, cowboy.
03:25No way. I've got a cheat system?
03:28Hold on. These women ain't for free.
03:32For every woman you pick, it's 500 pounds of corn or goods of equal value.
03:38Every month.
03:40This poor guy I'm stuck in. He barely had feet for his horses.
03:44How am I supposed to afford a housemate?
03:49Nobody moves!
03:50By order of the mayor, every bachelor must pick at least one housemate.
03:57Disobey, and you're marching to the front line.
04:00The front line?
04:03That's a dead sandwich.
04:06You never thought I, Sadie Adler, the fastest gun in the West, would end up like damn cattle at a
04:12market.
04:13I'll take her.
04:14Look at those arms. Do not got a bull. She'll get the job done for sure.
04:24You!
04:26Not you, you two scrawny. One bad storm and you're gone.
04:29I ain't buying no dead weight. That one's solid. I'll take her.
04:35Dude, are they picking wives or horses?
04:39You're supposed to breed with her, not racer, dude.
04:45What are you waiting for, Joey? Pick one. Now!
05:00Three gorgeous women. Damn, who am I supposed to choose?
05:04I'm the governor's daughter. I'd rather be captured by savages than touched by this filthy gold digger.
05:09Oh, well. A fallen noble one. But the banner's got no idea who she really is.
05:15That one looks less stupid than the rest. And his eyes aren't so annoying.
05:19If I go with them, maybe I'll get a chance to escape. And finish my revenge.
05:23Aha! A tough one with a revenge arc. Solid pick. Zero risk of boredom. High survival rate.
05:31Sir, please pick me. You can cook, clean, whatever you need. I'll be good, I promise.
05:38Now that is enthusiasm. Alright, I guess I'll take this sweet little thing.
05:43Stop daydreaming, Joey. Pick one. Or I'll ship your sorry ass to the front line.
05:49Alright. Alright, I pick.
05:53Warning. Abandoning any affection target will result in main quest failure. You will die instantly.
06:00What the hell? I couldn't get one girlfriend in real life, and now I legally have to have three?
06:07These three beauties do all have their distinct charms. Watch me conquer them. One by one.
06:16Ladies. Such a tough choice breaks a man's heart. I choose.
06:23A real man never needs to choose. I'll take all of them.
06:30What? You're taking all three? You broke ass piece of shit. God damn bastard. Now what the hell am I
06:38supposed to play with tonight?
06:40Come on, ladies. Let's go back to, uh, home.
06:52Hey, Joey. Marrying three at once, huh?
06:57You think that shit hole your mama left you can really handle that kind of trouble?
07:00Or maybe you're trying to get fucked to death, skip out on the grain tax, and die like some kind
07:06of legend in your own wet dream.
07:12What the hell, Ella? Will you marry me?
07:15Bro, damn! You really thought you stood a fucking chance, huh?
07:20You're a fucking joke, Joey. You're broke, boring, and not worth my time. We're done, loser.
07:26Wait, no, Ella. Ella!
07:28Isn't this the guy my ex was cheating on me with?
07:32Looks like he doesn't recognize me.
07:35Hey, I'm talking to you. You daft for something? Hello?
07:38And now he's Bill the Bastard.
07:41The original Joey starved to death because he stole the last coin off him.
07:45Time to settle this score.
07:46Fuck off, trash.
07:50You dare hit me? Kill him!
07:54Looking for trouble, huh?
07:58Well, looky here, sugar. Already standing up for your man, huh?
08:02Fair warning. Joey here's dick is about as soft as his punch.
08:06Two pumps in and he's already done! You won't even have time to moan!
08:10Why don't you ladies come and ride something that'll really make you scream?
08:14Oh, yeah! Come to daddy!
08:16Figures. A real coward, after all.
08:19You hear me, boy? You worth this piece of trash?
08:22Get on your knees.
08:24Don't hide behind your woman like some kind of little bitch.
08:32Frank made it pretty clear.
08:35This whole marriage per population thing is, uh, the law.
08:40So, if you want to stop me from taking my wives home, you're taking on the law itself!
08:47What the hell did I just hear?
08:50Are you messing with official business now, Bill?
08:53You got a death wish, boy?
08:57Hey, look, man. Okay, okay.
08:59Joey and I were just fooling around. We didn't mean nothing by it.
09:02We're all friends, you see?
09:09That cowardly bastard.
09:11Once I get my sister rewards, you're the first one I'm taking down.
09:17Come on, ladies. Let's go home.
09:24Damn, Joey. I'll watch you choke on this month's chaos!
09:29Alright, come on in.
09:35Well, ladies.
09:37Home sweet home.
09:41Oh, my God.
09:42This place wouldn't even pass as a shelter in the 21st century.
09:46Hell, the rats probably leave a few corn kennels out of pity.
09:50It's a work in progress.
09:56I'm sorry.
09:59No, sir.
10:01If it weren't for you, I would have been sold to a brothel by now.
10:04I'm truly grateful.
10:05And I'll do everything I can to be a good housewife.
10:11Ah, my little angel, Lily.
10:14Her affection is skyrocketing.
10:17This dump is worse than our army stables.
10:20Give it a day and we'll starve to death.
10:23Gratitude?
10:24Please.
10:28Left again?
10:31Isabella's gonna be the death of me.
10:35Sorry, sir.
10:36I haven't eaten in two days.
10:39Don't be sorry.
10:44You know what?
10:45Don't worry about a thing.
10:47Lunch is on me.
10:48Gourmet style.
10:54Okay.
11:05Well, girls, looks like we're family now.
11:08My name's Lily.
11:09My family used to own a ranch until a gang cleared us out.
11:12My only hope is to make this place our home.
11:15And...
11:16Live is one.
11:23Sadie.
11:24Sadie Adler.
11:26Stick with me.
11:28And if that Joey tries anything, Shady, I've got your bags.
11:32Live is one?
11:34More like live is one in a shared grave.
11:46All right, system.
11:48Time to shine.
11:53No, no.
11:58It's really good.
12:00Yeah.
12:01I'm not.
12:03I'm not.
12:13I'm not.
12:16Anyway, you're not.
12:19is probably bigger than the whole town's combined.
12:23Mr. Joe doesn't seem like the breaking type.
12:25I'm sure if he said he'd get us food,
12:27he won't let us starve.
12:29Please, with how broke he is,
12:31you'd be lucky to get some dried cactus,
12:34a couple of lizards, maybe even some bugs.
12:36That stuff, I don't go near it.
12:39She's not wrong.
12:40With the war drinking supplies
12:41and this place being so far out in the sticks,
12:44it's a miracle anyone here survives,
12:46let alone a broke cowboy like Joey.
13:02Ladies, what'd you serve?
13:05This looks amazing, Mr. Joe.
13:08What about, we actually got real food?
13:24Here, sweetheart. Try this.
13:30What did you just call me?
13:31It's Isabella, not your sweetheart.
13:35That filthy cowboy!
13:37I'm the daughter of the Dalash's governor.
13:39How dare he flirt with me like some common bar girl?
13:44Raising her affection is going to be tough.
13:47But if I can crack that shell,
13:49I bet the reward's going to be worth it.
13:52You want to play the proud princess?
13:54Fine.
13:55Challenge accepted.
14:04Mr. Joe, this is amazing.
14:07Even when my family had their ranch,
14:08I wish we never had anything this good.
14:11Such a chisel.
14:13Poor thing's just never seen real food before.
14:15Unlike me, I was raised on fine dinners and proper manners.
14:19Stuff like this doesn't impress me.
14:25You even got fresh meat for the noodles.
14:31He's dirt poor, yet he's still shared something
14:33that's rare with us.
14:35Guess he's a man I can trust.
14:48What is this?
14:50It's incredible.
14:51Better than any fine wine I've ever had.
14:57Oops.
15:00So, the proud lady's got a sweet tooth.
15:03I guess this challenge is going to be easier than I thought.
15:12I never heard a kiss with her!
15:15It's real!
15:18I've never heard anything last.
15:20I've never heard anything last.
15:20Yes, you have!
15:21I've never heard anything last.
15:29Pervert.
15:31Get down.
15:33Julia, what are you doing?
15:41So this is what it feels like to have three wives at once?
15:44Oh my god.
15:46I have no idea what to do with them.
15:48We were thinking we would take the bed.
15:51You don't mind, do you?
15:53Oh, I don't.
15:59You take one step near that bed.
16:02And I'll cut your...
16:06hand off.
16:12Yeah, you guys take the bed.
16:14I'll figure something out.
16:19Wrong moment, little buddy.
16:29Calling it a night already?
16:31Damn, you are one eager son of a bitch.
16:39What are you doing here, Bill?
16:41I thought you all would be starving by now for the last three days.
16:44Look what I've got for you.
16:51I'll make your deal, Joey.
16:54One bag of corn for just one night
16:55with that big-titted, tiny-waisted woman of yours
16:59just as she's rolling her eyes back in her head
17:01and can barely breathe.
17:04Are you serious?
17:05Yeah, well, I knew you'd be agreeable.
17:08Like that.
17:12Besides,
17:13what kind of limp-dick loser like him
17:16could satisfy a woman like you?
17:20Now that bag of corn could feed you all for three days!
17:22That's a hell of a bargain!
17:24Besides,
17:24this one doesn't seem as sweet on Joey
17:26as that little
17:27bunny lily over there.
17:30I reckon he could make it a smart choice
17:32getting rid of this one.
17:33I'd rather bat my own tongue off
17:34than go near you.
17:37If you're gonna die, sweetheart,
17:39it'll be under me!
17:40Get your filthy hands off me,
17:42you little ex-scum!
17:45Compared to this animal,
17:46Joey seems almost nowhere.
17:48and yet I kept mocking him,
17:50mocking him down on him.
17:51No wonder he gave up on me.
17:54Maybe that's what I deserve.
18:09Sadie's affection has increased to 15.
18:14You just touched my wife,
18:15didn't you?
18:21Are you fucking nuts?
18:22You dare put your hands on me?
18:24I'll blow your sorry ass to hell!
18:31Let's see who gets to hell first.
18:34Now, now, little lady.
18:36I didn't mean it like that.
18:41You really think
18:42I'd only carry
18:43one gun with me?
18:45Let's see who's faster
18:46on the trigger, shall we?
18:51System?
18:52Give me a gun.
18:54I'll take out a loan
18:54and pay you back
18:55as soon as their affection goes up,
18:57I swear.
18:58Sorry.
18:58Loans are not supported.
19:00Oh, shit!
19:02Now, now, pretty lady.
19:03Let's not make this rough.
19:05Why don't you take off your clothes,
19:07kneel,
19:08and give me a blowjob.
19:09Maybe I'll forget about that punch
19:11and let your man here live.
19:12What do you think?
19:13Take it out on me.
19:15You touch them,
19:16you'll regret it.
19:19You can go to hell,
19:21you arrogant pile of crap!
19:29Take it out on me.
19:31You touch them,
19:32you'll regret it.
19:34Even with a gun to his head,
19:36he still chooses to protect us?
19:38Even back in Dalassus
19:39as the governor's daughter,
19:41no one's ever treated me like this.
19:43Detecting affection changes.
19:46Isabella,
19:465 to 7.
19:48Sati,
19:4815 to 25.
19:51Congratulations.
19:52A new reward is now available.
19:54Do you still want a gun?
19:55Yes, I do.
19:57Then you can go to hell,
19:59you arrogant pile of crap!
20:14What the hell?
20:15Where the hell did you get a gun?
20:16You don't know half the things I got.
20:19Now,
20:19why don't you apologize
20:20to these ladies?
20:24Apologize?
20:24Do you know who my brother is?
20:26Well,
20:26your brother ain't here.
20:27So don't ask me useless questions
20:29unless you want to see
20:29how fast this gun really is.
20:31And now,
20:31we've got two guns.
20:33Now,
20:34tell me,
20:34which finger did you use
20:36to try to touch my wife?
20:38Okay,
20:39okay,
20:40look,
20:40I'm sorry,
20:41man,
20:41I shouldn't have tried
20:41to touch your wife.
20:42I'm sorry.
20:47My brother's a sheriff!
20:48He's gonna hear about this!
20:49Screw you,
20:50Joey!
21:01Joey,
21:02are you okay?
21:03You know,
21:04this gun's only got one bullet.
21:13He actually passed out
21:15from fear.
21:16How embarrassing.
21:21Well,
21:21given the situation,
21:23staying and fainting
21:24still beats running away.
21:26Guess that makes him a man.
21:28Oh my gosh.
21:29What's it called
21:30when someone says one thing
21:32and means another?
21:33Only one bullet in your gun
21:35and you still went
21:36after that bastard?
21:38How to say,
21:39Joey,
21:39you're one of the bravest men
21:40I've ever met.
21:44But we're out of bullets now.
21:46What are we gonna do,
21:47Joey?
21:50I have no idea.
21:53But I'll figure something out.
21:56Affection update.
21:58Sadie,
21:5825 to 27.
22:00Lily,
22:0125 to 35.
22:03Isabella,
22:047 to 10.
22:05Wow.
22:06That was fast.
22:07But I gotta keep
22:08raising their affections
22:09and cash in on more
22:10of these rewards
22:10if I wanna survive
22:11this savage west.
22:19Now on,
22:21we get the bed.
22:22You can take the floor.
22:24And,
22:24if you're trying
22:25anything funny,
22:28I'll make sure
22:29you never walk again.
22:30Not that you got
22:31any bullets anyways.
22:36Don't worry.
22:38I'll wait until the day
22:38you actually want me there.
22:40Three gorgeous wives,
22:42all within arm's reach,
22:44and I can't touch
22:45a damn thing.
22:46What kind of a cool joke
22:47is this?
22:51Sadie saved him today.
22:53He must like her more now.
22:55I need to do something.
22:57Something to make him
22:58see me.
23:04What the heck?
23:05What's going on?
23:07Mr. Joe,
23:10you're a good man.
23:12I wanna be your wife.
23:14Trying to win him over,
23:15huh?
23:15A man like Joey
23:16don't come around often
23:17in times like these.
23:19Maybe it's time
23:19I'm gonna make my move.
23:28Sadie can fight for him.
23:30Really can win him
23:31over with her sweetness.
23:32And me,
23:33if Joey decides
23:34I'm not with the trouble,
23:36what's left for me?
23:37Maybe
23:39I should stop
23:39holding back too.
23:41The other girls
23:42are sitting right there.
23:43Maybe we should have.
23:46I'm fine.
23:52Let me do this for you,
23:54Mr. Joe.
24:16I don't know.
24:26But I don't want to wake the other girls, so I'll just give you a massage to help you relax.
24:32I hope you don't mind.
24:34Damn, fine.
24:35She's right.
24:37If things get too loud and the other two wake up, I'm screwed.
24:40Their affection would drop fast.
24:42Gotta think long term.
24:44Hold it together, man.
24:47No, it's fine.
24:49You're not ready yet.
24:51When the time comes, we'll do it right.
24:54Thank you, Mr. Joe.
24:56Meeting you is the luckiest thing that's ever happened to me.
25:00Congratulations.
25:01Lily's affection has reached 40.
25:03You've earned a milestone reward.
25:06Wow.
25:07Lily's got it down to an art.
25:09She's practically built to raise affection points.
25:12Uh, Lily, why don't you tell me about yourself?
25:14I'd love to know more about you.
25:18Um, sure.
25:21Okay.
25:23My family used to go to a ranch until...
25:28When the Northern Army pushed south, a game called the Lucky Wolves followed.
25:33They took our land.
25:35They took everything.
25:37My parents were killed right in front of me.
25:40Help me!
25:43And I was the only one who survived.
25:47Don't cry, Lily.
25:48I'll make sure those bastards pay for what they did.
25:58If you get justice for her, Joey, will you do the same for me?
26:14Oh, morning, neighbor.
26:22Oh, man, Joey.
26:23You're not strong.
26:25Bill shot your damn nut clean off.
26:28What the hell are you talking about?
26:30Not your horse, remember?
26:32I brought him a few days ago, and I was going to bring him back today.
26:35But he snorted at Bill, and that crazy bastard shot him dead.
26:40That bastard?
26:41He killed my horse?
26:44I'm going to kill him.
26:45You can't go after him.
26:46His brother, Clint Crook, is the sheriff of this town.
26:49He's right.
26:49You can't go out there.
26:51They're all in on it.
26:52Yeah.
26:52Sounds like a setup to me.
26:54They're probably waiting to ambush you.
26:57Figures.
26:57A real coward, after all.
27:00If I handle this perfectly, and come out looking like a superhero in front of these three, their affection will
27:06spike.
27:07System, unlock Milestone Reward.
27:10Milestone Reward unlocked.
27:11Congratulations.
27:13You've obtained the skill Bullet Time and five Causality rounds.
27:17Bullet Time enhances your perception, making enemies move in slow motion.
27:21Causality.
27:22Rounds guarantee a perfect hit.
27:24Once fired, they will strike the target.
27:33Perfect.
27:34Just what I needed.
27:39Nobody kills my horse and gets away with it.
27:42Ladies, I'll be back.
27:47Mr. Joe, please come back safely.
27:50He's got guts.
27:52I like it.
27:53Guess I'll take him on.
27:54See where this goes.
27:56He's braver than I thought.
27:57I guess I underestimated him.
27:59Look at me.
28:01Cowboy, facing Dawn in danger.
28:03Riding up to meet my fate.
28:06Still.
28:07Going in there empty-handed?
28:10Better not get himself killed.
28:13Oh.
28:16Shit.
28:17Shit.
28:41Got to say, tough horse, but the meat ain't half bad.
28:46That horse got what was coming to him just like its only will.
28:49A useless piece of shit thinks he can punch me.
28:51You gotta show him what happens when you mess with a crook!
28:54Of course, I'll rough him up for you.
28:56But you gotta understand, Bill.
28:58That man's flat-busting.
29:00His horse was his whole life.
29:02Now you taking it, he might come back for blood.
29:06He wouldn't buy it if I told him to lick my balls.
29:09He wouldn't buy it if I told him to lick my balls.
29:18He wouldn't buy it if I told him to lick my balls.
29:22You killed my horse, Bill.
29:25Now you're gonna pay.
29:27Look who it is.
29:28Spineless bastard himself.
29:31This sissy used to cross the street when he saw me coming.
29:36Now he's got balls to lick up.
29:39Sissy Joey!
29:41Sissy Joey!
29:42Sissy Joey!
29:45Sissy Joey!
29:45Clint Crook.
29:47The town sheriff.
29:49But look at him.
29:50More thug than lawmen.
29:52Hell, he's worse than the outlaws he's supposed to chase.
29:54Well, all right, boys.
29:57Make the sissy bleed.
29:59But don't send him to his grave.
30:02Yet.
30:03You boys probably don't know this,
30:05but Joey's got three gorgeous women waiting at home for him.
30:09I think once we make him bleed, we'll have our way with them, huh?
30:12We are gonna string them up and have our fun!
30:19Oh, no.
30:20So many of them.
30:21Looks like Joey's as good as dead.
31:16You
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