- 14 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:04So I'm fighting the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08All right, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:13Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:21Hi!
00:00:23Just play along.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:30Hey, hey!
00:00:52You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:58If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:02I don't want you to stop.
00:01:04Oh, my God!
00:01:07Oh, my God!
00:01:12Oh, my God!
00:01:13Now, my God!
00:01:34Ah, I was so drunk last night.
00:01:37I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:50Happy New Year.
00:01:52Sam, it's me.
00:01:53Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:55I don't care how.
00:01:57Just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:05Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:07Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:10I need grandkids.
00:02:12I need you to...
00:02:13Message received, Mom.
00:02:14I need to go now.
00:02:16I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:26Seven years.
00:02:27Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:29And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:39Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:41Boss, it's been years.
00:02:46I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:48Your vest, sir.
00:02:50But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:52She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:54Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:55And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:58We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:01Good.
00:03:02Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:10I can't wait to meet my new daddy.
00:03:14I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:16Now, Auntie Debra and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:21Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:23It's just for Christmas.
00:03:25But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:27Where's my real one?
00:03:36I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:38Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:48Daddy!
00:03:49No!
00:03:50What?
00:03:56Daddy!
00:03:57No!
00:03:58I'm sorry.
00:04:00I'm not your dad.
00:04:02No, I know you're my daddy.
00:04:03Just as handsome as I've...
00:04:05Oh.
00:04:06Mommy, hurry!
00:04:07Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:16I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:20He's gorgeous.
00:04:27Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:30She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:32Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:33You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:36So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:38See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:41Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:43What's your name?
00:04:44Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:47Max, Aurelius.
00:04:48Eva.
00:04:49I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:54I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:56I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:06$1,000 an hour?
00:05:07Well, yeah.
00:05:09It's $500 a day.
00:05:11Is that enough?
00:05:13That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:14Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:16That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:18You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:20Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:22I play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy
00:05:27family.
00:05:27And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:34So, she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:37Fine.
00:05:38But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:43Okay.
00:05:44Deal.
00:05:47Okay.
00:05:47You ready to go get married?
00:06:02Wow.
00:06:03Clean up nice.
00:06:04It's my wedding day, after all.
00:06:07Pictures.
00:06:10What's up?
00:06:15Yeah, guys, you're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:39Okay.
00:06:41I think we got it.
00:06:43Oh, I need some photos of us together, too, to prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have
00:06:49a happy family.
00:06:50Yeah, of course.
00:07:02Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:04From my family to you.
00:07:14Bad news, boss.
00:07:15The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:19Wait, she bailed?
00:07:20Then who is...
00:07:24Who is she?
00:07:26Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:29I've got what I need.
00:07:33Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:34I already found someone.
00:07:41Okay.
00:07:41Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:44Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:47I should come.
00:07:49Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:53I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:55It will make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:01Okay.
00:08:02You can come.
00:08:10Let's go.
00:08:11Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:15No, let's go to the bank.
00:08:21What the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:32Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:44So, when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:51I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:54Oh, so, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
00:09:00we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:09:06Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues, or...?
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no...
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:14This is strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:20What?
00:09:21Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:24I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:09:27getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:30Let's go.
00:09:37Here.
00:09:38What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:44Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship,
00:09:47and I don't want your money.
00:09:51Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies?
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies.
00:09:58Did I hear this right?
00:09:58They're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go.
00:10:01Go.
00:10:01What are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:06You ready?
00:10:06Yes, yeah.
00:10:07Just these things.
00:10:08Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:11Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:10:16deal.
00:10:17Oh, great.
00:10:18Yeah.
00:10:18What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:20Well, you get a move on.
00:10:22I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:28Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:30Okay, thank you.
00:10:33Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:53Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:54Not the pies.
00:10:55Not the pies.
00:10:56You can just set those on top.
00:11:02Hi, guys.
00:11:04And I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:10Of course.
00:11:11Thank you so much.
00:11:12Of course.
00:11:13I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:15She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:17Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:19Just to give it away.
00:11:22Merry Christmas.
00:11:22Bye.
00:11:23Merry Christmas.
00:11:28What?
00:11:29Do you do that often?
00:11:31As often as I can.
00:11:37We should go.
00:11:38We got to pick up paper.
00:11:42Sit.
00:11:42Watch out.
00:12:02You done feeling me up?
00:12:05Shut up.
00:12:06Oh, sorry.
00:12:06I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:08Yeah, we'll stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:15And don't be late.
00:12:28Harrison Group?
00:12:29Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:32Sort of.
00:12:33Not that I'm judging.
00:12:35I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:40Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:43I think that's respectable.
00:12:46Can we pick another company?
00:12:47No.
00:12:48Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:50And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:51My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:53So, it's perfect.
00:12:58Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:13:02Don't worry.
00:13:03Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:05I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:08Too much.
00:13:29Let's go, Sam.
00:13:31It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:33Hold on, you're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
00:13:38It's my daughter's.
00:13:40Daughter's?
00:13:42Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:59Hey, there they are!
00:14:02Nice to meet you!
00:14:04Aw, Dad.
00:14:05So much, you made it.
00:14:06Oh, I missed you.
00:14:08So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:13He's coming.
00:14:14Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:16Good, good, good.
00:14:18So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:22When's he arriving?
00:14:23Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:28Poor thing.
00:14:29Not surprising.
00:14:30I mean, she's 30.
00:14:32Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:35Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:41This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:44Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:49We're only worried about you.
00:14:52All these years without a husband.
00:14:54Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:56You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:59And look what happened.
00:15:00She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:04I'm not alone.
00:15:06Mm-hmm.
00:15:07And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:12He's a manager.
00:15:14Manager?
00:15:15Of what?
00:15:16Trash?
00:15:19Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:23You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:27Actually, he's right here.
00:15:31Oh, wow.
00:15:33Wow.
00:15:35He is really good looking.
00:15:37Ah, must be AI.
00:15:39Mm-hmm.
00:15:40Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:43Fake.
00:15:44That's enough.
00:15:45She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:47Show some respect.
00:15:49Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:15:55Well, guess what?
00:15:57William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:00Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:03That's half a million.
00:16:05Half a million.
00:16:06Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:10And speak of the devil.
00:16:15Willie, you made it.
00:16:27There you are.
00:16:29Oh, look at you now.
00:16:32Living the dream.
00:16:33Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:35Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:41So married, huh?
00:16:43Is it serious?
00:16:45That's what marriage is.
00:16:46It's pretty serious.
00:16:48Wow.
00:16:49You must have rushed the tithing out, huh?
00:16:52Makes sense, though.
00:16:53You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:56Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:59A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:17:02Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:05That's right.
00:17:07Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:11Women love a man in red.
00:17:13Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:15When I sit on my lap.
00:17:18Don't touch me.
00:17:19Oh, so entitled.
00:17:21Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:25And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:29I mean, look at that car.
00:17:32Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:35Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:39Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:43I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:51My mom would never marry.
00:17:52She already has a husband.
00:17:54He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:59Is that so?
00:18:00Well, then, where is he?
00:18:03Because I don't see him.
00:18:05Does anyone see him?
00:18:08Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:14That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:16And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:22Hey.
00:18:23Mommy.
00:18:24Hey, are you okay?
00:18:25I see your hands.
00:18:26Oh, my God.
00:18:28I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:30Come on, honey.
00:18:31Let's go.
00:18:32What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:35How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:39Let me go.
00:18:40Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:45Let me go.
00:18:49Let me go.
00:19:00Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:08Max, you came.
00:19:10Don't worry, sweetie.
00:19:13Where's Piper?
00:19:15William Hitter.
00:19:17Mom, Dad, I'd take her inside.
00:19:19Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:22Well, well, well.
00:19:23If it isn't the Waste Marager I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:27That's right.
00:19:29Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:33Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:35It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:36I'm Max.
00:19:38Eva told us all about you.
00:19:39From New York.
00:19:40Polite.
00:19:41Handsome.
00:19:42Just like she said.
00:19:44Wow.
00:19:45He was an AI.
00:19:47See?
00:19:48He's real.
00:19:49And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:52You son of a bitch.
00:19:54You just ruined my suit.
00:19:55And watch the way that you drive that...
00:19:57That pristine automobile.
00:19:59That car.
00:20:01Oh, my God.
00:20:02That's worth more than a house.
00:20:05That car.
00:20:06It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:10Wait.
00:20:12Are you?
00:20:17Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:20And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:22I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:24You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:26You stole it.
00:20:27That car belongs to the CEO of my company.
00:20:30Jesus.
00:20:31How did he get away with it?
00:20:32That's what I want to know.
00:20:34Enough.
00:20:35Please.
00:20:37I trust my daughter.
00:20:39She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:42Max, be honest with me.
00:20:45Where did that car come from?
00:20:47How much did you want for it?
00:20:49I'll pay you more money than you'd make in three lifetimes.
00:20:53So?
00:20:54You need a breath, man.
00:20:58All right, that's it.
00:20:59I'm calling the cops.
00:21:00Oh, way ahead of you.
00:21:02Wait.
00:21:03What?
00:21:04Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:07Oh, well.
00:21:09Too late.
00:21:15Listen, hon.
00:21:16I believe you.
00:21:18But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:22Mr. Smith.
00:21:23Don't worry.
00:21:24It's my car, OK?
00:21:25It's not stolen.
00:21:26Yeah?
00:21:27If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:29Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:32Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:34OK.
00:21:35I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:36But then you have to get lost.
00:21:38And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:41Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:43Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:45Loser!
00:21:46Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:51Jesus.
00:21:52Jesus, maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:54It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:58Here.
00:21:59Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:10Mr. Harrison?
00:22:12Mr. Harrison?
00:22:16Mr. Harrison?
00:22:18Just play alone.
00:22:20Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:22Now get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:26Yes, sir!
00:22:27I'm so sorry, sir!
00:22:28I...
00:22:29I...
00:22:30I...
00:22:30Please, take my serious apologies.
00:22:31Please.
00:22:41Oh, that William?
00:22:44What a jerk, huh?
00:22:46He fooled me.
00:22:47What can I say?
00:22:48Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:22:52Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:22:54Oh, come on, Evelyn.
00:22:55We were just looking out for you.
00:22:57Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:23:00You know my youngest son is graduating.
00:23:02Soon.
00:23:02Do you think that, uh, you could help him get his foot in the door?
00:23:06A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:11We are family, aren't we?
00:23:13Family takes care of each other.
00:23:16If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone else.
00:23:20Abigail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:23:24Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:23:27Yeah.
00:23:28I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:23:30My daughter is just far too busy.
00:23:33For your best life, my new son-in-law.
00:23:36Come on, guys.
00:23:37Let's go in.
00:23:38Welcome to the family.
00:23:42Welcome.
00:23:43Come on in.
00:23:44Come on in.
00:23:47This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:50You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:23:53My fault?
00:23:54You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:23:58Oh!
00:24:08Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:10And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:12And how do you...
00:24:13I told you.
00:24:13I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:16I have a friend in high places.
00:24:18A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:23Yes.
00:24:24It's the season of giving.
00:24:25He knows people.
00:24:27Has connections.
00:24:28He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:24:31You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:24:32Yeah, and you best not forget it.
00:24:34Capisce?
00:24:34Oh, my God.
00:24:35Just don't blow your cover.
00:24:38Dad!
00:24:39Mom!
00:24:40Thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:24:43Oh, honey.
00:24:44We're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking...
00:24:50I think they get it, hon.
00:24:54Uh, how's Piper?
00:24:55Oh, she's fine.
00:24:57One of you guys just gets settled in, and we will go check on her.
00:25:00And if your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:25:05Great.
00:25:06See you in a bit, shall we?
00:25:08What are you doing?
00:25:11Okay.
00:25:13Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:18Relax.
00:25:19It was just a hug.
00:25:22Ugh.
00:25:24We just got here, and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:26You'll be okay.
00:25:28It's just one week.
00:25:29Kill me now.
00:25:30Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:25:37What are you doing?
00:25:39That's weird.
00:25:40They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago, and...
00:25:43I don't know.
00:25:44Something just feels off.
00:25:45Come on, Max.
00:25:46That's ridiculous.
00:25:47I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:25:49Make them a promise to prove it?
00:25:51I don't like this.
00:25:54Later.
00:25:57Let's go.
00:26:01Here we go.
00:26:04Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:26:06Everything looks amazing, and happy holidays.
00:26:08To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:12Oh.
00:26:13Welcome.
00:26:14Cheers.
00:26:15Thank you, Miss Smith.
00:26:16Looks great.
00:26:17Oh, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:19I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:26:23But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:26:27Mm.
00:26:28Oh, no.
00:26:29Mom's testing him.
00:26:30She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:26:31You mean to tell me you two are married, and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite
00:26:35food?
00:26:39Ow.
00:26:40Eva, sweetie.
00:26:42Kicking my foot.
00:26:43Oh, sorry, mom.
00:26:45Oh, jeez.
00:26:46Oh, jeez.
00:26:47It's okay.
00:26:48Look, mom, of course he knows it.
00:26:50I would like to hear Max say it.
00:27:0512 pumpkin pies.
00:27:06Did I hear this right?
00:27:07They're the best kind.
00:27:10Well, of course.
00:27:11It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:13See?
00:27:14Are you happy now?
00:27:16That's good, but something still falls off.
00:27:18Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:27:21We had a whirlwind romance, and we eloped before we got to know everything about each
00:27:27other.
00:27:27But our marriage is real.
00:27:29I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:27:33Ah, now those are quality.
00:27:37Okay, well, then answer this.
00:27:40Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:43Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:47I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:27:50Well, um, it's...
00:27:52Silly face.
00:27:53Dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:27:56Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:27:58Silly face.
00:28:01I am not paying extra for this.
00:28:03Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:28:05Those are blousers.
00:28:07It's nice.
00:28:09You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:11Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:15And I'm not just talking about William.
00:28:17I'll drink to that.
00:28:19I agree with you there.
00:28:21So come on, guys.
00:28:22Let's eat.
00:28:23Come on.
00:28:35And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:28:38I have another room set up for Piper.
00:28:41Nice and festive for you.
00:28:44No complications, right?
00:28:45Sorry, honey.
00:28:47Mom, you know what?
00:28:48I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:28:49Oh, honey, newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:28:54Oh, I just remembered.
00:28:56The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:28:58Something about water conservation.
00:29:00That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:29:0215 minutes?
00:29:05Honey, it's no big deal.
00:29:06Just shower together.
00:29:08Shower together?
00:29:12Just shower together.
00:29:14Okay, you guys.
00:29:15Have a good night, okay?
00:29:20You heard her.
00:29:41Whoa!
00:29:42Whoa!
00:29:43Why are you stripping?
00:29:45Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:48Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:49You have 15 minutes.
00:29:50Nice try.
00:29:51I am not showering with you.
00:29:53All right, sleep yourself.
00:29:55More room for me in there.
00:29:56Not if I meet you there first.
00:30:14Come on, Max.
00:30:16Get out of the way.
00:30:18We agree.
00:30:18Nothing physical.
00:30:19You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:22Relax.
00:30:22I won't touch you.
00:30:24Unless you say you want me to.
00:30:28But that'll cost extra.
00:30:39And your dreams.
00:30:42Free to join me.
00:31:02You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have me shower while you're left.
00:31:06You wish.
00:31:07Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:09You pray you'll fall for me?
00:31:11It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:14Oh, yeah?
00:31:15True.
00:31:26Holy shit.
00:31:34I'll say.
00:31:37What happened to all that cool guy confidence.
00:31:41Still think you can lose this?
00:31:44Baby.
00:31:45I don't think I want you.
00:31:51Max, I shut up.
00:31:56Or maybe we should.
00:31:57Good God.
00:31:59He's such a good kisser.
00:32:00Why does this feel so familiar?
00:32:20Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:22What?
00:32:23I didn't mean to cross any...
00:32:25It's not you, Max.
00:32:26It's us.
00:32:26It's this.
00:32:27This is all an act.
00:32:28Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:31You're right.
00:32:33I'm sorry.
00:32:35I just don't need to be sorry.
00:32:38Just...
00:32:45That birthmark.
00:32:51What is that?
00:32:53It's him.
00:32:54The man from New Year's.
00:32:56Is he Piper's father?
00:33:01Why are you acting?
00:33:04Oh, my God.
00:33:06Max is Piper's father.
00:33:08Are you okay?
00:33:10Yeah.
00:33:11I just, um...
00:33:12I just got lightheaded.
00:33:14I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:16Alone.
00:33:18Of course.
00:33:22We have a daughter together.
00:33:24Oh, my God.
00:33:25What do I do?
00:33:32I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
00:33:34You can take the bed.
00:33:36Thanks.
00:33:39Hey.
00:33:40Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:42Look, fake marriage aside,
00:33:44I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:46So if there's something you need,
00:33:48I can help.
00:33:49I want to help.
00:33:51He's Piper's father.
00:33:52He has a right to know.
00:33:55Um, Max,
00:33:58how would you feel
00:33:59if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:04A child?
00:34:06No, no, no.
00:34:07That's impossible.
00:34:08I'm very careful.
00:34:11Mostly.
00:34:14I just mean I'm not the type of guy
00:34:15to sleep around.
00:34:16Family to me is a big commitment,
00:34:18and I don't want any loose ends,
00:34:21you know?
00:34:23Right.
00:34:24He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:26I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:29Why do you ask?
00:34:31No reason.
00:34:32Just curious.
00:34:34No, I feel like you're
00:34:36going somewhere with this.
00:34:37What?
00:34:39No.
00:34:40Well, then,
00:34:41can I ask you a question?
00:34:44Shoot.
00:34:49Where did you get these?
00:34:51And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:53I did not get those.
00:34:55I don't know where those came from.
00:34:57Are you sure?
00:34:57You're just not trying to break the contract.
00:35:02Come on.
00:35:03Come on.
00:35:04Come on.
00:35:05Come on.
00:35:05Woo!
00:35:17Evan, the truth is,
00:35:19is that I...
00:35:23Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:25Just a second.
00:35:26Come in.
00:35:28Hey, hon.
00:35:29Oh, sorry for interrupting,
00:35:32but Piper is asking for a bedtime story
00:35:35before I tuck her in.
00:35:36Think you could take this one, Dad?
00:35:38We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:40I can see that.
00:35:42Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:35:44I mean, if you don't mind.
00:35:46Well, that a boy.
00:35:48You know what?
00:35:48Just put a shirt on.
00:35:49I'm going to go get her.
00:35:51Piper!
00:35:52Here comes Grandpa.
00:35:55He sprang to his sleigh,
00:35:57to his team gave a whistle,
00:35:59and away they all flew,
00:36:01like the down of a thistle.
00:36:03But I heard him exclaim
00:36:04as he drove out of sight,
00:36:07Merry Christmas to all,
00:36:09and to all,
00:36:10a good night.
00:36:14If Piper knew he was her real dad,
00:36:16she'd be over the moon.
00:36:18Good night, Piper.
00:36:23Is her dad still around?
00:36:25Yeah, but he doesn't know it,
00:36:27because you're her dad.
00:36:29Uh, no.
00:36:31That man has no idea
00:36:33what a treasure
00:36:35he's missing out on.
00:36:39Do you really think so?
00:36:41From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:43Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:45He deserves to know.
00:36:52Max.
00:36:57You're Piper's father.
00:37:05I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:17I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:31Where's Piper?
00:37:33She must have snuck off
00:37:35while we were asleep.
00:37:51God, he's such a good kisser.
00:38:01Just gonna kiss and run?
00:38:04Not on my watch.
00:38:09Yeah, this.
00:38:11I remember this.
00:38:22Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:38:25How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:28Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:29It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:31Wonderful.
00:38:32Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:36Oh, no.
00:38:37What is that?
00:38:38Sardines and saltines.
00:38:40It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:42It was my gram-grams favorite
00:38:44during wartime.
00:38:45Don't be shy.
00:38:46Go ahead and grab a handful.
00:38:48Max, you don't have to.
00:38:50No, no.
00:38:50It's okay.
00:38:51It's a Smith family staple.
00:38:54Oh, there we go.
00:39:03Yeah.
00:39:04Yeah.
00:39:12Good?
00:39:14Mm.
00:39:15Good?
00:39:16It's grumpy.
00:39:18Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:20You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:24Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:26That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda
00:39:28and her brood this year.
00:39:30What's the deal with them?
00:39:31Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:34Says Piper's a fatherless brat, and I'm...
00:39:38Hey, don't worry.
00:39:40I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:44Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:39:49Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up, then.
00:40:02Wait, that earring.
00:40:05Wait, that earring.
00:40:07You like it?
00:40:08I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:11Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:14I don't really remember the details,
00:40:15but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:20Right.
00:40:21Yeah, it's just a common earring.
00:40:23Anyone could have it.
00:40:24Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:26She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:30So Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:34But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:37What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:41An aging single mom.
00:40:43Slim pickings.
00:40:45I heard he's in waste management.
00:40:47That explains it.
00:40:49She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:40:52Oh, please, Miranda.
00:40:53Look, Ava is your niece.
00:40:55Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:40:57Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:41:01Her track record speaks for itself.
00:41:02Exactly.
00:41:03Not like my Sierra.
00:41:05Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:10Oh, they're here.
00:41:12Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:19Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:20Merry Christmas.
00:41:22You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:24I am.
00:41:25I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:41:27Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:28Welcome.
00:41:28You're Ava's husband.
00:41:31But you're gorgeous.
00:41:35But as handsome as you.
00:41:37Look at you two.
00:41:38You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:41Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:42Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:44This is from Max and I.
00:41:45Oh, my goodness.
00:41:46Thank you, Ava.
00:41:47Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:41:50Oops.
00:41:51Oh, my bad.
00:41:52Oh, a homemade gift.
00:41:55How thrifty.
00:41:56Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:41:58Mommy's right, you mean, I'll hack.
00:42:01You little.
00:42:04You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:42:08Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:12Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:14My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:17He could ruin your life.
00:42:30Mommy, are you okay?
00:42:32I'm fine.
00:42:33I'm just wet, huh?
00:42:34Yeah.
00:42:35It's okay.
00:42:35It's okay.
00:42:38What are you...
00:42:41Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:44Did you just slap me?
00:42:45Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:42:47You're a fucking psycho.
00:42:49You know what, Sierra?
00:42:50I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:42:55Her family.
00:42:57She means me.
00:43:02You okay, honey?
00:43:04Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:43:06Do something.
00:43:07You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:09I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:12Oh, wow.
00:43:13I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:43:18Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:21Let's call him.
00:43:22I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:25Please.
00:43:26Who do you think you are?
00:43:28Enough!
00:43:31There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:34Fine, Dad.
00:43:35Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:37They're just jealous.
00:43:40For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:42I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:43:46I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:43:50Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:43:51All right, that's enough.
00:43:53Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:44:15Is this a joke?
00:44:18Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:20Hold it.
00:44:20Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:22My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:28My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:32King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:38Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:41And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:44It's just petty.
00:44:45Maybe so.
00:44:46But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:44:51Fine.
00:44:52Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:44:54Come on, let's go.
00:44:55No, no.
00:44:56Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:44:59Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:45:02I know, dear.
00:45:04I just want to have our family together.
00:45:06Fine.
00:45:07We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:10Better a stray than a bitch.
00:45:11What was that?
00:45:15I just want to have our family together.
00:45:18Fine.
00:45:20We'll stay.
00:45:21Can I have a little napole?
00:45:23It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:24We'll get something right after.
00:45:27Like drive-thru?
00:45:28I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:31That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:36No strays.
00:45:37Ow.
00:45:38Sweetie, sweetie, are you okay?
00:45:39Yes, please.
00:45:41You hit my child.
00:45:42You're fucking crazy.
00:45:43Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:45:51Don't worry, baby.
00:45:52I'll handle it.
00:45:55Don't worry, baby.
00:45:57I'll handle it.
00:46:01Piper.
00:46:02Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:08Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:10Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:12As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:15Actually, I do.
00:46:17He's such a liar.
00:46:19This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:20Oh, it will be.
00:46:24Sam.
00:46:25Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:29I'm already on my way.
00:46:35Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:37I'm already on my way.
00:46:40You hear this guy?
00:46:41He wants the best king crab in the world from Antarctica.
00:46:46Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:46:49His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:46:51Max, what are you doing?
00:46:54Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:46:55Santa's already on his way.
00:46:57Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:06A helicopter?
00:47:14There's no way.
00:47:21How did you pull this off?
00:47:23Sam is like family.
00:47:24I thought I'd introduce you, too.
00:47:25Thanks, boss.
00:47:27Boss?
00:47:28Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:31Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:33Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:37I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:40You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:47:44Mm-hmm.
00:47:47Come on.
00:47:49You can stop kidding around.
00:47:50Because if you were the CEO, why would you be here
00:47:53pretending to be my husband?
00:47:55No, I actually am the CEO.
00:47:57Come on.
00:47:57You can stop the charade, okay?
00:47:59This is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:48:01Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:48:05Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:48:19How is this possible?
00:48:20This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:27Who are you?
00:48:29I told you.
00:48:30I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:31That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:34Wait.
00:48:34No.
00:48:35Hold on.
00:48:37You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:41You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:44Hmm.
00:48:45Some of the small ones.
00:48:47I mean, you know that.
00:48:49You work for me.
00:48:50Oh, God.
00:48:51I insulted my own boss.
00:48:53I'm finished.
00:49:00I insulted my own boss.
00:49:02I'm finished.
00:49:04Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:49:06Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:49:08Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:49:10For tonight, your feast ends.
00:49:12And with that, your career.
00:49:15You're fired.
00:49:16Fired?
00:49:17Sam.
00:49:22You're fired?
00:49:23Oh, God.
00:49:24I can't be fired.
00:49:26What?
00:49:28Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:29You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:31Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:49:33I'll do anything.
00:49:34Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:41And you.
00:49:43Oh, me?
00:49:45Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:47That was a Christmas joke.
00:49:48A family tradition.
00:49:50Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:49:53Sam.
00:49:57Will you do me the honors?
00:50:00Gladly.
00:50:05Merry Christmas, Aunt May.
00:50:09Father, do something.
00:50:11Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:13I'm leaving.
00:50:15Mm, pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:25Come on, sweetie.
00:50:26Daddy had this crab run in just for you.
00:50:29Eat as much as you want.
00:50:30Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:34I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:36I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:38Honestly?
00:50:40This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:43Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:44Just like this.
00:50:46Does he really mean that?
00:50:48Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:49I can't tell.
00:50:51And that terrifies me.
00:50:58Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:50:59I brought you a gift.
00:51:01Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:51:03Oh.
00:51:08Oh, this is wonderful.
00:51:12Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:51:14Tell me everything.
00:51:16Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:22Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:25A high school dropout?
00:51:27In the Harrison family?
00:51:30Not a chance.
00:51:34She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:38Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:39Silence.
00:51:40Get me the address where she works.
00:51:42It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:44That's nice.
00:51:45We own that one.
00:51:47Good work.
00:51:48But take off that stupid hat.
00:51:59You're welcome.
00:52:00Thanks.
00:52:01So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:52:07Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:52:09And how about you?
00:52:14Me?
00:52:15Yeah.
00:52:17Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:23Eva.
00:52:34That birthmark.
00:52:36Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:42Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:52:44So much we're not telling each other.
00:52:46Ugh.
00:52:48No feelings, no complications.
00:52:50That's what we agreed upon.
00:52:51Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:52:54Max.
00:52:55Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:52:57Well, it's cold.
00:53:00Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:53:03Max.
00:53:05I need to tell you something.
00:53:09Something important.
00:53:11What's gotten into her?
00:53:13Is she hiding something?
00:53:15Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:18I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:22Piper is...
00:53:27Piper is...
00:53:28Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:31Sweetie.
00:53:32Oh, my gosh.
00:53:32It's all swollen.
00:53:34Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:36Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:37Mommy's gonna go get a first date kit, okay?
00:53:42Come on, Piper.
00:53:46Okay, let me see.
00:53:49I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:53:54But that's not true.
00:53:55You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:53:59Uh...
00:54:00Daddy!
00:54:01No!
00:54:03Well...
00:54:08Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:14Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:18Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:19Really?
00:54:20Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:25You think you will scar?
00:54:28Hmm.
00:54:31I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:32Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:34I have one, too.
00:54:36Dad.
00:54:38I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:40Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:43Really?
00:54:44No way.
00:54:45No.
00:54:46It was actually a cactus.
00:54:47But it's still cool.
00:54:50I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:54:56Piper, how long have you had that?
00:54:58My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:55:06And how old are you?
00:55:07Six.
00:55:08Six?
00:55:09That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:12Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:14Ivar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:19What do I even say?
00:55:20And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:23Sorry, honey.
00:55:23This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:27Um, yeah.
00:55:31Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:33Ivar.
00:55:38Okay, look.
00:55:42Piper is...
00:55:48Go on.
00:55:55It must be an emergency.
00:55:57Excuse me.
00:55:59Sorry.
00:55:59I'll take this.
00:56:06Mommy, are you okay?
00:56:08Yeah.
00:56:11Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:13I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:19Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:21I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:56:25She's a high school dropout.
00:56:27Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:29And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:31I'm Eva's husband, Max.
00:56:34That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:42I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:43You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:45Your mother would take her away.
00:56:47After Christmas, it's over.
00:56:51Eva?
00:56:53Maximus?
00:56:53Are you even listening to me?
00:56:56No, Mom, Mom.
00:56:56Listen, I'm sorry, okay?
00:56:58Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:57:00I'm not leaving her.
00:57:03Eva?
00:57:14Oh, thank you.
00:57:15This is for you, Grandma.
00:57:22Oh, wow.
00:57:24That's so cool.
00:57:25Did you make it?
00:57:26Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:57:29Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:31Just glad you're here.
00:57:36Oh!
00:57:37Wow!
00:57:38Damn, these are nice.
00:57:40Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:47Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:49It's in the other room by the train set.
00:57:51I'll go with you.
00:57:52Remember the song that we sang?
00:57:54Ready?
00:57:54Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:57:57What have we got, guys?
00:57:58Billy.
00:57:58Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:58:04You never told me.
00:58:08Have we met before?
00:58:13Have we met before?
00:58:16She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:21I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:24Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:35I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:37Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:38They're very common.
00:58:38I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child,
00:58:42no matter how I feel about him.
00:58:46Maybe.
00:58:49Are you okay?
00:58:53Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:58:56No.
00:58:57I'm fine.
00:58:59Um.
00:59:01Oh, I almost forgot.
00:59:04I got you this.
00:59:06You got me a gift, too?
00:59:07Tis the season.
00:59:09Open it.
00:59:33Gloves.
00:59:35Did you make these?
00:59:37Yeah.
00:59:38I know this is a fake marriage,
00:59:40but that's Christmas.
00:59:42You've already done so much for me,
00:59:43I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:48How did I feel?
00:59:49Warm, right?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:52Warm.
00:59:54Soft.
00:59:58Perfect.
01:00:02Thank you, Eva.
01:00:04I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
01:00:08Really?
01:00:10Yeah, my mom.
01:00:11She partied all the time,
01:00:12and I got gifts.
01:00:14Plenty of them, but...
01:00:16I don't think she ever bought one herself.
01:00:20Nothing personal.
01:00:22Well, you deserve it.
01:00:24You're a good guy.
01:00:27And...
01:00:27someday you'll...
01:00:29find someone special
01:00:31to...
01:00:32spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:34What if that day's today?
01:00:39What if I already found someone special?
01:00:43Right here.
01:01:08Max.
01:01:09We can't...
01:01:11If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:01:19Come on.
01:01:20I don't want you to stop.
01:01:28No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:35Yes.
01:01:44I want you.
01:01:46I want you.
01:01:54Oh, God, you are trying to be fucking insane.
01:01:59Hunter!
01:02:10Piper?
01:02:13She can't see.
01:02:14She can't see.
01:02:31Eva?
01:02:36Grandma, I'm up here.
01:02:50That was way too close.
01:02:52Yeah.
01:02:53We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:02:58Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:03:03Can I still unwrap my present?
01:03:07You still haven't given me mine.
01:03:14Let me give it to you.
01:03:16Let me give it to you.
01:03:18Let me give it to you.
01:03:22Let me give it to you.
01:03:24Let me give it to you.
01:03:28Let me give it to you.
01:03:29Let me give it to you.
01:03:30Let me give it to you.
01:03:30Let me give it to you.
01:03:31Let me give it to you.
01:03:31Let me give it to you.
01:03:31Let me give it to you.
01:03:32Let me give it to you.
01:03:34Let me give it to you.
01:03:36Let me give it to you.
01:03:38Let me give it to you.
01:03:41Let me give it to you.
01:03:52Why are you calling me to serve me?
01:03:58Hello?
01:03:59Hello, Eva Smith.
01:04:01I'm Max's mother.
01:04:02Name your price.
01:04:03What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:04:07W-what?
01:04:08We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:04:11Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:04:15My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:04:19Piper is my daughter, and no amount of money you offer
01:04:22could ever make me give her up.
01:04:24So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own,
01:04:26but I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:04:31Well, there's my beautiful wife.
01:04:37You okay?
01:04:41Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:45So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:49What are you talking about?
01:04:51It's over.
01:04:52It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:57Eva, wait!
01:04:58Wait!
01:05:02So last night meant nothing to you?
01:05:08Well, Max, it's not real.
01:05:11None of it was real.
01:05:13So, this is just a goodbye?
01:05:17Didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:05:20Look.
01:05:22Last night, I let my guard down.
01:05:26But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:05:29And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:05:31Just tell me what you need.
01:05:34I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband,
01:05:37a good father.
01:05:38Just say the word.
01:05:45You don't get it.
01:05:47You don't get it.
01:05:50You don't get it.
01:05:55I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:06:02I won't give up on this.
01:06:19Are we here?
01:06:21Yes.
01:06:22As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:06:29Piper, sweetie, wake up.
01:06:31We're home.
01:06:36How can she just walk away?
01:06:45Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:47It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:49Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:52You promised.
01:06:54Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:56Can you do this for me, please?
01:07:00All right, fine.
01:07:01When?
01:07:03Two days.
01:07:04I'll come pick you up.
01:07:06No need.
01:07:07Just send me the address and I'll be there.
01:07:14I know you and mommy thought, but she still really likes you, so don't give up, okay, daddy?
01:07:22Thank you, sweetie.
01:07:24If there's one thing you should know about your daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:28I'm going pick you up.
01:07:42I'm going pick you up, too.
01:07:43I'm going pick you up.
01:07:45I'll go get it.
01:07:50I'll go get it.
01:07:51the truth boss boss lady and gentlemen i am so sorry i need to win back my family family
01:08:04boss you okay never better go get her max
01:08:13give it your best smile ah there he is maximus darling i have some prospects for you
01:08:22nice high society girls from the city
01:08:29oh i told you i already found the woman i love
01:08:39maximus stop this that evil woman is scamming your son tell me what kind of woman you want
01:08:48and i'll find you another you are heir to the harrison dynasty no i'm not oh i work in waste
01:08:57management and i'm a secret crime boss i'm eva's husband and i'm a father
01:09:04what
01:09:19that's her the woman who got my son head over heels
01:09:26hi welcome in can i help you find something i want to try those
01:09:33awesome i'll get them for you right away
01:09:36are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible
01:09:42no no no i know what i want size seven
01:09:48oh baby can't even walk but she wants three thousand dollar heels
01:09:51come on she wants the white shoes
01:09:59ignore her she's just grumpy over the holidays
01:10:02um here let me help you
01:10:03come on
01:10:08she seems kind
01:10:15i shouldn't be that impressed she's just doing her job
01:10:20how do they feel
01:10:21well i love the style
01:10:23but it's too small
01:10:25i think i need a size up
01:10:28maybe my feet are still growing
01:10:32right away
01:10:33i'll be right back
01:10:34she's not only kind she's patient
01:10:37was i wrong about her
01:10:54are you gluing the heel back on
01:10:57well who gives a shit
01:10:59she can't walk
01:11:03that's just pure evil
01:11:07oh come on saint eva
01:11:10she's in a wheelchair
01:11:12who cares
01:11:13it's the last pair
01:11:14i get paid commission
01:11:21i am not doing that vanessa
01:11:24see
01:11:26this
01:11:27is your whole problem
01:11:29this
01:11:30is why you'll always be broke
01:11:33i don't care
01:11:34if she can walk or not
01:11:36i'm not selling her junk
01:11:39she has to deal with people like this
01:11:41people who insult her all day
01:11:45i'm
01:11:45your manager
01:11:50sell the old bitty the shoes
01:11:52or you're fired
01:11:59did i stutter
01:12:05you don't have to fire me
01:12:08i quit
01:12:14i don't work here anymore
01:12:17listen
01:12:18don't buy the shoes
01:12:20they're broken
01:12:21spend your heart and money elsewhere
01:12:22okay
01:12:22you're a good person after all
01:12:26looks like i misjudged you
01:12:29i'm sorry
01:12:32why are you still here eva
01:12:34get out
01:12:41you're not disabled
01:12:42selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped
01:12:47absolutely shameful
01:12:48who are you
01:12:50i am the chairwoman
01:12:52of the harrison group
01:12:54and the owner of this store
01:12:57you're eleanor harrison
01:12:59mother of the ceo
01:13:01i am
01:13:02and you my dear
01:13:04are fired
01:13:05what did i do
01:13:09you are a good person
01:13:12you are a good person from now on this store is yours to run
01:13:18are you serious
01:13:20are you serious
01:13:21that's right
01:13:23don't be nervous child
01:13:25you are professional
01:13:28responsible
01:13:29far better than that two-bit manager
01:13:34you are a good person from now on this store is your own
01:13:42i am
01:13:43i am
01:13:46i am
01:13:46i am
01:13:47i am
01:13:47i am
01:13:47i am
01:13:48i am
01:13:48i am
01:13:48i am
01:13:48i am
01:13:49i am
01:13:51i am
01:13:55i am
01:14:02that row
01:14:02and the entire display case
01:14:06pack it all up and bring it to my house
01:14:08hmm
01:14:09okay
01:14:09yeah
01:14:12once we're home
01:14:13i'll tell her i'm her mother-in-law
01:14:15i can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter
01:14:25she's the mother of the ceo
01:14:27of course she lives like this
01:14:39mrs harrison
01:14:40i'm here with your delivery
01:14:44max
01:14:45eva
01:14:47what are you doing here
01:14:49i uh
01:14:50there you are eva
01:14:54wonderful we can finally meet each other properly
01:14:56my new daughter-in-law
01:14:59what are you
01:15:03that means you really are the ceo of harrison group
01:15:08well i tried to tell you but
01:15:10stop
01:15:12and you
01:15:13you lied to me at the store
01:15:16you were both just testing me
01:15:18is this some sick game rich people play
01:15:20i'm sorry eva
01:15:22i thought you might be using my son
01:15:24just after his money
01:15:25but i was wrong
01:15:27eva please
01:15:28i don't deserve to be treated like this
01:15:30not every working class girl is after your money
01:15:33how could you think that of me
01:15:35it's not like that dear
01:15:37eva what are you talking about
01:15:40mom what did you do
01:15:42i was just trying to get the two of you back together
01:15:45we're not together
01:15:46we're not together
01:15:47and i can't love something that was never real
01:15:53i made a horrible mistake
01:15:56what are you waiting for son go after her
01:16:03eva
01:16:04let me go
01:16:05i swear it's not what you think
01:16:06but we come from two completely different worlds
01:16:09stop pretending like you care
01:16:10i'm not pretending
01:16:11okay i can't fake what we have
01:16:13and everything i've done for you
01:16:15and piper
01:16:15this is real
01:16:21touch my wife again
01:16:22and i will snap every finger that you've got
01:16:25max you came
01:16:26god you weren't driving me fucking insane
01:16:31i'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband
01:16:33a good father
01:16:35just say the word
01:16:39see
01:16:42stop fighting
01:16:45we belong together
01:16:48you're wrong
01:16:49wrong about what
01:16:51that you care
01:16:53or we belong together
01:16:54look i already told you
01:16:56we're from two completely different worlds
01:16:58now i held up my end of the deal
01:17:00and i met your mother
01:17:01like we discussed
01:17:02i want a fake divorce from my fake cousin
01:17:08eva
01:17:11eva
01:17:14i'm sorry maximus
01:17:15walking away is the only choice i have
01:17:24ow
01:17:26are you okay mommy
01:17:27yeah sweetie i'm fine
01:17:30come here
01:17:39no you're not fine
01:17:40you're sad
01:17:43i'm okay sweetie
01:17:47i miss daddy too
01:17:51i want max to be my real daddy
01:17:56don't you want to be with him
01:18:00love bug
01:18:01love bug
01:18:01you're right
01:18:03what am i doing running like a coward
01:18:07i've always taught you to be brave
01:18:10now it's time for mommy to be brave too
01:18:13i believe in you
01:18:15what are you gonna do mommy
01:18:17i know exactly what to say to him
01:18:22maximus deserves to know
01:18:24piper is his daughter
01:18:32enough sulking
01:18:33go get your wife
01:18:35and my grandbaby back
01:18:37don't you think i want to
01:18:39she doesn't want me
01:18:41i didn't raise you to give up
01:18:43your daughter is still out there
01:18:45you can't abandon her
01:18:46mom you don't get it
01:18:48i made a deal with eva
01:18:50to play my wife
01:18:51and piper she was
01:18:53an added bonus
01:18:55what are you talking about
01:18:57i already ran a dna test
01:19:01piper is your daughter
01:19:03what
01:19:03see for yourself
01:19:10i was right
01:19:12seven years ago
01:19:13new years that woman was eva
01:19:26eva
01:19:27hey
01:19:29daddy
01:19:31daddy
01:19:33piper
01:19:37i missed you so much sweetheart
01:19:45you came back
01:19:48i uh
01:19:51don't forget to be brave mommy
01:19:59i uh
01:20:01i was scared
01:20:02but i don't want to be scared anymore
01:20:06because what we have is real
01:20:07and it's worth fighting for
01:20:10sweetheart i have
01:20:12something to tell you
01:20:13i have something to tell you too
01:20:18piper is your daughter
01:20:20you knew
01:20:21my sweet granddaughter
01:20:23mama
01:20:27i just found out for sure a few minutes ago
01:20:30but you've known this whole time
01:20:31i was scared
01:20:33okay i didn't know if you were going to take her from me
01:20:35i didn't know how you were feeling
01:20:38how could you not know how i felt
01:20:51i love you eva
01:20:55i love you too
01:20:57i promise
01:20:58for the rest of my life i'm going to make it up to you
01:21:02as long as we're together
01:21:04it doesn't matter where we are
01:21:16will you marry me even
01:21:18for real this time
01:21:19yeah yes
01:21:21yes of course i'll marry you
01:21:26yes
01:21:27hi
01:21:36looks like you're stuck with me the next christmas
01:21:38and the christmas after that
01:21:39and forever
01:21:42i wouldn't have it any other way
01:21:50who's that
01:21:52ava
01:21:55take me back
01:21:57i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry you're tired
01:22:03looks like i have to take out the trash
01:22:05again
01:22:08no
01:22:09not funny
01:22:10not funny
Comments