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00:24The New Statesman, the Right Honourable Alan Bastard, was the Bastard child of 80s greed
00:29and 80s politics. In 1987, Margaret Thatcher had just won her third general election and
00:34Britain was divided as never before.
00:36We hated the Conservative government because of the unhappiness that they caused for so
00:41many people. There was us spitting image and private eye and everyone else had given up.
00:48So we just felt we had to go in there and start kicking and biting and scratching.
00:52And the new sitcom was to do exactly that.
00:56I will briefly yield to the Honourable Member for Halton Price, Mr Speaker, because it's
01:01always interesting to hear the crypto-fascist ravings of the loony right. Au contraire, Mr Speaker,
01:09which I translate as that's what you think for the benefit of the Member for Braymall who
01:13probably never went to school.
01:14It was September 1987 when the New Statesman first made his outrageous presence felt.
01:20When I say that we are sick and tired of this sort of lefty-trot whinging.
01:26The New Statesman, the unacceptable face of Thatcherism, would go on to radically change
01:31TV satire and ultimately the face of British politics.
01:33A member of the National Union.
01:35Undoubtedly, there's something about his sliminess and ambition, which was recognisable in certain
01:40characters in the House of Commons, particularly in the Tory party.
01:44Dear Mr Massard, I'm unemployed and I can't afford to feed my family.
01:47And out in the real world, viewers recognised the truth when they saw it.
01:51We've never seen audience reaction like it before, ever, in any of the shows we'd ever
01:56done, where a recording would have to stop because people were too hysteric.
02:01Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. You've got this fee for a cup of tea.
02:04Well, of course I have. What a stupid question.
02:08The New Statesman was a successful marriage of two different comedy styles, mainstream sitcom
02:14and popular alternative comedy. The creature the marriage produced was a compelling character
02:19that has resonated through politics ever since.
02:21Sorry, sir. Members only.
02:23I am a member. I've got the largest majority in the House.
02:26Name?
02:26Bastard.
02:27Nobody do it, my dear.
02:30It might have been Neil Simon or some brilliant American writer said,
02:35all comedy is two Jews fighting and we are all comedy.
02:40Two thirds of the team that would create the New Statesman was itself one of the most successful
02:44writing partnerships in television history, a hit factory for 25 years.
02:49Lawrence Marks and Maurice Gran started out as a journalist and a civil servant,
02:53but in 1974 stumbled upon a writer's group.
02:57They had sketch writing competitions every couple of months and we did quite well in those
03:02and seemed to be able to make people laugh.
03:05But it was another four years before they got their first break writing traditional gags
03:09for Frankie Howard's radio show. This gained Marks and Gran an entree to the mainstream
03:13and in 1980 they got their own ITV series, Holding the Fort.
03:18I don't have a younger sister, Hector. This is my mother.
03:22You're talking about the secret of eternal youth.
03:25No secret, Hector. Mother simply surrounds herself with young people. Male, mostly.
03:321980 also saw one of the country's most outrageous young comedians burst onto our TV screens,
03:37but Rick Mayles seemed to be kicking against Marks and Gran's mainstream style.
03:41I remember we did Waiting for Godot at school and we did some Stoppard at school
03:47and that's why I thought I'd go to university to study drama.
03:52Manchester was where Rick met Adrian Edmondson. Bored with straight theatre,
03:56they began performing as a double act called 20th Century Coyote.
04:00Gigs followed at the Comedy Store in London, a haven for a new group of emerging
04:04and like-minded alternative comedians. They were spotted by TV producer Paul Jackson,
04:09who wasted no time getting them onto Boom Boom, Out Go the Lights.
04:13Mail cornered the market in dysfunctional investigative journalists
04:16as Kevin Turvey in the BBC's A Kick Up the 80s.
04:20And here's a good one. Why does Mrs Thatcher always wear barbed wire underwear?
04:26She doesn't. It's a joke.
04:28And he also developed a character closer to home.
04:31Imagine there's a poet who comes on with a lot of political poets
04:34and beautiful poets and great poets and this, that and the other,
04:36and then an utter twat comes on who can't see his eyes properly
04:40and is obviously in love with Vanessa Redgrave and has written lots of poems about her.
04:46And when the, this is what was really brilliant,
04:48was when I came on to say, hello, my name's Rick.
04:51And, er, and someone would laugh.
04:54Shut up.
04:56Mm-hm.
04:58And I had to write, read...
04:59The angry love poem that I'd written, and it's called Vanessa.
05:03Shut up!
05:05Shut up!
05:06And I just get really, really angry with the audience.
05:09And I started just going, shut up!
05:10Shut up!
05:11Shut up!
05:12This is really serious poetry!
05:16Right, and then they'd really erupt in laughing,
05:19but they tried to stop themselves laughing.
05:21Because it wasn't a comedy evening, right?
05:23It was a poetry evening.
05:24Vanessa, I shall go to my grave with a bleeding heart!
05:28But at least it will be a red grave!
05:31Shut up!
05:33One of the people who saw Rick doing Rick was Lawrence Marks.
05:37Male made a mixed impression.
05:39I thought, this guy's got such great comic timing,
05:41but he's probably raving mad.
05:43Paul Jackson also saw alternative sitcom potential in the acts
05:47performing at the Comedy Store,
05:48and as a result, the young ones crashed into our living rooms in 1982.
05:53I've got to write to my MP!
05:55But you haven't got an MP, Rick, you're an anacuse.
05:58Ah!
05:58Well, then I shall write to the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen!
06:02It was anarchic and political,
06:04but it was also physical, slapstick and cartoonish,
06:07giving the cast the freedom to indulge their wickedest fantasies.
06:11He'd say, um, can I have, um, a head that explodes?
06:14He'd say, yeah, no problem with it.
06:15Yeah, I'll have you that morning, two o'clock, don't worry about it.
06:18And you think of a joke and there it is.
06:21I'm not the banking!
06:23Ah!
06:23I am not the banking!
06:24Ah!
06:25Ah!
06:26While the young ones caused mayhem on BBC Two,
06:29ITV chose to launch a gentler comedy with a domestic setting.
06:33It was written by Marks and Gran,
06:34by now an established, reliable team.
06:39Shine On, Harvey Moon is a humorous social commentary on post-war Britain,
06:43but during filming the political climate outside the studios had an impact on the writers.
06:48I can never understand your sort of working-class Toryism.
06:51Anyone would think we had a few, Bob.
06:53What have they ever done for the likes of us?
06:55Every step forward the common man has made in this country
06:57has been opposed by the bosses and their political lackeys.
07:01Maurice and I were making Shine On, Harvey Moon in Nottingham
07:04during the miners' strike,
07:06and the more I was watching the population of Yorkshire villages starving,
07:10the more I was hating Thatcher.
07:12Neil, the bathroom's free, unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta.
07:16Marks and Gran came from a very different comedy world to male,
07:19but their political agendas were similar.
07:21It isn't wholly surprising that the two different,
07:27if you like, the serious analysis of politics
07:30and the ludicrous analysis of politics at the time
07:34should have got together.
07:35Paul Jackson says to me,
07:37why don't you come to the something in someone like Cheltenham,
07:42some kind of television festival or television awards ceremony
07:45or something like that.
07:47And he came and said,
07:48I think you might like to meet these guys.
07:50And that's where I met Lawrence Morris.
07:52We met Rick Mayall, who said,
07:54would you create a series for me?
07:58And we didn't want to,
07:59because we thought he'd be really annoying and trouble.
08:04Their styles might have been totally different,
08:06but what they had in common was comedy.
08:09I was invited to a gentleman called Dino De Laurentiis' party one evening.
08:13That was my first big Hollywood party,
08:15and that was the time that I actually heard somebody say to somebody else,
08:20I love your nose, where did you get it?
08:26Rick Mayall.
08:27Yes.
08:28Hello.
08:28Hello, everybody.
08:30After all appearing on the same episode of Wogan,
08:32they met for lunch,
08:33and Marks and Gran were relieved Rick wasn't as bad as they feared.
08:36He described to us that he, in fact, enjoys playing characters
08:42that enjoy murder, rape, violence, theft of property, street crime,
08:51anything that was really bad.
08:55Why?
08:57And coward.
08:57And greed.
08:58And lying.
09:00And avarice.
09:00And we said, you want to play a Tory backbencher?
09:04I did not say that I opposed abortion.
09:05What I oppose is the so-called woman's right to choose.
09:09It should be the state's right to choose.
09:10Ugly, stupid.
09:11Poor people should not be allowed to have children.
09:13With their star playing a corrupt Tory MP,
09:15they just needed a channel brave enough to commission the idea.
09:18Although I was commissioning editor,
09:20I still have to sell the show on to my boss
09:23to be able to get the money in the first place.
09:25So he always wants to know what it's about,
09:28and writers hate doing synopses.
09:30Because you're frightened, it will drain away
09:33the things you want to put into the show.
09:35They came up with the idea of creating a who's who entry
09:38for their character.
09:39Bestard's recreations got them noticed pretty quickly.
09:42Making money, dining at expensive restaurants
09:45at other people's expense,
09:46grinding the faces of the poor.
09:49We then put the reply to this entry from who's who,
09:53who said, dear Mr Bestard,
09:54your entry is of inordinate length for a new boy.
09:57For example, it's a line longer than Lord Hailsham's entry.
10:02Bestard then replied to that saying,
10:04re your letter, re my letter, bollocks.
10:08Yours were the biggest majority in the House of Commons,
10:11the Right Honourable Alan Beresford Bestard MP.
10:14P.S. Who the fuck is Lord Hailsham?
10:17And that's what we sent to Yorkshire Television.
10:19And by return, he rang up and said, when do you want to do it?
10:24At that time, comedy had settled very comfortably
10:27into mum and dad and two children.
10:30It was by and large very domestic.
10:37It's wallet time, mother.
10:39What?
10:40I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't speak unemployed.
10:43This came up as being something totally, utterly different
10:46and it gave us satire back in the eighties,
10:50which I felt was desperately important.
10:52The combination of male and Marks and Grand's
10:55different comedy styles had the potential
10:57to create something explosive,
10:59perfect for ITV's 10pm Sunday slot.
11:02Scathing about a powerful sitting government,
11:04it was a brave but risky commission.
11:07One major problem was transforming male
11:09from a physical performer into a Conservative MP
11:12not known for flexibility.
11:14Oh, Rick, man, that's really heavy, man.
11:17I hate rats, OK?
11:20It's what he would have wanted.
11:22I've always wanted to put cartoons, or be a cartoon.
11:29And so, as you lead towards the Statesman,
11:33that was a sort of swerve away from that.
11:37The director appointed to work with male to find his new character
11:40was Jeffrey Sachs.
11:41Prior to working on the new Statesman,
11:43Sachs was getting laughs out of the rubber puppets on Spitting Image.
11:46He had been entrusted with bringing Rowan Atkinson to the screen
11:49in his first TV show, Canned Laughter,
11:52and started his career on End of Part One,
11:55a surreal sitcom by Andrew Marshall and David Renwick.
11:58There was a time when we were quite sort of depressed
12:00and thinking, we're never going to find this character.
12:01Piers? Yes?
12:02Your father's dead.
12:04But during rehearsals, the true Bastard gradually emerged.
12:07It suddenly occurred to us that it would be a lot better
12:11if he just didn't care less.
12:13I'd probably go down and save next week.
12:15Well, you'd have to go down a lot further if you want to see him now, isn't it?
12:18Instead of playing him angry as a sort of bastard,
12:21we went the other way completely and played it
12:23so that it didn't occur to him that the things he was doing
12:25were in any way sort of morally reprehensible.
12:27Piers! Piers! Piers! Piers! Piers! Piers! It was only a joke!
12:33Oh, really? No, not really, he's dead all right.
12:37Aspects of your character which you disapprove of
12:41are sort of pressed down and hidden away in the back somewhere
12:45where you don't like those bits of yourself, right?
12:48And the character comes up and goes, ah, I like him.
12:50And all those bits that you've put away can be put in there.
12:55so I think it's because there's a lot of me and Alan that I disapprove and that's why I do
13:00him so
13:00well his look was also important she likes her boys well turned out look at us parky bakey
13:08meaty we all get our suits in Savile Row well I mean where did you get that thing Swindon we
13:16said
13:16the big thing about Tories is their hair they've all got little curly bits over their ears like
13:26Norman Fowler it's because but it's because they comb their hair with a wet comb that's what
13:32Toffs do where are you going to find a large number of stupid greedy people rich enough to
13:37invest in a dubious scheme like this political sleaze was to contribute to the Tories losing
13:41the 97 election and the phrase was a perfect description of the start and in their drive
13:46for accuracy the writers enlisted the labor peer s Renee short to get the technical facts right
13:52but had called on political help from the start I just wrote to my local MP Michael Portillo and said
14:01dear Mr Portillo I am a writer I am going to be writing about a conservative backbencher I wonder
14:08if you would give us the time to show us around the House of Commons if you're going to write
14:12you
14:12know a realistic sort of drama about the House of Commons you want to know about these nooks and
14:19crannies where people do the plotting and the scheming the bars the smoking rooms the libraries all
14:25the places that the public is usually not allowed and that you don't even see photographs of Maggie love
14:31the trouser suit oh sorry Heselt I didn't know it was here later when the program started a news got
14:38out that I had helped them and this somehow then became confused with the idea that I was the model
14:44for Alan Bastard of course he's not but the problem with publicity is then you've got to keep the enigma
14:51going to say I can't tell you that rather than no so this the truth is always very opaque I
14:59might be
15:00doing it now even people who didn't think I was a model for Alan Bastard thought what a bastard I
15:05was for allowing these three into the House of Commons to make a series about a very unflattering
15:11portrait of a Conservative MP and a series that did the Conservative Party no good at all the series
15:17promised to be controversial and started with a bang Alan Bastard kills off his two election
15:22opponents to become the Tory member for the Yorkshire constituency of Halton Price his strategy
15:27delivered him the largest majority in the House of Commons as long William Richard Labour
15:33three thousand two hundred and thirty-seven Bastard Alan Beresford conservative thirty-one thousand seven
15:42hundred and fifty-six
15:52the controversy was only just beginning the combination of marks and grounds carefully constructed
15:57narrative and male slapstick antics created a savage new type of satire
16:12it was a stroke of genius combining what exclusively Thatcherism represented with Punch and Judy and that's sort of what
16:25it was it was cartoony at one level but you know there's certain elements of truth even in Mr.
16:32Punch the start reveled in brutality both physical and verbal as a conservative backbencher in Margaret Thatcher's government he caused
16:40trouble wherever he went
16:41God did not put animals on this earth merely to wander around aimlessly like the Labour front bench
16:47the start blackmailed and abused his way through life and was forever dreaming up corrupt money-making schemes all in
16:53the name of his Thatcherite values
16:57Alan Beresford is charming ruthless good-looking Beelzebub cunning as a snake
17:04arrogant and devious a complete and utter Bastard the supporting characters were equally unflattering but still realistic much of Bastard's
17:13grotesque behaviour was targeted at Piers Fletcher Dervish
17:20The star's hapless sidekick best friend and fellow Tory backbencher was played by Michael Troughton
17:26fingers Piers fingers you don't kiss Alan
17:36I think the purpose that Piers served was that it was a good whipping boy for Alan he could he
17:41could be really cruel
17:42but half of two thousand pounds is Piers represented the old school of traditional upper-class twit conservative wets
17:49point nought nought five seven three eight nine
17:51as did their other companion Sir Stephen Baxter
17:53we'd be better off with a performing seal really wouldn't we
17:57sex is wrong that's what my fiance's always said
18:01sex without marriage is a mortal sin and yet sex within marriage is an enemy to domestic harmony
18:08this is the work of a genius
18:09it sums up my last forty seven years in a nutshell
18:13Alan Bastard when he became an MP in the first episode
18:16he shared an office in the House of Commons with a young Tory MP and a very old Tory MP
18:22and Michael Troughton played the young one who was pretty dim and I played the old one who was extremely
18:30dim
18:30Sir Stephen Baxter was played by John Nettleton who had a track record in political satire
18:35as prior to the new statesman he was Sir Arnold Robinson in Yes Minister
18:39I'm only cabinet secretary I'm not the political correspondent of the new standard
18:44I played reptilian very intellectual Whitehall Mandarin
18:50so when I was approached about being in the new statesman I rather leapt at the chance
18:57Alan picked on peers they both picked on Sir Stephen
19:00but Sir Stephen had some seniority so he could occasionally get a blow back in
19:05I think you should know Bastard I'm reporting you
19:08Let Count Darvish stop that at once
19:11This is not the Liberal Party
19:14Stard also had the perfect trophy Tory wife
19:17and his marriage was as corrupt and dodgy as his political career
19:20Let us pray
19:21But I don't know why I've married you
19:23You married me my darling because you're Nouveau Riche
19:26whereas I can trace my family tree back to Edward II
19:29Amen
19:30Amen
19:31And because my father's chairman of the local conservative association
19:34I want your parliamentary seat in his gift
19:37Yes well it was a rhetorical question isn't it
19:40Alan did epitomise the Tory party
19:44He married well
19:44Yes he married posh
19:46and of course posh was played by posh
19:49because Marsha Fitzalan Howard being the daughter of the Duke of Norfolk
19:55was about as posh as you come
19:57If you want a loyal helpful supportive Tory wife pay off my credit card bill
20:01Well I would do darling but it's a choice between paying your dress bill
20:03and personally financing Britain's independent nuclear deterrent
20:07Although she's a great talented actress she didn't have too much acting to do
20:12She was a most believable Tory wife
20:16Fitzalan's TV career began in 1975 in Upstairs Downstairs
20:20She played super posh Caroline Bingley in Pride and Prejudice
20:23Then broke into sitcom playing an accounts girl in Shelley
20:26But Sarah Bastard in The New Statesman was a complete departure
20:31I've done lots of these really tired boring sitcoms with a three piece suite
20:38Whereas this was just incredible what they dared do
20:43Well that's politics fluffy bottom
20:48Listen mustache fast running
20:50All right darling yearn for you longingly
20:53Sarah Bastard is just as sick as Alan
20:55Because it's in her blood
20:57And the fact that she's shacking everybody and Alan's shacking everybody
21:00You're going to keep up pretence of being outraged at each other
21:02And the morality is just appalling
21:05I'm your little rabbit
21:06And I'm a rabbit too
21:13Right I'm off dance finger feathers to commit adultery
21:18Vivian Heilbronn was Alan's publicist Beatrice
21:20Who kept strom about having it off with Sarah
21:23Will it keep until morning?
21:24That will
21:25I won't
21:26He doesn't have a clue about what is going on
21:29And that was rather fun to do
21:31So the conversations with Alan are underpinned
21:35By the knowledge of the relationship that is going on between Beatrice and Sarah
21:40The first series averaged seven million viewers
21:43Figures which were helped by huge publicity
21:45It trod a fine line between reality and fiction
21:48And was soon being used by the press as a reference point for real events
21:52A sure sign of success
21:54Three weeks into its run in 87
21:57A Daily Mirror front page splashed headline
22:02Was What a Bastard
22:05And the name had just sort of permeated its way into the national consciousness
22:12The Bastard character was just a typical example of what the Tory party at that particular time was going through
22:19So therefore he became utterly believable
22:22All I did was tell her the truth
22:24It's a fatal mistake for a politician here
22:26New Statesmen had one foot in reality, one foot in fantasy
22:30Except sometimes the fantasy side was actually more real than the reality side
22:35Because I think they were doing things in the fantastic stories that they came up with
22:40Which a week later would end up in the newspapers as real
22:44We can't dump it here
22:46Why not?
22:47Because mine runs under a school, that's why not
22:50You can't dump nuclear fuel under an infant school
22:53It's only a council school
22:54And then about four weeks later
22:56There's a big story in one of the papers
22:58Saying that an MP or a school in Grimsby
23:02Has a consignment of nuclear waste found under the school
23:05It did become a fact of life imitating art
23:09Because many of the things that the writers dreamed up and did with Rick
23:14Just turned out to be true
23:16But why did we welcome the hideous Bastard into our homes?
23:19I hate queers almost as much as I hate poor people
23:21I think the reason people like him is because he's not a hypocrite
23:27He makes no bones about being greedy, depraved and cowardly
23:33He's the only character in fiction, in all languages, at all times
23:38Who is proud of having a very small penis
23:41And taking a very short time to reach sexual climax
23:45How was that?
23:47Great!
23:47Can't be many men you can use to time a pan of soft-boiled quail days
23:5255 seconds, perfect
23:54Less than a minute, eh?
23:55Getting quicker!
23:56So his egotistical self-confidence could have no greater sort of badge than that
24:06Remember the fortune, Scott?
24:07Indeed I do, I made a fortune
24:10So you could say he allows the audience to indulge its dark side
24:14What did he say about the National Health Service?
24:16In the good old days
24:19You were poor
24:21You got ill
24:23And you died
24:25People just laugh and applaud
24:28Because he's stripping away the hypocrisy
24:32And people think deep down that's what these politicians think
24:35A show like this always sails very close to the wind
24:38By virtue of its theme
24:41If one were to just publish the lawyers' letters we received weekly
24:46From the lawyer at Yorkshire Television
24:50It would make a very interesting volume
24:52The scripts had to be read very carefully
24:54Just to make sure
24:55Because libel was always tapping very quietly at our door
24:58That information will cost you
25:00How much?
25:01An archer
25:02Oh, Geoffrey, that's 2,000 pounds!
25:04Lawyers' demands also meant last-minute changes
25:06You'd get messages while you were in make-up or wherever
25:10Saying, by the way, do not say Norman Lamont
25:13Substitute Norman Lamont with Cecil Parkinson or something
25:17And you'd think, fucking hell, you know
25:23The series was recorded before a live audience
25:26And the more up-to-the-minute the stories, the bigger the laughs
25:34The audience are in, the cameras are there
25:36I'm sitting on the side like this
25:37Maurice comes up and says
25:38Hey, Rick, quick, look, here's five good ones
25:39He gives me five good one-liners
25:41About something
25:42Maybe there'd be a plane crash that day
25:44So there were a couple of sick one-liners about that
25:45And just got to slither them in
25:47Erm
25:48I don't ever remember being
25:50Thinking, ah, for God's sake, about this
25:52I was thinking what heaven I was in
25:54You've got a really shit-hot rehearsed show
25:56And here comes up extra gags
25:58I mean, it's like raining gags
26:00And the buzz of the place was so intense
26:03That Maurice and I decided that we wouldn't sit in the producer's box
26:09We would actually sit in the audience with the audience
26:11Because we might never experience this again in our careers
26:16You know, in fact, I feel like getting down on my knees right now
26:18And giving thanks
26:20Male's talent as both a physical performer and comedy writer
26:23Meant he had a big creative input
26:26Thank you, Lord
26:27Most situation comedies at the time
26:29You know, you've got the script
26:30And that's what you shot
26:31And with us, we were changing it in the rehearsal room
26:34Because Rick would come up with ideas
26:37No, no, no, please
26:38Not the drill, no, no, fine
26:40It was very prone to create elaborate business
26:44So you'd write a line which said
26:47Rick hits Piers
26:48And you'd come back about two days later to rehearsal
26:51And there would now be a five-minute torture sequence
26:54Bottom, please, Piers
26:55And the director would say, we're ten minutes over now
26:58And Rick would say, well, just can't you remove half the story
27:02So I can stick this thing up Piers' bottom
27:05And we used to have to really fight for plot
27:08So there's a real creative tension between Rick's theatricality
27:13And our saying, we must tell the story of the week
27:17You see the window?
27:21Say sorry, Piers
27:2350 pounds for the window pane
27:26Political insolence was not new to viewers of ITV's 10pm Sunday slot
27:31In the late 80s, Spitting Image was the New Statesman's only satirical ally
27:35I'm always awakened by the shrill sounds of the Don chorus
27:40Which filters through the windows
27:45Director Jeffrey Sachs had come to the New Statesman from Spitting Image
27:48And brought with him Steve Nallen, a.k.a. Mrs Thatcher
27:51Would you like to order, sir?
27:54Yes
27:54I will have a steak
27:56How do you like it?
27:57Oh, raw, please
27:58And what about the vegetables?
28:00Oh, they'll have the same as me
28:02You could dismiss Spitting Image as a silly puppet show
28:05The fact that you could watch Alan Bastard
28:09And for a few moments watching that think
28:12Actually, this is a documentary
28:14That was its true strength and genius
28:23I suggested that if she was in the face pack and had the curlers in
28:28It might be quite nice if she took her teeth out
28:31I was just trying to be true to the spirit of Thatcherism
28:33All you care about is number one
28:34I thought that's what Thatcherism was all about
28:38Of course it is, of course it is
28:41And because I could only speak as my grandmother
28:43Doing the northern accent
28:46Mrs Thatcher suddenly turned all Yorkshire
28:48For some reason I never worked out why
28:52I don't think people appreciate the enormous pressure
28:54That's on writers, directors and actors
28:58When comedy is made
28:59It was pretty much a seven day job
29:01We rehearsed, this is in London
29:02On a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
29:05Thursday we travelled to Leeds
29:06We did a walk through in Leeds
29:08Friday
29:09Dress rehearsal
29:10Tack and dress
29:10And record the show
29:12Friday night
29:13Okay, in front of a live audience
29:15Get very drunk
29:16Right
29:17Wake up somewhere
29:19Eleven is on Saturday
29:20Everybody travelled back to London drunk on a Saturday
29:23Crash out
29:23Wake up Sunday morning
29:24Straight to you
29:25Read through
29:26Start again
29:27We were so exhausted by the end of the second series
29:30That we decided to kill him
29:31We both agreed
29:32There wasn't any argument
29:33Why kill off this wonderful character
29:35Please captain
29:36Can't leave for two weeks
29:38Well force yourself
29:39And I thought it would be really good to do a really shocking ending
29:43To make it look very graphic
29:44And look like it was something out of a thriller
29:46I remember saying that we need a bullet hit
29:49Right by
29:49Right actually on the windscreen
29:51Right by you
29:51And I remember him saying
29:52Is this going to be safe
29:53And I said look
29:54With respect Rick
29:55These guys do this every day
29:56Well anyway
29:56They fired the bullet at the screen
29:58And it hit
29:59It bounced off
30:00And it whizzed past Rick's eyes
30:02And I mean another inch
30:04And he would now be sort of partially sighted
30:06And he just turned around and said
30:08Well thanks very much indeed
30:09And I just didn't know what to say
30:10But it looked great on the screen
30:11It really did
30:12It happened at 3.47pm
30:14As Mr Bastard was coming out of the Department of the Environment
30:17He was rushed to Charing Cross Hospital
30:19But was found to be
30:20When you've got something successful as a commissioning editor
30:23You're desperate to hang on to it and not throw it away
30:26I took Rick out to lunch
30:28And it was a wonderful, boozy, relaxed lunch
30:31And it went on and on and on for ages
30:33And I talked about ambition and family and life in general
30:37And only when we got to the coffee did I ask him to do another series
30:40And he almost sighed with relief that I'd actually got to the question
30:44That we both knew why I'd taken him out to lunch
30:46That's why we did another series
30:49They were also keen to bring it back because it won a BAFTA
30:51And like Mrs Thatcher, Bastard was successful both at home and abroad
30:56We were entered for an international Emmy
30:59And being a very mean and selfish boss
31:03I flew over to New York
31:05I'd taken all the brickbats so I felt I was due for it
31:08It wasn't a wasted jolly because the new statesman won the Emmy
31:11The cast and crew were invited to a party
31:14Not in New York but downtown Leeds
31:16And there was the Emmy in all its glory
31:19We didn't know that someone at the airport had dropped it
31:22And the wings had fallen off
31:24And someone at Yorkshire Television had put them on upside down
31:27Because I'd never seen an Emmy before
31:29So Bastard bobbed up for a third time
31:31But there had to be a reshuffle as director Jeffrey Sachs was no longer available
31:35He was enjoying a quieter life directing the BBC's Sleepers
31:39Which clashed with the new statesman
31:41Eventually Sachs made his way to Hollywood
31:43Where he directed the family blockbuster Stormbreaker
31:45But in the UK in the 90s
31:47Even bigger political changes were afoot
31:49Mrs Thatcher was ousted as Prime Minister
31:53Ladies and gentlemen
31:55We're leaving Downing Street for the last time
31:58Real life had overtaken the new statesman
32:01Causing problems for the writers
32:02There was Heseltine Heard Major
32:05Fighting to take over
32:07We thought if Heard gets made PM
32:10We'll be alright
32:11Because we know quite a lot about him
32:12And if Heseltine it will be even better
32:15And bugger me if it's not John Major
32:17And nobody knows anything about John Major at all
32:20The wind had gone out of the sails of the Tory party
32:23During series 3 Bastard toyed with crossing the floor to the Labour benches
32:27Which was eerily in tune with the feeling in the Conservative party at the time
32:30Why join the Labour party? You're ahead in the polls
32:33It's just so boring being a Tory now that Maggie's left
32:37I mean have you ever had a conversation with John Major?
32:39No
32:39I'm not saying he's dull but he is the only boy in history
32:42To run away from the circus to join a firm of accountants
32:44This was getting a bit close to the bone
32:47Because during that period there were quite a lot of Tory MPs
32:50Who could see that the Tory government was coming to an end
32:54And they hadn't become ministers themselves
32:55And there was really quite a trickle world
32:58Moving towards an avalanche of Conservative MPs
33:01Who were going over to the Labour side
33:04Once again at the end of series 3 they tried hard to get rid of Bastard
33:07We were really knackered
33:09We were really exhausted
33:10We said oh my god
33:11We can't go through this again
33:12Let's send him off to the Russian gulag
33:16I'm going home
33:18Is there anything you'd like me to give Sarah for you?
33:25There's no way he's going to come back from that
33:27But bugger me back he came
33:28You know why he came back? The wall came down
33:31That's right the bloody Berlin Wall came down
33:33I mean the one thing we couldn't
33:35Have anticipated happened
33:36You know that was just such
33:38We couldn't get rid of Bastard
33:39Such bad luck
33:40Such bad luck
33:41So we had to bring him back again
33:43So whenever they tried to dump him
33:45Events conspired to bring Bastard back
33:48By series 4 he had mutated into a Euro MP
33:51But eventually enough is enough
33:54Politics was dull
33:56I remember us wandering around in the United States
33:57It's really boring this decade isn't it?
33:59So Alan wasn't sort of required
34:01His job was to assassinate Thatcher
34:03And that job had been done
34:04He was so good he carried on for a while
34:06And then we said no come on
34:06Let's just stop
34:08The new statesman had run its course
34:10But Marks and Grant were still going strong
34:12During Bastard's reign of terror
34:13They launched Alamo
34:14Their own production company
34:15Which produced Birds of a Feather
34:17You have no right to do something like that
34:19Oh shut up
34:19Everyone round here knows you're the most popular rider
34:22Outside Dalton Towers
34:24After the new statesman
34:26Mail reverted to type
34:27And with his old pal Adrian Ebenson
34:28Created bottom
34:29A by word for rude violent pantomime
34:32I think I must be hallucinating
34:33Well we'll soon find out
34:42Now did that hurt?
34:45Yes mightily
34:46Mail tried his hand in Hollywood with drop dead Fred
34:49But in 1998 real disaster struck
34:52The comedian Rick Mail is in hospital with serious head injuries
34:56After an accident at his country home in Devon
34:58By 2002 Mail was reunited with Marks and Grant
35:01And there were high hopes for their ITV series Believe Nothing
35:04Which had some great ideas in it
35:06Wasn't sufficiently different
35:09In a way it was like the new statesman in disguise
35:13Believe Nothing was cancelled after the first series
35:15It seemed the spark had gone out of their relationship
35:18Our choir is 100% castrato
35:2135 strapping choristers are not an atom of testosterone among them
35:27Luckily I have the libido of three dozen men
35:30Which balances things up
35:31Mail believes that once you've achieved success with a character
35:34You're best leaving him alone
35:36Advice handed down at a meeting with one of his heroes
35:39Little Richard
35:39Always stop at the top
35:41Always stop at the top
35:43He's talking about waiting
35:45When you get the stage you stand at the side
35:46And he gets the band on first
35:47And you get them to hop the audience up
35:50So you get the audience high
35:51Get them high before you get on that stage
35:53So they're already high
35:55When you get on that stage
35:56You take them higher
35:56Take them higher
35:57Till they can't get no higher
35:58And when they can't get no higher
36:00You get off that stage
36:03And my principal agreed with that
36:05This principal was tested when he heard that Marks and Graham
36:08Were cooking up a 21st century version of the new statesman
36:11And then the boys this year said
36:13Well do Alan again
36:15And I said no
36:16Cause Little says you know
36:17We stop at the top
36:18But they presented me the script
36:20And I thought don't Rick don't
36:21Don't wait
36:21Oh yeah
36:22This is good
36:23And they come up with the concept that Alan Bastard invented New Labour
36:29With the need for political satire as strong as ever in 2006
36:33Marks and Graham obliged by resurrecting Bastard on the stage
36:36There is a path to immortality
36:39He had changed his political colours
36:41Moved into number 9 Downing Street
36:43And was the brains behind New Labour
36:44To go down in history is a single unique attribute
36:48Hmm
36:48All you have to do Tony is to cling to power
36:51Until November the 26th 2008
36:56And you will have been at number 10 a whole day longer than Mrs Thatcher
37:00Hmm
37:01Yeah
37:01Hello
37:02The hatred for the establishment that there was in the 80s
37:06Is why Alan existed then
37:09And I think there's an unspoken hatred of the establishment now
37:12Within three days I think of the launch of the play
37:15A Prime Minister's questions
37:17A Tory backbencher stood up
37:19Could the Prime Minister please tell us which of his policies does he think is responsible
37:22For the defection to Labour of Mr Alan Bastard
37:28Well
37:31I don't know
37:32I'm not too interested to comment on Mr Bastard
37:34But what I can say to him is
37:35It just reiterated the fact that Bastard was real
37:40He wasn't a character out of a television sitcom
37:42The marriage of mainstream sitcom and alternative comedy
37:45Had created an original satire
37:47The survival of Bastard is a tribute to Marx and Gran
37:50Male
37:51And the power of satire to skewer new statesmen
37:54Whatever their political hue
37:56What have you been getting through in Parliament this week?
37:59Err, two short-hand typists and a canteen lady
38:01I had never experienced anything like this
38:04With any show I'd ever visited or been responsible for
38:07And to this day
38:08We just had a ball doing it
38:09I mean, I almost felt guilty about sort of taking the paycheck
38:11Because it was so much fun to do
38:13Any old toss spot come to call a Tory MP
38:16If he knows what palms to grease
38:19Right
38:25Well, come on, get up and make a fight to me
38:26Come on, get up, you little bastard
38:28Get up!
38:32Please?
38:32Every moment in that Yorkshire television studio on a Friday night
38:37Was as good an evening at the theatre
38:41As I think you could ever hope for from a television set
38:44Well, that's just what I need first thing on a Friday morning, isn't it?
38:46A dead dwarf!
38:47It makes me very, very happy
38:50Playing, playing Alan
38:53You bastard
38:57Bastard
39:02Bastard
39:03Bastard
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