- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:06No on the...
00:00:09Game over, you're dead!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing out new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways?
00:00:16Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that...
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:24Hey, I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Ba-ba-ba!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney. Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:21What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't.
00:01:25If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody.
00:01:31That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where? Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me.
00:01:36Come on, I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please.
00:01:43I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please, come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal...
00:01:51Please, please don't let me...
00:01:52Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be crazier.
00:01:54Let go of my...
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:01:58Eww! Eww! Eww!
00:02:00Bones, let go of my...
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:04You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer.
00:02:07A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:14Hi, may I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes, you sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I could tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor
00:02:33with advanced super-digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry, that's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate, no money down,
00:02:4110-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:44You ask yourself, how could it be, right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy boys!
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh.
00:02:59Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:04Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:05Okay. Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier,
00:03:09and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:13Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you are outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt, okay?
00:03:48I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:51Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:56Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03...in Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:07You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:24Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a J.C. Penney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Jack, turn it off!
00:04:37Ah!
00:04:47Well, uh, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on, Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quint could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:09Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we going to get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me. Can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just discussing.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:43Army! Navy! Air Force! Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man? You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Well, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:21After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're going to throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:41Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah.
00:06:46Oh, yeah.
00:06:46Um, it's not a job.
00:06:47It's an adventure.
00:06:47No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Hmm.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no.
00:06:56That's the, um, Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be all you can be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Could I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no.
00:07:13Actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:24Just one...
00:07:25This is insane.
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God.
00:07:35You're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:01World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:07No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14Okay.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look, you take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And, hey, if there's a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41Jack.
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48A few times that times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:08:59This is for our store.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07Jacks and Boneses.
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14Let's do it.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:43Nice.
00:09:45Nice.
00:09:48um see everybody knows me for my hair okay what i need you to do is just just a little
00:09:57bit on the
00:09:58side not a whole bunch and kind of keep what it can soak still i'd like to see it in
00:10:02something
00:10:02short but sassy a real 90s look something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in
00:10:07the disco okay that's perfect get a haircut and get a real job all right
00:10:29it's my head i mean look at it does it look bigger than it
00:10:35do i look like a baked potato honestly yeah honestly it looks great it really does really
00:10:42really really it looks macho all right look at these man look at this army issue see i think
00:10:52those are unique idiotic no those are unique see you're distinctive no one has them really
00:10:58you're king all right one of a kind they broke them all when they made you jack
00:11:22mom's i can't i can't do it
00:11:27this is just like your childhood remember
00:11:32yeah yeah you're right you're right that guy is exactly like my dad
00:11:36see come on wait a minute though my childhood sucked
00:11:40no i can't do it man i can't i can't handle being yelled at by some
00:11:43muscle-bound drill sergeant no man i can't do it
00:11:47get the hell off the truck
00:11:52oh whoa she can drill me anytime
00:11:56on the double right now come on move it move it
00:12:00hello sweet pants
00:12:02get down get down
00:12:04rough stuff
00:12:06and take those glasses off
00:12:08what do you think you want some beaches up
00:12:09what's your name private
00:12:11bones car we're reporting for duty sir
00:12:14all right
00:12:15i mean man sergeant whatever
00:12:17you will address me as drill sergeant
00:12:20don't you understand
00:12:24yes but you don't need to yell because look i'm standing right here
00:12:28i'm not yelling at you private drill sergeants do not yell
00:12:31we simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear
00:12:34that way we all learn from each other's mistakes
00:12:37oh okay thanks for explaining it
00:12:39from here on out your butt is mine
00:12:42you will obey every order without question
00:12:48grunt
00:12:52oh you a funny boy huh
00:12:54cutie pie right
00:12:55well i don't know you but i don't even like you
00:12:57and i make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier
00:13:00for the next eight weeks i'll be all over your butt like white old rice
00:13:06is that a promise
00:13:09give me 20
00:13:11i want my wallet
00:13:12drop and give me 20
00:13:14i'm gonna hold this
00:13:15boy you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups
00:13:18ah it's been a while
00:13:21all the way up and down right
00:13:24pump
00:13:27one
00:13:29is that good
00:13:37get up
00:13:39get up
00:13:40get up
00:13:43everybody up
00:13:56Get your butt off that wreck.
00:14:05I'm off! I'm off!
00:14:10I'm off!
00:14:12Next man to the Lamb!
00:14:14Next man to the Lamb!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:17Go!
00:14:22All right, this is Kyle, I'm going to be down to the champs, I'm going to be in grass field.
00:14:25When I have to say run in paper, I say go, go!
00:14:39Jack!
00:14:40Yeah?
00:14:41Run!
00:14:43Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44Run!
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Burris.
00:14:47Run!
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:49Run!
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Oh, okay, thanks for explaining.
00:14:55Run!
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:20Let's put there for privates like you.
00:15:25It's idiot proof.
00:15:28Oh, damn it!
00:15:30Oh, damn it!
00:15:31Oh, damn it!
00:15:54Anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:03Conway, what the hell is this?
00:16:06Just Sergeant!
00:16:07I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:36Come on.
00:16:39What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What?
00:16:41What are they?
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:45Yeah!
00:16:47What are you, crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy!
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:00Woo!
00:17:02Huh.
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry!
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And...
00:17:13I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:22Okay, but this is gonna hurt.
00:17:24Idiot of volunteers!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:34Never!
00:17:35Never!
00:17:36Drop!
00:17:39You're gone!
00:17:44You're gone!
00:17:45Dad!
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:49Move!
00:17:50Ah!
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad at me!
00:17:56Now listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice, but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:04When I give the command to execute, I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:14Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:25Help!
00:18:26Help!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:36No, you owe me 50!
00:18:4850!
00:18:50Mama, Mama, Can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, Mama, Can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:19:01And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States
00:19:09and the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:13according to regulations and the uniform code of military justice
00:19:25so help me god so help me god
00:19:29nice to meet you bye
00:19:31be good take care bye
00:19:33ah it's the uniforms man
00:19:38private conway
00:19:43never thought i'd say this but i think i've done the impossible i've turned you into soldiers
00:19:47thank you drill sergeant carry on
00:20:01uh is this uh unit 341
00:20:04that's a soldier hey bones conway here this is my partner jack
00:20:08hi christine nice to meet you look like we'll be working together
00:20:12christine a la gi jane right what brings a pretty little lady like you to waterpure
00:20:17i wanted infantry but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat
00:20:23i'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt
00:20:25oh that would be nice
00:20:30feisty one huh
00:20:31i like that
00:20:33shut up
00:20:39i'm gonna have to kill your friend
00:20:41hey bones conway
00:20:43hey uh fred ostorf good to meet you
00:20:46you okay fred
00:20:47oh man i'm fine yeah
00:20:49thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water
00:20:55well i'm going into my uh final year of dental school
00:20:59wow
00:21:00and then now that is great
00:21:02no it's not
00:21:03why
00:21:04did you know that dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers
00:21:10no see i don't think people hate dentists it's just the sound of that drill
00:21:15yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the vacuum right there
00:21:18and the nurse says oh yeah that
00:21:21and then they jam those cardboard x-ray things and then they
00:21:25and you know when there's you have a cavity and they do that little pointy thing and then
00:21:32the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch
00:21:35and she dances out there right meanwhile there is a lead apron right on the thing
00:21:40and you're sitting there like
00:21:48see see that's what i'm talking about
00:21:50if you don't want to talk about it it's okay
00:21:52oh no no no it's good we should talk about it
00:21:54because my therapist uh said that i need to get it out
00:21:58kind of like an emotional enema
00:21:59so we talked about it
00:22:01and uh said why not join the army reserve
00:22:03be all that you can be
00:22:05on the weekends
00:22:09maybe it helped me to
00:22:10face those things
00:22:11in my life that i'm most afraid of
00:22:13and what are you afraid of
00:22:16uh
00:22:17well i'd have to say uh
00:22:20damn near everything
00:22:21floss
00:22:23hey
00:22:23keep it
00:22:29good morning
00:22:30purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military
00:22:34it is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:46two soldiers must man the hose at all times
00:22:50this is for your own safety people
00:22:53okay
00:22:53never lose control of your hose
00:22:56ah
00:22:57turn it off
00:22:59turn it off
00:23:05after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting
00:23:11swampy parasite infected diseased water
00:23:14guys
00:23:15look
00:23:16it's our first glass of purified water
00:23:19all right
00:23:21go for it man
00:23:23try it
00:23:23nah
00:23:25i'm not gonna try
00:23:26hey you try it
00:23:27i'm not gonna try it
00:23:29we should get christine
00:23:31yeah
00:23:31she'll taste anything
00:23:37i'm not gonna try it
00:23:40let's get freddie
00:23:42okay
00:23:42oh freddie
00:23:43no thanks i'm allergic it'll make me break out
00:23:48well then who's gonna try it
00:24:08who's the leader of this outfit
00:24:10he is
00:24:12son
00:24:13i've been doing this for a long time and i gotta say
00:24:16this is the best damn glass of purified water i ever had
00:24:21congratulations
00:24:22you keep this up and i'll be putting you in for private first class
00:24:25thank you sergeant
00:24:27but i could not have done it
00:24:28without the inspirational guidance
00:24:31of my brother the pool man
00:24:35what you need
00:24:36that's what you wanted me to be
00:24:40you're not back honey
00:24:43excuse me
00:24:45gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not gonna
00:25:19you're not gonna try it
00:25:22you're not gonna try it
00:25:23no
00:25:24no
00:25:25no
00:25:26no
00:25:26no
00:25:28no
00:25:30no
00:25:32you
00:25:48Oh, man.
00:25:49Honey, wait, wait. Hold it here a second.
00:25:51Listen, hey, we're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00That's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:06Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:30Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-uh.
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose.
00:26:42I'm the walrus.
00:26:43And Paula's dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here.
00:26:45So give it a rest.
00:26:46All right.
00:26:47That's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:06Phone.
00:27:12Phone.
00:27:13No.
00:27:13Christine, don't.
00:27:14Don't.
00:27:15What?
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes.
00:27:22Yes.
00:27:23Yes.
00:27:23What?
00:27:25You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the cold?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, Mama.
00:27:38It's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country.
00:27:43The one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50Do you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:12That's it, Bones.
00:28:13I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead.
00:28:14You gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:21Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:48Oh, I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:57Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:21Uh-uh.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:23Uh-uh.
00:29:28Uh-uh.
00:29:31Uh-uh.
00:29:41Just do it.
00:29:49is it hot in chat as the libyan raids against u.n forces near the border continue this u.s
00:29:57force
00:29:57is being ready to deter the invasion threatened by the libyan leader in his television broadcast
00:30:03last night and as the build-up here continues the first army reserve units arrived here today
00:30:09these units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing u.s presence here
00:30:14these troops are in high spirit and the morale is high and their hopes are high and this mission
00:30:20will remain a peaceful reporting live from chad for worldwide news report this is stew creek
00:30:44i am first sergeant brandon t williams it is my intention to run this company like a clock
00:30:50if one gear slips in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time if one spring is loose in
00:30:55my clock
00:30:55my clock will tell the wrong time first sergeant williams lets his clock to tell the right time
00:31:00do you understand me yes sergeant what did he just say i don't know something about his clock being
00:31:07broken have my words fallen upon deaf ears yes sergeant i mean no sergeant don't you know i'm your
00:31:18first sergeant well actually i wish you were my first sergeant but i already had a couple ones
00:31:26already drop and give me push-ups you will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address
00:31:32me as first sergeant is that clear yes first sergeant go what first sergeant two first sergeant
00:31:39three for sergeant four first sergeant five for sergeant don't eyeball me for sergeant seven
00:31:45for sergeant eight first sergeant nine for sergeant ten for sergeant eleven first sergeant twelve
00:31:521st sergeant 13 first sergeant 14 first sergeant 123 first sergeant 124 first sergeant that's
00:32:01enough on your feet son i bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training
00:32:07didn't
00:32:07yes first sergeant well you just did your last push-up soldier i will never ask you to do another
00:32:12thank you first sergeant you just graduated the peeling potatoes 6 543 for sergeant 6 544 for sergeant
00:32:23for sergeant six thousand five hundred five six thousand six hundred thousand fifty four hundred
00:32:3352 first sergeant okay shit i lost count wait we got it we got it we got it look
00:32:52oh
00:32:56oh look hey it's the sunroof
00:33:21oh look gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag oh yeah dear bones
00:33:29by the time you read this i will already be well i will already be in milan with
00:33:37we do oh she dumped you sorry bones i must say though this guy sounds really nice he's got a
00:33:45villa right on the adriatic sea jack don't rub it in no no you're better off she's a horrible speller
00:33:52there's only one s and loser look at that and immatureish i don't even think that's a word gabriella
00:33:58uh she she broke my heart sorry well fortunately i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long
00:34:08oh would you mind turn the light off please jack oh yeah fred you checked your your bag for scorpions
00:34:16right
00:34:18scorpions he's messing with you fred no i'm not chad is the scorpion capital of the world
00:34:24yep fred they're big ones too about as big as my fist they outnumber people two to one and that
00:34:31margin grows with every sting so have a good sleep fred good night everybody good night
00:34:37nice to ellen nice to ellen all right down boy scorpions
00:34:54i got one i got one i got one
00:34:58i got one i got one i got one i got one i got one i got one i got
00:35:07one i got one i got one
00:35:08i got one oh very funny we're just trying to help you get over your fears fred really
00:35:15fred don't worry about it you come and sleep with me yeah well i i'd rather take my chances
00:35:20with the scorpion thank you god i hate this it's not that bad it's like camp john jacob jingelheim
00:36:03smith come on
00:36:23don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog thanks enjoy
00:36:36i'm ready go
00:36:42who do that special forces
00:36:4914.11 seconds damn try it again
00:36:55he's incredible time me
00:37:01all right
00:37:15let's go
00:37:16well that is not good what happened that is not good
00:37:27oh great he's coming over just just don't look at him
00:37:32you lose something
00:37:35yeah thanks put it in my lasagna you better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a doctor order
00:37:43toe tag because i'm gonna tear off your head and spit down your neck do you understand me boy
00:37:49hey hey hey hey you have to relax a little take it easy we're in the middle of a war
00:37:57and we're on the same uh side
00:38:00yeah
00:38:00yeah
00:38:03would america
00:38:04would america have won the civil war
00:38:08if benjamin franklin did not get along with eleanor roosevelt right on
00:38:12well a little knowledge
00:38:13well a little knowledge to partay
00:38:17go ahead man
00:38:18if our soldiers our american soldiers
00:38:22acted like this in desert storm
00:38:26saddam hussein would still be running iraq
00:38:28uh
00:38:29what
00:38:35so maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane right it's obvious
00:38:39but you regular guys you've been here so long that your brains are fried
00:38:44right
00:38:45so i guess what i'm really trying to say is
00:38:48come on genius
00:38:49sit down
00:38:51that doesn't mean we all can't be friends
00:38:55please
00:38:56there's only one problem with you newbie's home
00:38:58that's the truth man
00:38:59you don't eat enough
00:39:01no that that's
00:39:05watch it shut
00:39:19as you were
00:39:27son
00:39:28i bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes
00:39:32yes sir
00:39:33can i count on you
00:39:35yes sir
00:39:37carry on
00:39:40i happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato
00:39:52i
00:39:53i
00:39:58heard the libyans are already backing down and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks
00:40:02yeah
00:40:03well i hear they're sending twenty thousand more troops and we're gonna be here till christmas
00:40:07okay
00:40:08wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait where you going
00:40:13sound like i got bad breath
00:40:20no
00:40:22and until they comply with you and resolution 991
00:40:26i don't think anybody's going anywhere
00:40:29oh you're amazing christine
00:40:30how do you keep up with all that stuff
00:40:37i'm out of here
00:40:38and they're fine
00:40:39and they're too
00:40:43like
00:40:45i mean
00:40:48not
00:40:48but
00:40:49no
00:40:49i've got that
00:40:52who knows
00:41:00still
00:41:02what
00:41:07friend
00:41:13how does it feel to be dead motor boy
00:41:18i don't know how does it feel to be a dick dick
00:41:29damn it where's my water there was none to their
00:41:32last night for a sergeant
00:41:37god damn piece of shit newbies how am i gonna run a decent hq without my coffee
00:41:48that is truly a pathetic sight who perpetrated this
00:42:05who did this to you i can't tell you for a sergeant what you have too much honor
00:42:13oh i've been threatened with death untie these clowns and give me some water
00:42:26i have an announcement you guys want your water because you're looking a little bit
00:42:32crispy oh i know i know i know tell me if this is right i better call 976 find a
00:42:38doctor
00:42:39and tag an ambulance because you're gonna tear off my toe and spit down my head right
00:42:43you guess what you watered or not sergeant report to captain roberts you've got a mission
00:42:50water boys report to first sergeant williams you've got a mission too
00:42:55listen up captain denby says we're going to resupply the forward un peacekeeping base
00:43:02this is a very simple routine mission you will fall into line in a very large very prepared convoy
00:43:09all you have to do is follow the truck in front of you
00:43:13when your troops get thirsty you will give them water conway you look confused
00:43:17are you sure you want to send us to a forward area we're just water boys
00:43:21you are soldiers you will get in that convoy and you will be a credit to the united states army
00:43:26is that clear yes sergeant and muscle your lollygagging bus for getting chicken move out
00:43:31yes sergeant
00:44:01damn it
00:44:02forget it
00:44:03they're gonna send a tow truck
00:44:08man what i wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now
00:44:13no a margarita on the rocks
00:44:18or some fresh butter jiffy pop
00:44:22that's not popcorn boys
00:44:24that convoy's under attack
00:44:29really i don't think so
00:44:31i don't think so
00:44:44i don't think so
00:44:52i don't think so
00:45:01i don't think so
00:45:01well excuse me for living i was just trying to save your worthless little life
00:45:05christine
00:45:07are you aware that after near-death experience there's often a desire to have sex
00:45:11yeah jack
00:45:12that's right i feel it
00:45:14all right
00:45:16just not with you
00:45:18i feel
00:45:19ever
00:45:19ever
00:45:20got it
00:45:22got it
00:45:23i'm glad we could have this little talk
00:45:25i didn't feel anything
00:45:27you guys let's get out of here the truck's on fire
00:45:48day long it's gonna
00:45:56explode
00:45:57explode
00:46:00where's phone
00:46:03hello
00:46:10now rickety tick your mustering lollygaggin let's lollygaggin out of here
00:46:27isn't the road that way
00:46:29taking the shortcut
00:46:30is there one
00:46:31uh-huh
00:46:32the road curves around like this
00:46:34all we gotta do is cut the desert here
00:46:37and catch up the convoy over there
00:46:39watch out
00:46:39come on
00:46:40i think i know what i'm doing here
00:46:42i guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys i get very easily carsy
00:47:02bones
00:47:02bones
00:47:03i don't see a road
00:47:05i have the best sense of direction of anyone you know the road's over there
00:47:09three miles maybe four
00:47:12oh yeah maybe
00:47:14ten maybe twenty
00:47:17maybe our truck is sinking
00:47:20no
00:47:21no
00:47:22no
00:47:23no
00:47:25no
00:47:27no
00:47:27no
00:47:28no
00:47:39Push!
00:47:42Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:43Just shut it down. We'll kick it out.
00:47:45No, stand back. Stand back! I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:53You quit it. It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:58I order you to shut it down now.
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay? I'm ordering you. Come on.
00:48:08The only reason you made private first class
00:48:12is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh? You happy? You happy?
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do!
00:48:47Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones,
00:48:51the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack,
00:48:53was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you,
00:48:57and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look!
00:48:59We're in the middle of some African hellhole
00:49:02under a flesh-frying sun
00:49:04with the sky filled with vultures
00:49:06ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around
00:49:10unless something's about to die.
00:49:13Shh!
00:49:29Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow,
00:49:38we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water,
00:49:44and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person
00:49:46who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:56There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:00Uh-uh.
00:50:02There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Fred!
00:50:05There's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:13I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now.
00:50:25All right, Fred!
00:50:26Look, guys, I want to apologize to everybody.
00:50:28He's okay?
00:50:29He's okay!
00:50:30I feel like a brand-new man!
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:34Okay.
00:50:35Fuck you, guys.
00:50:36Fuck you, guys.
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:46Just felt like...
00:50:49He's always playing.
00:50:52Did you guys see that thing?
00:50:54It wasn't...
00:51:04Follow me.
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:12Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down.
00:51:36I see something.
00:51:37Get down.
00:51:49It's a truck.
00:51:50There's the road.
00:51:51We are safe.
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction.
00:51:57What a coincidence.
00:51:58That truck looks...
00:52:00That looks like our truck.
00:52:09Hey, listen, you guys.
00:52:10Hey, I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:22Look, this stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning and towards the sun in the
00:52:30afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:31Oh, so you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again just to follow another one of
00:52:38your half-baked plans.
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is going to work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before, I say from here on in, we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:04Then we die.
00:53:10I order us to do a sun-baked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys.
00:53:23Just think of it as a very long day on a very big beach in a very dry year.
00:53:50Wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean.
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:05And right across the street is the Barbary Coast.
00:54:06We can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09It's the ocean.
00:54:11Come on.
00:54:13Come on.
00:54:14Go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:18We're spotted.
00:54:20Come on.
00:54:25Come on.
00:54:27Come on.
00:54:28Come on.
00:54:29Come on.
00:54:30Come on.
00:54:32Come on.
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy, because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here.
00:54:54Take a sip.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack.
00:55:00We got two choices.
00:55:02One, we can put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess.
00:55:05Go back to Glendale.
00:55:06Start up our own store.
00:55:07Become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away, leaving your skull to be found by a young
00:55:15Arabic prince that's going to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:18You don't want to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You make the call.
00:55:25Come on, let's get out of here.
00:55:27What are you saying?
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Here.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Come on.
00:55:36Come on.
00:55:37Come on.
00:55:39Come on.
00:55:41Hey.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:44Jack.
00:55:44Look at that ass.
00:55:46Maybe you should stay naked.
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man.
00:55:59Randall, I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm tree's right on the horizon.
00:56:02Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God.
00:56:06I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage.
00:56:08Those are the palm trees.
00:56:11It's the oasis.
00:56:12Oh, man.
00:56:13We saved our life.
00:56:21Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine.
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand.
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:50There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:23Come on.
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go.
00:57:27Come on!
00:57:28Oh.
00:57:29Oh.
00:57:29Oh, no.
00:57:31I'm still gonna get ya!
00:57:36It's time for me!
00:57:37I'll kill ya!
00:57:42Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation.
00:57:57Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole!
00:58:05Water!
00:58:06Water!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:09Water!
00:58:11Water!
00:58:12Water!
00:58:12I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:15Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done.
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating snake.
00:58:23That is impressive, Fred.
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die.
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:32I don't know how.
00:58:35But thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh...
00:58:50...pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um...
00:59:01I will...
00:59:02...take off all your clothes...
00:59:06...tie you to the bed...
00:59:11...rub warm oil all over your body...
00:59:15...from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head...
00:59:19...and proceed...
00:59:21...to have the nastiest...
00:59:23...freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined.
00:59:29...
00:59:29Oh, that's it.
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:32I saw her first!
00:59:33And look what happens.
00:59:35Same thing that happened with Gabriela.
00:59:37I saw her first.
00:59:39And Wanda Tushman in the third grade.
00:59:41I saw her first.
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs.
00:59:44It turned out to be the guy.
00:59:45Right.
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too.
00:59:47You know why I'm not just...
00:59:49...strangling you right now?
00:59:51Because you can't cook a snake?
00:59:53No.
00:59:55Because no matter how long we've been friends...
00:59:58...I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would...
01:00:00...save our lives.
01:00:02Let alone kill a snake.
01:00:05But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man. Thanks.
01:00:08Yeah.
01:00:10I think it's the UN flag.
01:00:12We're safe!
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone.
01:00:17Sure, man.
01:00:18I don't know.
01:00:20I don't know.
01:00:22I'm in the situation room of the White House today.
01:00:26And the President is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow...
01:00:29...at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course, bring that to you live on...
01:00:33You are the Reservists from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels...
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:42Um...
01:00:42Where are we?
01:00:45You're on a military base.
01:00:46Well inside Libya.
01:00:48That is all you need to know.
01:00:50Oh!
01:00:51I forgot to mention.
01:00:53The war is starting tomorrow.
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:57American TV.
01:00:59Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow.
01:01:03And when that happens...
01:01:04...we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases.
01:01:08Consider yourself lucky to be here.
01:01:11Sleep well.
01:01:15You know, this is fine.
01:01:16It's like the time you got us arrested for Ioana.
01:01:18Except for in Libya.
01:01:20And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother.
01:01:25Yo, it's...
01:01:26Aren't you guys also American?
01:01:32Oh, see, I see.
01:01:33I was wounded and I don't feel well.
01:01:36Please, sing a song to comfort me.
01:01:38Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song!
01:01:43Oh, okay.
01:01:46Rescue me.
01:01:48Sing.
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I want your tender chance cause I'm lonely.
01:01:55My team was on strategic recon.
01:01:58You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to locate their assets like tanks and bunkers.
01:02:04We were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed.
01:02:07The other guys were killed.
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:12They took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here.
01:02:17Uh-huh.
01:02:17I don't know any words to this song.
01:02:20Kiss me, baby.
01:02:21Kiss me, baby.
01:02:22Kiss me, baby.
01:02:25Kiss me, baby.
01:02:27Use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window.
01:02:31I got one of them loose all over here.
01:02:32You want to escape? What are you crazy?
01:02:38Look, it's the duty of every POW to try and escape.
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert.
01:02:42What good is it gonna do for us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission, soldier?
01:02:46A special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15K north of
01:02:52here.
01:02:53We can get off this base.
01:02:54I can get us to the rendezvous want.
01:02:56You're insane, okay?
01:02:57The Libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons.
01:02:59We're much safer here.
01:03:00No.
01:03:00I'm a soldier and I got a job to do.
01:03:03So are you.
01:03:05Now get to work, private.
01:03:08I'm lonely.
01:03:11Rescue me.
01:03:13Get working, baby.
01:03:24I got a job.
01:03:28My heart.
01:03:30You know what?
01:03:31You didn't scare me.
01:03:33I just fell out screaming.
01:03:34Don't worry about it.
01:03:35Most men think I'm scary.
01:03:40So you can't sleep, huh?
01:03:42I'm too excited.
01:03:44Excited? They might torture us tomorrow.
01:03:46They might even kill us.
01:03:48I know. It's just like the night before Christmas.
01:03:51Yeah, well, at my house, we got presents.
01:03:53I'm talking about the anticipation.
01:03:57We might die.
01:03:59We might escape it.
01:04:01We don't know what's going to happen.
01:04:02That's the coolest thing in the whole world.
01:04:04Most girls are into horses and stuff.
01:04:08You're weird.
01:04:10Most men say that, too.
01:04:14I like it.
01:04:17You do?
01:04:19Yeah, horses are boring.
01:04:31So, if I do get us out of here, and I will,
01:04:35is it true what you said about tying me up to my wild sex stuff?
01:04:40I'll have you kiss me again.
01:04:44I'll have you kiss me again.
01:04:48I can't worry.
01:04:49I think I got it.
01:04:52Wait, look.
01:04:53Look at it.
01:04:54You got it?
01:04:54Yeah, look.
01:04:55Look at it.
01:04:56Look.
01:04:56Oh!
01:04:57Oh!
01:05:00Oh!
01:05:00Oh!
01:05:01Stern!
01:05:02Stern!
01:05:03Stern!
01:05:04You gotta wake up.
01:05:05I can't turn the alarm off.
01:05:06It's not an alarm.
01:05:07It's an air-rate silence.
01:05:08Oh, thank God!
01:05:11I thought I was having another panic attack.
01:05:16Oh!
01:05:32Oh!
01:05:33Oh!
01:05:35Oh!
01:05:35Oh!
01:05:36Oh!
01:05:54Yes.
01:05:59Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, gosh.
01:06:09That was good.
01:06:09Just a little more to the left.
01:06:11We got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog, right?
01:06:24And then we can go...
01:06:25Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry.
01:07:10I don't get it.
01:07:10What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadush right
01:07:20now, okay?
01:07:21No.
01:07:22Instead, we're lost in the desert again, without food and water again, stuck with this special
01:07:29forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're going to die free.
01:07:36Or maybe not.
01:07:42Fifty-five American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this truck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a cool eight track.
01:08:00You could play a-boo-da-boo-da-boo-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you asked me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:16You know what I owes me so?
01:08:18Hmm?
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:22Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Come on, he likes it.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days and you're telling me this watch
01:08:38has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:45Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46A compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack, because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:55In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes.
01:09:00But I'd never see one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah.
01:09:11And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Paul, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:40Oh, you mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio, everything we need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06What is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:11Woo!
01:10:12Woo!
01:10:13Woo!
01:10:14Woo!
01:10:14Woo!
01:10:14Woo!
01:10:15Woo!
01:10:16Woo!
01:10:17Woo!
01:10:17Woo!
01:10:21Woo!
01:10:23Woo!
01:10:23Woo!
01:10:24Woo!
01:10:27Woo!
01:10:28Hot wheels!
01:10:33Oh.
01:10:36Oh.
01:10:43Stern, these things are intense.
01:10:45No wonder people join the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad.
01:10:55I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums.
01:10:59They're fabulous, man.
01:11:00Not a touch of gingivitis.
01:11:02He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely.
01:11:08The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello?
01:11:13Somebody answer us, please.
01:11:14You gotta believe us.
01:11:15We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:22Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name.
01:11:24What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:27Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:31Close enough.
01:11:32Okay, calm down, son.
01:11:34We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully.
01:11:36Your call sign is now Glendale.
01:11:39Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those doom buggies.
01:11:47Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good.
01:11:50This equipment was intended for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something.
01:12:06First of all, Sergeant, we're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up.
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them?
01:12:28Well, what about Stern?
01:12:29Stern can find them.
01:12:30He'll be up pretty soon.
01:12:31Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class?
01:12:35Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:43Camouflage?
01:12:44Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning.
01:12:49Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:51Stern will tell you where it is.
01:12:53You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force.
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us.
01:12:59You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it?
01:13:03Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base,
01:13:15point the laser at it,
01:13:16and call me back on the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest.
01:13:19You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:28No, Bones, they can't make us do anything.
01:13:30We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:33Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:36I know what's going on.
01:13:37You're going to try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No.
01:13:39My laser was a little itty-bitty laser.
01:13:41This is a big laser.
01:13:42There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale.
01:13:44Glendale.
01:13:45No.
01:13:46Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives,
01:13:51hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser,
01:13:54and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it.
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:58Please, hold yourself there one second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends.
01:14:02Is that okay?
01:14:02Just have a cup of java.
01:14:04Please, chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here,
01:14:10you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh?
01:14:15You're a regular G.I. Joe,
01:14:16a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry.
01:14:22Well, now's your chance.
01:14:24Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend,
01:14:28you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you.
01:14:32You're still a screw-up,
01:14:34but if you did this and you survived,
01:14:36you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys,
01:14:40up to a few months ago,
01:14:41we were all a bunch of minimum-wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives.
01:14:47You know who we owe it to?
01:14:48The Army.
01:14:50This is something we gotta do.
01:14:52Come on, go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:58Fred, listen, if you can't handle it,
01:15:00I understand, man.
01:15:01I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:06Oh, I say, I say you're crazy.
01:15:09I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class.
01:15:13I'm the private.
01:15:14I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing.
01:15:20Pick it, man.
01:15:21Dan, you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone.
01:15:24I know, I know.
01:15:26It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some scuds!
01:15:57Let's go bust some scuds.
01:15:59Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:02Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:10Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:11Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:12Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:12Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:12Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:12Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:12Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:14Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:14Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:15Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:17Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:19Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:20Let's go bust some scuds.
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:53Nothing. I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale. The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:18It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target
01:17:22until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long. I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good. Lay low.
01:17:35And report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:17:59Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:08Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room
01:18:12where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorry.
01:18:15Ah!
01:18:18Ah!
01:18:21You must be out of action!
01:18:35Hooray!
01:18:36Hooray!
01:18:36Hooray!
01:18:37We're going to attack!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale.
01:18:40And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:41On the target?
01:18:43We are the target!
01:18:47Tell him to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:01We're out of touch.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale Waterboys!
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:40Reload!
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:49Reload!
01:19:50No!
01:20:19Shit!
01:20:20missed yeah well at least they didn't blow up my head
01:20:24where you going soldiers we know you can do it
01:20:27oh perfect i'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in chan
01:20:32yeah well don't pop the cork yet the bomb's missed
01:20:35the base wasn't hit you better send another airstrike here and send it fast
01:20:39wait one
01:20:49the backup strike of f-111s is being diverted to your target
01:20:53three minutes three minutes what are you crazy we don't have three minutes and
01:20:59three minutes we're gonna be shish kebabs we're under serious attack you'll have
01:21:04to hold them
01:21:18oh my god you better get the planes here sooner the scuds are ready to fire
01:21:24two minutes and 30 seconds
01:21:29hey hey where's he going
01:21:50you stay right here i gotta go
01:22:02hey guys move up move over
01:22:08cock firing mechanism
01:22:10report the situation
01:22:14shut up
01:22:28aim set range if known or estimate
01:22:31who came up with these directions i don't know
01:22:34tell me to shut up one more time when i'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron
01:22:38shut up
01:22:39shut up i'm not good with directions
01:22:42push
01:22:42safety
01:22:44and hold down
01:22:45okay now everybody back
01:22:48fire
01:22:48by pushing
01:22:50trick
01:22:55suck on this the one time
01:23:04sorry
01:23:10last chance my friend
01:23:12last chance my friend
01:23:13last chance my friend
01:23:38is
01:23:39yes
01:23:40lihat
01:23:40yeah
01:23:46oh man
01:23:51Everybody scream like crazy, make them think we got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Two weeks a year, one week in a month, we're the few!
01:24:35We're the browns!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:40Oh, duck! Get down!
01:25:10Yes!
01:25:11Woo!
01:25:14Woo!
01:25:15Yeah!
01:25:22Yeah!
01:25:23Go!
01:25:34Yeah!
01:25:35Hey!
01:25:36All right!
01:25:36Stirring poles!
01:25:37Not bad for a bunch of water boys, huh?
01:25:40No!
01:25:41Soldiers!
01:25:42I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Handmail!
01:25:45Go!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations!
01:25:57You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant.
01:26:01It was an adventure.
01:26:02You asked me to not be sure.
01:26:13I'll be right back if you haven't finished.
01:26:15I'll be right back if I have a sergeant in the sky.
01:26:19I'll be right back if I have a sergeant out.
01:26:22Eh!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:25Hey!
01:26:26Hey!
01:26:28Hey-bye?
01:26:35You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:37You
Comments