00:00Do you get me on the list, Pete?
00:02No.
00:03Take a look at the kid that I'm sticking on stage next.
00:06Why would I ever do that?
00:07You've seen people bomb. This kid next levels it.
00:09I am a vampire.
00:11For the record, I'm neither Team Edward or Team Jacob.
00:14I rooted for the sun.
00:18Give it up for Count Dracula, everybody.
00:20He was so scary, he scared the laughs away.
00:24I saw you in the back.
00:26Oh yeah, I was the guy who laughed.
00:28Thank you for that.
00:28You ever needed an opener?
00:31What's up?
00:32I have a commitment for you to open up the brand new Russell Peters special.
00:36Pick an opener or one's going to be appointed for you.
00:38All right.
00:39If you take me, I will pay for every expense.
00:42What do you say?
00:43All right.
00:44Guy has a frigging coffin.
00:46He's a good guy and you can learn a thing or two.
00:48Like what? How to hang upside down?
00:51Welcome to East Bum, Nevada, kid.
00:54Zip code E-I-E-I-L.
00:55This is like the Radio City Music Hall of strip club kids.
00:59I got to tell you.
01:01Nick?
01:02Will you quit the vampire routine?
01:05It's not a routine.
01:08Oh my God, your generation is so weird.
01:12I mean, the coffin is eccentric, but explainable.
01:15The glowing eyes, the contacts, the teeth, it's an odd lifestyle choice, but hey, it's Vegas.
01:20But dude, you turned into a bat.
01:22Ladies and gentlemen, you are going to be delicious.
01:29Dude, you're amazing.
01:33What'd you find this kid?
01:34Only fangs.
01:36I am loving this whole emo thing you have going on.
01:40We should just wrap this up before the sun comes up, right?
01:43Actually, that's a myth.
01:45That's hysterical.
01:47They got jokes.
01:49Aren't you there for your job at the truck stop glory hall?
01:52Good evening, ladies.
01:54It's the facade, Twilight.
01:55Don't do this.
02:01You killed a guy and drank his blood.
02:06That's crazy.
02:10Ethan Barr, my favorite vampire.
02:14Do you have any idea what it's like to be emotionally dead inside?
02:17Have you met me?
02:18I'm a comedian.
02:22Do you want to touch it?
02:25Jesus.
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