00:00Hi, everyone.
00:01Bye.
00:02I was just thinking about how kind of cathartic this is
00:05to talk to people that kind of understand
00:11kind of the darker stuff that we've sort of lived through.
00:14It's just a great feeling.
00:19Oh, yeah.
00:24I'm not the things my family did.
00:27I'm not the voices in my head.
00:31I'm not the pieces of the brokenness inside.
00:39No, I'm not the things that I have made
00:43or any of the things that cause me pain.
00:48No, I'm not the pieces of the dream I left behind.
01:10I think I knew.
01:12I think I knew for a while.
01:14A lot of, like, my seventh and eighth grade year
01:17was me looking up, like, depression tests online
01:19and doing different things like that.
01:22Like, I think that I had a sense of it.
01:24I think I knew that I was sad,
01:26but I didn't quite understand depression fully
01:29because even when I was in eighth grade,
01:31it wasn't a very common subject amongst people.
01:35Only when I got into high school
01:36did it start being voiced by people,
01:38but I was very, very confused.
01:41Depression didn't really kick in, like, full-blown depression
01:44until I was probably in middle school,
01:46and that's when I would hit these bouts
01:48of just this dark kind of sadness
01:51I really couldn't understand.
01:54I felt alone and I felt scared.
01:57I was having these ideas
01:59of what killing myself would even look like.
02:04Probably the first time I thought about suicide
02:06was when I was 13.
02:07I would imagine what I would look like in a casket
02:10or I would imagine kind of what my funeral would look like.
02:17I don't think I ever fully wanted to die.
02:21I think I wanted to escape.
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