00:01It's time to nut up or shut up.
00:39Oh God.
00:40Hey, possum, Abe.
00:41Sorry, just you in that chair.
00:42I think I would have made a damn fine president.
00:45You would have brought a real dignity to the office.
00:47You're welcome, America.
00:51Welcome to Zombieland.
00:52Life is about more than just survival.
00:55We were a family.
00:56Dysfunctional, sure, but what family isn't?
00:58Merry Christmas.
01:00What would you like, little girl?
01:02I'd really like for you to stop calling me little girl.
01:04Do you know what I would like?
01:05I don't give a shit what you mean.
01:08It felt so good to be on the move again.
01:10Move!
01:11Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
01:13Hi, I'm Columbus.
01:14Madison.
01:14This is Tallahassee.
01:15Hey, Paul Blart.
01:16Is this your dad?
01:20Wipsy, I forgot the seatbelt rule.
01:22Oh, so she knows the rules?
01:24I told her just a few of them.
01:2573, and are there more?
01:27You're cute, I like it.
01:31My sister is gone.
01:33She picked up a boy.
01:34He's from Berkeley.
01:35Berkeley.
01:36You don't have weed, do you?
01:37Do I look like the type of person that would have weed?
01:40I'm sorry.
01:41Boone?
01:42Yeah?
01:43I have nothing against hippies.
01:44I just want to beat the shit out of them.
01:47We're going to go get her.
01:48We ride it, Donald.
01:52Start talking.
01:53You first.
01:54Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
01:55All right, let's open up.
02:00Yeah, kill me.
02:02No, kill me.
02:03Light him up.
02:03Kill me.
02:05Kill me.
02:06Shoot you.
02:06Kill me.
02:07Fly you.
02:09Kill me.
02:09No!
02:10That's my right.
02:11Oh, my apologies, little Elvis.
02:13Is it me or does he kind of remind you of...
02:16I don't like you. At all.
02:19I think you double parked. Or more perpendicular parked.
02:22Hope we don't get a ticket.
02:23What is going on here?
02:25What?
02:25Hello everyone.
02:27Am I hallucinating?
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