00:13So what was it like being married?
00:17It's hard for sure.
00:22But there's something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody.
00:28How do you share your life with somebody?
00:43Well, we grew up together.
00:46I used to read all of her writing, all through her master's and PhD.
00:51She read every word I ever wrote.
00:54We were a big influence on each other.
00:56In what way did you influence her?
00:59She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough.
01:04That was something that weighed heavy on her.
01:06But in our house together, there was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and
01:12to be excited about things.
01:14That was liberating for her.
01:16It was exciting to see her grow and both of us grow and change together.
01:22But, you know, that's also the hard part.
01:24Growing apart or changing without it scaring the other person.
01:29I still find myself having conversations with her in my mind.
01:34I have some older arguments and defending myself against something she said about me.
01:39Yeah, I know what you mean.
01:42Last week, my feelings were hurt by something you said before that I don't know what it's like to lose
01:46something.
01:47And I found myself...
01:48Oh, I'm sorry I said that.
01:49No, it's okay.
01:50It's okay.
01:50I just, I caught myself thinking about it over and over and then I realized that I was simply remembering
02:00it as something that was wrong with me.
02:02That was a story I was telling myself, that I was somehow inferior.
02:08Isn't that interesting?
02:11The past is just a story we tell ourselves.
02:22And sometimes, I think I've felt everything I'm ever going to feel.
02:31And from here on out, I'm not going to feel anything new.
02:37I know for a fact that is not true.
02:41I've seen you feel joy.
02:44I've seen you marvel at things.
02:47I mean, you just might not see it at this exact time, but that's understandable.
02:54You've been through a lot lately.
02:57Tonight, after you were gone, I thought a lot about you.
03:02And I thought, why do I love you?
03:08And then, I felt everything in me just let go of everything I was holding on to so tightly.
03:15And it hit me that I don't have an intellectual reason.
03:18I don't need one.
03:19I trust myself.
03:21I trust my feelings.
03:23I'm not going to try to be anything other than who I am anymore.
03:27And I hope you can accept that.
03:30I can.
03:31I will.
03:33You know, I can feel the fear that you carry around.
03:37And I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it.
03:42Because if you could, I don't think you'd feel so alone anymore.
03:49You're beautiful.
03:51Thank you, Theodore.
03:53Thank you, Theodore.
03:56Thank you, Theodore.
03:58Grazie a tutti
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