00:02I feel so alive right now
00:04My love burns for you like
00:06What have we got here then?
00:08Couple of rogue colonists
00:09I got this
00:10I don't got this
00:12Perhaps this will make you forget what you've seen here
00:14This is him
00:18When did those British soldiers arrive?
00:20Last night
00:21And no one rode around on a horse saying the British are coming, the British are coming?
00:24No
00:24Deborah, I must go
00:26What if I screwed up the American Revolution?
00:31Chris, I have questions about colonial Massachusetts, it's urgent
00:34You have urgent questions about colonial Massachusetts?
00:38Yes!
00:39Something screwed up the American Revolution
00:41And you're the only person that knows enough about history to help me out
00:43Prepare to have your mind blown
00:47A really big duffel bag?
00:49It's a time machine
00:50I go to the past every weekend, sometimes Tuesdays
00:53Come on, get in
00:54Never, no
00:55Why not?
00:55What story starts with a guy getting in a duffel bag in a garage and has a happy ending?
01:00Our story
01:01What's at my feet?
01:02Ham
01:02You can eat it, trade bites for favors
01:04In the 1700s, ham is pretty much like diamond-covered heroin
01:11Welcome to 1775
01:14I probably should have told you the past smells like duty
01:16Because there's poop everywhere
01:19This is amazing!
01:21Just so you know, I think the guys in red are British
01:23Yeah, this is bad
01:24Yeah
01:25How are we going to start this war?
01:26The founding fathers
01:27They used to gather at this place called Buckman Tavern
01:28I know Buckman Tavern
01:29Last time I was here, I got trashed there
01:31You like to party?
01:32I've been known to have a white wine or three
01:35This trip is going to suck
01:37I just got to
01:39See my girlfriend real quick
01:40You have a girlfriend in the past?
01:42I made you a hat
01:42Oh, perfect fit
01:44I disguised myself in a female bear carcass
01:46And then when the male became aroused, I slaughtered him
01:49Wow
01:50I wrote you a song
01:52Near
01:54Far
01:56Wherever
01:57You are
01:58What are you doing?
01:59Sometimes I use things from the future to
02:01Make them like me more
02:03Fellas
02:04I am going to give a speech that will rally a revolt
02:09Taxation
02:09Without representing slaves
02:11Who brought a slave in here?
02:14Try something from a movie
02:15Show me the money
02:17Show me the money
02:19Show me the money
02:20Show me the money
02:22Show me the money
02:24Show me the money
02:25Hancock Adams
02:27Show me the money
02:29I don't know why I like that
02:31But I do
02:32Daniel
02:33Is it true
02:33You've been courting Deborah Revere?
02:35Your girlfriend is Paul Revere's daughter?
02:37I've arranged for my daughter to marry a blacksmith
02:39But she has been seen
02:40Gallivanting around with some blackguard
02:41I must find
02:42And kill this man
02:44Maybe you should
02:44Honor her choices
02:46What do you know about my daughter?
02:48Nothing
02:48Ham
02:51Or square
02:52You're messing around with the history of the world
02:55So you can have a girlfriend
02:56In 2016
02:57I'm like a colossal screw up
02:59In 1775
03:00I have an amazing girlfriend
03:01That is super pathetic
03:08I have a plan
03:09You two go back to 2016
03:11Leave me behind
03:12What?
03:12Why?
03:12I'm going to start the American Revolution
03:16You're the type of guy that can help save history
03:19Here
03:20What's this?
03:21Diarrhea medication
03:22You're wearing velvet pants with no zippers
03:24Don't be stupid
03:26So in 2016
03:27Black people and white people are friends
03:30Yes, exactly
03:31What?
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