00:00It's time to say goodbye to grand gestures.
00:03That was fun.
00:04The grandest it gets these days is swiping right instead of left.
00:09As your local hopeless romantic, and sad to report, romance is dead.
00:15Okay, um, I'm gonna kill you, Colin.
00:17What? Why?
00:18Because your love life's boring.
00:22It's not that boring.
00:23You write a sex column with no sex.
00:26I do stuff.
00:27I should go.
00:29Make your column less boring.
00:31I have made $67,000 in gifts.
00:35Am I a prostitute?
00:37No.
00:38A gold digger?
00:39Maybe.
00:40The sugar baby.
00:41So are you gonna get in?
00:43He's into arrangements.
00:44I could say something.
00:46Please don't.
00:47You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
00:49Uh, I'd like to see you again.
00:51You gonna date this guy?
00:53No.
00:54Professor sounds hot.
00:55He's not hot, hot.
00:57He's kind of charming.
00:58For gonzo journalism.
00:59The writer has to become the story.
01:01Being solicited is just the first part.
01:03What happens afterwards, that's the story.
01:05There's something about him that I couldn't put my finger on.
01:08So, what the hell?
01:12Wealthy, older people supporting struggling younger ones is nothing revolutionary.
01:20Maybe relationships aren't supposed to be for love, but for survival.
01:24Why don't you have a girlfriend?
01:26I don't want to spend my time texting or fighting.
01:29A mutually beneficial relationship.
01:31I was a sugar baby.
01:33I was a sugar baby.
01:34The hopeless romantic is dragging in all the hits.
01:37I loved your last column.
01:39I don't write a column.
01:40So, okay.
01:43My column is anonymous.
01:45Why?
01:46You're not a hooker.
01:47I can't do this right now.
01:48This isn't how this works.
01:49I don't know what being a hooker feels like.
01:51What if it feels just like this?
01:53How journalism works is you follow the story, not your feelings.
01:56You okay?
01:58This would be the moment where it would seem all hope is lost.
02:01But this isn't a rom-com from the 90s.
02:07This is my story.
02:15I got bored.
02:16Then I got bored when I was baking.
02:17So, I sprinkled in a bunch of Molly.
02:20No.
02:23Are you okay?
02:24My mom tries.
02:27I got bored.
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