- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:08The tea? Cinnamon. The girl? Late. 23 minutes late. Two more minutes and I'm leaving.
00:00:21They were always nervous, which was expected. I knew what I looked like.
00:00:31Chiseled? Check. Caramel blonde hair that somehow manages to look wavy and thick all the damn time? Check. Sexy crooked
00:00:45smile? Check.
00:00:50And don't even get me started on penis size. It just gets better the further south you go.
00:00:56No. Trust me.
00:01:06It's dead.
00:01:11Or sit. But I doubt that's the way to get on the good side of that barista you've been trying
00:01:15not to check out since you walked through that door.
00:01:18I haven't been.
00:01:20Jealousy is a crucial emotion that men feel before falling in love.
00:01:26I won't bite.
00:01:31Yet.
00:01:33Take it.
00:01:38I hate tea.
00:01:39No, you love tea.
00:01:45Smile.
00:01:46What?
00:01:48Hey.
00:01:49Um, you guys need anything, or?
00:01:51Yeah, I'll send my girlfriend over if we need anything.
00:01:53How's that?
00:01:58Thanks, though.
00:02:06Stop fidgeting and sit up straight.
00:02:07Sorry.
00:02:08It's just that he's only talked to me, like, twice, and only to ask me if I want sugar in
00:02:13my coffee.
00:02:15So...
00:02:15He hates coffee.
00:02:26Touch me.
00:02:30Lower.
00:02:32Stop staring, or we're done.
00:02:36No laugh.
00:02:42That'll do, too.
00:02:44Hey, Michelle.
00:02:45If you need anything, just let me know.
00:02:49Okay?
00:02:50I'm...
00:02:50I'm good with my tea.
00:02:53You hate tea.
00:02:54No?
00:02:55She loves tea.
00:02:59Asshole.
00:03:02He knows my name.
00:03:05Who are you?
00:03:07Ian Hunter.
00:03:08Master wingman.
00:03:09And your only chance in hell of getting...
00:03:12That.
00:03:13There you go.
00:03:14Appreciate it.
00:03:16When do we start?
00:03:19Three minutes ago.
00:03:22Three minutes ago.
00:03:49Hey, how was she?
00:03:50Because if she's not a good fit, I have another girl that offered to pay me in sexual favors move
00:03:53at the top.
00:03:54Now, cross her off the list.
00:03:56If she knows how to give favors, she knows how to get her own damn man.
00:03:59Noted.
00:04:00Oh, and Gabby says if you don't make it tonight for dinner, she's going to glue your hand to your
00:04:04penis, although she was much more graphic.
00:04:07Oh, well, always is.
00:04:08I'm on my way.
00:04:09See you there.
00:04:13I didn't pick this life.
00:04:14It's not like I woke up one morning and went, whoa, wouldn't it be so badass to help women get
00:04:19the guy?
00:04:20I'm a coach, and coaches have their playbooks.
00:04:23It's not enough to know how to play the game.
00:04:26You have to know how to read the plays.
00:04:28Know your opponent.
00:04:30That's what Wingman Inc. is about.
00:04:32And who better to teach women how not to get played than the actual player?
00:04:36So what do I owe this pleasure?
00:04:37I'm not your client, Ian.
00:04:39Cut with a smooth-talking, love-coach voice.
00:04:41You promised.
00:04:44I did?
00:04:45You forgot, didn't you?
00:04:47Of course not.
00:04:48Come on.
00:04:48Sometimes I wonder why we're friends.
00:04:50Because you like watching me while I sleep?
00:04:51One time, Ian.
00:04:53The welcome party for my two new roommates?
00:04:55You were supposed to bring the chips and dip.
00:04:56I'm sorry, Gabs.
00:04:58I'll be there in 15 minutes.
00:05:00You better.
00:05:16Wow.
00:05:17Your top looks gorgeous with your skin tone.
00:05:23Sometimes it was just too easy.
00:05:29You said 15 minutes.
00:05:31Did I say 15?
00:05:32I could have sworn I said 20.
00:05:34You smell like cheap perfume.
00:05:35Seriously, you smell bad, dude.
00:05:37Go shower.
00:05:38Okay, I'll put out the food here.
00:05:39Your extra clothes are still in my room.
00:05:40Just get rid of the stink.
00:05:42She has a name, you know.
00:05:44Although I really couldn't read her name tag
00:05:45because with her lips wrapped around me,
00:05:47she was blocking the view.
00:05:48One of these days, you're going to get smited.
00:05:50Or is it smoked?
00:05:51That sounds dirty.
00:05:52I can't wait to try that.
00:05:54Relax.
00:05:54Hmm?
00:05:56Hmm.
00:06:24Oh, my God.
00:06:28I kind of had you pegged for a boy shorts, girl.
00:06:34What are you doing in my room?
00:06:36You mean Gabby's room.
00:06:37I mean my room.
00:06:39And you are.
00:06:42Look, I got about three minutes before Gabby hands my ass.
00:06:44Did you want to go on the bed or the floor, since you're already there?
00:06:48What? What are you talking about?
00:06:51Down to about two minutes.
00:06:52Not going to lie.
00:06:53It's going to be a little difficult, but I could probably conjure something up that would cause a little panting.
00:06:57Maybe a scream or two.
00:06:58A scream?
00:07:00Are you a stripper for the party?
00:07:02No.
00:07:04Come here.
00:07:04About ten seconds left.
00:07:06I don't even think I could perform miracles with this caliber.
00:07:10Get out of my room.
00:07:12Gabby's room?
00:07:12We switched.
00:07:14Oh.
00:07:14Yeah.
00:07:15Okay.
00:07:16So, uh, that would make Gabby's room?
00:07:20Yeah.
00:07:21Gotcha.
00:07:22You lost.
00:07:24Could have rocked your world.
00:07:25My world doesn't need rocking.
00:07:27Uh-huh.
00:07:27Well, every girl needs to allow the world to be rocked at least once.
00:07:33Or said rocking's coming from what?
00:07:36Sometimes twice.
00:07:40Yeah, well, it's a little more complicated than that.
00:07:43Yeah.
00:07:43But it's not just ones and zeros.
00:07:47You know?
00:07:48Well, that's amazing.
00:07:52Okay.
00:07:54It's been ten minutes.
00:07:55Tell me you didn't.
00:07:57Didn't?
00:07:57Why?
00:07:57Why are you having a bad?
00:07:58What the hell?
00:07:59Where's Blake?
00:08:00Is she on a basketball team?
00:08:00No, where is she?
00:08:02Soccer.
00:08:02No.
00:08:02Ian, if you touched her, I swear I'll rip her golden locks from your brain one by one.
00:08:07Golf.
00:08:08Volleyball, actually.
00:08:09That explains the clothes.
00:08:11What's wrong with my clothes?
00:08:16He belonged to you?
00:08:17Unfortunately.
00:08:18You know how your parents always tell you to not feed strays?
00:08:21He was so cute at first, like all puppies.
00:08:24Then he started biting my friends.
00:08:25Love you too, boo.
00:08:28Okay, all right.
00:08:29Are we going to do this or what?
00:08:31I have a test in the morning.
00:08:31Not yet.
00:08:32This is a welcome party for my new roommates, Serena and Blake.
00:08:35We have to socialize first.
00:08:36Come on, Gab.
00:08:37We already met the roommates.
00:08:38Ian brought food and you're still single.
00:08:40I mean, all's right in the world.
00:08:43No, no, no, no.
00:08:44Come on.
00:08:45Come on, man.
00:08:46Here, sit.
00:08:47Sit.
00:08:47We're all going to watch this show.
00:08:49And then, have a little dessert.
00:08:54Should have never fed him that first treat.
00:08:57Wants me day and night, Blake.
00:08:59Day and night.
00:09:10What's up, my man?
00:09:12What's the news?
00:09:13Serena.
00:09:14Oh, okay.
00:09:15Wildcat in bed.
00:09:16Forgot my name twice.
00:09:19Asked me if I believed in unicorns.
00:09:21I was attending Comic-Con three times.
00:09:23And when I asked for her number, she cried.
00:09:27Cried?
00:09:28Damn.
00:09:29What's been on your A-game last night?
00:09:31I'm never off my game.
00:09:33So that one time you hit on Gab's was a fluke?
00:09:36I was drunk.
00:09:38Can we please not talk about Gabby this early in the morning?
00:09:40It really messes with the rest of my day.
00:09:42Hi, man.
00:09:44Hi.
00:09:44Your schedule's full, but a new one popped up on the site this morning, and I wasn't sure
00:09:48if you wanted me to let her reply.
00:09:51Do it.
00:09:52Look, I gotta go.
00:09:54Shell has this early morning class with douche pants, and I gotta walk her to class holding
00:09:58her books, and then kiss her on the forehead.
00:10:01Tale as old as time, my friend.
00:10:03You know it.
00:10:10Stop here.
00:10:21Did he notice?
00:10:22No, he noticed.
00:10:24Now you can give him your number.
00:10:25Don't answer the first text.
00:10:26Answer the third.
00:10:27Always the third.
00:10:29But what if he doesn't ask for it?
00:10:31Trust me, he will.
00:10:32Off you go.
00:10:38I just blazed through rules.
00:10:39One, two, three, and four.
00:10:41Rule one.
00:10:42Make them curious.
00:10:44Rule two.
00:10:44Don't appear too interested.
00:10:47Rule three.
00:10:48Give them a method of contact, but keep the ball in your court.
00:10:51Rule four.
00:10:53Never answer the first text.
00:10:59Sorry, bro.
00:11:01You.
00:11:05Hi.
00:11:07Oh, fans of yours?
00:11:11Well, the club has an opening.
00:11:13They made posters last year.
00:11:15You clearly have too high of an opinion of yourself.
00:11:18Some say not high enough.
00:11:38You're going to make it?
00:11:41You're going to make it?
00:11:48Blue.
00:11:50What?
00:11:51Your eyes.
00:11:52They're a nice ice blue.
00:11:54I'm not interested.
00:11:57In men?
00:11:58In you.
00:11:59So stop talking.
00:12:01Open your book for those who brought them to page 34.
00:12:13Oh, and just a reminder, there will be a quiz on chapter four next week.
00:12:18Lake.
00:12:27It worked.
00:12:28Of course it did.
00:12:29He's going to try and get you alone.
00:12:31Don't let him.
00:12:32But.
00:12:32Now, rule number five.
00:12:34You're busy.
00:12:34You are always busy unless I say you aren't.
00:12:37Ian, you are the best.
00:12:46Interesting.
00:12:54Waiting for someone?
00:12:56Yes, I am.
00:12:57And it's very important, so can you please leave?
00:13:02Forget it.
00:13:03This is a stupid idea.
00:13:04I doubt David would approve of this attitude.
00:13:07Says here that he values optimism above all things.
00:13:11What?
00:13:15Come with me.
00:13:16Let's go.
00:13:23What is this?
00:13:26Wingman Inc.
00:13:28No, no, no.
00:13:29You've got to be kidding me.
00:13:31I'm not kidding you.
00:13:32Lex and I are the masterminds behind the fastest growing dating service in the Pacific Northwest.
00:13:36Some say I'm a modern-day Superman saving women from themselves while Lex plays sidekick.
00:13:42You're welcome.
00:13:44You're such an ass.
00:13:46And I'm also your new love coach.
00:13:47That is if you're still interested.
00:13:50Look, we have a 99% success rate.
00:13:53If you follow the rules, take my guidance and advice, you'll be popping out little Davids in no time.
00:13:58What?
00:13:58Kids?
00:13:59Yeah.
00:14:00Or whatever it is you want.
00:14:02I'll get it for you.
00:14:06Can I think about it?
00:14:07Sure.
00:14:08You have one minute.
00:14:09Look, this was an impulse.
00:14:12A girl on my team, she gave me her card after I kept complaining about David, not noticing me.
00:14:17Yeah, I know.
00:14:17Megan.
00:14:17Nice girl.
00:14:1930 seconds.
00:14:22Fine.
00:14:23Good.
00:14:23Look, I don't like to candy coat or anything, so I'm going to be real honest here.
00:14:26If we're going to turn the head of the captain of the basketball team, we have a lot of work
00:14:31to do.
00:14:33But I'm the best, and we start tonight.
00:14:36Lex is going to look over the details and send you the schedule tonight.
00:14:39Okay?
00:14:40Oh, and if David tries to reach out to you at all during this process, contact me first.
00:14:44If he texts you, ignore him.
00:14:47If he calls you, you're busy with your new study partner.
00:14:49Oh.
00:14:50Is that you?
00:14:53Blake, not only am I your new study partner, from here on out, I'm your everything.
00:15:00I know you pride yourself on taking less than a week for a client to gain true love's kiss, but
00:15:06damn.
00:15:08Can't be that bad, my man.
00:15:09No, actually, it's worse.
00:15:10So you're saying she's a little virgin who has never kissed a man, blushes when she hears the word sex,
00:15:16can't spell the word orgasm, and believes in, ooh, love her first sight?
00:15:21Damn.
00:15:23Here's a questionnaire.
00:15:24Check out Blake's number 15.
00:15:26Number 15, all right.
00:15:27Number 15, what would you wear on a first date?
00:15:31Her answer, something comfortable like a baggy sweatshirt or a hat, because hats are mysterious.
00:15:39Number 16 is my favorite.
00:15:4116, my first kiss was.
00:15:43Her answer, hopefully it'll be great.
00:15:48Yeah, I especially like the smiley face and the heart emoji.
00:15:52I'm going to see you tonight, so I'll follow up on these.
00:15:54Did you want to finish the questionnaire or should I?
00:15:56No, no, that's all you, bro.
00:16:03Just, no.
00:16:05Yeah, no.
00:16:15How do you do that?
00:16:18Just lead girls on like that?
00:16:21Every single one of them is staring and whispering.
00:16:26And one of them just took a picture?
00:16:28Two, actually.
00:16:31Yeah, but why?
00:16:32It's not like you're famous or anything.
00:16:37Are you?
00:16:40Was.
00:16:42Are you going to just leave it like that, or do you want to explain?
00:16:49Well, not much to explain.
00:16:51My, um, sophomore year, I got an exemption to play pro football, and then I got injured.
00:17:00So here I am.
00:17:02He's in the door.
00:17:03It's getting much better.
00:17:03I'm looking good.
00:17:05Yeah.
00:17:05Well, what, uh, what just happened here?
00:17:08Man, that's a good practice, guys.
00:17:10Hey, let's take the spot here again.
00:17:11He's here.
00:17:14Yeah, I know.
00:17:16That's why we're here.
00:17:18He comes here every night after basketball practice.
00:17:22We're doing a little recon.
00:17:25Your file shows that you met when you were four, and, um, you guys actually took baths together.
00:17:32So I'm just wondering what this whole, like, shy deal's about, because, uh, you know, you've seen the goods, sister.
00:17:39The goods?
00:17:40I didn't have goods when I was four.
00:17:43Well, I can't even tell if you have goods now, um, considering the baggy clothes you wear.
00:17:52Okay, can we just go before he sees us, please?
00:17:55And that's a bad idea, why?
00:17:58Because every time I'm around him, I just, I act like a dude, like I'm one of the guys, and
00:18:03I just want him to see me differently.
00:18:07I want him to know I have boobs.
00:18:11All right, well, like I said before, the jury's still clearly out on that one.
00:18:24Are you sniffing my hair?
00:18:26No.
00:18:27Is he looking?
00:18:29No, he's eating.
00:18:31Bastard.
00:18:32God, he must be clueless.
00:18:34Uh, you know what?
00:18:35No, he wants to see you.
00:18:36Come here.
00:18:36Sir, look at me.
00:18:37Okay.
00:18:42Come on.
00:18:46Come on.
00:18:50Ah.
00:18:51Ah.
00:18:52Ah.
00:18:55Ah.
00:18:59Ah.
00:19:00Ah.
00:19:00Ah.
00:19:04Blake?
00:19:05Hi.
00:19:06Ah.
00:19:06Sorry we didn't see you when we, when we came in.
00:19:09Yeah.
00:19:09Who's your friend?
00:19:11Name's Ian.
00:19:13Ian?
00:19:15Ian.
00:19:16How's it going, man?
00:19:17Ah.
00:19:17Good.
00:19:18David, you should've seen this guy play.
00:19:20Yeah, let's, ah, not bore him with that.
00:19:22Nice to meet you, David.
00:19:23Ah.
00:19:23How do you, uh, know my girl?
00:19:28Your, your girl?
00:19:30Yeah, my girl.
00:19:35I didn't realize you were, uh, dating anybody.
00:19:39Oh, I didn't realize you were her dad.
00:19:44Hell no, man, we know, we, we go way back.
00:19:47We've been friends since before we could walk, you know?
00:19:51Oh, that's a real cute story.
00:19:54Um, well, nice to meet you, Blake's dad.
00:19:57Kidding.
00:19:58Nice to meet you, David.
00:20:00Yeah, it's nice to meet you.
00:20:03It's good to see you, Blake.
00:20:05You too.
00:20:06Shall we?
00:20:08Yeah.
00:20:19You okay?
00:20:20Yeah.
00:20:23I think that's the first time he's ever looked at me.
00:20:26Like you have boobs.
00:20:28Exactly.
00:20:37Next.
00:20:42All right, I'm gonna count to five.
00:20:43I don't think it fits.
00:20:45Okay, look, they measured you.
00:20:46It fits.
00:20:47Uh, we gotta go.
00:20:48Gabby said we got dinner at six.
00:20:51This is just too much pressure.
00:20:53I mean, how do I, how do I know if it fits?
00:20:55They're, they're boobs.
00:20:56How do I know if it looks good?
00:20:57Let's go.
00:20:58Open up before I crawl under it.
00:20:59Come on, let's go.
00:21:05Scale of one to ten?
00:21:07How awful is it?
00:21:11Like you look great.
00:21:14You sound bored.
00:21:16No, your, your boobs, they, they look good.
00:21:20Abby?
00:21:22You think?
00:21:25I'm just not good at this.
00:21:27I didn't grow up with a mom, so.
00:21:32Well, men are turned on by sight.
00:21:36Girls by touch.
00:21:38By wearing something fitting, you're guaranteeing that he won't see you as a buddy, but as a partner.
00:21:44That's what you wanted, right?
00:21:47Right.
00:21:49Well, you look good.
00:21:51I'll be eating out in your hand in no time.
00:21:54Not confident in your abilities.
00:21:56No, but I'm pretty confident in yours.
00:21:59Sir, you need to get out of the dressing room.
00:22:01We don't allow customers to play in the product before they purchase.
00:22:06Play?
00:22:07Hanky Pinky.
00:22:09Oh, you mean sex.
00:22:11Sir, get out of the dressing room.
00:22:13Stop it.
00:22:15Stop it.
00:22:17Sir!
00:22:17Just a minute.
00:22:19Get out.
00:22:19Get out.
00:22:20Sir!
00:22:21We're coming, we're coming out.
00:22:22I'm going to call security.
00:22:29We'll take it all.
00:22:53If you hurt her, I'm going to break off your favorite appendage.
00:23:01Sorry.
00:23:02Traffic was shit.
00:23:03What's up?
00:23:04Usually?
00:23:04Yep.
00:23:10So, uh, where's the other roomie?
00:23:14I'm here.
00:23:16You okay?
00:23:18Yep.
00:23:19Lex!
00:23:26Lex!
00:23:33So, uh, Blake, I like your new look.
00:23:36Thanks.
00:23:37It was Ian.
00:23:38He was a big help.
00:23:40It's okay, I guess.
00:23:41I mean, if you're into working out.
00:23:43Well, clearly she is.
00:23:44Look at her.
00:23:49Oh, my God.
00:23:51I'm so sorry.
00:23:53No, it's okay.
00:23:54It slipped.
00:23:55No, no, no, no.
00:23:55It's okay.
00:23:56It's okay.
00:23:56It's just workout clothes.
00:23:58I can always wash them.
00:24:02Mmm.
00:24:03Yeah, this is good.
00:24:04Oh, it's fine.
00:24:05It's fine.
00:24:06I can do.
00:24:13Have you kissed her yet?
00:24:20Oh, I will take that as a no.
00:24:24She's never kissed another guy, man.
00:24:26It would be, um, wrong.
00:24:28You know that.
00:24:31Wrong?
00:24:31Mm-hmm.
00:24:35Are you falling for her?
00:24:38No.
00:24:40Hell no.
00:24:42Have you seen her flip-flops?
00:24:43Jesus.
00:24:46What is her main role?
00:24:49Don't fall for clients.
00:24:53Don't fall for the clients.
00:24:58I think it's clean, bro.
00:25:02No dessert?
00:25:07Can I talk to you for a second upstairs?
00:25:09Sure, yeah.
00:25:21What's wrong?
00:25:24Hands up.
00:25:25Hello?
00:25:25Yep.
00:25:26Okay, here we go.
00:25:33You're wearing, uh, you're, uh, you're wearing a thong.
00:25:35Hmm.
00:25:36Yeah.
00:25:37Does the stripping have a purpose?
00:25:41Stripping should always have a purpose.
00:25:43Um, we need to wash your clothes.
00:25:46And I needed help with that or what?
00:25:47Do you have any giant hoodies in here?
00:25:49No.
00:25:53No.
00:25:54No.
00:25:56No.
00:25:57No.
00:26:03Okay, honest moment.
00:26:04Why do you, uh, why do you wear clothes like this?
00:26:08Well, everybody has their own thing, right?
00:26:13What?
00:26:15Nothing, um, right.
00:26:18Tomorrow, me and you, we're going to go work out together.
00:26:21We have to get to the gym early before David because we're going to catch him by surprise.
00:26:24Adrenaline pumps when you work out and hot chick's watching.
00:26:28Even better.
00:26:30You said hot chick.
00:26:32Not cute.
00:26:33You're hot.
00:26:33Trust me.
00:26:34Come here.
00:26:35So tomorrow when he sees us, we're going to need to flirt.
00:26:37The problem is that, uh, you flinch when I try to touch you.
00:26:41No, I don't.
00:26:43I don't.
00:26:47Okay, you see that?
00:26:49That look right there?
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:51That really pissed off look, it sometimes can be confused for lust.
00:26:54So maybe I'll just piss you off the entire workout.
00:26:56That might work, but if it doesn't, I might need to kiss you.
00:27:00Okay?
00:27:01And if I do, I need to know that you're not going to scratch my eyes out or give me
00:27:05in the balls.
00:27:06I might.
00:27:08Guess you just have to wait and find out.
00:27:10No.
00:27:11Never play a player.
00:27:13It doesn't work.
00:27:15Okay, sweet cheeks?
00:27:17Sweet cheeks?
00:27:23Sweet cheeks.
00:27:26Okay.
00:27:28I think lesson time is over.
00:27:32Yeah.
00:27:33Uh, oh, I'll be back at 4.30 to pick you up.
00:27:36For in the morning?
00:27:36Mm-hmm.
00:27:37Oh, okay.
00:27:39It's better work.
00:27:40It's never not worked, so, uh, unless you have a second thoughts.
00:27:44No, no, I'm not.
00:27:54Um, 4.30.
00:27:57Be ready.
00:28:08Be ready.
00:28:08Two more.
00:28:09One more.
00:28:13One more.
00:28:15You tired?
00:28:17Exhausting.
00:28:17Yeah.
00:28:18I love that feeling.
00:28:19It's the best.
00:28:20What next?
00:28:20I'll stretch you out.
00:28:21Come on.
00:28:30Okay, let's, uh, warm up on the bench.
00:28:35Can you grab some 45s?
00:28:37Let's get started.
00:28:38Stay calm.
00:28:39You're good.
00:28:40Relax.
00:28:40Ow.
00:28:43Your pain.
00:28:45It feels amazing.
00:28:51What?
00:28:55Blake?
00:28:57Oh, hey.
00:28:58Hey.
00:28:59Hey, David.
00:29:00I didn't see you there.
00:29:04Whoa.
00:29:06You look...
00:29:08Exhausted?
00:29:10Yeah, Ian really knows how to work me.
00:29:14Boy, you know, if you ever...
00:29:15You ever need help with the gym, you can always ask me.
00:29:19Oh, thanks for the offer, but...
00:29:21David, I think I got it.
00:29:25All right.
00:29:26The offer stands.
00:29:29It's really good to see you, Blake.
00:29:31You look, uh, good.
00:29:36Thanks.
00:29:46Skip the warm-up.
00:29:47Put another one on.
00:29:58Wow.
00:30:01Oh, no.
00:30:04Oh, no.
00:30:09Sorry.
00:30:15Well, that was a really great first kiss.
00:30:21Damn it.
00:30:23I was ruining everything.
00:30:25I was her first kiss?
00:30:26Me?
00:30:27The certified man whore?
00:30:29Not the man she was in love with?
00:30:30Can I get you guys anything else?
00:30:33I don't suppose you moonlight as a massage therapist.
00:30:36Well done.
00:30:38That line was delivered perfectly.
00:30:39No, but I am good with my hands.
00:30:42Doubtful.
00:30:43Very doubtful.
00:30:45Great.
00:30:46The sooner I finish with Shell, the sooner I could...
00:30:49What?
00:30:50Finish with Blake?
00:30:51Let's go to Shell.
00:30:52Well, what if she doesn't want to go with you?
00:30:55The last round goes to the barista.
00:30:58Ian, I think you should go.
00:31:00Well, if that's what you want, Shell.
00:31:05The last round always goes to the guy.
00:31:10Blake.
00:31:13Gaps?
00:31:15Blake.
00:31:17Oh, there you are.
00:31:19Jeez, some people are trying to sleep.
00:31:21Oh, really?
00:31:24Mmm.
00:31:25Cute hair.
00:31:27Sick, you ass.
00:31:28Oh, really?
00:31:30Jesus.
00:31:30You're lucky you don't have the clap from all the sex you've had.
00:31:33And you're afraid of a little cold.
00:31:35Well, yeah, I don't like germs.
00:31:37What do you want?
00:31:38Why are you here?
00:31:41Had an idea for Blake.
00:31:42She's upstairs.
00:31:44The pipe in the bathroom broke and there was water everywhere.
00:31:47I tried getting a plumber, but she said something about her friend's dad being a plumber.
00:31:52And suddenly some tall dude showed up and said he could fix it.
00:31:56You can't fix the pipe.
00:31:58I can clean them, too.
00:32:01David.
00:32:03Who?
00:32:04Thank you, David.
00:32:06No.
00:32:06Yeah.
00:32:07Ian.
00:32:08Oh.
00:32:09Oh, my God.
00:32:10Are you sick, too?
00:32:11Oh, I think so.
00:32:12Oh, yeah.
00:32:17Blake, hey, uh, uh, I'm pretty sure he's going to be just fine.
00:32:22The last thing that you need is to get sick for the big test on Friday, right?
00:32:26Would you want to get out of here?
00:32:29We can go get some ice cream or something so you're not stuck in the sick house.
00:32:32You know, he's, um, he's probably right.
00:32:34You shouldn't get sick.
00:32:37You know what?
00:32:38You're probably already coming down with something.
00:32:40I'm sorry, babe, if I'd known I wouldn't put my mouth all over you like that.
00:32:47Rain check?
00:32:48I just, I don't want you to get sick before your big game.
00:32:52Yeah, yeah, that's probably a good idea.
00:32:57But you do have my number now, so, uh, so call me anytime.
00:33:03It's good to see you.
00:33:05You too.
00:33:12Look, if you ask to hang out, you're busy.
00:33:15You're always busy until I say you're free.
00:33:17Rule number five clearly states this.
00:33:20If he tries to call you or wants to curse into hanging out, no.
00:33:23Especially when you're with another guy.
00:33:25It makes you look easy and it makes our relationship look fake.
00:33:29Yeah.
00:33:30Okay?
00:33:30Yeah.
00:33:31Mm-hmm.
00:33:33All right, um.
00:33:38I'll see you girls later.
00:33:49Lex, emergency meeting right now.
00:33:51What up?
00:33:52It's, uh, it's David.
00:33:54What is his deal?
00:33:55Well, she's moving through these steps way too fast and he's falling for it.
00:34:01Something's up with him.
00:34:02Can you bring up his file?
00:34:04Wait, you want to look at his file?
00:34:10David and Blake's compatibility.
00:34:1287%.
00:34:13Doesn't that seem kind of high?
00:34:15That's high.
00:34:16Really high.
00:34:17You like her.
00:34:19Well, yeah, I also like yogurt, so.
00:34:23Gabby called.
00:34:24Well, she's worried.
00:34:26Gabby called?
00:34:28Gabby called?
00:34:29She hates you.
00:34:31Yeah.
00:34:31She said at least ten times before finally getting to the real reason behind her phone call.
00:34:36She thinks you're hooking up with Blake.
00:34:38No.
00:34:39Not happening.
00:34:40Nor will it.
00:34:41Here, go get Gabby some soup.
00:34:43She's sick.
00:34:44I'm gonna go sleep off whatever I'm coming down with.
00:34:46Oh, and hopefully not die.
00:34:49If I turn into a zombie at some point, at least take a couple good pictures for you to decapitate
00:34:53me.
00:34:53You have my word.
00:34:59Wow, yeah.
00:35:01Look how you могут to see.
00:35:04Get caught up.
00:35:05Oh, wow.
00:35:06What're they?
00:35:08Oh, wow.
00:35:15Come on, card.
00:35:17Again.
00:35:19Bye.
00:35:21Bye.
00:35:22Bye.
00:35:22Bye.
00:35:24Bye.
00:35:24You're okay. It's just a fever.
00:35:26What are you doing here?
00:35:28We don't let women or clients into the house.
00:35:31Well, I texted you and I called you and then I threatened Gabby who threatened Lex.
00:35:39That worried about me, huh?
00:35:41About you?
00:35:42Oh, no, no, no. I'm doing this for entirely selfish reasons.
00:35:45Because if I lose my love coach, then I lose my love.
00:35:59Sorry. It just feels so good.
00:36:01You know what makes me feel even better right now?
00:36:03What's that?
00:36:04You and a hot nurse outfit.
00:36:05Oh, my God. You're such a pig.
00:36:08Right? But I'm more like one of those cute little pigs.
00:36:10Uh-huh.
00:36:11You know, the teacup ones?
00:36:13You know, just...
00:36:13The ones are so cute, you just kind of want to keep it forever.
00:36:15Okay. Come on.
00:36:19We need to get you in the bath.
00:36:20No.
00:36:21Let's go.
00:36:22We need to get your fever down. Come on.
00:36:24Oh, just let me die.
00:36:32Come on.
00:36:35Never leave a man behind.
00:36:41All right.
00:36:42In the bath.
00:36:44Come on.
00:36:45Let's go.
00:36:48Oh.
00:36:52Jesus Christ.
00:36:54Why is it so cold?
00:36:55It is not cold.
00:36:56It just feels like that because you have a fever, which we need to get down.
00:37:04All right.
00:37:05Well, this is up there for the second worst day of my life.
00:37:07Oh, yeah.
00:37:08The one's the first.
00:37:09The day I almost died.
00:37:13I think you'll be your best friends.
00:37:16Is that right?
00:37:16Mm-hmm.
00:37:18Yeah.
00:37:18I only have two.
00:37:20Gabs and Lex.
00:37:21And, you know, I'm going to kill them off soon.
00:37:24So there's a vacancy.
00:37:25Oh.
00:37:25Well, that's good to know.
00:37:28You're going to have to cook for me, though.
00:37:29Hey, I can do that.
00:37:30I used to cook for my dad and brother all the time, so...
00:37:33Really?
00:37:34Mm-hmm.
00:37:36Is your brother as pretty as you?
00:37:37He's dead.
00:37:42Mm-hmm.
00:37:43Sorry.
00:37:45Dying sucks.
00:37:47Yeah.
00:37:48It really does.
00:37:58Hey, Blake.
00:38:00Yeah?
00:38:02I like you.
00:38:05I like you, too.
00:38:17Mm-hmm.
00:38:21Mm-hmm.
00:38:25Mm-hmm.
00:38:42Clearly you're feeling better?
00:38:43Mm-hmm.
00:38:45Just a little delirious.
00:38:48Oh.
00:38:50Where are we at with that nurse outfit?
00:38:52Just no nurse costume.
00:38:54Um, I think you're healed, and I have to get you practice.
00:38:59Fine.
00:39:00Fine.
00:39:05Yeah, that.
00:39:06It's...
00:39:06It's morning.
00:39:07It happens.
00:39:08Yeah.
00:39:09It...
00:39:09That's not helping, Blake.
00:39:11Sorry.
00:39:13I'm just gonna...
00:39:15Mm-hmm.
00:39:18Sorry.
00:39:19Yeah, I just wanted to say that you need to stay in bed, and that I...
00:39:24I left you two Tylenol.
00:39:25You should take those, and I will bring you food after practice.
00:39:29Food.
00:39:30Food.
00:39:32You should probably take care of that.
00:39:35I should, you?
00:39:36A good nurse will probably stay and help me take care of that.
00:39:39You suck.
00:39:46Hey, Lex.
00:39:51Blake.
00:39:54Hey, uh, please tell me you got food for me, too.
00:39:57I did.
00:39:58I got your favorite, I think.
00:40:00Chow mein with pork, right?
00:40:02Is that it?
00:40:06I got you soup.
00:40:16Oh, sorry.
00:40:18Is it hot?
00:40:18Yeah, it's freakishly hot.
00:40:19Sorry, I just picked it up.
00:40:21You know what?
00:40:26Can you blow?
00:40:28You want me to blow in your soup?
00:40:30Are you 12?
00:40:31Mm, shit, it's really hot.
00:40:38You blow well.
00:40:40Well, coming from you, I'll take that as the highest of compliments.
00:40:46So what are we watching?
00:41:05What's up, sweet cheeks?
00:41:15How was it?
00:41:18Do you ever think that, that maybe what she thought you wanted isn't actually what you want anymore?
00:41:27You mean like you spend your entire life in pursuit of one goal, then all of a sudden it changes?
00:41:33Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.
00:41:37Well, that's life, Blake.
00:41:39Is it?
00:41:39That just doesn't that feel so wishy-washy to go from one thing to another?
00:41:47Well, that's all part of college, discovering yourself and realizing, hey, maybe you're wearing flip-flops from 1992.
00:41:54Isn't this cool as I thought?
00:41:55Oh, they're not mine, you jerk.
00:41:57Oh, really?
00:41:57So you just stole someone's flip-flops and decided, hey, let's bring these back?
00:42:00No.
00:42:01They were my brothers.
00:42:04And after he died, I...
00:42:07I don't know, I just wanted to be close to him.
00:42:11So you raided his closet?
00:42:13Well, everything smelled like camoans.
00:42:15It was comforting.
00:42:16Until you had to wash it?
00:42:18Until my dad forced me to wash them, yes.
00:42:21Well, it's only been two years.
00:42:23I still miss him.
00:42:27How did he die?
00:42:29Car accident.
00:42:32Drunk driver.
00:42:36It's weird, it used to...
00:42:38It used to piss me off so bad talking about it, but...
00:42:42For some reason, when I started wearing his clothes, it's like...
00:42:47I don't know, it almost feels like invisible armor.
00:42:57Well, I hate to break it to you, but these flip-flops...
00:43:01Hmm?
00:43:02Or anything but invisible.
00:43:03Shut up!
00:43:08Did you just lick me?
00:43:10Yeah.
00:43:11First rule of kindergarten.
00:43:12No.
00:43:12Did you miss that, guys?
00:43:13I must have missed it.
00:43:14You must have.
00:43:15It's right up there with fire safety, so it's a little important.
00:43:18Hmm.
00:43:23Wow, okay.
00:43:24What?
00:43:25Well, I told you never to play the player.
00:43:27Hey, I'm just following your rules.
00:43:29That's all.
00:43:31Sometimes I hate my rules.
00:43:34Me too.
00:43:35I don't know.
00:43:36I don't know.
00:43:47I don't know.
00:43:49I don't know.
00:43:53I don't know.
00:43:54I don't know.
00:43:55I don't know.
00:43:56I don't know.
00:43:56I don't know.
00:43:56I don't know.
00:43:57I don't know.
00:43:57I don't know.
00:43:58I don't know.
00:43:59I don't know.
00:44:02I don't know.
00:44:07whoa whoa uh we're training man we're training you know we're setting up for a date for her and
00:44:14you know david he's moving through the steps so fast you know i figured he's gonna do something
00:44:20i think i got it thank you ian wait wait look i i'm sorry look i i'm sorry i got
00:44:28carried away
00:44:28i'll help you with david and then hopefully we can be friends friends it's funny how words that
00:44:37are supposed to make people happy kind of make you want to punch a tree like chuck norris yeah
00:44:46friends friends it is
00:45:09you know this isn't a sting right you can take your sunglasses off
00:45:12plus we're uh we're indoors you look ridiculous hey you said no eye contact and
00:45:20it happens to be very difficult for me so sunglasses dude just look at his crotch he'll eat that shit
00:45:27up i'm not looking no no do you have any other pointers that don't involve me staring at his
00:45:35groin i think you can do better than that miss nursing major nope not doing it penis
00:45:43shut up look if you can't even say it should you really be playing with it i mean
00:45:48oh hell no come here eventually you're gonna have to get past the point of being afraid of your own
00:45:54sexuality someone tells me that david's not super great in bed so you're gonna have to get a little
00:46:00bit of confidence so you can tell him what you want and what makes you think that i mean
00:46:06i'm a virgin so i'm gonna suck impossible believe me david on the other hand last girlfriend we
00:46:14interviewed said that although he deserved an a for effort on multiple occasions she studied for
00:46:18a test during during sex that's so impersonal i mean shouldn't you be putting your your whole mind
00:46:28into it your body your soul
00:46:35we're getting off track the point is that uh you're probably gonna have to give him some direction
00:46:39and you're gonna have to say words like penis okay the end fine penis louder penis
00:46:51hey man didn't see you there hey how's it going
00:46:57i thought y'all were more casual uh no we uh made it official last night right sweet cheeks
00:47:10sorry yeah it's just it was a really great night yeah a great night
00:47:17good happy for you blake really happy for you yeah we should uh we should get out of here
00:47:35what are you laughing david just gave me the finger
00:47:39really that's kind of rude why would you do that because his hands were free and mine weren't
00:47:59nice i like good because i haven't worn them in forever
00:48:07guys you're just gonna stand there and ice cream
00:48:09and park them to get the snack be there in a sec
00:48:22all right i am perfect
00:48:35found bird game boy did uh you just call me boy i did you do know i played pro football
00:48:41i don't
00:48:41want to have to do this no i'm pretty much good at every sport
00:48:48except for golf
00:48:51really pretty sure we established that uh ice skating is not a sport
00:48:55you are serving let me just get comfortable real quick
00:49:00oh it's like that is it sure is
00:49:04you can play that game
00:49:12let's go let's go yeah i'm ready let's go are you ready
00:49:17oh my money's on blake
00:49:19do you know he was nominated for a heisman right is that a hard thing to get
00:49:35that's my girl that's my girl
00:49:54what happened what happened are you okay yeah yeah
00:49:58you need yeah come on lex let's go grab an ice pack
00:50:06i'm fine come on here put weight on me
00:50:12are you okay yeah i'm fine i'm just uh old injury prop it up
00:50:24oh it's starting to swell what happened to your knee can you keep a secret yes
00:50:30well
00:50:34i'm superman yeah i just i injured it saving two old ladies and their cats
00:50:40he really is a hero that poor little boy would have died can you imagine what that would have
00:50:44done to that father after losing his wife he's amazing and don't sell yourself short okay enough
00:50:49gaps you get it thank you
00:50:54put this on it thanks look don't listen to her i'm no hero here i am being bitter that i
00:51:02can't play
00:51:02football and this kid could have died well you sort of did too i mean in a way you lost
00:51:10part of what
00:51:10need you you you know i got past it you know okay i want you to think i'm one of
00:51:18those broken guys
00:51:18living in the old glory days of football how'd you get over it it was the kid he um he
00:51:28came and
00:51:28visited me in the hospital and i actually used to call him by his last name montgomery or little
00:51:32monty because this kid was tiny and apparently he's still afraid of the dark so he brought me this
00:51:38bear smartly named bear and um his mom unfortunately passed away earlier that year from cancer and
00:51:48she gave him that bear it was supposed to be like his protection bear to make him feel safe and
00:51:55he gave it to me said he didn't need it anymore because he had me
00:52:03that bear lives the high life of my room i'll tell you that
00:52:07what about what about monty where is he now he's actually gonna be a pretty badass football player
00:52:12his dad sends me a schedule for his like practices and games and i've actually been to a few he's
00:52:17not bad
00:52:18you really are superman
00:52:22well it's one person yeah or two
00:52:30guys you up for a movie yeah we'll be right there
00:52:43you guys no just not happening shower or no couch time
00:52:48sure we'll go shower oh not together
00:52:51we'll be right there
00:53:07what
00:53:08What?
00:53:08What do you mean?
00:53:24Hey, is Blake here?
00:53:26Hey, Blake?
00:53:29David's here to see you.
00:53:37What are you waiting for?
00:54:25You ruined me for other women, Gio.
00:54:29Good.
00:54:42I'm going to go make some popcorn.
00:54:44What do you need?
00:54:46Yeah, it's just popcorn.
00:54:48I think I'll be fine.
00:54:50Sure?
00:54:51Yeah, yeah.
00:54:52I'm good.
00:54:58Blake, I'm fine.
00:54:59Go watch the movie.
00:55:00I'm fine.
00:55:01Not Blake.
00:55:05Something I can help you with?
00:55:07You know, I get it.
00:55:09She's yours.
00:55:10At least for now.
00:55:12But listen to me.
00:55:14We have a history, we have a history, and that is not something that you can compete with.
00:55:19Not now.
00:55:20Not ever.
00:55:25You smug, you smug, you smug bastard.
00:55:32Look, you don't deserve her.
00:55:35You never will.
00:55:37Oh, but you do.
00:55:39Mr. Washed up has been.
00:55:42I can't keep it in his pants.
00:55:46Well, at least I know I don't deserve her.
00:55:49At least I wake up every day knowing I'm the lucky one.
00:55:52I wasn't aware it took this much brain power to make popcorn.
00:55:56Hey, I actually gotta get going.
00:55:59But next Thursday, seven o'clock, yeah?
00:56:01Yeah.
00:56:02Don't forget.
00:56:02I won't.
00:56:03Dad's really excited to see you.
00:56:05It'll be fun.
00:56:05Cool.
00:56:07It's good to see you.
00:56:10Bye, Ian.
00:56:16Blake.
00:56:17What?
00:56:20What do you want, Ian?
00:56:27Exactly what I thought.
00:56:31You.
00:56:31That's what I should have said when she asked me what I wanted.
00:56:34Instead, I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
00:56:45I hate mornings.
00:56:48Yup.
00:56:50He's freaking out!
00:56:52Use your indoor voice.
00:56:54Lex can hear you.
00:56:56Also, he hates mornings.
00:57:00David's dad bailed.
00:57:01It's just us.
00:57:02I've never been on a date.
00:57:03Shit.
00:57:06Something wrong?
00:57:07Yeah, I gotta take Blake on this fake date so she doesn't puke all over David.
00:57:12Hmm.
00:57:16Be at the house at six.
00:57:18Have gabs.
00:57:19Help you get ready.
00:57:21She is the boss.
00:57:24Whoop.
00:57:28I hate mornings.
00:57:33Is it already.
00:57:35I think so.
00:57:37Blake, come on.
00:57:39It can't be that bad.
00:57:40Let's go.
00:57:41No, it is very bad.
00:57:49Damn.
00:57:51Is it that bad?
00:57:53Yeah, it's, uh, it's horrific.
00:57:56How could you expect to attract a man in this, um, monstrosity?
00:58:01Monstrosity, huh?
00:58:02Mm-hmm.
00:58:03Huh.
00:58:04Is that why you keep staring at it?
00:58:07I literally can't look away.
00:58:09Don't even think I could if I tried.
00:58:12Fake date, remember?
00:58:15This is a fake date, so I don't make a fool out of myself when I go out with David
00:58:18on Thursday.
00:58:19Okay, but the second we leave this house, you've got to pretend it's real.
00:58:22Well, I'll coach you, and hopefully by Thursday, we'll get news of a tragic accident that David's lost all functionality
00:58:28of his penis.
00:58:31Are you sure I look okay?
00:58:35No, Blake.
00:58:37You look phenomenal.
00:58:42If that bastard doesn't say those exact words are better, he's not deserving.
00:58:48Okay?
00:58:51Shall we?
00:58:52Yes.
00:58:59Are we having a picnic or something?
00:59:01Rule number nine, Blake.
00:59:02If a guy wants to surprise the shit out of you, don't question it.
00:59:05Just tell him how awesome he is.
00:59:08Okay, well, you are awesome, and the best fake date ever.
00:59:12Hey, you know what?
00:59:13We need to pretend like this is real, remember?
00:59:15Or what's the point?
00:59:17I don't know.
00:59:17Maybe a fun night?
00:59:19Some good food?
00:59:22I'll ride.
00:59:26We're canoeing?
00:59:27Towards the restaurant, yeah.
00:59:31Okay, I have to admit to you, that is pretty cool.
00:59:36Although I don't know how much help I'm going to be in distress.
00:59:39I won't cross my heart.
00:59:40I won't look up your skirt.
00:59:43Rule number seven?
00:59:46Men always lie.
00:59:50Yeah.
01:00:04Um...
01:00:07Hmm.
01:00:20i'm julio i'll be your server this evening can i get you started with anything yeah can we have
01:00:24two margaritas on the rocks rule number 10 only two drinks not three not four i know you can get
01:00:32nervous but after you go past two drinks you can lose your inhibition and things can get out of
01:00:37control real fast two is a safe number and uh yeah eat up because you're gonna need that for uh
01:00:43your
01:00:43cardio later cardio yeah sex with david oh i i haven't really thought about that
01:00:53it's a nice special is uh can you give us a minute please thanks
01:01:00you know what's gonna happen eventually right yeah um i don't know i don't really like thinking about
01:01:06it because well honestly it kind of makes me want to puke no it's just i'm gonna be horrible and
01:01:15then
01:01:16i'm gonna make a fool out of myself and then he's gonna hate it rule number six guys never hate
01:01:21sex
01:01:22okay if he's not getting off it's either because he mistakenly used numbing gel instead of ky or he's
01:01:27gay and you just slack the goods to get him there okay why you're standing here another minute
01:01:34yep
01:01:37if you can't even talk about having sex with david i just
01:01:41why are you even going on a date with him like i why are you even using my help i
01:01:45mean it's just
01:01:46i don't know don't you think it's moving so fast i wanted him to notice me i didn't want him
01:01:52to
01:01:52take me to bed two weeks after your little plan works well then just say no
01:02:00rules 12 13 and 14 clearly say that you can absolutely say no
01:02:10so how did you get into this how'd you start wingman
01:02:17actually it was my sister she was um at the time crushing really hard on this guy for my team
01:02:25and
01:02:25when i say hard i mean she drove her car into a mailbox when we had him over for fourth
01:02:31of july
01:02:32the sad thing is is he was into her too but she was always so shy and insecure to ever
01:02:40meet him
01:02:41halfway and i was always just too selfish to give a shit so she settled she settled for a guy
01:02:47who
01:02:48thinks that video games are like the olympics so there's two types of settling there's a type that
01:02:56is cute a match made in heaven where you look at a couple holding hands in public and you think
01:03:02is that girl legally blind and then there's the other type of settling which is the insecure type
01:03:09where a girl never reaches her full potential and settles for someone you know less than she's worth
01:03:18my sister deserved better and if she had just an ounce of confidence that would have changed her
01:03:25life hell if she even had one rule for my playbook it would have changed her life
01:03:31well then to the playbook to the playbook
01:03:42okay the final rule you're feeling like the date's going good and you want to continue
01:03:48it's up to you to invite them in okay
01:03:56ian yeah do you want to come in
01:04:02well it depends on what do you have refreshments you can't just invite someone in expecting something
01:04:10to happen you have to have coffee drink late night movie it's kind of an unwritten rule
01:04:20all of the above how's that i accept
01:04:51screw david you're mine
01:05:00uh
01:05:06uh
01:05:07uh
01:05:07uh
01:05:08uh
01:05:08uh
01:05:08uh
01:05:08Oh, my God.
01:05:41Oh, my God.
01:06:08Oh, my God.
01:07:03Oh, my God.
01:07:08Oh, my God.
01:07:33Oh, my God.
01:08:05Oh, my God.
01:08:15He was freaking out that you missed your normal meeting at the bench, so.
01:08:19Shit.
01:08:20Yeah.
01:08:21I didn't mean to sleep in.
01:08:22I know.
01:08:23You looked exhausted, though, and I didn't want to wake you up.
01:08:26I was exhausted, but I was exhausted, sweet cheeks, but the best type of way, the type where you probably
01:08:30should take a week off of school.
01:08:32Mm-hmm.
01:08:33Me, too.
01:08:33Think of the possibilities.
01:08:35This could change your life.
01:08:37Well, maybe it already has.
01:08:39I could get really addicted to you.
01:08:40I could get really addicted to you, so, you know, I'm not in the kitchen, you guys.
01:08:43I will seriously grab the pillow from upstairs.
01:08:46Now, break apart.
01:08:48For once, I am not cooking, so I want to sit and enjoy my coffee without watching real-life porn.
01:08:56Yeah.
01:09:03So, who got laid last night?
01:09:05Hmm.
01:09:09You know you can't hook up with clients.
01:09:12Yeah.
01:09:13That contract got terminated the second she screamed my name.
01:09:16Okay.
01:09:17So, no David?
01:09:18Yes?
01:09:18No.
01:09:20Did you say yeah?
01:09:21What?
01:09:22He's still a friend, and I'm still going to go to dinner with him.
01:09:27I'm a friend, and we screwed, what, four times last night?
01:09:30I'm sorry, was that all it was to you?
01:09:32No, hell no.
01:09:34It is more reason why I don't think you should be going on a date with douche pants.
01:09:40Look, it's fine, okay?
01:09:42I promise you, it is fine.
01:09:45Okay.
01:09:46No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:09:47Put me down.
01:09:48Put me down.
01:09:49We'll be back.
01:09:50Put me down.
01:09:50I want a pancake.
01:09:52No pancakes for you.
01:09:53I'm hungry.
01:09:54They're going to get cold.
01:09:59You're going to read your compatibility report with Blake.
01:10:01I haven't decided yet.
01:10:05What are you doing at home?
01:10:06I live here.
01:10:08Unless you're kicking me out, which you may do after reading the report.
01:10:13It's that bad.
01:10:18Stats show that if client A, Blake, were to embark on a relationship with client B, Ian,
01:10:23there is a 50% chance that one or both hearts will be broken and the relationship will end
01:10:28within two months once the honeymoon stage is done.
01:10:33Okay.
01:10:33Hmm.
01:10:34David's file.
01:10:36It's gone.
01:10:38Report shows that if client A were to embark on a relationship with client C, there is
01:10:42an 87% chance that the relationship will be a success and it will bloom.
01:10:49Blake and David.
01:10:56Not on my watch.
01:11:00All right.
01:11:00You know what?
01:11:01What?
01:11:01I think you should fake the flu tonight.
01:11:04Ian, look at me.
01:11:06Look at me.
01:11:07I can't.
01:11:07It just reminds me that tonight he's going to be looking at you and every time I think
01:11:11about him in the same damn room, I want to cut his damn shooting hand off and bury
01:11:15it in Gab's yard.
01:11:16Okay.
01:11:17Listen.
01:11:18The sooner I can get tonight's dinner over with and tell him how happy I am with you,
01:11:24the sooner we can just put this whole David thing behind us.
01:11:27Okay.
01:11:29Just go.
01:11:30I'm not going to be the crazy ass boyfriend who's jealous and drives you to your date.
01:11:35So just go.
01:11:36All right.
01:11:37I'll see you tonight.
01:11:38I'll come by your place after.
01:11:40Okay.
01:11:41You know, don't let him touch you.
01:11:44Okay?
01:11:44Not even on your back.
01:11:45So if he's touching your back, it means he's thinking about touching your ass.
01:11:48All right?
01:11:48Mm-hmm.
01:11:50I promise.
01:11:52Okay.
01:11:53Trust me.
01:11:55Yeah.
01:11:57Go get him.
01:12:01Hey, tell me the truth.
01:12:02Did you make that compatibility report for me and Blake because you knew that eventually
01:12:06I'd jump into commitment land?
01:12:10I input your information the moment I saw things start to change between you and Blake.
01:12:16Hell, the minute I noticed the linger.
01:12:20Come again?
01:12:21The linger.
01:12:22You lingered.
01:12:24You leaned.
01:12:26Every muscle in your body tensed when she walked into the room.
01:12:29I've never seen you linger like that.
01:12:36Shit.
01:12:36I'm a 50.
01:12:37David's an 87.
01:12:38And he's with her right now.
01:12:42I'll drive.
01:12:46She's facing him.
01:12:48She's not sitting across from, but to the side.
01:12:56Bastard may have skills after all.
01:12:58You want to see?
01:12:59No.
01:13:00That's the last thing I want to see is how close he's sitting to her.
01:13:03Or if he's strategically dropping his napkin so we can inch his chair closer.
01:13:15It's scary how well you know the male gender.
01:13:17Dinner is over.
01:13:18Ordering dessert, then I'll be home.
01:13:20Don't worry.
01:13:22We should go.
01:13:23Hey, hey, we should go.
01:13:38Hope you enjoyed your dessert.
01:13:41Get me drunk.
01:13:45How's it feel?
01:13:48Oh, you mean getting my heart broken?
01:13:50Gee, I don't know, Lex.
01:13:53It kind of tickles.
01:13:54I'm getting a feather stuck in my ass.
01:13:58I mean, being on the other side?
01:14:00You know, the one who gets rejected?
01:14:04He's a better fit.
01:14:06The numbers don't lie.
01:14:08The numbers, right.
01:14:10Yeah.
01:14:12Well, look.
01:14:13The numbers don't take into account chemistry.
01:14:16I mean, computers can't do that.
01:14:18Look, we're still technically under contract with Blake per our agreement.
01:14:23So, as long as she's gone on her date with David and kissed him, the contract's technically done.
01:14:30So, terminate the contract, collect payment, and delete her information.
01:14:38Think about this.
01:14:40By ignoring her, you run the risk that...
01:14:42That what?
01:14:44That I lose her forever?
01:14:47She's already gone.
01:14:51She made her decision.
01:14:54She kissed him.
01:14:59I'm gonna get that.
01:15:03Hey, uh, is Ian here?
01:15:05I need to talk to you.
01:15:06Blake, you should go.
01:15:07No, I'm not leaving until I talk to him.
01:15:09Lex, he doesn't understand what he saw, and I just need to explain.
01:15:13Fine.
01:15:14Explain it to me.
01:15:14Why the hell was some other guy kissing you?
01:15:16I'd much rather talk to Ian about that.
01:15:18Tough shit.
01:15:19You got me.
01:15:20Okay, he kissed me, Lex.
01:15:22And you kissed him back.
01:15:24Am I missing some important detail here where you pushed him away, you need him in the balls?
01:15:28I...
01:15:28I did push him away.
01:15:30You hesitated.
01:15:31Hey, you must be proud of yourself.
01:15:34The first girl to take down Ian, Hunter, you just toss him aside the second your childhood crush looks your
01:15:38way.
01:15:39David and I are just friends.
01:15:41That's it.
01:15:41And you and Ian are what?
01:15:42You kissed another dude.
01:15:44Whatever you and Ian had is over.
01:15:46Expect the contract termination in the morning.
01:15:48And honestly, I think you're a bitch.
01:16:00Mmm.
01:16:07You hear that?
01:16:09Kind of hard not to.
01:16:11I didn't mean to call her a bitch.
01:16:13I was just kind of caught in the moment.
01:16:14Hey, hey, hey.
01:16:15If she cares about you, she's going to be back.
01:16:20Three.
01:16:22Two.
01:16:25One.
01:16:36No, don't talk for two seconds so I can speak.
01:16:39Tell Ian that I need to talk to him and I'm not going to stop calling him until he hears
01:16:42me out.
01:16:45I love him.
01:16:49I love him.
01:16:52Good answer.
01:16:54We'll be in touch.
01:17:03Two more.
01:17:04Two more.
01:17:13Come on.
01:17:15Come on.
01:17:15Come on.
01:17:17Can I talk to you?
01:17:22Did you get my email?
01:17:24We're done.
01:17:25No, we're not.
01:17:27Ian, I love you.
01:17:29I love you so much and I'm so sorry about the kiss.
01:17:32But it, I was confused and it had nothing to do with you.
01:17:37Yeah, no shit.
01:17:39Look, you did us both a favor.
01:17:40Our projected success rate wasn't even close to being good.
01:17:43You should probably go be with who you wanted all along.
01:17:47You know all of that's changed.
01:17:49It was the sex.
01:17:51Chemical reaction occurs that emotionally bonds you with someone when you have sex with them.
01:17:55Give it a few days, it'll wear off.
01:17:58So will I.
01:17:59Oh, Ian, I'm telling you that I love you and you're just, you're going to push me away.
01:18:04Don't do that.
01:18:06Don't, Ian.
01:18:07Don't you care about me?
01:18:08Like, even a tiny bit?
01:18:15Your boyfriend's waiting.
01:18:17No, my boyfriend is standing right in front of me.
01:18:19Not anymore.
01:18:23Ian.
01:18:24Be happy, okay?
01:18:25Hey, Ian.
01:18:26Good to see you, buddy.
01:18:28How are you?
01:18:31I'm out of here.
01:18:33And David, treat her right.
01:18:35Oh, I certainly will.
01:18:35Just like I did last night.
01:18:37What?
01:18:38Ian, Ian, stop it.
01:18:39Disrespect I got again and I'll kill you.
01:18:41Dude, it was a joke.
01:18:43I'm kidding.
01:18:44And you have said the same stuff.
01:18:46You said the same...
01:18:47Babe!
01:18:53Ian.
01:18:54Ian, wait.
01:18:55Please let me talk.
01:18:56Wait, please.
01:18:59Look, I only kissed David to make sure of my feelings and it felt wrong and horrible and
01:19:05it just confirmed to me that I love you.
01:19:08That before or after you screwed him.
01:19:11Are you kidding me?
01:19:13How does it go from kissing to sex?
01:19:16I basically walked you through the steps, Blake.
01:19:23Are we done?
01:19:26So done.
01:19:49I know what you're thinking.
01:19:50I played this all wrong.
01:19:53I should call her.
01:19:55No.
01:19:56She kissed David.
01:19:59He's the right fit for her.
01:20:01I won't call her.
01:20:02But I miss her.
01:20:06I miss you.
01:20:12I miss you.
01:20:27Sometimes a smiley face just means I'm happy.
01:20:30But that means she was happy for me to go to hell or just...
01:20:34happy.
01:20:36Get up.
01:20:38Stop moping around.
01:20:39Look, I love you like a brother.
01:20:40This compatibility report is ruining your life.
01:20:44Says I'd break her heart in two months.
01:20:46And David, on the other hand, she'd be in total bliss.
01:20:50Yeah, well, I may have tweaked the numbers a bit.
01:20:56Lex, what did you do?
01:20:57What I had to.
01:20:59Do you remember when we first started Wingman?
01:21:00The oath we both took.
01:21:07Never fall in love.
01:21:09And what on that same drunken evening?
01:21:11What did you make me swear to you?
01:21:14That you won't let me.
01:21:16Mm-hmm.
01:21:17And why is that?
01:21:21Because I'm sick of losing shit.
01:21:24Yeah.
01:21:27Man, you're supposed to have my back.
01:21:32So I did.
01:21:34I changed the numbers, man.
01:21:35Just a little.
01:21:36But enough for you to bail.
01:21:38Don't you get it?
01:21:39It doesn't matter.
01:21:40The numbers can be manipulated, but the heart can.
01:21:46Damn poet.
01:21:48So you get so much ass.
01:21:52I know where David's partying tonight.
01:21:55And word on the street is, he's at it alone while Gab sings out with Blake.
01:22:00Care for a drink?
01:22:01What?
01:22:02Yeah, I wish, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.
01:22:04Oh, look, a butterfly.
01:22:05Let's hug a tree.
01:22:06It's actually as bad as I wish he was.
01:22:09Oh, if that were the case, yeah.
01:22:10But it's not.
01:22:12Remember one of the most important stats?
01:22:15Guys typically mess up within two weeks of a new relationship.
01:22:18And why is that?
01:22:20God complex.
01:22:21God complex.
01:22:23Translation?
01:22:24I stole a sexy piece of ass from Ian Hunter so I can get any chick that I want.
01:22:29So come hither, my pretties, while I show you what a real man can do.
01:22:33You silver-tongued devil.
01:22:35Get your shit together.
01:22:36You leave in 15.
01:23:04I'm downtown and I need a ride.
01:23:06Is it normal to see Pinocchio after doing shrooms?
01:23:13I'll be right there.
01:23:15And just like that, I'm back in the game.
01:23:26You don't look high as a kite.
01:23:28Did you want to go get a drink?
01:23:29No, I don't want to get a drink.
01:23:31You do realize the last time I saw you, you almost killed David and somehow simultaneously broke my heart
01:23:36in the process and now you're just going to call me drunk and ask-
01:23:40I'm not drunk, okay?
01:23:43I have a confession to make.
01:23:44And I know it's not particularly romantic, but I love you.
01:23:51Did you really just throw out an I love you while high?
01:23:57Well, I lied about being high.
01:23:59And yeah, I did because it's true.
01:24:04I've fallen ass over heels in love with you.
01:24:08I desperately want you.
01:24:10I desperately want you.
01:24:11I, you know, I, I need you.
01:24:12I, I fucking crave you.
01:24:14I was scared.
01:24:16You're scared?
01:24:17Yeah.
01:24:18Ian Hunter is scared.
01:24:20I'm scared that you'd be settling for me when David is the one you wanted all along.
01:24:24You know that I would be settling with him.
01:24:27Ian, I wouldn't be settling with you.
01:24:30You know that.
01:24:36I promise you this.
01:24:38It will only ever be you, Blake.
01:24:42You're the only person I want to wake up with.
01:24:44The only person I want to spend my nights with.
01:24:46I, I love you.
01:24:52I love you.
01:24:56Just kiss him already.
01:24:57Yeah.
01:25:08So this is the part of the story where we cheer to new beginnings and lots of happy endings.
01:25:12And while I pride myself for the success of Wingman Inc., I've learned firsthand that sometimes...
01:25:18I'm talking in voiceover again.
01:25:20Sure was, sweet cheeks.
01:25:21Do you, um, do you mind?
01:25:25As I was saying, sometimes you just need to forget all the rules and just follow your heart.
01:25:30Oh, that's too bad.
01:25:33You know, I was really hoping we could do rule number 18 again.
01:25:41Alright, let's go.
01:25:43Ian!
01:25:48Did Ian talk to you?
01:25:50He talks to me every day.
01:25:52You need to be more specific.
01:25:53Now that he's with Blake, he wants to limit his wingman work and said I could work with you guys.
01:25:59Not a chance to know.
01:26:01Oh.
01:26:02There's a chance.
01:26:07Yeah, a chance she'll poison my lucky charms and we'll kill each other.
01:26:13Got it!
01:26:22If you were an ocean, I'd dive in and grab some sand.
01:26:28Come up for a deep breath.
01:26:29Hold it and take your wave again.
01:26:33If you were a jazz song, I'd scout along.
01:26:36To be a part of your song.
01:26:39Play on that with you.
01:26:41And we'd be in the groove.
01:26:43Every time I see her, I just freeze.
01:26:46Quietly, my world turns upside down.
01:26:49I'm falling in and I can barely breathe.
01:26:51I don't know what to do when you're around.
01:26:54Just want to get close to you.
01:26:56And I would know what to do.
01:26:59Just want to get close to you.
01:27:02And I would know what to do.
01:27:04If you were a swoon shot, though risky, I'd drink you down.
01:27:10Sip you so slowly, then have another round.
01:27:15If you were a slow dance, I'd learn you.
01:27:18If you and turn you master every move, then I'd be next to you.
01:27:25Every time I see her, I just freeze.
01:27:28Quietly, my world turns upside down.
01:27:31I'm falling in and I can barely breathe.
01:27:33I don't know what to do when you're around.
01:27:36Just want to get close to you.
01:27:39And I would know what to do.
01:27:41Just want to get close to you.
01:27:44And I would know what to do.
01:27:47Would you love me?
01:27:48High above me.
01:27:50Everything I'm looking for, think about you more and more.
01:27:53Would you love me, would you love me?
01:27:55How can I know I can't be sure?
01:27:57Every time I see her, I just freeze.
01:28:00Quietly, my world turns upside down.
01:28:03I'm falling in and I can barely breathe.
01:28:05I don't know what to do when you're around.
01:28:08Just want to get close to you.
01:28:10And I don't know what to do.
01:28:13Just want to get close to you.
01:28:16Just want to get close to you.
01:28:18Just want to get close to you.
01:28:20And I don't know what to do.
01:28:23Just want to get close to you.
01:28:26Just want to get close to you.
01:28:29Just want to get close to you.
01:28:30Just want to get close to you.
01:28:35Just want to get close to you.
01:28:44Just want to get close to you.
01:28:45Just want to get close to you.
01:28:45Just want to get close to you.
01:28:46Just want to get close to you.
01:28:46Just want to get close to you.
01:28:47Just want to get close to you.
01:28:48Just want to get close to you.
01:28:49Just want to get close to you.
01:28:51Just want to get close to you.
01:28:51Just want to get close to you.
01:28:53Just want to get close to you.
01:28:53Just want to get close to you.
01:28:55Just want to get close to you.
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