- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hey, birthday girl. My brother said you missed your date with him last night. What happened?
00:12Oh, my God. Who the fuck did I marry?
00:42Get in, get in, get in, get in, get in, get in the car. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I miss you.
00:53Okay, seatbelt. Buckle up. Buckle up.
00:58You have a lot of explaining to do.
01:02Your new car smells really good, by the way.
01:04I am so familiar.
01:06Ugh, it's my older brother's car. Mine is in the shop.
01:09I didn't realize you hadn't had a brother.
01:11Wish I didn't.
01:13But let's talk about how you blew off my other brother, Pierce.
01:22Seriously, Elle, what happened?
01:24How am I supposed to tell her that I got married in Vegas last night to someone I don't even know?
01:32Are you just totally freaking out because all of our friends are married, Elle?
01:36You are going to die alone if you don't put yourself out there.
01:38Gennady has no idea just how much I ate my film out there last night.
01:45I'm staging an intervention.
01:46Ah!
01:47Elle, you are behind on your rent.
01:49You are always begging your clients to pay you on time.
01:51I am not going to let you struggle.
01:53You are my...
01:54Hey, look at me.
01:55Look at me.
01:55You are my best friend.
01:57Got it?
01:58Yeah.
01:58Besides, the guest house is empty ever since Pierce moved out.
02:02Uh, it is very modest, though.
02:04Sorry in advance.
02:07Oh, here we are.
02:08I love you.
02:09Oh, windows.
02:10Windows.
02:10Windows.
02:10Windows.
02:10This is modest.
02:25Oh.
02:27You should see the Aspen house.
02:32Here are my brother's keys.
02:36Uh, looks like you got company, sir.
02:38Go around the block, Sven.
02:46Go.
02:46Now.
02:53Who's that?
02:54That is Pierce's manager.
02:55And an emotionless psycho.
02:58Oh, shh.
02:58You want to avoid him like the plague.
03:01Plague.
03:02God, why do you even need to marry Rich?
03:04This is where you grew up.
03:05Yes, but now I can spend Floyd's money and not my mom's.
03:09And that is my contribution to feminism.
03:11Ooh.
03:12Floyd.
03:14Shall we?
03:15Yeah, sure.
03:16Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:17Let's go.
03:17Let's go.
03:19Here it is.
03:20The guest house.
03:24Welcome home, Elle.
03:26I love it.
03:28I just want the best for you.
03:34No one should feel alone.
03:36Especially not at your age.
03:39The love of your life is on his way.
03:41I can feel it.
03:43Come to Pierce's show tonight, and then we can reschedule your date.
03:47I know, girl, I'm speechless, too.
03:51No, I can't actually go on a date with your brother.
03:56Why not?
03:59Because I'm married.
04:08Because I'm married.
04:10What?
04:11Ah!
04:11What do you mean who?
04:13What?
04:13Where?
04:14Who?
04:15Who is he?
04:15Is that him?
04:18Is that him?
04:18Show me.
04:19Show me.
04:19Show me.
04:19Please, Elle.
04:21Who?
04:21Lee?
04:24Shit.
04:27Is he a 15 carats boutique?
04:29You know that police's starting price is like $50,000?
04:32$50,000?
04:34Oh, no.
04:34I can't.
04:35I have to tell him to get something less expensive, to get something smaller.
04:38I'm sorry.
04:39Wait.
04:39Are you serious?
04:40You're actually considering staying with this guy?
04:42He is clearly sending me photos of rings to log bomb you.
04:45I'll handle this.
04:46I'll handle this.
04:46I'll handle this.
04:47I'll handle this.
04:47I'll handle this.
04:47I'll handle this.
04:48I'll handle this.
04:48Yes, I want the biggest rock they have.
04:51That is right, Mr. C.
04:52The biggest.
04:53And spare no expense.
04:57Do not send that.
04:59Do not.
04:59Do not.
05:02Yes!
05:03Oh, my God.
05:04Too late.
05:05If this guy is going to twirl you around his finger like some idiot bimbo phone, he has
05:11no idea who he is dealing with.
05:13You better just hope he's not with the cartel.
05:18And spare no expense.
05:21Why would they be together?
05:24Is that the lucky lady?
05:26No.
05:27Definitely not.
05:28Oh, well, how lucky is she that she gets a friend with such great taste.
05:33Yeah, how nice.
05:35Is everything okay, sir?
05:37You idiot.
05:38Out of all people, you married Kennedy's best friend.
05:47Take this one.
05:49What would you like the cart to say?
05:532L from Mr. C.
05:56Okay, well, I am going to go get a facial, and you can help yourself to some Thai food.
06:05It's in the main house, back entrance.
06:07Door's always open.
06:08I don't know how you like that.
06:09Peanut sauce, girl.
06:11Okay, I love you.
06:12Love you.
06:12Oh, I need a nap.
06:19Renovations on your new house still ongoing, sir?
06:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:22So go to the Mulholland house for now.
06:23As long as Kennedy isn't there.
06:25The maid says she left 10 minutes ago.
06:26Okay, good.
06:27Go.
06:27Go.
06:27Go.
06:27I can't believe I'm married.
06:45And who knows if I'll ever even see him again.
06:47Yeah.
06:48Yeah.
06:48Yeah.
06:49Yeah.
06:49Yeah.
06:50Yeah.
06:50Yeah.
06:51Yeah.
06:51Yeah.
06:51Yeah.
06:52Yeah.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:57Hi, Katie.
07:03Hi, sir.
07:04Okay, I have to schedule a really important dinner.
07:06This gift is for her.
07:08Do you think you can look after her while I make some phone calls?
07:11You never have someone special.
07:13Of course.
07:14I'll put it right here until you're ready.
07:16Bye, me.
07:35Oh, thank you.
07:39How did I know where I am?
07:49Call the cops.
07:51Call the cops.
07:53Hi.
07:53911.
07:54What's your emergency?
07:55Could you send an officer to 1900 Mulholland Drive, please?
07:59I have a stalker, and I have reason to believe that they set foot on the premises.
08:06Please hurry, quick, quick.
08:08Okay.
08:09Okay, quick, let's just calm down.
08:14Who?
08:16Who called the cops?
08:19You're fine.
08:20You're fine.
08:21You're fine.
08:22You're fine.
08:22You're fine.
08:23You're fine.
08:23Whoa.
08:24What are you doing here?
08:30Oh, my God.
08:30It is you.
08:36Oh, my God.
08:37It is you.
08:38Oh, my God.
08:39Oh, my God.
08:40Stay in there.
08:41What?
08:41What are you doing?
08:43Calm down.
08:43Put down the lamp.
08:44You followed me here from Vegas.
08:47You're a creep.
08:48I didn't follow you.
08:49Oh, dude, I live here.
08:50No, you don't.
08:51This is Kennedy's family home.
08:53Okay, then what are you doing?
08:54I'm staying in the guest house.
08:56Don't dare you to tell me this is not Kennedy's family home.
08:58It is.
08:59It is.
08:59It is.
09:00I am her brother's manager.
09:05You.
09:06That is Pierce's manager.
09:08And an emotionless psycho.
09:10Okay.
09:12You manage Pierce Jamblin, the musician?
09:15Yes.
09:16For like four or five years now, give or take.
09:19Okay.
09:19I'm staying here while my house is being renovated.
09:26So you're not a stalker?
09:29No.
09:29Yeah, good.
09:32Disarm your lamp.
09:33I'm disarming.
09:36Okay.
09:36Can we rewind here a little bit?
09:39So, okay.
09:40We're both living here.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Yep.
09:45Yep.
09:46And I clearly made a mistake.
09:49So I'm going to...
09:52LVD.
09:54Hello?
09:54Hello?
09:54Hello?
09:55Hello?
09:59I'm coming, officer.
10:14Just kidding.
10:18Good afternoon, officer.
10:19You received a call about an intruder on the premises.
10:22Are you the one who called it in?
10:24Yeah.
10:25Yeah.
10:26That's a funny story, actually.
10:27But this is a huge misunderstanding, so we are actually fine.
10:31And thank you so much for stopping by.
10:33Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:34Hang on there, little lady.
10:37I have a couple questions about this mystery stalker of yours.
10:40Do you happen to know his name?
10:44I don't even know my husband's real name.
10:51Is someone who resides here?
10:53It was an honest mistake.
10:56Thank you for coming so quickly, though.
10:58I never mind coming to this house.
11:00It's a pleasure to see you again.
11:01No, no, no, no.
11:02Officer Powell, how is your wife?
11:04By the way, she's still playing tennis over at Brookside?
11:06Oh, you bet she is.
11:07I keep telling her, Maureen, you're only studying all this money on instructions and one-on-one
11:12wall.
11:12Yeah.
11:13Cool, cool, cool.
11:14Hey, so thank you for coming out, by the way.
11:16I appreciate it.
11:17Absolutely.
11:17Say hi to your brother for me.
11:18I will.
11:19Cool.
11:20Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
11:21Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
11:52Why are you laughing?
11:57Nothing.
11:58Nothing, because you live here, and I live here, and we got married last night.
12:06is this like are you having like a mental breakdown
12:13my life is this is such a shit show all of my friends all of them they all they took years
12:21to pick their perfect partner and here i am married to a guy that i met yesterday in vegas
12:30on a limb who who insists that i call him mr c like he's like a sort of james bond villain
12:41or something that's just not where i thought my life would be
12:45okay stop stop stop stop just breathe breathe okay
13:00mr c whatever your name is we need to get a divorce
13:12we need to get a divorce clearly i don't know what i was doing my friends they're all getting
13:24married now having kids and i'm not and that's fine but i don't know what i was thinking
13:28i do i know a part of you felt the same thing i did
13:31okay so i know that i got a couple drinks tonight
13:37uh-huh
13:37just a couple and just a few but it's not for me
13:40okay so i know though for a fact that you are the one for me
13:48oh yeah how do you do for a fact
13:50because you make me feel safe
13:57so so here's what we're gonna do i am gonna go pack my things i'm gonna pack my things and then i'm gonna get a lawyer and then he's gonna
14:14Okay, oh my god, can you just let me talk for two minutes?
14:16No, I don't want to, because I want to get this taking care of my own.
14:19I think we're what?
14:20What are you doing?
14:21You don't stop talking.
14:22Stop, let me go!
14:24Stop, let me go!
14:25Oh my god!
14:31Are you seriously trying to seduce me at a time like this?
14:35If I was trying to seduce you, you would know.
14:40Come here.
14:44All right, what am I looking at?
14:47Okay, five years ago, there was nothing.
14:50Just dirt.
14:53Basements dug into the side of the hill.
14:55Nothing but exposed rhubarb and trenches.
15:00So am I the dirt or the rebar in this metaphor?
15:04Neither.
15:06My point is that sometimes things take time and the right circumstances.
15:11But something that you thought was nothing can turn out to be really great.
15:17Look, Al, I'm a rational man.
15:21The fact that you and I are living here in L.A. where there's like 10 million people.
15:28I mean, that doesn't just happen.
15:29The odds of that are crazy.
15:30Yeah, they are.
15:33But so is marrying someone you've known for three hours.
15:39How am I supposed to tell my friends that?
15:43Maybe you don't have to.
15:46Okay.
15:49What do you suppose it is?
15:5030 days.
15:52We give it a shot.
15:54Okay, we don't tell anybody.
15:56And if it doesn't work, we just go our separate ways.
16:01What do you say?
16:02All of our friends are married, Elle.
16:24You are going to die alone if you don't put yourself out there.
16:2730 days.
16:34And if it doesn't work, we go our separate ways.
16:37And neither of us say anything to anyone.
16:41Got it?
16:42I accept your terms.
16:45But I have terms of my own.
16:52Okay.
16:53Term number one.
16:54We sleep in the same bed.
16:55Not to start, no.
16:58That is not a weird ask.
16:59Most married couples sleep in the same bed.
17:01We're not in the medieval.
17:03Guys, I'm sorry.
17:04Do you color code your sock drawer?
17:07Yeah.
17:08Do you not?
17:09Weird.
17:10Okay.
17:10No.
17:11Term number two.
17:12One night a week.
17:15Okay.
17:17Starting tomorrow, I see.
17:197 a.m., okay?
17:21You're buying.
17:23Term number three.
17:24Hmm.
17:25If we're going to give this a real shot, we should be into it.
17:28Excuse me?
17:29How else are we going to know if we're compatible?
17:32Wow.
17:33Have any of your exes told you that you're super controlling?
17:36No.
17:36I've never had one.
17:37Ah!
17:37Ah!
17:38Ah!
17:38What?
17:38Ah!
17:39Never had one.
17:43No time or interest.
17:46I mean, total.
17:48Okay.
17:49Great.
17:50Awesome.
17:50I'm your first pancake.
17:51That's awesome.
17:52We're doomed.
17:53Damn.
17:54Those are my terms.
17:55One night of intimacy per week.
17:57Take it or leave it.
17:57Take it or leave it.
17:58You're playing hardball now, Mr. Business.
18:00My answer?
18:04No.
18:05We're going to go slow.
18:07Snail pace.
18:08Tortoise pace.
18:09No, no, no.
18:10Fossil pace.
18:12Slow.
18:13Slow.
18:13Slow.
18:13What is that?
18:33I don't know.
18:34You're just being kind of cute when you're all flustered.
18:40Okay.
18:41We can keep turn two date nights.
18:46But we are not sleeping in the same bed.
18:49And you are not seeing me naked for a very, very long time.
18:58Okay.
19:00Oh, and for the love of God, what is your name?
19:02Your real name?
19:04It's Oliver.
19:06Oliver it is.
19:11I've loved you since the moment I first saw you out.
19:19I won't screw this up.
19:21Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
19:37Oh, no.
19:39Oh, no.
19:40I'm going to kill him.
19:50What are you doing?
19:52Good morning.
19:55Why are you blasting grown man jazz at 6.30 in the morning?
19:59Deals aren't going to make themselves.
20:02I'll start the day off right, huh?
20:05You got to.
20:05Okay.
20:06Well, could you start the day right?
20:08A little bit more.
20:09I don't know.
20:10Quietly?
20:11Please?
20:14No.
20:17No.
20:18He says no.
20:19Wow.
20:20Okay, yeah, because you need to sleep.
20:23Oh, my goodness.
20:24I'm just talking for an idea of talking to him.
20:31Six in the morning, stupid.
20:34Well, after my husband and I, we could not be more different.
20:39Woo!
20:39Woo!
20:39Woo!
20:40Woo!
20:40Woo!
20:40Woo!
20:40Woo!
20:40Woo!
20:41Woo!
20:41Woo!
20:41Woo!
20:41Woo!
20:42Woo!
20:42Woo!
20:43Woo!
20:43Woo!
20:43Woo!
20:44Woo!
20:44Woo!
20:45Woo!
20:46Woo!
20:46Woo!
20:47Woo!
20:47Woo!
20:48Woo!
20:48Woo!
20:49Woo!
20:49Woo!
20:50Woo!
20:50Woo!
20:51Woo!
20:51Woo!
20:51Woo!
20:52Woo!
20:52Woo!
20:52Woo!
20:52Woo!
20:53Woo!
20:53Woo!
20:53Woo!
21:10No!
21:11No!
21:11No!
21:12No!
21:12No, I don't care what you say.
21:14I'm not signing that contract under any circumstances.
21:18Wait, wait.
21:19Do you think I'm an idiot?
21:21No!
21:24Fine.
21:30Totally.
21:31No, no, that is unacceptable.
21:39One night a week.
21:41Eight night a week.
21:42Seven people, okay?
21:49Eight nights a week.
22:05One night a week.
22:13Yeah.
23:44What do you do at these wellness events?
23:47I actually, I don't know.
23:48It's my first time going.
23:51Why, are you jealous?
23:52No.
23:53Go for it.
23:54I'm zen time.
23:58Okay.
23:58You know, you were a lot more fun in Vegas.
24:08This is me.
24:09Hey.
24:10Take it or leave it.
24:11Trust me.
24:12I plan to leave it.
24:14Well, have fun working.
24:17Or whatever he's going to do.
24:23God, he's boring.
24:24So, you're still married to Vegas, guy?
24:40Yeah, it's complicated.
24:42But stop, don't make fun of me.
24:46Nothing a little wellness retreat can't fix.
24:48Oh, I did.
24:59We're here at Casa Corazón in Malibu.
25:05Honoring our soul's remembrance.
25:07Oh, so true, girl.
25:08So, we're here at Casa Corazón.
25:11Great.
25:12Ellen with Kennedy.
25:14What could possibly go wrong?
25:19So, what's he really like?
25:22If you haven't gone legal on him yet, there must be something redeemable.
25:25Yeah, I mean, he's complicated.
25:30He's smart.
25:32And intense.
25:33He works a lot.
25:36I don't know, he's just different and weak.
25:38Of course he was.
25:39Ah, you were drunk.
25:41He's probably an emotionally repressed workaholic who had a moment of weakness.
25:46Ugh.
25:47God, he sounds like my brother.
25:49Funny.
26:00You okay?
26:04Yeah.
26:05Yeah.
26:06Yeah?
26:06Yeah.
26:07I'm gonna go.
26:10I'm gonna go get some air.
26:12Okay.
26:13Do you want me to come with you?
26:15I'm okay.
26:16I'm just gonna go, like, be one with nature.
26:21Yes.
26:21Yes.
26:22Or, I'm gonna throw up and ask me.
26:25Okay, baby.
26:27Okay.
26:27Yeah.
26:28Yeah.
26:28No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
26:47Hi.
26:48Hi.
26:49Hi.
26:50No, no, no, no, no.
26:51I'm like, um, actual magic mushroom in them.
26:55Oh, yeah.
26:57Yeah, yeah.
26:58a healthy dose.
27:03Be well, either sister.
27:19If you...
27:21Hmm?
27:28Oh!
27:38Oh, hi!
27:40Thank you for driving me.
27:42Do I owe you anything?
27:45I am at Oliver's service now.
27:47Oliver?
27:50Oh, he saved me!
27:53My angel!
27:55Oh, hi!
28:13Oliver?
28:16Oliver!
28:18Hey, big boy!
28:24You!
28:25Oh, my God, it's you!
28:31I feel love!
28:34Are you...
28:36Are you high?
28:37Uh-huh.
28:38Wow!
28:39This is just so crazy!
28:41Because...
28:42Because earlier her face was turning into you.
28:45And now your face is turning into hers.
28:48And it's like you're, like, the same person.
28:53God, your answer.
28:55What did Kennedy give you?
28:57Chocolate, baby!
29:00Oh, dear!
29:01No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
29:03Oh!
29:04Oh!
29:05Oh, my God!
29:06No!
29:07No, no, no, wait!
29:08It's fine!
29:09It's fine!
29:10It's fine!
29:11It's fine!
29:12It's a little maze!
29:13Everything's fine!
29:14No!
29:15No, it's not!
29:16It's not everything!
29:18It's us!
29:19It's this!
29:20It's this!
29:21It's this!
29:22I wanted this to work.
29:25I can't solve that, but...
29:29Oliver...
29:31I think that we need to get to her.
29:34Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:42Are you okay?
29:47What's that?
29:50It's okay.
29:52Oh!
29:53Get it all out of here.
29:54I got your...
29:55I got your little ponytail.
30:09So?
30:12Should we talk about it?
30:14Oh, no.
30:16I don't think we need to relive that.
30:18What?
30:21Oh!
30:22Oh!
30:23No!
30:24No, no, no!
30:25Not...
30:26Not that.
30:28Um...
30:29This...
30:31This is...
30:33It's wrong.
30:37What?
30:38Why wrong?
30:39Come on, Oliver.
30:41You wake up at dawn with Beethoven and Q4 projections.
30:47I'm just...
30:49Some messy artist.
30:51I mean, we've been doing this 30-day thing now for what?
30:54Two weeks?
30:56And we are already irritating the hell out of each other.
31:00I don't know.
31:01I think if this was one of my friends, I would tell her the truth.
31:04The truth?
31:05It's a girl.
31:07Cut your losses.
31:09Get the annulment.
31:10Move on with your life.
31:12So...
31:13Um...
31:15I don't know.
31:16I think maybe at the...
31:1830 days...
31:21We should be done.
31:23Officially.
31:24I don't know.
31:25I don't know.
31:29I don't know.
31:30Oliver?
31:34Oliver?
31:37Yeah.
31:39Affirmative.
31:40That's what you want?
31:43I think it's going to make sense.
31:47Oliver, have a great...
31:48Do you mind if I put something on for my last night here?
31:55Yeah.
31:56Before I just don't know what.
31:58Turn on the Clippers game.
32:03You're a Clippers, though?
32:04Did Kawhi Leonard hit a buzzer beater in Game 7
32:07to send the Raptors to the finals?
32:11What's the game then?
32:13Pass the ball!
32:15Pension always does his box of all every time.
32:19I can literally say this.
32:21Right?
32:23Yes!
32:24Yes!
32:26Yes!
32:30Good first win!