- 2 days ago
Ladies discuss relationships, careers and more.
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🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00What's going on everybody? Where are my singles at? It's okay if you're single. I like that energy. Me too. This is my Do It God ring. I put it on my ring finger.
00:15Do it guys. Do it guys. What's going on everybody? My name is Cherie Nicole. I'm the branded video content producer and host here at Essence and I have two amazing black women with me today. Welcome first of all you all to Unwind here at the Essence Food and Wine stage. We're going to have a blast. I have the one and only Kendra Jean. I don't know if you guys follow her on Instagram at all. If you don't. If you don't follow her. You're losing. She's the creator and host of Singles Live. It is blowing up.
00:44She's doing some phenomenal things and of course the one and only entrepreneur, media mogul herself, Yandy Smith, is in the building as well. Rich. Just rich. My credit score went up when I took a picture with her. Stop it. I got an 800 credit score now just because I touch Yandy. Stop it. So much money. Stop it. We're just looking at your wrist sis. That's all. The wrist and the finger. I'm just saying. He did good. He did both. He did good. I love it. Well let's stop being through some loving relationships if you guys don't mind.
01:14Kendi. I'm going to start with you. And I know you get this question about balance a lot. I personally think it's more prioritization than balance.
01:21But also with that, with everything that you do, not only how you prioritize, but how do you bridle your ambition because you always are pushing for the next thing.
01:30Yes. Hey y'all. Hey. Hey. Y'all having a good time at Essence? I see you back there Mickey Mouse E's. I see you. Okay. So the question if you didn't hear it was, how do we balance slash prioritize and still push our ambitions forward?
01:49So for me, like you said, balancing is not a real thing. It is a myth. There is no balance. There is no work life, married life balance. There is not. What there is, is prioritizing. So what I'm very intentional about is my time, right? My time costs money and that's something I cannot ever get back again.
02:09Yeah. So what I do, I schedule things. I'm a writer downer. So I say, I got this time to this time to do this. I got that time to do that time to do this.
02:19And baby girl that came to get me from my booth. If y'all want to know, I have a booth in the back. Come see me. So she's like, all right. Yes. Get care. It's time for you to come do your panel.
02:29I was like, it ain't really quite the time. My panel started at 350. I'm going to get there at 350. I had a line going all the way around. I had to make sure I serviced the people in my line first.
02:41Yeah. So time is very important to me and I'm very particular about how I spend my time, but I write in time to visualize and to dream. I write in time to create. I write in time to, all right, this is time blacked out for my family. This is time for the kids. This is time for the husband. And you kind of have to do it. You might have to limit some time on Facebook, limit some time on Instagram when you really want to prioritize your career, your family, or your relationship.
03:10I love that. Let's talk about relationships. Now, Kendra G. Yes. Now you're getting all in the people's dating business on a daily basis.
03:19She's the actor. Shout out to Kendra G. This show that she's doing on Instagram is phenomenal. It's so good. Phenomenal. But I want to give you your business just a little bit. Yes. Because I want to know your three absolute non-negotiables when it comes to dating. For me? Yes, for you. Okay. And then I want to add some stuff to it. I'm going to answer your question first.
03:37So my personal non-negotiables are I have to always vibrate at my highest vibration, right?
03:44Right. So if you make me vibrate lower, you can't go. You can help me vibrate higher. Yeah.
03:50And when I say that, I think that's a good thing to have a rule because people say, oh, I want a guy with money. Well, the guy with money can stretch your ass out.
03:58You know, you might not be at your highest vibration with the guy that has money.
04:03Yeah.
04:03Then you might be with a guy that doesn't have money, but you have to lower yourself to be at his vibration.
04:08And then you're still not operating at your highest self, right?
04:11So I just got to always be able to vibrate at my highest vibration.
04:16I got to be authentically myself.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Right now, I'm Kendra G. I'm sitting down with Yandy. I'm cute.
04:22But I didn't wake up like this. I ain't Beyonce.
04:24We ain't wake up like this, okay?
04:27So if you my man, you got to love me out the wig, with the wig, with the lashes, out the lashes.
04:34So we got to have real, real. It has to be real.
04:36It has to be authentic.
04:38You know, we live in a time right now where, you know, my fame is really happening from Instagram.
04:42But Instagram can be a fake world, right?
04:44Yeah.
04:44My relationship has to be authentic.
04:47Like, I don't want no show relationship or show pony.
04:51It has to be something authentic, real, and all of that.
04:54I love that.
04:54Speaking of authentic and real, I have a question for really both of you to tackle on this.
04:57Okay.
04:58Let's talk about the generation we're in.
05:00How many of you are actively dating out here?
05:02Actively dating.
05:03How many of y'all are sick of it?
05:05You're tired.
05:05You're a little weary.
05:07Hey, I feel you.
05:09All right, so.
05:10How many of y'all married?
05:12There we go.
05:12All right.
05:13All right.
05:13We met her too.
05:16I got you.
05:16And this is why this is for both of you.
05:18Speaking of the generation that we are in, your show comes to mind with this question as well.
05:23Because you got some characters on there.
05:24Boy.
05:25Do you guys think that there is a level of delusion that we're walking in at times when it comes to marriage and when it comes to dating?
05:34I mean, we live in a world of delusion right now.
05:36People think because they're famous on Instagram, they're famous.
05:40You are famous in real life.
05:42You're legendary in radio.
05:43You have a long history of doing some amazing things.
05:47But it is a.
05:49Being famous just on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly money.
05:54It doesn't mean it's real.
05:56So, we, me, I've been a victim of it.
06:00I look at someone with all the likes in the world.
06:03I look at these relationships.
06:05Like, oh my gosh, they're so perfect.
06:07No.
06:08One day I put up a transparency post where it was my anniversary and me and Mandisi was beefing.
06:14He did something that pissed me off at my child's graduation.
06:17So, I purposely didn't get in no pictures with him.
06:19So, we got all these pictures with the rest of the family.
06:21Any picture that he's in, I'm out.
06:23Because I was like, no.
06:25But I posted that, listen, yesterday was my anniversary.
06:28I wasn't speaking to him.
06:29I feel bad today.
06:31But this is the transparency because I want y'all to know every day is not going to be great.
06:35Every anniversary is not going to be great.
06:37It doesn't mean I love him less.
06:39It means I didn't like him that day.
06:41And I think that you have to be really real with the delusion out there.
06:46Don't think that every couple that posts all these bomb reels, they're in love, they got the happy stains,
06:52you got that guy like, I love you.
06:55And because I love you, I'll never leave you.
06:58And they're running through the beach and all that.
07:00That was today.
07:01It wasn't yesterday.
07:03So, don't be fooled.
07:05Relationships are real work.
07:07Can I get a woo-woo for my married folk out there?
07:11It's real work.
07:13It's every day of compromise, every day of I don't like you today, but I love you still.
07:19So, I'm going to try to get past the fact that I don't like you.
07:22So, don't be misguided by what you see on Instagram or what you see when people show up at church holding hands.
07:30It's work.
07:31It's real work.
07:33You know what?
07:33I want to add on to that.
07:34First of all, give it up for Yandy.
07:36Because Yandy is actually right.
07:39She's a wife.
07:40And also, we all see her life play out.
07:42I love it, Bob.
07:42But we see the things that you have gone through with your husband.
07:45So, I talk to people every day.
07:47They live in Cinderella world.
07:49They want a perfect relationship.
07:51Single people don't want to deal with the things that relationship people deal with.
07:56That's really what it kind of comes down to.
07:58And I'm not saying that you should, but understand the reason why.
08:03Because, you know, it was so funny.
08:04I was watching Girls Trip on my way here.
08:06And the most asked for a man on my show was tall, dark, and handsome.
08:10And y'all all seen Girls Trip, right?
08:12Yeah.
08:12So, remember Ryan?
08:13She had it all.
08:14And she was married to the tall, dark, and handsome.
08:16And he had a baby on the way by another woman.
08:19But she still wanted to stand there.
08:21And she was going to go on until she couldn't go anymore.
08:24That's what a lot of marriage people do at times.
08:27They give you the beautiful picture, the Hallmark card.
08:30And you think as a single woman that's what it is.
08:33When Yandy's giving you the truth, like, no, I went through some things.
08:37We married.
08:37We go through some things.
08:38We happy.
08:39So, of course, you want more good times than bad times.
08:42I'm not saying for you to hurt more than you're happy.
08:45But the fact of the matter is the people I talk to every day, they want something that doesn't exist.
08:51They want perfection.
08:53And then a lot of times they're not perfect.
08:55You know, I'll get women to say, I got a two-year-old, but I want no man that got a two-year-old.
09:00I'm like, girl, you got a two-year-old.
09:02Or, I know I got to lose some weight, but my man got to be fit.
09:05You know, I know I ain't working, but he got to make seven figures.
09:09It's like, you don't want to date yourself.
09:11That's the biggest thing.
09:12People don't want to date themselves, and then they get mad when a person who you are want to date you.
09:17You're trying to preach today?
09:19I mean, I will say this, though.
09:20This is good to me.
09:21But let me say this.
09:23I didn't always know this.
09:24I'm three years in, right?
09:25I'm not the same person that hosted my show that I am today.
09:29This is three years of experience, three years of having conversations.
09:34I'm a journalist at heart, as Yandy mentioned, but that was like the celebrity world that I was in for the last 24 years.
09:40The last three years is regular folks, the real folks, the important folks, because you're the ones that really run the world.
09:46I'm not sitting here today because of an interview with Kanye West.
09:49I'm sitting here because the people like you support me.
09:52I literally walked away from my radio job a month ago, and I knew I had to in order to deep dive into this new...
10:00I can get emotional over that because I've been doing that for 24 years, and when I left, people thought, what are you going to do?
10:08It's over.
10:09I'm like, over?
10:10God told me it just started.
10:12Like, I want to have a booth like Yandy one day next year with my singles app, you know?
10:18So sometimes you got to step out on faith.
10:20But I want to add this one thing real quick.
10:23Sometimes it's okay to be single.
10:25You should not always be in a relationship.
10:27Sometimes you got to work on yourself, heal yourself to get to the kind of person that you really want to date.
10:33Don't let anybody make you feel bad.
10:34And I tell my age all the time, I'm 44, I do that because I don't want y'all to think at 44 you got to be sad about life and, oh, this doesn't happen.
10:43No.
10:44God is using me to speak to this generation that I live in.
10:47Like, a birthday is the greatest gift.
10:50You know how many people wish they could say they were 44 that died at 21?
10:53I'm going to celebrate every birthday.
10:55So I want you to fall in love with yourself, and that will resonate, and you will attract that type of energy.
11:01I want to speak a little bit to what you were talking about earlier, Kendra G, about just lists.
11:05And some of us have lists about the mate that we would like.
11:09And there's often talks about, girl, your standards are too high.
11:12You need to relax your standards.
11:14Or, you know, some people may say that's settling.
11:17How do you guys determine, what does that line look like for you guys between kind of relaxing your standards a bit and settling?
11:24Like adjusting your list for the times we're in or your evolution versus settling for what you really don't want?
11:29Yeah, so I want to jump really quick.
11:32You said something that was super important.
11:35When you come into a relationship, even in a dating space, it's not 50-50.
11:40Again, it's not this whole, like, balance.
11:42You got to come into a relationship a whole 100.
11:46You got to step into the room your whole self.
11:49As much as you can put whoever that whole self is, put that complete self forward.
11:54Don't get into the relationship looking to be completed by this man.
11:58I hate when people say, oh, you complete me.
12:01No, be completed when you walk in.
12:04Be complete, right?
12:05And let him add value.
12:08Let him add value to who you already are.
12:11Just in case that man was to go somewhere else, you're not incomplete.
12:15You're still a whole complete woman or man.
12:18Right, so that's one.
12:19Come to the table complete.
12:21And I think once you do that, and for me, when I was looking for, I mean, I was much younger, but I wanted to be happy.
12:28Happy didn't have, happy didn't have necessary.
12:32I knew what I was attracted to, so that's what I looked for as well.
12:35But my goal was happy.
12:38Can you make me laugh?
12:39Can I trust you with my heart?
12:41When I go to sleep at night, I don't want to be checking phones and who you're talking to in the back and why you're going in the class.
12:48I don't want none of that.
12:49And thank God I don't have that life.
12:52I want to be happy.
12:54I got too much stuff to do to be worried about what you're doing.
12:58So my goal, it wasn't a list for me.
13:01I prayed for, God, I want to be happy.
13:04God, I want consistency.
13:06God, I want to laugh.
13:07God, I want the person that I'm going to do the things that I like to do.
13:11I like to travel.
13:12I wanted to have children.
13:13I hope they want to have children.
13:15That's what I wanted.
13:16But I came to the table with my best self.
13:18So I wasn't saying, I need somebody that can pay my bills.
13:21I need somebody that can make sure he did it.
13:24Now, granted, I think that's great.
13:26If you got a man that want to spoil you, that want to pay your bills, want to take care of you, amazing, you deserve that.
13:32But come to the table ready to pay your own if you have to.
13:34Yeah.
13:35Come to the table prepared for whatever life gives you in case that man gets sick, in case that man unfortunately has to go away, in case anything happens, come as a whole person so that you don't become a burden on yourself or your children or anybody else.
13:51Yeah.
13:51Speak on it, EZ.
13:56One of my mentors, you guys know who E.T., the hip-hop preacher is?
14:00Yes.
14:00He's one of my mentors.
14:02He's so great.
14:03And we had a conversation about this.
14:04You know, he's married.
14:05He said, when you a quarterback, you don't need another quarterback.
14:08You need a running back.
14:09You know, so a lot of times people want to, I do believe you got to have some of the things that you require, but I think the biggest challenge right now is a lot of women who are successful, you know, they want a man that is equally as successful or more, but don't understand that that guy's desires are different than what yours are, right?
14:29So he wants someone that can fit into his life.
14:32So that might be a beautiful girl who may not work, right?
14:35Yeah.
14:35But that works for him.
14:36So you really got to do the situation to figure out what works for you.
14:40I don't believe there's one size fit all.
14:43You know, we see Rihanna and A$AP Rocky.
14:45I love when they were on the cover, he was in the back holding the child.
14:48You know, people try to say, oh, his masculinity was taken away.
14:52No, it's not.
14:53That's the kind of man that she needed.
14:55I'm going to use celebrities because we know celebrities.
14:57Then we have LeBron James who's married to his wife, but she doesn't work.
15:01You know what I'm saying?
15:01So there's not one dynamic.
15:04You got to figure out what works for you, and then you ride for that.
15:08You mentioned a list.
15:09I like Yandy's list because it wasn't about heights.
15:12It wasn't about money.
15:13It was about I want to be happy.
15:16I don't want to be stressed out.
15:17You know, like those are important things I think that should be.
15:21I don't want to be beaten up.
15:22That's a good no domestic violence.
15:25That should be on the list.
15:25But when you have the things like height, money, okay, guess what?
15:29You can get that, but accept what comes with it.
15:32I think what happens is you want this tall, dark man to act like some guy that he's not going to be.
15:39You know, he got, we got Essence Fest.
15:41Probably three million women here, and there's probably, I don't know, 50,000 men.
15:4650,000 men to three million women.
15:49And then the guy you want, that means he got a million actions.
15:52That's true.
15:53It's just real talk.
15:54You just got to do the math in that way, right?
15:56So, and I think at this moment, men will know that they come with stuff.
16:00They know that they're desired.
16:01They know that they're wanted.
16:02So, just because you're pretty, what does that mean to him?
16:05That doesn't mean enough to make him be solely with you.
16:08So, I think you just got to be realistic what you're asking for, and women up, and getting what you ask for.
16:15To your point about successful women, we know black women are overeducated.
16:20We're killing the game when it comes to education.
16:22A lot of us are making moves as entrepreneurs and the like.
16:25Shout out for yourself.
16:26Hey, ladies, shout out to y'all.
16:28We're turning up.
16:29And with that said, it is difficult at times to get in the dating world.
16:33And this goes for either of you.
16:34Just three tactical things, like practical things that we can do when it comes to our intention in dating to the single women out there that are moving and grooving independently, but they're not independent women.
16:46Like, they desire connection.
16:48They desire relationship.
16:49I think you should answer first, because you have it all.
16:51Oh, my God.
16:52I don't even remember.
16:54It's been so long.
16:55While she's thinking, I want to add this.
16:57For the entrepreneur woman, the way you go after your career, you've got to make space for a relationship.
17:02Yeah.
17:02One of the biggest things that I'm noticing is that we have so many ambitious women, which I love.
17:09I'm one of you.
17:10But you have to carve out time if you want a man.
17:13You have to plan for it.
17:14Just like you wanted that job.
17:15You have to also plan to be a wife if that's what your desire is.
17:19Or plan to be a mom.
17:20Because what happens is you get to 50, and you have this wonderful resume.
17:26And you can put it on the wall, but then you realize, oh, I didn't make time for a man.
17:31Oh, I didn't make time to become a mom.
17:33And then you might be upset by it, right?
17:35So I say just like as you're going after your career, you have to also carve out that time and that intention and that focus to allow for a guy in a family.
17:45Because it would never happen if you don't.
17:47Absolutely.
17:49They're closing me out, but I have to ask you guys this last question.
17:51Okay.
17:53If your relationship was a cocktail for both of you, what would it be and why?
17:58Oh, I would say, oh, y'all are nasty on the beach.
18:09I like that one.
18:10I would say, I would say a, um, a spicy, I would say a spicy, what is that, um, what is that drink that, um, is a pina colada on the rocks?
18:29What do they call it?
18:30A pina colada on the rocks.
18:33Oh, it's called a painkiller.
18:35Oh, a painkiller.
18:36So I would say a spicy painkiller.
18:39And I'm going to tell you why, right?
18:41I definitely require some spice in my relationship.
18:44I want, I want different things.
18:46I don't want anything to always be the same.
18:48I want to be different, do different, do the thing different, just different, right?
18:55But then I also, I want you to be my painkiller.
18:58Whatever, whatever, whatever causes me pain, whatever my insecurities are, whatever my weaknesses are, I want you to lend to that.
19:06I want you to preach to me how beautiful I am.
19:08I want you to tell me it's going to be okay.
19:11I want you to just make me feel like I should have no pain in the world because you're my painkiller.
19:16I want a spicy painkiller.
19:18What about you, Andrew G?
19:20Listen, I was over here trying to rebuke the devil in my head with my answer.
19:25As Yandy was talking, I was like, Lord, come through because the devil's coming through hard.
19:29So in my head, it's sex on the beach.
19:32I'm sorry.
19:33It's sex on the beach.
19:35But you know what?
19:36I think I can't rebuke it because when I'm that free again to be with somebody, we should be free enough.
19:42Y'all ain't going to watch, but we need to be free enough to be freaky enough because that's what it's all about.
19:47So I'm going to say that's happy.
19:48Yes.
19:49Well, speaking of free, your products are not, but I want to make sure that people can get a hold of what you got going on here at the table.
19:58Come to the booth.
19:59It's 73, 76, I believe.
20:02It's straight down this way.
20:03It's a yellow skincare booth.
20:04We're having a party.
20:05We got a DJ.
20:05We're dancing.
20:06We're giving out bottles of wine, some mixed risotto, some of this wine.
20:10Just come over.
20:11Kendra G., what's next for you?
20:12The biggest thing is the dating app.
20:14Kendra G. Singles Odd Live will be out this summer.
20:17So we're going to be bigger than Tinder.
20:19You know, it's going to be bigger than all those other apps because you won't be catfished.
20:23You'll be able to actually see how I do the interviews on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
20:27Follow her if you're a single for sure.
20:29And if you matter, you just want entertainment.
20:31I am entertained.
20:32Yes.
20:33I have a lot of merry people over there that stop me.
20:36So it's Kendra G. Media.
20:37If you guys don't know, Kendra G. Media.
20:39Yes.
20:40But the app drops this summer.
20:41Kendra G. Singles Odd.
20:43I love it.
20:43How can people connect with you on social media, Yandy?
20:45I keep things simple.
20:46Yandy Smith, the names I get checked in, just follow me, Yandy Smith, everything.
20:49Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
20:51All right, everybody, if you got a glass, we're going to toast really quick.
20:55We're going to toast to health.
20:58We're going to toast to wellness.
21:00We're going to toast to those ladies out there who desire love, that you find what you're looking for.
21:05We're going to toast to dating with intention.
21:08And we're going to toast to good vibes on three.
21:10Here we go.
21:11Three, two, one.
21:12Woo!
21:14Thank you guys so much for joining us in singles.
21:18If you're married too, stick around because it's a mixer.
21:20You never know who you're going to be.
21:22Oh, yeah.
21:23Thank you, guys.
21:24Enjoy.
21:24Can I have a lemon drop?
21:26Can I have a lemon drop over there?
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