- 5 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The tropical places, you know, that's the go-to.
00:00:30Get your white sands and your blue water and your fucking guava trees and whatever.
00:00:35And it makes a beautiful postcard, but I burn.
00:00:39And I can't, you know, it's just not, it's not relaxing to me.
00:00:42If I got my Mai Tai and my pina umbrella, whatever thing, and I forget to put on my SPF Infinity sweater and a bottle.
00:00:49And then the next day I can't wipe my own ass without discomfort, exceptional discomfort.
00:00:54And then I gotta stay out of the sun and deal with all that bullshit.
00:00:58And what's the point of being in the tropics if you gotta act like some fucking nerd on summer break reading a Hobbit book in his bedroom?
00:01:06So, a more temperate climate.
00:01:10That's what I'm looking for from this.
00:01:13From a getaway standpoint.
00:01:15What about you?
00:01:16It'd be nice to meet somebody.
00:01:21What?
00:01:22You know, just somebody new.
00:01:24Get unstuck.
00:01:26That's kind of a lot to pin on it.
00:01:29I'm just saying I was talking about a more temperate climate and you're talking about some measure of human emotion.
00:01:34One of which, by the way, you can find on the map.
00:01:37We're just talking here, right?
00:01:39Sure.
00:01:39Well, you're going off like we just pulled some Master Diamond heist.
00:01:42I'm just saying eventually.
00:01:43Haven't even found a place.
00:01:44We're looking.
00:01:46Right?
00:01:47There's the jet caching place we talked about.
00:01:51That's a rough crowd.
00:01:53Something goes wrong.
00:01:53It goes all the way wrong.
00:01:57The flower shop.
00:01:58No, she's nice.
00:01:59And I met her daughter that one time, so that makes it really...
00:02:02You shouldn't have been shopping there.
00:02:04I was casing the joint.
00:02:05You could have cased the fucking Louvre the amount of time you spent there.
00:02:07She has nice eyes and she found her passion in flowers and I don't want to rob her.
00:02:11Some people have no idea what they want to do with their lives and she's...
00:02:13Fine, fine.
00:02:14I get it.
00:02:15Besides, I found the place.
00:02:18I found the flower shop.
00:02:19No, I mean the place.
00:02:23Yeah?
00:02:24Yeah.
00:02:24It's perfect.
00:02:27Unexpected.
00:02:29Is it this place?
00:02:31What?
00:02:32Oh, man, yeah.
00:02:33This is like Pulp Fiction.
00:02:34What shitty part of Pulp Fiction would this possibly be like?
00:02:37You know, the opening part with Honey Bunny and Pumpkin and any of you fucking pricks move?
00:02:42I'm going to execute every motherfucking last one of you.
00:02:46Jesus.
00:02:47Yeah.
00:02:47Yeah, I'm into it.
00:02:48Let's do it.
00:02:49What are we going to rob the diner with?
00:02:50Our fucking coffee spoons?
00:02:53We should at least order the steak and eggs first so we have knives.
00:02:56You guys ready to order?
00:02:58Yeah, I'll have the steak and eggs.
00:03:00What is the finest item on your menu?
00:03:05Oh, my favorite is the chocolate chip pancakes.
00:03:08Super tasty.
00:03:10Yeah.
00:03:11You don't like pancakes?
00:03:13No, it's just my ex-fiancee's favorite.
00:03:17So it's kind of a loaded menu option for me.
00:03:22It's a Denver omelet.
00:03:24Thanks.
00:03:28Wow.
00:03:29What?
00:03:30I don't want chocolate chip pancakes.
00:03:32So what?
00:03:33It's breakfast, not dessert.
00:03:35Perfect.
00:03:36Say that.
00:03:36Do you want to hear about the place or do you want to be my fucking life coach?
00:03:42It's a house.
00:03:44I know how to get in.
00:03:45I know there's valuable jewelry.
00:03:47And I know that they're gone all week.
00:03:50Which week?
00:03:51This week, now.
00:03:56Holy shit, this is real.
00:03:57This is really real.
00:03:59There is one part.
00:04:02It's in a gated community.
00:04:04So there's a guard and a gate and a fence around the whole thing.
00:04:09So I know how to get in the house.
00:04:12I just don't know how to get to the house.
00:04:18Well, I do.
00:04:19I know.
00:04:21Oh, so I know.
00:05:51We're here.
00:05:53And that's how you do it.
00:05:54This is for you, my good man.
00:06:10Dude.
00:06:10You get the other half when you pick us up.
00:06:15Oh, this is bullshit.
00:06:16At least pay for the pizza, man.
00:06:18This is all the way the hell out here.
00:06:20How am I going to account for this from the books?
00:06:23Fine.
00:06:23Now, remember, this address plus a sausage, mushroom, and anchovy pizza.
00:06:34That's the code to come pick us up.
00:06:35Yeah, the address is fine.
00:06:37I mean, no one's going to come...
00:06:38Let's not get our signals crossed here, okay?
00:06:42Just stick to the plan.
00:06:45Whatever.
00:06:47Whoa, whoa.
00:06:48Yeah.
00:06:49Since we paid for it...
00:06:50What if there's no hide-a-rock?
00:06:58There is.
00:07:00How do you know?
00:07:01Because I know.
00:07:02We wouldn't be here if there wasn't a hide-a-rock.
00:07:04Then why haven't you found it?
00:07:05Because it looks like a fucking rock.
00:07:07That's the beauty of its design.
00:07:13I've got no bars.
00:07:15How would you pay all this money to live up in a place with no bars?
00:07:18I'll have to call the pizza guy from inside, I guess.
00:07:22That'll actually make it seem more legit.
00:07:24Yeah.
00:07:25The caller ID shows this address.
00:07:28The guy picks us up.
00:07:30Nothing funny about that.
00:07:32Nothing to pin it to us.
00:07:34It's almost too perfect.
00:07:35What?
00:07:38Leo.
00:07:39Yeah?
00:07:39I was saying we have to call the pizza guy from inside.
00:07:41I heard you.
00:07:44Hear that?
00:07:51What was that?
00:07:52Don't move.
00:07:55It's an alarm.
00:07:56Shit!
00:07:57I didn't know about the alarm.
00:07:59It's okay.
00:08:00Just there might be motion detectors.
00:08:02Like lasers?
00:08:04Maybe.
00:08:04Or infrared.
00:08:05Or infrared.
00:08:07You know, everything gives off infrared heat.
00:08:09Even ice.
00:08:10That's fucking fascinating.
00:08:11Do you know what you're doing there?
00:08:12Yeah.
00:08:14I'm getting it.
00:08:15What does that mean, you're getting it?
00:08:17I've established a pattern, and I'm working within the confines of that pattern to decipher
00:08:23the whole...
00:08:24Incorrect.
00:08:25System armed.
00:08:27Armed?
00:08:28You just armed it?
00:08:31So now we have to break out of the house that we just broke into?
00:08:33I mean, if anything, it proves that the pattern was right.
00:08:36I just went in the wrong direction with it.
00:08:38Right?
00:08:40If I reverse it...
00:08:41No, don't touch it!
00:08:42It's fucking armed.
00:08:44I know.
00:08:44I'm going to unarm it.
00:08:45No, you're not.
00:08:46You're going to set it off, and then the guard's going to be here in six seconds.
00:08:49Cops are going to be right behind him.
00:08:51And then we're going to be stuck here with nowhere to go, because we're in the middle
00:08:54of a giant gated, based-in cage.
00:08:58Okay, yeah, it's not ideal.
00:09:01But it's not a problem.
00:09:03There's a code, and it's written down somewhere in this house.
00:09:07Maybe on their computer, in an email from the security company, or something like that.
00:09:12We just take our time, find the code while we rob the place, and then skedaddle.
00:09:19Clean and easy.
00:09:21What about the motion detectors?
00:09:33No motion detectors.
00:09:44Good find.
00:09:47Huh?
00:09:48This place is swanky.
00:09:51It's okay.
00:09:53Okay?
00:09:54Look at this!
00:09:57What is it?
00:09:59This is art.
00:10:00They have art hanging on the walls.
00:10:02That's some ritzy people's shit.
00:10:04We're going to score huge on this job.
00:10:06What are you doing?
00:10:17Stealing this.
00:10:18It looks expensive.
00:10:19We're not going to steal a bowl.
00:10:21We need small things that we can fit in our bags.
00:10:24Or in a pizza box, right?
00:10:26We can put a painting in here.
00:10:28Let's eat this fast so the box doesn't get all sweaty.
00:10:30Here.
00:10:35What the fuck?
00:10:36What?
00:10:37You just ruined that rug.
00:10:38Look at that.
00:10:39Show some respect.
00:10:41We are robbing this place.
00:10:43We don't have to rub their faces in it.
00:10:45I mean, shit.
00:10:48It's a nice rug.
00:10:51Okay.
00:10:51I don't know.
00:10:52I'm sorry.
00:10:52I don't know what's going on right now.
00:10:55Yeah, it's ruined.
00:11:14Bingo.
00:11:15What?
00:11:16Office.
00:11:17Where would you keep a code?
00:11:19I don't know.
00:11:19I don't have an office.
00:11:21A computer.
00:11:22Maybe it's in a drawer or something.
00:11:26Hey, why don't we just go out the window?
00:11:28No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:11:31Censor.
00:11:31My sister has one of these get-ups at her house.
00:11:34Trying to smoke a little weed at the end of a stressful day with the family.
00:11:38Suddenly, the little damn neighborhood's awake and they have questions about your life's decisions.
00:11:45Oh.
00:11:46Where are you going?
00:11:4711-11.
00:11:48No, come on.
00:11:49We have to find a...
00:11:50Hand me that phone.
00:11:56You can't just skip this one?
00:11:57It takes a minute.
00:12:00It's 11-11.
00:12:01Time for the impossible question.
00:12:03You guys know the deal, but it's fun to say it.
00:12:05$104,800.
00:12:07That's what we're up to.
00:12:08It's been 524 days since the good soul has won.
00:12:12Twice a day, every day at 11-11, we pose the impossible question.
00:12:16And the generous folks at black bear markets add another $100 to the kitty.
00:12:20You call with a correct answer within 22 seconds, and you win it all.
00:12:25It would be so simple if it weren't impossible.
00:12:32So phone's ready.
00:12:34Here it comes.
00:12:36What the fuck?
00:12:36What were the last words of the first man to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge?
00:12:46Oh, come on.
00:12:48That's just...
00:12:48Oh, wait.
00:12:49You don't want to hear the answer?
00:12:50Some asshole is going to win, and then the next day I'm going to know the answer, and then only win $100.
00:12:55I believe I'd take to a clock tower.
00:13:00Wonder how cold that water is.
00:13:02Huh?
00:13:03Those would be cool last words.
00:13:05You say, I wonder how cold that water is, and then...
00:13:12Come on.
00:13:13Let's rob this place.
00:13:14Let's rob this place.
00:13:44Who the fuck is that?
00:14:00I don't know.
00:14:00You said no one was here.
00:14:01She's not the person who lives here.
00:14:03How do you know?
00:14:04Because I did my research.
00:14:05Then why wasn't she in your research?
00:14:06She doesn't leave here.
00:14:08Who the fuck is that?
00:14:09I don't know.
00:14:10Fuck.
00:14:10We've got to cut bait.
00:14:14Just get out of here.
00:14:15Out of where?
00:14:16Out of the house.
00:14:16Just go.
00:14:17Problem solved.
00:14:18We can't.
00:14:19The alarm.
00:14:22We take a chair, and we shove it under the doorknob.
00:14:26And then what?
00:14:27She's stuck.
00:14:28So she'll call for help.
00:14:31Like on the phone or out the window?
00:14:33What does that matter?
00:14:33We have to tie her up.
00:14:41What?
00:14:43Look, we need time.
00:14:45We don't have time if she finds us.
00:14:48If she wakes up, she's going to find us.
00:14:51So we have to tie her up.
00:14:54Here we go.
00:15:19Yeah, okay.
00:15:20We'll use that.
00:15:21What about our faces?
00:15:23She can't see our faces.
00:15:24Okay, we wrap her in the sheet and just take the shit out of her.
00:15:31Why are we wrapping her in the sheet?
00:15:32It's duct tape, man.
00:15:34So?
00:15:34So it's going to rip her fucking skin off.
00:15:36We're burglars, not assholes.
00:15:38Fine.
00:15:39You go high, I go low.
00:15:43Sorry.
00:15:44Whoa!
00:15:45Whoa!
00:15:45Whoa!
00:15:45Whoa!
00:15:46Sorry, sorry.
00:15:47Shut up!
00:15:48Help!
00:15:49It's okay.
00:15:50We're just taping you.
00:15:51Help!
00:15:52Shut up!
00:15:53No one can hear you.
00:15:54Don't be a dick about it.
00:15:55But he's right.
00:15:56No one can hear you.
00:16:00You good?
00:16:01Yeah.
00:16:05What the hell?
00:16:06My leg.
00:16:07What?
00:16:07You take my leg.
00:16:08Cut me loose.
00:16:09Okay.
00:16:10Will you hold still?
00:16:11I'm not doing anything.
00:16:13He's...
00:16:13I'm trying to kick free.
00:16:14You can't kick free.
00:16:15I have to cut.
00:16:17Yeah.
00:16:17Ha-ha!
00:16:18Don't hurt me.
00:16:19Don't hurt me.
00:16:20What?
00:16:20Oh, we're not going to hurt you.
00:16:22We're just going to steal some stuff and then we're going to...
00:16:24Oh, shit!
00:16:26What?
00:16:27My mask.
00:16:27I told you not to hug the saran wrap.
00:16:29I didn't see anything.
00:16:30Look at yours.
00:16:31Still on.
00:16:31I didn't hog it.
00:16:33It just wasn't enough to go around much.
00:16:34Oh, shit!
00:16:35You were wrapping your head like you were shipping it overseas.
00:16:37I didn't see your face.
00:16:38Just take whatever you want.
00:16:39I don't care.
00:16:40I'm just a house sitter.
00:16:41Yes, you did see my face.
00:16:42You were looking right at me.
00:16:43I don't remember.
00:16:43Just vaguely Chinese.
00:16:44That's all.
00:16:45Chinese?
00:16:46Dude!
00:16:47Turn around, Doug!
00:16:50Whatever you're looking for, it's all in a secret hiding spot.
00:16:53I know that.
00:16:54All the valuables.
00:16:55A computer.
00:16:57Just everything.
00:17:00Where?
00:17:01I don't know.
00:17:02I just heard them talking.
00:17:04Okay.
00:17:05You stay here.
00:17:07Let's go.
00:17:07We should put her back on the bed.
00:17:09I'm fine.
00:17:10She's fine.
00:17:11No, come on.
00:17:11It might be a while.
00:17:14Really, I'm fine.
00:17:15What's your name?
00:17:17Darcy.
00:17:18Darcy, there's really no reason for you to be uncomfortable.
00:17:22Come on.
00:17:24Jesus Christ.
00:17:30Good?
00:17:31Yeah.
00:17:33Shot if you need anything.
00:17:34But be fucking quiet about it.
00:17:42What are you, the concierge?
00:17:44She saw my face.
00:17:45She can identify me, so I want her to feel as good as she possibly can about this whole experience.
00:17:50Why are you calling me by my middle name in there?
00:17:53You know how much I hate that.
00:17:54What are you talking about?
00:17:56You called me Doug.
00:17:57I didn't know that was your middle name.
00:17:59Yes, you did.
00:18:00I told you that...
00:18:02Wait.
00:18:03Okay, now that I look at it, I may have over-applied.
00:18:16Okay, now that I look at it, I may have over-applied.
00:18:34So, we have a hostage now.
00:18:38Yeah, I know, it is not ideal, her being here.
00:18:44No, it's not ideal.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47It is a problem.
00:18:48But, she solves our two other problems.
00:18:52How?
00:18:52She knows the code.
00:18:54That's true.
00:18:55And we know all the great stuff is at a secret hiding spot we wouldn't be looking for otherwise.
00:19:01So, all we have to do is find the spot, steal the stuff, get the code, and order our pizza.
00:19:08We can do that.
00:19:12Hell yes, we can do that.
00:19:34What are you doing?
00:19:35I could be one of those Scooby-Doo deals, or the whole thing.
00:19:39You know.
00:19:59This is too much stuff.
00:20:02I'll start over here.
00:20:05Why in the hell would someone keep a box of blankets in the garage?
00:20:32What's the practical use in that?
00:20:36You're in bed, you're cold, you come out to the even colder garage to get a blanket?
00:20:41I don't know.
00:20:42I know you don't know.
00:20:43Because you wouldn't do that.
00:20:45Because it's a stupid thing to do.
00:20:47That's the 1% in action right there.
00:20:49This is why our country's in the shitter.
00:20:58Hey now.
00:21:01That's not a secret hiding spot.
00:21:03No, it's locked.
00:21:08Exactly.
00:21:09Because there's valuable stuff in here.
00:21:11It's a...
00:21:12Oh, no.
00:21:13What?
00:21:14You're going to break everything inside.
00:21:16But it's locked.
00:21:17So we'll find the key.
00:21:19We just found this.
00:21:24Perfect.
00:21:25So we're on a roll.
00:21:34This house is just too damn big.
00:21:36That's the real problem.
00:21:37Yeah, if you're robbing it.
00:21:39But if you're living here, it's probably pretty nice.
00:21:41It's ostentatious.
00:21:43I mean, if they were just a little more humble,
00:21:45we wouldn't have so many rooms to look through.
00:21:47I mean, what is this?
00:21:49The fucking parlor room or conservatory.
00:21:52It's like Clue.
00:22:07Niagara Falls.
00:22:11Yeah.
00:22:13Did you know Niagara Falls is actually three different falls?
00:22:15Horseshoe Falls, Bridal Veil.
00:22:17Did you move anything here?
00:22:19What?
00:22:20Was there any other stuff?
00:22:22No, I just turned it on.
00:22:26Did you put it there, though?
00:22:28In the center, like that?
00:22:31No, it was just there.
00:22:33By itself?
00:22:34Yeah.
00:22:36And then I turned it on.
00:22:37What's your deal?
00:22:53What are you doing?
00:22:54I'm taking this.
00:22:54We haven't found shit.
00:22:55This fits in my bag.
00:22:56It's got to be worth something.
00:22:57It's just a lamp.
00:22:59Yeah, but it's old and cool.
00:23:01You've seen those shows where people find weird stuff
00:23:03and it turns out to be worth a bundle?
00:23:05I saw this one where this guy had an old spittoon.
00:23:09Turned out to belong to some famous cowboy or something.
00:23:14$100,000.
00:23:16Cowboys didn't have lamps.
00:23:17It doesn't have to be a cowboy.
00:23:19That's not the important part.
00:23:20It's just that generally old things are, you know, can be, uh, um...
00:23:25I don't know all the specific rules, but this is old and funky and you never know.
00:23:31Oh, I do.
00:23:33I'm telling you.
00:23:35It's worth a couple hundred bucks.
00:23:37Maybe three by now.
00:23:38Maybe.
00:23:39Well, we'll see.
00:23:41It is.
00:23:42You say.
00:23:43I don't say.
00:23:44I know.
00:23:45How?
00:23:55Because I bought it.
00:23:58Do you have one of these?
00:23:59I haven't seen it.
00:24:01No, this one.
00:24:02I bought it.
00:24:04And we can't take it.
00:24:06Why would a lamp that you bought be in a house that we're robbing?
00:24:22Whose house is this?
00:24:27Jessica's.
00:24:28Oh, you have got to let it go!
00:24:36So, what, you've been stalking her?
00:24:43No.
00:24:44But you know where she lives.
00:24:45Well, that's just Facebook.
00:24:47You're still Facebook friends with her?
00:24:49So, you've just been stalking her online.
00:24:51That's not stalking.
00:24:52That's what Facebook is for.
00:24:55How did you know where the key was?
00:24:57We used to live together.
00:24:59She loves to hide a rock.
00:25:00She used to give it to everyone.
00:25:02Every housewarming gift ever.
00:25:05Hide a rock.
00:25:06She thinks it's the height of human innovation.
00:25:10So, what exactly was your plan here?
00:25:13To rob the place.
00:25:15Why?
00:25:16Why?
00:25:18We've been talking about it forever.
00:25:21So, I found a good place.
00:25:23No, you found a terrible place.
00:25:24I wanted to rob someplace cool.
00:25:26Not your ex-fiancé's new fiancé's house.
00:25:29It's a good place.
00:25:31There's jewelry.
00:25:36Diamonds.
00:25:38Diamonds.
00:25:39She has diamonds.
00:25:41A diamond.
00:25:42For sure.
00:25:43Wait.
00:25:44Are we just here to steal back your engagement ring?
00:25:46She shouldn't have kept it.
00:25:46Holy shit.
00:25:48She shouldn't have and she knows it.
00:25:49Why did you just ask for it back?
00:25:51There was a lot going on.
00:25:53We both wanted the Cuisinart to get a big argument about who put down the security deposit.
00:25:58You've got to be kidding me.
00:26:00Neither of us even thought about the ring.
00:26:01And then I did.
00:26:04And then I thought, well, if I realize it, then she realizes it and she'll bring it back soon.
00:26:11And then she didn't.
00:26:13And then I thought, well, maybe that means something.
00:26:17Maybe she's not ready to let go.
00:26:20And then she got engaged.
00:26:27And then that was the last straw.
00:26:34This is the saddest heist in the long storied history of crime.
00:26:37No, it's not.
00:26:38It's the perfect crime.
00:26:40I get my ring back.
00:26:41You get to steal his stupid rich guy stuff.
00:26:43Except that.
00:26:44That's not his.
00:26:45That's hers.
00:26:46I gave that to her.
00:26:47Even better.
00:26:47You get it back, too.
00:26:48No, no, look.
00:26:50She kept it here.
00:26:52In her house.
00:26:53With her fiancé.
00:26:55On a table all by itself.
00:26:58Don't you see?
00:27:00I'm still here.
00:27:03She still has a thing for me.
00:27:06She doesn't have a thing for you.
00:27:07She has a thing for this thing.
00:27:09This thing is nice.
00:27:10I'm nice.
00:27:12She's engaged to another guy.
00:27:14She can still change her mind.
00:27:16I know this.
00:27:18So she kept your ring.
00:27:22And she kept your lamp.
00:27:24So she's going to get back together with you?
00:27:26Maybe.
00:27:28Maybe.
00:27:31What about the girl up there?
00:27:33Who?
00:27:34The girl we just taped up.
00:27:36The house sitter.
00:27:38I don't know.
00:27:38What about her?
00:27:39She's a friend.
00:27:40And she's seen your face.
00:27:43So you and Jessica are going to get back together and you're going to run into her and she's
00:27:48going to be like, oh, do you know Leo?
00:27:50Oh, yeah.
00:27:51He tied me up in your bedroom that one time.
00:27:56Guys?
00:27:57She's not the quiet type.
00:27:59Hey, guys?
00:28:02Oh, yeah.
00:28:03Come on.
00:28:07Guys!
00:28:09That's not quiet shouting.
00:28:10That's regular, loud shouting.
00:28:13Sorry.
00:28:13I really have to go to the bathroom.
00:28:17Could you stop it?
00:28:19Does it look okay?
00:28:20It's fine.
00:28:22Okay.
00:28:24She has to go to the bathroom.
00:28:26How bad?
00:28:27Pretty bad.
00:28:28Okay, let's, um, let's tear a little hole in the sheet around her.
00:28:33I'm not doing that.
00:28:34That's super rapey.
00:28:35It's not rapey.
00:28:37It's we're being courteous.
00:28:40Okay, you have to go to the bathroom.
00:28:42That's no one's fault.
00:28:44We appreciate that you, uh, didn't soil the bed.
00:28:47That shows a lot of respect.
00:28:48Mm.
00:28:49Not towards us specifically, but just, you know, general respect towards humankind and,
00:28:55uh, societal norms.
00:28:58So that's a good trust-building move.
00:29:00Am I right?
00:29:01Sure.
00:29:02Okay.
00:29:03So, you showed some respect.
00:29:06We will do likewise and untape you, okay?
00:29:10Yes, please.
00:29:11But just to go to the bathroom.
00:29:13That's it.
00:29:14So you can tend to your needs.
00:29:17Then we'll tape you back up.
00:29:19I understand.
00:29:22Okay.
00:29:24Doug, let's...
00:29:25Oh, it's tearing the sheet a little here.
00:29:34See?
00:29:36Sheets were my idea.
00:29:37Didn't want to tear up your skin.
00:29:41Oh, it was nothing.
00:29:43Anyone would have.
00:29:44I mean, he didn't.
00:29:45Hey!
00:29:45But really, anyone.
00:29:47Whoa!
00:29:48What?
00:29:49I'm not dressed.
00:29:50You're not undressed.
00:29:52You're wearing underwear.
00:29:53Well, still, that's not the part.
00:29:54We've already seen you.
00:29:56Well, I'd prefer that you did not see me again.
00:29:58I don't know if this helps, but you really shouldn't have any body shame.
00:30:03What?
00:30:04I'm just saying your overall fitness seems high.
00:30:07Whatever work you're doing is really paying off.
00:30:10You should be super proud of the results.
00:30:13That's enough.
00:30:16You're in your underwear.
00:30:17You have to go to the bathroom.
00:30:19Those are just two facts.
00:30:20Deal with them.
00:30:21We don't care.
00:30:23We're not perverts.
00:30:24We're thieves.
00:30:25Okay?
00:30:26Now, let's go.
00:30:27There's a window, so we're going in with you.
00:30:40Why?
00:30:41So you don't run away.
00:30:43I'm not going to run away.
00:30:44I'm in my underwear.
00:30:44Who cares?
00:30:45Cindy Birdsong jumped out of a moving vehicle on the Long Beach Freeway to avoid capture.
00:30:50A little panty dash is nothing.
00:30:51Who is Cindy Birdsong?
00:30:52One of the Supremes.
00:30:54Why do you know that?
00:30:54Because I'm an educated person.
00:30:56Come on.
00:30:58Both of you?
00:31:00Fine.
00:31:01I'll go.
00:31:02Okay, because I have to go number two.
00:31:05Fine.
00:31:06We'll flip for it.
00:31:07Heads.
00:31:18Hey.
00:31:21Um, you can have a little bit of dignity anyhow.
00:31:26Let's see what else.
00:31:35That'll help a little, but you've got to give me the mercy flush.
00:31:38What?
00:31:39Just as soon as it, you know, hits the water, just get rid of it.
00:31:44Flush it.
00:31:44Now, it's not the time for water conservation.
00:31:49Okay.
00:31:50Let's see.
00:31:51She normally has a lavender.
00:31:56People have lavender spray.
00:31:59So, you do that, and I'll use these.
00:32:06That'll, uh, mask any of, uh, maybe turn on the shower.
00:32:14Why?
00:32:15Just to cover up any noises.
00:32:18Okay.
00:32:23Okay.
00:32:24Good.
00:32:26Uh, do you feel good?
00:32:27Uh, yeah.
00:32:28Okay.
00:32:29Um, then get to it, I guess.
00:32:34My name's not Doug, just so you know.
00:32:46Doesn't matter what my real name is, I just don't like Doug.
00:32:51Don't want you thinking of me as a Doug.
00:32:53Um, we actually probably have stuff in common.
00:33:04Friends, maybe, even, like, the point is, it's a small world.
00:33:11That's all I'm saying.
00:33:16Hey, the system's working well, though, isn't it?
00:33:19I haven't, I wouldn't even know that yet.
00:33:23Are you guys okay in there?
00:33:28Orwell.
00:33:31Stay there!
00:33:32Don't hurt him!
00:33:33You fuckers are letting me go!
00:33:35Okay, yes, just stay calm!
00:33:36I am calm!
00:33:37I will calmly choke your friend to death!
00:33:40No, no, no, don't, no, look, look, he's fading!
00:33:42He's just, just let us out, and we'll go away, and it'll be like this never happened!
00:33:46Okay, all right, just let me go!
00:33:48Okay, yes, just let us out!
00:33:50Okay!
00:33:51Wait, what?
00:33:52Let you out?
00:33:52What are you talking about?
00:33:53The alarm!
00:33:54Just let us out, and we'll be fucking gone!
00:33:56The alarm's off!
00:33:57No, we armed it!
00:33:58It was an accident, so just type in the code, and we'll be gone, and that's that, I swear!
00:34:05Come on, come on, come on!
00:34:07I saw, I saw clouds, people made of clouds, and they were going...
00:34:12It's okay, it's okay, you're all right, you're all right, we're getting out of here!
00:34:16You armed it?
00:34:17I was establishing a pattern!
00:34:18I was establishing a pattern!
00:34:19What's wrong?
00:34:23I don't know the code.
00:34:26I don't know the code.
00:34:27Why not?
00:34:28Why not?
00:34:29I'm not the house sitter.
00:34:33Why would a pet need a taxi?
00:34:35It's a thing, okay?
00:34:36People want to get their dogs to the groomers, or off to the kennel before they go away.
00:34:45One percenters, man.
00:34:46Yeah.
00:34:47They will throw down for their pets.
00:34:49It's crazy.
00:34:50I don't mean that like a figure of speech, I mean like...
00:34:53I've seen a dog with a collar that cost 500 bucks.
00:34:56Can you believe that shit?
00:34:58500 American for a dog collar!
00:35:01So you pick up the dog and take it to the kennel.
00:35:04Why would they give you a key?
00:35:06They didn't.
00:35:07Hide a rock?
00:35:08What?
00:35:09How did you get in?
00:35:11I picked the lock.
00:35:13You okay?
00:35:17Sorry, it's just...
00:35:20It's really cool.
00:35:24What's your deal?
00:35:27She has a dog.
00:35:30I've always wanted a dog, but she wouldn't let us.
00:35:34Now?
00:35:35Fucking dog?
00:35:37Wait.
00:35:38Do you guys know these people?
00:35:40His ex-fiancee.
00:35:41Shut up!
00:35:42That is crazier than a $500 dog collar.
00:35:47No, it's not.
00:35:48I'm just here to get back my engagement ring.
00:35:51Wait, she kept the ring?
00:35:53What a cunt.
00:35:55Hey!
00:35:56Whoa!
00:35:57No!
00:35:58She is not a cunt.
00:35:59Are you sure about that?
00:36:00Because that's a straight up cunt move.
00:36:01Yes, I'm sure.
00:36:03Pretty sure.
00:36:05Okay, so don't take this the wrong way,
00:36:07but I'm not really getting a master cat burglar vibe from you guys.
00:36:11You don't know us.
00:36:12I know that you turned on the security system somehow.
00:36:16I was establishing a pattern.
00:36:18How did you know it wasn't armed in the first place, huh?
00:36:21You just waltz in, pick the lock.
00:36:23That's reckless.
00:36:24Because I saw them not arm it.
00:36:26I came to pick up the dog.
00:36:28They were hustling about.
00:36:30He was like, uh, do you need to put anything in the spot?
00:36:32And she was like, um, my laptop.
00:36:34And then he was like, uh, it's already in there.
00:36:36And then they left, locked the door, no alarm.
00:36:39Something I look for.
00:36:42Something you look for?
00:36:43Yeah.
00:36:44Why?
00:36:45So I don't get arrested.
00:36:47Wait, this is like a thing you do?
00:36:50Yeah.
00:36:51I mean, they're gone.
00:36:52My apartment's a dump.
00:36:54And they've got laundry and HBO.
00:36:56It's like a fucking resort in these places.
00:37:00Relaxing.
00:37:07Until now.
00:37:08Now it's all stressful.
00:37:10Now I need a drink.
00:37:12Where are you going?
00:37:13Wine.
00:37:14Wait, uh, we need to figure out how we're going to get out.
00:37:17Okay, they're not going to be home for a couple of days.
00:37:19I believe I have time for a glass of wine.
00:37:27In the old days, that alarm code would have been our anniversary.
00:37:32Did you guys have an alarm in that shitty apartment?
00:37:34God, no.
00:37:35But she used our anniversary for everything.
00:37:38It was her PIN number, her bank password.
00:37:42If we hadn't broken up, I could have gotten us out of here.
00:37:45If you hadn't broken up, we wouldn't be here.
00:37:47Even better.
00:37:48It's like she's still finding new ways to hurt me.
00:37:53What are you looking for?
00:37:55The dusty ones.
00:37:56They've been keeping those the longest, so that means they're good.
00:37:59Then you just pack out the bottle.
00:38:01They assume that they drank it and forgot.
00:38:03I mean, that's the beauty of booze.
00:38:05Makes things fuzzy.
00:38:09What'd you get?
00:38:10Zinfando.
00:38:11Ah, Primitivo.
00:38:13That's its other name.
00:38:17You learn.
00:38:18Sangiovese.
00:38:20Sangiovese.
00:38:21Blood of Jove.
00:38:23It's the only grape named after a god.
00:38:27That's good.
00:38:29Come on, let us go be gods.
00:38:31I stole money from the collection plate at church.
00:38:43I told a guy that I was pregnant and let him believe it for three days.
00:38:48I kissed my step-mom.
00:38:50She was asleep.
00:38:52Did she wake up?
00:38:54Yeah.
00:38:56Okay, you win.
00:38:58Do I though?
00:38:59No.
00:39:00Oh!
00:39:02Hey!
00:39:03Mmm!
00:39:04Mmm!
00:39:05Mmm!
00:39:06This is tasty.
00:39:07Which?
00:39:08Ah, le bouffe la pape.
00:39:10The, uh, French.
00:39:12Oh, uh, sorry.
00:39:13What's your name?
00:39:14Marlon.
00:39:15Marlon.
00:39:16Marlon.
00:39:17It's the other one.
00:39:18Wait, Marlon?
00:39:19Yeah.
00:39:20Like the fish?
00:39:21No, like Marlon Brando.
00:39:22Oh.
00:39:23That's funny.
00:39:24I never think of the fish with him.
00:39:25I guess because it's never just Marlon, it's Marlon Brando.
00:39:29What's your last name?
00:39:30It's, uh...
00:39:31Don't tell her your last name.
00:39:32You shouldn't have told her your first name.
00:39:33I told you mine.
00:39:34Did you?
00:39:35Yes, it's Darcy.
00:39:36Is it?
00:39:37The fuck, dude?
00:39:38Yes.
00:39:39Why would I lie about that?
00:39:40Because you're a liar.
00:39:41Because you break into people's houses.
00:39:42That's not trustworthy behavior.
00:39:43You guys broke in.
00:39:44No, we used the key.
00:39:46You're robbing the place.
00:39:47No.
00:39:48No.
00:39:49No.
00:39:50No.
00:39:51No.
00:39:52No.
00:39:53No.
00:39:54No.
00:39:55No.
00:39:56No.
00:39:57No.
00:39:58No.
00:39:59Not yet.
00:40:00We haven't taken anything yet.
00:40:01Clearly you intend to.
00:40:03You're going to take that lamp.
00:40:04You've been carrying it around with you from room to room.
00:40:06It's as good as gone.
00:40:07No.
00:40:08We're not taking it.
00:40:09I'm carrying it around to keep him from taking it.
00:40:11So that just goes to show what you know.
00:40:17Did you know Niagara Falls is actually three separate falls?
00:40:20Bridal Veil.
00:40:21Stop it.
00:40:22Jesus.
00:40:23You lug around for all this useless trivia.
00:40:26And for what?
00:40:27Hold on.
00:40:28At least I know real stuff.
00:40:30You're the world's leading expert and a woman that doesn't even love you anymore.
00:40:34So when are you going to put that to good use?
00:40:36When we're back together.
00:40:38It's a cool lamp though.
00:40:39Yeah.
00:40:40Have you ever been?
00:40:41Niagara Falls?
00:40:42It's a lot of water.
00:40:43An impossible amount of water.
00:40:45It's inevitable.
00:40:46It just keeps coming.
00:40:47And the noise.
00:40:48It's...
00:40:49You don't even hear it.
00:40:53It's not like something else anymore.
00:40:54It's just...
00:40:55It's just...
00:40:56It's...
00:40:57It's the only thing there is.
00:40:58It's the only thing there is.
00:41:03It's terrifying.
00:41:04It's terrifying.
00:41:05It's terrifying.
00:41:06It's...
00:41:07It's...
00:41:08It's...
00:41:09It's...
00:41:10It's...
00:41:11It's...
00:41:12It's...
00:41:13It's...
00:41:14It's...
00:41:15It's...
00:41:16It's...
00:41:17It's...
00:41:18It's...
00:41:19It's...
00:41:20It's...
00:41:21It's the only thing there is.
00:41:22It's terrifying.
00:41:32It's terrifying.
00:41:39And someone holds your hand.
00:41:43and your skin, and the air, and this noise, it's everything, you know, everything, you've
00:42:04got it all in your hand.
00:42:13It's the happiest we ever were, and she's kept me here with her, you see?
00:42:25So I'm staying, the lamp stays.
00:42:34I'm going to look for that key.
00:42:53So your folks, Marlon Brando fans?
00:42:57Marlon Jackson.
00:43:00The Jackson Five.
00:43:03That's, uh, not, Michael, Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, Michael, Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, Marlon.
00:43:20You should never tell anybody that ever again.
00:43:33We all know what we already know.
00:43:36We all know what we already know.
00:43:50We all know what we already know.
00:44:06And we all know what we already know.
00:44:19Hey, hey.
00:44:21Hey, hey, hey.
00:44:25Hey, hey, hey.
00:44:33And we all know nothing we already know.
00:44:40Hey.
00:44:55I was just trying it on what it's nice I just see Jessica's I don't care you
00:45:12shouldn't take it looks nice on you
00:45:17did you find anything no I just thought five years we were together maybe there'd be one picture of me
00:45:31well maybe he's the jealous type I mean dudes don't really want to see photos of ex-boyfriends
00:45:37lying around ex-fiance even worse
00:45:40she's pretty look at this guy his face is too big for his head
00:45:51so yeah he definitely doesn't want to see photos of you
00:45:55that's the kind of guy who names his dog Fido
00:46:00what yeah they named their dog Fido no shit like straight out of a comic book or something
00:46:08that was my name
00:46:11wait so it's not Doug
00:46:13that's what I was going to name our dog she wouldn't let us get
00:46:16I always told her wouldn't that be funny
00:46:18it's like everyone thinks of that as a dog's name
00:46:21but no one actually names their dog that
00:46:24here Fido
00:46:25it'd be fucking hilarious
00:46:27it'd be a unique cliche
00:46:32in canine form
00:46:34see
00:46:36you get it
00:46:39hello beautiful
00:47:03that motherfucker's got a dog named Fido and he doesn't even know why
00:47:08dumb shit
00:47:09yeah oh maybe you don't have any pictures of me in your house
00:47:12but you're running around saying
00:47:14here Fido come Fido
00:47:17might as well be balls deep in your old lady man
00:47:20he's your cuckold
00:47:21what's that
00:47:23it's where one guy watches the other guy have sex with his girl
00:47:27and likes it
00:47:28that's a thing
00:47:29yeah
00:47:30don't judge
00:47:33it's too easy
00:47:34you know
00:47:35you find something that makes you feel good
00:47:37that's hard to come by
00:47:39when you choked me
00:47:45yeah I'm sorry about that
00:47:47it's okay
00:47:48I just
00:47:49right at the end there
00:47:56just as I was starting to black out
00:48:00it was the most euphoric thing I've ever felt in my life
00:48:07it was the most euphoric thing I've ever felt in my life
00:48:42You found the computer.
00:48:52I did.
00:48:53Why are you wearing a robe?
00:48:56Because Jessica's fiance has terrible toilet aim.
00:48:59I can't find the code, by the way.
00:49:02I've been looking for hours.
00:49:04Found a lot of other stuff, but no alarm code.
00:49:09What have you been up to?
00:49:10I fell asleep, the wine, you know.
00:49:15Is this all the jewelry you found?
00:49:17Why, do you want to add it to the jewelry you found?
00:49:20No, it's just, um, my ring's not here.
00:49:24Maybe she got rid of it.
00:49:27What's that mean?
00:49:29You know, sold it, gave it away, threw it in the ocean.
00:49:32Why, why, why, what's this?
00:49:40Diary.
00:49:41Jessica's?
00:49:42Yeah.
00:49:44How do you know?
00:49:45Did you read it?
00:49:46I'm looking for the code.
00:49:50Morning.
00:49:52Morning.
00:49:52Anyone want breakfast?
00:49:54I'm buying.
00:49:55I'm buying.
00:49:55I'm not in here at all.
00:50:01I noticed that.
00:50:03I mean, I didn't expect to be on every page, but maybe one mention would be nice.
00:50:07Oh, I thought of Leo today, in passing.
00:50:10He's a person that I remember.
00:50:14Yep.
00:50:15Some people just aren't much for history.
00:50:18Hold on.
00:50:19There's got to be at least one.
00:50:26You look stressed.
00:50:27You want some tomato juice?
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:30Did I tell you that?
00:50:31Tell me what?
00:50:32That tomato juice calms me down.
00:50:35Come on, man.
00:50:38Oh.
00:50:3911-11.
00:50:40104,900 dollars.
00:50:49That's what we're up to.
00:50:50It's been 525 days since our last winner.
00:50:54Twice a day, every day at 11-11.
00:50:56We pose the impossible question.
00:50:58And the good, kind folks at Black Bear Market.
00:51:01Add another $100 to the kitty.
00:51:03Call with the answer within 22 seconds, and that kitty's all yours.
00:51:07It would be so simple, if it weren't impossible.
00:51:11So, phones at the ready, here it comes.
00:51:15Other than Elvis Presley, who outlived it?
00:51:18Turn it off!
00:51:20Turn it off!
00:51:21Turn it off!
00:51:22What the fuck?
00:51:23What the fuck is wrong with you people?
00:51:2610 seconds left.
00:51:26Shh!
00:51:27Other than Elvis Presley, who outlived his twin brother at childbirth,
00:51:31and went on to have four number one singles in one calendar year?
00:51:35Marlon Jackson!
00:51:35It's Marlon Jackson!
00:51:36It's Ringing!
00:51:42And time's up!
00:51:44Fuck!
00:51:45Oh, shit!
00:51:46The answer?
00:51:47Marlon Jackson of the Jackson 5.
00:51:51Marlon's twin brother Brandon died at childbirth,
00:51:54and the Jackson 5 had four number one hits in 1970.
00:51:57I want you back, ABC, the love you save,
00:52:01and I'll be there.
00:52:03They're coming home.
00:52:07Where are they now?
00:52:14I don't know.
00:52:15She posted this an hour ago.
00:52:16Headed home early.
00:52:18I wonder what happened.
00:52:19Who cares?
00:52:20Why are you creeping on her Facebook like that?
00:52:23I'm not creep...
00:52:24That's irrelevant to the situation, okay?
00:52:27They're coming home.
00:52:28Here, now.
00:52:30Where were they?
00:52:30I don't know.
00:52:32Hawaii.
00:52:33Creeper.
00:52:34Don't...
00:52:34All right.
00:52:36You're the creeper.
00:52:37Always breaking into houses,
00:52:39trying on people's lives,
00:52:41because you don't like your own.
00:52:43My life is fine.
00:52:45I just do it for the thrill.
00:52:47Well, I had a real life once,
00:52:52and it was pretty fucking thrilling.
00:52:57Okay.
00:52:58Look.
00:52:59Hawaii is a long flight.
00:53:01They have to get their baggage.
00:53:03There's the cab ride.
00:53:04We've got some time.
00:53:06To do what?
00:53:07We either get caught by her,
00:53:08or we trip the alarm and get caught by the cops.
00:53:11I choose the cops.
00:53:12Are you serious?
00:53:13If we get caught by her,
00:53:15she's going to call the cops.
00:53:16It all ends in cops.
00:53:18Not if we talk our way out of it.
00:53:19How am I going to talk my way out of it?
00:53:21She knows me.
00:53:22Intimately.
00:53:23Oh, so am I like,
00:53:24hey, Jessica,
00:53:26what are you doing here?
00:53:26We're just trying to rob this place.
00:53:28Small world after all, huh?
00:53:30Okay, so we hide you,
00:53:31and the fish and I do the talking.
00:53:33Actually, she knows me, too.
00:53:37She hates me.
00:53:38Okay, so we hide both of you.
00:53:44Fine.
00:53:45So, say that you spin a real silver-tongued yarn,
00:53:48and they let you go.
00:53:50How do we get out?
00:53:53I don't care.
00:54:01She is not a good person.
00:54:03I mean, I know it's not easy to be a good person
00:54:05when times are tough,
00:54:06but that's how you know if you're a good person
00:54:08in the first place, you know?
00:54:11Yeah, I do.
00:54:13That, I used to say...
00:54:15I know exactly what you mean.
00:54:19Let's go make a plan.
00:54:22We dig.
00:54:23Under and out.
00:54:24I don't think we have that kind of time.
00:54:27Okay.
00:54:28Um, we set a fire.
00:54:31Where?
00:54:32In the house.
00:54:33In the fireplace?
00:54:34No, we set the house on fire.
00:54:37Lots of smoke, confusion,
00:54:39and then we slip away under the, uh, cover of chaos.
00:54:43Or we die in a terrible house fire.
00:54:47Okay.
00:54:50Then, same idea, no fire.
00:54:54What's a fireless fire?
00:54:55We just go.
00:54:57Trip the alarm and, uh, hide in the trees.
00:55:00Okay.
00:55:01Cops come, look around, think it's a false alarm,
00:55:04and then, uh, we get out of here.
00:55:07All right, that's progress, but we're still inside the gate.
00:55:11The whole community is fenced in.
00:55:13We're like zoo animals.
00:55:15So we just climb the fence.
00:55:17Okay, uh, if we can, that would put us inside another gated community.
00:55:27Ah, I, who are these people trying to protect themselves from?
00:55:32Each other?
00:55:33Are there marauding gangs of Volvo drivers we don't know about?
00:55:36You need the code.
00:55:39I've looked everywhere.
00:55:40Well, maybe it's in the garage, that lockbox.
00:55:42No.
00:55:44You found the key?
00:55:46No, it wasn't, um, with the other keys.
00:55:51I haven't seen it, so it probably just, you know.
00:55:54Just what?
00:55:58Um.
00:56:00Well, might as well look for it.
00:56:03It might be our only hope.
00:56:04Yeah.
00:56:06Okay.
00:56:14What are you doing?
00:56:15If we open the doors of the rooms we've already searched,
00:56:18then we know we've already been there.
00:56:19We're looking for a tiny key or a four-digit code.
00:56:22You think you searched these rooms well enough to just walk away?
00:56:24I'm working in broad strokes.
00:56:26Okay, fine.
00:56:27I don't...
00:56:28Oh, what the fuck?
00:56:31Watch the door.
00:56:32What the fuck is going on?
00:56:33Who did this?
00:56:35No, no, no, no.
00:56:35How did they get in here?
00:56:36No, no, no.
00:56:37What the fuck is going on here?
00:56:39Just leave it.
00:56:40Leave me.
00:56:40We're not going to leave you.
00:56:41I'll be fine.
00:56:42Just worry about yourself.
00:56:43Who did this?
00:56:43How did they get in?
00:56:44Nobody.
00:56:45Who?
00:56:45How many?
00:56:46Nobody did it.
00:56:46There's nobody here.
00:56:48There's nobody here.
00:56:51No.
00:56:54Then who tied you up?
00:56:55I did.
00:56:59So you were just going to sell us up the river.
00:57:07Don't get pissed off at me just because I had a plan.
00:57:09How'd you tie yourself up like that?
00:57:11That's not the point, Marlon.
00:57:12She picks locks.
00:57:14She ties herself up in elaborate knots.
00:57:16You don't find that a curious skill set for a dog walker?
00:57:18I'm not a dog walker.
00:57:20See?
00:57:20They show up.
00:57:21You're gagged and bound.
00:57:23So you're just a fellow victim of this senseless crime.
00:57:27You're the ones who locked us in.
00:57:28I'm just looking for a way out.
00:57:31Devious.
00:57:32Very, very devious.
00:57:34Why are your clothes off?
00:57:36It was just one idea.
00:57:37Probably not the best one.
00:57:38Can we just move on?
00:57:40Why are they ripped?
00:57:41Again, the clock is ticking.
00:57:43Let's not waste time reliving past mistakes.
00:57:50If I needed to, and only if they were not buying my story,
00:57:54I might have had to go with more of a sexual assault angle.
00:58:01What?
00:58:03Devious, dirty little...
00:58:05Looking at it from your perspective,
00:58:07I can see how that was probably too far.
00:58:10Probably.
00:58:12Definitely.
00:58:12Definitely too far.
00:58:14And I'm so glad it didn't come to that.
00:58:16You know, there are always, like, a couple clunkers
00:58:18when you're brainstorming.
00:58:19What?
00:58:19We weren't brainstorming.
00:58:20You were setting us up for charges of kidnapping,
00:58:23assault and battery, and rape.
00:58:26And burglary.
00:58:27That doesn't concern me right now.
00:58:28Well, that's where we're back to.
00:58:30Burglary.
00:58:31I haven't taken anything, so...
00:58:33breaking and entering, maybe.
00:58:35We didn't break anything.
00:58:37We used the key.
00:58:39We did stay in the rug, but that's not technically broken.
00:58:42The point is, we're in trouble.
00:58:46But trouble is just an opportunity that got turned around.
00:58:49Am I right?
00:58:50Yeah.
00:58:51What kind of fortune cookie bullshit is that?
00:58:54That's not bullshit.
00:58:55That is solid, deep thinking.
00:58:59Hey, Fish.
00:59:00You know where you found everything else?
00:59:03What about it?
00:59:04Are you sure you didn't miss anything?
00:59:07Yes, I'm sure I didn't miss anything.
00:59:09I don't need the accusations, thank you very much.
00:59:13Worth looking at, though.
00:59:14Why are you taking her side?
00:59:17I'm not taking anyone's side.
00:59:18I'm just saying it's worth double checking.
00:59:22Ugh.
00:59:23That's fucked up.
00:59:30I can't feel anything.
00:59:32Told you.
00:59:32Get way back in there.
00:59:34I am.
00:59:35Maybe we should get a flashlight.
00:59:36Is there a flashlight in any...
00:59:37What is this?
00:59:40Nothing.
00:59:41It's not what you're thinking.
00:59:42What do I think it is?
00:59:43I don't know.
00:59:44Eric.
00:59:45Fuck.
00:59:45Fuck.
00:59:55I just didn't think you needed a distraction.
01:00:00We're trying to get out of here, you know, so I...
01:00:10Holy shit.
01:00:12Sometimes I wake up and think Leo is there in the bed beside me, and my heart sinks when
01:00:18I realize...
01:00:20He used to say trouble is just an opportunity that got turned around, but I don't know if
01:00:25I'll ever get turned back around.
01:00:26Poor Carl walked in on me crying during a documentary about Niagara Falls.
01:00:31Everything, every feeling was still right there.
01:00:33I wish I could just have a tomato juice and calm down.
01:00:36It worked for Leo.
01:00:37I'd have to drink it by the gallon at this.
01:00:39Things got tough with Leo, and I wasn't a good person.
01:00:44So maybe I was never a good person in the first place.
01:00:47I know that now.
01:00:48Why would she cut out the pages of her own?
01:01:01All that time with Jessica, I never...
01:01:03She dumped you.
01:01:08Left.
01:01:10But I'm still here.
01:01:11Always.
01:01:12We've been talking about this heist for forever, and...
01:01:16You know, a little bit of excitement.
01:01:17Doing our own thing.
01:01:18Some teamwork.
01:01:19But...
01:01:20Now it's just the same shit.
01:01:21You had Jessica, now you have her.
01:01:22Her.
01:01:23She's gonna tell the cops that I raped her.
01:01:24I believe I apologized.
01:01:25This is the whole reason that we broke in here.
01:01:26No, it's the whole reason you broke in here.
01:01:27This is crazy.
01:01:28This...
01:01:29This changes everything.
01:01:30She's...
01:01:31I know the code.
01:01:32What?
01:01:33What?
01:01:34What?
01:01:35What?
01:01:36What?
01:01:37What?
01:01:38What?
01:01:39What?
01:01:40What?
01:01:41What?
01:01:42What?
01:01:43What?
01:01:44What?
01:01:45What?
01:01:46What?
01:01:47What?
01:01:48I know the code.
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I know the code.
01:01:51It's our anniversary.
01:01:52No, you don't know.
01:01:53No, I know.
01:01:54No, you don't know.
01:01:55No, I know.
01:01:56No, you don't know.
01:01:57You're gonna fuck around and get us all arrested just cause you read some cotton candy thoughts
01:02:01in her little girl diary.
01:02:02But you don't know the code.
01:02:03Okay.
01:02:04Now...
01:02:05We haven't been at our best.
01:02:06Any of us.
01:02:07And maybe someday, we'll all sit down, break bread.
01:02:10And have our apologies and tender moments and what not and that'll be nice.
01:02:11I'm sure.
01:02:12But right now, this is over.
01:02:13I'm getting us out of here.
01:02:14Because I know.
01:02:15There.
01:02:16Now let's go.
01:02:17and have our apologies and tender moments and what not and that'll be nice, I'm sure.
01:02:22But right now, this is over.
01:02:26I'm getting us out of here.
01:02:28Because I know.
01:02:40There.
01:02:43Now let's go.
01:02:45Fuck!
01:02:49Let's go! We gotta run! Hide in the bushes!
01:02:51I don't understand.
01:02:52We're fucked! We run! Let's go!
01:02:54Wait!
01:02:55We have to stay!
01:02:57What are you, nuts?
01:02:58No, there's only one way out!
01:03:00Yeah, the door! Let's go!
01:03:01No, it's not the door!
01:03:04It's him.
01:03:05He's right.
01:03:08He knows.
01:03:15Hello?
01:03:16This is the police!
01:03:29Hello?
01:03:33Hello?
01:03:40This is the police!
01:03:42Oh, oh!
01:03:43Oh, thank God!
01:03:44Hi!
01:03:45Hi!
01:03:46Hi!
01:03:48Hi!
01:03:50Hi!
01:03:51Hi!
01:03:52Oh! Oh! Oh, thank God. Honey! Honey, the security guard's here!
01:04:15Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:04:17What?
01:04:18I'm so sorry about this.
01:04:20Kill the alarm. I'm on the scene.
01:04:25Hold the backup. Stand by.
01:04:29Oh.
01:04:30Oh, God. Thank you.
01:04:32I'm sorry. I misplaced a little slip of paper that my sister wrote the code on for me.
01:04:40So, God, that alarm is such a pain sometimes.
01:04:44Yeah. Sometimes.
01:04:46You said Ms. Deavers is your sister?
01:04:52That's right.
01:04:55That's me.
01:04:56And my sister, Jessica.
01:04:59The homeowner with our younger sister, Carla, and Mom and Dad.
01:05:04It's a Virginia city. Have you ever been?
01:05:08Nope.
01:05:09Oh, it's a thing to see. Just like you'd have pictured the Old West have been. Like, it's a lot of fun.
01:05:17Well, I'll have to check that out sometime.
01:05:20You'll have to take me. God, he talks about it all the time, but we've never gone.
01:05:24Well, you know, you get busy.
01:05:29I've met your folks before.
01:05:32Yeah, your dad.
01:05:35Randy.
01:05:36Yeah. Randy.
01:05:39He helped me out. I was having some trouble with the gate.
01:05:44Oh, I bet he loved that.
01:05:45He's so good with those sorts of things.
01:05:48He should have been a mechanic or maybe a surgeon, even. Anything but insurance.
01:05:53Yeah. Well, yeah, he fixed it right up, so. And your mom made these, uh...
01:05:59I hope it was the lemon bars.
01:06:02Yeah, that's right.
01:06:02Lucky. Those are the only things she knows how to make.
01:06:06Well, they were good, so.
01:06:08You know, you dodged a bullet.
01:06:10Seriously. I've never seen a woman make more of a disaster of snickerdoodles.
01:06:15It's terrible, but you have to eat them.
01:06:18I don't remember you folks coming in.
01:06:21Oh, you know, I think the, uh, the other gentleman was working.
01:06:26Leslie?
01:06:27Oh, I don't...
01:06:28Um...
01:06:30Yeah, he did work the day shift.
01:06:34Normally, he lets me know if we have visitors.
01:06:36Yeah, well, well, if there's some paperwork they were supposed to fill out or something,
01:06:40we'd be happy to do it.
01:06:41No, you know, just normally people let us know if they're gonna have guests while they're away.
01:06:47Well, Jessica, details aren't really her thing.
01:06:51But she just told us to get out of the city for a couple days and, you know, spend some quiet time together.
01:06:56We just got engaged.
01:07:00Well, congratulations!
01:07:01Yeah, thank you.
01:07:02That's fantastic.
01:07:03Thanks.
01:07:04Phone's ready.
01:07:05Here it comes.
01:07:07What is the only varietal of grape that is actually named after a god?
01:07:12Can we get you something to eat?
01:07:19Oh god, I'd offer you some soup, but that darn alarm went off and...
01:07:25God, it surprised me.
01:07:27Uh, maybe some pretzels or chips or ravioli?
01:07:34Some people don't like eating it out of the can, but it reminds me of growing up.
01:07:38Uh, no. I'm good. Thank you.
01:07:41Oh, I'm told we have a caller and just in time.
01:07:44Hello? Are you ready to reveal the impossible?
01:07:47Yes. It's Sangio Facey.
01:07:50Uh, I'm sorry. You need to speak up, please.
01:07:53It's Sangio Facey.
01:07:56That's correct!
01:07:57Oh, that is... some people have all the luck, huh?
01:08:09Man, I bet that guy's partying hard wherever he is.
01:08:12Huh, no doubt.
01:08:14Congratulations, you've just won $105,000.
01:08:18What's your name?
01:08:19Marlon.
01:08:20Like the fish?
01:08:22Yeah. Yeah, I like the fish.
01:08:32Oh, well, apologies again for causing all the ruckus, you know?
01:08:36No problem at all. Happens all the time.
01:08:39These alarms are more trouble than they're worth.
01:08:42I mean, to be honest, it's kind of a letdown.
01:08:44Just once I want to come in, guns a-blazin', have it out with some scumbags.
01:08:48We can dream though, right?
01:08:51Yeah, have a good night.
01:08:52Oh, shit.
01:08:54Sorry, guys.
01:08:57I just got to go by the book with this kind of stuff.
01:09:00Of course.
01:09:02I just need you to tell me the safe word.
01:09:05Rutavega.
01:09:06Sorry, that's our safe word.
01:09:09Ah, sorry, overshare.
01:09:11Honey, um, uh, safe word?
01:09:15Yeah, you know, the word you're supposed to know when you're in the house.
01:09:20Just clears that you're actually allowed to be here.
01:09:22Mm-hmm.
01:09:26You can call your sister if you need to, that's fine.
01:09:41One word you say.
01:09:43Yeah.
01:09:45Honey.
01:09:53You know.
01:10:08Niagara.
01:10:09That's the one.
01:10:15You guys have a good night.
01:10:16Oh, you too.
01:10:17Oh, hey, um, you can leave that open.
01:10:20We're going to head to the store in a second.
01:10:22Start over with that soup.
01:10:24The soup, yeah.
01:10:26Sounds good to me.
01:10:27Let's get the fuck out of here.
01:10:36Fish, did you hear that shit?
01:10:51Let's go.
01:10:51$105,000.
01:10:53Congratulations.
01:10:54Let's go.
01:10:54Let's load these up.
01:10:55No time.
01:10:56What about the pizza?
01:10:57What?
01:10:58Our ride?
01:10:59I have my car.
01:11:00Go, go, go.
01:11:01Hold on, let me make room for you.
01:11:05You leave anything there?
01:11:19No.
01:11:21No, wait.
01:11:23Ow.
01:11:23Ow.
01:11:24Good-bye.
01:11:44Bye.
01:12:06Chocolate chip pancakes?
01:12:09Those sound amazing.
01:12:11Yeah, people like them.
01:12:12You know what, we might be one percenters.
01:12:15Almost.
01:12:16You know, collectively, our forces combined.
01:12:18But with this kind of seed money,
01:12:21we could plan a proper job.
01:12:23You know, we're experienced now.
01:12:25We can go big.
01:12:26Something with grappling hooks.
01:12:28Or go all D.B. Cooper.
01:12:29Fucking legends.
01:12:31Maybe we could just get a little breakfast first,
01:12:33and then see...
01:12:35Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
01:12:37Breakfast is on me, by the way.
01:12:39Oh.
01:12:40Huh.
01:12:42I should give this to that guy.
01:12:44I'll get this one.
01:12:47I owe Darcy a breakfast anyhow.
01:12:52Okay, so now that we're all, um...
01:12:55It's actually Kate.
01:12:57My name.
01:13:01Devious.
01:13:02Where are you gonna put that lamp?
01:13:05Craigslist.
01:13:08It's our only score from the job.
01:13:10Well...
01:13:12And this.
01:13:14What?
01:13:15That's crazy!
01:13:17Man, do they have celebration items on a breakfast menu?
01:13:20What would that be, like an enormous pile of bacon?
01:13:23We're going places, I'll tell you that.
01:13:26Non-tropical places.
01:13:27I'm standing my ground on that issue.
01:13:29But everything else is open.
01:13:30Because you gotta keep yourself open to new things.
01:13:32Keep it fresh.
01:13:34Otherwise you get stuck.
01:13:36I mean, you can't make a plan to know about something
01:13:38that you don't already know about.
01:13:41Hold up.
01:13:42That's fucking wisdom right there.
01:13:44Yeah?
01:13:46I just know it.
01:13:47You totally don't.
01:13:48You still don't.
01:13:49I don't.
01:13:50But I don't want to take place.
01:13:51The people in this room are not known as the world.
01:13:52Are you still there?
01:13:54No?
01:13:54No.
01:13:55No, no.
01:13:56No, no.
01:13:57No, no, no.
01:13:59No, no, no.
01:14:00Yeah.
01:14:01No, no, no.
01:14:02No, no.
01:14:03No, no, no.
01:14:04No, no.
01:14:07No, no.
01:14:08No, no, no.
01:14:10No, no.
01:14:12No, no, no.
01:14:13No, no.
01:14:14No, no, no.
01:14:15No, no, no.
01:14:16Me and my friends are doing fine
01:14:22Me and my friends are doing fine
01:14:29Just like the water falling down to the rocks
01:14:38It never stops, the falling water never stops
01:14:43The water falling down to the rocks
01:15:13The water falling down to the rocks
01:15:30Every day just takes and takes
01:15:36And turns into the same mistakes
01:15:41And every day the same mistakes
01:15:48And every day the same mistakes
01:15:52The same mistakes and then a break
01:15:56Me and my friends are doing fine
01:16:03Me and my friends are doing fine
01:16:10Just like the water falling down to the rocks
01:16:19It never stops, the falling water never stops
01:16:24This wall will ever change
01:16:28I hope you find this way
01:16:31I'm not sure what's going on
01:16:32Anyone hope you don't want to do fine
01:16:33I'm not sure what's going on
01:16:34The same mistakes and then a break
01:16:35I want to sweep you
01:16:36I want toa
01:16:37You got a break
01:16:37What's going on
01:16:38I want to meet you
01:16:38I want to eat you
01:16:40I want to know
01:16:40I want to know
01:16:42The same их回來
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