- 5 weeks ago
Rented a Billionaire Husband for Christmas🎄-Free Movie&Full Episodes
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00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:11All right, it's about that time.
00:00:13So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:15Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:24Hi!
00:00:25Just pay him on.
00:00:26Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:32Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:00:56You have a cute scar.
00:00:58It's just my birthmark.
00:01:01Do you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:05I don't want you to stop.
00:01:06I don't want you to stop.
00:01:21I don't want you to stop.
00:01:33I was so drunk last night.
00:01:40I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:45I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:53Happy New Year.
00:01:54Sam, it's me.
00:01:55Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:58I don't care how.
00:01:59Just do it.
00:02:00I will find you.
00:02:03Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:10Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:13I need grandkids.
00:02:14I need you to...
00:02:15Message received, Mom.
00:02:17I need to go now.
00:02:18I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:28Seven years.
00:02:30Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:32And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:33Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:43Boss, it's been years.
00:02:48I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:50Your vest, sir.
00:02:51But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:02:54She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:56Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:57And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:03:00We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:03Good.
00:03:05Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:06Hi.
00:03:07I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:17Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:23Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:26It's just for Christmas.
00:03:27But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy?
00:03:30Where's my real one?
00:03:32Uh.
00:03:38I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:40Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:41Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:04:11I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:28Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:31She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:35You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:38So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:43Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:44What's your name?
00:04:46Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:48Max, Aurelius.
00:04:50Eva.
00:04:51I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:55I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:58I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:07$1,000 an hour?
00:05:09Well, yeah.
00:05:11It's $500 a day.
00:05:13Is that enough?
00:05:14That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:16What, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:18That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:20You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:22Look, my requirements are simple.
00:05:24Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one
00:05:28big happy family.
00:05:29And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:36So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:39Fine.
00:05:40But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:44Okay.
00:05:45Deal.
00:05:46Ready to go get married?
00:06:03Wow.
00:06:04Clean up nice.
00:06:05This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:08Pictures.
00:06:16Yeah, guys, you're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:39Okay.
00:06:42Well, I think we got it.
00:06:44Oh, I need some photos of us together, too, to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:50and have a happy family.
00:06:51Yeah, of course.
00:07:03Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:05From my family to you.
00:07:14Bad news, boss.
00:07:16The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:20Wait, she bailed?
00:07:22Then who is...
00:07:23Who is she?
00:07:27Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:30I've got what I need.
00:07:33Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:35I already found someone.
00:07:36Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:45Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:48I should come.
00:07:50Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:53I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:56It'll make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:02Okay, you can come.
00:08:11Let's go.
00:08:12Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:15No, let's go to the bank.
00:08:20Oh, what the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranksters?
00:08:32Thanks again.
00:08:33Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:44So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:52I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:53Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:09:06Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues or?
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no.
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:14It's strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:20What?
00:09:22Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:25I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:31Let's go.
00:09:31Here.
00:09:39What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:44Well, I'm not your woman.
00:09:45And this isn't a real relationship.
00:09:47And I don't want your money.
00:09:48Attention shoppers.
00:09:51All bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies.
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies.
00:09:58I hear this right?
00:09:58They're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go.
00:10:01Go.
00:10:01What are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:06You ready?
00:10:06Yes.
00:10:06Yeah.
00:10:07Just these things.
00:10:07Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:11Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:10:17Oh, great.
00:10:18Yeah.
00:10:18What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:20Will you get a move on?
00:10:22I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:28Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:30Okay, thank you.
00:10:33Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:47Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:53Not the pies.
00:10:54Not the pies.
00:10:55We can just set those on top.
00:10:57Hi, guys.
00:11:02I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:09Of course.
00:11:10Thank you so much.
00:11:11Of course.
00:11:12I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:14She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:16Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:17Just to give it away.
00:11:19Yeah.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:27What?
00:11:28You do that often?
00:11:30As often as I can.
00:11:32We should go.
00:11:37We got to pick up paper.
00:11:41Watch out.
00:11:42You done feeling me up?
00:12:02Shut up.
00:12:04Oh, sorry.
00:12:05I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:07Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:14And don't be late.
00:12:15Harrison Group?
00:12:28Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:31Sort of.
00:12:32Not that I'm judging.
00:12:33I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:39Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:42I think that's respectable.
00:12:43Can we pick another company?
00:12:46No.
00:12:47Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:49And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:50My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:52So, it's perfect.
00:12:57Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:13:01Don't worry.
00:13:02Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:03I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:07Too much.
00:13:13Let's go, Sam.
00:13:29It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:32Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:36It's my daughter's.
00:13:39Daughter's.
00:13:40Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:44Hey, there they are!
00:13:59Hey!
00:14:00Hey, Mommy!
00:14:00Nice to meet you!
00:14:02Aww.
00:14:02Aww.
00:14:03Dad.
00:14:03So glad you made it.
00:14:05Aww.
00:14:05I missed you.
00:14:07So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:11He's coming.
00:14:12Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:14Good, good, good.
00:14:15So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:20When's he arriving?
00:14:22Aww, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:26Poor thing.
00:14:27Not surprising.
00:14:28I mean, she's 30.
00:14:30Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:33Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:39This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:42Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:48We're only worried about you.
00:14:50All these years without a husband.
00:14:53Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:54You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:58And look what happened.
00:14:59She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:03I'm not alone.
00:15:04Mm-hmm.
00:15:05And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:10He's a manager.
00:15:12Manager of what?
00:15:15Trash.
00:15:17Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:21You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:24Actually, he's right here.
00:15:29Oh, wow.
00:15:32Wow.
00:15:32He is really good looking.
00:15:35Oh, must be AI.
00:15:37Mm-hmm.
00:15:38Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:41Fake.
00:15:41That's enough.
00:15:43She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:45Show some respect.
00:15:47Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:15:52him down?
00:15:54Well, guess what?
00:15:55William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:58Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:00That's half a million.
00:16:02Half a million.
00:16:04Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:08And speak of the devil.
00:16:13Willie, you made it.
00:16:15There you are.
00:16:26Oh, look at you now.
00:16:29Living the dream.
00:16:30Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:32Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste
00:16:37manager.
00:16:38So married, huh?
00:16:39Is it serious?
00:16:40That's what marriage is.
00:16:41It's pretty serious.
00:16:42Wow.
00:16:43You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:45Makes sense, though.
00:16:46You not being a hot young thing anymore, dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:56Ugh.
00:16:57A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:59Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:02That's right.
00:17:04Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:08Women love a man in red.
00:17:10Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:13Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:15Don't touch me.
00:17:16Oh, so entitled.
00:17:18Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:22And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:26I mean, look at that car.
00:17:29Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:32Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:36Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:40I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:45My mom would never marry.
00:17:46She already has a husband.
00:17:47He's gonna kick your butt.
00:17:48Is that so?
00:17:49Well then, where is he?
00:17:50Because I don't see him.
00:17:51Does anyone see him?
00:17:53No.
00:17:54Just like I thought.
00:17:55Telling lies just like mommy.
00:17:57That puts you on the naughty list.
00:17:59And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:00Hey.
00:18:01Mommy.
00:18:02Hi.
00:18:03Are you okay?
00:18:04I see your hands.
00:18:05Oh my god.
00:18:06I'm gonna take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:18:07Come on now.
00:18:08Let's go.
00:18:09What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:10How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:11Let me go.
00:18:12Now why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:13How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:17Let me go.
00:18:18Now why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:23Let me go.
00:18:24What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:25How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:26Let me go.
00:18:27Now why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:42Let me go.
00:18:43Let me go.
00:18:44Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:14So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:19:22Alright, it's about that time.
00:19:24So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:19:26Yeah, him.
00:19:34Hi!
00:19:36Just play along.
00:19:37Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:19:43I need your answer!
00:20:07You have a cute scar.
00:20:09It's just my birthmark.
00:20:12If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:20:16I don't want you to stop.
00:20:18I don't want you to stop.
00:20:22I don't want you to stop.
00:20:24I was so drunk last night.
00:20:50I can't remember who I was with.
00:20:54I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:21:04Happy New Year.
00:21:05Sam, it's me.
00:21:06Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:21:09I don't care how, just do it.
00:21:12I will find you.
00:21:17Maximus, can you get married already?
00:21:20Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:21:24I need grandkids.
00:21:25I need you to...
00:21:26Message received, Mom.
00:21:27I need to go now.
00:21:29I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:21:39It's been seven years.
00:21:41Why can't I ever find you?
00:21:42And why do you still haunt me?
00:21:53Still thinking about that girl?
00:21:54Boss, it's been years.
00:21:59I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:22:01Professor, sir?
00:22:02But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:22:05She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:22:07Blonde hair, red top.
00:22:09And sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:22:11We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:22:15Good.
00:22:16Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:22:20Hi.
00:22:22One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:22:23And one hot chocolate.
00:22:26I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:22:29Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:22:35Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:22:37It's just for Christmas.
00:22:38But Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:22:41Where's my real one?
00:22:43Uh...
00:22:49I'll tell you when you're older.
00:22:51Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:23:01Daddy!
00:23:02Yo!
00:23:09Daddy!
00:23:10Yo!
00:23:11I'm sorry.
00:23:12I'm not your dad.
00:23:14No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought.
00:23:17Oh.
00:23:18Mommy, hurry!
00:23:19Your fit Christmas husband has arrived!
00:23:29I asked the agency for an average looking guy.
00:23:32He's gorgeous.
00:23:39Why does it feel so familiar?
00:23:40I feel so familiar.
00:23:42She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:23:44Blonde hair, red top.
00:23:45You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:23:48So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:23:50See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:23:53Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:23:54What's your name?
00:23:55Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:23:57Max.
00:23:58Aurelius.
00:23:59Eva.
00:24:00I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:24:06I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:24:09I guess mom gets her grandkid too.
00:24:12So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour and...
00:24:18$1,000 an hour?
00:24:20Well, yeah.
00:24:21It's $500 a day.
00:24:23Is that enough?
00:24:24That's the most that I can pay you.
00:24:26Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:24:28That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:24:30You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:24:32Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:24:35Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:24:37and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:24:40And then my family will get off my back,
00:24:42so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:24:46So she's getting pressure from her folks too.
00:24:49Fine.
00:24:50But you have to help me get my mom off my case too.
00:24:55Okay.
00:24:56Deal.
00:24:57Ready to go get married?
00:25:00Ready to go get married?
00:25:14Wow.
00:25:15Clean up nice.
00:25:16This is my wedding day, after all.
00:25:18Pictures!
00:25:27Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:25:50Okay.
00:25:52Well, I think we got it.
00:25:55Ooh.
00:25:56I need some photos of us together too.
00:25:58To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:26:00and have a happy family.
00:26:02Yeah.
00:26:03Of course.
00:26:13Happy holidays, Mom.
00:26:15From my family to you.
00:26:17Bad news, boss.
00:26:18The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:26:31Wait, she bailed?
00:26:32Then who is...
00:26:36Who is she?
00:26:38Whatever.
00:26:39It doesn't matter.
00:26:41I've got what I need.
00:26:42Sam, don't worry about it.
00:26:46I already found someone.
00:26:52Okay.
00:26:53Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:26:55Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:26:57Christmas shopping?
00:26:59I should come.
00:27:01Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan,
00:27:04I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:27:07It will make it more believable.
00:27:08Fine.
00:27:12Yeah, fine.
00:27:13Okay.
00:27:14You can come.
00:27:22Let's go.
00:27:23Which mall are we going to?
00:27:24Um, let's go to that one.
00:27:26No, let's go to the bank.
00:27:32What the actual fuck?
00:27:38Sam.
00:27:39Is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:27:43Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:27:50She does kind of look like him.
00:27:55So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:28:00Here, let me get this.
00:28:02I'm gonna love you, Max.
00:28:05Also, I was thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss.
00:28:14Once or twice.
00:28:16In front of them.
00:28:17Okay.
00:28:18Should we use our tongues or?
00:28:20No, no, definitely not.
00:28:22And absolutely no.
00:28:23Sex?
00:28:24Yes.
00:28:26Strictly business.
00:28:28Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
00:28:31What?
00:28:33Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:28:36I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:28:42Let's go.
00:28:49Here.
00:28:50What are you doing?
00:28:51I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:28:54Well, I'm not your woman.
00:28:56And this isn't a real relationship.
00:28:57And I don't want your money.
00:29:01Attention shoppers.
00:29:02All bakery items are now 50% off.
00:29:0450% off pies.
00:29:05Quick.
00:29:06Go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:29:0712 pumpkin pies.
00:29:08I hear this right?
00:29:09They're the best kind.
00:29:10Hurry up and go.
00:29:11Go.
00:29:12What are you standing here for?
00:29:15Hello there.
00:29:16Hi.
00:29:17You ready?
00:29:18Thanks.
00:29:19Okay.
00:29:20Great.
00:29:21We have a holiday special today.
00:29:22Spend $500.
00:29:23Get 10% off.
00:29:24And you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:29:27Oh.
00:29:28Great.
00:29:29Yeah.
00:29:30What do you have that's just $15?
00:29:31Will you get a move on?
00:29:33I just got here.
00:29:35Relax.
00:29:36Yeah.
00:29:37Yeah.
00:29:39Here.
00:29:40This will do the trick.
00:29:41Okay.
00:29:43Hurry up and pay.
00:29:48I will pay when I'm ready.
00:29:49You can wait your turn.
00:29:56Damn.
00:29:57My fake wife has some fire in her.
00:30:03Oh wait, wait, wait.
00:30:04Not the pies.
00:30:05Not the pies.
00:30:06We can just set those on top.
00:30:12Hi guys.
00:30:14And I hand you all these pies.
00:30:20Of course.
00:30:21Thank you so much.
00:30:22Of course.
00:30:23I hope you like pumpkin.
00:30:25She bought all 12 pies.
00:30:27Don't worry.
00:30:28I have enough for everybody.
00:30:29Just to give it away.
00:30:30Yeah.
00:30:32Merry Christmas.
00:30:33Merry Christmas.
00:30:38What?
00:30:39You do that often?
00:30:40As often as I can.
00:30:46We should go.
00:30:47We gotta pick up paper.
00:30:51Sit.
00:30:52Watch out.
00:31:11You done feeling me up?
00:31:14Shut up.
00:31:15Oh sorry.
00:31:16I was just in character, wifey.
00:31:17Yeah.
00:31:18Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:31:25And don't be late.
00:31:26Harrison Group?
00:31:27Do you do construction for them or something?
00:31:41Sort of.
00:31:42Not that I'm judging.
00:31:43I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:31:47Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:31:52I think that's respectable.
00:31:54Can we pick another company?
00:31:56No.
00:31:57Harrison Group is perfect.
00:31:58And they'll find it impressive.
00:32:00My cousin's husband works for them too.
00:32:02So.
00:32:03Perfect.
00:32:04Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:32:11Don't worry.
00:32:12Okay.
00:32:13I clean up nicely.
00:32:14I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:32:18Too much.
00:32:34Let's go, Sam.
00:32:39It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:32:42Hold on.
00:32:43You're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:32:48It's my daughter's.
00:32:50Daughter's?
00:32:51Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:33:04Hey, there they are!
00:33:05Hey!
00:33:06Hi!
00:33:07Hi!
00:33:08Hi!
00:33:09Hi!
00:33:10Hi!
00:33:11Hi!
00:33:12Hi, man.
00:33:13Hi!
00:33:14Hi!
00:33:15Hi!
00:33:16Hi.
00:33:17Dad.
00:33:18I'm so glad you made it.
00:33:19Oh, I missed you.
00:33:20So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:33:22He's coming.
00:33:23Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:33:25Good, good, good.
00:33:27So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:33:31When's he arriving?
00:33:32Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:33:37Poor thing.
00:33:38Not surprising.
00:33:39I mean, she's 30.
00:33:41Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:33:44Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:33:50This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:33:53Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:33:59We're only worried about you.
00:34:01All these years without a husband.
00:34:03Zip it, Pamela.
00:34:04You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:34:08And look what happened.
00:34:09She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:34:13I'm not alone.
00:34:14Mm-hmm.
00:34:15And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:34:18He's a manager.
00:34:22Manager.
00:34:23Manager.
00:34:24Manager?
00:34:25Of what?
00:34:26Trash?
00:34:27Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:34:30Mm-hmm.
00:34:31You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:34:34Actually, he's right here.
00:34:38Oh, wow.
00:34:41Wow.
00:34:42He is really good looking.
00:34:45Ah, must be AI.
00:34:47Mm-hmm.
00:34:48Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:34:51Fake.
00:34:52That's enough.
00:34:53She's our daughter and your niece.
00:34:55Show some respect.
00:34:56Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William?
00:35:02And you turned him down?
00:35:04Well, guess what?
00:35:05William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:35:08Makes 500 grand a year.
00:35:11That's half a million.
00:35:13Half a million.
00:35:14Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:35:18And speak of the devil.
00:35:23Willie, you've made it.
00:35:35There you are.
00:35:37Oh, look at you now.
00:35:39Living the dream.
00:35:41Oh, just think, Eva.
00:35:43Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal
00:35:47waste manager.
00:35:49So married, huh?
00:35:51Is it serious?
00:35:53That's what marriage is.
00:35:54It's pretty serious.
00:35:56Wow.
00:35:57You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:36:00Makes sense, though.
00:36:01You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:36:04Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:36:07A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:36:09Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:36:13That's right.
00:36:15I just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:36:19Women love a man in red.
00:36:21Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:36:24Wanna sit on my lap?
00:36:26Don't touch me.
00:36:27Oh, so entitled.
00:36:29Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:36:33And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:36:37I mean, look at that car.
00:36:39Did your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:36:43Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:36:46Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:36:51I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:36:59My mom would never marry.
00:37:00She already has a husband.
00:37:01He's gonna kick your butt.
00:37:03I don't know.
00:37:04Is that so?
00:37:08Well then, where is he?
00:37:10Because I don't see him.
00:37:12Does anyone see him?
00:37:16No.
00:37:17Just like I thought.
00:37:18Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:37:21That puts you on the naughty list.
00:37:24And let me show you what happens to the naughty children.
00:37:29Hey.
00:37:30Mommy.
00:37:31It's fine.
00:37:32Are you okay?
00:37:33I see your hands.
00:37:34Oh my God.
00:37:35I'm gonna take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:37:37Come on now.
00:37:38Let's go.
00:37:40What the hell's the matter with you?
00:37:43How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:37:47Let me go.
00:37:48Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:37:53Let me go!
00:38:08Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:38:23So, I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time and this guy passes out.
00:38:32Alright, it's about that time.
00:38:34So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:38:44Yeah.
00:38:45Him.
00:38:46Hi!
00:38:47Just play Mom.
00:38:48Six.
00:38:49Five.
00:38:50Four.
00:38:51Three.
00:38:52Two.
00:38:53One.
00:38:54Hey!
00:38:55Yeah!
00:38:56You have a cute scar.
00:38:57It's just my birthmark.
00:39:09If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:39:11I don't want you to stop.
00:39:12You have a cute scar.
00:39:13It's just my birthmark.
00:39:14If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:39:15I don't want you to stop.
00:39:16You have a cute scar.
00:39:17You have a cute scar.
00:39:18You have a cute scar.
00:39:19It's just my birthmark.
00:39:20It's just my birthmark.
00:39:21If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:39:23I don't want you to stop.
00:39:24I don't want you to stop.
00:39:25I don't want you to stop.
00:39:27I don't want you to stop.
00:39:54I don't want you to stop.
00:39:59I was so drunk last night.
00:40:01I can't remember who I was with.
00:40:07I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:40:15Happy New Year.
00:40:16Sam, it's me.
00:40:17Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:40:20I don't care how.
00:40:21Just do it.
00:40:22I will find you.
00:40:28Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:40:31Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend?
00:40:34I need grandkids.
00:40:36I need you to...
00:40:37Message received, Mom.
00:40:38I need to go now.
00:40:39I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:40:50Seven years.
00:40:51Why can't I ever find you?
00:40:53And why do you still haunt me?
00:41:03Still thinking about that girl?
00:41:04Boss, it's been years.
00:41:10I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:41:12Your vest, sir.
00:41:13But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:41:16She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:41:17Blonde hair, red top.
00:41:19And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:41:21We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:41:25Good.
00:41:26Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:41:31Hi.
00:41:32One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:41:33And one hot chocolate.
00:41:36I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:41:40Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:41:45Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:41:47And it's just for Christmas.
00:41:49But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:41:51Where's my real one?
00:41:53Uh...
00:41:54I'll tell you when you're older.
00:42:01Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:42:12Danny!
00:42:13Yo!
00:42:20Danny!
00:42:21Yo!
00:42:22I'm sorry.
00:42:24I'm not your dad.
00:42:25No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I have.
00:42:28Oh.
00:42:29Mommy, hurry!
00:42:30Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:42:40I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:42:43He's gorgeous.
00:42:50Why does it feel so familiar?
00:42:52Get her hair.
00:42:53Who's waiting in the coffee shop?
00:42:54Blond hair, red top.
00:42:56You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:42:59So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:43:01See, I knew you're the new daddy we hired, right?
00:43:05Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:43:06What's your name?
00:43:07Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:43:10Max, Aurelius.
00:43:12Eva.
00:43:13I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:43:17I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:43:20I guess mom gets her grandkid too.
00:43:24So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:43:29$1,000 an hour?
00:43:31Well, yeah.
00:43:33It's $500 a day.
00:43:35Is that enough?
00:43:36That's the most that I can pay you.
00:43:38Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:43:40That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:43:42You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:43:44Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:43:46Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:43:49and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:43:51And then my family will get off my back,
00:43:53so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:43:58So she's getting pressure from her folks too.
00:44:01Fine.
00:44:02But you have to help me get my mom off my case too.
00:44:06Okay.
00:44:07Deal.
00:44:10Ready to go get married?
00:44:12Okay.
00:44:12Deal.
00:44:12I need to go get married.
00:44:25Wow.
00:44:26Clean up nice.
00:44:28It was my wedding day after all.
00:44:30Pictures.
00:44:30Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:44:42You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:44:46I need some photos of us together too to prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:45:13Happy holidays, Mom.
00:45:27From my family to you.
00:45:28Bad news, boss.
00:45:38The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:45:42Wait, she bailed?
00:45:44Then who is...
00:45:45Who is she?
00:45:49Whatever.
00:45:50It doesn't matter.
00:45:52I've got what I need.
00:45:55Sam, don't worry about it.
00:45:57I already found someone.
00:45:58Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:46:07Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:46:08Christmas shopping?
00:46:10I should come.
00:46:12Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan, I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:46:18We'll make it more believable.
00:46:19Fine, yeah, fine.
00:46:24Okay, you can come.
00:46:33Let's go.
00:46:34Which mall are we going to?
00:46:35Um, let's go to that one.
00:46:37Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:46:42What the actual fuck?
00:46:49Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:46:55Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:47:01She does kind of look like him.
00:47:06So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:47:11Here, let me get this.
00:47:14I'm going to love you, Max.
00:47:15Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:47:28Okay.
00:47:29Should we use our tongues or?
00:47:31No, no, definitely not.
00:47:33And absolutely no.
00:47:34Sex?
00:47:35Yes.
00:47:37It's strictly business.
00:47:39Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
00:47:41What?
00:47:44Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:47:47I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:47:53Let's go.
00:48:00Here.
00:48:01What are you doing?
00:48:02I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:48:04Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:48:12Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:48:1550% off pies?
00:48:17Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:48:1912 pumpkin pies, did I hear this right?
00:48:20They're the best kind.
00:48:22Hurry up and go.
00:48:23Go.
00:48:23What are you standing here for?
00:48:26Hello there.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:28You ready?
00:48:28Yes.
00:48:28Yeah, just these things.
00:48:29Okay, great.
00:48:30We have a holiday special today.
00:48:33Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:48:39Oh, great.
00:48:40Yeah.
00:48:40What do you have that's just $15?
00:48:42Will you get a move on?
00:48:44I just got here.
00:48:46Relax.
00:48:47Yeah, yeah.
00:48:50Here, this will do the trick.
00:48:52Okay, thank you.
00:48:55Hurry up and pay.
00:48:56Okay.
00:48:56Hurry up and pay.
00:48:56I will pay when I'm ready.
00:49:01You can wait your turn.
00:49:07Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:49:15Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:49:15Not the pies, not the pies.
00:49:17You can just set those on top.
00:49:23Hi, guys.
00:49:24I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:49:31Of course.
00:49:32Thank you so much.
00:49:34Of course.
00:49:34I hope you like pumpkin.
00:49:37She bought all 12 pies.
00:49:38Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:49:40Just to give it away.
00:49:41Yeah.
00:49:43Merry Christmas.
00:49:43Merry Christmas.
00:49:49What?
00:49:50You do that often?
00:49:51As often as I can.
00:49:58We should go.
00:49:59We got to pick up paper.
00:50:03Sit, watch out.
00:50:04You done feeling me up?
00:50:25Shut up.
00:50:26Oh, sorry.
00:50:27I was just in character, wifey.
00:50:28Yeah, we'll stay out of character until Christmas.
00:50:36And don't be late.
00:50:37Harrison Group?
00:50:50Do you do construction for them or something?
00:50:53Sort of.
00:50:54Not that I'm judging.
00:50:55I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:50:59Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:51:04I think that's respectable.
00:51:06Can we pick another company?
00:51:08No.
00:51:09Harrison Group is perfect.
00:51:11And they'll find it impressive.
00:51:12My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:51:14So, it's perfect.
00:51:15Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:51:23Don't worry.
00:51:24Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:51:25I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:51:29Too much.
00:51:30Too much.
00:51:30Let's go, Sam.
00:51:51It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:51:54Hold on, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:51:58It's my daughter's.
00:52:01Daughter's.
00:52:03Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:52:20Hey, there they are!
00:52:21Hey!
00:52:22Nice to meet you!
00:52:24Oh, Dad.
00:52:26I'm so glad you made it.
00:52:27Oh.
00:52:28Missed you.
00:52:29So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:52:33He's coming.
00:52:34Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:52:36Good, good, good.
00:52:38So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:52:42When's he arriving?
00:52:44Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:52:48Poor thing.
00:52:49Not surprising.
00:52:50I mean, she's 30.
00:52:52Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:52:55Oh, no.
00:52:55Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:52:59This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:53:04Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:53:10We're only worried about you.
00:53:12All these years without a husband.
00:53:15Zip it, Pamela.
00:53:17You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:53:20And look what happened.
00:53:21She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:53:25I'm not alone.
00:53:26Mm-hmm.
00:53:27And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:53:32He's a manager.
00:53:34Manager?
00:53:35Of what?
00:53:37Trash?
00:53:39Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:53:43You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:53:46Actually, he's right here.
00:53:49Oh, wow.
00:53:54Wow.
00:53:54He is really good looking.
00:53:57Oh, must be AI.
00:53:59Mm-hmm.
00:54:00Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:54:03Fake.
00:54:04That's enough.
00:54:05She's our daughter and your niece.
00:54:07Show some respect.
00:54:09Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:54:15Well, guess what?
00:54:17William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:54:20Makes 500 grand a year.
00:54:23That's half a million.
00:54:25Half a million.
00:54:26Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:54:30And speak of the devil.
00:54:35Willie, you made it.
00:54:45There you are.
00:54:48Oh, look at you now.
00:54:51Living the dream.
00:54:53Oh, just think, Eva.
00:54:55Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:55:00So married, huh?
00:55:02Is it serious?
00:55:05That's what marriage is.
00:55:06It's pretty serious.
00:55:08Wow.
00:55:09You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:55:12Makes sense, though.
00:55:12You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:55:16Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:55:19A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:55:21Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:55:25That's right.
00:55:26Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:55:31Women love a man in red.
00:55:33Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:55:35Want to sit on my lap?
00:55:37Don't touch me.
00:55:38Oh, so entitled.
00:55:41Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:55:45And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:55:49I mean, look at that car.
00:55:51Did your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:55:54Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:55:58Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:56:02I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:56:10My mom would never marry.
00:56:11She already has a husband.
00:56:13He's going to kick your butt.
00:56:18Is that so?
00:56:19Well, then, where is he?
00:56:22Because I don't see him.
00:56:24Does anyone see him?
00:56:25Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy, that puts you on the naughty list.
00:56:36And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:56:41Hey.
00:56:41Mommy.
00:56:42It's fine.
00:56:43Are you okay?
00:56:44See your hands.
00:56:45Oh, my God.
00:56:47I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:56:49Come on, honey.
00:56:49Let's go.
00:56:52What the hell's the matter with you?
00:56:53How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:56:58Let me go.
00:56:59Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:57:04Let me go.
00:57:05Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:57:35So, I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:57:44All right.
00:57:44It's about that time.
00:57:46So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:57:48Uh, yeah.
00:57:56Him.
00:57:57Hi.
00:57:58Just play along.
00:58:00Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:58:05You have a cute scar.
00:58:30It's just my birthmark.
00:58:33If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:58:38I don't want you to stop.
00:58:39I don't want you to stop.
00:59:03I was so drunk last night.
00:59:13I can't remember who I was with.
00:59:18I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:59:26Happy New Year.
00:59:27Sam, it's me.
00:59:29Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:59:31I don't care how.
00:59:32Just do it.
00:59:33I will find you.
00:59:39Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:59:43Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:59:46I need grandkids.
00:59:48I need you to...
00:59:48Message received, Mom.
00:59:50I need to go now.
00:59:51I have to inspect the new headquarters.
01:00:01Seven years.
01:00:03Why can't I ever find you?
01:00:05And why do you still haunt me?
01:00:14Still thinking about that girl?
01:00:16Boss, it's been years.
01:00:18I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
01:00:23Your vest, sir.
01:00:25But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
01:00:27She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:00:29Blonde hair, red top.
01:00:31And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
01:00:33We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
01:00:37Good.
01:00:38Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
01:00:39I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
01:00:51I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
01:00:51Now, Auntie Debra and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
01:00:55Oh, sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
01:00:59It's just for Christmas.
01:01:00But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy?
01:01:03Where's my real one?
01:01:05Uh.
01:01:05I'll tell you when you're older.
01:01:13Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:01:23Daddy!
01:01:24No!
01:01:25What?
01:01:31Daddy!
01:01:32No!
01:01:33I'm sorry.
01:01:33I'm not your dad.
01:01:36No, I know you're my dad.
01:01:38He does his hints and his life.
01:01:40Oh.
01:01:41Mommy, hurry!
01:01:42Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
01:01:51I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
01:01:54He's gorgeous.
01:02:01Why does she feel so familiar?
01:02:03She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:02:06Blonde hair, red top.
01:02:08You must be my new Christmas husband.
01:02:11So, you're my new Christmas wife.
01:02:13See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:02:16Hi, my name's Piper.
01:02:17What's your name?
01:02:19Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
01:02:21Max.
01:02:22Aurelius.
01:02:23Eva.
01:02:24I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
01:02:27I just need a wife for the holidays.
01:02:31I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
01:02:35So, per hour agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
01:02:41$1,000 an hour?
01:02:42Well, yeah.
01:02:44It's $500 a day.
01:02:46Is that enough?
01:02:47That's the most that I can pay you.
01:02:49Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:02:51That's what I agreed with the agency.
01:02:53You'll make your thousands over the week.
01:02:55Look, my requirements are simple.
01:02:57Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
01:03:02And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
01:03:09So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
01:03:12Fine.
01:03:13But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
01:03:17Okay.
01:03:18Deal.
01:03:22Ready to go get married?
01:03:32Wow.
01:03:37Clean up nice.
01:03:39This is my wedding day, after all.
01:03:41Pictures.
01:03:45Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
01:04:02Touching.
01:04:15Okay.
01:04:16Well, I think we got it.
01:04:17Oh.
01:04:18I need some photos of us together, too.
01:04:21To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:25Of course.
01:04:26Of course.
01:04:32Happy holidays, Mom.
01:04:38From my family to you.
01:04:48Bad news, boss.
01:04:49The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
01:04:53Wait, she bailed?
01:04:55Then who is...
01:04:58Who is she?
01:05:00Whatever.
01:05:01It doesn't matter.
01:05:03I've got what I need.
01:05:07Sam, don't worry about it.
01:05:08I already found someone.
01:05:14Okay.
01:05:15Well, I think it's time for us to go.
01:05:18Christmas shopping waits for no one.
01:05:19Christmas shopping?
01:05:21I should come.
01:05:23Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
01:05:26I think I should have some say in the gifts.
01:05:29It'll make it more believable.
01:05:31Fine.
01:05:34Yeah, fine.
01:05:35Okay.
01:05:36You can come.
01:05:44Let's go.
01:05:45Which mall are we going to?
01:05:46Um, let's go to that one.
01:05:48Oh, let's go to the bank.
01:05:49Oh, what the actual fuck?
01:06:00Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:06:05Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:06:12She does kind of look like him.
01:06:17So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
01:06:20Oh, jeez.
01:06:22Here, let me get this.
01:06:25I'm going to love you, Max.
01:06:28Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice
01:06:37in front of them.
01:06:39Okay.
01:06:40Should we use our tongues or?
01:06:42No, no, definitely not.
01:06:44And absolutely no.
01:06:45Sex?
01:06:46Yes.
01:06:48This is strictly business.
01:06:50Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
01:06:53What?
01:06:55Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:06:56I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
01:07:04Let's go.
01:07:11Here.
01:07:12What are you doing?
01:07:13I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
01:07:17Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
01:07:21Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
01:07:2650% off pies?
01:07:28Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
01:07:3012 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
01:07:31They're the best kind.
01:07:33Hurry up and go.
01:07:34Go.
01:07:34What are you standing here for?
01:07:37Hello there.
01:07:38Hi.
01:07:39You ready?
01:07:39Yes, yeah, just these things.
01:07:40Okay, great.
01:07:42We have a holiday special today.
01:07:44Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
01:07:50Oh, great.
01:07:50Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
01:07:53Well, can you get a move on?
01:07:55I just got here.
01:07:57Relax.
01:07:58Yeah, yeah.
01:08:01Here, this will do the trick.
01:08:03Okay, thank you.
01:08:06Hurry up and pay.
01:08:10I will pay when I'm ready.
01:08:12You can wait your turn.
01:08:18Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
01:08:20Oh, wait, wait, wait.
01:08:26Not the pies.
01:08:27Not the pies.
01:08:28You can just set those on top.
01:08:34Hi, guys.
01:08:36I'm going to hand you all these pies.
01:08:41Of course.
01:08:42Thank you so much.
01:08:44Of course.
01:08:45I hope you like pumpkin.
01:08:47She bought all 12 pies.
01:08:48Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
01:08:50Just to give it away.
01:08:51Yeah.
01:08:53Merry Christmas.
01:08:54Merry Christmas.
01:08:55Merry Christmas.
01:08:56Oh, everyone.
01:08:57What?
01:09:01Do you do that often?
01:09:03As often as I can.
01:09:08We should go.
01:09:09We should go.
01:09:10We gotta pick up paper.
01:09:14Nip, watch out!
01:09:34You done feeling me up?
01:09:37Shut up.
01:09:38Sorry, I was just in character, wifey.
01:09:40Yeah, well, stay out of character until Christmas.
01:09:47And don't be late.
01:10:00Harrison Group?
01:10:01Do you do construction for them or something?
01:10:04Sort of.
01:10:05Not that I'm judging. I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
01:10:10Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group? I think that's respectable.
01:10:16Can we pick another company?
01:10:19No.
01:10:20Harrison Group is perfect.
01:10:21And they'll find it impressive. My cousin's husband works for them, too.
01:10:25So, it's perfect.
01:10:27Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
01:10:34Don't worry. Okay, I clean up nicely. I wouldn't embarrass you.
01:10:38Too much.
01:10:41Let's go, Sam. It's time to check out the new HQ set.
01:10:51Hold on, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
01:11:09It's my daughter's.
01:11:11It's my daughter's.
01:11:12Daughter's.
01:11:13Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:11:18Hey, there they are!
01:11:33Hey!
01:11:34Hey, honey!
01:11:35Hi.
01:11:36Dad.
01:11:37So glad you made it.
01:11:38Oh, we missed you.
01:11:40Hi.
01:11:41So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
01:11:44He's coming.
01:11:45Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
01:11:47Good, good, good.
01:11:49So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie. When's he arriving?
01:11:55Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking. Poor thing.
01:12:00Not surprising. I mean, she's 30. Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
01:12:06Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
01:12:12This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
01:12:16Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
01:12:21We're only worried about you.
01:12:23All these years without a husband.
01:12:26Zip it, Pamela.
01:12:28You know, you've always spoiled her rotten. And look what happened. She got knocked up
01:12:33out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
01:12:36I'm not alone.
01:12:37Mm-hmm.
01:12:38And what does this mysterious husband do?
01:12:44He's a manager.
01:12:45Manager?
01:12:47Of what?
01:12:48Trash?
01:12:49Probably a cover for criminal activity.
01:12:52You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
01:12:57Actually, he's right here.
01:13:02Oh, wow. Wow. He is really good looking. Ah, must be AI.
01:13:10Mm-hmm. Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
01:13:14Fake.
01:13:15That's enough. She's our daughter and your niece. Show some respect.
01:13:20Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William?
01:13:25And you turned him down?
01:13:27Well, guess what? William works for the Harrison Group now.
01:13:31Makes 500 grand a year.
01:13:33That's half a million.
01:13:36Half a million.
01:13:37Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
01:13:41And speak of the devil.
01:13:46Willie, you made it.
01:13:50There you are. Oh, look at you now.
01:14:02Living the dream.
01:14:04Oh, just think, Eva.
01:14:06Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
01:14:08had you not married that criminal waste manager.
01:14:11So married, huh?
01:14:14Is it serious?
01:14:16That's what marriage is. It's pretty serious.
01:14:18Huh. Wow.
01:14:20You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
01:14:23Makes sense, though.
01:14:24You not being a hot young thing anymore.
01:14:27Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
01:14:30Ugh.
01:14:30A bullet dodged, Willie.
01:14:32Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
01:14:35Mm-hmm.
01:14:36That's right.
01:14:38Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
01:14:41Women love a man in red.
01:14:43Good, sexy, like Santa Claus.
01:14:46Want to sit on my lap?
01:14:48Don't touch me.
01:14:50Oh, so entitled.
01:14:52Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
01:14:55And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
01:14:59I mean, look at that car.
01:15:02Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
01:15:05Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
01:15:09Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
01:15:14I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
01:15:16My mom would never marry.
01:15:22She already has a husband.
01:15:24He's gonna kick your butt.
01:15:29Is that so?
01:15:30Well, then, where is he?
01:15:33Because I don't see him.
01:15:34Does anyone see him?
01:15:38No, just like I thought.
01:15:41Telling lies just like mommy.
01:15:44That puts you on the naughty list.
01:15:46And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
01:15:52Hey.
01:15:52Mommy.
01:15:54Hi.
01:15:54Are you okay?
01:15:55I see your hands.
01:15:56Oh, my God.
01:15:58I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up, okay?
01:16:00Come on, honey.
01:16:00Let's go.
01:16:03What the hell's the matter with you?
01:16:05How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
01:16:09Let me go.
01:16:10Now, why would I go and do a thing like that
01:16:13when I'm having such a good time?
01:16:15Let me go.
01:16:31Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:16:36So I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
01:16:55All right.
01:16:55It's about that time.
01:16:56So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
01:17:06Yeah, it's him.
01:17:08Hi.
01:17:09Just play along.
01:17:11Six, five, four, three, two, one.
01:17:16You have a cute scar.
01:17:29It's just my birthmark.
01:17:45If you want me to stop, tell me now.
01:17:46I don't want you.
01:17:47I don't want you to stop.
01:17:49I don't want you to stop.
01:18:02I was so drunk last night.
01:18:24I can't remember who I was with.
01:18:29I must return this to her so I can see her again.
01:18:32Happy New Year.
01:18:38Sam, it's me.
01:18:40Hey, find me the girl from last night.
01:18:42I don't care how.
01:18:43Just do it.
01:18:44I will find you.
01:18:50Maximus, can you get married already?
01:18:54Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
01:18:57I need grandkids.
01:18:59I need you to...
01:18:59Message received, Mom.
01:19:00I need to go now.
01:19:02I have to inspect the new headquarters.
01:19:12Seven years.
01:19:14Why can't I ever find you?
01:19:16And why do you still haunt me?
01:19:17Still thinking about that girl?
01:19:27Boss, it's been years.
01:19:32I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
01:19:34Your vest, sir.
01:19:35But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
01:19:38She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:19:40Blonde hair, red top.
01:19:42And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
01:19:44We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
01:19:48Good.
01:19:49Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
01:19:53Hi.
01:19:54One iced vanilla latte, please.
01:19:56And one hot chocolate.
01:19:58I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
01:20:02Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
01:20:08Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
01:20:10It's just for Christmas.
01:20:11But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
01:20:14Where's my real one?
01:20:15I'll tell you when you're older.
01:20:24Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:20:34Daddy!
01:20:35Yo!
01:20:36What?
01:20:42Daddy!
01:20:43Yo!
01:20:44I'm sorry.
01:20:46I'm not your dad.
01:20:47No, I know you're my daddy.
01:20:49Just as handsome as I've had.
01:20:51Oh.
01:20:52Mommy, hurry!
01:20:53Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
01:21:02I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
01:21:05He's gorgeous.
01:21:12Why does it feel so familiar?
01:21:14I don't know what's going on here.
01:21:16She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:21:17Blonde hair, red top.
01:21:19You must be my new Christmas husband.
01:21:22So, you're my new Christmas wife.
01:21:24See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:21:27Hi, my name's Hyper.
01:21:28What's your name?
01:21:30Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
01:21:32Max.
01:21:33Aurelius.
01:21:34Eva.
01:21:34I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
01:21:38I just need a wife for the holidays.
01:21:42I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
01:21:46So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
01:21:52$1,000 an hour?
01:21:53Well, yeah.
01:21:55It's $500 a day.
01:21:57Is that enough?
01:21:58That's the most that I can pay you.
01:22:00Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:22:02That's what I agreed with the agency.
01:22:04You'll make your thousands over the week.
01:22:06Look, my requirements are simple.
01:22:08Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
01:22:13And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
01:22:20So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
01:22:23Fine.
01:22:24But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
01:22:28Okay.
01:22:29Deal.
01:22:32Ready to go get married?
01:22:43Wow.
01:22:48Clean up nice.
01:22:50This is my wedding day, after all.
01:22:52Pictures.
01:23:00Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
01:23:13Touching.
01:23:26Okay.
01:23:27Well, I think we got it.
01:23:28Oh.
01:23:29I need some photos of us together, too.
01:23:32To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
01:23:36Yeah.
01:23:36Of course.
01:23:43Happy holidays, Mom.
01:23:49From my family to you.
01:23:59Bad news, boss.
01:24:00The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
01:24:04Wait, she bailed?
01:24:06Then who is...
01:24:09Who is she?
01:24:11Whatever.
01:24:12It doesn't matter.
01:24:14I've got what I need.
01:24:17Sam, don't worry about it.
01:24:19I already found someone.
01:24:25Okay.
01:24:26Well, I think it's time for us to go.
01:24:29Christmas shopping waits for no one.
01:24:30Christmas shopping?
01:24:32I should come.
01:24:34Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
01:24:37I think I should have some say in the gifts.
01:24:40It'll make it more believable.
01:24:42Fine.
01:24:44Fine.
01:24:45Yeah, fine.
01:24:46Okay.
01:24:47You can come.
01:24:55Let's go.
01:24:56Which mall are we going to?
01:24:57Um, let's go to that one.
01:24:59No, let's go to the bank.
01:25:00Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:25:16Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:25:23She does kind of look like him.
01:25:28So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
01:25:31Oh, jeez.
01:25:33Here, let me get this.
01:25:36I'm going to love you, Max.
01:25:39Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice
01:25:48in front of them.
01:25:50Okay.
01:25:51Should we use our tongues or?
01:25:53No, no, definitely not.
01:25:55And absolutely no.
01:25:56Sex?
01:25:57Yes.
01:25:59It's strictly business.
01:26:01Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
01:26:04What?
01:26:06Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:26:07I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
01:26:15Let's go.
01:26:22Here.
01:26:23What are you doing?
01:26:24I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
01:26:37Let's go.
01:26:57Okay.
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