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S20 E11 - Sister Wives
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00:00Previously on Sister Wives.
00:03So I am in New Orleans.
00:06Property is closed, like it's free, I'm like it's good.
00:08Everything's good.
00:09Another beautiful night.
00:11Here's to Janelle getting a new man.
00:14They are really pushing the dating thing.
00:16They can push, it doesn't mean I have to act.
00:19You don't have any handsome farmers around us, do you?
00:24I wouldn't tell you.
00:25Oh no!
00:26Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:33So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:36What's it called?
00:37I don't know, it's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:41You're nervous.
00:42Well, because dating is weird.
00:45Dating is weird.
00:46I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:49We're just going to have fun and if I meet somebody, cool.
00:53After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:59I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor is that I felt shame.
01:05I'm in North Carolina right now.
01:08I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
01:11It's an effort to just say, have a great...
01:17I don't even know how to say it.
01:19I don't even know what to say, really.
01:22I was hurt and I was angry and I was betrayed and I wanted to...
01:26I had a feeling of let's get even.
01:29I'm on the right path.
01:31I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:36I'm on the right path.
02:06Do we have to do this?
02:15What have we gotten ourselves into?
02:16Do we have to?
02:17So Amber and I came to Vegas.
02:19We came for this speed dating type event.
02:22Hello, ladies.
02:24Hello.
02:25Hi.
02:26Are you guys ready to find love?
02:27Yes, actually.
02:29So this is kind of like a speed dating type event at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:37Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:40I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:43Okay.
02:44So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:45Okay.
02:46It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:47So around 845 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups and then it'll do another countdown and you're going to get the match that it thinks is your best match based on the answers you put into there.
02:58That's a really long time from now.
03:00Uh, yes.
03:01So we're supposed to mingle with random people?
03:04Yes.
03:04For over an hour.
03:05That's what the liquid courage is for.
03:07Okay, got it.
03:08I'm nervous.
03:12We both are.
03:13Not quite sure what to expect.
03:16We're just doing it.
03:18Here we go.
03:19Here we go.
03:22Now we have to answer these questions.
03:24Okay.
03:25Flirting is a form of cheating.
03:27Yes.
03:29Strongly disagree.
03:30Strongly agree.
03:31I agree.
03:33Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody and you're in a relationship,
03:38I mean, you shouldn't be doing that.
03:41I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like, you need to be careful with it and you need to actually nurture all of your relationships if you're wanting to flirt with somebody in front of somebody else.
03:54If one wife is not secure and you're out there flirting with the other wife in front of her, that's just rude.
04:01You know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally demonstrative.
04:09You know, that was just what it was.
04:12You know, it was plural marriage.
04:13It was what we were living.
04:14And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway.
04:17But that was something they had established before I even came along.
04:22I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that would, to flirt with us all.
04:26It didn't, was normal.
04:28It didn't bother me.
04:29Yeah.
04:30He'd do a little wink or something, you know.
04:32And I guess sort of like a little flirt with us in front of each other.
04:36And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:38I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:42Everything pretty much was like when you're with everybody, you're classy, you know.
04:46You didn't really do stuff like that.
04:48That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer, I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:53Okay.
04:54Next question's going to be your favorite.
04:56I prefer kinky sex.
04:58Wait.
04:58Wait.
05:00I, what?
05:02Yep.
05:02What'd you put?
05:07What'd you put?
05:08One.
05:10I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
05:14Okay.
05:15When you know, you would change your answer.
05:17I feel bad because I know that these days with dating, it's very complicated.
05:25It's not what it used to be.
05:26You know, the smartphone has just totally annihilated that whole thought process.
05:30I feel bad for people that are having to go through this process now.
05:34You're in.
05:35Keep an eye on your text.
05:36When your host runs the algorithm, you'll get your match from this number.
05:40Yay.
05:40This is weird.
05:43I'm all right.
05:45What's...
05:45Where are we going?
05:46I don't know.
05:47I don't know.
05:48Let's walk.
05:49I definitely go in with low expectations, and then if something happens, great, you know?
05:54What about the guy there looking at his phone?
06:02Not for me.
06:03For you.
06:04No, I don't think so.
06:08I wanted to wait.
06:09You know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
06:11Maybe other people were going to show up.
06:13There is this one guy here who's got his eye out for that girl.
06:18Yep.
06:18100%.
06:19I saw him walk in, and he was like, yep, I know who I want.
06:26I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
06:29Definitely the majority are women.
06:31I was kind of hoping that there would be more men, and maybe more men that I would be interested in.
06:39But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:43This is dating.
06:44And I don't know if, I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager.
06:49But I think the dating scene is just kind of tough for, I think it's just tough all around.
06:57Are we just being party poopers?
06:59Maybe.
07:00Are we being too picky?
07:01Maybe.
07:03Are we, are we closed off?
07:05I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
07:12I don't either.
07:13I see nobody.
07:15I feel like I get to be picky.
07:19You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like, the perfect person that checks all the boxes.
07:26I don't think the perfect person exists, but the perfect person for me exists, and that's, that's who I'm looking for.
07:33So I think I get to be picky.
07:35I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle.
07:54I'm basically just following through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
08:00And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection, and I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
08:09I don't want to fight.
08:11I just want to apologize.
08:15You know, since Cody first called me and said, I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
08:21Like, I mean, why now?
08:23You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like, well, I'll go see.
08:28I'm curious what you have to say, but is this going to be even for real?
08:34Hi.
08:35Hi.
08:35How are you?
08:36Good.
08:37Are you feeling healthy?
08:38Yeah, I am.
08:39Good, good.
08:40Nice to see you.
08:40Thanks for meeting with me.
08:41I appreciate it.
08:45Thanks.
08:45I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass, and that was so awkward.
08:53We didn't really talk to each other.
08:54It was just awkward.
08:56Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
09:00Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and, like, I don't know, whatever.
09:04I don't know whatever.
09:05Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
09:09And this is just he and I.
09:11There's no other outside parties.
09:13There's no politics.
09:14Have you eaten here before?
09:16I have.
09:17It's really good.
09:17Yeah.
09:18Awesome.
09:19Yeah.
09:20So.
09:21Well, good choice then.
09:23Yeah.
09:24Like, it's, like, people that I know like this place, and so they recommended it.
09:28Oh, okay, cool.
09:28And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, okay, sure.
09:30Yeah.
09:31Sure.
09:31All right.
09:31The town, it's all quaint.
09:35I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity, assuming that it would be a little
09:39bit high.
09:40Yeah.
09:40But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
09:43Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
09:45Like, it's cool.
09:46Yeah.
09:49So that's, that's great.
09:52This is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got to
10:00start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
10:03You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
10:13I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
10:18Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
10:21I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
10:26I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:31There's no way I would ever do that again.
10:44This is the weirdest experience.
10:46You know what?
10:50Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:52I mean, I've done mini golf and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
10:56I don't know.
10:57I'm not good at golf and so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not
11:00comfortable with and like do something that I look stupid doing either.
11:03I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage, but I know what I want and I know what I don't
11:22want based on experiences that I've had.
11:26I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
11:30We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
11:34You know, like we came from a religious culture that promoted that, for sure, and so it was
11:41normal for us, but there's no way I would ever do that again.
11:47All right, everybody.
11:50It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:54In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
11:59You will get your marriage.
12:02Woo!
12:04I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me with
12:09somebody, um, just based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
12:15I don't know, but it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
12:21Yeah, I think the structure of the speed dating event that I went to up in Salt Lake was so
12:35much better.
12:36Tell me about yourself.
12:37Are you, um, how long have you been single?
12:40Single, two years.
12:41Two years.
12:41I have a dog.
12:42Nice.
12:43I have a child.
12:45I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
12:47Um, he and I have a really cool connection, but this is just the world that I'm living
12:53in right now.
12:55You know, the dating scene is weird.
12:59You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun.
13:03Sometimes I'm going to be interested in a guy and he's not going to be interested in me.
13:07Sometimes vice versa.
13:08You know what I mean?
13:09Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
13:14Matches are here.
13:17I didn't end up getting matched with anybody, and I'm okay with that because I didn't see
13:31anybody that I wanted to be matched with, so it, it was a win.
13:39I don't know what to do now.
13:41Now we've raced early lead.
13:43Okay.
13:44I think we're out.
13:45No, I'm not disappointed.
13:50I think this is just the process.
13:52I think this is the game that I'm in right now, but I'm up for the adventure because I
13:57do want to find my person, you know?
14:02You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and I'm definitely leaving this experience
14:09in terror, and we'll just have to find a better version next time.
14:14We live where there's a pickleball court.
14:30Christine's like, let's go play.
14:33She thinks she can beat me.
14:35It's on.
14:35Hey, cheater, behind the line.
14:41You have dessert from here?
14:42Uh-huh.
14:43So pickleball's like this rage.
14:45It's this rage.
14:45It's easier than tennis, and it's not bad.
14:47It's okay.
14:48I've really honestly never played it before.
14:50I have tried so many different sports, and I'm terrible at all of them.
14:53All sports.
14:55You have sunglasses, you cheater.
14:58How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
15:02That's not cheating.
15:03That's preparing for battle.
15:08Out.
15:10So that was one point for you.
15:12William, you know why you're not good at this game?
15:15Why?
15:15Because you can't cheat.
15:17Oh, my God.
15:18You know what, asshole?
15:18I love to trash talk.
15:23Four.
15:23Do you have a hole in that pedal?
15:26Check it.
15:26Do you have a hole in your mouth?
15:28It gets in their head, then they can't win, so if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part
15:33of the game.
15:35No, I swear.
15:36David, go on!
15:39I hate sports.
15:41David can aim.
15:45I swear for the love, you're getting it.
15:47Go get it.
15:48You get it.
15:49He can aim where he hits the ball, and he is hitting it out there on purpose.
15:53Because he likes to just get me worn out.
15:55That's his tactic.
15:56Who's the cheater now?
15:57Oh, that was out.
15:59No, that was it.
15:59Damn it to hell?
16:00David, can you go that way?
16:02Can you aim that way?
16:05Hey, I just know how to angle the ball right through that door opening there to let her go
16:09chase him.
16:11Let's do it, babe.
16:12Let's do the pump chest.
16:13Ready?
16:13That hurts.
16:14David won.
16:18David won.
16:19No one is surprised.
16:20He's never played pickleball either, so I thought that it would be less of a big, huge gap between
16:26the winner and the loser.
16:28Good job, babe.
16:29That was awesome.
16:29So Cody reached out to me and wanted us to have, like, a conversation.
16:38Like, Olive Branch, Benevolence was in there.
16:41I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
16:44It came out of absolutely nowhere.
16:48Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
16:50I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
16:52She's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
16:54You know, I don't know what the agenda is, but apparently there's, like, an olive branch
16:57or something, and I'm like, I don't know.
17:00But she didn't know.
17:01It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
17:04I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
17:06Just so much anxiety today.
17:09Why?
17:09I don't want to have, I just feel so hypocritical, but I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
17:16I just don't want to.
17:18David, I don't want to.
17:20Because it was brain damage for so many years.
17:23When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
17:26No, I'm not going to go.
17:27That's ridiculous.
17:28I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
17:30Why would I put myself in that situation?
17:32No.
17:34Like, the last conversation that we had together,
17:37last several conversations we've had haven't been great.
17:42Man, just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
17:46Like, every single time, they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
17:53Why, why, why, why, why?
17:56You got to realize that people do change.
17:58Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
18:02Where's the proof of the last time that I heard him talking about me, he was mean.
18:05I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
18:10But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
18:19I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
18:24That wasn't true.
18:26We used to be lovers, and we used to really like being around each other.
18:47I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
18:50Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
18:53Wow. All right.
18:58Yeah.
19:00Oh, I have a list.
19:03Okay.
19:03I'd just love to apologize for...
19:06The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
19:09I want to apologize for just being so angry and so bitter over the family breakup.
19:19And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
19:27Wow.
19:27Thanks.
19:28Yeah.
19:29I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
19:31I used to always tell everybody, I'm like, this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
19:36Like, you know what I mean?
19:37I'm just, yeah, so...
19:39Yeah, I, you weren't the only one saying that.
19:43The person I would see speaking all these things publicly, I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
19:48I still don't recognize him.
19:50It's like, again, like, as somebody I've seen that I used to know a long time ago, lots of pieces that I recognize, lots of common things that we can remember together.
19:57But I don't, I don't recognize me.
19:59He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
20:02So do I.
20:03I didn't, I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
20:06Like, like when the family fell apart, I was really, I mourned more of the loss of the ideal of what we were trying to do, right?
20:12I understand that.
20:13Like, I just, we had that ideal.
20:15Like, when we all got together and we were going to raise the kids, and thank goodness the kids are all still pretty much their siblings, really, you know?
20:22And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
20:24We had this idea, this whole ideal, right, of how it was going to be.
20:28Like, I think when I finally left Cody, I thought about the family so much more than our relationship for many, many, many years.
20:36I think he and I especially really held that ideal of the family, like this family unit thing that would work out.
20:42And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship, and it might have been detrimental, really.
20:47I probably should have been focused a little bit more on our relationship and not so much the family.
20:50Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
20:53Well...
20:53Let me tell you why, okay?
20:55It's a compliment to you.
20:57If I'd have been apathetic, it would have meant you weren't important.
21:02Yeah.
21:02And my anger and my bitterness and my, I didn't ever love her, that was all from attachment.
21:09Yeah.
21:10We used to be lovers, and we used to really like, I think we liked, being around each other.
21:20And I'm in a space now with this apology where I'm not looking back at my past and going,
21:26I want to burn that to the ground.
21:29Instead, I'm looking back at my past like, that was really cool.
21:33We were part of something special.
21:34I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
21:46That wasn't true.
21:48That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
21:51I knew, I knew it.
21:54I knew that you loved me.
21:56I did.
21:56Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
22:02And I didn't understand.
22:04Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
22:05But I knew it.
22:06I knew.
22:09Thanks for making that easy.
22:10Yeah.
22:11I knew.
22:12And it was fine.
22:13Like, I knew.
22:14Because I knew, I knew how it was for all those years.
22:18Do you know what I mean?
22:20But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
22:22Yeah.
22:23So.
22:27Yeah, just because I've not had any kind of real emotional connection with him like this for a long time,
22:34I'm like, where is this going?
22:36I don't know.
22:36Do you know what I mean?
22:39At one point, I thought, wow, you're really bringing it on heavy.
22:42I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of reconciliation, I kept thinking.
22:48I, it wouldn't have made any sense, but he was just being so intense and so, like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
22:53And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
22:56Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
23:05How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
23:10Return to the family?
23:11To the family.
23:12Uh, uh, I mean, like, what?
23:22Really?
23:25I would be very surprised.
23:28I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like.
23:31Okay.
23:32It, it, yeah.
23:33So making me sad right now.
23:40I'm sorry.
23:42No, because you, like, just opened this little portal of hope.
23:45And I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
23:48And now I'm just like, what if, and I'm going down that road.
23:51I can't, I can't.
23:53Just, I got to move away from that.
23:54Because I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
23:58Okay.
23:58Okay, I just.
24:05Hope is dangerous sometimes.
24:07This is the new office and I like it.
24:28Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
24:32It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen.
24:36But sometimes that's what friends do is make friends uncomfortable.
24:40Hi.
24:41How you doing?
24:42Hi.
24:42I'm great.
24:44Good.
24:45How are you guys?
24:46Better than you.
24:47Chipper.
24:48We're peachy.
24:50Better than you.
24:51So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer for a couple of years.
24:56But this year it's been definitely more intense because he's gotten into, like, all the radiation
25:03and all the surgeries.
25:06And now he's moving into another treatment that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
25:11And, you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
25:15So we wanted to give you an update, though, of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
25:21We have a plan.
25:24We are so excited about this, Jen.
25:26Thank you, guys.
25:27Amber and I have decided that we are going to do a fundraiser for her.
25:32And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
25:37Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help.
25:40She doesn't feel like she needs it.
25:41But, you know, this is what we can do.
25:43You know, we can't do anything about the cancer, but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
25:49So we'll do a bike ride.
25:51We'll just do a loop around town.
25:52Okay.
25:53But we are putting out there that people can rent bikes from your shop.
25:57Okay.
25:58So that's another way they can support you is to come and rent bikes and stuff.
26:03Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
26:05They can see what you guys offer there, too.
26:07So that'll be good.
26:09And then we'll do a breakfast out here.
26:12Okay.
26:12On the front lawn.
26:16As we've been planning this event, you know, I've been telling people about it.
26:19I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
26:21I've also mentioned it to Ron, and he's going to be coming down for it.
26:26Hello.
26:26So, how's it going?
26:30Good.
26:31Yeah.
26:31Good so far.
26:32Have you done this before?
26:33Never in my life.
26:35I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
26:38So ever since then, he and I have just stayed in touch.
26:41We've hung out.
26:42We've just become friends, and we're just having fun getting to know each other.
26:47This will actually be the first time that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me and in my space, and I'm kind of excited about it.
26:58It'll be kind of cool.
27:03You okay with this?
27:07You know, like, you are so loved.
27:12I hate this from you.
27:16Thank you.
27:17Oh, sorry.
27:19Your glasses are in the way.
27:24She's very uncomfortable with it.
27:26She doesn't love this.
27:29You know what?
27:29Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen, is to accept support.
27:33You give it all the time.
27:35Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
27:38Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years about this whole breakup, four years, all right?
27:57There were some mistakes I made in plural marriage, specifically.
28:01I don't know that she was expecting.
28:04I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
28:07What I offered her was an olive branch, and that was it.
28:10And so, well, an olive branch, well, that's a symbol of peace.
28:13Let's see what he's got.
28:15You know?
28:15When you and I got married, I remember this affection that we shared.
28:24And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
28:27I wish I would have seen the need for you and I to protect our special place.
28:38If I would have understood that, I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
28:46I feel like I put you in harm's way, and that it didn't step up to protect you.
28:56Wow.
28:57Thank you.
28:59I, yeah.
29:02When Janelle and I got married, I didn't feel like we had a lot of room, space with each other.
29:09We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
29:13We weren't good communicators, but we started out with a tenderness.
29:17We started out with a sweetness.
29:23And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
29:26We didn't know.
29:28We didn't have no idea.
29:29God, she's Janelle.
29:30There was no book or anyone advising us.
29:33It wasn't, but I, I, my mistake in just not being brave enough, man enough, strong enough, because I know you didn't feel safe in that space.
29:44And you were probably thinking to yourself a lot, I made a huge mistake in marrying this guy.
29:49There were some things that happened through the years that I kind of, well, there were things that happened, especially that first year or two, that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me as much as he maybe, by default, sort of took the other position, you know?
30:08Mary and I have very different personalities.
30:13We just clash.
30:14Like, I don't, we would never be friends, right?
30:17I never would.
30:17We just are so very different.
30:19So add that to the fact that there was a lot of, of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through, and it just was not, it was not good.
30:30I, I have an experience, um, where I was going off to the mountain to log, and you were sobbing, and you were saying, do you love me, do you love me, do you love me?
30:45I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
30:48I've thought about that scene in my mind, that scenario where you were there, and I've just felt ashamed, because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship, and I bailed that.
31:00So, I was pregnant with Logan, and he was on the road.
31:04He was a route sales guy, and so his time at home was very, like, there was a lot of, his time at home was limited, and I think he was trying so hard to, like, be a family that I think we sort of, again, lost track of who we were as just a couple.
31:22Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife, so there's a lot that comes with that, and I think over the years, I just sort of learned.
31:30To just keep the peace, and I lost a lot of my identity, like I did.
31:34I think I had to sort of emotionally close down to survive in those early years, and I think we just never got that back.
31:41So, there's been some healing for me for him to say those things about those early years, which were really, really, really not pretty.
31:49The, um...
31:54Well, I think the experience was much harder than you thought it was going to be, and...
32:00Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
32:02Yeah, and if I, once again, if I would have protected you, if I would have made you safe in that space, if you would have felt like I had your back...
32:10Yeah, yeah, our relationship, yeah, we might have not...
32:13It would have made a lot of difference.
32:15...not have struggled as much as we did in those early years, you know what I mean?
32:18Yeah, and I always, and that's an ache in my heart that I have felt four or five years.
32:22We always had a really good relationship as far as, like, being able to talk to each other.
32:34I think we still do care for each other.
32:36I mean, like, how can you not?
32:38I spent so many years married to him.
32:40I just think there is always a level of connection when you spend that much time married.
32:52If Cody started to be mean or aggressive towards me or anything like that, David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
32:58He wants to have a relationship.
33:00I just don't think he knows quite how to.
33:03If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road, when you need them, they're not going to be there.
33:19Do you think Cody wants to meet up to talk crap on you?
33:22No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch.
33:27I just don't trust that.
33:28I just don't trust him.
33:30No, I haven't told Cody whether or not I'm going to meet up with him at all.
33:33I'm not 100% going yet.
33:35So why?
33:36Why would I do that?
33:37I'm not going to trust anything that comes out of his mouth, so.
33:41He's just going to be mean.
33:42He's just mean.
33:43It's years of him being mean and putting me down and making me feel less than.
33:48I'm nauseous.
33:48I'm already nauseous thinking about it.
33:49My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
33:51But you have done so much in your life in the last, what, three years?
33:56Uh-huh.
33:57Look where you're at now.
33:58Yes.
33:59You're a very independent woman.
34:00Yes.
34:00I've seen it in you.
34:02I watch what you can do, and things will be better because it's you and I there.
34:06Okay.
34:07And it will be fine.
34:10I promise you.
34:12David's always been pushing for more communication.
34:16And he's like, and what do you want more than anything?
34:19And I'm like, oh, for my kids to have a better relationship with their dad.
34:22And he goes, okay.
34:23Then you have to show them how to have a good relationship with him.
34:27See, he's right with this, too.
34:29It just sucks.
34:32You didn't marry him because he was a terrible guy.
34:35No, he was great.
34:36He was a great guy.
34:37But times change and things change.
34:39People change.
34:40And people start going separate ways.
34:41Yeah.
34:42Everybody wants to keep living in the past.
34:44No.
34:44And the past will never make you go to the future.
34:47So I need to think about it.
34:48This isn't an olive branch.
34:49This is a peace talk.
34:50That's a peace talk.
34:51This is an honor to need an olive branch from him.
34:53Let's just have to be a peace talk.
34:55Let's just move on.
34:56It doesn't matter.
34:57Things were said.
34:58Yeah.
34:59They're just going to move on.
35:00And what can we do to make this better for our kids?
35:02And for us to be in the same room, too, because if we're going to all do family reunions
35:05like I wanted and get together like I wanted, this needs to happen.
35:09But I'm not going to be in that mosh pit, okay?
35:12Cody could be in that mosh pit.
35:13You don't want to be in the dancing mosh pit?
35:14No.
35:15I'll just tackle people.
35:16Okay.
35:17Okay.
35:19That sounds good.
35:21I've decided to leave.
35:23I'm going to leave Cody.
35:26When I first was leaving Cody, I remember, like, there was a couple of conversations where
35:31I'd be like, look, I'm sure that we could all get together at some point, you know, and
35:35have a family reunion, you know, once a year or something like that.
35:38And everyone kind of looked at me like I was a fool.
35:40But getting the kids together would be an awesome thing.
35:44I don't need to see the adults, but the kids need to get together for sure.
35:51If you want to have a reunion, a family, and I'm all for it.
35:53I have zero, I'm not jealous, I'm not insecure about them all having to get together, because
36:00my main focus on is the kids having a good relationship with everybody.
36:04If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you
36:08need them, they're not going to be there.
36:10I tell you, don't let people walk all over you.
36:13No, I won't.
36:14So, there you go.
36:15I won't.
36:17No, it's not going to be like it was before.
36:21I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
36:22I wouldn't put up with it.
36:23And David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
36:24If Cody was starting to be mean or aggressive towards me or anything like that, no, no,
36:29God, David, no, he wouldn't allow that.
36:32But I wouldn't either.
36:33He wants to have a relationship.
36:36I just don't think he knows quite how to.
36:38No, I don't need to talk about anything with Cody.
36:41I would love to see him have a better relationship with his kids.
36:44If he's extending an olive branch here, we'll really then have a better relationship with
36:49my kids, you know?
36:50Put them first.
36:52And I love you.
36:53Love you too.
36:55Thank you.
37:06Did you ever feel like our breakup was just inevitable?
37:11By the time it happened, I didn't see that we were ever going to turn around.
37:14Okay.
37:16But, you know, I mean, I was really ready to move on.
37:20So, Cody and I, as any relationship does, has had, like, ups and downs.
37:24And some of our lows were pretty low.
37:26And we always managed to come back.
37:28You stay and talk.
37:29I'm done listening to you.
37:30You stay and talk.
37:32Uh, no.
37:33I'm not going to.
37:34Because you're not listening.
37:35You're not listening to me.
37:36And I'm not going to.
37:37Okay, so we're done.
37:38Goodbye.
37:39Goodbye.
37:39you.
37:41The last time, I didn't want to reconcile.
37:44I didn't have any desire.
37:46The kids were definitely older.
37:48I didn't need the family's financial support as much.
37:52Like, it just, it just, there wasn't a lot of reasons to work through it.
37:56I feel like we've needed an olive branch, the entire family.
38:00And, Janelle, you get the high honor of being the person I felt the safest with to start offering that olive branch.
38:08Oh, we did, we had a good, we had a, we had a great, like, like, I, I'm grateful for what we had.
38:15Yeah.
38:15I really am.
38:18Thank you.
38:18Yeah.
38:19Thank you for being cool about this.
38:21I'm glad you came.
38:22Make it easy.
38:25Like, it was a great relationship.
38:26I still care about him.
38:28And I think he still cares about me.
38:29But I don't, he's not in my life.
38:32And I'm not going to be in his life.
38:32And there's nothing there now.
38:36I wish he had a better relationship with the children.
38:38Because then, you know, then there would be a little bit more cohesion for the family.
38:43But I don't know.
38:44That's not, that's a long ways away, I suspect.
38:47I was thinking, though, um, Garrison can qualify, I think, for a military headstone.
38:54And I think he would love that.
38:55Because the military was a big part of his, like, what he loved, right?
38:58Okay.
38:59Yeah, he'd like a, what's this matter, filing paperwork?
39:01Yeah, and I've got half of it done.
39:04I mean, I guess if you wanted to come up and meet me there, we can do that.
39:07So would it just be you and I going there to replace the headstone?
39:10I'm okay.
39:10It doesn't have to be a big deal.
39:11Yeah, let's do it.
39:12We'll both go up there.
39:14Okay.
39:14I mean, that's fine.
39:15Like, we can just meet there or something.
39:17You know what I mean?
39:17Yeah.
39:18All right.
39:19Um, you know, I'm, I didn't know what to expect coming.
39:23I'm grateful for the experience, and I'm grateful he came.
39:26It's been healing to hear some of those things.
39:30That's a great idea.
39:30Thanks for meeting with me.
39:31I really appreciate it.
39:34I think it went very well.
39:37Janelle was very gracious.
39:38She was very kind.
39:39I felt like she made it easy to do this apology.
39:46Like, this is a pilgrimage, and I have planned it for so long, and I've needed this for four years.
39:54Boy, there's a lot of pressure.
39:57It gets windy.
39:58The door wasn't easy to open.
40:00Yeah.
40:01So.
40:01All right.
40:02Anyway.
40:03Thanks for meeting with me.
40:04I really appreciate it.
40:05We'll see you.
40:05All right.
40:06See you later.
40:06All right.
40:06Yeah, I've got two more wives to visit with.
40:15I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really, really wrong.
40:20This is my journey.
40:24This is something I am required to do.
40:27My hope is for them to receive it well.
40:31And if they don't, then we'll go back to God and say, what next?
40:37Do I do it again?
40:39I don't know.
40:46Next time on Sister Wives.
40:48Is there any part of you that would ever go back to Cody?
40:51I think at some point, I thought, what if he, like, what if we worked this out?
41:01This is the first time that Ron's been down here to Parowan and meeting all my friends.
41:09How is he going to act?
41:13It's weird, because we haven't really had a conversation since I left.
41:16Not really.
41:18Cody reached out to me and wanted to chat.
41:22I apologize.
41:24Here's the huge one.
41:26For saying I didn't love you.
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