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00:00Mr. Peter's making an announcement in assembly today!
00:03What?
00:04I think he's finally going to announce my three-tier campaign for change.
00:07No-one having to look at food in the canteen that makes them feel uncomfortable,
00:10the eradication of all JK Rowling books,
00:12and the creation of a safe space for all to thrive.
00:18Settle down.
00:19The last thing we need is everyone spreading false rumours.
00:22Chill.
00:24That, the winner gets 10 grand,
00:26an A-star GCSE of their choice,
00:28and a flea-big mac.
00:29That's boss, lad.
00:30Do you know what I told us after we shit up?
00:32Yeah, sorry.
00:33And it's a nine.
00:34Not an A-star.
00:35I heard it's just an announcement about a new deputy head.
00:38Michi Day.
00:40He's calling it.
00:41Proper.
00:42Dictator shit.
00:43And it's got to be Mrs. Roberts,
00:45because she's blackmailing them about exposing their affair.
00:48Are we going to be victims of an oppressor?
00:52Or are we going to stand up and fight back?
00:54Fight back!
00:55So who's with me?
00:57Yeah!
00:58Hey!
00:59Hey, Eddie's going to publicly expel you
01:01as he's found out about all the deepfake porn you've made of Mrs. Roberts.
01:05No!
01:06What are you on about, you?
01:07What are you on about, you?
01:08I've been everything.
01:09I've been everything.
01:10I've been everything.
01:11I've been everything.
01:12I've been everything.
01:13I'm everything.
01:14I've been everything that's it.
01:15I've been everything.
01:16good morning everyone as some of you may already be aware I wanted to use this
01:37assembly to discuss what it means to be part of Oldsbrook High School quiet this week marks the
01:48hundredth anniversary of our fine institution a hundred years of this school fueling futures
01:55building friendships molding minds so in honor of this momentous landmark we are going to host a
02:06celebration this Friday where pupils past and present can speak on how Oldsbrook has and will
02:15shape their legacy
02:17you all right yeah I'm all right are you all right I'm all right right so you're coming to sing on
02:28Friday then why are you giving a TED talk and I'll successfully cheat on your fella and I was thinking
02:33more of a TED talk of the dangers of online grooming oh well you have fun with that girl
02:37because on Friday I've got a tease yeah is he picking you up in the van and all
02:41I know you're not a fool
02:46I'm never gonna dance again guilty feet I've got no rhythm though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool
03:11I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that I've been given
03:19so I'm never gonna dance again the way I dance with you
03:24are not funny Reese and getting me here under the promise of free dried apricots isn't funny either
03:30it was one kiss lat I didn't mean it I'm sorry lad please
03:38oh shit what's that Ben I know that I'm your homie I ain't just gonna let that go
03:45you still up for the state though I don't want you freaking out on me
03:48I won't if you won't well let's make it interesting though
03:52how about a better
03:54go on then I reckon you're gonna get a bar ten sheet is way out of
03:58his league looks you're going higher all over I was thinking more I bet I can pick a better first
04:06date spot than you you're on lads anyway I'm used to all of that she's out of his league looks
04:11my ex was well fitter than you
04:13all right dad I've got this thing at school Friday evening thinking of speaking at it
04:23it's about how school shaped me legacy I was just wondering if you want to come down
04:28if not no worries just see you soon bye
04:33when was the last time you saw him
04:36son-o it's been a while
04:42I know you lad I can see you're a mess
04:48you almost lost your best mate Conor
04:51and then just when Clissy was getting over the death of his ma
04:55you break his heart again by kissing his bird and now you die brutally binge
04:59having already neglected you for like six
05:01it's a lot actually
05:04but don't worry lad mom's got a solution
05:08oh
05:10what's that when you know the future it's easier to prepare for it
05:15come on pick a number this one's for you ma
05:18five one two three four five
05:22Conor
05:23red
05:24hmm
05:28lad your ma's gonna run away with a waiter from Uzbekistan called Mustafo
05:34I've only does leave you a PS5 with FIFA though
05:37it's a black version like
05:40the runnings and the kickings
05:42we're gonna figure this all out
05:46that's what mates do in it
05:49come on
05:51here's your menus
05:58thank you
05:59thank you
05:59hmm
06:01not bad James
06:02not bad at all
06:03what admitting to feet already
06:04oh no
06:05this place is shy compared to the place that I've picked but
06:08good effort
06:09well I said online it's one of the best date spots in the city
06:12and clearly one of the most expensive too
06:15there I was thinking you were a regular
06:17he soon will be
06:21serious though mate
06:23you know what the best thing is about this place
06:25kidsy free
06:26kidsy free
06:30why don't I get as a bottle
06:33you're alright
06:34you really don't have to
06:35waiter waiter waiter
06:37I'm just gonna use the
06:41yeah
06:42so what are you getting you then
06:49what
06:51for going on the date with him
06:52oh no that's not
06:54don't worry girl
06:55we are all doing it
06:57get on this
06:59he bought me this today
07:03from new look and bootle strands
07:05oh go ahead
07:06I mean some girls get clothes to buy for a Chanel bag
07:10but it seems like you're living the dream
07:16thank you everybody
07:17for coming to this
07:18the 100th anniversary of Malzbrook School
07:20please take your way to the last of the event of 2021
07:27alright Todd
07:28sorry I'm only getting back to you now lad
07:29er
07:30look I'm
07:31I'm not gonna make you think
07:32it's not really my scene
07:34all that emotional stuff
07:35maybe ask your ma
07:36yeah
07:37but I tell you what
07:38you did stare something in me though
07:39with all that
07:40legacy chat
07:41I was having a proper good think about
07:43me own mark on the world
07:45and
07:46two words kept coming into me head
07:48top
07:50shagga
07:52I'm sick of you dad
07:54what if I'm not doing enough
08:01Ella
08:03you must keep going
08:05without you
08:06my world is full of plastic
08:08what if I'm doing the wrong thing
08:11the only wrong thing is to turn a blind eye
08:15to the suffering in the world
08:17but what if I don't want to see the destruction and misery of the world
08:21Ella
08:23this is your gift
08:25you must use it
08:28am I a voice to the voiceless?
08:31yes
08:32a voice to any and all who need you
08:38I don't need you
08:39I don't need you
08:42because we
08:43are
08:44one
08:45change you guilt
08:47get out
08:48guilt
08:49get out
08:50get out
08:51just trust
08:52the tables aren't going to shock you mate
08:56hey you keep your arms to your shelves
08:59hello Miss Brock
09:00it's your mind
09:01we've had our fun this year haven't we
09:03but I'm tired of the games
09:05the secrets
09:06the
09:07the
09:08lies
09:09so now
09:10it's
09:11time
09:12for the
09:13final
09:14reveal
09:16me
09:17she's there
09:33what?
09:34take it up
09:35take it up
09:36take it up
09:37take it up
09:38take it up
09:39take it up
09:40take it up
09:41yeah it was me
09:46Kieran Gibbons
09:48I am your ma
09:51why'd you do it lad?
09:52because I'm sick of not being noticed
09:54of being nothing more than Lewis's right hand lad
09:57that's not true lad
09:59isn't it?
10:00Mr Seven wanks a day
10:02taking in all the glory while I'm sat here tugging meself raw doing ten a day and no one gives a shite
10:06I give a shite lad
10:08I see you wankin
10:11Lewis
10:12get down
10:13and I see you for what it really is
10:14a cry for help
10:16I see you wankin lad
10:18listen
10:19I'm not perfect mate
10:21far from me
10:23some might even say I'm a bit of a perv
10:25yeah 100%
10:28but together
10:31we can help each other
10:33together
10:34we can be better
10:36wow
10:39oh
10:40what a beautiful example of self improved
10:43overcoming toxic masculinity
10:45hey
10:46hey
10:47play the video
10:48what video?
10:49the video
10:50the full thing
10:52no
10:53are we gonna see it?
10:54if this is what it takes
10:55to get you to believe me
10:56then so be it
10:57alright
10:58soon you'll meet the right girl
11:00and you'll want more too
11:01you reckon?
11:03of course you will
11:05everyone loves you
11:06I love you
11:11she's a bad slaggy
11:13what are you doing?
11:14I'm sorry I didn't mean it
11:16I love Christopher
11:17he's your mate
11:18I know I didn't mean anything by it
11:20just go home
11:21no way lad
11:22I do not mean to kiss someone
11:24you fucked it lad
11:25you fucked it lad
11:26amy I'm so sorry
11:28yeah well it's a bit late for that now isn't it?
11:30cause if I need to provide evidence
11:32every time something goes wrong
11:34if you can't trust me
11:35then this isn't gonna work
11:36well looky fella
11:37well looky fella
11:39just want to see you lad
11:40no
11:41alright
11:44I admit
11:47you did pretty good at this one
11:49pretty good?
11:50it's perfect
11:52it's just a
11:53shit Leo DiCaprio
11:55shit Leo DiCaprio
11:57almost perfect
12:01hey come here
12:02I've found a list of essential first aid questions
12:05whoa hold on
12:07didn't realise I'd signed up for an interview
12:09well they're essential James
12:11the internet says so
12:12right
12:13if you could swap lives
12:15with any fictional character for the day
12:17who would it be and why?
12:19erm
12:20Winnie the Pooh?
12:22no just chill and eating honey with the boys
12:25and sack off E.O. the little Muppet
12:27what's the funniest memory you've created recently?
12:33hmm
12:35can I say
12:37any time I've been with you?
12:39you can
12:43oh here's a good one
12:44where did you see yourself in five years?
12:46it's a big one eh?
12:47is it?
12:48well yeah well
12:49where do you see yourself in five years?
12:51er
12:52in me mansion
12:53swimming in all me e-sports money
12:54and smoking cigars obviously
12:56but like seriously though like
12:59do you ever think about that stuff?
13:01like the future and all that?
13:02like
13:03do you want to have kids?
13:04settle down?
13:05er calm down
13:06we've only just met
13:07you know what I mean?
13:09not now but like
13:10do you think you will?
13:12well
13:13probably not in five years now
13:15there's so much that I want to do
13:17like
13:18like
13:19when I'm 21
13:21I'm going to want to
13:23see the world
13:25try different jobs and
13:28go on loads of adventures
13:31what?
13:33it's just that
13:35when I'm 21 I'm
13:38I'm going to want my world to get bigger aren't I?
13:41you'll be 30 and
13:44you'll want your world to get smaller
13:47just kids
13:48the house
13:49settle down
13:50we don't know the future
13:51yeah I know that but
13:54I do know that the longer that we do this the more painful it's going to get
13:57what happened to not throwing this away because we're scared
14:00it's not about being scared it's about just
14:02being brave enough to see what's coming
14:04so all that stuff you said the other night
14:06I meant it like I want this to work
14:07so let's make it work
14:08it does work but
14:09it doesn't matter how good things are now
14:12it's just never going to be enough to deal with what's coming
14:17please don't do this
14:20you know it's almost as if
14:21it's just
14:23out of our control
14:25because it's going to happen whether we like it or not
14:29that's why this has to end James
14:32I'm sorry
14:39it's Paul Potts wasn't it?
14:52Paul Potts, Rhys
14:53but I know it was you
15:08it had Rhys Duffy written on over it
15:10mind you most of the pupils in this school wouldn't have a clue who he was
15:14you see I know you Rhys
15:21I know you because I used to be like you
15:25always playing the fool for an easier life where nobody expected anything
15:31the trouble with that is
15:33you carry on like that out in the big wide world and
15:36people believed that's who you are
15:39there's no going back
15:42that your speech?
15:45it was
15:47if anyone should make a speech at you Rhys
15:51there's no greater example of what this school is all about than you
15:54you've tried to exclude me six times
15:58yeah I know
16:00and you're still here
16:02because this school believes in bringing our potential
16:06helping our pupils see the talent they have and
16:08not be scared by it
16:10so you suck up everything this school has to offer
16:14and when you're older
16:16you suck up everything this school has to offer
16:20and when you're older
16:21you'll be glad you did
16:33thank you sir
16:35you're welcome
16:38by the way
16:39you're on your final warning for what you did on the museum trip
16:41what did I do?
16:43I know it was you that told those Japanese tourists that I'm
16:47Morgan Freeman
16:51I can't always be
16:56hi everyone
16:58I'm Mr Dunn
17:01as you all know
17:02I'm your teacher
17:04anyway
17:06tonight I am going to read a poem
17:08that I wrote for someone
17:10who has been with me throughout my Holzbrook journey
17:13someone who is very special to me
17:15it's called the night she needed him most
17:20a young boy
17:24a young girl
17:27a cycle of friendship
17:29to romance
17:31to friendship
17:32once more
17:34to the night she learned her life would change
17:37forever
17:38the night where she was crippled with fear
17:41panic
17:43worry
17:45for what the future held
17:48but it was on this night that he
17:51disappeared
17:55consumed with fears of his own
17:58the years passed
18:00and we grew
18:02but whilst her fears would disappear
18:04his regret
18:06lingered
18:08time
18:10moved forward
18:12but he could only look back
18:15wishing he could do it all differently
18:18just wishing he could return
18:21and be there for her
18:24on the night she needed him most
18:26what the hell was that?
18:34it didn't even run
18:45I wasted 16 years for that
18:47please walk around
18:49Mr. Meteor
18:51who will be giving his final address shortly
18:52Did I miss the TED talk?
19:01What are you doing here?
19:03Bunch of boring old dickheads giving speeches about how the school's saying it's boring old dickheads.
19:08Oh, could I miss that?
19:15I answered things with James.
19:16What?
19:18Because of me?
19:19Nah, Gail.
19:20Because of me.
19:22Hey, come on.
19:29At least you managed to escape that van of his.
19:33I have to speak about this girl, Harry Sheffar legacy.
19:37What the fuck?
19:38I knew something was going on.
19:40Is this what you've been doing?
19:42Come around being a slag with old William Shightsby?
19:45Nah, fuck this.
19:47Shit.
19:48Rhys!
19:50Rhys!
19:50Rhys!
19:53Don't make me run after you, lad.
19:55And how dare you speak to me like that?
19:56Sorry, I...
19:57What, is that what you think of me?
19:58I'm a big slag.
19:59No, why?
20:00Because I'm going out, God forbid, trying to have my own life, working another job.
20:05One other job?
20:08Mum.
20:09I'm a housing officer.
20:12I got the job a couple of months ago.
20:14It's why I've been too busy all the time.
20:16Why didn't you tell me?
20:17Because I was scared I was going to fuck it up.
20:24I don't want you to think that I'm a failure.
20:27I'd never think that.
20:29I know you'll absolutely smash it.
20:32And even if you didn't, you'll never be a failure.
20:37Not to me.
20:39Look, Mum, I'm sorry for what I said.
20:41It's just me head's been...
20:42What?
20:45What's going on, son?
20:47I just feel like everyone's moving on.
20:50You, the lads, even me dad doesn't have time for me.
20:54And he's not even been around long.
20:57If everyone's moving on, where does that leave me?
21:01Oh, no.
21:02The day I had you was the best day of my life.
21:07And just because I've got to try and figure out
21:10who I'm going to be outside of being your mum
21:12doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop being your mum.
21:16I'm always going to be there for you.
21:19No matter what.
21:20Do you understand me?
21:23You listen to me, kid.
21:25Just because your dad is too thick
21:27to realise what he's missing by not being in your life.
21:30Fuck him.
21:34Me and you, kiddo.
21:36Always has been, always will be.
21:38OK?
21:39I know.
21:40Yeah.
21:42Mr. Zollong.
21:44I'm not your mum.
21:50We've come to the end of what's been quite a
21:52unpredictable evening.
21:54And I'd like to thank you all for coming along and helping it.
21:57Excuse me.
22:00Sure?
22:01Well, to see us off, a few final words from Reece Duffy.
22:09Yes, last class, Reece Duffy.
22:13So, ehm, you were asked to speak about the school
22:19and how it shaped our legacy.
22:22But to be honest with you, apart from that absolute screamer,
22:25I scored at most times.
22:26I don't know what my legacy is going to be, so I've made this thing I want to show you instead.
22:33I feel like it's more concrete, more real, more presence.
22:38There is just no better feeling than being stuffed in every hole by three big piping hot cocks.
22:53One cock, injustice.
22:55Two cocks, injustice.
22:58Three cocks, justice.
23:00Did you get that?
23:01Oh, that's it.
23:02Oh, that's it.
23:04Oh, that's it.
23:06Oh, that's it.
23:07Don't.
23:08Don't use it.
23:09Hey.
23:10Get in.
23:11Hey.
23:12Hey.
23:13Hey.
23:14Hey.
23:15Reece.
23:16Hey, sir.
23:17Following young girls into alleyways, are we now, sir?
23:19No.
23:20Not getting any at home, are you, sir?
23:21Why physically repulsive, are you, sir?
23:23So you prey on teenage girls because you think you can manipulate us, sir?
23:26Finally giving in to your sick ages, have you now, sir?
23:29I've been to your best chance, sir.
23:31See, I say...
23:32Oi, sir!
23:33A young boy, a young girl.
23:35What?
23:36I say you're a nun to you, you know.
23:38Give me that back and delete that.
23:40Right!
23:41Don't see your name!
23:42Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
23:50Now, your journey is about pursuing excellence in everything that you do, whether it's in the
23:58classroom, sports field, even in your friendships.
24:02Excellence is not just about being the best.
24:04It's about the...
24:05Oh!
24:06Give me that bullet!
24:07Oh!
24:08Oh!
24:09Here we go.
24:10Free stuffy like a whipper on the field.
24:11Free stuffy.
24:12Oh!
24:13Oh!
24:14Good boys, you've done it again!
24:16Oh!
24:17Oh!
24:18What's going on?
24:19Feel it?
24:20Feel it?
24:21What's going on?
24:22Someone call the medic.
24:23Are you having a seizure?
24:24Look at this whopper!
24:28How do we feel about that, girls?
24:29Shut up, you posh wanker.
24:30Oh!
24:31Oh!
24:32Okay!
24:33Very funny, but can we all just...
24:34Give me a pair of necklace!
24:36Seriously, Mr Meachin is trying to...
24:38I'm on me now!
24:39Please!
24:40Now, if you all don't stop, I'm going to...
24:42Finish your Meachin!
24:43Mr Meachin!
24:44Oh my God, that's Mr Dunn.
24:46Is that a tear, are you say?
24:47Crying arse.
24:48You're regretting your life choices, are you, sir?
24:50Wasted your life on a career you're not cut out for, sir?
24:53Just fuck off!
24:54Philip!
24:56Come and see me in my office.
25:01If you don't tell me who it is, I'm going to come down so hard and all around!
25:05Oh my God!
25:07Sir!
25:08It's behind you!
25:09Yeah, over there!
25:11Mr Meachin!
25:12Let me rub that phone in!
25:14Yes!
25:17I love that!
25:18Hey!
25:19Come on!
25:20Go on, girl!
25:21That's where you might be into, bro!
25:22Go on!
25:23What?
25:24What?
25:25What was that?
25:26A Duffy!
25:27Shhh!
25:28Shhh!
25:29Shhh!
25:30What now?
25:31Your shit!
25:32Your shit!
25:33Your shit!
25:34Matt, hang on.
25:35What is this?
25:36What's going on here?
25:37A few breaks, crap!
25:44She's gone!
25:46Amy, she's gonna be the next Jordy Coleman!
25:54And Chrissy wants the boner!
25:56Who's yours?
25:57Walk away, walk away.
26:00Mo Fassi, the lad who's always got your back.
26:05Unless your Steelers has the Mini Flap Jackson.
26:08Walk away, walk away.
26:11Connor Bell, his brain cells are sparse
26:16and they're obsessed with my ma's arse.
26:19Walk away, walk away.
26:23Osbrook icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
26:30Just walk away, walk away, walk away.
26:36If you have got a sexual disease, you probably got it from my Louise.
26:44Just walk away, walk away.
26:48We're crazy, the poshest Muppets I've never known.
26:53But he's still one of our owners.
26:56Walk away, walk away.
26:59Osbrook icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
27:05Just walk away, walk away, walk away.
27:10Osbrook icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
27:15They come in the fam!
27:17Yeah!
27:18Yeah!
27:19Come on!
27:20Come on!
27:21Woo-hoo!
27:22Lads, have you got a bonus?
27:23No!
27:32Cos what I do know is that right now what we have is special.
27:36It's special because these are the best years of our life.
27:39Everything you feel, you feel it more deeply than you ever will again.
27:44Cos you're feeling it for the first time.
27:47Like, the first time you fall in love.
27:52The first time you feel the pain of losing your best friend.
27:57The first time you feel a bond you'll know you'll have forever.
28:02The first time you feel valued is someone you look up to.
28:07So let's not run away from it.
28:09Let's run towards it.
28:11Let's appreciate it.
28:12Let's embrace it.
28:13Let's make the fucking most of it.
28:16Yeah!
28:17Roots! Roots! Roots!
28:33Rebel, rebel, put on your dress.
28:37Rebel, rebel, your face is a mess.
28:41Rebel, rebel, how could they know?
28:45Hot tramp, I love you so.
28:48Don't you?
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