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00:00Letting us be ourselves
00:01So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:03These simple lines be good for your health
00:06Keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live love life like you just don't care
00:10Five thousand leaders never scared
00:13Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:15Get up, just a little beautiful idea
00:17Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, it's shit
00:21Get up, get up, get up
00:27Take off your prosthetic leg
00:33Replace it with a rocket
00:34And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:36It's Friday, we're live
00:37And it's time for the last leg
00:38Tonight on the show
00:41The Ukraine peace deal keeps repeating on it
00:44We digest another weird week of politics
00:47And we'll serve up a taster
00:49For stand-up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:53Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
00:55On the show that tries its best
00:57To stomach the news
00:58Who am I going to wink at?
01:04Who am I going to wink at?
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:10Welcome to the last leg
01:11The show that heard Netflix has bought
01:13Warner Brothers
01:13And now can't wait for Voldemort's
01:15Edgy stand-up special
01:16With me as always
01:17With the pride of Dartmoor
01:18Josh Whittacombe
01:19And the man who was described
01:20By an AI app last week
01:21As having a unique limb situation
01:24Alex Brooker
01:25We will cover that in a second
01:34As well as today's bizarre World Cup draw
01:36But Josh, it has been a sad time
01:38In your house this week
01:39It's been a sad time
01:41We've lost
01:42Well not lost
01:43Our hamster
01:44I don't need to
01:45Our hamster's died
01:46I know
01:47We've all been
01:48You told me that last week
01:50And I thought
01:50Oh, I feel really sad
01:51For the small ginger squeaky thing
01:53Where is he going?
01:56What's this joke going to be?
01:57I don't know where
01:58You're talking about the hamster
02:00Surely, aren't you?
02:01No, because his hamster died
02:03Oh
02:03Amazing
02:04Yeah
02:05I'll tell you what, Hillsy
02:07On that
02:08Because I really bonded
02:09With the hamster
02:10Because, you know
02:11You think about
02:11No, you think about it
02:12And he's
02:13Tell me about his little pink hands
02:15And his
02:15Yeah
02:19His furry little face
02:21And the way he always
02:23Shits in the same corner of the room
02:25And
02:25It's all a bit of fun
02:28But anyway
02:28A hamster died
02:29Yeah
02:30But the problem was
02:32The ground
02:32You go and bury him
02:34In the garden
02:34Yeah
02:35Yeah
02:35But the ground
02:37Because it's been
02:38It's winter
02:39I'm aware
02:39Yeah
02:40It's frozen
02:41So we couldn't dig a hole
02:43Yeah
02:43So we had to put him in our freezer
02:45Someone had the weirdest reaction to that
02:49I've ever heard
02:49So there's a hamster in your freezer
02:51We've had a hamster in our freezer
02:53What, like, lying in steak?
02:55Lying in steak
02:56Lying on steaks
02:58What, what have you got, like
03:01David Beckham queuing up to pay his respects?
03:05Yeah, so we had a hamster in our freezer
03:07Right
03:08Um, he was dead
03:09Just to be clear
03:10Because obviously
03:11If we got it wrong
03:12Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:13And then in like a thousand years
03:15He'd come back to life
03:16And then he'd have gone
03:17I don't understand what's changed
03:19Because I'm a hamster
03:19Yeah, exactly
03:20Yeah
03:20But so we then had to buy
03:22A spade off Amazon
03:23You bought a spade?
03:25I bought a spade off Amazon
03:26Well, did your bank call you
03:28And say there's been some unusual activity
03:30On your bank?
03:30It's an odd thing to buy on Amazon
03:34Why?
03:35I don't know
03:36It's just like
03:36What's your like
03:37You're
03:38You may also like
03:39Cable ties
03:40Gaffer tape
03:41I'm falling
03:43How are the kids taking it?
03:47So my son
03:48My daughter was a bit upset
03:49Yeah
03:50But my son, who's four
03:51That's kind of
03:52This is what they say about pets
03:54Isn't it?
03:54It teaches them about death
03:55And he started to get sad
03:59I think he realised
04:00We were going to die
04:00For the first time
04:01So that was quite sad
04:02Well, yeah
04:02Because he's going to need
04:03A bigger freezer
04:04He'd fit in one of them
04:08Family chest lights
04:10We are live on your telly right now
04:12You can ask us any questions
04:13About the news
04:14Messages on Instagram
04:15The hashtags
04:16Is it okay?
04:17WhatsApp
04:17The number is
04:1807956175908
04:20Or you can scan the QR code
04:22On your screen
04:22For example
04:23Is it okay that last week
04:24On the show
04:25We asked an AI app
04:26To describe Alex
04:27And this is what it said
04:28What do you make of his hands?
04:33Yeah, so I do notice
04:35That he's got a prosthetic arm
04:36Or kind of a
04:37Unique limb situation
04:39Going on there
04:39A unique limb situation
04:41What do you make of his hands?
04:45A what situation?
04:47A unique limb situation
04:49I'll tell you what
04:51Thank you AI
04:52You are one of the nicest people
04:54On earth
04:55I mean I've never wanted
04:56To start a band
04:57But unique limb situation
04:59It's actually a lie
05:04I did want to start a band
05:05A few years ago
05:06And I just
05:07Never managed to get
05:08Atomic mitten off the ground
05:09I love that even AI
05:13Is worried about being cancelled
05:15So politically correct
05:18So tonight
05:19We're very proud to say
05:20At the end of the show
05:20We are going to bring you
05:21The world exclusive debut
05:23Of Alex's new band
05:25Unique Limb Situation
05:27Or as we like to call them
05:29ULS
05:29We've been talking about
05:32During the week
05:32What the album would be called
05:33I'm really pushing for
05:35The notorious PIP
05:36I think the best of album
05:39Will just be called
05:39The incomplete ULS
05:41Never mind the bollocks
05:42Look at his arms
05:43Of your
05:50One for the Phil Collins fans
05:52Short jacket required
05:54Lovely
05:55Lovely
05:56I find it funny
05:57I don't get it
05:58Well because of your arms
06:02Yeah no
06:02I've got it
06:02By the way
06:04We asked AI
06:05To design
06:06Design a few band posters
06:07Depending on which genre
06:08Alex decided to go with
06:09He came up with an emo version
06:11Now that guy looks like
06:15He keeps hamsters
06:16In his freezer
06:17Yeah that's a band called
06:21He really needs the cure
06:22Or Cripnot
06:24I can't decide
06:25And then it came up
06:27With the country version
06:29I look like
06:31Why do I look like
06:32Crocodile Dundee
06:34That's not a thump
06:36Alright the big story this week
06:40Is that there's still
06:41No peace in Ukraine
06:42Mainly because Russia
06:43Wants an extra peace
06:43Of Ukraine
06:44Now look we haven't
06:45Talked much about this
06:46During the series
06:47So let's cover the basics
06:47A few weeks ago
06:49The US hammered out
06:50A peace deal
06:50Between Russia and Ukraine
06:52With the help of Russia
06:53But not Ukraine
06:54It basically gave Russia
06:55Everything they wanted
06:56Including land
06:57They've taken during the war
06:58And some land
06:59They haven't even captured yet
07:01The only thing not offered
07:02To Putin was a back rub
07:03From Vladimir Zelensky
07:04The deal was then
07:05Taken to Ukraine
07:06Who said
07:07And pardon my Australian
07:08You fucking what?
07:09Ukraine then suggested
07:11A few changes to the deal
07:12Which was taken back
07:13To Putin
07:14Who this week said
07:14No I want the original deal
07:16And I will take that back rub
07:17Lads
07:18I just
07:19I just
07:21He's so snide
07:22Isn't he
07:23Vladimir Putin
07:23This is what I've come
07:24This is
07:25This is my geopolitical analysis
07:27Of him
07:27I just think
07:28He's just
07:29I'm fucking bored of him
07:31It's just always
07:32Ever since we started
07:33He's always moaning
07:34He's always shithousing
07:36He's always threatening
07:37And I just think
07:38At this stage of him now
07:39He's basically
07:40He's just like a Twitter troll
07:42With nuclear weapons
07:43Yep
07:43Pretty much
07:44I love that Alex is bored of him
07:47And that's the most
07:48But you know what I mean
07:49He's like
07:49No no no
07:50The most threatening man
07:51On the world
07:51But is he though
07:52No
07:53Because he's like
07:53You know he's just sort of
07:54Geezer
07:54You know if you're like
07:55If you go on a stag do
07:56Yeah
07:56And it's like
07:57Everything's planned
07:57But there's one who goes
07:58Oh I don't want to go
07:59I don't want to go to the brewery
08:00Yeah
08:01And it's like
08:01What do you want to do Vlad
08:02He's like
08:02Paintball in again
08:04Just so you can wear
08:05The fucking camouflage
08:06He won't
08:08He's just
08:08He's a man
08:09Unable to accept a deal
08:10He will never accept
08:11Have you seen his celebrity edition
08:13Of deal or no deal
08:14He won't even take the call
08:15I saw him in boots
08:18And he got three items
08:20Carrot stick
08:20Sandwich
08:21And the drink
08:22And he
08:22Happy to play for them all separately
08:24Well the truth is
08:26Vladimir Putin has no reason
08:27To back down
08:28Because Donald Trump
08:29Has said that if a deal
08:29Isn't done
08:30He'll just walk away from it all
08:32Which is an incentive
08:33For Putin
08:34To not do a deal
08:35Because then the only people
08:36Sticking up for Ukraine
08:36Would be Europe
08:37And Putin is not scared of Europe
08:39All right
08:39Put it this way
08:40Imagine if you saw
08:41Conor McGregor
08:42Kicking the shit out of
08:43Josh on the street
08:44Whilst trying to steal his wallet
08:45Right
08:46And Josh is there going
08:47Oh no
08:48You're not having my wallet
08:49Sorry
08:51What's going on
08:52By the way
08:53Conor McGregor
08:53Hasn't even got you
08:54In a chokehold
08:55In that impression
08:55No
08:57He's like
08:57Don't take my wallet
08:58So you take
08:59Conor McGregor aside
09:00You only
09:01I wouldn't keep talking
09:03I lost my hand
09:05I'm stuck
09:06Don't you fucking start
09:08So you take
09:10Conor McGregor aside
09:11And you say
09:11All right
09:11What would it take
09:12For you to stop
09:13Kicking the shit out of
09:13Josh
09:14And he says
09:14Well give me his wallet
09:15Oh you're not doing
09:16His accent
09:16I see
09:17Irish
09:19Come on mate
09:19Have some balls
09:20It's not
09:21It's not the Irish
09:22It's just
09:23I reckon
09:23I can take you
09:24I agree
09:28So then Josh compromises
09:30And Josh says
09:31Okay he can have the cash
09:32But I need
09:32I need my library card
09:34So you go back
09:36To Conor McGregor
09:37Who says
09:37No I want the wallet
09:38The library card
09:39And now I want
09:40His inhaler as well
09:41Now imagine if you then said
09:42Well if you guys
09:43Can't sort this out
09:44I'm walking away
09:45Conor McGregor's just
09:46Going to keep
09:46Kicking the shit out of
09:47Josh until he gets
09:48What he wants
09:49Meanwhile Europe
09:50Are live streaming
09:50The whole thing
09:51On tiktok
09:51With the hashtag
09:52I stand with josh
09:53It's a lovely analogy
09:55Thank you
09:56And it's good
09:57That you've made it
09:57Something that
09:58Everyone understands
09:59That might happen
09:59I two problems
10:01Number one
10:02While you're talking
10:03To Conor McGregor
10:04Yep
10:05I'm running
10:06The fuck off
10:07Okay
10:07Yeah
10:08But number two
10:08I don't have a wallet
10:09Because it's 2025
10:10And no one has
10:11Wallets anymore
10:12I have a wallet
10:12What?
10:13I have a wallet
10:14Do you?
10:14Who has a wallet?
10:15Am I the only one
10:16Here that has a wallet?
10:17Some
10:18Oh my god
10:18Most people don't have
10:19Wallets
10:20Most people don't have
10:20Wallets anymore
10:20It's called a phone mate
10:22It does everything
10:22In the same way
10:23I don't carry around
10:24A compass
10:25You
10:28What's your wallet?
10:29What have you got?
10:30I've got
10:30I've got a
10:31There you go
10:33Is that weird?
10:35No
10:35It's thick
10:37For 2025
10:37What's even in there?
10:39Why is it so thick?
10:40What is it made of?
10:41Have you killed a crocodile?
10:42Oh no it's actually made of an upcycled British fire hose
10:46What so there's like a fireman somewhere going there's a fucking hole in this here
10:50What is it?
10:52What is it?
10:52I describe it as downcycled because one was saving lives and now one's your wallet
10:57That is the most Australian thing ever is to have to have a wallet that can withstand fire
11:04I've got Australian credit cards
11:11I've got British credit cards
11:13I've got
11:13Adam are you in financial trouble?
11:15He spent all his money on the wallet
11:17I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland
11:21Is that weird?
11:22No that's nice
11:23I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:25Oh that's nice
11:26See I'd have absolutely put big money in you having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:30Do you know what I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:33On my phone like every other phone
11:35So back to Ukraine
11:38How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:41Trump can't do it
11:42Zelensky can't do it
11:43Europe can't do it
11:44Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:46And we think we know just the man
11:49In a world on the brink of war
11:52Only one man can save the planet
11:55Your mission should you choose to accept it
11:58Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:00And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:04Oh go on then
12:06I'll do it
12:08When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:11Alan Carr goes deep
12:14You can trust me
12:16The ultimate traitor
12:19Alan Carr is
12:21Double O-H
12:22Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:27That's right
12:28I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:31It won't surprise you to know
12:42Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:44Alright let's welcome tonight's guest
12:46He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:48She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:50Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:51Welcome to you both
13:11Did you just curtsy to the...
13:12I did I don't know what happened there
13:14I loved it
13:14I think it's the tree and everything
13:16I just feel very curtsy
13:18Look on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:21How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out Guz?
13:25I reckon
13:26Look it's a very complicated situation
13:27Yeah
13:28Very sensitive situation
13:29Yeah
13:29I reckon they should just swing it out
13:31So I think we should just set up
13:33Like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:36Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky
13:39Or vice versa
13:40Yeah
13:40People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:42But I think perpetual war is worse
13:44Yeah, yeah
13:46I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:49I reckon we make a load of money
13:50I'll be the agent
13:51I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:53And make some money as well
13:54But yeah, I'd like to see him fight
13:55I think it's a good idea
13:56I love you've made this a money-making exercise for you
14:00Yes
14:00And would Zelensky be topless?
14:04I mean, if they pay extra
14:06If you pay extra
14:07I think Putin would be topless
14:10Whether you paid or not
14:11And on a horse at all times
14:13I would solve it
14:15I think at this point
14:16The only thing to do
14:17Is shared custody
14:19Of Ukraine?
14:21I think it's shared custody of the borders
14:23Right
14:23So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:26Yeah
14:27Russia weekends
14:28And then on a bank holiday
14:30They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:33And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:36All right
14:38We're going to get back to the news
14:39Because some weird stuff happened today
14:41That a load of you messaged about
14:42It was Donald Trump
14:44While Donald Trump's peace pan for Ukraine
14:45Hit the skids
14:46How relaxed am I, by the way
14:47While Donald Trump's peace pan hit the skids
14:49He was in his element
14:51As the draw for next year's World Cup took place
14:53There were performances from Robbie Williams
14:55And the village people
14:56Once again prompting the world to ask
14:57What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
14:59I love that they're going to have the YMCA
15:02For all the gay footballers
15:04Well they did sing YMCA
15:07And this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it
15:10Looking as always
15:11Like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:13You've got to know
15:17This is the one thing
15:19No man
15:20You're from all my stuff
15:22It's great isn't it?
15:26That's a sick guy
15:28And then I love one of them
15:30He just went whoop and up
15:31Melania's smiling
15:33But you know in her head
15:35She's thinking
15:35What a prick
15:36So earlier in the ceremony
15:39And this is the thing
15:40That everyone's talking about today
15:41Donald Trump was awarded
15:42The first ever FIFA peace prize
15:44And it was presented to him
15:46By Gianni Infantino
15:47There it is
15:49Look at that award
15:49Even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:52The inaugural bellendore
15:54Lovely
15:58That is
16:00That's good humour
16:02In a complete coincidence
16:04By the way
16:05In July this year
16:06FIFA opened an office
16:08In Trump Tower
16:09In New York City
16:10Which means Infantino
16:12Basically gave a trophy
16:13To his landlord
16:14And if you're wondering
16:15How the award has gone down
16:16Among the British public
16:17Check out the likes
16:18Versus dislikes
16:19On this illuminating post
16:20On the BBC
16:21You have to say
16:25Who the fuck
16:26Are those 266
16:28Absolute losers
16:29Did you see all the stuff today
16:31What did you think
16:31It was incredible to watch
16:33Obviously like
16:34The village people
16:35Coming out at the end
16:36It was absolutely batshit
16:37Because they're dancing
16:38But everyone's turned
16:39Their backs on them
16:40Already going out
16:40But it was
16:41I think the Americans
16:42They need to kind of get
16:43They need to kind of
16:44Get the terminology
16:45Right
16:46Because
16:46Ike Casillas
16:47Who won the World Cup
16:48With Spain
16:49A goalkeeper
16:49Was interviewed
16:50By a reporter
16:51And Rio Ferdinand
16:52Used to play for England
16:53Is on stage
16:54And he asks
16:55He asked Ike Casillas
16:56If Rio Ferdinand
16:57Has ever scored on him
16:59Which sounds like
17:00Something very different
17:01Yeah I scored on his face
17:03I scored
17:04Earlier in the week
17:07Trump seemed to fall asleep
17:08In a meeting
17:09In which Marco Rubio
17:10Was bigging him up
17:11Here's the shocking footage
17:12But the opportunity
17:15To do that
17:15Under these new trade deals
17:17Is unprecedented
17:18Of crypto
17:19In the retirement investments
17:21And we're seeing
17:22More and more of that
17:23Where we also
17:24Rescinded the supplemental statement
17:26That discouraged the fiduciaries
17:28All these things
17:29Mr. President
17:29I think you deserve
17:30Tremendous credit
17:31For the transformational aspect
17:32Of our foreign policy
17:33For the first time
17:34In probably four decades
17:36I mean
17:38Can you blame me
17:40What's going on?
17:41No you can't blame me
17:42Look there's
17:42There's a lot
17:43That you can get
17:44On his case for
17:44Yeah
17:45Like his politics
17:46Apparently he's got
17:48A very tiny willies
17:49The size of a jelly top
17:50That's what I read online
17:51Yep
17:51There's a lot
17:52But falling asleep
17:53At 160 years old
17:56Is there anybody
17:58In the audience
17:59Today who's like
18:00Over the age of 80
18:01Anybody
18:01They're asleep
18:03They can't answer
18:03They're asleep
18:04Leave them alone man
18:07I'm comfortable
18:07You're sleeping man
18:08I think it's the most
18:08Normal thing he's ever done
18:10That he's had a nap
18:11What's not normal
18:13The reason he was tired
18:14Did you see that
18:15He did 150 posts
18:17The night before
18:18Yes
18:19So he's using social media
18:20Like a teenage girl
18:22Which is I think
18:23Why Epstein's so fond of him
18:25You're exactly right
18:35Have you ever had anyone
18:36Fall asleep in front of you
18:37Like when you're on stage
18:38Maybe
18:38Yeah I have
18:39Have you
18:40That's so rude
18:41Somebody do that
18:41Yeah and I think
18:42It was worse
18:43For me
18:44Because it was my
18:44First ever
18:45Edinburgh show
18:46And the guy that fell asleep
18:47Was the only guy
18:49In the audience
18:50He was the only
18:51Audience member
18:52What
18:52It was called Norman
18:54It was raining
18:55He came in
18:56To have a little read
18:57And he fell asleep
18:58I still did the whole show
18:59And I respect him
19:01Shout out to Norman
19:02Big up Norman
19:03He's asleep
19:04This time last year
19:08We gave out
19:08Our inaugural
19:09Hands Awards
19:11To people we deem
19:12To be our heroes
19:13Of the year
19:13I don't know if you remember
19:14We used to give out
19:14The dick of the year
19:15But to be honest
19:15We started to feel like
19:17There were too many dicks
19:17In the world
19:18To narrow it down
19:18To just one
19:19And this year
19:19Has kind of become
19:20A dick apocalypse
19:21So tonight
19:22We're kicking off
19:23The search for this year's
19:24Hands Award winners
19:25Named in honour
19:26Of our Paralympic mascot
19:27This guy
19:28Now that's a handsy trophy
19:30We want you to nominate
19:31Worthy winners
19:32For the 2025
19:33Hands Awards
19:34It could be someone
19:35Internationally famous
19:36Someone locally known
19:37Maybe even just
19:38Your personal hero
19:39I'm going to go around
19:40The houses
19:41Who are you nominating
19:42I want to nominate
19:43Five people
19:44Five
19:45For me
19:48The best musical reunion
19:49Of the year
19:50Wow
19:50Okay
19:51Josh
19:51So mine's musical as well
19:53But this week
19:54I did my Spotify
19:55Raptor
19:56It gives you your stats
19:57For the year
19:57And I found out
19:59That I am in
20:00The 0.7%
20:02Highest
20:03On earth
20:05Fans
20:06Of Sabrina Carpenter
20:07Wow
20:08Yes
20:10And I'd love to say
20:11That it's my daughter
20:12But she has her own Spotify
20:13But I went to see her
20:15Earlier in the year
20:15With my daughter
20:16We had the best time
20:17And then she slagged off
20:18Donald Trump this week
20:19She's a legend
20:20Her music's brilliant
20:21Plus
20:22I love the idea
20:23That our production team
20:25Have now got a week
20:25To try and give one of those
20:27To the most famous person
20:28On earth
20:28Also
20:30We have to dress them up
20:31In the outfit
20:32Of the person
20:33And it's going to be
20:33A very racy hands-off
20:35Guz
20:37There's a lot of people
20:40Yep
20:40But I reckon
20:41Zora Mamdani
20:42I feel bad for politicians
20:44Who I know
20:44Are about to get caned
20:45Racially
20:46Because of the religious beliefs
20:48That they follow
20:48And we communicated
20:50Online as well
20:51Did you?
20:51Yeah
20:51An heir of New York
20:53Communicated with you online
20:54That's correct
20:54He's a big fan of mine
20:55Like Mobeen
20:55He says he likes my comedy
20:56No way
20:57He's aired me
20:58Since he's become the mayor
20:59So I don't know how I feel
21:01About him anymore
21:01We'll see how the next six months
21:02Brings us
21:03Yeah
21:03Him for sure
21:04He's got too big for you
21:05Yeah
21:06Already
21:06He only just won as well
21:08Wanker
21:08LAUGHTER
21:09LAUGHTER
21:10Uh, Amy?
21:13Um, so
21:14It was going to be
21:15A woman who was at the edge
21:17Of scientific discovery
21:19And space
21:20Katy Perry
21:20But
21:21But I had, um, a hospital appointment today
21:26Just routine
21:27If my parents are watching
21:28And, um, I said I'd give the doctor a shout out
21:31Because he was so great
21:32And, crucially, very hot
21:34LAUGHTER
21:35If you're listening
21:37I'm shooting my shot
21:38LAUGHTER
21:39What was his name?
21:40So hot
21:41Wow
21:41What was his name?
21:43Can I am allowed to say?
21:44Yeah, say it
21:45Oh, you might not be
21:46Say the hospital
21:46Who knows who it is?
21:47He said he's going to be watching
21:49I think Dr Patient Confidentiality
21:53Works the other way
21:54I'm going to nominate
22:00Celia Imry
22:01Oh
22:02For this excruciating demonstration
22:04Of how to own your own embarrassment
22:06On the traders
22:06Welcome to the worst
22:09Team building away day
22:11Experience in history
22:14LAUGHTER
22:16What just happened?
22:20I just found it, Claudia
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22LAUGHTER
22:22A hundred percent
22:25A hundred percent
22:27APPLAUSE
22:28All right, nominate whoever you think deserves to win a Hands Award
22:34On WhatsApp or Instagram
22:35Use the hashtag showofhands
22:36And make sure you spell it hands
22:38H-A-N-S
22:39We'll hand out as many as we can next week
22:41In our second ever
22:42Show of Hands
22:44I can be your hands, baby
22:59I can hands away the pain
23:06I will hands by you forever
23:12You can take my hands away
23:19We'll have more last week for you after the break
23:22As your party launches your party
23:24And we launch Stand Up To Cancer
23:26We'll see you in a little bit
23:27I can be your hands, baby
23:31I can hands away the pain
23:38Oh, yeah
23:38I will hands by you forever
23:40I will hands by you forever
23:41I will hands by you forever
23:45You can take my hands away
23:51Welcome back to Glass Leg. We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan. Now, in UK politics this week, the party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana as a fresh alternative to Labor chose a name.
24:08They had been unofficially known as your party but a vote this week they officially decided to be called your party
24:15It led to this absurd headline. Your party members vote for your party to be called your party
24:22Oh, God. It's incredible, isn't it? It's like the opening episode of Apprentice. Sounds like the political equivalent of a your mum joke. Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan, so what do you make of all this?
24:29Yeah, I love Uncle JC. You know the thing is, I really like Zahra as well. She's great, she's up in Coventry with us, but it's like when they first announced it I was like, yeah, this is going to be like the hangover, bro. Great movie, fine, unforgettable.
24:42But it's like when they first announced it, I was like, yeah, this is going to be like The Hangover, bro. Great movie, fine, unforgettable.
24:46But now it feels like it's The Hangover 2 and the party's going to get like 35% on Rotten Tomatoes, do you know what I mean?
24:52Yeah, right. What happened in The Hangover 2? Nobody really knows. No one knows.
24:55I mean, it's a bit tricky. They spent the whole time deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2, didn't they?
25:00Your hangover. Your hangover. Your hangover.
25:03Your hangover. Your hangover.
25:05Your hangover.
25:07I mean, it's a bit tricky. They spent the whole time deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2, didn't they?
25:13Your hangover. Your hangover.
25:17I was really excited too, but it sort of feels like now, you know when there's one roast potato left?
25:25Yeah. At the Christmas dinner and everybody wants it, but no-one's happy about it.
25:31Right. Do you know what I mean? Like, everyone wants...
25:34This could be so good. Yeah. But it seems quite sad.
25:38It is quite sad. It's a potato party. Yeah.
25:41The conference took a vote on whether there should be a single leader or a collective leadership group.
25:46And the group vote won the day 52% to 48.
25:50Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going, not again.
25:54Which means your party will now be run by a 16-member Central Executive Committee.
25:59Because you know what they say? Not enough cooks spoil the broth.
26:02No-one wants the country run by 16 people. I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people.
26:07Big news, though, I actually think it's quite clever. Yeah.
26:09Because I think they're going to join together like Power Rangers and make Mega Corbyn.
26:14LAUGHTER
26:19In other political news, reform leader Nigel Farage spent the last few weeks denying claims he made racist comments when he was at school.
26:26Actually, I'm not sure denying is really the right word. He did whatever it is he's doing in this incriminating clip.
26:32The question is, did you ever racially abuse fellow pupils in school?
26:36No.
26:37You've caveated it with a hurtful way.
26:38Not within 10. Not within 10.
26:39What do you mean, not within 10? I don't understand what you mean by not within 10.
26:42What does that mean? You wouldn't do.
26:43But what does that mean?
26:44No.
26:45No what?
26:46No.
26:47I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody.
26:51I think he was very clear.
26:57Yeah.
26:58LAUGHTER
26:59Farage is now refusing to talk to the BBC until they apologised for their comedy in the 70s.
27:05And he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV.
27:10I've spoken to another people from...
27:13Good for you. Let's move on to the Times, shall we?
27:16He says he can remember you...
27:18Very good.
27:19Making pissing noises...
27:21Very good.
27:22Harry, you are wasting your time.
27:25Bernard Manning.
27:26Bernard Manning.
27:27Bernard Manning.
27:28Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:31Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:34LAUGHTER
27:36The only thing is, when he said his name three times, Bernard Manning appeared at the back of the page.
27:41LAUGHTER
27:44I don't know, Gus, what do you make of the far right?
27:46You know, there's reform and then there's further.
27:49Like, what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:51No, yeah, I'm a big fan.
27:52I think they're quite misunderstood.
27:53LAUGHTER
27:55Oh, you've had a run-in, though, with...
27:57I do like to go back and forth.
27:58Yeah, just because I feel like, unfortunately, a lot of it seems to be centred around a working class.
28:02I started off as a working class live from the West Midlands.
28:04I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around or my neighbours.
28:07So I like to go to the bigwigs in the movement.
28:10Yeah.
28:11Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon.
28:12We go back a lot.
28:13We had a recent interaction where I asked him a question and he said,
28:17it doesn't matter what you think because your mum and dad are cousins.
28:20And I said...
28:21Was this on social media?
28:22Yeah, social media, yeah.
28:23If it was in, KFC would have banged him.
28:24But, like...
28:25LAUGHTER
28:30This is...
28:31This is...
28:32Go for one line.
28:33And I had to remind him that not all Asian people's parents are cousins.
28:37Mine aren't. They're from different countries.
28:39And I said, but it's kind of ironic that you're worried about the genetics
28:42of parents and the kind of children they produce
28:45when his mum and dad produce a son no bigger than a Lego minifigure.
28:48Do you know what I mean?
28:49Yeah, yeah.
28:50Polly Pocket from Luton's taking a piss, bruv.
28:52Worry about yourself.
28:53Don't worry about me.
28:54And did he get...
28:55Did he respond?
28:56He did.
28:57He actually found it quite funny.
28:59Your social media's mad!
29:01Yeah, yeah.
29:02It's more than true on it, more than Trump!
29:04So, are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:06Don't be saying all that shit!
29:08I didn't say that.
29:09I didn't say that.
29:10But it's interesting, like, all of that super right-wing hatred,
29:14wherever you find it, it's grifty.
29:16Yeah, yeah.
29:17People don't really believe in the things that they say.
29:19It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling,
29:22but really when it comes down to it in the inbox, it's all quite polite.
29:25Very underwhelming.
29:26Now, we need to move on because Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:28with a week-long campaign that kicked off today.
29:30There's a brand new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:33where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical, breast or bowel screening,
29:37or as they're calling it, your bits, tits and shits.
29:40You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk.
29:43Meanwhile, the city of Leicester is preparing for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile.
29:47So it's going to be a lantern display made by people from all around the UK
29:51with each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer.
29:54You can create your own dedication at TributeMile.co.uk.
29:58I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling
30:00at High Cross Leicester on Tuesday from midday.
30:02Then Friday next week, 7.30,
30:04I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:07alongside Davina McCall, Claire Balding, Vicky Patterson,
30:10Hannah Frye, Babatunde Aleshae and a whole bunch of special guests.
30:13Hopefully, I'll make it back here for the last leg,
30:16but there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own.
30:19Oh, no. Oh, no.
30:21That would be a real shame.
30:24Keeping everything cross for you.
30:29Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved,
30:32and they've been trying to come up with ways
30:34to bring attention to Stand Up To Cancer.
30:36We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek
30:39at how they've been getting on.
30:44Three words, six foot vulva.
30:49Hmm.
30:51What's going on?
30:52The campaign needs a mascot.
30:54Children in Need has Pudsey, Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry.
30:57This vulva is a combination of both.
31:00It's cute and funny.
31:02Plus, it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer.
31:06That's because this time,
31:07Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness of cancer screening.
31:11Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer.
31:14I can't have someone dressed as a six foot fanny.
31:17You can go away, come up with some better ideas.
31:20Pussy.
31:21I heard that balding!
31:23OK, today, Greg,
31:25we're hoping to find that special sauce
31:27that makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great.
31:31OK, and these comprise of the appeal film...
31:33The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money.
31:36OK.
31:37And also the celebrity challenge.
31:38Some celebs are flown first class so they can do a trek
31:41and rebrand themselves.
31:42I suppose so, yes.
31:43And also a song.
31:45Manipulative cry bait.
31:47OK, fine.
31:48Who's doing that?
31:51Oh, God.
31:52So Nish has composed a song to try to get more members
31:55of the South Asian community to consider bowel screening.
31:59Yep.
32:00Right, then.
32:01Don't be shy, don't be chumps.
32:03Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps.
32:05Collect your turd and send your poo.
32:07The scientists want your number two.
32:10Everybody poop, scoop, seal and send just me to it.
32:13Let me do it, you belly.
32:18Get out!
32:19Tell him!
32:20Get out!
32:21Shout it!
32:22Get out!
32:23Get out!
32:24Can do!
32:26Greg?
32:27Yes?
32:28I've got an idea for a challenge.
32:29For who?
32:30For me.
32:31You're not a celebrity.
32:33You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg.
32:36No-one wants to see you do anything.
32:38Hi, Greg, it's Claudia.
32:45Ah, Winkleman.
32:47Sorry to bother you, but Claire Balding's been on the phone.
32:50Yep.
32:51She's really upset about her vulva.
32:53Mmm.
32:54Hello?
32:56Greg, how's it going?
32:57Honestly?
32:58Yeah.
32:59So far, I've had Balding's vulva, and I've had Nishka Mars' shit song.
33:02It's proving harder than I thought.
33:03Do you know what?
33:04Never failed me, fall back on public humiliation.
33:07What?
33:08I've got naked, I've had my bum waxed, and I bungee jumped.
33:11Hmm.
33:12I'm thinking, you produce a stool sample live on television and show people the correct
33:16way to collect it.
33:18Are you shy?
33:19I thought you were a big brave boy.
33:21I am a big brave boy.
33:22He is a big brave boy.
33:24Awesome.
33:25I'll tell him you're in.
33:28He said yes!
33:30I am not doing plit-plops on national television.
33:33We need more ideas, and we need them now.
33:36No!
33:37I can't take any more.
33:38Shit!
33:42Are you mad?
33:43Claire, I said no to your vulva.
33:45I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd, am I?
33:47My God, I thought you were supposed to be clever.
33:49I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry.
33:51Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screening their shit.
33:56Their shit?
33:57Their shit?
33:58No, Claire.
33:59Your ideas.
34:00Their shit.
34:01We need funny, clever, edgy ideas.
34:04Go back to the drawing board.
34:06Wanker.
34:07I heard you again, Balding!
34:09Well, well, well.
34:12My old diving partner.
34:13Hi, Gregles.
34:14It's Greg.
34:15Or Sir.
34:16What have you got for me?
34:18I am knitting something quite special for you.
34:21It's not a vulva, is it?
34:23How did you know?
34:24Was it that obvious?
34:26Hi, Greg.
34:27Dermot Myrna.
34:28Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:31It's a spoken word composition.
34:33Is it indeed?
34:37Good evening.
34:38Our top story tonight.
34:41Cancer.
34:42Yeah.
34:43It's good, Dermot.
34:44I just...
34:45It's bad for everyone.
34:48Could I, um...
34:51Get out, Dermot.
34:55Honestly.
34:56It's a vibe kill.
34:57Have we not got anyone fun?
34:58You need to be more intimidating.
35:00Right.
35:01Intimidated to cancer.
35:02And we do that how?
35:06Listen up, you slimy piece of shit!
35:08You think you can crawl in wrecked lives and just get away with it?
35:11Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead.
35:13You've picked the wrong enemy.
35:14I'm going to crawl inside you and destroy you cell by cell.
35:17Do you hear me, you cancerous bastard?
35:23Wow.
35:24He was a little aggressive.
35:27He was lovely.
35:28Hmm.
35:29I do think my challenge idea is good.
35:32Alex, the people upstairs have already said no.
35:35But the people upstairs are an accountancy firm.
35:37Yes, they are.
35:38And they think you are a...
35:39Tit.
35:40What?
35:41What?
35:42What?
35:43Walter?
35:44How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:45It's a CBE, actually.
35:46But Greg, once again, this mascot is designed to get people talking about breast screening.
35:52Claire, I can't have a mega boob in the studio.
35:55People are perverts.
35:56They won't be able to stop themselves.
35:57Hey, dirty boy!
35:58See?
35:59Do you have any better ideas?
36:01Well?
36:04Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all, could I please have my shit, my tit and my vulva?
36:11Fine.
36:12You are a twat.
36:14Pulting is mean.
36:17I know.
36:18I was just thinking, Greg, considering the situation, what about my challenge?
36:24Oh, God.
36:25Will it be humiliating for you?
36:26Oh, yeah.
36:27OK.
36:28Fine.
36:29Get on with it.
36:30It's balding's problem.
36:31Yes!
36:32You can see the rest of their story next week from 7.30 on Channel 4.
36:44And Alex Horne is going to give us a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break.
36:48We also want your votes for this year's Hands Awards.
36:50Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram.
36:52The hashtag is showofhands.
36:54We'll see you in a little bit.
36:55APPLAUSE
37:10Welcome back to The Last Leg.
37:11We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
37:13Now, before the break, we showed you some footage of Greg Davies and Alex Horne trying to come up with some ideas for the Stand Up To Cancer campaign.
37:19All week, Alex Horne is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge will be.
37:24The first one that he made just for us.
37:29Hello, everyone.
37:30Hello, Adam.
37:31Hello, Alex.
37:32Hi, Josh.
37:33Normally, I set the challenges.
37:35Tasks, even.
37:36But now it's my turn.
37:37On Thursday night at 10pm, Channel 4, 11th of December, I am going to do a task.
37:43It will not be easy.
37:45It will be hard.
37:47But I'm ready.
37:48I'm little Alex Horne.
37:49I have no idea what that means.
37:54No idea what that means.
37:56She went on Thursday night to find out what his challenge is going to be.
37:59Let's do a bit of entertainment news now.
38:01Meghan Markle has released a Christmas special of her Netflix show.
38:04Here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what an advent calendar is, as if she's just
38:09discovered them for the first time.
38:11I love the idea of an advent calendar.
38:14I wanted to do it for my own kids.
38:16You could get small ones that just have a small chocolate each day.
38:19You can get them pre-made.
38:20And all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every single day for 24 days until
38:25you get to Christmas.
38:27But they're not supposed to be big things.
38:28They're supposed to be small gestures.
38:30Carols and bells, incredible smell.
38:34I'm writing, I love you because you are so kind.
38:37I love you because you're so brave.
38:39Yeah.
38:40There's another note that says, stay away from Uncle Andrew.
38:43How is she too edgy for the royal family?
38:57How are the royal family going?
39:00What are they thinking?
39:01I mean, hanging out with a pedophile is one thing, but wrapping cinnamon sticks
39:04in a bow is just too damn disrupting.
39:08I was wondering why Prince Harry's just done Colbert in America.
39:12He's been doing late night TV shows.
39:14Yeah, and I was like, why is he doing that?
39:15And now I've seen that, it's to get out of the house.
39:18It needs a bit.
39:21If I was a kid and I got like a note in my advent calendar that says I love you,
39:25without a chocolate, I would think they don't love me.
39:28Yes!
39:29You can't write your kind.
39:31I'll tell you who's not fucking kind, the person who didn't give me a chocolate.
39:34Wouldn't you run out of things to say as well?
39:37Like after a while you'd just be like, happy Wednesday.
39:40I'm a big fan of both of them, I won't hear a word again.
39:45I genuinely love Harry and Meghan.
39:47Do you?
39:48They left the shit fight that is the royal family and we think they're the weirdos.
39:52No, no, we think they're all weird.
39:55Both sides.
39:56It's possible for both of them to be wankers.
39:59Oh, look at Britain.
40:04Look at Britain.
40:07And that is how revolution begins.
40:11Alright, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
40:14Amy and Guz have to work out why they're in the news this week.
40:17Can we have the mystery guest please?
40:18My guest.
40:30OK, this is Lauren and Jo, but why were they in the news this week?
40:36Can we have the dramatic lighting change please?
40:39So, Lauren surprised Joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex.
40:47Lauren surprised Joe by jumping out of his birthday cake, giving him a heart attack.
40:52Or, Lauren surprised mourners by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased, Joe's gran.
41:01What are your initial thoughts?
41:03Wow, I don't think it could be the heart attack because you look so good and healthy right now.
41:08Mm-hmm.
41:09Don't give her a clue, Joe!
41:13Well, it's definitely not that one.
41:14It's not that one.
41:14It's not that one.
41:15So, it could be T-Rex.
41:16Also, if he'd had a heart attack, I wouldn't have shouted at him like that.
41:21Thank goodness.
41:22So, T-Rex down the aisle or dressing as his dead gran at the funeral?
41:29Why was I just asking him?
41:30Did she dress as your dead gran?
41:31You can't ask them, Gus!
41:32OK, I tell you what, we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break.
41:35OK.
41:36OK, no more questions to them.
41:38Alex will end the show by singing with his new band, Unique Limb Situation.
41:42Don't go away.
41:44Don't miss that.
41:45We'll see you in a little bit.
41:46Welcome back to Last Leg.
42:03We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
42:04Now, before the break, we challenged our guests to work out how this person's wife was connected
42:09to the news.
42:10Can we have the options again, please?
42:13Yes.
42:14Did she walk down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex on her wedding day?
42:18Did she jump out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack?
42:21Or did she come to his gran's funeral dressed as his gran?
42:26What do you think?
42:28I defer to the intelligent and legendary one here in this combination.
42:32OK.
42:32You coward.
42:33Yes.
42:34Amy?
42:35T-Rex.
42:36T-Rex?
42:36T-Rex down the aisle.
42:38Well, mystery guest is going to reveal the answer by dressing in the appropriate way.
42:43Come on out!
42:44T-Rex down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex.
43:07Why?
43:08I thought it would be funny.
43:09And what were you thinking when she was?
43:14Honestly, I had no idea.
43:16But when there was, like, a delay, it was actually her inflating the suit behind the door.
43:21So I was just stood at the end for quite some time.
43:24So were you standing there wondering where she is and you could just hear,
43:26Yeah, and did you dress like that for your whole wedding day?
43:30No, no, it was just for the aisle.
43:32Oh, yeah, it'd be mental otherwise.
43:34Yeah.
43:39Um, OK, if you were in a band, you...
43:41I mean, you might have just joined Unique Limb situation.
43:46Would you thank Lauren and Joe?
43:47Oh, wait, let's stay in.
43:48Let's stay in.
43:49Let's stay in.
43:50Let's stay in.
43:51Uh, Josh has been standing up for the last seven days.
43:56What have you got?
43:57Well, I've got a clip that actually is from this week,
44:00and I wanted Lauren to see this,
44:02but she might have some explaining to do.
44:04Yeah.
44:05Would you like to see someone getting away with fly-tipping
44:08by wearing an extravagant outfit in this unbelievable footage?
44:12Yes, please.
44:15This is really... You can see the date.
44:17This is, what, Tuesday this week?
44:21Oh!
44:22And they are doing it dressed as a dinosaur.
44:27Oh!
44:34Lauren, explain yourself.
44:37No comment.
44:39Was it you?
44:40No comment.
44:43Well, thank you very much, Lauren and Joe!
44:45Yay!
44:46All right, we ask you to nominate people for this year's Hands Awards.
44:55Um, there have been a whole bunch of celebrities,
44:57uh, like Lindsay Burrow, uh, Zach Polanski, David Tennant,
45:01but people like Jill Robinson from the Play It Forward charity,
45:04uh, Brass Group, who raised £40,000 for charity.
45:07Um, Jolion Maugham from the Good Law Project standing up for trans people.
45:13Tamsin said, my dad David, who works with bakeries in Ukraine,
45:17one in Kyiv, run by and for people with disabilities.
45:21Uh, and someone said the drunk raccoon that broke into a supermarket
45:24drank alcohol and passed out.
45:25Could be any of those.
45:27Tune in next week.
45:28Um, Alex is getting ready to end the show with his new band,
45:30Unique Limbs Situation, but before he does,
45:32would you please thank our guests,
45:34Amy Glendhill,
45:36and Guz Khan,
45:40and my co-host Josh Whittakam,
45:42and Alex Brooker.
45:45Josh and Alex will be back next week
45:46with comedians John Richardson and Matt Ford,
45:48as well as presenter AJ Adudu.
45:50But right now,
45:51after AI identified Alex as having a Unique Limb Situation,
45:55he's about to show off his newly formed band
45:57called Unique Limb Situation.
46:00Thanks for watching the last leg.
46:01My name's Adam Hills.
46:02I'll see you at 7.30 next Friday for Stand Up To Cancer,
46:04and hopefully later that night, for the next leg,
46:06take it away, Alex.
46:08If you see me walking down the street
46:22Staring at the sky
46:25Dragging my thick feet
46:27A cap just drove straight on
46:30Did not know that's a farm
46:32Big hands won't make me whole again
46:36Because my limbs are great
46:47And I won't change my mind
46:50New hands would be too late
46:53Cause I'm happy to go on
47:07With these little buggers, there's nothing wrong
47:10Big hands won't make me whole again
47:12Looking back on where my foot left
47:15Looking back on where my foot left
47:18Looking back on where my foot left
47:21I cannot escape
47:23But the parking's the best
47:25Mittens, you're the one
47:27You still slip right on
47:30Big hands won't make me whole again
47:33Oh, Mittens, you're the one
47:36You still slip right on
47:39You still slip right on
47:41Big hands won't make me whole again
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