- 11 minutes ago
Nearest And Dearest. S03, E04. The Power Behind The Throne.
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00:11nearest and dearest P584 stroke 16 part 1
00:2015 seconds
00:50as part of the policy of pledges pure of pickles for making working conditions the most comfortable in the north of England
01:03I am sure you'll agree with me when I say that this new addition to our factory fulfills a long-standing need
01:13I will now call upon my fellow director Miss Nellie Pledge to inaugurate the edifice
01:18You are?
01:19You are first track
01:20What do you want me to do?
01:21First track
01:22What? In front of all these people?
01:24Oh come on Nellie you can't let them down
01:27Let them down? I mean it's your idea, you exaggerate the inspiration
01:32Alright I'll have a go then
01:33Shall I be a minute?
01:45Thank you, thank you
01:46Where do you think you're going?
01:47In there
01:48Oh, you'll have to hold it a minute Stan
01:50But it's bursting with curiosity
01:52Well they'll just have to burst won't they?
01:53No, no, it's not for you lot
01:55This is an executive's washroom
01:56A what?
01:57Well, for gaffers only this Stan
01:59That's me and I and Nellie and the chosen few
02:01All big firms have one of these
02:03Stops the workers ob-nobbing with the bosses
02:05Yes, you can't go in there Stan
02:07This is only for people with a special executive key
02:10I can't give that to them
02:13I've just bloody done it
02:14I'm warning you Eli
02:17You're spitting against the wind
02:19Now Eli, now now
02:21You just keep your place Stan
02:22And you know where that is don't you?
02:24Across the yard, turn left
02:25There's three acres of dull lake ground there
02:27And don't be so petty minded
02:33Yeah, I see
02:34That's you and your big ideas
02:36Your big girl's blouse
02:38They'll be bothered you know
02:39I mean if you weren't going to let them use it
02:41Why did you open it with such a big splash?
02:43Now you listen to me
02:45You listen to me our Delly
02:47We've got to move with the times
02:49It's a symbol of ambition as an executive Bob
02:52Gives the workers something to aim at
02:54Our dad didn't need an executioner's bog
02:58No, but he had a two-seater, didn't he?
03:00We've got to move ahead with the times
03:02Oh, Nelly
03:04But look at Ferrantes
03:05You wouldn't get Sebastian Ferrantes
03:07Running across the yard
03:08He doesn't have to, does he?
03:10He flies over in his helicopter
03:13That's what I'm saying, isn't he?
03:14That's what I mean
03:15We've got to think big
03:16We've got to have every facility
03:17In case we get a visit from some big noise
03:19What big noise is going to visit us?
03:21Mr Sidebottom of Sidebottom Supermarket's coming
03:23Now, if we get his customer
03:25We'll be the biggest pickles in the Northern Union
03:27Oh, yeah
03:28Don't come here with any of your codology
03:30You just want that private privy
03:32To make you think you're a big spit
03:35Oh, no, I don't
03:37Oh, no, I don't
03:38It's purely a matter of convenience
03:40Oh, yes
03:42It's a matter of class extinction
03:45Come in
03:47Are you there?
03:48Oh, bloody hell, it's run wild, run free
03:50Oh, come in, Nelly, Walter
03:52I brought these for you, Nelly, love
03:54Oh, thank you
03:55Whose grave did you pinch them off?
03:58Well, I just thought she'd been down at cemetery
04:00To pick out a plot for Walter
04:01Sit down, love
04:03I'll put these in water later
04:05Oh, I suppose you've blown those on your allotment, haven't you, Walter, eh?
04:10Oh, he loves flowers, doesn't he?
04:13How's his marguerites going on lately?
04:16The frost got at them
04:18Oh, got nipped, did they?
04:21Well, you can expect that this cold weather, can't you?
04:25I mean, he's got green fingers, hasn't he, Walter?
04:28His face does a bloody funny colour, too
04:32Haven't he's been doing a bit too much?
04:34Have you, Walter?
04:36Have you been doing a bit too much?
04:38We want to be careful, though
04:39We don't want you having another, er, prolapse, do we?
04:46Only last night in bed he came all over queer
04:49You dirty beast
04:52You shut up, you
04:54Anyway, I believe you two have been busy
04:57Up to your necks in a new toilet, so they say
05:00So they say? Who says so they say?
05:02They're a chip shop
05:03You can take what she says with a pinch of salt
05:07She reckons it's something special you've had built
05:10Well, I mean, our real eye has done it proper, you know
05:13We've had it built by, er, a real artichoke, you know
05:18Oh, say, er, you, Walter, has he been?
05:23Well, er, it were a bit since, and I thought, like, seeing as we were coming here, he might as well have a look at your special place while he's at it
05:31Well, you can think again, he's not going in there, it's only for the IPs
05:35It's Walter's family, isn't he? Doesn't he count as a VIP?
05:38Looks more like a bloody RIP
05:42You mean they're going to stand in his way? You're not going to let him go?
05:45Come here, Nelly
05:46We can't let him go in there, it'll cause trouble with whackers
05:48It's only Walter, I mean, you can let him go
05:50If we turn a blind eye to Walter, it'll be her front chippy next
05:54We'll have our street here wanting to go, it'll open the floodgates
05:58Do you mean to tell me you're sending Walter away empty-handed?
06:01That's for executives all
06:04That's the rule and we're sticking to it
06:06Come on, Walter, if that's their attitude, we'll be late for the pictures anyway
06:09Just a minute, Walter, now you're going to the pictures, aren't you?
06:13You can probably wait till you get there, eh?
06:16What picture are you going to see?
06:17Ring of Brightwater
06:21You're a disgrace, Eli Pledge
06:23Treating your relatives so abdominally
06:29That man, there's one gone from here with tears in his eyes
06:32Now, Nelly, listen, that's for executives only
06:35Walter is hardly executive material
06:36I mean, executives aren't made, they're born
06:40You weren't born
06:41I reckon you crawled out of a bunch of bananas on Ashton Market
06:44Now, look, Nelly Pledge
06:46That key separates the bosses from the workers
06:48Don't worry, we'll have no more trouble with them
06:51What the hell do you want?
06:53There's trouble!
06:55There's what? Where?
06:59What the hell are you lot doing here?
07:01Why aren't you pickling?
07:03Well, who's going to tell them?
07:06You, Brother Stan
07:07Or you, Brother Granville
07:09Or you, Brother Vera
07:11Or Brother Off
07:13Now, listen to me, what's it all about, poor Colfred?
07:16We've had a factory gate meeting in its spread-heedle chat room about its executive gazunda
07:21Well, what about it?
07:23Well, we all want to join you in there
07:24Tell me we lie, the writing's on the wall
07:28It will be if we let that lot in there
07:31Our final word is
07:34We'll give you 24 hours to consider your position on that toilet
07:39What do you say to that?
07:43Get flushed
07:44Hey, where do you think you're going?
07:50I'm going to have a little think
07:51What do you think?
07:52What's that?
07:54What you talk about?
07:55What about the hell?
07:56What a clap!
08:02Good girl!
08:04Oh
08:06Oh
08:08Bloody hell!
08:22Oh, dear, I've touched this thing.
08:25Move on that rabbit up.
08:29Eh?
08:29Just look at you, eh?
08:32Clever John Ogden.
08:33This fancy love is turning everybody against us.
08:36Our Lily won't speak to me, even.
08:38What's going to happen to the factory if this lot goes on strike?
08:41That lovey is bringing this factory to its knees.
08:45That lovey is bringing this factory into the jet age,
08:48into the 20th century.
08:50They're not going in there.
08:51Come hell or high water, they shall not pass!
09:06I declare this strike meeting open.
09:11I declare this strike meeting open.
09:27What do we do now?
09:29Eh, it's nearly time they were open.
09:31Oh, sure hope.
09:33I think we should have a delegate's report.
09:36Brother Vera, can you report on conditions among vinegar women
09:40as to where they stand on question at Loch Labby?
09:44They're 100% solid.
09:46I told them.
09:48Workers of the world unite.
09:50You have nothing to lose except your chains.
09:54Eh, I like the way you put that.
09:56She didn't make it up.
09:59It's a quotation.
10:01Well, who said it then?
10:02John Lennon.
10:05Why are we being kept waiting?
10:07I thought we were having a meeting with the management.
10:10Mr Eli's sitting in with us.
10:12Sorry, I've kept you waiting.
10:25I've been perusing the minutes in the last meeting.
10:27What did he say?
10:29He said he's been perusing the minutes.
10:32Oh, I thought he said he'd been using the minutes.
10:36Just a minute, just a minute.
10:38What's Barbara Castle doing here?
10:39Have you had a cabinet reshuffle?
10:41No, we decided to co-opt her.
10:44Don't be filthy.
10:45Anyway, Mr Chairman, I now declare this meeting open.
10:49But you were the chairman.
10:50Am I?
10:51Oh, aye.
10:51Well, in that case, I declare it closed, so piddle off a lot on you.
10:56Just a minute, Mr Chairman.
10:58That's out of order.
10:59Well, are you not happy working here?
11:01No.
11:02Why not?
11:03Working conditions are good.
11:05We gave B Troop boilers danger money.
11:07Since Big Bertha fell in that B Troop back and come out looking like Scarlet O'Hara.
11:13We want a proper lavvy.
11:15Oh, you want jam on it, do you?
11:18What, on the lavvy?
11:22Let's get on with it.
11:23Read the minutes of the last meeting for a start.
11:26No, I'd like to get to the bottom of things.
11:27Look, we did give you a free Christmas dinner last year.
11:29A packet of crisps with a sprig of olives stuck in it.
11:33Well, I thought you liked it when our Nellie dressed up as Father Christmas and give you your wages in the Christmas cracker.
11:39Hey, but when she made me pull it with her, all I got was the motto.
11:44It said, Happy Christmas and better luck next year.
11:49Oh, I'll get them minutes read.
11:51Oh, wait a minute, they're a bit hard to read.
11:52Why, is it real writing?
11:54No, somebody's used a slice of B Troop as a bookmarker.
11:57What the hell's your listener?
11:59Uh, cod and chips twice.
12:02Yeah.
12:03And pie and chips.
12:04Hey, hang on, hang on.
12:06Who's got a piece?
12:06Them's mine.
12:07Talk about tea, you see, it's more like bloody UCP.
12:11It says dinner hour.
12:12We're not negotiating on empty bellies.
12:15It's a meeting.
12:16You thant wouldn't walk into the United Nations carrying a bag full of fish and chips?
12:20No, I wouldn't.
12:21He'd have curry and chips.
12:24What's this strike all about?
12:25Wait, it's what you might call a demarcation dispute.
12:30Yeah.
12:30You mean a new does what?
12:33No, he means who does it and where.
12:36Correct.
12:37The very presence of that labby out there raises the question of where we stand.
12:42Hey!
12:43He knows what I mean.
12:46If you can't use that, we demand that you build another one just like that for workers.
12:52He, he, he, with all them coloured bog rolls.
12:55Are you going to be told you, man?
12:57Now, look, look, look, be reasonable.
12:59Where am I going to get money from to build another one of them?
13:01I can't get a grant from Arts Council, you know.
13:04There's a credit squeeze on.
13:06I mean, suppose I built you another lavatory and it leaked out.
13:09Why, to probably give the Chancellor of the Exchequer the back door trots.
13:13It might even bring the government down.
13:17There would be a run on the pound.
13:20We'd never get into the common market.
13:23The lights would go out all over Europe.
13:26Hey, and that's another thing.
13:28When you build a lavatory, we want a light in it.
13:30Hey, the night shift's fed up with standing up against that wall, striking matches.
13:38Well, I've got to grant you there have been a few accidents.
13:42But nothing fatal, mine.
13:44Do I take it your final word is no?
13:47Well, I had another word in mind, but that'll do.
13:50Right, brothers.
13:51Who are you, the first fellas to fly?
13:55Who were?
13:56The right brothers!
13:58Oh, shut up!
13:59Anyway...
14:01Well, Stanley, listen to the voice of reason.
14:04You troublemaking, four-eyed git.
14:06Are you going to pull them out on me?
14:07I bloody am, that.
14:09Right.
14:10I'll just starve you out.
14:13Don't look as though I've got much bloody chance at that, either.
14:17Could I have a word with you?
14:20Come on, brothers.
14:21No, no, no.
14:22You in private, sexy, come here.
14:25I want to talk to the Lord Chancellor, not the bloody Privy Council.
14:29What do you want?
14:31I've got an idea.
14:33We don't want to let a little thing like a lavatory come between you and me, do we?
14:37Yes, this is Pledge's pickle speaking.
14:41Who is that?
14:42Mr. Sidebottom.
14:43Put him through.
14:45Hello.
14:46Hello, Mr. Sidebottom.
14:48Widebottom, I mean, bigbottom.
14:50I mean, excuse me.
14:52Excuse me, Mr. Citybomb, but it's this telephone wire.
14:56It's all round me legs, you know.
14:58It's too long.
14:58I keep thinking I'll phone up the post office and ask them to take it in a bit at their end.
15:04Oh, well, is Mr. Eli Pledge there?
15:07Yes, this is Miss Eli Pledge.
15:09I mean, Mr. Nellie Pledge.
15:11I mean, it's me.
15:12You haven't had the pleasure of me yet, have you?
15:14No, but I might be having it soon.
15:21Yes, you...
15:22That is to say, I was thinking of coming over there.
15:25Oh, you mean you want to pay us a visit?
15:26Yes, I always wanted to see your pickling methods.
15:30So, if you'd ask Mr. Pledge to give me a ring, at his convenience.
15:35Oh, well, we haven't had the telephone put in there yet, but I'll see the...
15:39There you are.
15:42Mr. Sidesaddle on the telephone there.
15:45He said he's going to pay us a visit, eminently.
15:48There you are, Nellie.
15:49What did I tell you?
15:49This is the big one.
15:51Yes, you're going to be like a big one, aren't you, eh?
15:53When he sees that lot stood standing outside there on a sit-down strike.
15:58Strike?
15:58What are you talking about?
15:59There's going to be no strike.
16:00What do you mean?
16:01Oh, no.
16:02The Cold War's over, as Neville Chamberlain said in all our yesterdays.
16:07Yes, there's going to be peace work in our time.
16:10You mean the strikers aren't going to be revolting?
16:12They're as bloody revolting as ever, but there's not going to be a strike.
16:16Oh, how did you stop it off?
16:17Did what all the sped-bads do when somebody's trying to stir it up.
16:21Excuse me a minute, Nellie.
16:24Come in, Stanley.
16:28Who the hell got you ready?
16:32Stanley has agreed to go on slaving for us, I've been working.
16:34You mean, er, he's going to be a blackhead?
16:39No, he's maybe an executive.
16:42Hey, I've got a key to executive lobby.
16:46We're all bosses together now, Miss Nellie.
16:49Or shall I just call you Nellie?
16:52Keith, blow ponging, pickling paws off me.
16:57He'll never make a gaffy, this one.
16:58He will when he learns to read.
17:01And now Stan's joined us.
17:02We'll have no more trouble with that lot.
17:04They've lost the leader.
17:05And now we've given Stan a key.
17:07He'll be the power behind the throne.
17:10Hey, can I...
17:12Of course you can use it again, Stanley.
17:16He, er, he's getting a bit excited, you see.
17:19Hey, hey, well, it's not that, but I just want to get the feel of it.
17:24Hey, I always suspected you, Phantom.
17:27I never thought Stan would a Judas Carrot.
17:31Well, don't worry now, Nellie.
17:33It's all over, isn't it, love?
17:34They're back at work.
17:35Back at work?
17:36That's not work, sat sitting there with their legs crossed.
17:39Hey, Nellie.
17:40Hey, I've worked it out that we can get 47 more man-hours a week out of them
17:45if we make them save it till they get home.
17:48Have to give them somewhere to wash their hands, won't they?
17:51I mean, after all, we'll be persecuted by the, er...
17:55What do you call it?
17:56The public health inspector.
17:57The public health inspector.
17:58When was the public health inspector last year?
18:00Well, about 1922.
18:01You remember?
18:03When, er, he blamed our pickle-lily pickles
18:05for that big outbreak of, er, yellow fever in, er...
18:09They couldn't prove out, though, could they?
18:12Oh, no, but if you remember, too,
18:14we had to chuck about 22 tonnes of our pickle-lily pickles
18:17into that canal.
18:18I can see it now.
18:20It just looked like the Dead Sea.
18:23And that big coal barge got stuck in it, too.
18:27Ah, and it killed a few fish, too, didn't it?
18:30Say, well, now we've made Stan up, we'll have no more trouble.
18:32He'll track the whip.
18:34Yeah.
18:35He'll put them in the place.
18:40Hello, Fred.
18:43Hello, Grenville.
18:47Grande vinegar beer.
18:51Oh, well, that isn't.
18:55Anybody have a drink with me?
18:57Look, lads, look, I'm still the same as you, really.
19:03Hey, all this lot, it doesn't mean ouch.
19:08Underneath, I...
19:08Do you know, I'm just the same old Stan
19:11that you come to know and love.
19:14I'm still a working chap.
19:17Hey, hey, and I tell you,
19:19I'll still go for chips at chip shop for you.
19:24Ah, there you have, then.
19:25I see you've got the idea,
19:26keeping your distance from that lot, are you?
19:30That's it.
19:30First lesson, don't fraternise with the workers.
19:33Now, well, you must rise above the common herd now, Stanley.
19:37I mean, look at me.
19:38They may not like me, but by hell, they respect me.
19:42Who did that?
19:44Charming.
19:44Anyway, I'll have a drink with you, Stan.
19:46Two pints, please.
19:47Yes, now you've got that key, Stanley.
19:48You must learn to stand alone.
19:50Ah, but, you know,
19:52I miss the cheeriest smiles and the merry quips.
19:54Yes, when I come to the factory in the morning.
19:58Well, Stanley, I've told you,
19:59their happy cries of,
20:01how's your belly off the spots?
20:02And up yours is hardly boardroom small talk, is it?
20:07Oh, no, Stanley,
20:08especially when it's addressed to our Nelly.
20:12Hey, hey,
20:13do you know what they're going in there for?
20:16We're going to have a loving with vinegar vera.
20:18Look, they're going to decide
20:19who's to be the new leader.
20:21Well, what do you expect me to do?
20:23Wait till I see three puffs of white smoke?
20:26No, what I'm trying to tell you, Eli,
20:29I want to go back to them.
20:31Because they need somebody
20:33with my foresight and vision.
20:35It's over here,
20:40you short-sighted old sugar bag.
20:44Anyway,
20:45you're going to change horses
20:46at middle of the pub?
20:47Yes, Eli.
20:48Is that your last word?
20:49Definitely.
20:51You know what you've just done, Stanley?
20:53You have resigned your seat.
20:56And don't forget,
20:57you owe me for two bod rolls.
20:58What's going on with that package?
21:03I just went over there
21:04to see if that Christmas packing
21:05was all right for those gherkins
21:06and there's nobody there
21:07except Stan's horse
21:08and he's flat out
21:10just eating his way through
21:12two tonnes of red cabbage.
21:16Nelly, love,
21:17it's not going as I planned.
21:19What do you mean?
21:20Stan's not cracking the whip?
21:21I think the whip's cracked him.
21:22We shall overcome
21:24We shall overcome
21:28Who do they think they are?
21:32The black and white minstrels?
21:34It's a strike meeting.
21:36Strike meeting?
21:38Hey,
21:39you don't mean to tell me
21:39you're going to strike
21:40over the littlest room
21:42in the factory?
21:43I mean,
21:43I thought it was just
21:44a flash in the pan.
21:47Really?
21:48We've decided
21:49that if we let the management
21:51get away with this,
21:52we're going to be
21:53left up the creek.
21:54You're not going to let them
21:55close that factory, are you?
21:57What have you got to say?
21:57I'll tell them
21:58to get knotted.
22:00You must talk like a diplomat,
22:02not like a beer mat.
22:05Talk to them smooth,
22:07soft,
22:10suave.
22:12Suave?
22:13Leave it to me.
22:15Pardon me.
22:15Would you lot
22:17can't demand
22:18getting knotted?
22:18I wouldn't say it.
22:20Got about as much tact
22:22as our bloody tomcat.
22:26Got to be smooth.
22:27Just a minute.
22:28I'll show you.
22:28Right, go on.
22:29Now, come on, boys and girls.
22:31Come on,
22:31I'd just like to have
22:32a few words with you,
22:33if you don't mind.
22:33Would you mind
22:34helping me out
22:35onto this chair?
22:36Not at all.
22:36Not very well.
22:37Thank you very much.
22:38Not at all.
22:39Now, boys and girls,
22:40now, boys and girls,
22:41I can't understand
22:42you having this wild cat.
22:44Stop it off, it is.
22:45I mean,
22:46it's not like the old days,
22:47you know,
22:47when they treated you
22:48like pit ponies.
22:50Pickling from morning
22:51until night,
22:52in the dark,
22:53by candlelight.
22:54But, I mean,
22:55me and our Eli,
22:56you know,
22:57we're not monsters.
22:59Well, I'm not.
23:01But, I mean,
23:02well, now,
23:03what did we do
23:03when we just took over
23:04the factory?
23:05We gave you 20 minutes
23:06instead of 10 minutes
23:07for your dinner hour.
23:09What are you getting at,
23:11Miss Nelly?
23:12Well,
23:12if I might be
23:14suggestive,
23:17I'd like to get
23:18to stand over a table
23:19and see if we can't
23:21get back to work.
23:24That's what I'd like to say.
23:26I mean,
23:26all strikes can be solved
23:28by a little
23:29peaceful consummation.
23:33See, Stan?
23:34You'll always find a solution
23:36if you put your heads together.
23:37I think it's a belting idea,
23:39Miss Nelly.
23:40I wish I'd have thought of it.
23:42Well,
23:43although I say it myself,
23:44where brains are concerned,
23:46Nelly Pledge
23:47isn't exactly
23:47a bugger to rubbish.
23:50Well,
23:50have you settled it, then?
23:51Yes, we have.
23:52Well, what are we going to do?
23:53We're going to demolish
23:54the lavatory.
23:55Oh, no, you're not.
23:56Oh, yes, we are.
23:58We're going to destroy it
24:00completely
24:00and then there'll be
24:01no more arguments.
24:02Oh, but you can't
24:03demolish that lavatory.
24:04Why can't we
24:05demolish that lavatory?
24:07Nelly, love.
24:08You can't demolish
24:09that lavatory.
24:10Give me one good reason
24:11why we cannot
24:13demolish that lavatory.
24:14I'll give you
24:15one good reason.
24:16Our first VIP,
24:18Mr Sidebottom,
24:19happens to be in it.
24:21Oh, bloody hell.
24:22All I did
24:27was pull
24:28the bloody chain.
24:29All I did
24:29was pull the bloody chain.
24:31Was that multiple?
24:40Oh, again,
24:41here you go.
24:42I'm new alive.
24:43You can
24:44go, what's good?
24:45I'm cool.
24:46I'm too Podcast.
24:48I'm new.
24:49Guys, I've gotta
24:51go.
24:52I'm new.
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24:54First blackpinnon店,
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25:2730 seconds.
25:38Nearest and Dearest, P584-16, Part 1.
25:4515 seconds.
25:5020 seconds.
26:2020 seconds.
26:27As part of the policy of pledges pure of pickles for making working conditions the most comfortable in the north of England,
26:32I am sure you'll agree with me when I say that this new addition to our factory fulfills a long-standing need.
26:38Hooray!
26:40Thank you, thank you, thank you.
26:42I will now call upon my fellow director, Miss Nellie Pledge, to inaugurate the edifice.
26:47You are?
26:47You are first track.
26:48What do you want me to do?
26:49First track.
26:50What?
26:51In front of all these people?
26:52Oh, come on, Nellie, you can't let them down.
26:55Let them down?
26:56I mean, it's your idea.
26:58You exaggerate the inspiration.
27:01All right, I'll have a go then.
27:02Shall I be a minute?
27:02Thank you, thank you.
27:15Where do you think you're going?
27:16In there.
27:17Oh, you'll have to hold it a minute, Stan.
27:19But he's bursting with curiosity.
27:21Well, they'll just have to burst, won't they?
27:22No, no, it's not for you lot.
27:24This is an executive's washroom.
27:26A what?
27:26Well, for gaffers only, this, Stan, that's me and I, Nellie, and a chosen few.
27:30All big firms have one of these.
27:32Stops the workers ob-nobbing with the bosses.
27:34Yes, you can't go in there, Stan.
27:36This is only for people with a special executive key.
27:41I'll give that to them.
27:42I've just bloody done it.
27:44I'm warning you, Eli.
27:46You're spitting against the wind.
27:48Now, Eli, now, now.
27:50You just keep your place, Stan, and you know where that is, don't you?
27:53Across the yard, turn left, there's three acres of double-linked ground there.
27:57And you'll be so petty-minded.
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