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00:00It's an extraordinary feeling, to think of something
00:05over the top of your head that makes people laugh.
00:08It's a gift.
00:16Perfect version of a modern man. Attractive. Very funny, which I think is very important.
00:24P.S. My mum, brackets Jackie, loves you.
00:31And the winner is...
00:34Lenny Brain from Glass Houses.
01:00L dirvishing, likes to cry.
01:02Won't you buy this living, like make me feel crazy?
01:11Come beam around.
01:16iseen dismay.
01:17Baggy, Baggy, please. I don't want to go to bed on an argument, especially not about
01:38something so stupid as this.
01:40Do we just...
01:43What, sleep?
01:44Yes.
01:45How am I supposed to go to sleep when this will probably be all over sodding papers tomorrow?
01:49You can sleep fine because you know it's all lies. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
01:55Neighbours don't know that, do they?
01:57I've never even met this woman.
01:59I know that. Nobody else does.
02:06Are we going to do this every time there's a bogus allegation?
02:15Girl. Bloody ridiculous.
02:19And the cleaner doesn't know it's a lie.
02:21Oh, if we're worried about what the cleaner thinks of us, maybe we shouldn't employ her to clean the house.
02:25What I'm saying is it's humiliating.
02:28I don't even know who this woman is. She could be made up for all I know.
02:31I can still hate it. I can still hate how attritional it is.
02:37This is like being accused of having an affair with a tooth fairy.
02:41It can still make me feel rubbish.
02:53Look.
02:54She's crazy just like the rest of them.
02:57It's just endless crap. Years of bullshit.
03:01Every single one of them disappears.
03:03The moment they get a stern letter just pointing out there's no basis for any of it.
03:07There's no evidence.
03:09Nothing. Nothing happened.
03:12It's all made up.
03:14But the papers don't go with it because I'm me.
03:17Look, these sheets, they're Egyptian cotton and they've barely seen our bum cheeks because we've been in the Maldives.
03:27That's the life we have.
03:29And the price we pay for it is these liars and maniacs.
03:33But why am I telling you this? You know this.
03:37You're a psychotherapist for God's sake.
03:47I'm sorry.
03:53Just let them write it.
03:56Let them write whatever they want.
03:59TV funny man shags burrito or whatever.
04:06There's never been anyone else.
04:11I tell you every day.
04:14I love you.
04:17Past the edges of time.
04:27What was that?
04:38Shall we press the buzzer?
04:39It's in the kitchen.
04:42Well, you might need something.
04:43It could be dangerous.
04:44You might need help.
04:45Then we should call the police.
04:47Oh, is he around the doorbell?
04:48Yes.
04:55Oh my God.
04:57Shit.
04:59Quick.
05:00Oh, Jesus.
05:15Please.
05:16They attacked me.
05:17Who attacked you?
05:18They took my bike and my phone.
05:32Who?
05:33I don't know.
05:34Oh.
05:35My phone's upstairs.
05:36I'll call you an ambulance.
05:37No.
05:38Please.
05:39What do you need?
05:40You're the only one that answered.
05:41Do you want to come in?
05:42Do you want to come in?
05:43Can you stand?
05:45Okay.
05:46Come on.
05:47Come on.
05:48Come on.
05:49Come on.
05:50Come on.
05:51Come on.
05:52Let's get you sorted out.
05:53Okay.
05:54Okay.
05:55Let's get you sorted out.
05:56Okay.
05:57Oh.
05:58Okay.
05:59Oh.
06:00Oh.
06:01Oh.
06:02Oh.
06:03Oh.
06:04Oh.
06:05Oh.
06:06Oh.
06:07Oh.
06:08Oh.
06:09Oh.
06:10Oh.
06:11Oh.
06:12Oh.
06:13Oh.
06:14Oh.
06:15You can just...
06:25Here, sit here, sit here.
06:27Here, sit here.
06:32Sorry.
06:33No, don't be ridiculous.
06:36I know it's late.
06:39Did you hit your head? Are you bleeding?
06:41I really think we ought to call you an ambulance, you know?
06:44It's okay.
06:45You collapsed.
06:46I think it was just a shocker, don't I?
06:48You might be concussed.
06:50It's just my shoulder.
06:51You sure about that?
06:53I just need some water.
06:57Right, of course, yeah.
06:59It was what?
07:01Was it randoms, or...?
07:03I was delivering pizza.
07:06I was going to number 20.
07:08I got the money and they...
07:10They just come out of nowhere.
07:11We should definitely call the police.
07:13I don't know if they'll be able to do anything.
07:15You've been robbed.
07:16They'll be long gone.
07:17Well, probably, but...
07:18When my flat got broken into, the police, they didn't even turn up.
07:21Oh, yeah, but they're a bit quicker around here, mate.
07:23No.
07:26No.
07:28No, please.
07:29Uh, thank you.
07:31I'll...
07:32I'll go to the station.
07:34I just need to get my shit together.
07:36No problem.
07:36No, please.
07:41I don't know my licence.
07:44Oh.
07:44It's only part-time to help me pay my way through uni.
07:50I can't afford to lose this job.
07:55Well, you should definitely report it.
07:57I will, I promise.
07:59And learn to drive.
08:01Yeah.
08:01They can't be allowed to get away with it.
08:05It's fucking feral.
08:07What were they, kids?
08:0817?
08:0918, maybe.
08:10But they were big.
08:11Hopped up on Minecraft and balloons.
08:14I know we're fast.
08:15Don't need you to get that round here.
08:17If there's trouble round here, it's all planning consent for basement pools.
08:20People are going to afford a basement pool.
08:22They don't usually kick your head in.
08:24I could have done without them stealing my shoes.
08:26Yeah, why would they do that?
08:28Don't know.
08:29They're old as well.
08:30All the leather's coming off.
08:32Maybe they're mending them.
08:34Maybe they're feral cobblers.
08:35There you go.
08:35Can I get you a shirt, or...?
08:41Mm.
08:43Yeah.
08:44Yeah, please.
08:45If you don't mind.
08:46Yeah, I could stretch to a shirt.
08:48I've got some old trainers here somewhere.
08:49If I can find them.
08:50I don't know where anything is.
08:51They're clean and moving things around like a mouse.
08:54They're without the incontinence.
08:55I don't know where anything is.
09:25I don't know where anything is.
09:55Oh my God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
10:00Hi. Found one.
10:03Jumped by some kids out delivering pizza.
10:05God, who was it?
10:07Teenage mutant ninja wankers.
10:11Jesus, are you hurt?
10:14It's okay.
10:15What do you need?
10:16I'm fine, honestly.
10:18You don't look great.
10:19Take aim for your money. She's just coming for your self-esteem.
10:22I didn't mean that. I mean we should call an ambulance.
10:24It's just my shoulder.
10:26You collapsed.
10:29Just shot. I'm feeling...
10:31Okay, did you call the police?
10:33No.
10:33I can do that for you.
10:38Wait. He's going to go to the station when he's got his breath back.
10:45Right.
10:51Did he give you food? Would you like a sandwich?
10:53How quickly do you think I can make a sandwich?
10:55Oh, we're cream.
10:56In a sandwich?
10:57Antiseptic for the...
10:58for the cuts.
10:59Please.
11:00You don't have to do anything.
11:01Nonsense. Let me make you a sandwich.
11:04Okay, if it's not too much trouble.
11:06What do we have?
11:07You like kimchi?
11:09He's a victim of violence.
11:10He's not a mystery diner.
11:11Just ignore his bad jokes.
11:18I do.
11:19Daily.
11:22Don't slice that too thick.
11:23You'll ruin a sandwich.
11:31For a minute we thought you were a crazy fan or something.
11:35Like New York?
11:37Yeah.
11:38He was intense.
11:39He showed up at like one in the morning.
11:42Not like three.
11:43He didn't leave.
11:44Made me sign his arse.
11:45Oh, my God.
11:55You're Lenny Bray.
11:57Oh, I'm sorry.
12:01That's all right.
12:01I'll see.
12:01I didn't realise that you were you.
12:06Oh, well...
12:07My head's...
12:07My head's all...
12:09In your defence, I wasn't this fat 25 years ago.
12:13Um, I like your show.
12:16I mean, I've only seen a few episodes.
12:18You're forgiven on the grounds that you were a child when I made them.
12:22That's true.
12:23I like to be reminded of my own mortality.
12:26I mean, you're probably tired of hearing this all the time,
12:29but they were really funny.
12:31You're joking.
12:32If he doesn't hear it three times a day, he gets IBS.
12:36I like the American version, too.
12:38Oh, because it was funnier.
12:40Yeah, well, pay for this house.
12:43And your bee venom facials.
12:56Why don't you show him the wall?
12:58Oh, no.
12:58People like it.
12:59It has all his, um, memorabilia and silly trophies.
13:04Come on.
13:06He's had a dreadful evening.
13:08Well, it'd be cool.
13:10I'd like to be reminded of how fantastic I was.
13:14No, no, okay.
13:15Just quickly, though.
13:16Oh, wow.
13:37Nice to have.
13:49These are all the people you made that show with?
13:52Finally, last day, I think.
13:56That's amazing.
13:57Good memories.
13:59People really love that show, huh?
14:01I've been lucky.
14:11Lenny, is it true that you wrote that first one by hand?
14:14What?
14:15The script for the first episode.
14:18Yeah.
14:19Your sandwich will be...
14:24Can I get an autograph?
14:26Is that still the thing?
14:28It's like getting smallpox, innit?
14:29Well, I don't have a phone.
14:31People won't believe that I met you otherwise.
14:32You write me a message?
14:42Sure, yeah.
14:44Who to?
14:45Ben.
14:48So, sorry you got beaten up on my road, Ben.
14:51They probably lack strong father figures.
14:53Or, like, I can never forget a day like this.
15:02Or, you know, some of them.
15:22We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
15:25And then send it on.
15:26And then you can get going.
15:32I found the good cheese.
15:49The cheddar had a full head of hair on it.
15:50Great.
15:51Maybe you can put that in a Tupperware.
15:53Uh, he, uh, Ben would like his quick photograph.
16:03And we could send that on.
16:05Right.
16:14Ready?
16:18Oh, that's lovely.
16:20Can we get one more for safety?
16:21No, I think we've got it.
16:22I blinked.
16:28Sure.
16:31One, two, three.
16:34Yes.
16:36Perfect.
16:36Can I see it?
16:38Um, sure.
16:39And, um, you can also just put your email in there.
16:43And I'll get you those trainers now, yeah?
16:46So, what are you, a nine or a ten or...?
16:48What if they come back?
16:50Who, the, um...
16:51The people that attacked me.
16:52Well, then we should call the police.
16:53They can't help.
16:54Well, they might.
16:55They can't.
16:55Then we should, um, call the delivery people and see if they can send somebody.
17:01It's an Indian restaurant that would be closed by now.
17:03Not pizza?
17:04Hey.
17:04Hey.
17:06It's all right.
17:08I'm just gonna grab some trainers now, and then we can be done.
17:26okay hey and it's been really great to meet you and i'd love to talk some more but it is
17:32late now and you know i need my funny sleep oh okay all right listen i'm really honored that
17:41you love the show okay i really i mean that i really mean that means a lot
17:44but when people are on tv you know sometimes it's easy to forget that they're behind it all
17:53you know they're just ordinary and they can get scared yeah and i don't want anyone to be scared
18:01now no okay we can we could do some more photos yeah you could take take some stuff
18:23no don't you hurt him it's too hard to please
18:34is it too hard to please your phone what where in the bedroom you don't need to do this
18:44please please i choose what happens okay okay please please i choose what happens okay
18:55okay all right choose what happens now okay
18:58okay
19:06go
19:08okay
19:09okay
19:11okay
19:17okay
19:19okay
19:21okay
19:23okay
19:34okay
19:36okay
19:40okay
19:44okay
19:46okay
19:48okay
20:01okay
20:03okay
20:05okay
20:07okay
20:11okay
20:13i know it might not feel like it but it can still go well and maybe you you don't believe me but you should
20:21you should
20:23i'm sorry
20:24no you're not
20:25why would i not be sorry
20:27because i just tied you up
20:28ben ben
20:30please talk to me
20:32why did you come here
20:40no one
20:50no one ever listens to me
20:53no one ever listens to me
20:55who doesn't listen to you
20:58and please talk to me no
20:59no
21:01hey
21:02hey i'm just i'm just asking a question okay
21:05you don't get to ask me questions
21:06right okay okay but
21:08let's not rush
21:09things here
21:10right
21:12all my life
21:14who has ever listened to me
21:16i'm listening to you i'm listening to you right now
21:17when i was four
21:25i got my first new family
21:29when i cried
21:31because i was scared because i wanted my mum
21:35you know what they did
21:39they put me in the furthest room
21:41my mum made the heavy door
21:47you couldn't hear me from there
21:49that sounds like an awful experience
21:51and not one of them
21:53cared about a single thing that ever came out of my mouth
21:56and is that why you're here
21:58revenge
22:00you want revenge on the world somehow because if that is then i totally understand
22:05the world hasn't been that nice to you but do you think this is going to help
22:08hurting us
22:12is that who you think i am
22:15i think we could all be pushed to revenge if somebody hurts us but
22:19the question is can we stop ourselves
22:22shall we stop ourselves
22:30where's the script
22:31what
22:32the script the first one the first one that you wrote
22:35is that is that what this is about
22:39is that what you want
22:41what do you want what what you want a memento like a souvenir
22:44lenny you break my house you brush my ribs
22:47you scare my wife for that
22:50what so you could show it off so it'd be like a fan
22:53then it's where is the screen
22:56i'm listening to you i'm listening to you right now
22:58it's in the safe it's in the safe in the office
23:03it's it's two oh two three two three oh four eight one
23:12just take it take it take whatever you want and go
23:25i'm gonna press the button
23:31I'm going to go press the button.
23:43Maggie!
23:44Maggie, what if he comes back for me?
23:46I'm going to get her some help.
24:01I'm going to get her some help.
24:17I'm going to get her some help.
24:23I'm going to get her some help.
24:50I don't know.
25:20I don't know.
25:50I don't know.
26:20I don't know.
26:50I don't know.
27:20I don't know.
27:50I don't know.
28:20I don't know.
28:50I don't know.
28:51I don't know.
28:52I don't know.
28:53I don't know.
28:54I don't know.
28:55I don't know.
28:57I don't know.
28:58I don't know.
28:59I don't know.
29:00I don't know.
29:01I don't know.
29:02I don't know.
29:03I don't know.
29:05I don't know.
29:06I don't know.
29:07I don't know.
29:08I don't know.
29:09I don't know.
29:10I don't know.
29:12I don't know.
29:13It's okay.
29:15I'm so sorry.
29:16It's okay.
29:21It's okay.
29:45I'm sorry.
30:15Look, you've got what you want.
30:21Just leave us alone, please.
30:25I'm used to people wanting me to go away.
30:27Oh, I can't think why.
30:30By the time I was 18, I'd had so many names.
30:33I didn't know who I was anymore.
30:38Must have knocked on a hundred doors asking to see my case files, trying to find out.
30:43They said they lost them.
30:45And they were burnt in a fire.
30:50I'm sorry that happened to you.
30:55The system contorts to protect itself.
30:58I said get out.
31:06Must have worked with a lot of people on that show.
31:09Yeah.
31:11Hundreds.
31:14Cast.
31:15Crew.
31:17Takes a lot of hands on deck to make something like that.
31:20Well, because of something you made up.
31:23That's a big responsibility.
31:26Major of the beast.
31:28Major of the beast.
31:30Tell me you're not one of those internet toss bots who don't like the ending.
31:40You want me to rewrite it?
31:41Like fucking misery.
31:42Like fucking misery.
31:43Is that what this is about?
31:47They're not commodities, are they?
31:50What?
31:50These people.
31:52You might get up, move on to the next thing, walk away.
31:54But if you used that, they'd get hurt.
31:58I don't know what this is about.
31:59I don't know what this is about.
32:00You want me to confess to, what, being a prick?
32:04Being a showbiz prick?
32:06Someone who was nasty to your favourite characters?
32:09You want to cancel me?
32:13Okay, right.
32:14You're right.
32:15Throw a can of pay into a room full of people I work with, you're probably going to hit someone
32:20I was a wanker to.
32:21You're like actors, directors, producers.
32:25Everything you've heard is probably true.
32:27Is that what you want to hear?
32:32A rich man regrets things.
32:36Well, if it makes you happy, then yeah, why not?
32:39I regret it.
32:40But I was just trying to make something good, you know?
32:42And maybe you're here because I did.
32:57I got my case files in the end.
33:02A lot of the pages were black.
33:03There was so much stuff redacted.
33:05But they get a picture of my mum.
33:08Only one I've got.
33:12And...
33:12It was this.
33:17When she wrote this, I could barely write my own name.
33:23Do you remember her?
33:25I don't know what you're talking about.
33:27Production assistant.
33:29First series.
33:31Make coffee, probably.
33:32Fetch lunch.
33:33You said yourself.
33:34I work with a lot of people.
33:37I think.
33:38You remember my mother?
33:40Well, untie me.
33:42And we can go through my contacts.
33:44How about that?
33:48Her name...
33:49was Nell.
33:57You don't remember her?
34:02Who was that?
34:04Apparently someone who handed me an almond croissant a quarter of a century ago.
34:08Yeah, she knew you.
34:10A lot of people know me.
34:12Yeah, but she wrote about you.
34:13A lot of people write about me.
34:15One minute he says he loves me.
34:23And the next, he's so terrible, I feel like he'd rather I was dead.
34:27Is this a joke?
34:28I don't even know her.
34:29And I know all the reasons why I should live.
34:32But I can't do it anymore.
34:35Leonard.
34:36I swear.
34:37I remember her taking me to your set.
34:40I definitely remember being excited.
34:43Being happy.
34:44How long did it take you to ruin all that?
34:52Because she wrote this letter a year after you made that show.
34:58No, no.
34:59That's impossible.
35:00We were together then, Leonard.
35:01What is this?
35:02It's just another liar wanting something he's not going to get.
35:05Go on.
35:06Take the script.
35:07You can take whatever you want and get out.
35:10She says you told her to do it.
35:16She says you told her maybe she should end it.
35:18If being with you was making her so sad.
35:22Come on.
35:25Is that what you did?
35:26No.
35:28Did you tell her to do it?
35:30Look, I'm sorry to ruin your sad story.
35:33I don't even remember meeting your mother.
35:34Never mind falling in love with her.
35:40I sometimes wonder if I was in the room as she wrote this.
35:58Ben.
35:59I'm so, so sorry for what happened to you.
36:10I know it's tough.
36:11I sometimes wonder if she meant for me to read this one, Mary.
36:17But you have to understand that a lot of people say things about Lenny that just aren't true.
36:22And these lies we just have to deal with, even if it's hard.
36:28Maybe that's why she wrote it on the back of this.
36:32Hey, Nelly.
36:34Sorry I had to leave so early.
36:37I just wanted to let you know I could never forget a day like this.
36:46Did you write that?
36:48Of course I didn't.
36:49Then why is it in your handwriting?
36:50Is this truly how pathetic and greedy you actually are?
36:56You think you could make me pay you to go away with this horse shit?
37:01I just said that you loved her if the opposite was true.
37:04Leonard.
37:05I never said anything of the sort.
37:12I love you past the edges of time.
37:20Did you tell her to do it?
37:36I'll tell you what's not in your case, Vile.
37:52Your mother was a fruitcake.
37:53I just told her to shit or get off the pot if she's so unhappy.
38:02And you know what?
38:04I did her a favour.
38:05Shut up!
38:06I know I did because I was there when it happened.
38:10I'm only a fuck for free!
38:26So yes, I do remember your pathetic little mother.
38:38I remember the look in her eyes.
38:43Almost.
38:44It almost looked like a smile.
38:46You choose what happens.
39:04You choose what happens.
39:07You choose.
39:09You choose what happens.
39:10It's okay.
39:30It's gonna be okay.
39:32Maggie!
39:34Yeah.
39:36Yeah.
39:37Yeah, come.
39:38Cut them.
39:39Maggie!
39:40Yeah, yeah.
39:42Cut the ties.
39:45Okay, what are you doing?
39:47What are you doing?
39:47What are you doing?
39:55Oh, no!
39:56Oh, no!
40:07I'm...
40:08Telling the police what happened.
40:10What I found.
40:13When I came out of the shower.
40:17You...
40:20Attacking...
40:21This young man.
40:25Because he came here to find out...
40:27The truth about his mother.
40:30And I stopped it.
40:31Maggie...
40:32Maggie...
40:32Maggie...
40:33Shh...
40:34Maggie...
40:35Don't...
40:36You know what this will do to me.
40:43Maggie...
40:44Don't...
40:48You know what this will do to me.
40:53Maggie, don't...
40:55You know what this will do to me.
41:11Shhh.
41:23Thank you for calling 999. What's your emergency?
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