- 5 hours ago
The Blame Game - Season 23 Episode 3
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00:00Hello, hello and welcome to the Blame News.
00:29The Blame Game, the show that has more ups and downs than a Palestinian flag at Belfast City Hall.
00:37I'm Tim McGarry and our regular panellists are Colin Murphy, Diona Doherty and Neil Delamere.
00:49And our special guest tonight makes a triumphant return to the Blame Game after her appearance on the show last year.
00:55She went on to win a nomination for a major Best Newcomer award.
00:58She sold out the Grand Opera House with her solo show and secured a commission to write a Channel 4 sitcom.
01:03If tonight goes as well, she could end up being First Minister by February.
01:09Please welcome the funniest thing to come out of Straban since...
01:12Please welcome the funniest thing to come out of Straban.
01:16It's the fabulous Eimear McGuire!
01:26Now on with the show.
01:27The audience asked the questions and our panel provides some very unreliable answers.
01:30So what is our first question tonight?
01:32Our first question tonight is asked by Mark, who's from Ballanderry.
01:35Hi, Mark.
01:36Hi, Tim.
01:36Who's to blame for rage bait?
01:39Thank you, Mark.
01:40Who do you blame for rage bait?
01:43Rage bait has been named the word of the year 2025.
01:47If you don't know what rage bait is, simply look up Jimmy Bryson's Twitter feed.
01:53Or if you're not tech savvy and want to know what rage bait is, just walk past Belfast City Hall and look up at the flagpole.
02:00The idea is to boost online views and interactions by being deliberately provocative and causing people to be angry.
02:08Apparently, the more deliberately extreme and outrageous you are, the more people will engage with you.
02:13By the way, I am on both X and Instagram, if any of you stupid bastards want to follow me.
02:21But who can we blame for rage bait?
02:23And by the way, there will be extra marks on this question for any panellist who doesn't mention The Nolan Show.
02:30Yeah, rage bait is just there to fry our heads.
02:45It's like, do you know when you're doom scrolling and videos come on and it's something like on purpose to annoy you,
02:49it's like someone pouring a cup of tea, but they'll put their milk in first and you're like,
02:52I don't want to have an opinion on this, but I need to tell you you're a psycho.
02:56No! It just leaves you so long.
02:57Or do you like an online chef will be like, I'm here to help you make a gourmet sandwich with things you just have lying around in your cupboard.
03:04You're like, I don't have aged Tasmanian truffle oil, you age it.
03:08I have a packet of crisps and a heel and I know exactly what I'm going to make.
03:11But do you know, there's a really, there's a really common tactic people use to make a social media video do really well,
03:18and that is, in the video, you say something that is wrong,
03:21because people love to correct you in the comments, and that will best the algorithm.
03:26I'm going to make a viral social media for us right now, based on that information.
03:30This is my camera here.
03:32Tim McGarry is a great guy.
03:33Also, is it Derry or Londonderry? I can't remember.
03:50Well, things that make people annoyed too, mostly parents, if there's any here,
03:54watching, like, kids' TV shows that are mind-numbing.
03:58Like, Wayne Rooney said this week that he got the snap because he can't bear to watch Mr Tumble anymore.
04:03And, like, fair enough, there are only some kids' programmes I can get behind.
04:07One of them is Paw Patrol.
04:08Like, sometimes I'm watching Paw Patrol and I'm like,
04:10they have, like, a far better organised police service than the PSN.
04:15Do you know what I mean?
04:16Like, they have, like, jetpacks and, like, ski mobiles.
04:19Like, the PSN can't even send an email without unleashing a database of names.
04:24Do you know what I mean?
04:25Like, if something happens in Adventure Bay, the whole community know what to do.
04:30They ring the Paw Patrol, they're straight there, they sort of the crying.
04:32When something happens here in the community, we go on Facebook.
04:37Did anybody hear that big, loud bang?
04:40What the hell was that?
04:41And then the police just start their investigation in the comment section.
04:45Like, the police will be at your door in two seconds if you tweet.
04:49You, I hate touts, yous know who yous are.
04:52They're at your door with a wee notepad.
04:54Like, do you know, do you have any names?
04:57You don't know.
04:57But he's got the snip after having four kids.
05:01See, if you ask me, that's too many kids.
05:03Four's too many.
05:04You'll lose count.
05:05Do you, like, you can't keep up with the names.
05:06It's just too many kids.
05:07Apparently, he's now just sticking a football jersey on them with a number on the back.
05:12We all know these children's names.
05:14I only, I didn't know these names.
05:15They're the most Scottish names in the world.
05:17If you have a Scottish accent, you couldn't pick better names.
05:19Because I had to write them down, because they were a bit of a tongue twister.
05:21It's clay, kai, kitten, cat.
05:26Clay, kai, kitten, cat.
05:28It's dead easy to talk like Scousy, right?
05:31Because my grand's out was a Scousy.
05:32And it's dead easy.
05:33All you have to do is pretend you just come from a dentist.
05:37Your tongue's still a bit numb, do you know what I mean?
05:39And I can't really talk properly.
05:40You just want to talk like this, too.
05:41So you don't touch it.
05:42Your tongue's just there like that.
05:44Clay, kai, kitten, cat.
05:46Not clit.
05:47No, don't call you.
05:49You can never find him if you cut him down.
05:54But he said, he's...
05:56Three of them are kai.
05:58So there's clay, kai, and kit.
06:00And they're all k.
06:01And then Cass with a c.
06:03They hate her.
06:03But they're all the same.
06:04They hate her.
06:05They're all the same.
06:06I love Mr. Tumble.
06:07I think he's great.
06:08So I was a speech language therapist before I was a comedian.
06:11And anybody who's watched it knows he uses Macaton.
06:13He does speech therapy, helps your communication.
06:15And I think Wayne Rooney should probably watch more Mr. Tumble.
06:19Because you're saying about his kai, kai, cass, kip.
06:23His wife's called Colleen.
06:24Like, he has clearly not moved.
06:26Like, the first time we teach is speech therapy is kk.
06:28Like, he's...
06:29So you said he didn't stop watching Mr. Tumble
06:32because it was too intellectually challenging.
06:35I think it is true.
06:36There is a lot of rage bait.
06:36I personally, on TikTok, serve as rage bait for people.
06:40Oh.
06:41Yes.
06:41My appearance is very...
06:43People get very angry about my appearance.
06:46How dare you?
06:46How dare I look mediocre?
06:49How dare I?
06:50How dare I be a four out of ten with a great personality?
06:53But, like, people always comment and they'll say, like,
06:57who's this, they, them, or whatever.
06:59Who's that, whatever.
07:00A lot of people comment and say,
07:02Harry Potter's put on a bit of weight.
07:03That's quite a...
07:04It's kind of hurtful that you laughed at, Colleen.
07:07And my most recent one, which I actually...
07:09I'll stop saying it now.
07:10You don't know how to use TikTok.
07:17My favourite one, somebody commented recently and was like,
07:20do you know what?
07:20To give her a juice, Rosemary West is pretty good crack.
07:25I looked at it, and these glasses tint when it's bright.
07:28So I had these tinted glasses.
07:29I looked a bit creepy.
07:30I thought, fair play.
07:31That was a good one.
07:34The other one, the other rage bait thing is,
07:36off the back of the budget, was the modability scheme.
07:39Oh, yeah, people getting angry.
07:41Oh, right-wing papers, all the Sun and the Telegraph
07:43and all the other ones, they hate the Dilly Mail.
07:45They all hate the modability scheme.
07:47They're all like, oh, look at these people.
07:49They're not disabled.
07:50Look, they've got legs.
07:51They're not disabled.
07:53And now, oh, this guy, oh, apparently,
07:55apparently gets a bit anxious.
07:56He needs a bloody car.
07:58And they go nuts about it.
07:59They're always giving off about people getting free cars
08:02because, oh, he's claustrophobic.
08:04Look at, he's getting a convertible.
08:06You know, it's all this sort of thing.
08:08Anything free.
08:09Anybody that's got a disability,
08:10oh, it's not a disability,
08:11he's a beast and he's getting free onion rings.
08:14You know, it's just...
08:14They're annoyed about that
08:16and they don't know how to feel about the electric cars.
08:20So electric cars are going to have to pay a mileage.
08:21Yeah.
08:22Right, not going to affect me.
08:23I drive in kilometres.
08:28That's how that works.
08:33Thank you very much for that.
08:34Yes, there have been calls for schools to go to a four-day week
08:39in order to boost recruitment and retention of teachers.
08:43Yeah, great idea.
08:44Let's make the part-time workers even more part-time.
08:48Because, like, teachers already work far too hard, don't they?
08:51I mean, they only finish work at three o'clock every day.
08:54We wouldn't want them to miss homes under the hammer, would we?
08:57Plus, they get every weekend off.
08:58They get the summer off.
08:59Get weeks off at Christmas, Easter and Halloween.
09:01Not to mention the mid-term breaks.
09:03And, of course, they're numerous teacher training days.
09:06Why do they have so many teacher training days?
09:07I'll tell you why.
09:08Because they're off so often they forget how to do the job.
09:10They're bloody well painted down.
09:19That's not rage bait, by the way.
09:21I just forgot to take my anger management pills.
09:25So what is our next question tonight?
09:27Our next question tonight is asked by Michael from Banbridge.
09:30Hi, Michael.
09:30Hi, Tim.
09:31Who's to blame for quirky criminals?
09:34Who do you blame for quirky criminals?
09:36Yes, 11 koi carp have gone missing from a pond in Hydebank Prison.
09:41In unrelated news, the prison tuck shop has started doing a sideline in sushi.
09:47Prison authorities say the area where the pond is located is not covered by CCTV,
09:52presumably because they weren't expecting the carp to build a tunnel.
09:56And recently, Bailey, the support dog, was released from jail.
10:00People complained about the conditions Bailey was held in.
10:02But the prisoners really loved Bailey because he was cute, he was friendly.
10:06And most important of all, he wasn't a sniffer dog.
10:09But who can we blame for quirky criminals?
10:12I think for this one, the koi carp is a bit bizarre.
10:17They went missing from a pond on the grounds of Hydebank where they had the young offenders
10:21and the female prisoners.
10:22But the part of it that I was interested in was the fact that Bailey, Bailey had to be removed
10:27due to his mental health.
10:28Bailey, the dog, removed from McGilligan and put into temporary care.
10:33And it was supposed to be do rehabilitate inmates.
10:37And the thing that really, the thing about that story that really sticks with me,
10:40assistance dogs and therapy dogs are a very rare sight in Northern Ireland.
10:44And I am really surprised Hydebank got one.
10:47Like, they get everything.
10:48And I have a diagnosis of autism.
10:52I have an autism assistance dog.
10:54But it took me a really long time to get one.
10:56And I could have just committed a crime.
10:58I could have just, you know, murdered someone.
10:59And my assistance dog is called Dougal.
11:02He's called Dougal McGuire, Dougal the Poodle.
11:03And he's massive.
11:04He's my height.
11:05And he's supposed to help me.
11:06What is your height?
11:07He's my...
11:08He's actually a little bit taller.
11:09I was showing Neil pictures of him earlier.
11:10On his hind legs?
11:12Yeah.
11:13He's not his all four.
11:14Not his front legs.
11:15Listen.
11:16Look at the big red dog.
11:18He's huge.
11:18He's gigantic.
11:19He's a poodle, but he's one of the really big ones.
11:20So, he's supposed to help me with difficulties I have associated with my autism diagnosis.
11:27So, like, alert me when it's medication time.
11:29Or, like, guard me in crowds.
11:31Or deep pressure therapy or whatever.
11:32I'm helping with anxiety.
11:33And I had to take him to the vet recently.
11:35And the vet diagnosed him with anxiety.
11:38And...
11:39Gave him the medication that I have.
11:42So, now, we're on the same ones.
11:47Is he getting a budgie?
11:48He's...
11:49He's like...
11:50He's...
11:52He's alert.
11:52Do you need to alert, honey?
11:54He alerts me.
11:55He alerts me.
11:55We're kind of in...
11:56Yeah, we're on inception.
11:57But we're on a loop.
11:59Bailey has been placed with us to try and help us.
12:00But people aren't kind of...
12:02People are not used to seeing assistance dogs in Northern Ireland.
12:05So, he wears a wee assistance jacket and he has a wee bag.
12:09It's awful cute.
12:09I'd say it's quite big.
12:10A big assistance jacket.
12:12And people think, because they're not used to seeing assistance dogs, people think he's
12:17a guide dog.
12:18And obviously, like, I'm not blind.
12:20As you can see...
12:21As I can see, I'm not blind.
12:23And my glasses, as I was saying, they tint when I'm outside and the brightness.
12:30So, when I'm driving the car, he's so big, he goes in the passenger seat with a seatbelt
12:35across him.
12:35And with his assistance jacket on and his badge and all, he's ready to go.
12:41And his elbow and all, like, the window, smoking it.
12:44And they're like...
12:44People see him and they're like, oh.
12:47And then they're like...
12:49Is that a guide dog?
12:51And then they look at me and I'm with the tinted glasses.
12:54And they're like...
12:56What's she doing?
12:56They think I'm a blind person driving.
12:58And he's just there.
13:00So, it is bizarre.
13:01And he's there going, I take a leftist next round.
13:05But the amount of people who think he's not mine, when they realise he's not a guide
13:09dog, they look at me and they're like, he's not yours.
13:12So, they come up to me.
13:13A wee woman came up to me at a coffee shop recently and she looked at him in his wee
13:17jacket and she was like, oh, he'll be awful sad when you have to get rid of him.
13:22And I was like, well, I don't know if it's like a threat.
13:24I was like, what do you mean?
13:26And she says, whenever he goes off to the poor wee disabled child.
13:30And I was like, I am the poor wee disabled child.
13:33Did you hear about the criminal, the suspect who broke into the liquor store in Virginia?
13:39Oh, yes, that's awesome.
13:39And it's got absolutely steaming.
13:41So, broke in and the police were called, went to investigate and the police was a mess.
13:46And there was all these drink bottles everywhere, smashed bottles of spirits.
13:49There was only interest in spirits all over the place.
13:51And the police found him in the bathroom, fast asleep between the toilet and the bin,
13:54which we've all been there.
13:55And it was, it was a raccoon.
14:01There's your man doing, there's the UVF dude who's in jail.
14:04Winky Irvine.
14:05Winky Irvine.
14:06God, he almost sounds cute.
14:09He's in jail.
14:10Apparently, he's taking up yoga.
14:11He has.
14:11And meditation.
14:12Allegedly.
14:13Yeah, he's doing the downward facing mad dog.
14:17Yeah, he's very zen.
14:18He wakes up in the morning like, namaste, and the officers are like, yeah, you are going
14:21to stay, your sentence has been extended.
14:23You know when he did originally get arrested, they like, searched his house and they, it's
14:27hard to deny things because they find lots of like, UVF pendants and UVF jumpers and balaclavas
14:31and UVF framed photographs.
14:33Like, sort of like, don't be a pal in the military and then also run the gift shop from your living
14:36room.
14:38Thank you, thank you very much for that, yes.
14:40Winky is seen as a bit of an intellectual, which in loyalist paramilitary terms means
14:44some of his tattoos are actually spelt correctly.
14:49So what is our next question tonight?
14:50Our next question tonight is asked by Lauren from Belfast.
14:53Hi, Lauren, what's your question?
14:55Who's to blame for welcomed visitors?
14:58Yes, the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky, was welcomed to Dublin this week.
15:03I don't like to boast, but Volodymyr and I are actually very, very similar.
15:07He used to be a lawyer.
15:08I used to be a lawyer.
15:09He became a comedian.
15:10I became a comedian.
15:11He's a fantastic war leader.
15:13And I'm from North Belfast.
15:16Ireland also gave Ukraine 125 million euro, which sounds a lot, but is actually the price
15:22of a two-bedroom flat in Dublin city centre.
15:26Also down south, for the first time ever, Gardaà are to be given tasers.
15:30One member of the public said the decision to give the police the weapons was shocking.
15:34Exactly the type of joke that people should be tasered for.
15:42But who can we blame for welcomed visitors?
15:45Yeah, Volodymyr Zelensky came to Ireland.
15:47The only reason I knew he was in Dublin is because the guards went by me in a convoy and
15:51I saw the new guard, a SWAT van.
15:53Have you seen this thing?
15:54Oh my God, half a million quid they spent on this thing.
15:57It's matte black.
15:59It has gun slits and it's all armoured.
16:02And it looks like Batman fucked a bin lorry.
16:05That's what it looks like, like a horse rode a rhino.
16:10That's what it looks like.
16:11And it's like, ah, welcome to Gotham, I am Batman.
16:14And then ten well-armed culchies get over it and go, start playing lads.
16:19It's brilliant.
16:20It's very odd when you're walking around Dublin to see armoured police cars, essentially.
16:24I know you grew up in North Belfast and you would describe it as a soft-topped cabriolet.
16:28Probably, right?
16:28But Ireland's giving him money.
16:33It's non-military, non-lethal military aid, I think it is what it is.
16:36Because the rest of Europe is now bringing back military service.
16:39So France is bringing it back, Germany is bringing it back.
16:42My dearest hope is that it comes here.
16:44I just think military service here will be absolutely amazing.
16:47Can you imagine how many middle-aged men in Northern Ireland would have to pretend
16:51it was the first time they'd ever used a gun?
16:56I just think it would be amazing.
16:57I'd be brutal as a soldier.
16:59I fired a machine gun once in my life.
17:01Myself and my wife, we went to Miami and we had a big row and I decided to prepare.
17:06No.
17:08And we did this weird, you could fire guns in a very kind of commercial range.
17:12And they had like a James Bond package where you could fire all the guns from the James Bond film.
17:16They had an A-team package where you could fire all the guns from the A-team.
17:18They had the Northern Ireland Troubles package where you could fire a gun,
17:24pretend you've never fired it and then sue the BBC for defamation.
17:27I would like to distance myself from my own remark.
17:36By the way, all the guards who are walking around Dublin now want to be the guards who have the tasers.
17:43So there's only 128 guards who have the tasers and they've announced that the 128 guards have the tasers.
17:49They shouldn't have announced it.
17:50I think, you know when you see those little lads at ruffians, let's call them, in the North Face jackets on e-scooters at riots.
17:56I think the first time they found out the guards had tasers should be at the riots when the guard has a taser.
18:03I said, what are you going to do, what are you going to do, you big bug man, what are you going to do?
18:07The thing is, I didn't know, until this story, that up here, cops don't have tasers.
18:14They've guns.
18:15Cops don't have tasers.
18:16They've guns.
18:16They said that, oh no, we might bring them in, but it takes a lot of training.
18:20And you're going, in the meantime...
18:22Oh, here, don't be giving me that tasers, I couldn't wire a plug.
18:35Yes, thank you for that.
18:37While Jelensky was being welcomed in Dublin and Belfast, we had controversy over what?
18:42A flag.
18:44Yes, only in Northern Ireland could someone take a legal case complaining about the flying of a flag,
18:49then go on holiday, thus missing the actual flying of the flag.
18:54Apparently a Palestinian flag is so offensive, it sends some people round the bend
18:57and sends other people to Magaluf.
19:01There were protests, legal challenges and public disorder over one flag.
19:05Most people asked, what was the point?
19:07Did anyone really gain out of this?
19:09Yes, but there were mainly barristers and peelers claiming overtime.
19:13So what is our next question tonight?
19:15Our next question tonight is asked by Dennis from Belfast.
19:18Hi, Dennis, what's your question?
19:19Who's to blame for creepy communications?
19:22Well, ask Dennis from Belfast.
19:24Slightly creepy there, mate.
19:28Who do you blame for creepy communications?
19:31Yes, major retailers such as Tesco are using robot security guards with Belfast accents
19:37to scare off shop listeners and thieves.
19:40I don't mind that the robots can do a Belfast accent.
19:43What annoys me is that one of those robots will probably get a cameo role in blue lights before I do.
19:48The Northern Ireland accents are used because they sound very scary to English ears.
19:55Well, the second batch of robots do.
19:57The first lot, unfortunately, use the voice of Julian Simmons.
20:00And great news, Northern Ireland.
20:05We've got a brand new Republican splinter group.
20:08Yes, we haven't had one of these for weeks.
20:13The so-called new Republican movement are anti-migrant.
20:16Mind you, the old Republican movement were pretty anti-migrant too.
20:19They were particularly anti-the migrants who came here 400 years ago.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:23But who can we blame for creepy communications?
20:29Yes, so these robots, Tesco have got them,
20:31and I presume by warnings that they give out to intruders
20:35or people who are trying to break into storerooms and things
20:38is exactly what we were just talking about.
20:40It's a robot that just goes,
20:41Hey, boy! I know your dad!
20:44Do you know what I mean?
20:45That's the warning.
20:46That's the kind of warning that's given out,
20:48not the other kinds of warnings you get here,
20:50which are from coaches,
20:51which are things like,
20:52Never sell a hen on a wet day.
20:54LAUGHTER
20:55Which I think would be a much better thing
21:00to shout at a burglar.
21:01It would confuse them, wouldn't it,
21:03if they're there trying to break in,
21:04especially with their English,
21:05and the next thing they hear,
21:05Hey, boy, hey, never sell a hen on a wet day.
21:08You'd leave immediately, you would immediately leave,
21:12or maybe there should be a bit more...
21:13Why don't you sell a hen on a wet day?
21:15Ah, Tim!
21:16Jesus!
21:17If you need to be told,
21:18you shouldn't have the hen in the first place.
21:22APPLAUSE
21:23The thing is, maybe then...
21:30LAUGHTER
21:31That is...
21:33That is my favourite thing he has ever said on this show.
21:36That took me to the fair.
21:38The thing is, it should be more...
21:41They think, you see,
21:42because this is put together by an English company,
21:44this isn't a company from here,
21:44it's an English company that's done this,
21:46and they've deliberately gone out to find,
21:48and they've used an accent from here.
21:49It isn't a Belfast accent as such,
21:50it's just a generic sort of rubbish.
21:52I think it sounds like an actor doing an accent from here,
21:54to be honest with you.
21:55And it's not...
21:57It is sort of,
21:59Here, I'm watching you, leave immediately.
22:01It's one of these sort of voices.
22:02It should be a bit more like here,
22:04because the AI in the could do anything now,
22:05it should be a bit more slaggy,
22:07it should be a bit more sort of,
22:07here, oh, here he is now,
22:09Dick Turnip.
22:10And that sort of thing.
22:12You're the robber piece you're taking away,
22:14aren't you?
22:15And it says you,
22:15if it was a Cornetto,
22:16you'd be in 10 minutes ago.
22:17You know, it's just...
22:18And obviously,
22:21if they've got these,
22:21because Tesco's everywhere,
22:22it's here,
22:23so presumably,
22:24they don't have the same machine here
22:25with the same voice,
22:26because it wouldn't work here,
22:26obviously,
22:27because it'd just be one of us,
22:28shouting at one of us,
22:29and we're going,
22:29hey, pop your hole.
22:30You know,
22:30and just get on with it.
22:32So, the only thing that would work here
22:33is the voice of somebody's mouth.
22:35That's the only thing that would work.
22:37Oh, son,
22:38what are you doing?
22:38Don't be doing that.
22:41Oh, you're making a show
22:41that he'll be talking about me for weeks.
22:43You know,
22:43I'll just leave it down.
22:45They're describing these things
22:46as dialects,
22:46and they're not really,
22:47they don't move around or anything,
22:48they're quite static,
22:49but they do have,
22:50the voices,
22:51I suppose our voices
22:52are quite dialect-y,
22:53or as it's pronounced correctly,
22:55dar-leck-y.
22:56And,
22:57are quite dar-leck-y.
22:58You know,
22:59it is,
22:59it's that,
23:00you know,
23:01exterminate!
23:01It's very,
23:02from here,
23:03isn't it?
23:03It's exterminate!
23:04It's not far away from,
23:05discriminate!
23:06You know,
23:07it's very,
23:07very similar.
23:08Isn't it?
23:08It's very similar.
23:09What way do you want your floor done?
23:10Laminate!
23:11You know,
23:11it's just,
23:12I'm here to see the doctor,
23:13what about,
23:14my posture!
23:16They're just as angry
23:17in the GPs as well.
23:18I want to see the doctor!
23:19Are you the doctor?
23:20Give me the doctor!
23:24But with the,
23:24the Daleks,
23:26with the accents here,
23:26I think that's,
23:27obviously they've went out
23:28and done a survey,
23:28haven't they?
23:29To find out what's the most
23:30threatening accent.
23:31And people have assumed ours
23:32because their references,
23:34mostly for our accent,
23:35are like Liam Neeson
23:36and Nadine Coyle.
23:38And like,
23:38one of those would knock
23:39your bollocks in
23:40and the other one
23:41is Liam Neeson.
23:43Absolutely.
23:44But it's not,
23:44it's not real.
23:45It sounds,
23:46like you say,
23:46it sounds like somebody
23:47from outside here
23:48doing an accent from here
23:49because of what it says.
23:51It says,
23:52you have been,
23:53what is it,
23:53like,
23:53you have been spotted.
23:54The police are being contacted.
23:56And you're thinking,
23:57no,
23:58if it was from here,
23:59it'd be like,
23:59you have been spotted.
24:01I saw nothing.
24:05Because even whenever
24:06we say nice things here,
24:07they sound,
24:07they sound aggressive.
24:09Like my husband
24:09proposed to me,
24:10but like,
24:10you remind me?
24:11And I was like,
24:12yes,
24:12I love you,
24:12I want to have your babies.
24:15Just sounds threatening
24:17all the time.
24:17Another person concerned
24:19about surveillance,
24:20right,
24:20is Naomi Long.
24:21She says she is curious
24:23as to whether or not
24:25she's been a victim
24:25of state surveillance.
24:28Did she, like,
24:29keep being curious?
24:29We both went.
24:30Woo!
24:32I did that.
24:33No,
24:34we thought you meant,
24:34like,
24:34bi-curious.
24:35No, no, no, no, no.
24:36She was very curious.
24:38That's the generational difference.
24:39No, no,
24:40but I'm going to explain
24:41the curious right now
24:42because she was curious
24:43as to whether or not
24:44the security services
24:45were surveilling her,
24:46right?
24:46Yes.
24:47And it'd be very annoying
24:48if they weren't,
24:49wouldn't it?
24:49If you're the justice minister
24:50and they couldn't give a shit.
24:53That's Naomi,
24:53what's she going to do?
24:54Nice things?
24:55I don't know.
24:56But it's the curious bit.
24:57That is exactly the same excuse
24:58that somebody has
25:00when they're caught
25:00on a date nap
25:01and they're in a relationship.
25:02Was,
25:03what are you in a date nap?
25:04I'm just curious
25:05as to see who would like me.
25:07Nobody.
25:09I hope they are
25:10surveilling their phones.
25:11I would love to,
25:12I would think
25:12we should be able to get a,
25:14we should post online
25:14all of the MLA's
25:16like search histories.
25:18We should be able to see that.
25:18Nearly?
25:19You know what I mean?
25:19What is Thormund's
25:20opening hours?
25:21Suffolk at.
25:22If I move the mousepad
25:23on my laptop
25:24every 20 minutes
25:25before Michelle
25:25still think I'm logged in.
25:28There's a story this week
25:29about you can't buy,
25:30they're going to stop
25:31you being able to buy
25:32iPhones here
25:32that use the different,
25:34the non-EU chargers.
25:35Oh, yeah.
25:36Yeah.
25:36The winter framework.
25:37That's it.
25:38They want us all to have,
25:39the exact same charger
25:40and some people
25:40are annoyed about that
25:41and I think that is
25:43absolutely brilliant.
25:44Like, you know,
25:45in this country,
25:46we need,
25:46that is as close
25:47as we're going to get
25:47to United Ireland
25:48if we all have
25:49the same charger.
25:51In a country
25:51where we can't,
25:52you know,
25:53we can't agree on many things,
25:54we can't agree on
25:55where we store our toaster.
25:56Like, let's bring in
25:57that cross-community charger.
25:59I think there should be an ad.
26:01We should do an ad for it,
26:02you know,
26:02to promote,
26:03it should be like,
26:04you know,
26:04the 12th of July parade
26:06and then a wee fella
26:07in a GAA top comes down
26:08and you're like,
26:09oh, is he going to get it hiding?
26:10But he doesn't.
26:11He goes,
26:11here, mate,
26:11can I borrow your charger?
26:13And he can
26:14because they've got
26:15the same charger.
26:17It's just different
26:18coloured leads
26:19and then they just,
26:21they do a big hug
26:23and they do like
26:23a wee bit of a
26:24Fields of Athenry,
26:25the sash hybrid
26:26sort of sing-along.
26:28Everyone goes home
26:29with a full battery
26:30and the tagline at the end
26:31says,
26:32the true meaning
26:33of power sharing.
26:35Oh!
26:43Thank you very much for that.
26:44Just time for a quickfire round.
26:45I will read you
26:46various newspaper headlines
26:47and I want you to be
26:48quicker than a visit
26:48to Crookhaven Hospital A&E.
26:51So,
26:52any time in the next
26:5319 hours is good.
26:56Man feels joy
26:57for the first time
26:58in a decade.
26:59Joy goes straight
27:00to HR.
27:08How to stay skinny
27:10after 60.
27:11Rely on a state pension.
27:15Toxic work friends
27:17can make you age faster.
27:18Tim's only 21.
27:22I have an urgent desire
27:23to have group sex.
27:25Well,
27:25you'll have to wait
27:26to the wrap party
27:26like the rest of us,
27:27time.
27:29Salmon migration numbers
27:31down.
27:32Nigel Farage says
27:33he'll get them down
27:34even further.
27:37The best present
27:38for science lovers,
27:39test tube baby oil.
27:40What rural people don't understand.
27:52Cousins aren't for marrying.
27:53Finally,
27:57it's only going to get worse
27:59from here on.
28:00What Tim says,
28:01Jerm Foreplay.
28:02clap all you want.
28:11Clap all you want,
28:11they won't fucking go out.
28:12I won't fucking go out.
28:12Which is what Tim says.
28:17That's true.
28:17That's it, ladies and gentlemen.
28:25That's the end of the show.
28:27Please show your appreciation
28:28to our panel.
28:29Colin Murphy,
28:30Eimear McGuire,
28:31Duna Doherty,
28:31and Neil Delamere.
28:32I'm Tim McGuire.
28:40Until next week,
28:41don't blame yourselves,
28:42blame each other.
28:42Goodbye.
28:43I'm Tim McGuire.
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