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00:00It's back to school at Hadelson Junior College, and I got my very own office.
00:06It's also used as a dressing room for the theater kids.
00:11Watch this.
00:12I'm a little orphan Annie.
00:16No, we have fun.
00:18So, back to school means the start of football season, and we have our very first game on Saturday.
00:23Now, with 26 weeks to go until Daytona, these games are a great way for my cheerleaders to get out there, strut their stuff, practice, and not for nothing.
00:33But for the first time in Hadelson Junior College history, we have a cheer team.
00:38Unless you got out last year, which is technically more of a one-woman show.
00:42When I say Heidel, you say what?
00:44Heidel?
00:45What?
00:48What?
00:49I'm just going to draw a little football, and, why not, a little Charlie Brown.
00:54He's always so worried.
00:56I'm going to give him a little swirl of hair.
00:57See how he feels about that?
00:59Ugh.
01:00No.
01:01You can see why they made him bald.
01:02Stella!
01:04They're also rehearsing streetcar named Desire.
01:07I don't know why I'm whispering.
01:08Would you mind keeping it down?
01:09If we can hear you backstage, we can hear you on stage.
01:13So, yeah.
01:14Being a cheer coach is more than just cheer.
01:25Okay, I'm looking at your schedule, and all I see is intro to tap-in, and what is me time?
01:30It is my elective, and we're cutting into it right now.
01:34Demarcus, you need to get serious, honey.
01:37Okay, now committing to cheer, that means committing to the school, and that means declaring a major.
01:41Why?
01:41At Sammy Davis Senior, Junior College, I didn't have to have a major.
01:44I didn't even have to go to class.
01:46That football team was hooked up.
01:48You know, a lot of these kids aren't used to doing things for themselves, or they don't have the kind of support or resources that they would need,
01:54so I make it a part of my job as a mama bear to make sure they are set up for success on and off the mat.
02:01Some of them hadn't even lived in a school environment before.
02:05Peaches!
02:05I must say I'm impressed.
02:07This is looking like a real dorm room.
02:08You even got a little shower caddy.
02:11Who is Phil?
02:14Peaches.
02:15Don't you think you might wonder where his medicated shampoo and conditioner duo is?
02:19Mm-hmm.
02:21You need to think about taking things.
02:23Rachel, Joey Kaye, oh no, Andy, Julie, faculty.
02:30I was here when I got here.
02:31Peaches.
02:32This place is like the mall.
02:34You can just take whatever you want.
02:35Yeah, that's next.
02:40Is anything in here yours?
02:41Yeah.
02:44This is how I got Phil's shampoo.
02:50Okay, hand them over.
02:51Some of them need help juggling things.
02:54Okay, do you have everything you need for your pet detection class?
02:58Ooh.
02:59Check.
02:59Okay.
03:00Oh, wait.
03:04Okay.
03:05All right, what about American history?
03:08Just give me one moment.
03:13Sorry.
03:15Voila, mademoiselle.
03:19Are those all parking tickets?
03:21Guilty.
03:22Yeah, I keep oversleeping and then forgetting to move my car for street cleaning.
03:25Then I forget to pay them.
03:26Mm-hmm.
03:27Candy button brain.
03:28Oh, sometimes I just want to scoop that girl up in my lap and sing her spirituals.
03:33All right, honey, Mellison, you're about to have a lot on your plate.
03:36Please be paid, he does.
03:39Sally, I can't have you miss into your practice because of parking violations, all right?
03:43We already got a big old boot on Crystal.
03:45We don't also need one on your car.
03:46Yes, ma'am.
03:47All right, let's go ahead and get this paid for.
03:49Yeah.
03:51And let's pick up the required reading for class.
03:53Oh, but this is the required reading.
03:55It was written by my professor.
03:56He was one of the actors on The Moon.
04:00Jesus taking me.
04:02So now that my kids are taken care of school-wise, we can get back to focusing on cheer and our
04:07first football game on Saturday.
04:08They must be pumped.
04:09I am pumped.
04:10I can feel the excitement coming through the door.
04:12Oh.
04:12Oh, brother.
04:19On a cheer team, the girls always sync up their periods.
04:22And it's actually, it's a good thing.
04:23It's the way women bond.
04:25I said, stop breathing.
04:27And I still hear breathing back there.
04:29If I had my knuckles, I'd you up.
04:31It started way back in biblical times, before there was book club.
04:35And without fail, the boys on the team act like they have never seen a woman on her period
04:40before.
04:43Limit line for you.
04:44Blue rags for you.
04:47Here you go.
04:48I have water.
04:53Where did you get this?
04:54I keep a box in my locker for you ladies when it's that time of the month.
04:59I grew up with four older sisters.
05:01Now, the girls on the team usually sync up with the coach.
05:04It's like a hierarchical thing, like how baby dolphins will match their breathing speed to
05:09their mothers.
05:11Boone and I watched a lot of nature documentaries when he was relearning his animals.
05:15But this year, I guess I'm going to be syncing up with them.
05:18That's a strong bunch.
05:20I just always get a telltale pimple right here, right before.
05:24I'm probably going to get it tonight.
05:26I never miss it, no matter how inconvenient.
05:29I had a period pimple at prom.
05:31A period pimple on chair portrait day.
05:33I even had this period pimple on our wedding day.
05:35You know what?
05:37Let's draw her on the board.
05:38Let's track her.
05:40There she is.
05:42Actually, I'm going to make her bigger.
05:44Because, ooh, she big.
05:46I'll give her some horns.
05:47Ooh, she angry.
05:50And a tail.
05:51Because she's from the underworld.
05:54Boom.
05:56Ooh, plumber's here.
05:57Oh, thank you.
05:59Look what came.
06:01It's my new HDTV with Blu-ray player.
06:03Ain't she pretty?
06:04Yeah.
06:04And it's a write-off because it's for football.
06:07But I think we can watch other stuff on it, too.
06:10How was your day?
06:11It was fine, but I wanted to ask you.
06:13Listen, I wanted to ask you if you remember.
06:17Can you guys just give us a privacy just for a second?
06:21What's going on?
06:22Um, do you remember when's the last time that we had sex?
06:25But, like, full air.
06:26It was your birthday, 9.54 p.m.
06:27It was unseasonably warm.
06:29Humidity about 71%.
06:30Wind was coming out of the east at 18 knots.
06:32Okay.
06:33At least I think.
06:34I'm pretty sure they have it on tape.
06:36Don't let the door kiss you, because I'm going to go kiss her.
06:38Well, my pimple is officially late, and I can't be pregnant at Daytona.
06:50Lord, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
06:52It's not that I don't want a baby.
06:54I do.
06:55I just...
06:57And you may not believe me, because I'm a little long in the tooth,
07:00and I live in Texas, and women my age are on their great-grandbabies by now,
07:03but just something about me is if I'm going to do something,
07:06I'm not going to do it halfway.
07:08So I refuse to have half a baby when I'm at my new school,
07:11focus on my new team.
07:12Lord, deliver unto me a giant said amen.
07:15Woo!
07:16I'm getting excited for this big game on Saturday.
07:18Madonna!
07:18Oh, you're right there.
07:19What's our fight song?
07:20Mine is anything by Glorilla.
07:22I'm not talking about a real fight, Peaches.
07:24I'm talking about, like, a fight song for a football game.
07:26Uh, we don't have one.
07:27What do you do when somebody scores a touchdown?
07:29I think I'm usually asleep by then.
07:31Okay.
07:32I am getting a little headache, which always precedes my pimple.
07:35But it also proceeds any time I spend with the team,
07:38so I don't really know what's going on.
07:41Apologies for me, lady.
07:44Funny story.
07:45There was a potent orange leak at the button factory.
07:49Yeah, I did not have my glove, so it did get on my skin,
07:52which is no bueno.
07:54Kind of hurts, actually.
07:55Anyways, lock myself out of my car,
07:57which is where my shower stuff is,
07:58so I showered here.
07:59It's okay to be near me now,
08:00unless you're on antibiotics.
08:03That would be terrible.
08:06Okay, go warm up, Sally.
08:07And don't touch anybody.
08:10Of course.
08:11Totally.
08:12Sir.
08:13Marcus.
08:14Day two?
08:15I'm out.
08:16I'll be right back.
08:17Don't sneeze.
08:18Don't sneeze.
08:19Don't sneeze.
08:21Other way, hon.
08:22Woo!
08:23Yep.
08:24I got...
08:25Yeah.
08:26Then there now.
08:27Okay.
08:30Go along.
08:32Oh!
08:33Oh!
08:35Yo, my bad.
08:36No worries, man.
08:38Hey, what the hell are those?
08:39It's a variety of tampons
08:40based on days and levels of flow,
08:41so women don't have to worry
08:42about their periods slowing them down.
08:45Duh.
08:49Come out, come out,
08:50wherever you are.
08:51Um, let me let y'all go.
08:57It's late.
08:58Yeah, you probably want to go home
08:59and get some sleep.
09:04Boone.
09:07My pimple's late.
09:10Oh.
09:12Huh.
09:13You sure it's not brewing under there?
09:14No.
09:15Hmm.
09:16Well.
09:18I cannot be pregnant right now, Boone.
09:20That baby would be a Leo.
09:21They're so dramatic.
09:22I'm not trying to have a dramatic person
09:24living in this house.
09:26I think we should all take a breath
09:28and calm down.
09:32See, now,
09:32if you would have told me to calm down
09:34and I was on my pimple,
09:36I would have ripped your head clean off.
09:37Well, baby,
09:38I am sure you are not pregnant.
09:42I mean, I'm not totally sure.
09:43You see, after my injury,
09:45I had an unintentional vasectomy.
09:49But luckily, they were able to reverse it
09:57through a 12-hour experimental surgery.
10:00In fact,
10:01where's,
10:02here we go.
10:02They let me keep the video of the surgery.
10:06They also let me keep my testicle in a jar,
10:08but Courtney said I had to throw that out.
10:11Here, follow me.
10:12Y'all are in for a treat.
10:13Thanks to my brand spanking new HDTV,
10:17we can watch the surgery together
10:18in high definition.
10:20And there it is.
10:22Touchdown.
10:22Gosh, you can see every vein.
10:24All right, now,
10:24you see this sort of spaghetti straw right there?
10:26That's my urethra.
10:28I know you want to be in junior.
10:30And I do, too.
10:31Just not now, you know?
10:32And not that name,
10:33and not a Leo.
10:34I agree.
10:36It is not the right time.
10:38We are both far too busy.
10:40And I think there's still a lot of time
10:41on the clock left for this pimple.
10:42So why don't we order a greasy pizza?
10:46Because that's going to bring that sucker right out.
10:48Hmm?
10:49That's a good plan, coach.
10:50Yes.
10:50Okay.
10:51Mwah.
10:51Meat lovers?
10:52Yes, please.
10:53Do y'all want some, too?
10:54I know you do.
10:56Would I love a baby boom, junior?
10:57Of course I would.
10:58But I know better than get ahead of myself.
11:09All right.
11:10We got spirit.
11:11Yes, we do.
11:12We got spirit.
11:13How about you?
11:13My cramps are more than when I was punched in the stomach
11:15with a brick.
11:16Okay, honey.
11:16But you know what will make you feel better?
11:18It's when you get the spirit.
11:20Yeah, yeah.
11:21You get the spirit.
11:22Yes, you will.
11:23Sally, you know.
11:24They know.
11:25Hey, DeMarcus.
11:27Hey, hon.
11:28Is that for me?
11:29Hey, DeMarcus.
11:31Snacks.
11:32That big newton.
11:33DeMarcus.
11:35This is a pregnancy test.
11:37Oh, you didn't sync up.
11:38When one of my sisters didn't sync up,
11:39I became an uncle, so.
11:41Okay.
11:41This is highly inappropriate.
11:43You need to be focusing on cheer
11:45and finding something you want to major in, okay?
11:46Not me or my pimple,
11:48which you know nothing about.
11:49I am sorry.
11:50I'll just go ahead and take that back.
11:51Well, it's mine now.
11:52Go on, join your team.
11:53Mind your P's and Q's.
11:55Got it, Coach.
11:58Well, I might as well keep it.
12:00He already spent money on it.
12:01Plus, they are so fun to pee on.
12:03Yeah, it's like a little game.
12:04I'm going to win.
12:06I'm going to win.
12:08Emotion for you.
12:09Regular for you.
12:10Let's go, buddy!
12:12Ah!
12:13No way.
12:15Tampon guy's a cheerleader?
12:17Yo, that makes so much sense.
12:20Later, Daisy.
12:21I come from a long line of big-bladdered women.
12:29My ancestors, they had to travel over 400 miles on foot
12:32and hold their pee before stopping in Wichita Flats
12:35to use the restroom and then settle in there.
12:37So then all their descendants were born with large bladders
12:40in case it happened again.
12:41And it does come in handy.
12:43You know, like when you go to the movies
12:45and want to get you a big gulp.
12:46But times like this, it really screws me.
12:48Don't mess with the best.
12:50Let's go!
12:51B-U-T-T
12:52O-N-S
12:55Roll buttons, roll
12:57Don't mess with the best.
12:59Let's go!
12:59B-U-T-T
13:01O-N-S
13:03Roll buttons, roll
13:05Don't mess with your best.
13:08Hey!
13:08B-U-T-T
13:09O-N-S
13:12DeMarcus.
13:13Roll buttons, roll
13:14Don't mess with the best.
13:16Let's pretend you're thirsty.
13:18I can tell you feel weird in front of these football players
13:20and I just want you to know
13:20what happens to all my male cheerleaders at first.
13:23I just think you don't understand DeMarcus.
13:25Uh, I think I do.
13:27And there's no DeMarcus in self-conscious.
13:29It do sound like a little bit.
13:30Let me hear you say it one more time.
13:31DeMarcus, you are the best athlete on this whole entire field.
13:34Now go on out there and show them how it's done.
13:37Yep.
13:42Nope.
13:42DeMarcus, you're just gonna stand here
13:45and take that crap from these bozos?
13:47I think it's pronounced bozo.
13:49No.
13:49The bozos are a family of baby bitches in my town
13:51and that's what you're being.
13:52I really respect and appreciate your input.
13:55I'm not on my period anymore.
13:56Why do you give me crap?
13:57Because you're being a big old weenie!
13:59Do not call me a weenie.
14:01My four sisters and my two-year-old niece call me a weenie.
14:04I don't like it.
14:05Okay, well, if you're not being a weenie,
14:08why don't you go over there,
14:09pick up ZZ by her cute little booty,
14:11and show these guys what a real cheerleader is?
14:16Okay.
14:18I feel you.
14:23Boys.
14:24I feel you.
14:37I feel you.
14:37I feel you.
14:43Let's go!
14:43This is good coaching.
15:13Let's go, baby! Let's go!
15:15That's right, it's me, Demarcus!
15:22Go, boys! Let's go, boys!
15:26Demarcus! Demarcus! Demarcus! Demarcus! Demarcus!
15:38Actually, can you all give me a little space?
15:40This is a private, delicate lady thing.
15:43I swear to Jesus, if you don't come out of there, I'm gonna reach in and snatch you bald-headed.
15:49Excuse me.
15:51I don't know where that angry woman went.
15:54She was really on one, and I don't know what was wrong with her, but my Meemaw's my favorite person.
15:59And I just got here.
16:01What in Heaven's Gate?
16:07Sally!
16:09Why are you doing laundry on your car, hon?
16:11Yes, of course. Because it also happens to be my house.
16:15My house.
16:23Does anybody else know about this?
16:25Peaches.
16:26Yeah.
16:27But it's only because she stole it once.
16:29Okay.
16:30Yeah, no, I had no idea it was Sally's house, but that explains why there was a coffee pot and all these photos of Sally.
16:39I just thought that there was a serial killer and maybe she was next.
16:42I probably should have, I should have told her.
16:47Oh, sorry. Those go in the closet. Silly.
16:51Pardon my breach.
16:55I was so caught up with myself and missing my pimple that I missed all the signs.
16:59Are these all parking tickets?
17:01Yeah, I keep oversleeping and then forgetting to move my car for street cleaning.
17:05Mm-hmm.
17:06Anyways, um, locked myself out of my car, which is where my shower stuff is, so I showered here.
17:10Mm.
17:15They were right there.
17:17Mm.
17:18Crazy.
17:19Sally, are you cooking in your car? That is very dangerous.
17:22No, I just have to remember to keep the windows open.
17:30Some kids need more than a coach.
17:32They need a mama bear to give them direction.
17:35All right.
17:36Got your pencil sharpened?
17:37Nobody uses pencils anymore.
17:39Okay.
17:40Just so you know, there is nothing more masculine than knowing what a woman needs.
17:45Thank you, coach.
17:47Okay.
17:49Hello, students. Welcome to Women's Studies 101.
17:52Our first lesson, why women be crazy.
17:56Anyone?
17:58Ann, sometimes they need a home.
18:02Hey, how'd it go?
18:03I finally got her down.
18:04I just read the back of a box of stovetop stuffing to her. She was out like a light.
18:17What?
18:18You got your pimple.
18:19Oh.
18:20Mm-hmm.
18:21There she is.
18:22Right?
18:23Yeah.
18:24After all that worrying for nothing?
18:25What a relief.
18:26Mm.
18:27You okay?
18:28Me?
18:29Yeah, no, I'm ecstatic.
18:30I thought this is what you wanted.
18:31I don't know what I want, Boone, okay?
18:32It's like, it's complicated being a woman.
18:33Yeah, there's that pimple.
18:34She knows Sandy Bullock is a Leo. She's a Leo. And she saved all those people from exploding
18:38on that bus. And I think she was a hero. And I think that Courtney Jr. could have also been a hero.
18:46Mm-hmm. Sure she would have been. Although I don't think you can do Jr. with a girl.
18:51I can do whatever I want. Who's gonna stop me, you?
18:52No. I'm just a dumb man who says bad things at the wrong time.
18:53Baby, I'm sorry.
19:07Who's going to stop me, you?
19:09No, I'm just a dumb man who says bad things at the wrong time.
19:12Baby, I'm sorry.
19:13No, I'd like to withdraw my former statement.
19:15I don't know what's gotten into me, Boone.
19:18Get in here.
19:20I don't even know why I'm so upset.
19:22I don't even know what kind of mother I'd be anyway.
19:24I didn't even know Sally was living in her car.
19:27Excuse me, Miss Courtney Potter.
19:30You are going to be a wonderful mother.
19:33You basically already are.
19:35You are.
19:36And in the meantime, instead of the pitter-powder of little feet,
19:40we're just going to have to enjoy the pitter-powder of Sally's size 10 feet.
19:47Are you sad, man?
19:53No, because I know we'll have one when the time is right.
19:55Yeah?
19:56Yeah.
19:56Mm-hmm.
19:57Mm-hmm.
19:59Hey.
20:01Should we go check in on her?
20:04Yeah, I would like that.
20:05Yeah, me too.
20:06Me, too.
20:07Mm-hmm.
20:16Just look at her.
20:17Cute as a speckled pup.
20:20You know she likes to sleep sitting up.
20:23Yeah.
20:25Move it along, lady!
20:27I told her I would do that a couple of times at night.
20:30It makes her feel at home.
20:33It's what a good mama would do.
20:37Let's let her sleep.
20:39첫 pitter 혹시 if you will see it on me.
20:40Let's let it go.
20:40God.
20:40If we be sad, I'm sorry to see it right now.
20:41Let the two people live here.
20:41And our love and love to see it all together.
20:42Stay right.
20:45So let's get in on this slide.
20:46Let's do some else.
20:48Liz, let's go for oking.
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