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00:00I got a little holiday surprise.
00:14Remember when the AC unit broke?
00:15Yeah, Eric got heat stroke.
00:17He's still not back.
00:19Well, it turns out the contractors overcharged us,
00:21and we got a partial refund.
00:23So, yeah, we got a lot of money to spend.
00:26Nine millions?
00:27Five hundred big boys.
00:28Oh, we should donate it.
00:30Oh, no, no, to, like, a good cause.
00:34Excuse me, we're getting a new coffee maker.
00:37Ours is old, it smells, it burns when you touch it.
00:39I hear you, but I have something far more practical.
00:42Matching, pandenominational holiday sweaters.
00:46Behold!
00:49Sorry.
00:50C-section.
00:51My cat's not mine.
00:53Behold!
00:54Yes!
00:54We can all wear these for our first annual East Hollywood DMV holiday card.
01:02Can we go back to the belly scar?
01:09How cool were those sweaters, huh?
01:12In, like, a retro, kitschy way.
01:15We all hated them.
01:16Yeah, oh, me too.
01:18What a disaster.
01:19So I talked to everyone, and we all agreed we want this exact coffee maker.
01:24Oh, nice.
01:26Yummy.
01:27How are you gonna get Barb to change her mind?
01:29Eek.
01:29I'm gonna bully her.
01:30...into realizing that the sweaters were a bad idea,
01:32and then tell her that no one will like her again unless she buys us the coffee maker.
01:35Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you catch more bees with honey?
01:39Mm, you are wrong.
01:40It's you catch more flies with honey.
01:42Why would bees want their own product?
01:43That'd be like you going home and taking driver tests,
01:45or me taking a bunch of photos of myself.
01:47Mm, that's kind of what you do, though.
01:50I just think if you want a coffee maker, you're going about it the wrong way.
01:54No, I'm not.
01:55I'm gonna talk to Barb.
01:57Yeah, I'm gonna win her over with kindness and persuasion.
01:59I hate to undermine your confidence,
02:02especially when you're dressed like a fourth grader ready for their class picture,
02:05but I have zero faith in you.
02:07Thanks, Mom.
02:08Do not call me Mom.
02:10Stop acting like her.
02:11Ugh.
02:12Vic, I can't believe this.
02:15The DMV denied my request for a new chair.
02:17Oh, yay, we're still on this.
02:19I provided dates, documentation, pictures,
02:22and they said they still can't help me.
02:24It's like they're treating us like customers now.
02:26Bro, chill.
02:28It's Monday morning.
02:29It's splash fountain time.
02:31Oh, I'm not in the mood.
02:33You're not in the mood to watch a broken water fountain
02:35spray people in the face with water?
02:37It's literally awesome.
02:42Just call Employee Services.
02:44It's a waste of time.
02:45What do you got to lose?
02:46My mind, my dignity, my soul.
02:50So nothing.
02:55Hi, this is DMV Employee Services.
02:57How can I help you?
02:59You're welcome.
03:00I'll tell you how you can help me.
03:01You can start by telling me how in the hell
03:03the DMV could deny my request for a new chair.
03:05I'm so sorry.
03:07It sounds like this has been a frustrating experience.
03:09Yeah, you're damn straight it has been.
03:11My name is Kevin,
03:13and I'm going to do everything in my power to help.
03:15Can I get your name?
03:17Yeah.
03:18Yeah, you can.
03:19Kevin, it's Greg.
03:24Mosley.
03:29Hello.
03:30Welcome.
03:31Oh, wow.
03:32Mounted fish.
03:34I did not realize you're in a taxidermy.
03:37My second cousin was, too.
03:38We thought it was good fun
03:39until we found out he had a basement family.
03:42That is crazy.
03:43We used to call them sellers.
03:45Right.
03:45Anywho, what can I do you for?
03:48Nothing.
03:49Just came to say hi and hang.
03:51A little hang time, a little kickback, a little barb time.
03:55I know that you usually eat lunch by yourself,
03:58but I wondered if you wanted to grab a little taco.
04:04You want to grab lunch with me?
04:06Yeah.
04:07Barb and Colette.
04:09Yeah.
04:09I see what you're doing.
04:12Oh, yeah?
04:13You want a gal, pal?
04:15Yeah.
04:16Exactly.
04:17You caught me.
04:19I just, I think that you are dope.
04:23And I wanted to know where you get your cool vests.
04:28Gap Kids.
04:29Funky boy section.
04:31I'll take a shop at some time.
04:34Sounds good.
04:35Just, uh, shoot me a text.
04:37You want a text outside of work?
04:39Heck yeah, I do.
04:40Change me in your phone from call out work to call out bestie.
04:43Or, or, call out bestie.
04:45Oh!
04:47You're good.
04:48You best believe it.
04:50Come on.
04:51What can't she do?
04:53Yeah.
05:00What's that?
05:01Oh.
05:04Um, why are you touching my pee-pee?
05:07I'm sorry.
05:08I'm, I'm, I'm pretty sure this is my protein powder.
05:10Think again, bud.
05:12This is whey-based bioavailable and loaded with collagen peptides.
05:15You seem like more of a muscle milk kind of guy to me.
05:18Really?
05:18Muscle milk?
05:19Maybe when I was in eighth grade.
05:20No, this is my powder.
05:22I only use a complex blend of whey pee and brown rice protein for the branch chain amino acids.
05:28Oh my god, you are a bro.
05:30I mean, I'm not, not a bro.
05:33But how?
05:34You know the news and care about people's feelings.
05:37Um, I'm a human being.
05:39Yeah.
05:39Yeah.
05:40Hey, did you want to train later?
05:42Yeah.
05:43I'd love to.
05:43I got some kettlebells in my van.
05:45Eh, kettlebells.
05:46What is this, 2013?
05:48I'm going to go on a ten mile hike with my neighbor's kid in my backpack.
05:51He's a real chunker.
05:52Okay.
05:53All right.
05:54I'm going to go.
05:55I'll go first.
05:56Okay.
05:56Okay.
05:57It's okay.
05:58Yeah.
05:59LA 4, Tampa 8, you're up next.
06:02Little Shaq, you're on deck.
06:04Can you put a little...
06:05Barb and I are text buddies now.
06:08How you like dim apples?
06:10What apples?
06:10You don't have any apples.
06:12It's just an expression.
06:14Wait, you told Barb she could text you outside of work?
06:17Yep.
06:18Friendship initiated.
06:19Phase one of Operation Coffee Maker is complete.
06:23What's wrong?
06:24Oh, you're making that face you made when I came back from Jamaica with cornrows.
06:28No, no, nothing, no.
06:30I'm sure Barb has very clear boundaries around all of this.
06:34No, it's Barb.
06:36Oh, it's a cat meme.
06:37It's another cat meme.
06:39It's another one.
06:40Wow, she really likes cats.
06:43And a picture of me looking at cat meme.
06:46No, no, no, no.
06:46That one was me.
06:47I just wanted to capture this moment where you enter a world that you will never return from.
06:52Knock, knock.
07:03Good morning.
07:05You look rough, Coco.
07:06Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last night because we were texting all night.
07:10You're telling me we were...
07:12Yeah, thank God there is this magic elixir that makes the sleepies go away.
07:18Would you like to grab a cup of joe with me?
07:22Problem is, the coffee maker in the break room.
07:24Ah, let me stop you right there.
07:26Oh.
07:26I know exactly what you need.
07:29You're going to stick your mug in here.
07:31It is the best pick-me-up in the city.
07:33It's going to take you from tired to wire.
07:35Okay.
07:38Wow.
07:41I love it.
07:42Yeah.
07:44I can see why people would hate it.
07:48I love it.
07:49Hey, buddy.
07:53You ready to ride Splash Fountain?
07:55Um, hold on.
07:57Uh, can you keep it down?
07:58Kevin is escalating my complaint.
08:01Uh, no.
08:02No problem, Kev.
08:03Just a co-worker.
08:05Co-worker?
08:07What?
08:09Uh, Noah, hey there, pal.
08:11Ready for our previously agreed-upon hang sesh?
08:14Last time I saw you, you made fun of my kettlebells.
08:16I was razzing you.
08:17That's what bros do.
08:19Razz me back.
08:20Uh, uh, you're kind of a hyper-man child.
08:23Okay, okay.
08:24We're still kind of getting the hang of it.
08:26But you and I got a date with a broken water fountain.
08:29Okay, Kev.
08:30I'm entering my chair's skew number.
08:32Well, hey.
08:33Hope you don't pull a Tuesday donkey.
08:35You went there.
08:38Insight jokes.
08:40Those were the kind of jokes we had.
08:41Come on, Noah.
08:44Let's go.
08:45Oh, oh, you're an angry little man who makes people uncomfortable.
08:48What?
08:49Sorry.
08:50I'm finding it.
08:51I'll find it.
08:52Okay.
08:52Let's go.
08:53Okay.
09:03Pretty cool, right?
09:04Yeah.
09:05Sorry.
09:07My mouth is so dry.
09:10Barb, I need to talk to you about...
09:11something.
09:12I have a Zoom meeting with the consultants right now.
09:15Huh?
09:16But we can talk later.
09:16Oh.
09:17I planned us a little girl's night.
09:20A girl's night?
09:21With me?
09:22Am I the girl?
09:23That's right.
09:24Oh.
09:25And being friends with the boss has its perks.
09:27We can sneak out a little early.
09:29Yes.
09:31Oh!
09:32Wait.
09:34How are you setting this?
09:35You don't have anything in your hands.
09:37Are you scheduling these?
09:38Oh.
09:40Ha-ha.
09:42All right.
09:43So how does splash fountain work?
09:44Oh, it is the best.
09:46Yeah?
09:47You see that fountain right there?
09:48Mm-hmm.
09:48It has the most inconsistent water pressure in the build.
09:52Isn't that bad?
09:53For them, it's a total mystery box.
09:56Too many people are flushing the toilets.
09:58The fountain pressure gets so low, they can't get a drop.
10:00But when the water flow kicks back in,
10:02and the mother goes crazy.
10:06Ah.
10:07Wait, wait.
10:08I don't get it.
10:09How do you win this game?
10:11Win?
10:11I don't know, man.
10:12How do you win at surfing?
10:13You register for a competition,
10:15and they take your best wave out of five heats.
10:16Oh, I'm so sad I asked.
10:19Oh, wait.
10:19Shh, shh.
10:21Yes, win the game.
10:22Oh, yes.
10:22That's when it goes up both sides of their nose.
10:25Okay, so you're old.
10:26So you're happy because she's sad.
10:28Is that it?
10:29Well, this particular person is sad.
10:32Yes, but I'd be just as happy if she were angry, too.
10:35Oh.
10:38I'm sorry, mate.
10:39I'm struggling to find joy in this.
10:41Yeah, me too, Noah.
10:43Me too.
10:43Okay.
10:50Wait, where is your car?
10:53Oh, parking there's crazy.
10:54So I call this our very own Sobo self-driving car.
10:58Oh, yeah, like a Waymo.
11:00Better, I can't afford a Sobo.
11:03Oh, I don't know.
11:04An automated vehicle I don't really do driverless.
11:07Well, I am banned from Uber and Lyft.
11:10Oh.
11:10They should really tell you up front
11:11you're not allowed to change in the back seat.
11:13Hmm.
11:14Sobo, unlock doors.
11:17That's kind of cool.
11:18Oh, what is all that?
11:24If you thought the last two days were fun,
11:26tonight's about to be downright epic.
11:29Sobo, go!
11:34Lay for Tiki Bar?
11:36Yeah.
11:37Babe rib for the smokehouse?
11:39What is that?
11:40Lyrics for karaoke.
11:41These are in Korean.
11:44That means that's right.
11:46Don't worry.
11:47You'll pick it up.
11:48I'll pick up Korean?
11:50No.
11:51It's werewolf night at the cave.
11:52Let's hear your howl.
11:54Don't have one.
11:55Come on.
11:56Let me hear it.
11:57Howl?
11:59Wahoo!
12:00Come on, like this.
12:00Uh-huh.
12:01Oh-roo!
12:03Oh-roo!
12:05Oh-roo!
12:06Oh-roo!
12:08Oh-roo!
12:09Oh-roo!
12:10Oh-roo!
12:11Oh-roo!
12:11Barb, you have to spend the money on a coffee maker.
12:14The money?
12:15Yeah.
12:16From yesterday?
12:16Yeah.
12:17Girl, I already bought the sweaters.
12:21Then the texting, the blowing,
12:23the fantasy curling league you made me join,
12:26I've been doing all of this for nothing?
12:28I didn't mean that.
12:34Hey, how-how's this?
12:35How's this?
12:36Oh!
12:37Oh, oh, oh!
12:39Yeah, it's perfect.
12:41But it doesn't matter now.
12:43Sobo, stop!
12:44No, no, no, no.
12:45Come on.
12:46Sobo, keep going.
12:47Sobo, stop!
12:48No, Sobo, go!
12:50No, Sobo, stop!
12:52Sobo, go!
12:53Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
12:54Oh!
12:57That's not good.
12:58Oh-ho!
13:01It's going again?
13:03Well, trust isn't the only thing you broke today, Colette.
13:09Yep, we're going in a circle.
13:11I think this is lap 76 or so, but we should be okay.
13:22It's only 18 hours until the car runs out of juice.
13:27Well, I-I texted Vic and Greg, so I don't know.
13:32Again, Barb, I am really, really sorry.
13:35Oh, well, yeah, I mean, I tried to help someone in need, and this is the thanks I get.
13:44Somebody in need?
13:45Wait, who's...
13:49Oh, well, this is awkward.
13:52Well, I mean, you came into my office clearly desperate for friendship.
13:58I'm not desperate for friendship, Barb.
14:00You texted me all night long.
14:03You wouldn't stop replying.
14:05I was like, this has to be the last meme this chick sends me, but you kept begging for more.
14:11So, wait.
14:12You thought you were doing me a favor.
14:16Look, I know what it's like.
14:18My older sister is also a...
14:20Collette.
14:21It's no secret you've been in a bit of a happiness dry spell.
14:25Getting stuck in the bathroom window, breaking into a co-worker's van, lying about your career.
14:32Well, okay.
14:33It's not like your life is exactly...
14:36I just got a promotion at my dream job.
14:38I have so many friends, I have to eat lunch alone in my office to get a moment of peace.
14:44So, yeah.
14:46I'm doing just fine.
14:48Yeah.
14:50All that does sound nice.
14:52Yeah, minus the car sickness.
14:53Oh, my God.
15:03Creeper?
15:04Why are you just sitting in the dark?
15:06Because everything sucks.
15:08Where's that old man you're friends with?
15:10Then why isn't he dealing with this?
15:11You mean the old man I used to be friends with?
15:14So, lights back off her.
15:17He's busy with his new friend, Kevin.
15:19This feels like it's going to be very boring, but I'll give you until I'm done with my yogurt.
15:27So, Greg called the DMV helpline about his chair.
15:30And now he and the employee services guy are like best friends.
15:34Oh, my God.
15:35You know, I really do find so much joy when people are as dumb as they look.
15:39The DMV helpline is AI.
15:42No, it's not.
15:42I heard him.
15:43It's a real person.
15:44No, it's not.
15:46Mira.
15:49Mira.
15:51Hi, this is DMV employee services.
15:53That's him.
15:53How can I help you?
15:54Yes, hello, Kevin.
15:55I do need your help.
15:56My co-worker thinks you're real and won't stop sharing his feelings about it with me.
16:00It's gross.
16:01I'm so sorry.
16:03It sounds like this has been a frustrating experience.
16:05That's exactly what you said to Greg.
16:10Oh.
16:12He sounds so real.
16:13Yeah, Vic, hello.
16:15AI is literally designed to sound exactly like us and, like, be positive about everything.
16:19But Greg, like, reads books.
16:22He's way too smart to fall for that.
16:25It wasn't easy being one of the only black students at my public school in Thousand Oaks,
16:29you know?
16:30I do.
16:31I've been there, man.
16:32You have?
16:33My man.
16:35My man.
16:37So the friendship, the inside jokes, it was all...
16:40Totally fake.
16:41And it looks like we've come to the end of our yogurt.
16:45Oh, man.
16:47Greg's gonna be devastated.
16:51Greg's gonna be devastated.
16:53Uh, good news is, a crowd seemed to have formed.
16:59Uh, bad news is, they seem to only be filming it.
17:05Help!
17:05We're stuck!
17:06Throw something in front of the vehicle!
17:08And we'll stop it immediately!
17:11Al Fox!
17:14Okay, Kev.
17:15Who was the ace in the Dodgers' rotation in 83?
17:19Bob Welch with a season war of 4.6 and a mid-career low ERA of 2.65.
17:25God, you are like a machine.
17:27Oh, Greggy, I've got some news.
17:30Um, okay, Kev, I gotta go.
17:32Thanks for all your help with the chair.
17:34You have seriously restored my faith in humanity.
17:38Bye.
17:40He did?
17:41I know, it's weird.
17:43I've never met him, but I feel like he gets me.
17:46So, you and Kevin really clicked, huh?
17:50Yeah, you know, it's weird.
17:51When you get older, it's sort of hard to make new friends.
17:54God, the last new friend I made was probably you.
18:02Oh, so what's your news?
18:04Uh, oh, uh, the news is Colette texted me.
18:08Uh, apparently her and Barb are stuck in a driverless car
18:11circling the parking lot.
18:13Want to go heckle them?
18:14Hell yeah.
18:16When will people learn tech is not our friend?
18:24Well, Vic just posted it.
18:31But one thing I don't get is,
18:32if you're after a coffee maker,
18:34why pretend to be friends?
18:35At lunch, you were begging for half of my $28 eel.
18:39Is that cheap or expensive for eel?
18:42It's fair.
18:45But why do all that stuff?
18:46Because I was trying to spare your feelings.
18:49The other option was Ceci bullying you,
18:52and that just didn't seem right.
18:56You know, Colette?
18:57Yeah.
18:58You are a hot mess.
19:00But you're a hot mess with a real big heart.
19:05Thanks, Barb.
19:07But you know, there was a third option.
19:09Oh?
19:10You could have just asked me.
19:11We're a coffee maker.
19:13Okay, here goes.
19:14Barb, can we please have a new coffee maker?
19:19Uh...
19:20Please?
19:21No.
19:22I wanted the sweaters, so I got the sweaters.
19:25So I have to try.
19:26Oh, my God.
19:26Ceci is going to rip you out of this car when she finds out.
19:36Barb already bought the sweaters!
19:38It worked!
19:47I was direct, and it worked!
19:54Okay, no coffee maker, but we learned a lot in there.
19:58I hate you both.
20:00Oh.
20:01Fair.
20:02Well, thanks, Barb.
20:05For what it's worth, we are friends.
20:07Just...
20:08Yeah.
20:08Maybe not the type who texts.
20:11I already blocked your number.
20:13Oh.
20:14See you tomorrow.
20:16Oh.
20:16Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:18Enjoy.
20:22They're itchy.
20:23They have mercury.
20:25They're noisy.
20:26The tag says made by children.
20:28I think they're bragging about it.
20:30Mine says not to wear if you're pregnant or breastfeeding.
20:32Oh, this could not be going any better!
20:35Just take the picture, and I'll buy everybody a coffee.
20:38Everyone say, marry everything!
20:41There is a hole in the desert for anyone who posts this.
20:43You know what?
20:44Be in front of me.
20:45I can't risk this getting on my socials.
20:47Three, two, one!
20:50Oh!
20:50Ah!
21:07I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:08I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:09I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:10I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:11I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:12I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:13I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:14I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:15I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:16I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:17I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:18I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:19I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:20I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:21I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:22I can't risk this getting on my socials.
21:23I can't risk this getting on my socials.
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