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00:00To another family member without me present.
00:02This reaction is irrational.
00:03Get out of my office.
00:05Now!
00:06She wanted more time.
00:07You gave her that.
00:08You extended her life.
00:09It felt like I extended her death.
00:11Michelle, we were so good together. What happened?
00:14We didn't communicate.
00:15Are you guys back together?
00:16Yeah, we are.
00:17Here.
00:1930-year-old schizoaffective male complained of daily chest pains.
00:22What's going on?
00:23It's a sign of liver failure.
00:24Whether right or wrong, you simply cannot get a transplant if you're entirely alone.
00:27Sam, there's some people here to see you.
00:30I'm at Hudson Oaks.
00:31They won't let me leave.
00:32No!
00:33I won't be fighting back anymore.
00:36Isn't that right, Oliver?
00:40Your escape act tonight reminded me of that little stunt you pulled at the hospital gala.
00:45You remember that?
00:46By the time I thought, this guy's a force.
00:49But in a good way.
00:50Now, the staff member you assaulted needs stitches.
00:53You're holding me against my will.
00:55I want to leave.
00:57We have been over this, Oliver.
01:00I am worried that you have not made any progress since you came to us.
01:06Voluntarily, I might add.
01:08You're paranoid.
01:09You're defensive.
01:10You won't let us help you.
01:12It's high time we be honest about why you're here.
01:15Either we talk about him or we keep doing the same song and dance.
01:18Elongates?
01:33Elongates?
01:34Elongates?
01:35Elongates?
01:38Elongates?
01:55It doesn't matter.
01:56I've never had an attendant yell at me like that Terry it was disturbing like unprofessional
02:19borderline psychotic I mean Dr. Wolf is completely out of line yeah that's fair but we've spent an
02:25inordinate amount of time in our sessions talking about your boss yeah you got to remember that
02:30holding on to anger it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die yeah well
02:35you work together right yeah you gotta learn how to coexist I think he's misjudged you my advice
02:41try to show him who you really are that I can do
02:55isn't this a little premature we still have leftovers from Thanksgiving I don't care
03:00this is my favorite time of year tree lighting at Rockefeller Center all the window displays on
03:06Fifth Avenue our hospital holiday gala just Christmas brings back a lot of sweet memories
03:12oh like my little Ollie coming back from school with the most peculiar homemade ornament it's not
03:21peculiar it's tungsten I had to corrode the metal with ferric chloride to etch the chemical symbol on
03:27it quite the feat for a third grader so I know how you hate the pomp and circumstance of hospital
03:35galas so you have my permission to skip tonight it's a little early Christmas gift for me what's
03:42the catch no catch honey I know that I'm not going to be the one that you turn to for help
03:46god knows I never turned to my mother when I was in any kind of crisis but I want you to understand
03:52that it's okay stop I can handle the gala if it means you'll stop using these impromptu visits to
03:58psychoanalyze me don't make me change the locks
04:01that mega watch my Arkansas the energy crisis what's got just so happy that sweet taste of
04:12freedom after months of mediation over custody and assets and alimony my divorce is signed sealed and
04:19delivered that's my girl looks like we both got reason to celebrate I got my kids for Christmas
04:23starting to see a day where Amy and I can am a complete co-parent well amen to that how about
04:29we toast our wins tonight at the gathering I never say no to an open bar that's my cue see you tonight
04:33hey all right
04:34fresh office tour of duty in the ED welcome back to neuro never leave us again I won't how can I help
04:49you got a spare liver you can start by calling every hospital in a 500 mile radius no one cares
04:56that Sam has his family to support him every transplant program thinks he's too big of a risk
05:00because of his schizophrenia so we're casting a wider net I found a couple shelters he stayed at
05:05they're gonna send me character references we can see if they strengthen his case
05:09it's amazing thank you fuck it down already I'm trying look I don't have time for this it's opening
05:16night and I need to get back to rehearsal I refuse to let that bitch Nina take my place I already hate
05:21her I'm Dr. Wolf I'm here for your neuro consult and your name is the sugarplum fairy I'm sorry I'm a
05:29huge fan of the city ballet my mom took me to the nutcracker every year growing up glad to hear
05:33can we skip the formalities and get me the hell out of here please uh yes okay so Juliet your file
05:42says that you had a long ICU stay here for sepsis and respiratory failure due to bad pneumonia but
05:49you left early against your doctor's advice that was nearly three months ago and totally unrelated hi
05:54I'm Dr. Porter looks like we were both paged for a consult yeah I have it handled you can go if two
06:00doctors speeds us up by all means stay we heard that you fell and hit your head how are you feeling
06:05now please I never fall my partner dropped me during the grandpa on purpose he's dumb as rocks and
06:13sleeping with my understudy they've had it out for me since day one Zora my artistic director thinks
06:18that I'm being paranoid Zora Flynn if she's an institution yep she'll be there till she dies
06:23and then they'll probably dip her body in formaldehyde and prop her in a chair forever don't give Dr.
06:29any ideas okay just try to relax deep breaths deep breaths my eyes are burning why are my eyes
06:40burning I feel like I'm frozen why is it so cold in here something's happening where am I Juliet you're
06:49you're in the hospital no no I have to get back okay all right we need a CT scan now Juliet is in imaging
06:58now when we were examining her she became altered confused disoriented we're testing to make sure
07:04that the fall didn't cause a brain bleed or any other serious problems her timing could not be worse
07:09she said her partner dropped her on purpose of course she did Juliet loves to play the victim
07:15no she panicked lost position knocked McHale down in the process this was her fault you don't have a
07:21very forgiving teaching style do you plat meat kennel ballet is an unforgiving world Juliet has
07:27incredible promise but I admit I've been worried about her lately she used to be fearless not anymore
07:34to be frank she hasn't been the same since she left your hospital well to be honest it's remarkable
07:39that she's back to dancing at all she was septic intubated we would have kept her longer had she
07:44agreed to stay but you signed her discharge paperwork oh she was improving she needed the time to rehearse
07:50well I wish she'd taken the time to show up for a follow-up appointment she could be at risk for a host
07:55of complications just from her degree of deconditioning alone I have been at this a long time and what
08:01we're dealing with is a textbook case of stage fright fortunately that's why we have understudies
08:12yeah thank you so much I'm on my way the shelter in Mott Haven has intel on Sam they need my
08:18credentials so I have to head down there in person the hospital gala's tonight I finagled dr. wolf's plus
08:24one assuming we'd have reason to celebrate um you think your mom could babysit oh I don't know it's
08:31kind of last minute yeah no it's cool yeah no I totally get it um another time okay have you ever
08:38seen Marcus in a tux I mean I got your back me so you know I'll fight those ladies off for you but
08:44just in case I'm outnumbered you should probably come I'll see what I can do
08:54bro you've got like zero game z-ro
09:05dr. Parrish you have got to take me shopping you are the best dressed doctor in the outer boroughs
09:10thank you Amelia so what do I owe this honor just making some last minute adjustments for tonight
09:16Hudson Oaks is sponsoring the gala yes dr. Landon told me that she is a real hoot and that hairstyle
09:23oh Tracy I just want Bronx general to know that Hudson Oaks is here for you we want to be your go-to
09:30resource any time a patient might need long-term care that is very generous but we make all of
09:35our decisions on a case-by-case basis of course you know best excuse me gorgeous bouquet what is the
09:43occasion they are from wolf I am officially divorced today hallelujah I finalized mine three years ago
09:55never looked back are you on the apps yet oh well I don't think I'm ready for all that no no no no no
10:01I can guide you through all the pitfalls for starters the camera adds three inches oh oh hi dr.
10:08love it's a pleasure to see you sorry uh face blinded in a rush I have a ballerina who's a bit of a
10:14tough nut to crack she could use some of that carol magic are you free yes juliet what happened right
10:23before you collapsed you look like you went somewhere else happens a lot when I'm dancing
10:30I'll be in the middle of rehearsing and suddenly it's like I'm transported somewhere else
10:38sometimes it's like I'm freezing trembling cold in my bones like my body is made of ice
10:51other times it feels like I'm choking I can't breathe I can't scream but it's not even the worst of it
10:59I try to get away and then I feel sharp pain like I'm being stabbed in the back repeatedly
11:13and then it's over
11:19until it happens again
11:23can you help me
11:29some highlights from juliette's icu stay she was intubated which would explain the choking ice
11:36packs were used to bring down a fever hence freezing on stage and she had a lumbar puncture which she's
11:41reliving as being stabbed in the back where is this going our patient is experiencing icu ptsd
11:46from her three week stay in the hospital she's having flashbacks and not to events that actually
11:52happened but to the hallucination she had while she was sedated but delirious her mind is trying to
11:57make sense of everything that happened to her exposure therapy might be our best shot to get
12:01her through but she needs to work her way up to that with all due respect what if this has nothing
12:06to do with the icu she's a dancer i know the type dated a few it's an unrelenting lifestyle the diet
12:12the hours on their feet not to mention certain stimulants you're a second year resident speaking
12:17to the head of psychiatry about a psych issue i'm just voicing an alternative theory which is what
12:21we do rather you keep your alternative theories to yourself or what you're gonna scream at me again
12:26by all means i would love to have a witness this time i made a mistake with the torres family why
12:31can't you let this go because your mistake almost cost my patient his life enough
12:38and you've never made a mistake that cost a patient their life
12:40things aren't working out with my resident i want charlie porter off my team out of the hospital would
12:56be ideal slow down did he do anything specific to warrant this yes he's arrogant he disagrees with
13:01me at every turn he undermines me he believes that practicing medicine his way is the only way
13:06you're right who could work with someone like that dr porter tried to transfer jorge torres to hospice
13:11without consulting me but he didn't and i'm guessing you set him straight which is your job
13:15look having a differing opinion isn't enough to fire someone wolf if you think he's a bad doctor
13:19it's your job to make him a better one normally i'd agree with you but josh i'm telling you
13:23porter is a lost cause
13:29nervous getting the bestie marcus things are going great between me and michelle but i can tell she's
13:34getting cold feet you know i was the one who broke her heart i wasn't committed i wasn't ready you know
13:41i was afraid to be a dad but i'm not gonna screw it up again i want to ask her to move in with me
13:48damn grand gesture i like it i just want us to have a fresh start you know
13:59okay why do i feel like you're getting cold feet now what's up
14:07damn air touch
14:08when i went home to dallas for thanksgiving i reconnected with one of my uh old team doctors
14:20we got to talking and he offered me a spot in his residency program
14:24oh in texas they have a top tier sports clinic
14:28and i still be doing neuro just in the sports context
14:32i never imagined moving home anytime soon but this is like my dream job
14:38so why do i sense like you don't want to do it and what's keeping you here ah it's me huh
14:54you mentioned being intubated was a scary experience
14:59let's start there i want you to follow the light with your eyes and tell me all about it
15:07before i fell unconscious i
15:11i couldn't catch my breath when they intubated me i panicked they had to hold me down it was awful
15:18okay let's stay right there keep following the light and tell me what comes up
15:23i couldn't relax my body i could hear zora's voice in my head
15:31you're a stiff support
15:32hmm then how did that make you feel like a failure i felt weak for being so scared
15:41those are called negative self-beliefs
15:45but i also remember telling zora to shut up in my head
15:47oh i stood up for myself that's more positive let's go with that
15:54describe that memory for me one more time i'm in the hospital i'm sick i feel like i can't breathe
16:03that's okay i need to get healthy doctors and nurses they intubate me because they they want me to get
16:10better scary it's nice having people take care of me makes me feel
16:18worthy do you often feel unworthy it's the nature of the gig dr pierce
16:23there are literally a thousand women waiting to replace me can you try to reframe that for me
16:28i have worked my ass off to be the best at what i do thousands of women want to dance like me but i
16:38am singular damn straight
16:43we're still working on finding a hospital that will list sam
16:47sorry i don't have better news but i'm not giving up
16:49you know it's rare the kind of attention you're giving him speaking of which when was the last time
16:57you ate go get some food take care of yourself thank you
17:07how's it looking i was about to check his eyes but then settings are good only
17:20intubated for neural exam and airwork protection
17:28dana tell me what you see
17:31unilaterally enlarged and sluggish pupils his cerebral edema could be worsening no this isn't
17:42happening dr nichols can fix this and we will get him listed somewhere and everything's going to be
17:59yeah
18:03i'm not dancing tonight am i that's up to you julia we recommend that you remain in the hospital for
18:09one night face down those fears before they get worse it's what's called exposure therapy we want
18:14to replace the terrifying narrative that your mind created with a real live one this is the room where
18:20you spent three weeks with pneumonia
18:22we have a detailed record of every blood draw every iv drip every fever medication
18:31it'll give you a clear sense of what actually happened in here or if you'd like we can discharge
18:36you and you can make it in time for opening night and we'll keep our fingers crossed that you won't have
18:40another episode on stage i'm nico i was one of your nurses when you were here i assisted with your lumbar
18:46pump shirt
18:50the rat king
18:53i prefer short king but i
18:55and if you do decide to stay you and i can binge watch my favorite prima ballerinas the real housewives of salt
19:01lake city the entire season one plot is smelling like hospital don't explain that to me i don't
19:07want to know i've sacrificed a lot to be a dancer what now i'm just supposed to risk it all to spend
19:13a night in the hospital room well what if you're actually risking it all by leaving
19:17once i'm done with the procedure sam's coaxing can be tight and under control every second that
19:25the bolt is in his skull there is a risk of bleeding it is an ever-present danger we'll
19:29monitor him around the clock hey silva got word from the nurses in transplant that there is a liver
19:34on route to bronx general but the intended recipient spike to fever he and sam have the same blood type
19:38it could be a match we have to get him listed here dr kinney even if it doesn't go to the other
19:43patient it could always go straight to someone else on the list there's no guarantee but the head
19:48of the transplant committee dr walker is back in town for the holiday gala tonight i hear he has
19:52been persuaded in the past to take cases back to the committee apparently he's a bit of a sap maybe
19:56in person i could get him to see what his team missed on paper you do your part we'll do ours
20:02let's get gussied up we're going to get sam a liver
20:07dr nichols suggested i pull at this guy's heartstrings
20:11any tips if he doesn't take sam's side after hearing his story he doesn't have a heart
20:15agreed just be you kenny guys i just met with a shelter that knows sam he stayed there a bunch
20:23and apparently he showed up at their mobile blood bank every month to donate blood like clockwork they
20:28said he never missed it they had it all logged look oh my god this demonstrates commitment and
20:35organization and it shows that sam can handle post-transplant immunosuppressants michelle this is
20:41huge thank you you look great nice work so uh meet you at the gala well actually um i was thinking maybe
20:55you should just go solo liam throws a tantrum if i'm not there at bedtime you know that so it's probably
21:01just easier if i stay home and you go do your thing why do i feel like you're trying to wreck
21:08this before it even starts i thought we were all in
21:14you know i'm crazy about you van i always have been and i probably always will be i don't know if
21:20i could handle another heartbreak but i know liam can't no no no there won't be another heartbreak
21:26you're it for me i i i don't think love is about butterflies i think it's about finding someone who
21:36calms your nervous system and i want to be that person for you because you're that person for me
21:42okay i promise you okay i'm i'm not going anywhere
22:00okay i'll see you there
22:03hey it's okay the monitor is just measuring your heart rate i can turn the volume down if you'd like
22:23no it's okay i i need to experience all the triggers i can't dance to ptsd i need to get better even if
22:31if it means zora's gonna ice me out for weeks it's infuriating isn't it the way that our mentors punish us
22:38i find it motivating i had this epiphany today i don't want her approval
22:49i want her to look at me on stage one day and realize that
22:54i'm better than her
22:55she doesn't know now but she's creating a monster
23:12huts and oaks must have some deep pockets because this party is nice i'm gonna take a quick lap see if
23:19i can spot any committee members
23:28one night with him if we get you were ever married
23:32blood shoot your shot dr pierce if somebody else will
23:37i don't know
23:41makes me join you
23:44any eyes on the target not yet oh it came up empty i'm finding anyone on the transplant committee
23:50but no stakeout is complete without
23:52picking a bike two o'clock
23:55best walker okay it's now or never but do you want me to no i got this i've been practicing my speech in
24:01my head all day
24:06so i don't know if you play a little worse i can call this game a charity case write it off of my taxes
24:16dr walker can i talk to you for a second
24:19certainly excuse us general of course
24:23hi i'm dr erica kenny i'm a neurologist at bronx general i wanted to talk to you about one of our
24:29patients your committee denied listing for a transplant sam mapesbury is in our care with
24:34acute liver failure there is a liver arriving right now that we believe he is a match for
24:39sam is on death's doorstep but if you put him on that list there were a number of reasons we
24:44decided that case was a poor candidate for transplant yes but i have new relevant information
24:49that proves that he is capable of handling post-transplant care all the reasons we declined to list
24:54your patient remain true this is all too little too late i can't take this back to the committee
24:59if i could have your attention please um thank you all for coming tonight
25:24and none of this would be possible without my mother who planned this whole event even after she
25:31retired my question for everyone here tonight is who deserves care people always say doctors are the
25:43heroes that's a bit aggrandizing for my taste i know firsthand that patients are the real heroes
25:50like a young man named sam mapesbury who has been grappling with mental illness and subsequently
25:57acute liver failure he is in a hospital room at bronx general right now fighting for his life
26:07he will die without a new liver but the harsh reality is that patients with mental illness are often
26:14summarily rejected from organ transplant lists every other hospital in this city found a reason not to
26:21list mr mapesbury for a liver but at bronx general we have doctors like bernard walker the head of our
26:30transplant team who didn't hesitate for a moment to recognize this young man's potential and put him at the
26:36top of the top of the list dr walker is giving sam mapesbury that second chance at life and it's because
26:45of people like him that i am proud to work at bronx general where we believe that everyone deserves care
26:55thank you
27:06bernard what an absolute angel you are for any of you motivated to donate
27:14this is what your dollars are going towards thank you again bernard
27:28hudson oaks would like to match any donations up to a hundred thousand dollars
27:42a hundred thousand dollars
27:45what the hell did you just do uh i made you a hero and i helped you save a young man's life
27:54our donors seem to approve or i can walk on stage and say that dr wolf had it wrong
28:00but you actually don't want to list sam and that you're gonna let him die fine you win he's on the
28:07list but know this i have a very long memory
28:23gold
28:27excuse me
28:31carol is your ex-husband on the premises what no why because that is what the kids would call a
28:44revenge dress oh this whole thing well you clean up pretty well yourself dr thorne careful dr pierce my
28:55ego thrives on validation speaking of which i gotta hand it to your boy wolf with that speech he is
29:01annoying as all hell but when it works it works um i prefer audacious but yes sometimes the
29:08spontaneity does drive me to drink oh dr thorne well contrary to popular belief you may in fact be a
29:18gentleman is that my drink maybe i said just vodka oh dr pierce your dress is fire thank you justine
29:32oh i didn't realize you two were a total heat score jk no i just worked out in the ed a lot so it's only
29:40a matter of time before we caught a vibe so she's how you know what the kids are saying
29:58what an inspiring evening this has been every year we invite one of our most promising residents
30:06to share the story of why they became a doctor please help me welcome the newest member of our
30:11neurology department dr charlie porter
30:24thank you dr landon for inviting me to speak um it's um ironic that i work in a hospital because
30:33for years for years i avoided them when i was 10 years old my mother was diagnosed with a malignant
30:39brain tumor before her diagnosis i remember she was happy all the time her eyes would light up when
30:46i walked in a room she never missed a bedtime and before i'd fall asleep she'd say to me i'm so lucky
30:54lucky to be your mom
30:59but i was lucky one lord i am not gonna be able to get through this
31:05my mom was one in a million after she got sick um she missed a lot of bedtimes i remember the light
31:13in her eyes faded i remember that she suffered immensely but most of all i remember her doctor
31:20she was young smart dedicated and i looked up to him he told my dad that he'd be with us every step
31:29of the way and he was and he is the reason that i pursued medicine
31:37not because he saved my mom but because he dangled the possibility that he could
31:43he let my family cling to that belief which is why we were so completely unprepared when she died
31:53you okay
31:56when i got to medical school i realized that my mother never had any chance of surviving her prognosis
32:03i realized that her doctor sold her a fantasy because he couldn't bear to help her face the truth
32:12i believe that as doctors we are not in the business of selling fantasies i believe that we are in the
32:17business of telling the truth so all i can hope
32:25is that when i'm honest with my patients i'm making my mom proud
32:30this is a deep spray it's okay it's okay why are you taking him why are you taking him
32:46it's okay it's okay we got him listed we got him a liver it's a match he's going into surgery right now
32:55you look upset dr wolf is it because i abstaged you
33:25you didn't come work for me to learn from the best you came because what what to punish me
33:29i wanted to meet the doctor who ruined my life
33:32make sure that you would never ruin anyone else so you want to get me fired no it wouldn't be the
33:36first time charlie when i was treating your mom i was young i was learning i still am but she she
33:43didn't want to give up she refused to give up she wanted to keep fighting i cared no don't don't do
33:49your whole empathy thing you were her doctor i was her son okay i care deeply not you i know
33:56what it's like to lose a parent no you don't your father's alive he just chose not to be with you
34:04twice from what i've heard you're angry i understand that but lying to me infiltrating my department
34:12trying to get revenge is not going to bring her back if you think this is just about my mom maybe
34:18you really weren't with us every step of the way my father couldn't handle all of the suffering that
34:26you put her through so he hit the bottle hard four years after my mom died he drank himself to death
34:36i have been alone since i was 14 wolf
34:43i'm so sorry i don't forgive you not processing trauma it can break a person
34:56so let's see who breaks first
35:26i want to thank everyone for your record-setting donations tonight all of us here at bronx general
35:51are incredibly grateful and i hope that you'll indulge me in one final tradition
36:05have yourself a merry little christmas
36:16have yourself a merry little christmas
36:19let your heart be li the night
36:29well what's going on was charlie's speech about
36:32What do you want to preach about?
36:46Looking good, Dr. Nichols.
36:49You sure you're not into women?
36:52Not, uh, since basic training.
36:55Hm.
37:01This is what I miss.
37:04Who embarrassed themselves this year?
37:06Uh, I believe that might have been me.
37:10Impossible.
37:15Hey, can I ask?
37:18Have you noticed anything off about Wolf?
37:25I miss Jen Shah.
37:30She's in federal prison now.
37:40My friend's at the ballet.
37:42Nina just got a standing ovation.
37:50Good for her.
37:52Every dog deserves her day.
38:05Sam's almost out of surgery.
38:07I just checked in.
38:09Zero complications.
38:13That sounds like a reason to celebrate.
38:15You did an incredible thing getting Sam on that list.
38:30I think Wolf gets the credit for that one.
38:32But that would have never happened without you.
38:34You saved this life.
38:38You did.
38:42You're amazing.
38:43I believe it.
39:02So are you.
39:03Have yourself a merry little Christmas
39:20Make the yuletide gay
39:26From now on our troubles will be miles away
39:38Here we are as an olden days
39:49Happy golden days of yore
39:57Faithful friends Christ dear to us
40:03Gather near to us once more
40:11Through the years
40:17We all will be together
40:19You get stood up?
40:21I don't think so
40:23It's fine
40:25Probably putting too much pressure on her
40:27She'll come around when she sees you play kickball
40:31Want to get a pizza?
40:45I love pizza
40:47A merry little Christmas
40:59No
41:29Greg move your head
41:36Greg move your head
41:41Thank you
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