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- #tuesyourownadventure
Welcome to Tues Your Own Adventure! Join Jules and James as they take look at powerful video game enemies that became weak playable characters! From anti-hero to zero.
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00:00Hello all of you little demons, Jules here for WhatCulture.com, back again with another episode of the awesomely named and awfully hosted Use Your Own Adventure,
00:09the weekly medieval themed format where I, the crowned Jules of WhatCulture.com, take a list chosen by you.
00:14Yes, you the person who has to do another crunch turnaround for this week's episode, because not my fault this time, I'm actually feeling better, but James decided to go on holiday.
00:23Oh, who left his cage open and let him out, eh? I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what.
00:27But yes, you get to decide what list I dole out to you each and every week, and this week we have none other to thank than Liam O'Connell for their suggestion of video game enemies that you can recruit that seem really strong when you fight them, but are absolutely piss weak when they're playing on your side.
00:46Brilliant.
00:47Because we all know that feeling of getting our ass handed to us by a particularly difficult enemy.
00:51I mean, it can provide moments of abject frustration and despair amongst players to feel like they're just smashing their heads against a brick wall to their enjoyment,
00:59and it's often made even worse when the enemy in question manipulates the game to their bloody favour.
01:03That being said, there are some scenarios that can alleviate this frustration if the game in question allows these enemies to be unlocked as playable characters,
01:11as doling out the punishment rather than receiving it is always going to be a good laugh.
01:15Yet sometimes, like I said, when they switch side and finally joins your party, they end up absolutely sucking.
01:22So let's take a look at the people who turn from foes to friends to completely forgotten, because why the piss would you use them?
01:29As I'm Jules, this is WhatCulture.com, and these are eight powerful video game enemies that became weak, playable characters.
01:36And you know the drill by now, say hi to me here in the live chat, and put your suggestions for next week's episode down in the comments section below.
01:42And with that in mind, let's get on with things, shall we?
01:448. Carbuncle Final Fantasy V
01:48So imagine the scene, you've just fought your way through a dungeon that has possibly the scariest name known to man,
01:53the X-Death Dungeon, and you've come across its hidden boss, the mighty beast known as Carbuncle.
02:00Now imagine that before you've had even a chance to laugh at his rather weird name,
02:04that said Bunkle has now stomped your brains in thanks to its beast-like form and its love of the reflect spell.
02:11Now as we all know, magic in the FF franchise is one of the go-to options for blasting apart your foes,
02:16but now, having all of your spells bounce back truly does feel like a taste of your own medicine.
02:21Mmm, tastes like...
02:23Like feet that somebody stood in dog tears.
02:26Oh, gross.
02:27Therefore, after a hard scrap, you might be excited to use Carbuncle as a summon and dispatch foes with its raw power, right?
02:34I mean, look at this form here.
02:35Using this against my enemies is gonna tear everyone apart, right?
02:38Wait, what?
02:39Why has it changed?
02:40Why has it changed?
02:40Why have I got this blinged up little rat here now?
02:42That, my friend, is your version of Carbuncle.
02:45A summon that, while admittedly does cast a useful reflect spell on all party members, does no damage whatsoever.
02:51And with the inherent drawbacks of reflect, meaning that healing spells now bounce off and heal enemies,
02:55does make you feel like you've got the, but we've got Carbuncle at home deal.
02:59Now don't get me wrong, he is adorable.
03:01I love him truly.
03:02But at the same time...
03:04I want my giant beast form back, please.
03:06Number 7.
03:07Alpha 152.
03:09Dead or Alive 5.
03:10Now while the Dead or Alive franchise might be best known for, um, Jiglia reasons,
03:16there is actually a lot of meat in this fighting game franchise that isn't stuffed up sweaters,
03:21because this franchise actually scraps with all the ferocity of an underdog trying to claw its way
03:27out of the shadows of the likes of Tekken and Street Fighter.
03:29And of course, this means that from time to time, Dead or Alive loves to ramp up the challenge
03:34by dipping its hand into the fromage vats and pulling out an uber cheesy boss battle,
03:38which in Dead or Alive 4 and 5 came in the form of Alpha 152.
03:43Thanks to a ridiculous ability to teleport and a grab move that removes over a third of your health
03:48in one go, Alpha 152 became an utter bane for many of the fanbase.
03:53However, things got somehow even worse when it turned out that you could unlock 152 for your own
03:58personal usage and, um, well she absolutely sucked.
04:02Gone was the insane damage output and gone were her teleportation powers in Dead or Alive 5,
04:07meaning that what you had now was a lazily designed character without any of the redeeming features
04:12that fans were asking for. In fact, in tier rankings, she's often listed as being one of the worst
04:17characters in the franchise, making her fall from grace feel like a plummet off of a mountain.
04:226. Akuma Street Fighter 2
04:24Ah, now I think that we all remember that moment. That moment when our hearts leapt out of our chest
04:32in excitement, only to be forcibly smashed back through our ribcages and down through our bottom,
04:38because that was the moment that players met Akuma.
04:42You'd heard the playground rumours, you'd heard of the insane challenge ahead of you,
04:46but you'd persevered and mastered Street Fighter 2 enough to satisfy either the requirement of reaching
04:51and beating Sagat in under 1,500 seconds, or amassing a huge point score by this point,
04:57and then it finally happened. With a flash of dark energy, M. Bison, the regular final boss of
05:02the experience, is cast aside like a used tissue, and now here was Akuma, to beat the absolute snot
05:08out of you with his incredible air control, ridiculous power, and of course, that special move.
05:15Oh, it gives me chills, I don't like it.
05:17Now there's a good chance that you will have never beaten Akuma in this form, but in a way that only
05:21spurs on your desire to use him as a playable character, which you could do with a few choice
05:25inputs on the character select screen. It's a shame then that this version of Akuma is way more
05:30balanced than his CPU counterpart, and thus feels utterly underwhelming.
05:35Now it'd be wrong of me to say that Akuma is a weak fighter, because he's still pretty goddamn
05:39badass, even amidst the roster of people that you can already unlock in this game, but still,
05:44when you look at what the computer was playing with, versus what you got,
05:47oh yeah he's considerably weaker.
05:505. Terry. Dragon Quest 6. If there is ever a name to put fear into the hearts of your enemies,
05:58Terry ain't it. Seriously, it's up there with the main baddie from Psychic Force being the deadly and
06:03terrifying Keith, and he was so close to being put onto this list, I really wanted to put him on, but
06:07Terry just edged him out for being a little bit more, well, useless. Because by the time that players
06:13get to add Terry to their party in Dragon Quest 6, the only good thing about his arrival is the
06:18weapon that he carries, which makes for a rather awkward moment where you simply take the sword of
06:23Ramius off of him, and then bench him for the entirety of the game. It's a real shame as well,
06:27because when he's fulfilling the role of a secondary antagonist, Terry is a bit of a badass.
06:32Thanks to him making a pact with the true evil of the game, when you get to face him head on,
06:36it's a rather challenging boss battle, and when combined with his ability to be just one step ahead
06:41of you in several key moments of the story, it kind of makes you feel like you're the NPC to
06:45his story. Unfortunately, that chapter closes pretty bloody hard onto his testicles once you
06:51get him into the party, because while he has mastered one of the many classes in this game,
06:56by the time that you get to this point in the game, you'll have mastered many, many more,
07:00and thus, it's just like, sorry Terry, but thanks for the sword. Cheers, bro, I'll always remember you.
07:07Don't invite him again, don't invite him again.
07:09Number 4. Caldea Orchid The Bouncer
07:12Now, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for The Bouncer, although the more I think about
07:18it, it's probably a soft spot in my brain, because let's be honest, The Bouncer, it's not a great
07:24game. It's a fun game, but it ain't a great game. Still, it's over the top, and the announcer
07:28definitely sounds like he's having the time of his life reading out some of the characters' names.
07:33However, one aspect that's stuck in my craw ever since the game's release concerns Caldea Orchid,
07:44a foe-turned-unlockable friend once the cast beat the ever-loving piss out of her. Now,
07:49Miss Orchid over here has one of the most unique abilities in the game, in that instead of being a
07:54master of some form of martial arts, she can turn into a bloody panther. However, before the furries in
08:00the back yiff themselves dry, there are a few huge drawbacks to fighting as her that the AI
08:05counterpart never even hinted at. For a start, and this is a biggie, she can't f***ing block.
08:11Which, as you might expect in a fighting game, is kind of a huge drawback. Even worse is that when
08:16she's in human form, her attacks are slow and easily countered, meaning that you're basically
08:20forced to stay in the powerful but defensively bereft animal form. It's a character that's amazing
08:26on paper, and is no slouch when she's paired with Duragon C. Nakata in her boss fights,
08:31but alone, she's more of a kitten than a fierce feline.
08:343. Urqair
08:36Dawn of War Retribution
08:38Now, out of all of the avatars of the Warhammer 40k chaos gods, the Great Unclean Ones are...
08:45easily the most disgusting. A giant, bloated, rotting mass of disease, this manifestation of
08:51Nurgle's rot drags its mass across the battlefield, ushering in death and decay to any who even
08:56breathe the fetid air around it. Long story short, this big bad boy over here could definitely use
09:01more than a few cans of lynx that your nan would gift you every Christmas, because this guy,
09:06stinky. And of all of these horrible creatures, Urqair from the Dawn of War franchise is definitely
09:11one of the most powerful, proving to be a massive blister on the player's arse across the course of
09:16Dawn of War Chaos Rising, and will likely dole out a rather stinky beatdown or two to anyone
09:21standing in his way. Therefore, excitement levels were raised immeasurably when it was announced
09:26that in the subsequent expansion, Dawn of War Retribution, that it was going to let you play
09:30as this mound of rotting flesh. By freeing Urqair from his prison, this guck will show up to battle
09:36by your side. Except, instead of being an unstoppable monster, here he feels more like a common cold rather
09:41than a full on plague outbreak sporting much lower stats and next to zero abilities. I wanted to crush
09:47the Imperium with his rotting mass, but unfortunately he's just stinking up the place in a very different
09:53manner. 2. Nearly All of the Cast
09:55Dynasty Warriors Franchise
09:57Okay, so I know it might seem like a bit of a cop out to put every single officer from the Dynasty
10:02Warriors franchise into one entry on this list, but at the same time, is there any greater feeling of
10:08deflation than when you get control of one of these officers, and when you've just witnessed
10:12them kill you in two hits. They've walked around, they've tanked your damage, they can bloody well
10:17circle strafe, which trust me, in a game like this, where they have even an ounce more maneuverability
10:21than you, is a huge factor, and when you get them, it's just like, ooh, I brought two toothpicks to the
10:27fight. And when the computer's playing as them, they'll be rocking their trademark weapons, unable to
10:33tank so much damage that it's unbelievable, but when you get it, oh god, these Warriors of Legends are
10:38missing a few chapters, as now you're rocking the endurance of an ant with respiratory issues.
10:43Lubu is definitely the chief offender of these downgrades, by far though, as when he's being
10:47controlled by the computer, he's a near-unstoppable force who will flatly refuse to be stunned by you
10:53and cut you in twain with just a hard glance. Even when fully leveled up and rocking his best
10:58weapons, he still pales in comparison to how the computer controls him, because my god, just,
11:04I have nightmares of Dynasty Warriors 3. Hulao Gate. It's Lubu! God damn right it's Lubu on the red
11:13hair, chasing you down. No, I don't want any of that, my friend. Hard pass. And number one, Jet
11:20Stream Sam. Metal Gear Rising Revengeance. He's always on the move. Jet Stream Sam. He's put me in a mood.
11:27Jet Stream Sam. He's the person you call when you want to feel two foot tall.
11:36That first fight against Jet Stream Sam in Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, where he just kicks your
11:40ass relentlessly. I felt that. Ah, Jet Stream Sam. What an absolute legend. Somehow, despite operating
11:48within the off-kilter confines of the Metal Gear franchise's most bat-hit game, and that is saying
11:54something. Sam here manages to stand out as one of the most memorable characters of the experience.
11:58And that says something. Especially when you're competing with the likes of Don't Speak to My
12:03Son or My Nano Machines Again. Sam is effortlessly cool and suave, and will just as easily beat your
12:09ass into the floor throughout the narrative. Firstly, as an impossible, can't win boss battle,
12:14and then again as a tough and truly taxing test of your skills. In both fights, he will showcase moves
12:19that feel just too fast to react to, and shrug off your attacks like you're throwing mild insults
12:24his way instead of katana strikes. And thus, the bar was set pretty high for his playable outing in
12:29the Jet Stream Sam DLC. It's just a shame then that the player simply cannot replicate the speed
12:34and sheer badass nature that AI Sam basically ate for every meal, as while you can indeed get a lot
12:40of cool moves out of the Brazilian badass, nothing will come close to the man who can brush off sword
12:45blows and almost teleport around the stage at mind-blowing speeds. Sam is definitely one of
12:50those characters, which, uh, there's a lot of these going on in modern-day gaming, where they're
12:55just like cut-scene amazing. And when you get to play as him, it's just kind of like, ah, I'm not as good
13:00as that. I'm not as good as the pre-scripted event that you've had play out in front of me. He's still
13:03a great character, and you can get so much damage done with him. But at the same time, not as cool as
13:09the computer-controlled version. So big boo. And there we go, my friends. Those were eight powerful
13:13video game enemies that became weak playable characters. I hope that you enjoyed that,
13:17and please let me know what you thought about it down in the comments section below, as well as
13:20what you would have put on this list, because who knows, I might return to a more of this down the
13:25line. But if you want to chat to me in the meantime, you can go over to Twitter and type in
13:28at RetroJ, but the O is a zero, and you'll find me there. Or you can swing by Liv and Let's Dice,
13:34where I do all of my streaming outside of work, as well as all of my Warhammer battle reports.
13:37Stuff on the table, still the terrain from last week. Haven't had a chance to paint any at the moment.
13:41Probably should tidy up the table a little bit in between, but who cares? No judgement,
13:44no judgement, no circle of judgement here. Also, this is the logo for the brand,
13:48that's why I keep wearing this hand. But before I go, I just want to say one thing.
13:51Hope you treat yourself with love and respect, my friend, because you are the video game badass
13:56that I know can be pumped up with positivity bids to become even stronger. You're an absolute ledge,
14:01and don't let anything or anyone else tell you otherwise, alright? I want you to go out there
14:05and absolutely smash it today. You are a massive ledge, alright? Big love to you. As always,
14:10I've been Jules, you have been awesome, never forget that. I'll speak to you soon. Bye.
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