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03:01En Wiltshire
03:08So just to put you in the picture, I got up at 6
03:11And I had been working for 5 hours 55 minutes
03:15When you came into the room
03:17As you know, I personally handle everything myself
03:22With absolutely no help
03:23Giles and his wife Mary
03:25And then you came in
03:27And when you said your room needs to sort out
03:31That was enough to actually make me want to kill you
03:36Oh dear
03:37And just as well they have gun laws here
03:39That's the thing about marriage, Natty
03:40Is that tomorrow you won't even remember
03:42Yes, but when you do something
03:43Because there will be a new crisis tomorrow
03:45And that's the nature of marriage
03:46Well, you'll find the nature of marriage is different from what you think
03:50Relationship goals
03:53Well, you're going to the shed
03:54You're going to live in the shed, you horrible, horrible man
03:58On Saturday night, the remaining Strictly stars have made the annual trip up north
04:04For this
04:05It's bloody black pool week, Paris
04:06This is only down road
04:07I know I drove past the vans this morning
04:09Oh
04:10Oh
04:11Oh they're
04:12Oh
04:12Hey, watch
04:13Oh
04:14Cheers
04:17Wow
04:19I'm on one tonight
04:22Lucky me
04:24If we can't go out, out
04:26We stay in
04:26¡Suscríbete al canal!
04:56I thought they, like, died years ago.
04:59No, why would they die?
05:05Oh, I like her.
05:06I know you do.
05:07Gosh.
05:08It's got Abbott energy, innit?
05:09Yeah, I was going to say that, innit?
05:14It's bringing it back to the noughties with them white suits.
05:17I want a Steps makeover.
05:19What era is Steps?
05:221960s, I think.
05:26I mean, seriously.
05:31It's a banger, to be fair.
05:33A banger.
05:33That's a traditional banger.
05:35And we're going to go into a Steps medley.
05:37They can't just be doing Summer of Love.
05:38I need more.
05:43Oh.
05:44Transition to a new Steps banger.
05:46Oh, yes.
05:47I love a transition.
05:47There was something in your voice.
05:52There she is, fresh from Dubai.
05:53Here's Lisa.
05:54This is Lisa, is it?
05:55Lisa about to sing, yes.
05:57With her big boots on.
05:58Yes.
05:59My thigh highs.
06:00They are.
06:00Did you ever have a piece of thigh highs?
06:02No.
06:02No.
06:02No.
06:02No.
06:03No.
06:03Oh, a little bit of filth.
06:10Oh.
06:11I don't like those weird movements they're doing there.
06:13What do they signify?
06:17Is it Deadwood?
06:19I don't think so.
06:20He wasn't in Steps.
06:21They still all look good, though, don't they?
06:22Yeah, they do.
06:24He's nearly 50.
06:25Oh.
06:26Each.
06:26Is he?
06:27Yes.
06:27Oh, I love a bit of that.
06:33I can do that.
06:37Now, I see everything I can do.
06:39I can do it really fast as well.
06:40Look how fast it goes.
06:46Oh, I bit of bongos.
06:48Get the judges in.
06:50Look at this lot.
06:52They look sharp as well, the judges.
06:58It's one for Sorrow.
06:59Oh, I love one for Sorrow.
07:03Ain't it too, too bad.
07:10Hansel looks like he should be serving canapes.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:14Oh, look at Graham.
07:19Oh, it's fucking Graham.
07:21Oh, I don't know, what's his name?
07:22Graham.
07:23I thought it was Graham.
07:24Graham?
07:25I think you do have a look at Clars and Steps about you.
07:32Stunning.
07:33She's prettier and can see.
07:41Better than ever, you know.
07:44Up again.
07:46I feel as though I want to get up and dance, won't he?
07:49Well, you don't want to do that, love.
07:52Do you know what?
08:00I bloody love Blackpool.
08:03Hey, I bet you didn't know this, but the actual ballroom in Blackpool, it's got a sprung floor, that.
08:07Yes, it is.
08:08So you could play squash on it.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:10I think I know this one.
08:19This is what everyone came for.
08:21This is what people came for.
08:23Tragedy!
08:25When the feeling's gone, you can't go on, it's tragedy!
08:29They've saved the best till last, haven't they?
08:32Tragedy!
08:32When the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy.
08:36Tragedy!
08:39You two are just butchering me.
08:41You're going nowhere.
08:46This is the working man's YMCA, this.
08:49It is.
08:49It's controlling, and I'm sorry, it's tragedy.
08:53Oh!
08:56Oh, my tits went through.
09:00That's a tragedy.
09:05Piss off.
09:08In the Cotswolds.
09:10Darling, I've got a surprise.
09:12What is it?
09:12That I brought back from my very brief trip to Mexico.
09:15What is in there?
09:16Our friends have had something done for us.
09:18Oh, God.
09:19Andrew and his husband Alfie.
09:22I have a great unveil.
09:23What is that?
09:30Perkins, what do you think?
09:32Luckily...
09:33Perkins looks startled.
09:34Lucky he can't speak.
09:36Well, darling, it's not bad of me.
09:38I think it's...
09:39I mean...
09:40Well, I'm glad you look all right.
09:41I mean...
09:42I mean, you look a bit unshaven.
09:44What?
09:45I think it's done from a photo.
09:47I mean, he's very kind.
09:49I wonder where it should go.
09:51Downstairs cupboard?
09:52On Friday, the BBC brought us news to get us all in the mood.
09:57Is it...
09:58Do you want apple crumble overnight oats
10:00or banoffee overnight wheat bisques?
10:03Banoffee overnight wheat bisques.
10:05Well, I wanted that one.
10:06The last Friday before Black Friday,
10:08even though all the deals have already begun.
10:10Yeah, page the tip was saying that it's Black Friday today,
10:13and it ain't...
10:13No, it's next week.
10:14No.
10:15She's going, you know, I need the credit card
10:17because it's Black Friday.
10:21Nice try.
10:21Yeah, there he goes.
10:24Good afternoon.
10:25Welcome to the BBC News at One.
10:27Oh, gosh.
10:29She looks like Olivia Newton-John.
10:31Now, we ask it every year,
10:33how soon is too soon for the tinsel?
10:36Now it's too soon.
10:37I'm fucking sick of it.
10:38Never too soon for me.
10:40Never too soon for me.
10:42It's not soon enough, sweetheart.
10:43I've pulled the trigger.
10:46My decks are open.
10:47For some, thoughts turn to the tree as soon as Guy Fawkes has cooled off.
10:51No, I won't go that far.
10:52No, no, no, no, no, no.
10:54But for others,
10:54digging out the decks too soon can spoil the big day.
10:57Well, does it really matter?
11:01I was sitting on a loo in an airport in fucking September
11:04and they're playing Jingle Bells.
11:06I love it that people treejaculate and put it up early
11:09because do you know what?
11:11Winter's miserable enough.
11:12Stick some fucking festive lights on it and have a nice time.
11:15Anna White has been asking shoppers in Hull
11:17whether their build-up has started.
11:19I feel we could do with a bit of a call this year.
11:22I disagree.
11:22I think we need more decorations.
11:24No, no.
11:25It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
11:29Oh, no.
11:31Oh, no.
11:32That's cute.
11:34Well, it certainly is at the garden centre.
11:36Arncy Garden Centre.
11:38And you had seen them fucking three things before.
11:41I've been to that garden centre.
11:43Is it too early to be decked up for Christmas?
11:45Is it bollocks?
11:46Next question.
11:47No, I don't think so.
11:49You're good on your girl.
11:51See, that old lady said she doesn't think so.
11:53Oh, well, then we'll go with her, shall we?
11:56I agree.
11:57Do you think we're going earlier?
11:58Yeah, I think we are because it's old in the shops earlier, isn't it?
12:01So I think that puts you in the mood.
12:03I think it's too early.
12:05They've got the Christmas tree up in the hairdressers already
12:08and I was offered a mince pie and a Bailey's.
12:11That was last week.
12:12You look like you're dressed to go on Santa's sleigh.
12:15That's a bit bloody rude.
12:16What are you dressed like, dear?
12:17Can I say you look magnificent?
12:20Oh, thank you.
12:21Yeah.
12:21I've seen them in the gardens already.
12:23Can't be done with coloured lights.
12:24No, no.
12:25I don't like coloured lights.
12:26Just keep it chic.
12:27Just keep it classy.
12:29Yeah, you see, I always veer, though,
12:31I want to keep it chic and classy
12:33and then I start putting tinsel over paintings.
12:35No.
12:35My wife, two kids.
12:37It's definitely a Christmassy household,
12:40but I'm a bit of a Scrooge, so...
12:41What we want to be asking is a Fiat 500 driver
12:45that's got an eggnog latte in her hand.
12:47Yeah.
12:48Then we'll see if it's too early.
12:49Whatever the reason,
12:51is it ever too early?
12:53Yes.
12:54No.
12:55Amanda White, BBC News,
12:57in a surprisingly festive Hornsea.
12:59Do whatever makes you happy,
13:01that's what I say.
13:02Oh, I love Christmassy.
13:04I don't want it.
13:07What are you crying for?
13:08Cos I just love it.
13:09It's a happy time, Jenny.
13:11I know it is, I know.
13:11I just love it.
13:21In Leeds...
13:22Well, you'll be pleased to know
13:24that I've treated myself to a new bra.
13:27Oh, yeah.
13:27Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
13:30Because I needed a new black bra
13:31so that my tits weren't all in a jumble
13:33for my Christmas works, Christmas do.
13:36Finally.
13:37Yeah.
13:37Anyway, and you told me that I were a 36-back,
13:40didn't you, from looking at my other bras.
13:42So I just went into the supermarket,
13:45found the black bras,
13:47got the cup,
13:49put it up against my boob like that.
13:51In the middle of the supermarket?
13:53Yeah, I'm like this.
13:55In the supermarket.
13:56And I thought,
13:58that'll do.
13:59Take that.
13:59I haven't even tried it on yet.
14:00You better hope it's all right.
14:01You better try it on tonight.
14:03Put it on tonight.
14:05Well, I mean, what's worse that can happen?
14:07This week,
14:08we went back to the upside-down world
14:10with the long-awaited return of this on Netflix.
14:13I've waited all year for this now,
14:16and I didn't really want to watch up with you,
14:17but you're here,
14:18so shut up.
14:20Now, Dad,
14:20what you have to remember is
14:21that when this series started,
14:24the kids were like 12 years old.
14:26Right.
14:26They're about 32 now.
14:27OK.
14:28So you'll have to suspend disbelief a little bit.
14:35I've even got Stranger Things pyjamas,
14:37they say I'm that much of a super fan, yeah?
14:39Goody L.
14:40You know,
14:40every time I see a Christmas lights now,
14:42I can't look at it the same.
14:43Yeah!
14:44I just think of Stranger Things.
14:45Will!
14:46Will, is that you?
14:47Will!
14:48Send me a message!
14:48So that's Mike and Nancy's little sister,
14:56the baby that is no longer a baby, Holly.
14:58I want her outfit.
14:59It's cute.
15:04What's she saying there?
15:10Who's she waving to?
15:12What is that?
15:12There's a shadow.
15:17Who's that?
15:18Holly!
15:21Grace.
15:22I've been calling you.
15:23I'm sorry.
15:24Nobody's there.
15:25Who's she waving at?
15:26I don't know.
15:27Right, this is creepy already, Ellie.
15:29Turn it off.
15:30Playtime's over.
15:32Come on.
15:35She's watching someone again.
15:36I wonder what she's seeing.
15:40Hi.
15:41Who's Holly talking to?
15:42She knows them.
15:43She's not scared of them.
15:44Oh, yeah.
15:45Miss Harris.
15:46No one.
15:49No one.
15:50She's not talking to anyone.
15:52Oh, you do that all the time.
15:54Yeah, I do.
15:54I'm all right in that world.
15:56That's it.
15:57I'm standing there talking to nobody.
15:59Well, she's hardly the first child to have an imaginary friend.
16:03I wouldn't need to work if she was five years old.
16:05Oh, the parents are arguing about her being weird.
16:08It's causing a kerfuffle.
16:14Oh, she's real upset, look.
16:16What's Holly crying for?
16:17Well, she's had a bit of a tough day.
16:19She's talking to people and they're not even there.
16:21Oh, you know, it's always the lights.
16:26It's the lights when they flick off.
16:28That's the sign the demigorgon's coming for their house, is it?
16:31Oh, for fuck's sake.
16:32I don't like this.
16:37Oh, shit.
16:38Oh, it's going to go down the ceiling.
16:39They're here.
16:40They're here.
16:40They're here.
16:41They're here.
16:41Oh, my God.
16:47Oh, it's one of them.
16:49It's a gemmy-gum.
16:50Oh, whatever.
16:54Oh, no!
16:55Oh, my God.
16:56Oh, it's throwing.
16:57We're all over the show.
16:58Oh, my God.
17:04She's pissed going in the bathroom, are they?
17:06Oh, look at her.
17:08I mean, this is a vibe, though, isn't it?
17:11Never mind your bubble bath pet.
17:13Your kid's getting hit and dragged down the bedroom by the demagogue.
17:16Oh, my God.
17:16Seriously, what are you doing?
17:17What's wrong?
17:19There's a monster.
17:20I can't slow down.
17:21Listen to the girl, man, you silly cow.
17:24Mom, please.
17:25You've got to believe me.
17:28You've got blood or not?
17:29Blood.
17:29There you go.
17:30There you go.
17:31Thank you.
17:31Take her seriously.
17:34What the heck?
17:35Mr. Weirder, get the shotgun.
17:41Oh, here we go.
17:45Oh, my God.
17:48Where have they gone?
17:49In the sad set night.
17:55Oh, they're going to die.
17:57They're just holding their breath.
17:58Oh, wow.
17:59How long could you hold your breath for, though?
18:01That is a very good question.
18:03While's panicking.
18:04Yeah.
18:10It's Ted!
18:11It's Ted with a golf club.
18:12Thank God.
18:16Oh, shit.
18:17There it is.
18:17I don't have a good feeling about this.
18:19Ted's dead.
18:20Stay back.
18:21Stay back!
18:22Stay back!
18:25Swipe in, you silly cow.
18:29Oh, bloody hell.
18:30Oh, he's killed him.
18:34Oh!
18:35You see what happened when you face it?
18:37Forget that.
18:40Oh!
18:40Oh!
18:41Oh, she's shitter.
18:43You never run when your feet are wet.
18:44Oh!
18:47Come on, get up!
18:49Oh, leave it.
18:49Oh, please, please.
18:50Don't leave, it's a mother.
18:54Oh, right, here he is.
18:58Yes!
18:58Oh, she's got a ball in.
19:00Oh, she's got a ball in.
19:01Oh!
19:02Oh, straight in the kisser.
19:06Yes!
19:06The Calvary's coming.
19:08Turn off.
19:08She got the shotty.
19:09That's his heart.
19:11This is a five.
19:12Oh, my God.
19:15What's she seeing?
19:16What's she seeing?
19:20Oh, no, it's her mom.
19:23God, Karen's dead, isn't it?
19:24I'm fucking joking.
19:24She's dead.
19:25She's dead, isn't it?
19:26She's still alive.
19:30Oh, no.
19:30It's going to be fine.
19:31Okay?
19:32You're going to be fine.
19:33Holly.
19:34Holly.
19:35Where's Holly?
19:35Oh, shit, yeah, where's Holly?
19:37Oh, shit, yeah, where's Holly?
19:41It took Holly.
19:42It took her.
19:42Oh, we've taken her to the upside down.
19:44Jesus Christ, man.
19:48I just like how realistic it all is.
19:51Oh, it puts stuff in your head.
19:52There's no wonder these kids can't go to sleep.
19:55All the shape they watch.
20:00In Solihull...
20:02Close your eyes.
20:03Where are you?
20:03Keep your eyes closed.
20:05I'm in the kitchen.
20:06Open your eyes.
20:08Teresa and her wife, Anita.
20:10Oh, yeah.
20:11Oh, my God.
20:12What do you reckon?
20:20We're going to have a different colour every night of the week.
20:23Yeah, and look, a mixture.
20:25Oh, lovely.
20:27I'm very, very, very happy.
20:31Are you?
20:31No.
20:33On Sunday, it was a countdown of the best hymns
20:36that took us down memory lane on BBC One.
20:39I love school assembly sing-along.
20:41I've been getting warmed up.
20:42Me and Bobby have been going to mass, haven't we?
20:44This is the big school assembly sing-along.
20:47Oh, it's Ali.
20:48Oh, Ali did get his face in anyway.
20:50Singing.
20:51Is there singing in the rain?
20:52No.
20:54Ali Jones, they always wheel him out for all the singing, don't they?
20:57There'll be riots if Shine Jesus Shine isn't in the top three.
21:02There'll be riots from me if Lord of the Dance isn't in it.
21:04Oh.
21:05That was our wedding song.
21:06It was our wedding song.
21:07The apples are ripe, the plums are red.
21:11The broad bees are sleeping in a blanket teabed.
21:14But up, but up, but up, but up, but up, but up, but up.
21:18Hey, listen.
21:20We don't remember that.
21:21No.
21:22I can now reveal that number two is a traditional hymn.
21:25Oh, number two.
21:26If this isn't, give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, switch it off.
21:30It is, of course, give me oil in my lamp.
21:34Take it away.
21:34Give me oil in my lamp.
21:36This is a tune, man.
21:41Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning.
21:45Give me oil in my lamp, I pray.
21:48I pray.
21:50Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning.
21:53Give me oil in my lamp, I pray.
21:56Is that meant to be me?
21:57Yes.
21:58Oil in my lamp, keep me burning.
22:01Keep me burning till the break of day.
22:05Oh, I remember this one now.
22:08Sing, Hosanna.
22:10Sing, Hosanna to the King of Kings.
22:14Sing, Hosanna.
22:16Sing, Hosanna.
22:18Sing, Hosanna to the King.
22:21God, this is the most undiverse programme I think I've ever watched.
22:24Oh.
22:25Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning.
22:29I'm kind of over it after the first verse of everything.
22:32Are you?
22:32Yes.
22:33You feel I've done that, been there, right?
22:35Let's move on.
22:40Look at her face.
22:42That's like, you were brought up with girls like that, weren't you?
22:45With faces like that, yes.
22:48Normal people.
22:49Normal.
22:50Sing, Hosanna.
22:52Sing, Hosanna.
22:55Sing, Hosanna to the King of Kings.
22:59Sing, Hosanna.
23:00Sing, Hosanna.
23:02Sing, Hosanna to the King of Kings.
23:06Oh, wow.
23:08You went all sister act then.
23:11Whoa.
23:12Sing, Hosanna.
23:14Sing, Hosanna to the King.
23:16Sing.
23:17Sing.
23:18Sing.
23:18Sing.
23:19That was a right old him who down, isn't it?
23:22Yeah.
23:23I actually feel like I've just been in assembly with my father.
23:27Yeah.
23:28I tell you what, bollocks to your Oasis tickets at 450 quid a pop.
23:32Get me in there.
23:33Yeah, that's my Oasis.
23:34Isn't it funny?
23:35You forget what you've had for breakfast, but you never forget them words.
23:39What did you have for breakfast?
23:40I don't know.
23:49In Blackpool.
23:50I tell you what, the kids, they're so much like me and Paige.
23:54Jimmy's like me, whereas Eva, 100 mile an hour, always wanting to be doing something.
23:59Like Paige, she comes alive at night.
24:01Pete and his little sister Sophie.
24:04Eva is like you in some respects, though, because remember when mum gave her 50p for the charity
24:09bucket and everyone else put their money in and then we looked at Eva's hand and her
24:13knuckles were almost white from clinging on to a 50p piece?
24:18Well, she's not daft, is she?
24:20Apple never falls far from the tree.
24:23On Friday night, animals were getting up to all sorts on Discovery.
24:28Drunk animals are quite funny.
24:30I know it's not right.
24:31That's because of the generation you were born into.
24:35Because you have the PG tips monkeys.
24:37Yeah, smoking monkeys.
24:38Smoking monkeys.
24:39That's not okay.
24:40It's not okay.
24:44Drunk beards.
24:46It's happening.
24:47I've seen drunk monkeys.
24:49They get drunk.
24:49Yeah, I've seen monkeys taking away a bottle.
24:52Oh, do you remember that friend of us?
24:54The monkey was taking booze out of our house the whole time.
24:56And the toothpaste.
24:57And the toothpaste.
24:58Probably to get rid of the smell of the booze so nobody else knew.
25:01In the program, we met wildlife expert Forrest off to meet a bear.
25:06But now we're pulling into Bowser's Peace Sanctuary, which is where the guy named Stanton,
25:11who was apparently an alcoholic, has a bear that was also an alcoholic.
25:15What?
25:16How does a bear get a corkscrew?
25:18Like...
25:19And the two helped each other overcome their addictions.
25:24What is this?
25:24Like an AA meeting?
25:26In the woods.
25:27An AA meeting in the woods between a bear and a man.
25:30I hear that you have a bear.
25:34Woof, woof.
25:35Shit.
25:37Lupin.
25:38It's a bear.
25:39You want to come and meet him and share some time with him and you'll experience the stuff
25:44I can't explain.
25:45What, meet the who?
25:46Is he talking about come and meet the bear?
25:47He must be joking.
25:49What, you want me to go in there with him?
25:50We're going in and not staying behind us.
25:52An angry, recovering alcoholic bear.
25:55So guys, we are going in with a live bear here.
25:58Okay?
25:58Your energy and your body language is super important.
26:01Very calm, very smooth, very gentle.
26:04That's how we want to be with him.
26:05Got it?
26:05How about I just record you from a distance?
26:08From a distance, yeah.
26:10Hey, hey, hey, bear.
26:12Hey, buddy, hi.
26:14Jesus Christ, he's brave, isn't he?
26:17To be fair, no, no, he looks like a nice bear.
26:19He's a changed bear.
26:21Yeah.
26:22Sobriety has done him a lot of good.
26:24He's done wonders of good for the bear.
26:25Boris, you can give him a treat just right.
26:28Oh, look at that.
26:28I thought he might take your finger off.
26:30No.
26:30Or another finger off.
26:31Oh, he's got one finger gone already.
26:33He's missing a finger.
26:35Index, index is gone.
26:37No, that was a different, different day.
26:40Different day?
26:42I heard that you had a problem with addiction and depression
26:45and that he had a problem with addiction.
26:47Can you clarify that for me?
26:49Oh, look.
26:50He's having a coffee.
26:51Somewhere along there, Bowser came
26:53and showed me a whole different life
26:55that I didn't even know was possible.
26:58Oh, my God.
27:00He's just giving you a hug.
27:01Is that sweet or is he trying to kill him?
27:03No, no.
27:03He's having a hug.
27:04Oh, my God.
27:05That bear's getting a bit rough in it.
27:07He's getting a bit chokeholdy, that bear.
27:09And I met Bowser.
27:10And what that turned into
27:12was an understanding how...
27:14Look, I mean, he's got his head right by his mouth.
27:17How that connection can help us.
27:19Wrong.
27:21And he's showing off,
27:22so I'm going to have to be a daddy.
27:23Oh, I'm not liking this, Chase, sir.
27:30Yeah, yeah.
27:30Easy.
27:31Shh.
27:32Come here.
27:32Talk me through what you're doing.
27:34He's wrestling a bear.
27:35Oh, my God.
27:36What I'm actually doing here
27:37is grappling with a bear.
27:42I'm trying to see it for fucking life.
27:44I'm laying him down.
27:45Yeah.
27:45If I can get to his belly.
27:47Yeah.
27:48He's going to be in his belly in a minute.
27:49Jesus.
27:49No, this ain't real, this ain't real.
27:53I'm going to show him his boss.
27:54Tickle, tickle, tickle.
27:56Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
27:58Shh.
27:59No, easy.
28:01This is getting a bit fucking silly now.
28:04Oh, here it goes.
28:05He's trying to eat your head.
28:06It's just a word of warning.
28:08He's trying to eat your head.
28:12He's got his head in his mouth.
28:14No.
28:14No.
28:14This is our love.
28:15Okay.
28:16It's fucking brushing him now.
28:18This is how he...
28:19This is how he communicates.
28:21Get out of there now,
28:22because this tool might...
28:23I don't want anything to love me that much, do you?
28:25No.
28:26I mean, it's meant that he's only ever
28:28bitten one of Stanton's fingers off.
28:31Yeah.
28:31You know, that's only really what he's done.
28:33But that is a small price to pay for love.
28:38In South East London...
28:40Do you know, I love you in that black T-shirt.
28:43You look quite sexy, that under your shirt.
28:47Yeah.
28:47Annie and her husband, Ronnie.
28:50It reminds me of the days.
28:51We're reminiscing a bit here, isn't we?
28:53Yeah.
28:53I know.
28:54You ain't forgot.
28:56You used to have a black T-shirt and you used to have your love beads around it.
29:01That's it.
29:02Except your hair was down your back.
29:04Yeah, well...
29:04Instead of...
29:05Not now, is it?
29:06No.
29:07Your hair's just not there.
29:08I can't even get it to go down my ears, let alone anything else.
29:14On Monday, more con artists were up to no good on BBC One.
29:19Until the boys changed my privacy settings on Facebook, I was getting lots of messages.
29:24Oh, yeah.
29:24From American soldiers.
29:26Wanted to chat with me.
29:31You're off your head.
29:36This isn't any old scam interceptors, Pedders.
29:39This is celebrity scam interceptors.
29:41They do have the celebrity version of everything now, don't they?
29:44Well, celebrities, you know, they don't discriminate.
29:46They can be scammed as well.
29:48What I do is I go on my online banking and think I've been scammed.
29:52Then I look at the transactions and realise they're all me.
29:56Today in the Glasgow Scam Hub...
29:58Glasgow Scam Hub?
29:59Yeah.
29:59Wow.
30:00I didn't know there was one there.
30:01There's a new member of the team.
30:04Celebrity scam interceptor Amanda Holden.
30:07Amanda Holden!
30:09What's Mandy doing here?
30:11Scammers have been using her image to trick people out of money.
30:14Oh!
30:16Yes, I've read that.
30:18Identity for all.
30:19Yes!
30:20I can't stand injustice.
30:23And my family and friends say I'm always up for a fight.
30:26She looks like she's always up for a fight, doesn't she?
30:29She's like you, Mary.
30:30She likes to catch culprits.
30:31Yeah.
30:32So I put your name in to see where are these profiles lurking.
30:35I was amazed at how many other profiles were actually there.
30:38There were hundreds.
30:39Are these Amanda Holden?
30:40Yeah.
30:41Fucking hell.
30:42So I'd like to ask you if you recognise this picture at all.
30:46Well, yes, that's me.
30:47It was in Dubai.
30:48Oh.
30:49Pick that one up.
30:50That was one of the pictures that one of the scammers were using.
30:53Wow.
30:53But I said, can you please send me a video to verify your identity?
30:56Ah, this is where they get caught out because they can't send a video, can they?
30:59And they did.
31:00What?
31:01Oh, he's got one.
31:02I am Amanda Holden.
31:06Obviously, I am real.
31:08Wow.
31:09They've made a video out of the photo room.
31:11That's crazy, isn't it?
31:13Isn't it crazy?
31:15And I am shocked you would not believe this is true.
31:18Don't sound out like it.
31:19Uncle Barry's at it all the time on bloody AI, turning pictures into videos.
31:25Have you not seen him, do we?
31:26Yeah, I have.
31:27Making Auntie Margaret, riding horses and stuff like that.
31:29Yeah.
31:30And we've got something now that we're going to show you, Amanda, because Amanda, it's
31:33time for you to meet Scamander.
31:36Scamander Holden.
31:37Scamander.
31:37Why are you making it sound sexy?
31:39I don't know.
31:41I've got one little treat for you.
31:43I have this guy on WhatsApp.
31:44What?
31:45No.
31:46Oh, call him.
31:48Taking on the role of superfan Stephen, I message the scammer.
31:53Oh, here we go.
31:53This is so cool.
31:56Here we go.
31:57What?
31:58Reply straight away.
31:59Oh, key.
32:01You can use a voice note if you want to say something today.
32:04So you need to say, I'm in the bank now.
32:06You see, that will get him to chat.
32:08Yes, Amanda, let's talk.
32:10That will get him to chat.
32:12Hey, Amanda, I don't know what to do with this money.
32:16I don't know where it goes.
32:17Can you just call me, babe?
32:18Babe.
32:19Can you call me?
32:20He's a superfan.
32:21He's pretending.
32:22He's scamming the scammer.
32:23He's scamming Scamander.
32:24Will you talk to my manager because I'm busy and can't take calls now?
32:28To be honest with you, that probably would be something Amanda would say as well.
32:31Imagine if it really is Amanda's manager.
32:34My heart is racing.
32:36This is how I feel just before the thing goes back on Britain's Got Talent.
32:40Oh, she always has to get something, doesn't she?
32:42Amanda, is that your manager?
32:44Is that your manager?
32:45Oh, right.
32:46This is brilliant, isn't it?
32:47Is Amanda there?
32:49I've got her money.
32:51Yeah, okay, you've got her money.
32:52This is the instruction.
32:53We're going to send you an address right now.
32:55Imagine that.
32:56So straightforward.
32:57Not even like lower lines.
32:59Oh, like, yeah, I'll guide you through it.
33:01Whatever.
33:01Yeah, this is the instruction.
33:02I've got the bank staff here.
33:06They're just going to check the address.
33:08Amanda's talking to him now.
33:10What's she going to do?
33:10She's going to pretend to be the bank manager.
33:13Oh, my God.
33:14Hello, good afternoon.
33:15I just want to check the amount of money that Amanda needs.
33:20Look at Amanda.
33:20She sounds like a cashier, doesn't she, in the bank account, sir?
33:24Yeah.
33:24She needs about ten thousand for the investment.
33:26How much?
33:27Ten thousand?
33:29Okay, sir.
33:30Can I let you know my name so you know who you're dealing with?
33:35Yeah, let me know your name.
33:36Yeah, go on.
33:37Go on.
33:38Drum roll.
33:39Dun, dun, dun.
33:40My name is Amanda Holden.
33:43Oh, shit!
33:45You little fucker.
33:47I know everything about you.
33:48Oh, he's ungold.
33:50He's ungold.
33:51Bah!
33:52And just like that, the scam's over.
33:54Yeah.
33:56Yes!
33:57Look at her face!
33:58Look at her face!
33:59Look at her face!
34:00She's absolutely seething!
34:03Oh, you little...
34:05That says, you little shit.
34:07I know everything about you!
34:09Well done, Amanda.
34:11Good girl.
34:12All he'll do now is shut that account down and pop up as Alicia Dixon.
34:16Yeah.
34:18I think you've done real well, Lee, in a week.
34:28It's good.
34:29What are you looking at?
34:30Your mustache.
34:31Best friends Jenny and Lee.
34:33Do you know something?
34:33I keep forgetting I've got it.
34:35Do you?
34:35I was talking to somebody yesterday in the cabinet.
34:37You're not like staring at me.
34:38What are you looking at?
34:40No, it's grown.
34:41Best you when you said, oh, you look like an 80s porn star.
34:44Really?
34:46I won't go that far.
34:49This week, it was a surprising all-star turnout for a brand new drama on Prime Video.
34:54Because you've got, I tell who's in this and all, it's David Duchovny, out of the X-Files.
35:00Sir.
35:01Remember him?
35:02No, I can't.
35:03With Gillian Anderson.
35:05I don't know her.
35:05She was iconic in his day.
35:07Well, I can remember.
35:08You don't take anything in, do you, at all?
35:10But I don't even remember watching it.
35:16There's Jack.
35:16I, I remember him now.
35:21I hope they made Jack White all look really sexy.
35:24Everybody's looking sexy at the moment.
35:26I think it's the testosterone gel.
35:27It's worrying.
35:28You need to just monitor that, Mum.
35:33Oh, US Customs.
35:35Nobody wants to go through US Customs.
35:36Have you done your Esther?
35:38Come with me, please, sir.
35:40Sure.
35:41Oh, Jesus.
35:42He's only just arrived.
35:43Hopefully they don't get the old glove out.
35:45My name's Nikki Delgado.
35:47I'm an agent with the Department of Homeland Security.
35:49Oh, this sounds a bit ominous.
35:51Do you know the Tanner family?
35:53And a man called Jamie Tanner.
35:55Yes.
35:55Yes, he knows him.
35:56He's a bit too calm for me.
35:58I spent the last month working for him and living in his house.
36:01Okay, what's happened to Jamie Tanner?
36:04Well.
36:06What's she showing him?
36:07Jamie Tanner, is he dead?
36:09This is horrible.
36:10What's horrible?
36:11Think someone's toast, fellas.
36:13But in a way, I'm not surprised.
36:14Well, why am I not surprised?
36:17Well, what is it?
36:17That's a strange comment, isn't it?
36:19Jamie Tanner was not a very nice man.
36:22Oh.
36:22Oh.
36:23Neither was Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street.
36:26She was a bugger.
36:33Malice.
36:34Is it not a name?
36:35No.
36:36Malice is a type of meaning.
36:39Like a palace.
36:41No.
36:41Oh, now that looks nice.
36:48Don't forget, we've gone back in time now.
36:50Oh, no.
36:51Hang on a minute.
36:53What?
36:53I'm going back in time.
36:57Look at that bud.
36:59He's got a six pack and everything.
37:02God, I can get to that very easily.
37:04Go on, then.
37:05Hi, you must be Jamie.
37:08Yeah.
37:09Adam, so nice to meet you.
37:11What an amazing place this is.
37:12How long have you had it?
37:14Ten or twelve years.
37:15Already bad vibes.
37:16You're here to tutor Millie?
37:17Yeah, just a bit.
37:19A tutor.
37:20Oh, I had a couple of them.
37:22They didn't do much for you, did they?
37:24Maths, English, French.
37:28Waste of time.
37:29A bit later, and Jack had picked up a couple of octopuses for dinner.
37:36Oh.
37:37Oh, my God.
37:38He's unhinged.
37:39Daniel, I don't like him.
37:40He's scaring me.
37:41He's really giving me the eebie-jeebs.
37:47That's an octopus.
37:48Oh.
37:51Gross.
37:52Very gross.
37:52Yeah.
37:53Love to fucking gut you and hang you on a line.
37:55What?
37:56What the fucking hell?
37:58Is he a psychopath?
38:02That's not normal.
38:04Oh, really?
38:05Oh, yeah.
38:06I'm out.
38:07Get me out of here.
38:07Get me out of here.
38:08Travelodge.
38:09Travelodge.
38:10Literally.
38:10Travelodge.
38:12I think if we're able to shake off Damien for the night,
38:15maybe we should try out that place.
38:16Oh.
38:18Your kind of establishment?
38:23Oh, it's CD.
38:25Oh, is it a strip club?
38:26I knew it.
38:30Dirty bar.
38:31Do you know they do lessons in that now?
38:33Night school.
38:34I was going to, yeah, I was going to join.
38:37What?
38:37Two years ago.
38:39I was.
38:39Two Sambucas, please.
38:41Sambuca.
38:42Oh, no.
38:43Yamas.
38:44Yamas.
38:46Yamas.
38:47Yasso.
38:47Boring his away, getting him pissed.
38:52Why is he doing it?
38:53Why is he trying to get Jamie pissed?
38:55And I used to do that at all.
38:56Oh, you lying.
38:57I've never seen you tip a drink out.
39:04We've all been there.
39:06I've crawled down my drive a few times,
39:08but not all the way home.
39:09You always crawl.
39:14Yeah, in fact, I do crawl a lot when I'm drunk.
39:16Yeah.
39:19Oh, no, this is creepy.
39:21Jack's got him where he wants him, nothing.
39:24What does Jack want to do to him?
39:26This is Nat tomorrow night when I get in from Christmas due,
39:32waiting for me to go up to bed.
39:33I could kill you right now if I wanted.
39:36Oh, no.
39:37A what?
39:37But why does he even consider that?
39:40But I'm not going to do that.
39:42Oh.
39:43Well, what are you going to do then, you weirdo?
39:44What a nasty piece of work he's turned out to be.
39:48The cosy manny.
39:49Because I want you to suffer.
39:51Oh.
39:52Hello, what?
39:53Now, this sounds revengeful.
39:55It's a vengeful, doesn't it?
39:57Just like I did.
39:59It's a vendetta.
40:01Ooh.
40:02For what?
40:04Oh, frigging hell.
40:06Now I've got to sit here all night working out,
40:09oh, oh, oh.
40:10And what's the connection?
40:11And what's the connection?
40:12It's very unlikely that Jack Whitehall be a serial killer.
40:17I mean, it makes it rather unpleasant to watch.
40:20Beggars' belief.
40:21It's almost as if you had Queen Elizabeth II being a psycho killer.
40:26You know, Jack Whitehall.
40:29Of course not.
40:30It's unlikely, isn't it?
40:33In Leeds.
40:35Have you seen out of Auntie Margaret since she's been back off her old?
40:38So, she called round last night.
40:40She didn't come in.
40:41She just stood at the door because she'd been sorting out at our Katie's.
40:45Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
40:47Margaret didn't have a right lot to say.
40:49I can't believe, since Margaret's come back off holiday,
40:52none of us have heard anything off her.
40:55Where's she been?
40:56Been to Selby with Barry.
40:57Yeah.
40:58Her and Barry being out for a drive.
41:00God.
41:00You'd think she'd have had enough of him after spending 11 nights with him.
41:04I think I'd want to strangle Toby after 11 nights on holiday with him just us two.
41:09Never mind go for a drive to Selby.
41:11I know.
41:13Bloody hell, Margaret.
41:14Put Barry down.
41:16She can't get enough of him.
41:17This week, the world's sexiest man was putting us to sleep on the BBC.
41:23I'm keeping the remote.
41:24I know.
41:24Why are you keeping the remote?
41:25Because you won't let me watch it.
41:27Oh, God.
41:29Will you sit still?
41:30Oh, did he?
41:32See Baby's Bedtime Story.
41:35We're watching See Fucking Baby's.
41:37Hello.
41:38I'm Jonathan.
41:39Oh, hello.
41:41Jonathan.
41:42I know who you are.
41:43Oh, calm down.
41:44I'm not calming down.
41:46It's bedtime.
41:47Do you love magic?
41:48Oh, yeah, I love magic, Jonathan.
41:50He's just been crowned the most sexiest man, 2025.
41:54Christ almighty.
41:55I'm dying to watch this then, Julie.
41:57Yeah, me too.
41:58Oh, he's doing this for the mums, isn't he?
42:01Is he?
42:02Well, Hanson does.
42:04I'd love to be able to cast spells like witches and wizards.
42:07Oh, he's got a lovely voice.
42:08He has got a nice voice, hasn't he?
42:09It's rather smoothy.
42:10It'd be good for telephone sex, if you weren't into that.
42:14And if I was magical?
42:15Do you know what I'd do right now?
42:18What?
42:18I think you're magical, Jonathan.
42:20Oh, please, can you get a grip?
42:22You know, if I was magical, you won't be fucking sat in there.
42:26You won't be telling bedtime stories.
42:28Yeah.
42:28I'd conjure up a cute, cuddly little friend to sit here with me while I read you a bedtime story.
42:35I bet you would.
42:37That's me.
42:38I'm cute.
42:39I'm cuddly.
42:40I'm the one you want.
42:41Here he is.
42:46Ladies.
42:48Maybe I am magic after all.
42:50I think you are.
42:51No, I see.
42:51I can't cope with this.
42:52Oh.
42:53What are you talking about?
42:54Is he?
42:55Look at Jonathan's bulge.
42:57Bloody hell.
42:59I love a jeans bulge.
43:01Do you?
43:01Yeah.
43:01Now, we're ready for a magical bedtime.
43:07Oh.
43:08So, snuggle up and get ready for an exciting adventure.
43:12Okay.
43:13Snuggle up.
43:13I'm getting snuggled, Jonathan.
43:16I think you should go home and watch this.
43:18It's called Room on the Broom.
43:19Room on the Broom.
43:22Room on my broom, mate.
43:24Oh, for fuck's sake.
43:26And it was written by Julia Donaldson.
43:29Julia Donaldson.
43:30One of my favourite actual authors, that.
43:32Julia Donaldson.
43:34She writes kids about...
43:35Yeah.
43:36...with illustrations by Axel Scheffler.
43:38Say Axel Scheffler, Steve.
43:41Axel Scheffler.
43:43Not bad.
43:44The witch had a cat and a very tall hat
43:48and long ginger hair, which she wore in a plait.
43:52The witch is ginger like me.
43:54Yeah, she looks a bit like you.
43:55And how the cat spat.
43:56That's insulting.
43:57How the cat purred.
44:01Oh, purred.
44:04What is going on here?
44:05Do you know what this is?
44:06Definitely not bedtime story.
44:08And how the witch grinned.
44:10I'm lost and transfixed by this.
44:12He could be reading the Bible for all I know.
44:14Then, out of the bushes, on thundering paws.
44:19You don't have to look at the pictures.
44:21You just listen to his voice.
44:22A dog with a hat in his jaws.
44:26He dropped it, politely, then eagerly said...
44:29Bent over and pick it up.
44:32Banana.
44:33I am a dog, as keen as can be.
44:36Is there room on the broom for a dog like me?
44:39Are you attracted to him?
44:40Well, I think he's quite entertaining.
44:43You wouldn't throw him out.
44:44That tells me I'm not the right age group to go out with him.
44:48However, my only thing I have against this is I'm dreading it ending.
44:54She dropped it politely and bent her head low.
44:57Go on.
44:58Then said, as the witch tied her plait in a bow,
45:02I am a bird.
45:03I'm a bird.
45:04As green as can be.
45:07Is there room on the broom for a bird like me?
45:09Yes.
45:10Is there room on your broom for a bird like me?
45:14They shot through the sky to the back of beyond.
45:18The witch clutched her bow, but let go of her wand.
45:24So now the wand's gone now.
45:25So who's going to find the wand now?
45:27Well, you two are invested in it.
45:29Then, all of a sudden, from out of a pond,
45:33he leapt a dripping wet frog with a dripping wet wand.
45:38A dripping wet wand?
45:40Oh, for God's sake.
45:42That's a bit much.
45:44I'll tell you what, you'd be paying £2.50 a minute
45:46if this were on Babes Day.
45:49Over the moors and the mountains they flew,
45:52the frog jumped for joy and...
45:55Oh!
45:56What's that?
45:58The broom snapped in two.
45:59Oh, my days!
46:01Oh, the last thing you want to do is snap your broom mid-flight.
46:04The witch was so kind to let the dog, the bird and the frog
46:09join her and the cat on the broom.
46:11Yeah.
46:12I wonder if there's room on the broom for a Jonathan like me.
46:16Good night.
46:17I don't think so.
46:20Oh!
46:21Turn it off!
46:22Night-night, Lee.
46:24Night-night.
46:24Well, Sandy's doing the Riviera by rail.
46:32Toxvig takes the train tomorrow at five past eight.
46:35And we've got new drama, a true story from the Troubles.
46:39Maxine Peake and Lola Petticrew in say nothing beginning Monday at nine.
46:44Stay with us here on Channel 4.
46:45The Last Leg is on the way next.
46:47The Last Leg is on the way next.
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