Apocalypse Goals | show | 2019 | Official Clip - video Dailymotion

JustWatch

Two friends return home to realize an alien war has begun and everyone is being vaporized. With no survival skills, neur | dHNfTHZ6cFNGRTlBU2M

Transcript

00:00Hey, why is our apartment gone?

00:02What do you mean, why is our...

00:03Our apartment is gone!

00:05In what some are calling the Apocalypse,

00:07an alien race has begun randomly vaporizing buildings and human life across America.

00:11Last night, the President of the United States offended an otherwise peaceful alien race with a tweet.

00:16The President's tweet, which read,

00:17Crumpfendtild, is apparently highly offensive in the alien language.

00:21Do you think we're the last two people on Earth?

00:23I don't know. I guess we'll take it one day at a time.

00:30Okay, let's say Grace.

00:34Thank you, aliens, for not vaporizing our shack or my family.

00:38Everyone get down! This is a robbery! Give us your food!

00:42Oh God, there's a kid! I can't do this! I don't know her!

00:44What do you mean you don't know me? We know each other!

00:45I'm not here for this!

00:46We've been together, like, for so long!

00:48That's not my name. I'm Jeff Table.

00:51This is Olivia. I'm Sam.

00:52I'm Jeff Table.

00:53How are you guys doing tonight?

00:54Wait, is this a robbery or is this not?

00:56What's with the rats?

00:57This rat has the plague and I'm gonna make it kiss this rat with tongue

01:00and then both rats will have the plague in under 20 minutes

01:02and I swear to God I will put these plague rats in your mouth

01:05unless you give us that delicious...

01:07What is that?

01:08Spiders. With salt.

01:09Oh yeah, mmm, we'll take that.

01:10I'm gonna head out. I thought this was my house.

01:12This is not my house. I'm gonna go.

01:13So why do you have plague rats, too?

01:16I just holded the rat.

01:17We're together and we are here together!

01:19I don't have her.

01:20So come up your spiders to us!

01:21I've just met here right now.

01:22You guys are matching me.

01:23Yeah, you both have bachelorette sashes and cocktail dresses.

01:25Hey guys, come on. We're not afraid of you guys.

01:28You're like two small girls.

01:30Whoa, whoa!

01:31I don't know about that.

01:32I'm not sure about bringing gender into this.

01:34What the f***, Hank?

01:35Dad, that's a problematic opinion.

01:37You goddamn misogynist!

01:38I'm not robbing either of you, but I am now robbing Hank.

01:40Give me your spiders, Hank.

01:41Yeah, Hank! Give me your spiders!

01:43Are you gonna go along with this?

01:44If you're gonna be sexist, be prepared to be robbed

01:46by two ball of girls in cocktail dresses, Hank.

01:48Since when do you call me, Hank?

01:49Since right now, Hank, give them your f***ing spiders!

01:52Oh god, oh god, there's a spaceship!

01:55Run! Run! Everybody in the face!

02:02Great! The shack got vaporized.

02:04Hey, so you guys don't think there are any spiders left, right?

02:06You think all the spiders got vaporized just because we haven't eaten in like two days?

02:09It's actually been an hour. We're lying.

02:10You ate an hour ago?

02:11You know what? You guys suck!

02:13Girl, what?

02:14Where is that coming from? I thought we were bonding.

02:16You two broke into our house, you tried to rob us, you did a bad job at it,

02:20and then you got our house vaporized!

02:22Well, we didn't get your house vaporized. That just happened.

02:24Slow your roll, Hank.

02:25We're just doing what we're trying to do to survive, like you guys.

02:27No. No, you two, you two are the devil.

02:30Uh-huh, uh-huh. You two are big devils.

02:33No, we're not big devils.

02:35We are definitely not big. We are very small.

02:37It's because of people like you that the apocalypse even happened!

02:39You should be ashamed of yourselves! Come on, boys!

02:43You two are f***ing pieces of s***.

02:46F*** my s***.

02:48Whoa, that's messed up.

02:49Where did you even learn those words?

02:50That's messed up.

02:51That was too much, Tommy.

02:52I'm a man now, Hank. F*** my s***.

02:56They're not right, right?

02:57No.

02:58Like, we've met some really, really bad people.

03:00Like, we're kind of great in comparison.

03:01It's not people like us that caused the apocalypse.

03:03We would know.

03:04Yeah, I feel like if the universe hated us, we would know.

03:06There'd be a sign.

03:09Was that a bunch of bird pills?

03:10Whoa, I didn't even realize there are still living birds.

03:12Oh my god, dead birds!

03:14You know what?

03:15This doesn't mean anything.

03:16This is just a coincidence.

Apocalypse Goals | show | 2019 | Official Clip

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended