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Gogglebox UK (2013) Season 26 Episode 13
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:02Yeah, right you put a door stop there till he sometimes lift lifts it all
00:14You've not broke anything have you nose
00:23Her flabbers have been gassed you want some of this
00:30Oh, no, there's a controversial statement the gravy
00:36Yeah, yeah, do you like this music no not particularly so suck on that
00:44Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that no chance you oh
00:49Yes, look at that. He's had an absolute feast
00:53Whoa for a banana. This is insane
00:57Well, thank God that sounds like what a day one. It is like putting chicken in a vodka to make this
01:04That's very modern isn't enough you know I saw that coming
01:07No in the week Rachel's budget got revealed a bit too early. We enjoyed lots of great telly
01:15We went back to the 80s for one last time on Netflix
01:18Well last time strange things route I were pregnant with Ezra maybe it's time to have another baby
01:32Whenever there's a new stranger things series things that we're going bump in the night at your house, and it's not the demagogans
01:38There was a big sing-along on BBC one
01:42I said wherever you may be we are the team from the West Country
01:54And we'll fight you all wherever you may be and we'll fight you all in the West Country
02:00Okay
02:01What's the way Bristol Rovers? I'm not a supporter or anything
02:05And Jack Whitehall was being a bit creepy on Prime Video
02:11I could kill you right now if I wanted
02:14But I'm not going to do that
02:16Because I want you to suffer
02:20Just like I did
02:23Do you know what I could have quite easily held a lot of grudges with you you know biting a chunk of me hair out
02:29Smacking me around the head with a washing line pole when we're playing Javeston in the garden
02:34Spitting chewing gum in me hair the night before prom you know, but I haven't
02:38Listen
02:38And you smacked me head off the kitchen side one morning
02:41Yeah
02:41Must saw me lip open
02:42Because you were being an arsehole
02:44And mum went right get in the car
02:47My face was hanging off here
02:50And I was wearing a lovely cream coat with a fur trim from Woolworths
02:54Felt the dog's bollocks
02:55In Wiltshire
03:03So just to put you in the picture
03:05I got up at six
03:06And I had been working for five hours 55 minutes
03:10When you came into the room
03:12As you know I personally handle everything myself with absolutely no help
03:18Giles and his wife Mary
03:20And then you came in
03:22And when you said your room needs to sort out
03:27Hmm
03:27That was enough to actually make me want to kill you
03:32Oh dear
03:32And just as well they have gun laws here
03:34That's the thing about marriage Nutty
03:35Is that tomorrow you won't even remember
03:37Yes but when you do something
03:38Because there'll be a new crisis tomorrow
03:40And that's the nature of marriage
03:41Well you'll find the nature of marriage is different from what you think
03:45Relationship
03:46Relationship goals
03:48Well you're going to the shed
03:49Relationship
03:50You're going to live in the shed you horrible horrible man
03:53On Saturday night the remaining Strictly stars have made the annual trip up north
03:59For this
04:00It's bloody Blackpool week Padders
04:01This is only down road
04:02I know I drove past the vans this morning
04:04Oh
04:05Oh
04:06Oh
04:07Oh
04:07Wait a wots
04:08Oh
04:09Cheers
04:13Wow
04:14I'm on one a night
04:17Look at me
04:19If we can't go out out we stay in in
04:25Hey, I'll tell you who's on tonight page. We're telling me steps. Oh
04:30You've done some black points on I have many times
04:34I've danced in blackpool many times at the ballroom
04:40Do we go here look at all these ones these are the professionals
04:49That's actually a group called steps. No, I thought they'd like died years ago. Why don't they die?
05:00Oh, I like her. I know you do god. It's got a bit energy in it. Yeah, I was gonna say that in it
05:09It's bringing it back to the noughties them white suits. I want a steps makeover. What ever is steps?
05:171960s I think
05:19I
05:25Mean seriously banger to be fair banger. That's a traditional banger and we're gonna go into a steps medley the can't just be doing somewhere alone
05:33I need more oh
05:39Transition to a new step banger. Oh, yes. I love a transition
05:43There she is fresh from Dubai. He's Lisa. This is Lisa is about to sing. Yes, but they're big boots on my place
05:54My thigh-highs behind the other people have a penis
05:56No, no, no
05:58rising my suspicions
06:01I had never
06:03Oh a little bit of filth
06:05Hmm, I don't like those weird movements. They're doing that. What do they signify?
06:10Is it dead wood? I don't think so he wasn't in steps. They still all look good though, don't they?
06:17Yeah, they do. He's nearly 50. Oh, is he? Yes
06:26Oh, I love a bit of that
06:27I
06:30Can do that now is see everything I can do to do it really fast as well because I was together
06:41Oh, I bid a bongos get the judges a
06:46They look sharp as all the judges
06:49It's one for sorrow. Oh, I love one for sorrow
07:05I'm so look like you should be serving canapes
07:13Look at Graham. Oh, it's fucking Graham. Oh, I don't know. What's his name? Graham. That was Graham
07:19Great
07:23I think you do have a look at classes. That's about. Yeah stunning. She's prettier. I'm concerned
07:36That will you know
07:39Oh forget
07:41I feel as I want to get up don't want me. Well, you don't want to do that
07:49Do you know what I bloody love black pill? Hey, I bet you didn't know this but the actual ball ring in black pill
08:01It's got a strong floor that yes, you could play squash on it
08:04I
08:11Think I know this one
08:13This is what everyone who came for this is what people came for
08:17now
08:18tragedy
08:19When the feeling's gone and you can't go on it's tragedy
08:24They've saved the best till last, haven't they
08:28When the feeling's gone and you can't go on it's tragedy
08:34These two are just butchering me
08:36I'm going nowhere
08:41This is the working man's YMCA this
08:44It is
08:53Oh my tits went through
08:55Oh
08:59That's a tragedy piss off
09:03In the Cotswolds
09:05Darling, I've got a surprise
09:06What is that I brought back from my very brief trip to Mexico?
09:10What is in there?
09:11Our friends have had something done for us
09:13Oh god
09:14Andrew and his husband Alfie
09:16I have a great unveil
09:18What is that?
09:25Perkins, what do you think?
09:27Luckily
09:28Perkins looks startled
09:29Lucky he can't speak
09:31Well, darling, it's not bad of me
09:33I think it's
09:34I mean
09:34Well, I'm glad you look all right
09:36I mean
09:37I mean, you look a bit unshaven
09:39What?
09:40I think it's done from a photo
09:42I mean, he's very kind
09:44I wonder where it should go
09:46Downstairs cupboard
09:48On Friday
09:49The BBC brought us news to get us all in the mood
09:52Izzy, do you want apple crumble overnight oats
09:55Or banoffee overnight wheat bisques?
09:58Banoffee overnight wheat bisques
10:00Well, I wanted that one
10:01The last Friday before Black Friday
10:03Even though all the deals have already begun
10:05Yeah, Paige the tip was saying that it's Black Friday today
10:08And it ain't
10:08No, it's next week
10:09No
10:10She's going, you know, I need the credit card because it's Black Friday
10:16Nice try
10:16Yeah, there he goes
10:19Good afternoon, welcome to the BBC News at One
10:22Oh gosh
10:24She looks like Olivia Newton-John
10:26Now we ask it every year
10:28How soon is too soon for the tinsel?
10:31Now's too soon, I'm fucking sick of it
10:33Never too soon for me
10:34Never too soon for me
10:37It's not soon enough, sweetheart
10:39No
10:39I've pulled the trigger
10:41My decks are up
10:42For some, thoughts turn to the tree as soon as Guy Fawkes has cooled off
10:46No, I won't go that far
10:47No, no, no, no, no, no
10:48But for others, digging out the decks too soon can spoil the big day
10:52Well, does it really matter?
10:55I was sitting on a loo in an airport in fucking September and they're playing Jingle Bells
11:01I love it that people treejaculate and put it up early because do you know what?
11:05Winter's miserable enough, stick some fucking festive lights on it and have a nice time
11:10Anna White has been asking shoppers in Hull whether their build-up has started
11:14I feel we could do with a bit of a call this year
11:17I disagree, I think we need more decorations
11:19No, no
11:20It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
11:23Oh, no
11:25Oh, no, that's cute
11:29Well, it certainly is at the garden centre
11:31Ansi garden centre
11:33And you had seen them fucking three things before
11:36I've been to that garden centre
11:38Is it too early to be decked up for Christmas?
11:40Is it bollocks? Next question
11:42No, I don't think so
11:44You're good on you, girl
11:46See, that old lady said she doesn't think so
11:48Oh, well then, we'll go with her, shall we?
11:51I agree
11:51Do you think we're going earlier?
11:53Yeah, I think we are because it's old in the shops earlier, isn't it?
11:57So I think that puts you in the mood
11:58I think it's too early
12:00They've got the Christmas tree up in the hairdressers already
12:03And I was offered a mince pie and a baileys, that was last week
12:07You look like you're dressed to go on Santa's sleigh
12:10That's a bit bloody rude, what do you dress like, dear?
12:12Can I say, you look magnificent
12:14Oh, thank you
12:16But I've seen them in the gardens already
12:18Can't be done with coloured lights
12:19No, no
12:20No, I don't like coloured lights
12:21Just keep it chic, just keep it classy
12:24Yeah, you see, I always veer though
12:26I want to keep it chic and classy
12:28And then I start putting tinsel over paintings
12:30No
12:30My wife, two kids
12:32It's definitely a Christmasy household
12:34But I'm a bit of a scrooge, so
12:36What we want to be asking is a Fiat 500 driver
12:40That's got an eggnog latte in her hand
12:42Yeah
12:42Then we'll see if it's too early
12:44Whatever the reason, is it ever too early?
12:48Yes
12:49No
12:49Amanda White, BBC News
12:52In a surprisingly festive hauncy
12:54Do whatever makes you happy, that's what I say
12:57Oh, I love Christmasy
12:58I don't want it
12:59Wow, it's look incisively Christmassy behind you already
13:02What are you crying for?
13:03Because I just love it
13:04It's a happy time, Jenny
13:06I know it is, I know
13:06I just love it
13:07In Leeds
13:17Well, you'll be pleased to know
13:19That I've treated myself to a new bra
13:22Oh, yeah
13:22Sisters Ellie and Izzy
13:25Because I needed a new black bra
13:26So that my tits weren't all in a jumble
13:28For my Christmas works, Christmas do
13:31Finally
13:31Yeah
13:32Anyway, and you told me that I were a 36 back
13:35Didn't you, from looking at my other bras
13:37So I just went into the supermarket
13:40Found the black bras
13:42Got the cup
13:43Put it up against my boob like that
13:46In the middle of the supermarket?
13:48Yeah, I'm like this
13:49In the supermarket
13:51And I thought, that'll do
13:54Take that
13:54I haven't even tried it on yet
13:55You better hope it's all right
13:56Better try it on tonight
13:57Put it on tonight
13:59Well, I mean, what's worse that can happen?
14:02This week, we went back to the upside down world
14:05With the long-awaited return of this on Netflix
14:08I've waited all year for this now
14:11And I didn't really want to watch it with you
14:12But you're here, so
14:13Shut up
14:14Now, Dad, what you have to remember is that
14:16When this series started
14:18The kids were like 12 years old
14:21Right
14:21They're about 32 now
14:22So you'll have to suspend disbelief a little bit
14:25I've even got Stranger Things pyjamas, Izzy
14:32I'm that much of a superfan, yeah?
14:34Bloody hell
14:35You know, every time I see a Christmas lights now
14:37I can't look at it the same
14:38Yeah! I just think of Stranger Things
14:40Will! Will!
14:41Will, is that you?
14:42Will!
14:43Send me a message!
14:49That's Mike and Nancy's little sister
14:51The baby that is no longer a baby
14:53Holly
14:53I want her outfit
14:54It's cute
14:55What's she saying there?
15:05Who's she waving to?
15:07What is that?
15:07There's a shadow
15:08Holly!
15:12Who's that ass?
15:15Holly!
15:16Bryce!
15:17I've been calling you!
15:18I'm sorry
15:19Nobody's there
15:20Who's she waving at?
15:22I don't know
15:22Right, this is creepy already
15:24Ellie, turn it off
15:25Playtime's over
15:26Come on
15:27She's watching someone again
15:31I wonder what she's seeing
15:32Hi
15:35Who's Holly talking to?
15:37She knows them
15:38She's not scared of them
15:39Oh yeah
15:40Miss Harrison
15:41No one
15:44No one
15:45She's not talking to anyone
15:47Oh, you do that all the time
15:49Yeah, I do
15:49I'm alright in that world
15:51That's it
15:52Standing there talking to nobody
15:54Well, she's hardly the first child
15:57To have an imaginary friend
15:58I wouldn't be so worried
15:59If she was five years old
16:00Oh, the parents are arguing about her being weird
16:03It's causing a kerfuffle
16:04Oh, she's real upset, look
16:10What's Holly crying for?
16:12Well, she's had a bit of a tough day
16:14She's talking to people
16:15And they're not even there
16:16Oh, you know
16:20It's always the lights
16:21It's the lights
16:22When they flick off
16:23It's always the lights
16:23That's the sign
16:24The demigorgon's coming
16:25For their house, is it?
16:26Oh, for fuck's sake
16:27I don't like this
16:28Oh, shit
16:33Oh, it's gonna go down the ceiling
16:34They're here, they're here
16:35They're here
16:36Oh, my God
16:42Oh, it's one of them
16:43It's a gemmy-gum
16:44Oh, whatever
16:45Oh, my God
16:51Oh, it's ruined
16:52We're all off of the show
16:53Oh, my God
16:53She's pissed
17:00Going in the bath, the mother
17:01Oh, look at her
17:02I mean, this is a vibe, though, isn't it?
17:04Never mind your bubble bath pet
17:08Your kids getting hit
17:09And dragged down the bedroom
17:10By the demagogue
17:11Oh, my God
17:11Oh, my God
17:12There's a monster
17:14I can't slow down
17:16Listen to the girl, man
17:18You silly cow
17:19Oh, please
17:20You gotta believe me
17:21You got blood or not?
17:24Blood
17:24There you go
17:25There you go
17:26Thank you
17:26Take her seriously
17:27Oh, my God
17:28What the heck?
17:30Mr. Weirder, get the shotgun
17:32Oh
17:32Here we go
17:39Oh, my God
17:40Where's he gone?
17:44In the suds, ain't they?
17:50Oh, they're gonna die
17:52Are they just holding their breath?
17:53Oh, wow
17:54How long could you hold your breath for, though?
17:56That is a very good question
17:58Whilst panicking
17:59Yeah
17:59It's Ted!
18:06It's Ted with a golf club
18:07Thank God
18:08Oh, shit
18:12There it is
18:12I don't have a good feeling about this
18:14Ted's dead
18:15Stay back
18:16Stay back!
18:17Stay back!
18:20Swipe him, you silly cow
18:22Oh, bloody hell
18:25Oh, it's killed him
18:29Oh
18:30You see what happened when you face it?
18:32Forget that
18:32Oh, she's shit, eh
18:38You never run when your feet are wet
18:39Oh, come on
18:43Get up
18:44Oh, leave her
18:44Oh, please, please
18:45Don't leave
18:46It's her mother
18:47Oh, right
18:50Here he is
18:50Yes
18:54Oh, she's got a ball in
18:55Oh
18:57Straight in the kisser
18:59Yes
19:01The cover is coming
19:03Turn off
19:03She's got a shot
19:04That is hard
19:05This is a five
19:07Whoa
19:08Oh, my God
19:10What's she in?
19:11What's she seeing?
19:15Oh, no, it's her mum
19:18God, Karen's dead, isn't it?
19:19Fucking joking, she's dead
19:20She's dead, isn't it?
19:24Is she still alive?
19:25No
19:25It's gonna be fine
19:26You're gonna be fine
19:28Holly
19:29Holly, where's Holly?
19:31Oh, shit, yeah, where's Holly?
19:36It took Holly
19:37It took her
19:37Oh, we've taken her to the upside down
19:39Jesus Christ, man
19:42I just like how realistic it all is
19:45Oh, it puts stuff in your head
19:47There's no wonder these kids got a cat go to sleep
19:50All the shite to watch
19:52In Solly Hall
19:56Close your eyes
19:58Where are you?
19:59Keep your eyes closed
20:00I'm in the kitchen
20:01Open your eyes
20:02Teresa and her wife, Anita
20:05Oh, yeah
20:06Oh, my God
20:07What do you reckon?
20:15We're gonna have a different colour every night of the week
20:18Yeah, and look, a mixture
20:20Oh, lovely
20:21I'm very, very, very happy
20:25Are you?
20:27No
20:27On Sunday, it was a countdown of the best hymns that took us down memory lane on BBC One
20:34I love school assembly sing-along
20:36I've been getting warmed up
20:37Me and Bobby have been going to mass, haven't we?
20:39This is the big school assembly sing-along
20:42Oh, it's Allie
20:43Oh, Allie did get his face in anyway
20:45Singing
20:45Is there singing in the rain?
20:47No
20:48Allie Jones, they always wheel him out for old singing, don't they?
20:52There'll be riots if Shine Jesus Shine isn't in the top three
20:57There'll be riots from me if Lord of the Dance isn't in it
20:59Oh
21:00That was our wedding song
21:01It was our wedding song
21:02The apples are ripe
21:04The plums are red
21:06The probes are sleeping in a black-a-tea-bear
21:09Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
21:13Hey, listen, we don't remember that
21:16I can now reveal that number two is a traditional hymn
21:20Oh, number two
21:20If this isn't
21:22Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
21:24Switch it off
21:25It is, of course
21:26Give me oil in my lamp
21:29Give me oil in my lamp
21:31This is a tune, man
21:33Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
21:39Give me oil in my lamp, I pray
21:43I pray
21:44Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
21:47Give me oil in my lamp, I pray
21:51Is that meant to be me?
21:52Yes
21:53Oil in my lamp, keep me burning
21:55Keep me burning till the break of day
22:00Sing, Hosanna
22:02Ah, remember this one now
22:03Sing, Hosanna
22:05Sing, Hosanna to the King of Kings
22:09Sing, Hosanna
22:11Sing, Hosanna
22:13Sing, Hosanna to the King
22:16God, this is the most undiverse programme I think I've ever watched
22:19Oh
22:20Sing, me oil in my lamp, keep me singing
22:24Sing, I'm kind of over after the first verse of everything
22:26Are you, yes
22:27You feel I've done that, been there, right
22:30Let's move on
22:30Sing, me sing, me till the break of day
22:35Look at that face
22:37That's like, oh
22:38You were brought up with girls like that
22:40With faces like that
22:42Yes
22:42Normal people
22:44Normal
22:45Sing, Hosanna
22:47Sing, Hosanna
22:49Sing, Hosanna to the King
22:52Of King
22:53Sing, Hosanna
22:55Sing, Hosanna
22:58Sing, Hosanna to the King
23:00Of King
23:01So glorating
23:02Oh wow
23:03You went all sister act then
23:05Wow
23:07Sing, Hosanna
23:09Sing, Hosanna to the King
23:11Sing, Hosanna
23:15That was a right old hymn hoedown, innit
23:17Yeah
23:17I actually feel like I've just been in assembly
23:20With my father
23:21Yeah
23:22I tell you what
23:23Bollocks to your Oasis tickets at 450 quid a pop
23:27Get me in there
23:28Yeah, that's my Oasis
23:29Isn't it funny
23:30You forget what you've had for breakfast
23:32But you never forget them words
23:34What did you have for breakfast?
23:35I don't know
23:35In Blackpool
23:45I tell you what
23:46The kids
23:47They're so much like me and Paige
23:49Jimmy's like me
23:50Whereas Eva
23:51100 mile an hour
23:52Always wanting to be doing something
23:54Like Paige
23:55She comes alive at night
23:56Pete
23:57And his little sister Sophie
23:59Eva is like you in some respects though
24:01Because remember when mum gave her 50p
24:03For the charity buckets
24:05And everyone else put their money in
24:06And then we looked at Eva's hand
24:08And her knuckles were almost white
24:11Yeah
24:11From clinging on to a 50p piece
24:13Well she's not daft is she?
24:15Apple never falls far from the tree
24:17On Friday night
24:19Animals were getting up to all sorts on Discovery
24:22Drunk animals are quite funny
24:24I know it's not right
24:26That's because of the generation you were born into
24:29Because you had the PG tips monkeys
24:32Yeah, smoking monkeys
24:33Smoking monkeys
24:34That's not okay
24:35It's not okay
24:36Drunk bears
24:41It's happening
24:42I've seen drunk monkeys
24:43They get drunk
24:44Yeah
24:45I've seen monkeys taking away a bottle
24:47Oh, do you remember that friend of us?
24:48Oh yeah
24:49The monkey was taking booze out of our house the whole time
24:51And the toothpaste
24:52And the toothpaste
24:53Probably to get rid of the smell of the booze
24:55So nobody else knew
24:56In the program we met wildlife expert Forrest off to meet a bear
25:00And now we're pulling into Bowser's Peace Sanctuary
25:03Which is where the guy named Stanton
25:06Who was apparently an alcoholic
25:08Has a bear that was also an alcoholic
25:10What?
25:11How does a bear get a corkscrew?
25:13Like
25:13And the two helped each other overcome their addictions
25:18What is this like an AA meeting?
25:20In the woods
25:22An AA meeting in the woods between a bear and a man
25:25I hear that you have a bear
25:28Roo roo
25:29Shit
25:30Lupin
25:33It's a bear
25:34You want to come and meet him and share some time with him
25:37And you'll experience the stuff I can't explain
25:40What? Meet the who?
25:41Is he talking about come and meet the bear?
25:42He must be joking
25:44What? You want me to go in there with him?
25:47An angry recovering alcoholic bear
25:50So guys
25:50We are going in with a live bear here
25:52Okay
25:53Your energy and your body language is super important
25:56Very calm
25:57Very smooth
25:58Very gentle
25:59That's how we want to be with him
26:00Got it?
26:01How about I just record you from
26:02A distance
26:03From a distance
26:04Yeah
26:04Hey, hey, hey, bear
26:06Hey, buddy
26:08Hi
26:09Jesus Christ
26:11He's brave, isn't he?
26:12To be fair
26:13No, no
26:13He looks like a nice bear
26:14He's a changed bear
26:15Yeah
26:16Sobriety has done him a lot of good
26:19He's done wonders of good for the bear
26:20Boris, you can give him a treat just right
26:22Oh, look at that
26:23I thought he might take your finger off
26:25No
26:25Or another finger off
26:26Oh, he's got one finger gone already
26:28He's missing a finger
26:30Index
26:30Index is gone
26:31No, that was a different
26:33Different day
26:34Different day?
26:37I heard that you had a problem
26:39With addiction and depression
26:40And that he had a problem with addiction
26:42Can you clarify that for me?
26:44Oh
26:44Oh, look
26:45Is he having a coffee?
26:46Somewhere along there, Bowser came
26:48And showed me a whole different life
26:50That I didn't even know was possible
26:52Oh, my God
26:54He's just giving you a hug
26:56Is that sweet or is he trying to kill him?
26:58No, no
26:58He's having a hug
26:59Oh, my God
27:00That bear's getting a bit rough in it
27:02He's getting a bit chokeholdy
27:03That bear
27:04And I met Bowser
27:05And what that turned into
27:07Was an understanding how
27:08Look, I mean
27:09He's got his head right by his mouth
27:12How that connection can help us
27:14Wrong
27:14And he's showing off
27:17So I'm going to have to be a daddy
27:18He's showing off
27:20So I'm going to have to be a daddy
27:21Oh, I'm not liking this, Chase, sir
27:25Yeah, yeah
27:25Easy
27:26Talk me through what you're doing
27:28He's wrestling a bear
27:30Oh, my God
27:31What I'm actually doing here
27:32Is grappling with the bear
27:36I'm trying to see
27:37Fucking life
27:38I'm laying him down
27:40Yeah
27:40If I can get to his belly
27:42Yeah
27:42He's going to be in his belly in a minute
27:44Jesus
27:44No, this ain't real
27:46This ain't real
27:47I'm going to show him to his boss
27:49Tickle, tickle, tickle
27:50Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
27:52No, easy
27:55This is getting a bit fucking silly now
27:58Oh, here he goes
28:00He's trying to eat your head
28:01Just a word of warning
28:02He's trying to eat your head
28:04He's got his head in his mouth
28:08No
28:09This is our love
28:10Okay
28:11It's fucking brushing him now
28:13This is how he
28:14This is how he communicates
28:15Get out of there now
28:17Because this is too much
28:18I don't want anything to love me that much
28:20Do you?
28:20No
28:21I mean, it's meant that he's only ever bitten
28:23One of Stanton's fingers off
28:25Yeah
28:26You know, that's only really what he's done
28:28But that is a small price to pay for love
28:30In South East London
28:35Do you know, I love you in that black T-shirt
28:38You look quite sexy with that under your shirt
28:41Do I?
28:41Yeah
28:42Annie and her husband, Ronnie
28:44It reminds me of the days
28:46We're reminiscing a bit here, isn't we?
28:48I know
28:49You ain't forgot
28:50You used to have a black T-shirt
28:53And you used to have your love beads around it
28:56That's it
28:57Except your hair was down your back
28:59Yeah, well
29:00Not now, is it?
29:01No
29:01Your hair's just not there
29:03I can't even get it to go down my ears
29:07Let alone anything else
29:08On Monday
29:10More con artists were up to no good on BBC One
29:13Until the boys changed my privacy settings on Facebook
29:17I was getting lots of messages
29:18Oh, were you?
29:20From American soldiers
29:21Wanted to chat with me
29:26You're off your head
29:27This isn't any old scam interceptors
29:33It's a celebrity scam interceptors
29:36They do have the celebrity version of everything now, don't they?
29:39Well, celebrities, you know, they don't discriminate
29:41They can be scammed as well
29:43What I do is I go on my online banking and think I've been scammed
29:47Then I look at the transactions and realise they're all me
29:50Today in the Glasgow Scam Hub
29:53Glasgow Scam Hub?
29:54Yeah
29:54Wow, I didn't know there was one there
29:56There's a new member of the team
29:58Celebrity Scam Interceptor Amanda Holden
30:02Amanda Holden!
30:04What's Mandy doing here?
30:06Scammers have been using her image to trick people out of money
30:09Oh!
30:11Yes, I've read that
30:13Identity for all
30:14Yes!
30:15I can't stand injustice
30:17And my family and friends say I'm always up for a fight
30:21She looks like she's always up for a fight, didn't she?
30:24She's like you, Mary
30:25She likes to catch culprits
30:26Yeah
30:27So I put your name in to see where are these profiles lurking
30:29I was amazed at how many other profiles were actually there
30:32There were hundreds
30:34Are these Amanda Holden?
30:35Yeah!
30:36Fucking hell!
30:37So I'd like to ask you if you would recognise this picture at all
30:41Well, yes, that's me
30:42It was in Dubai
30:43Oh!
30:43Oh, pick that one out!
30:45That was one of the pictures that one of the scammers were using
30:47Wow
30:47But I said, can you please send me a video to verify your identity?
30:51Ah, this is where they get caught out because they can't send a video, can they?
30:54And they did
30:55What?
30:56Well, he's got one
30:57I am Amanda Holden
30:59Obviously, I am real
31:03Wow!
31:04They've made a video out of the photo room
31:06That's crazy, isn't it?
31:09Isn't it crazy?
31:10And I am shocked you would not believe this is true
31:13Don't sound out like it
31:14Uncle Barry's had it all the time on Bloody AI
31:17Turning pictures into videos
31:19Have you not seen him, do we?
31:21Yeah, I have
31:22Making Auntie Margaret riding horses and stuff like that
31:24And we've got something now that we're going to show you, Amanda
31:27Because, Amanda, it's time for you to meet
31:29Scamander
31:30Scamander Holden
31:32Scamander
31:32Why are you making it sound sexy?
31:34I don't know
31:35And I've got one little treat for you
31:37And I have this guy on WhatsApp
31:39What?
31:41No
31:41Oh, call him
31:43Taking on the role of superfan Stephen
31:45I message the scammer
31:48Oh, here we go
31:48This is so cool
31:50Here we go
31:51What?
31:53Reply straight away
31:54Oh, keyed
31:56You can use a voice note if you want to say something today
31:58So you need to say, I'm in the bank now
32:01You see, that will get him to chat
32:03Yes, Amanda, let's talk
32:05Yes
32:05That will get him to chat
32:07Hey, Amanda, I don't know what to do with this money
32:10I don't know where it goes
32:12Can you just call me, babe?
32:13Babe
32:13Can you call me?
32:15He's a superfan, he's pretending
32:17He's scamming the scammer
32:18He's scamming Scamander
32:19Will you talk to my manager?
32:21Because I'm busy and can't take calls now
32:23To be honest with you, that probably would be something Amanda would say as well
32:26Imagine if it really is Amanda's manager
32:28My heart is racing
32:30This is how I feel just before the thing goes back on Britain's Got Talent
32:35Oh, she always has to get something done, she
32:37Amanda, is that your manager?
32:39Is that your manager?
32:40Oh, right
32:40This is brilliant, isn't it?
32:42Is Amanda there, I've got her money?
32:46Yeah, okay, you've got her money, this is the instruction
32:48We're going to send you an address right now
32:50Imagine that, so straightforward
32:52Not even like lower lines, say, oh, like, yeah, I'll guide you through it
32:56Whatever
32:56Yeah, this is the instructions
32:57I've got the bank staff here
33:01They're just going to check the address
33:03Amanda's talking to him now
33:05What's she going to do?
33:06She's going to pretend to be the bank manager
33:07Oh, my God
33:09Hello, good afternoon
33:10I just want to check the amount of money that Amanda needs
33:14Look at Amanda, she sounds like a cashier, doesn't she?
33:17In the bank, hello, sir
33:18Yeah, yeah
33:19She needs about £10,000 for the investment
33:21How much?
33:22£10,000?
33:24Okay, sir
33:25Can I let you know my name so you know who you're dealing with?
33:30Yeah, let me know your name
33:31Yeah, go on, go on
33:33Drum roll
33:34Dun, dun, dun
33:35My name is Amanda Holden
33:37Oh, shit
33:39You little fucker
33:41I know everything about you
33:44Oh, he's uncle
33:45He's uncle
33:46Bah
33:47And just like that, the scam's over
33:49Yeah
33:49Yes!
33:52Look at her face
33:53Look at her face
33:54Look at her face
33:54She's absolutely steaming
33:57Oh, you little
34:00That says, you little shit
34:01I know everything about you
34:04Well done, Amanda
34:06Good girl
34:07All's he'll do now is shut that account down and pop up as Alicia Dixon
34:11Yeah
34:11In Hall
34:20I think you've done real well, Lee, in a week
34:23It's good
34:24What are you looking at?
34:25You must ask
34:25Best friends, Jenny and Lee
34:28Do you know something?
34:28I keep forgetting I've got it
34:30Do you?
34:30I was talking to somebody yesterday in the cabinet
34:32You're not like staring at me
34:33But what are you looking at?
34:35No, it's grown
34:36That's when you said, oh, you look like an 80s porn star
34:39Really?
34:41I won't go that far
34:43This week, it was a surprising all-star turnout for a brand new drama on Prime Video
34:49Because you've got to tell who's in this and all
34:52It's David Duchovny
34:54Out to the X-Files
34:55Sir
34:55Remember him?
34:57No, I can't
34:58With Gillian Anderson
34:59I don't know where
35:00She was iconic, didn't she?
35:02Well, I can't remember
35:03You don't take anything in, do you, at all?
35:05But I don't even remember watching it
35:07There's Jack
35:11Hi
35:12I remember him now
35:14I hope they made Jack Whitehall look really sexy
35:19Everybody's looking sexy at the moment
35:20I think it's the testosterone gel
35:22It's worrying
35:23You need to just monitor that, Mum
35:25Oh, US Customs
35:30Nobody wants to go through US Customs
35:31Have you done your Esther?
35:33Come with me, please, sir
35:34Sure
35:35Oh, Jesus, he's only just arrived
35:38Hopefully they don't get the old club out
35:40My name's Nikki Delgado
35:42I'm an agent with the Department of Homeland Security
35:44Oh, this sounds a bit ominous
35:45Do you know the Tanner family?
35:48And a man called Jamie Tanner?
35:50Yes
35:50Yes, he knows him
35:51He's a bit too calm for me
35:53I spent the last month working for him and living in his house
35:56OK, what's happened to Jamie Tanner?
35:59Well
35:59What's she showing him?
36:02Jamie Tanner, is he dead?
36:04This is horrible
36:05What's horrible?
36:06Think someone's toast, Paris
36:08But in a way, I'm not surprised
36:09Why am I not surprised?
36:12Well, what is it?
36:13That's a strange comment, isn't it?
36:14Jamie Tanner was not a very nice man
36:16Oh
36:17Neither was Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street
36:20She was a bugger
36:22Malice
36:28Is it not a name?
36:30No
36:31Malice is a type of meaning
36:33Like a palace
36:35No
36:36Oh, now that looks nice
36:43Don't forget we've gone back in time now
36:44Oh, no
36:46Hang on a minute
36:46What?
36:48I'm going back in time
36:49Look at that bud
36:54He's got a six pack and everything
36:56God, I can get to that very easily
36:59Go on then
37:00Hi
37:02You must be Jamie
37:03Yeah
37:03Adam
37:04So nice to meet you
37:05What an amazing place this is
37:07How long have you had it?
37:0910 or 12 years
37:10Already bad vibes
37:11You're here to tutor Millie?
37:13Yeah, just a bit
37:13A tutor
37:14Oh, I had a couple of them
37:17They didn't do much for you, did the math?
37:19English
37:20French
37:21Wasted time
37:24A bit later
37:25And Jack had picked up a couple of octopuses for dinner
37:28Oh
37:31Oh my God
37:33He's unhinged
37:34Daniel, I don't like him
37:35He's scaring me
37:36He's really giving me the eebie-jeebs
37:38Ah!
37:42That's octopus
37:43Oh
37:44Gross
37:46Very gross
37:47Yeah
37:48Love to fucking gut you and hang you on a line
37:50What?
37:51What the fucking hell?
37:56Is he a psychopath?
37:57That's not normal
37:58Oh really?
38:00Oh, yeah
38:00I'm out
38:01Get me out of here
38:02Get me out of here
38:03Travelodge
38:04Travelodge
38:05Literally
38:05Travelodge
38:06I think if we're able to shake off Damien for the night
38:09Maybe we should try out that place
38:11Oh
38:12Your kind of establishment?
38:18Oh, it's CD
38:19Oh, is it a strip club?
38:24Knew it!
38:25Dirty bar
38:26Do you know they do lessons in that now?
38:28Night school
38:29I was going to
38:30Yeah, I was going to join
38:31What?
38:33Two years ago
38:33I was
38:34Two sambucas, please
38:35Sambuca
38:36Oh, no
38:37Yamas
38:38Yamas
38:40Yamas
38:42Yasso
38:42Pouring his away
38:46Getting him pissed
38:47Why is he doing it?
38:48Why is he trying to get Jamie pissed?
38:50And I used to do that at all
38:51Oh, you lying
38:52Get out
38:53I've never seen you tip a drink out
38:54We've all been there
39:00I've crawled down my drive a few times
39:03But not all the way home
39:04You always crawl
39:05Yeah, in fact, I do crawl a lot when I'm drunk
39:11Yeah
39:11Oh, no, this is creepy
39:16Jack's got him where he wants him, Natty
39:18What does Jack want to do to him?
39:21This is Nat tomorrow night when I get in from Christmas due
39:26Waiting for me to go up to bed
39:28I could kill you right now if I wanted
39:31Oh, no
39:32A what?
39:32But why does he even consider that?
39:35But I'm not going to do that
39:37Oh, well, what are you going to do then, you weirdo?
39:39What a nasty piece of work he's turned out to be
39:42The cosy manny
39:44Because I want you to suffer
39:46Oh, hello, what?
39:48Now, this sounds revengeful
39:51There is something
39:51Doesn't it?
39:52Just like I did
39:53It's a vendetta
39:55Ooh
39:56For what?
39:59Oh, frigging hell
40:00Now I've got to sit here all night working out all's all
40:04All's all
40:05And what's the connection?
40:06And what's the connection?
40:07It's very unlikely that Jack Whitehall be a serial killer
40:11I mean, it makes it rather unpleasant to watch
40:15Beggar's belief
40:16It's almost as if you had Queen Elizabeth II being a psycho killer
40:20You know, Jack Whitehall?
40:24Of course not
40:25It's unlikely, isn't it?
40:28In Leeds
40:30Have you seen her of Aunty Margaret since she's been back off her halls?
40:33So, she called round last night
40:35She didn't come in, she just stood at the door
40:37Because she'd been sorting out her Katie's
40:39Sisters Ellie and Izzy
40:41Margaret didn't have a right lot to say
40:43I can't believe, since Margaret's come back off holiday
40:47None of us have heard anything off her
40:49Where's she been?
40:51Been to Selby with Barry
40:52Yeah, bloody
40:53Her and Barry being out for a drive
40:54God, you'd think she'd have had enough of him
40:57After spending 11 nights with him
40:59I think I'd want to strangle Toby after 11 nights on holiday with him just us two
41:03Never mind, go for a drive to Selby
41:06I know
41:07Bloody hell, Margaret, put Barry down
41:10She can't get enough of him
41:12This week, the world's sexiest man was putting us to sleep on the BBC
41:17I'm keeping the remote
41:19I know, why are you keeping the remote?
41:20Because you won't let me watch it
41:22Oh, God
41:23Will you sit still?
41:25Oh, giddy!
41:27CBeebies Bedtime Story
41:30We're watching C-fucking-Beebies
41:32Hello
41:33I'm Jonathan
41:34Oh, hello
41:35Jonathan
41:36I know who you are
41:38Oh, calm down
41:39I'm not calming down
41:41It's bedtime
41:42Do you love magic?
41:43Oh, yeah, I love magic, Jonathan
41:45He's just been crowned the most sexiest man 2025
41:48Christ almighty, I'm dying to watch this then, Julie
41:51Yeah, me too
41:53Oh, he's doing this for the mums, isn't he?
41:56Is he?
41:57Well, I'm so mad
41:58I'd love to be able to cast spells like witches and wizards
42:02Oh, he's got a lovely voice
42:03It has got a nice voice, hasn't he?
42:05It's rather smoothy, very lovely
42:06It'd be good for telephone sex if you went into that
42:09And if I was magical, do you know what I'd do right now?
42:13What?
42:13I think you're magical, Jonathan
42:15Oh, please, can you get a grip?
42:18You know, if I was magical, you won't be fucking sat in there
42:20You won't be telling bedtime stories
42:23I'd conjure up a cute, cuddly little friend
42:27to sit here with me while I read you a bedtime story
42:30I bet you would
42:32That's me!
42:33I'm cute, I'm cuddly, I'm the one you want
42:36There he is
42:40Ladies
42:41Maybe I am magic after all
42:44I think you are
42:46No, I see, I can't cope with this
42:47Oh, what are you talking about?
42:49Is he? Look at Jonathan's bulge
42:51Bloody hell
42:54I love a jeans bulge
42:55Do you?
42:58Now, we're ready for a magical bedtime
43:01Oh
43:02So, snuggle up
43:04and get ready for an exciting adventure
43:07Okay
43:07Snuggle up
43:08I'm getting snuggled, Jonathan
43:10I think you should go home
43:12and watch this
43:13It's called Room on the Broom
43:14Room on the Broom
43:16Room on the Broom
43:17Room on my broom, mate
43:19Oh, for fuck's sake
43:20And it was written by Julia Donaldson
43:24Julia Donaldson
43:25One of my favourite actual authors, that
43:27Julia Donaldson
43:28She writes kids' books
43:30Yeah
43:30With illustrations by Axel Scheffler
43:33Say Axel Scheffler, Steve
43:35Axel Scheffler
43:37Not bad
43:39The witch had a cat
43:41And a very tall hat
43:43And long ginger hair
43:45Which she wore in a plait
43:47The witch is ginger like me
43:49Yeah, she looks a bit like you
43:50And how the cat spat
43:51That's insulting
43:53How the cat purred
43:55Oh, purred
43:58What is going on here
44:00You know, this is definitely not bedtime story
44:03And how the witch grinned
44:05I'm lost and transfixed by this
44:07He could be reading the Bible for all I know
44:09Then, out of the bushes
44:11On thundering paws
44:13You don't have to look at the pictures
44:16You just listen to his voice
44:17The dog with the hat in his jaws
44:19He dropped it politely
44:22Then eagerly said
44:24Bent over and pick it up
44:25Banana
44:27I am a dog
44:29As keen as can be
44:31Is there room on the broom
44:32For a dog like me?
44:34Are you attracted to him?
44:36Well, I think he's quite entertaining
44:37You wouldn't throw him out
44:39That tells me I'm not
44:40The right age group
44:41To go out with him
44:42However
44:43My only
44:45Thing I have against this
44:47Is I'm dreading it ending
44:49She dropped it politely
44:50And bent her head low
44:52Go on
44:53Then said
44:54As the witch tied her plait in a bow
44:56I am a bird
44:58I'm a bird
44:59As green as can be
45:01Is there room on the broom
45:03For a bird like me?
45:04Yes
45:05Is there room on your broom
45:06For a bird like me?
45:09They shut through the sky
45:11To the back of beyond
45:12The witch clutched her bow
45:15But let go of her wand
45:17So now the wand's gone now
45:20So who's going to find the wand now?
45:22You two invested in it
45:24Then
45:24All of a sudden
45:26From out of a pond
45:27Leapt a dripping wet frog
45:30With a dripping wet wand
45:32A dripping wet wand?
45:35Oh for God's sake
45:37That's a bit much
45:39I tell you what
45:40You'd be paying £2.50 a minute
45:41If this were on Babes station
45:43Over the moors
45:45And the mountains they flew
45:47The frog jumped for joy
45:49And
45:50Oh
45:51What's that?
45:53The broom snapped in two
45:54Oh my days
45:56Oh the last thing you want to do
45:57Is snap your broom mid-flight
45:59The witch was so kind
46:02To let the dog
46:03The bird
46:03And the frog
46:04Join her and the cat
46:06On the broom
46:06Yeah
46:07I wonder if there's room on the broom
46:08For a Jonathan like me
46:10Goodnight
46:11I don't think so
46:13Oh
46:16Damn
46:17Night night Lee
46:19Night night
46:20Well Sandy's doing the Riviera by rail
46:27Toxwig takes the train tomorrow
46:29At five past eight
46:30And we've got new drama
46:32A true story from the troubles
46:34Maxine Peake and Lola Petticrew
46:36In say nothing
46:37Beginning Monday at nine
46:39Stay with us here on Channel 4
46:40The Last Leg is on the way next
46:42The Last Leg is on the way next
46:44The Last Leg is on the way next
46:45The Last Leg is on the way next
46:46The Last Leg is on the way next
46:47The Last Leg is on the way next
46:48The Last Leg is on the way next
46:49The Last Leg is on the way next
46:50The Last Leg is on the way next
46:51The Last Leg is on the way next
46:52The Last Leg is on the way next
46:53The Last Leg is on the way next
46:54The Last Leg is on the way next
46:55The Last Leg is on the way next
46:56The Last Leg is on the way next
46:57The Last Leg is on the way next
46:58The Last Leg is on the way next
46:59The Last Leg is on the way next
47:00The Last Leg is on the way next
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