Brazzaville Teen-Ager, directed by Michael Cera

ShowTime Vault FX

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Transcript

00:00How's your father doing?

00:08They don't know right now.

00:09Later they'll see.

00:11He's got to be kept stretched out indefinitely.

00:14They don't know anything.

00:15He's a classy guy, Irv.

00:17And a hot guy.

00:18He's not so hot right now.

00:21He just kind of collapsed into himself accordion style.

00:25Pinched off nerves.

00:26Never heard of pain like this.

00:29All my life I thought a deathbed scene would be the thing that united us.

00:32We would clutch each other.

00:34He would drop his goddamn lifelong cool and tell me what it was all about.

00:40Philosophy.

00:41Other women.

00:42Was mom any good in bed?

00:43Can he still get it up?

00:45How much dough does he have to the penny?

00:48Is death a breeze?

00:51Are you scared?

00:55How's it feel, Dad?

00:56It's no picnic.

01:00You're 100% better off without this kid.

01:05To tell you the truth, I think I'm finished.

01:07What are they saying?

01:09They don't know.

01:10This one gives you one pill, and they give you another.

01:17They're nice guys.

01:19They think nothing of treating a man older than they are.

01:22Way older.

01:22I've got to be 30, 35 years older than that fella just came in here.

01:29I told him that yesterday, and he laughed.

01:33He sees the comedy.

01:37You'd be surprised.

01:38Well, you'll be out of here in no time.

01:41It's his knuckles I keep thinking about.

01:45The contraptions don't bother me.

01:47Somehow he can get free of them.

01:49His knuckles were the tip-off, though.

01:51Once your knuckles are out of hand, you're washed up.

01:55Your father can deal with it.

01:57He is a tough guy, Irv.

02:00And a classy guy, too.

02:01And then I got this idea that if I can somehow debase myself, do something painful beyond belief,

02:09the most embarrassing act I can imagine, only then will he recover.

02:15Your head.

02:17And the way you see things.

02:21How many guys have a head like that?

02:24How many guys?

02:26Trust me, Dougie.

02:26I wish I never had this idea.

02:29I'd like to tear it from my head.

02:31The things that come out of you.

02:35I'd love.

02:52It's laying there.

03:01Yes.

03:24Hello, sir.

03:25Sir, can I just get a word in before we get started?

03:28I've got this thing going on.

03:30My father is very sick.

03:32They don't know if it's bad or not.

03:35He's whittled all the way down.

03:37There are force feedings and he could get the weight back, but they don't know.

03:41And his knuckles are bad.

03:44I'm sorry.

03:45I've never really asked you for anything, but I've got this one favor to ask.

03:51Okay.

03:57Mr. Hartman, the only thing that can possibly save dad, my father, is if you sing the backup

04:07vocals on a Khalees recording, doing the ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoos and every other line on the chorus.

04:13I'm not following any of this.

04:14I'm sorry.

04:15I'm going to try harder to be clear.

04:17The song is called Brazzaville Teenager.

04:19It's Khalees writing a letter to her boyfriend saying how nice it was to spend the summer together

04:26and how sad she is now that he's been sent off and stationed in Brazzaville.

04:31She's doing a whole album on the world's trouble spots.

04:35She has a song called Far Off Timbuktu, which was supposed to be Far Off Molly,

04:40but I guess Khalees got nervous that it sounded like a lesbian thing.

04:44A lesbian thing?

04:44But in any case, Mr. Hartman, you'd only be involved in this one track, okay?

04:49You're still not coming through.

04:51What's a lesbian thing got to do with your father's sickness?

04:56I've learned that if I get you to do this one thing,

05:01which is, of course, way out of your line, dad will recover.

05:05What do you mean you've learned?

05:07I know it, sir.

05:09Can we just leave the logic part aside?

05:11I'm just asking you to do this.

05:13Believe me, it's no fun asking.

05:15I wish I could tell you what I feel like.

05:16It's like I've got a giant pebble in my shoe.

05:19A giant pebble?

05:20Well, a rock, a small, a large rock.

05:23Could, would you just please, Mr. Hartman, just please consider doing it?

05:27I feel like I've got one, no questions asked, favor coming after five years.

05:32You do me a favor, Gunther.

05:36Go back to your desk and forget you ever made this little speech.

05:40If you can manage that, I promise I'll try to forget it.

05:55Thank you, sir.

05:56Well, at least I asked him.

06:12If I got myself to say something like that to a boss,

06:15there's no limit to what I could do.

06:16I'm going to go to the club and bring, um, what's that?

06:44You know, there's something interesting that's, like, different.

06:48Uh, there's a couple of things.

06:50And we're going to get our response.

06:58I need to go.

07:00I need to go.

07:00No, it's a very special place together, you know?

07:03I need to go.

07:05I need to go.

07:06Crazy about that.

07:07Yeah, I'm sorry.

07:08Yeah, so, we're going to be in the end, and I'm a guest.

07:10I've never been there before in my life.

07:22Well, what is it?

07:27Sir, has a bit of a lost sheep look about him, doesn't he?

07:32In search of Bo Peep.

07:36You'll have to forgive Dr. Schwartz.

07:38He has trouble keeping his untrammeled sense of humor in tow.

07:44I'll try to rein myself in.

07:49Because really, I've never asked you for a thing, and this would mean so very much.

07:52Now, Gunther, we discussed this.

07:53Look, I don't know what it would be like if my father died.

07:56Maybe I'd be casual.

07:57All I know is that I saw him, and I think he weighs 100 pounds,

08:01and I really want to have him around.

08:03Not that we ever exchanged two words that ever meant a goddamn thing.

08:07Hell, I've talked more intimately with you, Mr. Hartman,

08:10and you know how I've kept my distance the last five years.

08:13Anyway, I really don't want to lose him.

08:16You should see the way they've got him rigged up, these young guys.

08:19There's nothing left of him.

08:20Gunther, I've been in the publishing business for 33 years.

08:26Anyone will tell you I've never fired a man on the spot.

08:29Darling, why don't you just go along with him?

08:31The poor fella's obviously very upset.

08:35My husband told me all about it, Gunther,

08:38and I found the whole story very lovely and strange and dear.

08:43Oh, go on, Jacob.

08:45It could be fun for you.

08:48It might wet your whistle.

08:50Now, what is it you want again, Gunther?

09:03For you to do the ooh-hoo's and every other line on the chorus.

09:09The producer will be there, and he'll clue you in.

09:12Oh, Christ.

09:14Thank you so much.

09:15Thank you, thank the both of you.

09:19Thank you, Mrs. Hartman.

09:20God, sometimes you'll just meet a person out of the clear blue sky,

09:24and they'll just go along with you,

09:26no matter how crazy you sound.

09:36Hey, brother.

09:37Right there.

09:39Right there.

09:42Mmm.

09:44Yeah, I'm pregnant.

09:47Whoa, whoa.

09:48Conrad, hi.

09:49What's up, son?

09:49How you doing, man?

09:50I'm good.

09:51How you doing?

09:51It's nice to see you again, man.

09:53You too.

09:53Listen, listen, you know what?

09:54I want to tell you that article you did on me, I loved it.

09:57I loved it, man.

09:57You made me sound like I knew what I was talking about.

10:00I'm going to tell you this.

10:01I love myself more after I read it.

10:04What you doing on this side of town?

10:06You get lost?

10:06No, actually, no.

10:07I have to ask you a favor.

10:09I'll go right into it.

10:10You hummed a track in my ear,

10:12Brazzaville Teenager.

10:13Yeah, we're rolling on Brazzaville right now.

10:14Right.

10:15Well, I want you to let my friend work in with Khalees.

10:19You know, the oo-oo-hoo's?

10:21What you're saying?

10:21You got just a little friend.

10:22You want a quick music credit.

10:23You don't want to mess around with the monkey business.

10:25Something like that.

10:26That's easy, baby.

10:27That's easy.

10:28How fast can you get here?

10:28I mean, we're in a nice groove.

10:29I have my...

10:30Mr. Hartman.

10:32Let me go.

10:34Mr. Hartman, this is my friend, Conrad.

10:36How do you do?

10:43My heart.

10:46Your heart.

10:50One heart.

10:50So much love.

11:04So much love.

11:06So let's run on this, man.

11:07You go with the woo-woo-woo-woo-hoo's?

11:08Yes.

11:09Okay, yeah.

11:09Let's go do this now.

11:10Yeah.

11:15So you say no.

11:16Yeah, you're right.

11:18That's going to be my new word from now on, okay?

11:20I'm going to use that all the time, all right?

11:21Don't let him look at me.

11:23No.

11:24And you realize this is weird?

11:25Yes.

11:26There you go.

11:27Here you go.

11:28Yeah?

11:28Figure it out.

11:33Hey.

11:33All right, man.

11:34Look, we're going to keep you back here, all right?

11:36Listen, can you do me a favor?

11:38Keep your eyes off Cleese, all right?

11:39Just don't pay that much attention, you know what I mean?

11:42Yeah.

11:43Listen, can you, um, can you girl it at all?

11:45What do you mean?

11:47You know, like a little falsetto thing, because if we can get that working, man, we can cut

11:50through all that string stuff I'm planning on using.

11:52Look, so, you know what?

11:53Let's try that.

11:54On this first pass, you do the little high-pitched little boy thing, and if it works, we can use

11:58it.

11:59If everything's good, I'm going to try one.

12:10All right, let's get this going.

12:13It's easy.

12:14Yeah, easy.

12:15It's easy.

12:15All right, let's try one.

12:18Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

12:48ORCHESTRA PLAYS

14:18I need you, baby.

14:20Flat, baby.

14:21What?

14:22You were flat.

14:23You're out of key.

14:25You're singing.

14:28You sure?

14:29You know what?

14:30Let me play something bad for you so you can hear what we're talking about.

14:32Now I'm just going to isolate you, alright?

14:39Now I'm just going to isolate you, alright?

14:41Ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ah, aaaah

14:55To love yourself

14:57And now me

14:58In my heart I believe

15:00You will never be

15:02You told me

15:04Baby, try to understand

15:06I come back

15:31Let's try another

15:36I just hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience

15:44Let's not go into it

15:54Music really gets to you though

15:56I can't get rid of it

15:58I'll probably be up all night with it

16:06Music really gets to you

16:12You know what I like about this place?

16:14They do all these things for you

16:16And they don't charge you a cent

16:20Well look

16:22They gotta get paid

16:24Otherwise

16:26How would they run the place?

16:28Well the important thing is that you're on your feet

16:38What?

16:44I think I wanted something

16:46Everybody makes mistakes

16:48Top men in the country

16:50Yes

16:52I think

16:54That's a big thing

16:58That's a big thing

17:00It is a big thing

17:02It's a big thing

17:04It's a big thing

18:06You son of a bitch!

18:21You don't want to have to go through to get you on your goddamn feet!

18:29You son of a bitch!

18:59You son of a bitch!

19:29Hey, hey, hey, what's up guys?

19:36It's Mike C.

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