- 20 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:25Everything changed for me the day Damilore Taylor died
00:30That was it that changed everything
00:40I remember the day vividly
00:47I came off the bus and
00:49Literally as soon as I got off the bus you could see a blue flashing light
00:53And then obviously as I got closer it became more brighter
00:57And they locked off this whole road
00:59And the police officer just told me you can't come here
01:03A kid just died
01:05So I got home now
01:07And then just opened the door
01:09And then my mum was like
01:11Was to shout out my Nigerian name which I'm not gonna say
01:15And she's just looking at the TV
01:19And she's just
01:23She was just crying
01:25Like just eyes watering
01:27And then Damilore Taylor's mum started talking
01:29And then she just
01:31She just started crying
01:33For no reason
01:35Like just literally crying on her knees
01:37She probably
01:38I think she grabbed my little brother and hugged him
01:40And she just said
01:41That could have been one of you guys
01:43Police are hunting for the killers of a ten year old boy
01:46Who was stabbed to death on his way home from school earlier today
01:49Nigerian born Damilore Taylor
01:52Crawled up these steps on a housing estate in Peckham
01:55South London
01:56In a desperate attempt to escape his attackers
01:59He was still wearing his school uniform when he died
02:13Damilore Taylor
02:14A ten year old boy
02:16From the same country my parents were from
02:18Died
02:20That could have been me
02:22And that's what scared my mum the most
02:25It could have been any one of us
02:29Two months later
02:31My mum moved us out of London
02:42I remember the day we moved
02:44And
02:45Like it's like one of those happy memories
02:47Because
02:48I remember my dad
02:50He's a very silent person
02:51So when he was
02:52Kind of telling people where to go
02:54And what to do
02:55I was just like
02:56Yeah that's my dad
02:59I remember sitting in the back seat
03:06And I'm seeing the whole of Peckham just flashed by right behind my eyes
03:12Like you see the mosque
03:13The big Peckham library
03:14The churches
03:16It was my London
03:18My multicultural London
03:20So I keep going now
03:25I keep going
03:26And all I see is
03:27Horses
03:28I see cows
03:29Like
03:30What?
03:31Where are we going?
03:33And then
03:34You know when you're driving
03:36And you get the speed limits
03:37And then
03:38The three bars
03:39And then it goes two
03:40Then one
03:41And so I'm just like
03:42Looking at that
03:43And looking at that
03:44And I'm just like
03:45Yeah yeah yeah
03:46I'm asleep
03:47Wake up now
03:49To see this house
03:50I'm like
03:51That's my house
03:53I remember my dad just grabbing me
03:55Just like
03:56You better behave yourself
03:58The first week we were there I just stayed inside my house
04:14I didn't really go out
04:15I didn't want to do much
04:16And then one day my mum just asked me to go to the shops for her
04:20I remember walking out my house
04:25And walking down this long path
04:32And all I saw was white people
04:35Like literally just different shades of white
04:50So I go to the shop
04:51But when I enter the shop
04:53Everyone keeps looking at me
04:54Like staring at me
04:56And then the cashier just
04:58Gave me this kind of like
05:01Like
05:02What are you?
05:03I'm just like
05:04Okay
05:05Cool
05:09So next thing you know
05:10I finished
05:11Buying what I needed to buy from the shop
05:13And then
05:14I walked down the road
05:16And all I hear is
05:18Oi
05:19Nigga
05:23What?
05:26Oi
05:27Nigga
05:30I look up
05:31I see a little boy
05:33Calling me a nigga
05:36And then he looks at me
05:37Just stares at me
05:38And starts making monkey sounds
05:40Woo
05:42Woo
05:43Woo
05:44Woo
05:45Woo
05:46Woo
05:47Woo
05:48Woo
05:49Woo
05:50Woo
05:51Woo
05:53Woo
05:54Woo
05:55Woo
05:56Woo
05:57Woo
05:58Woo
05:59I basically got home
06:00I just
06:01I just kept it to myself
06:03Like how could I tell my mum
06:05Hey
06:06The area you moved us to
06:07They're kind of racist
06:08Um
06:09Is there where you can like
06:10Get a return on the house
06:12That you just paid for
06:13And just you know
06:14Send us back
06:15And
06:16I can't go to my dad
06:17Telling him someone called me a nigga
06:18Because he's gonna think I'm weak
06:20And if I cry in front of my dad
06:22He's gonna think I'm even weaker
06:24And
06:26At that age
06:27I was
06:28I was trying to look up
06:29To my dad
06:30I was trying to be a man
06:31I was trying to get my dad's love
06:32And my dad's affection
06:33And
06:34I just really wanted my dad to love me
06:36And I didn't
06:37It's not like he didn't love me
06:38He just had a very hard way of showing it
06:41And at that age
06:42I didn't want to show him any kind of weakness
06:47I remember when I was young
06:48Like whenever we
06:49You know
06:50Got my dad angry
06:52He would like
06:53He would beat his chest
06:54As loud as he possibly could
06:56And say
06:57I am a lion
06:58Do you know what a lion is?
07:00He's the king of the jungle
07:01It means you can't mess with a lion
07:03And I just got that in my system
07:06If he's a lion
07:07Then I must be the son of a lion
07:08And I can't show weakness
07:10So
07:11I just went into my room
07:13I closed the door
07:14I just screamed
07:15As loud as I possibly could
07:17But
07:18With nothing coming out of my mouth
07:23I soon realised that the area that we lived in was run by these two families
07:38I soon realised that the area that we lived in was run by these two families
07:51These people just looked
08:02I know it sounds really weird to say
08:06But when you
08:07Is it possible to say that you can see bad in someone?
08:12By just looking at them?
08:14The guy who was in charge at the time
08:27I wish I could say his name
08:28But I'm not going to
08:30He
08:33He just
08:34Does this
08:35And does that
08:42I just felt
08:43Oh crap
08:44Like it doesn't get better does it?
08:46The first fight I got into was with a kid at school
08:58A white kid
08:59But the way they fight compared to London is completely different
09:03So in London if you want to fight someone you grab them
09:06You just instant
09:07As in
09:08Instant punch
09:09You make someone angry
09:10Boom
09:11In Essex
09:12They were all like
09:13Meet me round the alleyway
09:15Round the back
09:16And me and you are going to go at it
09:20Okay, yeah
09:21I'll do that
09:22So basically
09:23We organised the fight
09:28It was on a large field
09:31And I just see
09:33Like a crowd of white people in a circle
09:37And as soon as I enter they kind of open the thing
09:39It's like
09:40Is this him? Is this him?
09:41Get away you black cunt
09:43Get the fuck off
09:44Why the fuck you over here boy?
09:45Why are you over here?
09:46Why are you over here?
09:47Why are you over here?
09:48Why are you over here?
09:49Get the fuck out
09:50Get the fuck out
09:51Get the fuck out
09:52Get the fuck out
09:53That fuck is there
09:54What the fuck do you do?
09:55White boys and black boys don't fucking mix around
09:57And next thing you know the kid just comes up to me
09:59Hey
10:01And then boom
10:03I dropped to the floor
10:08Everything went black
10:09This little kid just goes boom, boom, boom on my face
10:15And I swear to you, I didn't feel a single thing
10:17And all I heard was, come on mate, come on, hit him
10:23Hit the black cunt, hit the nigger, hit the wog
10:27Hit him right in the face, hit him, harder, harder
10:31They're enjoying me getting hit
10:39I froze, so I just let him carry on hitting me
10:44Carry on hitting him until he was finished
10:46I remember just them making, the same way they parted for me to enter
11:03The same way they parted for me to leave
11:05But like, they were following me
11:07And they were like, oh, go on, go away then
11:10Go on, get out of our country
11:12Go on, leave us alone, leave us alone
11:14See, I told you I had him, I told you I had him
11:17Next time the black cunt gets there-y
11:18I was just scared, man
11:25I remember like, my eyes just, um, remember them being puffy
11:42Like, too, like, up to here
11:44But, um, I remember just, um, going into the sink
11:52And I'm just trying to
11:53I don't know why I thought I could wash it away
11:56I just started crying
12:08I never cried like that before
12:17You know, you know, those
12:19Those, there was those deep in hell cries
12:22I remember
12:25I remember hearing my mum
12:34Footsteps, like, slowly coming up the stairs
12:38She saw me
12:43Her eyes went like that
12:46And she just started
12:48Speaking in her native tongue
12:50And she started saying
12:53My life, my life, my life
12:55What have I done?
12:58Who's done this to my son?
12:59She blamed my dad
13:07Because she felt like
13:09If he was at home
13:10Then he would have known where I was going
13:13Or he would have heard it
13:15And he would have, could have stopped it
13:16But because he wasn't there
13:18You know, she
13:21She blamed him for that
13:22In a way, he felt like she was right
13:28Because
13:29Because he should have been Superman, right?
13:35Like, that's what dads are meant to be
13:37And like, he wasn't able to do that
13:40And
13:41I think that added to more of their problems
13:49Which added to more of my problems
13:50He basically quit his job at London after that
13:57And he started looking for work around the area
14:00But
14:02It didn't really work out
14:03And that put a strain on the family
14:06And my dad became a very angry person
14:11Did he hurt you?
14:15Yeah
14:20But I just go
14:22Yeah
14:27Yeah
14:28Yeah
14:28After I lost that fight,
14:57I just said to myself,
15:00the only way I'm going to survive is if I fit in,
15:04if I become like them.
15:06So I did whatever I needed to do to fit in
15:10to a group of people who hated the colour of my skin.
15:17If I started with my clothing,
15:19I would literally save all my dinner money up,
15:21starve myself, literally.
15:23I'd turn into a little twig,
15:25just so I can buy all the latest clothes,
15:28like Lila Scott, Mackenzie Hoodie, tracksuits,
15:31and anything I would see all the big top guys wear.
15:36That's what I wanted to wear.
15:38And then next, you know, it went to the hair.
15:41You know, at the time they had the little spiky,
15:44the spiky hair was the thing back in the day,
15:46so I literally would buy this thing called,
15:48it's a texturising cream that was straight in your hair.
15:51And then I just got that accent.
15:54I'm just like, start putting a bit of a swing on it.
15:57I'm like, you all right, mate?
15:58And they're like, what is that going?
16:00Yeah, mate, it's me. How you doing?
16:02You all right? You want to go for a pint?
16:04Yeah.
16:05So I was just talking like them.
16:06I was like, yeah, I want to be like you.
16:09After that, I remember thinking to myself,
16:12the perfect white one has blue eyes.
16:14So I said, F it. I want blue eyes, too.
16:17So I went to the local shop
16:19and I bought the brightest blue contact names I could find.
16:24And the final thing I did was I bleached my skin.
16:28I remember the first time I did it,
16:30I remember putting a load on my hand,
16:32going like that, looking at the skin like mirror,
16:35I'm like, am I light?
16:37And I'm not light, so let's put some more.
16:39Next thing I wake up in the morning,
16:42my skin's just like a tad belight.
16:44I'm like, wow.
16:46I had enough. I wanted to be...
16:48It's not even like I wanted to be white.
16:50I just wanted to fit in.
16:52And if it meant being like white people,
16:54then let's do it.
17:09Don't pop your camera.
17:10Come right behind my teeth.
17:13OK.
17:14Let's do it.
17:15This is a lot of time.
17:16Definitely.
17:17Martin!
17:18Come here.
17:19That's a lot.
17:20Come right behind my teeth.
17:21Come right behind my teeth.
17:22I'm right behind my teeth.
17:27Come to the river, go.
17:28Over time, I started to become friends with, I guess, the racists, or the families, and
17:49I guess all the people that didn't like black people in the area.
17:53I became friends with them.
17:56I wasn't a threat anymore.
18:00I was just a black kid who wanted to be like them.
18:17To fit in, I felt like I had to keep silent.
18:22I had to not talk on some things I thought were important things.
18:26Certain situations and certain predicaments, I would just find a way to side the white people.
18:38We had a situation one time where we were walking down, we were about to go to a little party
18:43with my mates.
18:48And the white and black guys got into a little, you know, altercation.
18:54And he said something, he was like, oh, he's a fucking nigger.
18:59He's a fucking black cunt.
19:02It's like, not you Cornelius, I'm not talking about you.
19:04I'm talking about your friend.
19:06And in that moment, I just like, I'm not proud of it.
19:11I just said, yeah, cool.
19:13Like, I get it.
19:15But these are my friends, that's what I meant to say.
19:19What did you say?
19:20I didn't say anything.
19:21There wasn't anything for me to say.
19:25We started smashing houses, we started smashing cars.
19:44We started smashing houses, we started smashing cars, it got very violent, but I enjoyed it.
20:02It let me get rid of all the pain, all the anger I was feeling for my dad, so I liked
20:08it.
20:09Do you want to know, like, the weirdest thing?
20:24The only thing I wish as a, like, ten-year-old kid back then was just wanting my dad to love
20:32me, you know?
20:35But I feel like he was hurt a lot, and so he, he hurt us a lot, so I hurt a lot.
20:44I just kind of, like, feel like, like, why, you know?
21:07Like, why do you, why would you do that?
21:11You know, like, why?
21:14It just pisses me off because, like, I just don't feel like you should treat people like
21:25that.
21:26It really bothers me because it's just, like, like, it really messed me up.
21:33We went out on a rampage one night.
21:40And then there was this guy with a bike, and I don't know what came over me, but I just
21:48punched him for no reason.
21:49He didn't say anything, just punched him.
21:52And then he dropped.
21:53And then I remember seeing him on the floor, and then I, I just kicked his head.
21:59But when I kicked his head, he screamed on top of his lungs.
22:06And I just remember seeing his face, and he just caved in, and he was like, ah!
22:36Do you feel guilty?
23:01Yeah, I feel guilty.
23:04But I felt like, I felt like I was accepted.
23:11Right, you show it like that, or you bump it, like, you don't want to butt it off because
23:16then it's bare wet, and you get up here and spit it, man.
23:18It's horrible.
23:19Yeah, that's it.
23:20Yeah, that's it, bro.
23:24You're talking about a black kid being accepted by racists.
23:29And they were cool with me, like, me of all people.
23:36And it felt, it felt good.
23:38Yeah.
23:57It felt good.
24:40I wanted love, I wanted to feel love.
24:47So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:10So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:17So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:21So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:25So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:44So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:46So yeah, I just made friends with monsters.
25:50So yeah, I'm so excited.
25:52So yeah, I'm so excited.
25:54I'm so excited.
25:56So yeah.
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