_The Jockstrap Raiders_ HD full film by Mark Nelson

CineWorld Hub FX

Watch _The Jockstrap Raiders_ HD full film by Mark Nelson - CineWorld Hub FX on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:00The world is at war.

00:14In its fourth year, Europe has been rabbeted by trench warfare, resulting in a stalemate.

00:18That is, until Germany found a weak point in the Allied lines, the Belgians.

00:22With only waffles to defend themselves, the German troops quickly broke through and completely

00:27surrounded the Allied forces.

00:28The Kaiser's next move was to invade Britain itself.

00:31They began building a bridge to span the English Channel that, if completed, would spell

00:35sure defeat for Britain and her allies.

00:38Nothing could stop the Germans now.

00:40All so they thought.

00:58All right, blokes.

01:00Last play.

01:01Let's work together now.

01:02Eggs, you're getting the ball.

01:04The rest of you clear a path.

01:06Ready?

01:06Riders!

01:13Run, Eggs!

01:14They were a ragged bunch who had all been excluded from military service in the war for one

01:18reason or another.

01:19They were tools Franklin, flat feet.

01:22Chuckles Charlie, hunchbackism.

01:25Billy the Snake, rigor mortis.

01:27Tom and brother Thomas Fizzlenut, Siamese twins.

01:31Rats O'Reilly.

01:32He was a giant rat.

01:34Coach.

01:34He was too old.

01:36And drunk.

01:38Eggs McDougal, 25,000 vision.

01:40And the team captain, Mikey Larson, hydrophobia.

01:44Mikey had such a strong fear of water, he couldn't even get on the boat to go to the

01:47war in Europe.

01:48Liquid.

01:50What?

01:51Marcy, where'd you go, mate?

01:55Game over.

01:56Leeds loses again.

01:58You know, I really think we can win a game if we played as a team for once.

02:11Oh, what's the use, Mikey?

02:13Yeah, we're just a bunch of rejects.

02:16What can we ever do?

02:25Go, somebody!

02:28It's a British plane!

02:33You okay, mate?

02:34Germans building bridge, invading Britain.

02:37Bratworth's and Niederhausen as far as the eye can see.

02:40No one to stop them!

02:43He's dead.

02:45We have to stop this invasion.

02:47Willkommen durch herren beat kann ich der Wiener schnitzel?

02:54Ha ha.

02:55Eh, nonsense.

02:56I have a plan.

02:58And disguised as a flock of yellow-bellied sapsuckers.

03:03We'll fly down and give them what for.

03:06And that's how we will defeat the Cubans.

03:08Germans.

03:09Germans!

03:09Even better!

03:10Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

03:11The eight of us...

03:12Hey.

03:13Taking...

03:13Sorry, Thomas.

03:15The eight and a half of us taking on the entire German army?

03:18That's a bloody suicide mission.

03:20Suicide?

03:21Ha!

03:22Suicide is all just a part of living, my young friend.

03:25Why is it Mikey leading us?

03:26He's the best pilot we got.

03:28He wouldn't be much help to us taking out a bridge.

03:30Not with his fear of water and all.

03:32Don't worry.

03:33Coach led us during the...

03:34He's the best pilot we got.

03:35He's the best pilot we got.

03:36He's the best pilot we got.

03:37He's the best pilot we got.

03:38Water!

03:39Water on the edge!

03:40It burns!

03:41It purrs!

03:42It touched me!

03:43I'm dying!

03:44Alrighty then.

03:45Let's start training.

03:46Confident in me brain!

03:48I have that weapon.

03:49But Garth, we haven't put in the timing gear yet.

03:52Bobbycock!

03:53Just aim between the blades!

03:58Phew!

03:59Fancy that!

04:07Let me drop it!

04:08I'm gonna drop it!

04:09Let me drop it!

04:10Now!

04:13Let me drop the bomb!

04:14Get off my back!

04:20Ready eggs?

04:21Ready eggs?

04:22Ready!

04:31Well, what happened?

04:36Telegram from Michael Larson.

04:37From Colonel Rothdale Commander, British Infantry.

04:40I regret to inform you that your brother Frank Larson was recently killed in action.

04:46Sam?

04:47Frank was an exemplary soldier.

04:49He was decapitated three times and kept fighting.

04:52Then when he lost his torso, he replaced it with a tree stump and kept on going, killing 26 more Germans.

04:57In the end, however, it was a termite infestation and not the Jerry's that finally did him in.

05:02He was awarded the Victoria Cross for valor.

05:04His service to his country will not be forgotten.

05:07End.

05:16Peb up, chaps.

05:17We got a lot of work to do.

05:18It's a little too late, Mikey.

05:20We've managed to destroy all of our planes.

05:22And we're a bunch of rejects.

05:24It'll be a lot easier if we just give up now.

05:26We can't just give up.

05:27Even when his head was clear off, Frank never gave up.

05:30And I'm not gonna give up either.

05:32But what about your fear of water?

05:34This isn't about us anymore.

05:36Sure, we might have our problems.

05:37But we need to fight for the chaps and lassies of Britain who can't.

05:41Billy's old grandparents.

05:43Rat's 200 daughters.

05:44For that one-legged hooker in town that eggs frequents.

05:47You know, the one with the five o'clock shadow.

05:50We're doing it for Leeds.

05:52Mikey!

05:53Don't confuse me!

05:54Let's do this!

05:55Alright.

05:56We don't have a lot of time.

05:57Tools!

05:58Sir!

05:59Whatever you can to get these planes working, they don't have to be pretty.

06:02Just get four or five airborne.

06:04We've got a bridge to take out.

06:29Mikey, we have a problem.

06:32We don't have time for problems, Tools.

06:34We fly in the morning.

06:35The aircraft are too heavy.

06:37We'll never make it to the target on the fuel we have.

06:40Well, there must be something we can do.

06:42It's hopeless.

06:43Oh, we were so close!

06:44Contact!

06:53Tools, oh chap, gather the men.

06:55I just thought of a way not only to lighten the load, but to decrease wind resistance.

06:59I'll get the street razor.

07:07Ah, there's nearly a sweeter sight than elasticized cotton embracing hairless genitalia.

07:11It gives me goosebumps every time.

07:14I'm proud of you, you Leeds Raiders.

07:17Leeds Raiders, my arse!

07:20We're the Bloomin' Jockstrap Raiders!

07:25We fly at dawn.

07:55We fly at dawn.

07:57We fly at dawn, the moon, the moon!

07:58We fly at dawn...

08:00ή

08:55This is flight leader to Strap's squadron.

09:11We'll be flying low out of the rising sun.

09:13They won't see us till we're right on top of them.

09:15Alright boys, we're almost there.

09:17Let's go to radio silence.

09:25Huh?

09:28Oh.

09:32Greifen Sie von hier aus an.

09:50Na wohl, mein Kaiser.

09:59Kommen Sie her.

10:00Okay.

10:07Hm?

10:11Ein Flugzeug!

10:13Flugzeuger!

10:15Was ist das?

10:17Das hast du einen Panz?

10:18Haha, we got him by surprise!

10:30Alarm!

10:34Uh-oh.

10:36Feuer!

10:38Feuer!

10:39Bloody hell!

10:49Brake formation!

10:55Huh?

11:06Prepare for another pass.

11:07We've got to take out some of those guns!

11:15I'm coming!

11:19Ah! We're going in!

11:26Get out of the way!

11:30Quite a few foreigners on the street today, eh?

11:37Get out of the way!

11:41Stay alone!

11:50Ugh!

11:51We're starting the plane!

11:52Let's do it!

11:53Let's do it!

11:56Quiet!

12:01Shoot that artillery!

12:02No, flight towards that tank!

12:03Shoot left!

12:04My right! This way!

12:05No, your other left!

12:06This way!

12:12Nice flying, Tom!

12:13Nice shooting, Thomas!

12:16Great shot, guys!

12:17The balloon created a huge gap in the anti-aircraft fire!

12:20We can drop this bomb now!

12:21Just cover me on the next one!

12:25No!

12:26No!

12:27It's a bloody red parrot!

12:28Get us the hell out of here!

12:43Bloomy, wake up!

12:44Wake up!

12:57That was our only bridge buster bomb!

12:59It's hopeless now!

13:01Well, we failed!

13:03Let's go home!

13:04Mikey!

13:05Mikey!

13:06Frank!

13:07You must avenge my death, Mikey!

13:08Find the strength within!

13:10Are you wearing a bloomin' jockstrap?

13:11Of all the things to see when I come back is a ghost!

13:13Ha!

13:14We told mommy us about this!

13:15Hey, mom!

13:16We're losing that engine and this plane is coming apart!

13:17Billy, get over here!

13:18Look!

13:19Down by the bridge!

13:21That lucky bastard!

13:22No one the hell is a party!

13:23Can you manage myоновator?

13:24No!

13:25You think we must avenge my death, Mikey!

13:26And find the strength within!

13:27No one's...

13:28Name me!

13:29Anyhow, anyäh!

13:30If you think we'll just notice what it is,

13:31look!

13:32Where we're going?

13:33Sure!

13:34Oh, it's a moment!

13:36Go!

13:37You must avenge my death, Mikey!

13:39There's another.

13:40A moment!

13:41Oh!

13:42Thank you!

13:43That's all!

13:44Thank you!

13:45A moment!

13:46How is he alive?

13:48We haven't much time. What can we do?

13:50We have to shoot that bomb to detonate it.

13:52Mikey's still down there!

13:54We can't block them! We've got to get out of here!

13:56We're not going to make it home! Let's try and pick them up!

13:58Let's try and pick them up! Let's try and pick them up!

14:00Let's try and pick them up!

14:02Mikey did his part to save his country, and now we have to do ours!

14:06We're a team, and we better start acting like one!

14:10Tools, keep that engine running!

14:12Chuckles, fly this crate!

14:14Billy, hold this plane together!

14:16Rats!

14:18Ah, just now you're cheese!

14:20That leaves you eggs! Man that MG!

14:22You're taking the shot!

14:24I couldn't see a blooming piece of shite if it were an inch from me sniffer!

14:26Yes, but you COULD see a blooming piece of shite if it were a mile from your sniffer, you fartsighted bastard!

14:36Yeah! I can do it!

14:38Chuckles, fly us in closer to the range of this gun!

14:40Rightio, coach!

14:44Wait for it! Wait for it!

14:46Wait for it!

14:48Wait for it!

14:50Ah, it's fine!

14:52Oh yeah!

14:54Almost there!

14:56I can't hold it! We're going down!

14:58I can't hold it! We're going down!

15:00I can't hold it!

15:02We're going down!

15:04I can't see the target anymore!

15:06We're going down!

15:08We're too close!

15:10I have you now!

15:12Done!

15:14That was for Frank!

15:16That was for Frank!

15:18And this is for the Fatherland!

15:20you!

15:22Don't move!

15:23I can't hold it!

15:24You're ready!

15:25Oh yeah!

15:26Come!

15:27You're ready!

15:28You're ready!

15:29Oh yeah!

15:30I'm powerful!

15:31You're ready!

15:32They're gonna do it!

15:33I'm hungry...

15:34I'm hungry!

15:35And now we're going down!

15:37I have you now.

15:41That was for Frank.

15:43And this is for the Fatherland!

15:56We aren't gonna make it!

16:06Fire!

16:24Here! Here!

16:31Yeah!

16:32Woo-hoo!

16:33Look at that!

16:50The bridge was destroyed, Britain was saved,

16:52and the Allied infantry in Europe soon gained the advantage over the Germans.

16:56So it is my distinct pleasure to introduce the newest squadron of the Royal Air Force, Squadron 207,

17:02the Jockstrap Raiders, is officially commissioned as of this day.

17:07It is a testament to this great country that the lowest dregs of society,

17:11who are so horrifyingly deformed, could save the very people that had left them for dead.

17:16Unfortunately, the leader of this mission, Mikey Larson, was blown to bits along with the bridge he helped destroy.

17:31So it is my honour to present him posthumously with the Victorian Cross.

17:35No thanks!

17:39I've already got one.

17:40Get out of here!

17:41Yes!

17:42Yay!

17:43Yay!

17:44Come on!

17:45Come on!

17:46Come on!

17:47Come on!

17:48Come on!

17:49Come on!

17:50My blooming strap is on fire!

17:51Get some water!

17:52No, he's afraid of water!

17:53Goop it out!

17:54No, no, wait!

17:55I'm good!

17:59Could I get some water, please?

18:01Nephilim!

18:07Achoo!

18:14What the hell?

18:15Nothing.

18:16How am I getting here?

18:17Let's get set this!

18:22Woo win!

18:25It's he sostelt!

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended