Title: The Examination.
Mind Your Language, Season 1, Episode 13.
Episode Air Date:24 March 1978.
Episode Brief:
The students prepare to take their Lower Cambridge Certificate exam at the end of the first term. Meanwhile, Mr. Brown has a disagreement with a couple in the pub, which comes back to haunt him when it turns out that the man (Mr. Short, a former principal of the school) will be supervising the exam.
#The Examination
#Season 1
#Episode 8
#Mind Your Language
#funny
#viral
#comedy
#entertainment
#season 1
#top
#mrbrown
#english
#fyp
Mind Your Language, Season 1, Episode 13.
Episode Air Date:24 March 1978.
Episode Brief:
The students prepare to take their Lower Cambridge Certificate exam at the end of the first term. Meanwhile, Mr. Brown has a disagreement with a couple in the pub, which comes back to haunt him when it turns out that the man (Mr. Short, a former principal of the school) will be supervising the exam.
#The Examination
#Season 1
#Episode 8
#Mind Your Language
#funny
#viral
#comedy
#entertainment
#season 1
#top
#mrbrown
#english
#fyp
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00To be continued...
00:30To be continued...
01:00Hello, Curly. What can I get you?
01:02How about excited?
01:04Oh, congratulations!
01:06You are the 500th person to say that tonight.
01:09You win our star award, a beer mat.
01:11Oh, thanks.
01:13And a pint for Sid.
01:14Thelma Ritter.
01:16Thelma Ritter, eh?
01:17I'm Giovanni Capello.
01:19Oh, that's not a name.
01:21Thelma Ritter means a pint of bitter.
01:23It's cockney rhyming slang.
01:25Ah, sure, I remember.
01:27Uh, 42 pence.
01:28And a packet of assaulted peas nuts, please.
01:34Cheers.
01:35Thanks a lot.
01:37Hey, how's the Las Vegas kid doing, huh?
01:39Terrible.
01:40You never win nothing on this machine.
01:44I tell you, he's fixed.
01:46Oh, no.
01:47Lady behind bar telling me
01:48it is nearly time for somebody
01:50to be winning in the jack-in-the-putt.
01:53I try again.
01:54But this time, I'm not looking.
02:01See, I tell you, you're not winning nothing.
02:05Ah, yes, but I'm getting three bars, look.
02:07If I'm holding them, next time I'll be winning.
02:11You have already spent one pound.
02:13Yes, but if I'm getting another bar,
02:15I'll be collecting five pounds.
02:17Oh, dearie me, I'm not having any more ten peas.
02:20Could you be changing this, please?
02:22Sorry, Ali, I spent all my change.
02:24Maxie.
02:25I ain't got any ten peas.
02:27I'll be losing the jack-in-the-putt.
02:31Ah, professore.
02:32Good evening.
02:33Good evening, Mr Brown.
02:34Hey, you want to tell Meriter?
02:36Pardon?
02:37Tell Meriter, Peter.
02:39You can talk me to Sid, the caretaker, again.
02:41Could I help?
02:42Sure.
02:43He's teaching me more of his cock-eyed slang-in-rhyme.
02:46Cock-knee.
02:48Ah, scusi.
02:49Thanks.
02:49Yes, Mr Brown.
02:50It's a point of interest.
02:50Do you happen to remember what a cock-knee is?
02:52Sure.
02:53He's someone who was born near the sound of Bo's Bulls.
02:58Oh.
03:00Hockey.
03:01Ah, you want a drink?
03:02No, thanks.
03:03I just called for some cigarettes.
03:04Excuse me, please, Mr Brown.
03:05Would you be having changes for a pound to be putting in the machine?
03:08Oh, you're wasting your money, Ali.
03:10Oh, no, I'm sure to be winning.
03:12I'm holding three bars.
03:13Oh, well, it's your money.
03:14Let's have a look.
03:15Good evening, everybody.
03:16Excuse me.
03:17Excuse me.
03:23Hey, what are you doing, you damn fool?
03:25I'm having you go on this machine, you pit.
03:31Hey!
03:33That is my winning.
03:37How can they be your winnings?
03:39I am putting the money for 10p in.
03:41Here is your 10p.
03:43You have to have 30 minutes of my money.
03:45That is my money, you bearded bandit.
03:47Quiet, the pair of you.
03:48Look, why don't you share the money?
03:50That's a good idea, if there's five of us.
03:54That's one pound each.
03:56I meant between Ali and Ranjeet, then you've both won.
03:59You are as wise as a holy guru.
04:02Actually, it's time you're all back at school.
04:04It's your exams tomorrow.
04:05You should take every opportunity to study.
04:07I know.
04:08Okey-cokey.
04:10We got it.
04:11I do.
04:11Come on, Ali, you too.
04:13Call it all.
04:16Waiter.
04:17Pardon?
04:17Get a tonic and a lager, please.
04:20I'm afraid you're making a mistake.
04:22That's ridiculous.
04:23I know what I want.
04:25Get a tonic for me and a lager for my husband.
04:27He's just parking the car.
04:28Now, look, madam, you don't understand.
04:30I am a schoolteacher.
04:32Oh, that's nothing to be ashamed of.
04:36I think it's quite commendable that you should supplement your income by working in a public house.
04:42Look, I'm not what you think I am.
04:44No, I'm not interested in your personal problems.
04:46I just want a gin and a tonic and a lager.
04:50Yes.
04:50Now.
04:51A gin and tonic and a lager.
04:54Hello, Mr. Brown.
04:55Hello, Sid.
04:56How are you?
04:57I'll have a gold watch.
04:58Pardon?
05:00A scotch.
05:01I wasn't offering you a drink.
05:03Do what?
05:03Oh, never mind.
05:04A scotch.
05:0620 cigarettes for me and a gin and tonic and a lager for that lady over there.
05:09She thinks I'm a waiter.
05:11Are you sure of what?
05:11She thinks I'm a waiter.
05:13Oh.
05:13How long have you been doing it, then?
05:15What?
05:17Just waiting on a lot.
05:19I don't wait.
05:19I'm not a waiter.
05:20Do what?
05:21Never mind.
05:22Um, £1.60, please.
05:24Yeah, well, actually, these two drinks are for that lady and gentleman over there.
05:27Yeah, but they've still got to be paid for, haven't they?
05:28Yes, but...
05:29All right, sir, well, I'll pay for them and they can pay me later.
05:33How much is it just for the gin and tonic and the lager?
05:35Uh, £72.
05:36£72.
05:37All right.
05:37Cheers.
05:38Good help.
05:38Ah, good help.
05:45Here we are.
05:46£72, please.
05:47Didn't I see you take a drink of my lager?
05:49Yeah, but it was, uh, it was only a sip.
05:51Oh, yes, I suppose you were tasting it to make sure it was fit to drink.
05:55No, no, no, it was purely accidental.
05:56I have a good mind to report you to the brewery.
05:59Well, frankly, I couldn't care less what you do.
06:01Your attitude is typical of the working class mentality.
06:04It's people like you that are ruining the country.
06:06You're nothing but a peasant.
06:08And you, sir, are a bourgeois snob.
06:09£72, please.
06:11I refuse to pay for a drink that has been contaminated by your lips.
06:15Oh, I see.
06:16All right, don't pay.
06:17You have it on me.
06:19Here you go.
06:19Silence!
06:27This is disgraceful.
06:29Ten minutes past seven and Mr. Brown has not arrived.
06:32Oh, but you're mistaken.
06:34He's here.
06:35Isn't he, Anna?
06:36Yeah.
06:37That's right.
06:38He's always early.
06:39Yes, please.
06:40Tonight he was here so early that he was here ten minutes before he arrived.
06:45He's just gone out.
06:47Oh, and where has he gone out to?
06:50Er, a toilet.
06:53I beg your pardon?
06:55A tea room.
06:57Would you like to try again?
06:59What they mean is, first he goes to the tea room, then the toilet.
07:02Yeah, that's right.
07:03Yeah, yeah.
07:05Oh, Miss Cockney, sorry I'm late.
07:07Oh, but you're not.
07:08Really?
07:08According to your students, you were here all the time.
07:11Ah, yes, well.
07:12Well, where exactly were you?
07:14But we told you.
07:15I am asking Mr. Brown.
07:18Well?
07:18Ah, yes.
07:19Yes, um.
07:28And what is going on?
07:30I don't know, but from my sign language, I think they're trying to say that I was having a cup of tea in the toilet.
07:33Actually, Miss Cockney, I'll tell you the truth.
07:37I am late, and the reason is this.
07:38I just popped across to the pub for some cigarettes, was mistaken for a waiter, bought two drinks for two people I'd never even met before, was called a peasant and finished up by pouring a glass of lager over a gentleman's head.
07:46You're an even bigger liar than your students.
07:51I would have thought that you would have made an effort to be early this evening.
07:54After all, it is your last chance to teach them something before they take their exams tomorrow.
07:58Yes, Miss Cockney, you're quite right, as usual.
08:00Not that I think any of them have the remotest chance of passing.
08:07Come on, sit in your places, please.
08:09She thinks we're all stupid.
08:11Well, I think she's got a point.
08:13Eh, por favor.
08:14Yes, Juan?
08:15Eh, what do you think about this exam?
08:19You think we pass?
08:20Do I think you'll pass?
08:21Yes.
08:22Juan, for the past 13 weeks, you've all been coming here to study, right?
08:2513 weeks of hard work, diligence and application.
08:2713 weeks of blood, toil and sweat.
08:29Slowly, little by little, you have improved.
08:31When you sit down to take your examination tomorrow, I have no doubts whether you'll pass or not.
08:35You haven't a cat in hell's charge.
08:38I have, I have.
08:40Blimey, you're not giving us any confidence.
08:42Maybe some of you may manage to scrape through, but I shall be most surprised if you all pass.
08:46I shall pass to prove the paleolity of the Republic of China.
08:50Yes, well, we'll see about that.
08:51In the meantime, I want tonight to talk about the exam,
08:53and afterwards, if you have any questions about any points you're not sure of,
08:57then just ask and I'll do my best to answer them.
09:00Excuse, please.
09:01Not yet, Taro.
09:02I want to talk about the exam first and then you can ask a question.
09:05Ask of.
09:07Now, the first thing is, I shall not be taking you.
09:11Excuse, please, Master G.
09:13Where will you not be taking us to?
09:15I mean, then I shan't be here tomorrow when you take your exam.
09:18Oh, jolly good.
09:19We can be reading all the answers from our books.
09:22There will be somebody here.
09:25Oh, dear.
09:26I am thinking I am going to be up a gummy tree.
09:31In case, you're not supposed to cheat.
09:32It's customary for another teacher from another school to take an examination of this kind.
09:38Excuse me, please.
09:39Later, Taro, please.
09:41Okay.
09:42Now, when you take your examination, the lower Cambridge certificate isn't too difficult.
09:48The exam is divided into three parts, right?
09:50First there's an oral examination, then a written one, and then comes dictation.
09:54Is that his name?
09:55Is that whose name?
09:59The man who is going to be taking us to be doing the examination.
10:03Dictation.
10:06Dictation is when a person reads something out aloud and another person copies it down.
10:10Ah, like the short-finger typist.
10:13Yes, please.
10:17Excuse me, please.
10:18You can ask your question in a moment, Taro.
10:21Right.
10:23When you've completed your examination, the papers are taken away to be marked,
10:26and you'll be notified of the results by post.
10:28So please make sure that you write your names clearly on your papers.
10:32Your Christian name and your surname.
10:33I cannot do that.
10:35Why not?
10:35I'm not a Christian.
10:37If you want to be gigantic about it, Ranjeet, write your surname and forename.
10:41I'm not having forenames also.
10:44The prefix fore in this case is spelt F-O-R-E and means first.
10:51For example, forefinger.
10:53Un momentito, un momentito.
10:56Four finger, one thumb.
11:00No, not forefingers.
11:03Si, si.
11:04A one, a two, a three, a four.
11:07This is my forefinger.
11:09No, that's only one finger.
11:14I wonder if I should cancel tomorrow.
11:16For what?
11:17Never mind.
11:18All right.
11:19Excuse, please.
11:21Yes, you can ask your question now, Taro.
11:23It requires permission to visit.
11:25Pirate.
11:27Oh, of course.
11:35Right, has anybody else got a question?
11:37Yes.
11:38After tomorrow, will we see you again?
11:41Well, that depends on so many things, whether I'm engaged for another term or whether any
11:45of you decide, whatever the results of your exam, to come back for a further course.
11:48I will give you my address and you can come and see me any time.
11:54Quiet, quiet.
11:55Yes.
11:56Mr. Brown, can you spare a moment, please?
11:58Certainly.
11:59I suggest you all study your verbs until I return.
12:05As you know, another teacher will be taking the exams tomorrow.
12:08Yes.
12:09Now, the gentleman who used to be the principal of this college will be supervising your class.
12:13He's in the office now and I thought it might be a good idea if you met him.
12:16Oh, I'd like to.
12:16Do try to make a good impression.
12:19It does no harm if he is favorably disposed towards you.
12:23This is our English teacher, Mr. Brown.
12:28Slow world, isn't it?
12:29Good evening, Mr. Brown.
12:59Hello, all ready for your examination.
13:02Sure, everything's going to be okie-kokie.
13:06Buenos Aires, everybody.
13:08Has anybody got a pen?
13:10Yeah, but please remember who he belongs to.
13:13Sure, I remember.
13:15Hey, Harry, what are you doing?
13:18I tell you, I've just been studying my verbs, so I'm going to write them down on my hands so
13:22I don't forget.
13:23Typical of Western dishonesty.
13:25No, I think it's a good idea.
13:27Hey, you want to write verb tenses too?
13:29No, I'm hockey on verbs, but no good or pronoun.
13:32So write the pronouns.
13:34No need.
13:35I already write them on handkerchief.
13:40Smart.
13:41It is wrong to cheat.
13:44Don't you agree, Ali?
13:45Not at all.
13:46I am also cheating.
13:48You also have got something written on your handkerchief?
13:51No.
13:51It is in my head.
13:52This is terrible.
13:56If you have found out, you'll be disquarified.
13:58Old Japanese philosopher, he say, man who deals from bottom usually end up on top.
14:06You as well.
14:08Terror, not good.
14:10I work, sir.
14:11So, I've found written on cheer.
14:15Sit.
14:16Ah, good evening, everyone.
14:20Oh, so I'm missing you, my cloud.
14:21Nice to see you all bright and early.
14:23I expect you're feeling a bit nervous.
14:24I am not nervous.
14:26Oh, good.
14:27I am putrefied.
14:31Petrified.
14:33Yeah, well, do your best.
14:34Now, listen, I'm not supposed to be here, so I shall be in the pub, all right?
14:37Ah.
14:38But if you'll call in when you've finished your exam, I'll buy you all an end-of-term drink.
14:44Well, good luck, Tarot.
14:47You must be nervous.
14:48It's the first time you haven't stood up and bowed.
14:51Good luck, Juan.
14:52MuchÃsimas gracias.
14:54Good luck, Giovanni.
14:56Thanks, Profissori.
14:58You're not too nervous to shake hands, are you?
15:00Ah, see, I'm very nervous.
15:01Oh, nonsense.
15:03Come on, Leo.
15:03That didn't hurt, did it?
15:05Not a lot.
15:08Sanjit, that's funny.
15:10Where did that ink come from?
15:11Maybe your pen has got a leak.
15:14Let me see your hand, Giovanni.
15:16There's nothing there, Profissori.
15:18Yeah, the other one.
15:20It's nothing there either.
15:22But there's something there, though, isn't there?
15:24Oh, no.
15:25My pen's got a leak as well.
15:29I suppose while it was leaking, it just happened to write a few verbs down.
15:33Sorry, Profissori.
15:34My verbs is a bit bad.
15:36Yeah, well, I suggest you clean all that off.
15:38I don't seem to have a handkerchief myself.
15:39Max has got a handkerchief.
15:44I can love a handkerchief.
15:46What's that stinging out of your top pocket?
15:48Oh, that.
15:50That's not a proper handkerchief.
15:52Maybe Ali's got a proper handkerchief.
15:54Let me see that handkerchief, Max.
15:55I see pronouns are your weak point.
16:03That's right.
16:04I'll keep this.
16:06What other little tricks have you all been up to, Ellie?
16:08You're very quiet.
16:09You keeping something under your hat?
16:14Oh, blimey.
16:16How are you guessing that?
16:17I didn't.
16:21And while I think of it, Tarot, would you like to stand up, please?
16:29Very ingenious.
16:31All right, Juan, where's your...
16:33Where's your little crib hidden?
16:37Por favor.
16:39Never mind, por favor.
16:40I know it's somewhere.
16:41It's written all over your face.
16:43No.
16:44Not right in my face.
16:47This is no laughing matter.
16:49Come on, Juan.
16:49Where is it?
16:51Under the table.
16:52Banjit?
17:01Thousand apologies.
17:07Danielle?
17:08Anna?
17:09Camilla?
17:11Sulee?
17:11We're not cheap.
17:12They felt a pass exam on all mallets.
17:14Well, I'm glad to hear it.
17:16Glad to hear it.
17:20Some last-minute coaching, Brown?
17:22No, no, no.
17:22I just came to wish them good luck.
17:24They're going to need more than luck.
17:25Goodbye, Mr. Brown.
17:26Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday.
17:28Goodbye, Mr. Brown.
17:30Goodbye.
17:31Good luck.
17:34Now, I want absolute silence during this examination.
17:38I'm a stand?
17:39Same again.
17:40Don't you think you've had enough?
17:41That's good I've had enough.
17:43I'm still standing.
17:44Yeah, you've been to the loot once.
17:45Well, that doesn't mean anything.
17:47Oh, yes, it does.
17:49Last time you went in the ladies.
17:50There you go, Mike, isn't there?
17:55Oh, hello, Sid.
17:56Stand again.
17:59Half a bit of please, Mavis, and whatever Sid's drinking.
18:01Sid tells me you're not married.
18:03That's right, I'm not.
18:04I'm not married as well.
18:06Oh, congratulations.
18:08I haven't even got a boyfriend.
18:10Really?
18:11How about you?
18:13No, I haven't got a boyfriend either.
18:14No, I haven't got a regular one, anyway.
18:16Look, have a drink with me.
18:18All right?
18:18Give me a quick.
18:21Hey, Al, Sid.
18:22There's your pigs here.
18:23Pigs here.
18:24Here.
18:24You're learning, ain't you?
18:25You did.
18:26Good help.
18:27How's your little?
18:28She's still living.
18:31You don't mean that.
18:32Yeah, but...
18:33Do you know, when I was caught, you know, I used to worship the ground she walked on.
18:37Now I worship the ground that's coming to her.
18:41It's not a very nice thing to say.
18:43No, it's more sincere.
18:45You take my tip, son, you stay single.
18:48Well, I've got no choice at the moment.
18:49I can't afford to get married.
18:50Still, I've got Josephine.
18:52Who's Josephine?
18:53Is that your bit of crump here?
18:55No, my Siamese cat.
18:57Oh.
18:58Well, my students will be hard at it by now.
19:01Yeah, there is a lot of it about.
19:05I was talking about the exam.
19:07Oh.
19:08I'm going to miss them next term.
19:10Yeah.
19:11Well, cheer up, son.
19:12What do you want is another drink?
19:14What a good idea.
19:15Yeah, and this time I'll have a pint.
19:16Yeah, but...
19:17Penny for them.
19:34I was just wondering how my students were getting on with their exam.
19:37Oh, I expect they'll be all right.
19:38I hope so.
19:39I wonder what to do with myself now that term's over in the evenings.
19:43Yeah, it must get a bit lonely for you, living on your own.
19:46Oh, I don't live on my own, exactly.
19:47I've got Josephine.
19:48Oh.
19:49Yeah, she's a marvellous.
19:50I mean, I wonder...
19:51I wouldn't know what to do without her.
19:53She's very affectionate.
19:54Every morning she wakes me up by nibbling in my ear.
19:56Oh, that must be nice for you.
19:58I didn't allow her in the bedroom at first.
20:00No?
20:00No.
20:04She wasn't as clean as she might be.
20:07She used to sleep in the bathroom.
20:10Well, that sounds a bit uncomfortable.
20:11Oh, no, she was quite happy on the floor.
20:14She must think a lot of you to put up with that.
20:17Oh, she does.
20:17Every evening when I come home,
20:18she runs up to me and rubs her body against my leg.
20:22How are we?
20:23What?
20:24Well...
20:24She's Siamese.
20:27Oh, well, that explains it.
20:30Trouble is, like most Siamese,
20:31she's inclined to be a bit oversexed.
20:33Yeah, she sounds it.
20:35I'm thinking of having her doctorate.
20:36Well, I thought you were such a nice fellow.
20:41Pardon?
20:42Oh, never mind.
20:42Where's Sid?
20:43Oh, he's gone back to the school.
20:44Let us see if he can find his way back.
20:49Sid?
20:51Oh, yes, Miss Chutney?
20:53You reek of drink.
20:55Thank you, pardon?
20:56Drink.
20:57If you insist,
20:59I'd like to talk with you a sherry.
21:01You've had more than enough already.
21:04Oh, thank you.
21:08Oh, have you finished?
21:10Yes, please.
21:11How do you do?
21:12Oh, I'm very well.
21:12How do you do?
21:14I mean, how did you get on with your exams?
21:18Oh, but we hope we haven't let Mr. Brown down.
21:22Miss Chutney.
21:23Would you care for a sherry before you go?
21:25Oh, I'd be delighted.
21:28I do sit down.
21:30Oh, it takes me back a row.
21:33Here in the old office.
21:35I expect you miss the hurly-burly of school life.
21:38Yes, I sleep nights now.
21:41There we are.
21:42Oh, thank you.
21:44You know, Miss Chutney,
21:46I didn't know that you indulged.
21:48Well, I don't really.
21:49Just the occasional sherry.
21:50Oh.
21:54Ready for another?
21:55Oh.
21:57Well, have you all got a drink?
21:59Yes.
21:59I have.
22:00Well, I'd just like to say I wish you all every success.
22:03It's been great teaching you,
22:04and, well, I shall miss you.
22:06You have been giving us much wisdom.
22:09I am so sad.
22:12Oh, good Lord.
22:14You are a wonderful teacher.
22:17Si, si.
22:18We never forget our English teachers.
22:20Yes.
22:21You are nicest in Piliers I've met.
22:27You have to say.
22:28You have to say.
22:29Profissori, it's been a real pleasure.
22:32Si, si.
22:33It won't be the same next time.
22:36Yes.
22:36We owe you big debt off there.
22:38Well, cheers.
22:41Cheers.
22:42Good health.
22:45Ah, well, I really must be going.
22:47I'm meeting my wife.
22:48Oh, just one moment before you go, Mr. Short.
22:50How do you think the foreign students got on with their exams?
22:53Terrible.
22:54How do you think you got on with your exam?
22:56Fantastic.
22:57In answer to the question, what is a sentence,
23:00the chappy in a turban answered,
23:02a sentence is what you get when you're sent to prison.
23:07The questions are being very easy to answer.
23:11To the question, what is the past participle of I write,
23:14the Spanish fellow answered, I have rotten.
23:19I answer, everything okay.
23:23And the Chinese lady was writing backwards.
23:27Well, of course, I don't know how they answered their other questions,
23:31but if what I saw is anything to go by,
23:33then I shall be very surprised if any of them passed.
23:37Goodbye, Miss Courtney.
23:38Well, I'm very proud of you all.
23:40I knew you wouldn't let me down.
23:43Right, shall we have another drink?
23:44Yes.
23:45Whose round is it?
23:46Yes.
23:52Wait, oh.
23:53What are you doing with my wife?
23:57Nothing, I was just...
23:58You stupid fool!
24:03I'm sorry, let me buy you both a drink.
24:05Oh, no, no, no, please, please, please,
24:07have this one on me!
24:09I'm sorry, sir.
24:21No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:26Oh.
24:27Allah.
24:30Oh.
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